It Takes Two
by Acathla
Summary: Kate takes a vacation and meets someone who changes her life forever...but can love last when it's built upon a lie? Crossover with SVU. Co-written by Diamond Crush.
1. First Contact

**AN: It Takes Two is a collaborative crossover between the shows Castle and Law & Order: SVU. The story takes place after the episode "Ghost" has occurred and encompasses events from Seasons 1 and 2 of Castle and Season 10 of SVU. Parts of the SVU timeline have been altered to fit the needs of this story, but we tried to remain true to the characters and spirit of both shows. Both Diamond Crush and I hope you enjoy the story. This was written for the Epic Proportions challenge on Passion & Perfection.  
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**It Takes Two  
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**Chapter 1: First Contact**

_October 2008:_

It was a beautiful day in Santa Fe, New Mexico and Kate Beckett had woken up in a very good mood. She was on vacation here for two weeks and despite the fact that she was there by herself, she was determined to enjoy her time away. She had arrived yesterday afternoon, so this was her first full day here and she intended to make the most of it.

At about 11 o'clock, Kate ventured out, map in hand, to find the place that she had come here to find. A few weeks ago, her best friend Lanie was cruising the local rental store and by accident she discovered a film that was based on an oddity here in Santa Fe. The Staircase told the story of the famous winding staircase in the Loretto Chapel. The reason it was so famous was because a mysterious carpenter had crafted the miraculous staircase in the late 1800s without using a single nail to hold it up.

Kate was naturally fascinated by the story and she decided to come here and see it for herself. Although she would've loved to bring Lanie with her, her best friend didn't have any vacation time left over after her trip to Cancun. Lanie promised Kate that someday they'd both take a trip to Santa Fe and since she'd already been there, Kate could show her around.

According to her map, the Loretto Chapel was located in the small area known as Downtown Santa Fe, so she looked at each of the street signs she passed to determine her location. She quickly found herself on Water Street and she knew that she was close. As she went east, she took the time to look at all the shops that lined the tiny street and she was truly charmed by everything she saw. She was so wrapped up in the local culture that she reached the corner of Water St. and Old Santa Fe Trail. She turned her head to the right and just across the street there it stood, the glorious little Chapel.

She approached the Chapel and smiled when she saw how beautiful it was from the outside. She stopped on the sidewalk that led up to the chapel steps and took out her digital camera to take a few pictures of the chapel's facade and then made the short journey up the walk to go inside. She was just about to step through the doors when something stopped her. For some reason, Kate had the weird feeling that someone was watching her, so she took a quick look around. She scanned the area casually so she wouldn't attract attention, but when she didn't see anyone, she shook it off and walked into the Chapel.

Across the street at a small gallery, a leggy blonde named Victoria Harrison was sitting on a bench having her lunch when she spotted a beautiful woman across the street standing outside the Chapel. She'd watched the brunette with fascination as she snapped pictures of the building and although Vicky couldn't put her finger on it, she knew that there was something about that woman that she was attracted to. Maybe it was the swagger of her hip or her impeccable style, but whatever it was, it brought a smile to Vicky's face as she ate her salad.

Meanwhile, inside, Kate walked around the Chapel, taking pictures of the interior's intricate architecture and classic styling. The woodwork was beautiful and the staircase was breathtaking. Kate stood behind the velvet ropes that protected the winding staircase and took pictures from several angles. She knew that Lanie would want to see for herself via photo that the staircase was indeed built without nails.

Once she walked through the whole Chapel, Kate left through the gift shop and found herself on the sidewalk once again. She smiled when she felt the warm October sunshine on her face and it once again hit her that she was somewhere new. Things here weren't like they were back in New York City. They were slower, much more relaxed and she let that sink in. She could spend the entire afternoon walking around without worrying about going this place or that place and she felt free. That was until her stomach growled and she realized that it was time for lunch.

Kate took out her cell phone and typed "restaurants" into the map search. A small arrow popped up for a small cafe that was just across the plaza and she sighed happily because it was only about two blocks away. She started back the way she'd come and crossed the street since the cafe was on the south side of Water Street.

As she was about to round the corner, she happened to walk past a large window with several small sculptures on display. Despite her growing hunger, she paused for a moment to admire each of the unique pieces, but there was one in particular that caught her eye. It was a bronze statue of two women, their arms around each other and an infant cradled between them. She'd never seen anything so beautiful before and though she was considering going inside to get a better look, another growl from her stomach convinced her that food was more important.

Kate forced herself to keep walking and a few minutes later, she walked into the cafe. The hostess told her that she could take a seat anywhere she wanted, so she found an empty stool at the counter and sat down.

The waitress behind the counter, a redhead with too much makeup, handed her a menu and smiled,** "Take your time honey." **

The redhead walked away to serve coffee while Kate studied the menu. She settled on a burger and fries with a chocolate milkshake. Kate had decided that since she was on vacation she wasn't going to count calories...she'd deal with the fallout from that when she got home to her gym.

The waitress was the chatty type though so whenever there was a moment when no one needed coffee or service, she was standing in front of Kate, chatting. Kate was polite but didn't know how to tell the woman to leave her alone so she talked to her.

**"So you're from New York, huh? I've never been there, but I really want to go sometime. I mean, the Empire State Building, Yankee Stadium, the Statue of Liberty..."** she said wistfully. Kate smiled, **"Yeah, it's a great place. Lived there my whole life."**

**"Really? That's amazing. I've never met a born and raised New Yorker...We get people in here from New York sometimes, but never anyone like you,"**she said with a grin. There was something about the way she looked at Kate, like she was a very delicious piece of cherry pie.

Kate squirmed a little under the gaze of this woman. She was used to being looked at like she was there to be taken but she was never comfortable with it. She shifted her eyes then asked,** "Well, um, are there any really good clubs around here? Somewhere to dance and have a good time, but not a meat market kind of place, you know? Just like, a piano bar or something?"**Kate was reluctant to ask if this waitress knew of any lesbian nightclubs, not knowing how such a question would be received.

**"As a matter of fact I do...and trust me, there's very little chance you'll get hit on by drooling guys. It's right near here on the corner of Grant and Water St. It's called Rouge Cat. I like to go there sometimes on my nights off and the vibe is awesome. Great music, better drinks, and I know the doorman... you tell him Quinn sent you and he'll let you in, no hassles..."**

Kate smiled, **"Thanks, Quinn. I'll check it out later tonight."**Kate finished her lunch and paid her tab then said goodbye to Quinn and left the caf. She took a random left and walked around the plaza for a little while longer before she decided to head back to her hotel and change for her night on the town.

Before she left, she wanted to return to the little art gallery to take one more look at the sculpture that had caught her attention. She was so excited to take a closer look at the statue, but when she got to the entrance, there was note on the door that said the gallery was closed early for a delivery and would open the next day at their usual time. Kate sighed but was content to look at the piece through the window once again.

As she gazed through the glass, she pictured the statue sitting on her mantle at home. Kate could see herself as one of those women one day, though the other woman remained faceless. Kate lightly placed her fingertips to the glass and smiled wistfully before she slowly turned away and headed back to her hotel.

Vicky was standing behind the counter at the gallery when she saw the same woman from earlier standing outside the window. She noticed that she was looking at the statue of the two women with the baby, the one that Vicky loved herself and was planning to buy with her next paycheck. It had just come in two days ago and she'd talked her boss into holding it for her until the end of the week. It made her think back to her old life and how close she was to having the family she'd always wanted.

Before she was put into Witness Protection, Vicky was known as Alexandra Cabot, an Assistant District Attorney for the Manhattan DA's office. She'd had a relationship with Olivia Benson, one of the detectives she worked with while she was assigned to the Special Victims Unit. Alex had always imagined that she and Olivia would get married and have a family, but unfortunately, Olivia wasn't ready to be out of the closet and Alex wasn't willing to start a family with someone who couldn't be honest about who they are.

She stayed with Olivia until the night that she was shot and truth be told, she loved her, but when she returned to New York to testify against Liam Connors, the man who'd pulled the trigger, she found out that Olivia had gone back to dating men and she was relieved that she never brought up the whole family thing with her. She'd never given up the dream of meeting a woman who could be honest about her sexuality and starting a family with her, but for now, the only concrete reminder she had was going to be that statue.

Later that day, Kate was in her hotel room getting changed to go out. She settled on a red halter top with black jeans and 3 inch ankle boots. She wanted to look good but she wasn't looking to meet anyone. Kate wasn't the type to have a fling just because she was on vacation but she was interested in going out, having a drink, and just relaxing for the evening.

Kate left the hotel around 9pm and asked the hotel's doorman to call her a cab because she had no intention of walking around in heels. After a short ride, Kate stepped out of the cab in front of the club and was happy to see there wasn't a line at the door, however there was a bouncer. She smiled at the mountain of a man and dropped Quinn's name. He nodded, knowing Quinn all too well, and let her in.

Kate walked right to the bar, settled on an empty barstool, and ordered a Long Island Iced Tea. The bartender made it a strong one and handed it to Kate. As she sipped, Kate turned to face the crowd and after a quick scan, she realized that this was a lesbian bar. She grinned and took another drink when it dawned on her that Quinn must've known exactly what she was implying when she mentioned not wanting to go out to a "meat market." It was still early, so there weren't a lot of women in the club, but Kate figured it would fill up soon.

After a long day at work, Vicky decided that she wanted to go out for the evening. She hadn't gone to a bar in what seemed like ages and she needed a chance to relax, enjoy some music and have a drink. She went home to get ready, taking a nice hot shower to shrug off all her cares. Wrapped in a towel, she picked out a little black dress that was low cut and fell about 4 inches above her knees. She had a perfect pair of black stilettos to go with it and all she had to do was her make-up and hair. She flat ironed her long blonde locks and then did a gorgeous smoky eye and pale lip to complete the look.

She ventured back across town and arrived outside of her favorite club just before 10. It was starting to pick up, but she didn't have any trouble getting in the door thanks to the fact that she knew the bouncer. She walked in, saw an empty stool at the bar, and admired the woman sitting next to it. She sat down and ordered a whiskey and coke and then smiled when she recognized the woman. She was the same one she'd seen admiring the statue in the window earlier that day.

Kate was getting into the groove of the music, it was a mix of 80's pop music and modern dance music and she liked it. After a while, she noticed out of the corner of her eye someone sit next to her. Not knowing if the woman was alone or not, Kate decided to ignore her and wait to see if the other woman would make a move. The last thing she needed was to get into a cat fight with some local woman over her territory.

Vicky got her drink and took a sip to wet her throat. She turned to the woman and gently tapped her on the shoulder, **"I'm sorry, I know this is going to sound odd, but were you here in the plaza this afternoon?"**

Kate turned to the woman who tapped her shoulder and was puzzled by the question but she answered anyway, **"Um...yeah I was, why?"**

**"I think I saw you earlier. You walked by the gallery where I work and you stopped to look at some of the artwork in the window?"** she said, though it came out as more of a question. She had been struck by this woman from afar, but right up close, she was practically taking Vicky's breath away.

Kate thought back to earlier that afternoon and the gallery window,** "Oh yeah, there was a piece in the window that caught my eye. You work there?"** Kate smiled as she remembered the statue.

**"Yeah. I oversee large sales and coordinate showings. I've gotten to know several local artists and they produce some very amazing work."** She gazed into the other woman's chocolate brown eyes and nearly lost herself. When she realized that she'd been looking just a few moments too long, she shook herself back to reality and extended her hand, **"I'm Vicky Harrison."**

Kate smiled and took the blonde's hand. The woman was very beautiful, with an air of almost regal bearing...she reminded Kate of a younger Grace Kelly.** "I'm Kate. Nice to meet you Vicky."** Kate felt a slight jolt when her hand touched Vicky's and she tried to hide her reaction.

Vicky could feel her face getting hot and she knew that this woman would notice the flush in her cheeks. She chuckled and replied,** "Nice to meet you Kate. Are you new to town?"**

Kate picked up her drink for another sip and said, **"Actually, I'm on vacation. I'm from New York."** Kate paused and then asked,** "What about you? Have you always lived in Santa Fe?"**Kate was curious about this blonde beauty.

She was nearly knocked off her barstool when Kate mentioned that she was from New York and that's when she realized that that's what it was about this woman that had caught Vicky's eye earlier that day. The confidence and style screamed New Yorker. She took a sip of her drink and remembered her cover story,** "Um, n-no, not always. I'm actually new to the area. I actually grew up in Nebraska and I spent some time in Northern California before I moved here."**

Kate noticed Vicky's reaction to her question but she shrugged it off. She was determined to put aside her "detective spidey sense" as Lanie called it and just have a good time.**"Wow, I've never really lived anywhere but Manhattan, though I would love to see California one day. What made you decide to come to New Mexico from there?"**Kate was curious to know why someone would move away from California when most people move to California.

**"I moved for work. The gallery I was working for closed so I put out some applications and got the job here. It's hard finding opportunities in the art business, especially as a gallery coordinator and buyer."**

Kate nodded and smiled. **"So do you like it here? I've only been here two days but what little I've seen I like."**Kate took another sip of her drink as she kept eye contact with Vicky. The blue of her eyes was mesmerizing and she couldn't look away.

**"It's beautiful. There's a lot of tradition and so many different cultures...It's amazing."**_ But it's not home',_she thought. She missed New York and no matter how wonderful New Mexico was, she'd always miss the big city.

Kate thought about that and she admitted to herself that as wonderful as Santa Fe had been so far, she couldn't see herself living here. Kate smiled at Vicky, **"Hey um, I'm not really very into the club scene much these days, so I was wondering if maybe you would want to go somewhere more quiet?"**

Vicky smiled, **"Sure. I know a little coffeehouse just around the corner from here."** She took one last sip and then set her glass down on the bar. She left a $20 to cover both drinks and the tip and then stood,** "Shall we?"**

Kate thought about saying something about Vicky paying for the drinks but decided not to make a big deal of it. She'd just pay for the coffee later. She followed Vicky out of the club and decided to just walk after Vicky explained that she had parked close to the coffee shop.

As they rounded a corner Kate said, **"I like how even though it's nighttime, it's still nice out. Not too cold and not too warm either. Is it usually like this?"**

**"Um, yeah, it's usually like this. It only really gets bad during the winter. It can get pretty cold, though it's nothing compared to New York,"** she said with a chuckle.

Kate turned to look at Vicky then, **"How um...how do you know what it's like in New York? Have you ever been there?"**

Vicky could've kicked herself for the slip-up,** "Um, yeah I have, but I'll tell you more when we get inside."**They were right outside the coffee shop and she needed some time to come up with a reason why she knew about how cold New York winters could be.

**"Oh, ok."** Kate followed Vicky inside and they walked up to the counter. She turned to Vicky, **"So what do you recommend? It's my treat."**

Vicky smiled, **"Well, I usually get the white hot chocolate. It's really amazing."**

Kate smiled, **"That sounds really good. I think I'll have the same."**Kate let Vicky order for them, since she knew the place better.

Vicky walked up to the counter and said, **"Hey Megan." **

The barista turned around from steaming milk and smiled, **"Vicky, hey, I wasn't expecting to see you tonight. You look gorgeous."**

Vicky blushed, **"Thank you. Um, can I get two white hot chocolates, please?"**

Megan noticed the woman with Vicky and nodded, **"Yeah, sure. Whipped on both?"**She looked Kate over and then returned her attention back to Vicky.

**"Yes, please,"**Vicky replied and noticed that Megan seemed to be sizing Kate up. She knew that Megan had a bit of a crush on her, but she wasn't really Vicky's type.

Megan smiled warmly at Vicky, **"Go ahead and have a seat. I'll bring it out to you."**

Kate saw the way this Megan was looking at her and at Vicky and she didn't like it but she kept her mouth shut. She stepped forward and paid for their drinks then turned to Vicky, **"So where should we sit?"**

Vicky spotted a couch over in the corner and pointed, **"How about there?"**

Kate looked over and smiled, **"Perfect."**Kate began walking towards the couch, sensing that Vicky was walking behind her and liking what she saw.

Vicky sank down on the couch and crossed one leg delicately over the other. She leaned against the back and said,** "So, I told you I'd give you the skinny on how I know about New York, right?"**

Kate smiled, **"Well...I wasn't going to push you but, I am a bit curious about how you know about New York."**Kate lightly placed her hand on Vicky's knee.

Vicky suddenly felt like giggling when she felt Kate's hand on her knee, but she resisted the urge and cleared her throat, **"Well, I have a cousin that I'm very close to and she lives in Manhattan. I'd go visit her every year, sometimes in the spring or the summer, but several times in the winter. I don't think there's anything more beautiful than snow coming down in New York."**

Kate nodded as she remembered the last snowfall. **"Yes it's very pretty coming down but, let me tell you it stops being pretty once the plows get to it."**Kate smiled.

Vicky chucked, **"That's very true, but I love walking through Central Park when the snow is still on the grass. It's like a winter wonderland..."**

Kate smiled,** "Yes it's a great way to spend a winter afternoon."**

**"Maybe someday if I'm in the city, we could do that...Walk through Central Park after it snows and then go to some little Italian place and have dinner and an amazing dessert,"**she said, not sure whether she was overstepping, but she knew for some reason that she'd want to do that with this woman.

Kate smiled, **"I'd like that."**Before Kate could say anything else, the barista came by and placed their drinks on the small table in front of them with a smile.

**"Here you go Vick, hope you like it."**The smile was a little bit flirtatious and Kate forced herself not to do something to "stake her claim" on Vicky...mostly because she didn't have any real claim on her.

**"Thanks, Meg, they look great."** She picked up the cup with more whipped cream on top, the one she was sure Megan had made especially for her, and handed it over to Kate. **"Here, I hope you like it."**

Kate took the offered mug, noticing that it had more whipped cream and she smiled. She might be reading more into the gesture than was there but Kate preferred to believe that, even if 'Meg' was into Vicky, the feeling wasn't mutual.

Kate liked the thought of that and she said, **"Thanks, I'm sure I will."** She took a careful sip, being careful not to burn her tongue. Kate closed her eyes as the smooth liquid slid down her throat...it was so good. A tiny moan escaped her throat before she could call it back. She looked at Vicky and blushed, a little embarrassed by the moan and knowing Vicky heard it. **"It's really good." **

Vicky smiled to herself, God. That was really sexy. She felt a little tingle between her legs but tried to play it off, **"I'm glad you like it."**She picked up her own mug and licked a little whipped cream off the top.

Kate smiled when she saw Vicky's tongue sneak out to lick up some whipped cream. She felt her entire body grow warm. Kate knew her self-control was hanging by a tenuous thread. She thought about how she always backed away and deflected whenever someone flirted with her and she realized that it usually stemmed from her fear of outing herself and risking her career. But here, she didn't have to worry about that and Kate suddenly had the urge to break her habit and take Vicky up on whatever she might be offering.

**"Mmm, this is good, better than usual. Then again, maybe it's the company that's making it even sweeter."** She took a sip and sat back, re-crossing her legs gracefully, **"I haven't done this in a long time..."**

Kate smiled, **"Done what? Had a decadent hot chocolate? Cause _Meg_ seemed to know you really well."** Kate tried and failed to keep the hint of jealousy she felt towards Meg out of her voice. She kicked herself for letting it seep into her voice. **"Sorry, that was uncalled for."**

**"No, no, it's ok. She's had a crush on me for a while, but I'm keeping it strictly friendship with her. Besides, she's not really my type anyway..."** Vicky placed her hand on Kate's knee, **"I tend to like my women a lot more like you..."**

Kate's eyes dropped to the hand on her knee. She liked the sensations it caused. Kate smiled,** "Really? And what is it about me that drew you in?"**Kate asked, trying to sound flirtatious but probably failing. It was when she saw that Vicky was smiling that she figured she was doing ok.

**"I don't know if it was any one thing, but I did find you very attractive when I first saw you and then when I got to look into your eyes earlier, wow...and of course, I'm definitely drawn to your personality. You seem very confident but maybe a little guarded... You intrigue me."**

Kate felt a blush steal across her face. She wasn't expecting such a thought out reply. Usually, people mentioned her looks or tried to play it off by saying something equally shallow. Vicky's answer hit all the right notes.** "Well, I guess intriguing is better than boring."**

**"I'd say so. I don't tend to stick around boring people for very often. I like to be around someone who can keep up an intelligent conversation and make me laugh. I could tell right off that you'd be able to offer that."**

Kate took another sip of the hot chocolate. **"Well I hope I don't disappoint you. Would be a shame to ruin whatever this is before it really got started."**

**"I have faith,"** Vicky said with a smile and then took a big sip of her drink. She could feel her own butterflies fluttering at the idea that she had just taken such a major step with someone she hardly knew, but she couldn't help herself. Kate was...she couldn't even put her finger on it, but she knew she was someone special.

Kate smiled then looked around the coffee shop taking in the decor. Her eyes landed on a wall clock and she was surprised when she saw the time, it was already one am! **"Wow, I didn't realize it was so late. It seems like we just met,"**Kate said, surprised at how fast the time had flown by. She couldn't remember the last time she'd stayed up so late talking to someone who wasn't Lanie or about something that wasn't case-related.

Vicky looked over to the clock, **"You're right...They're going to be closing up here soon..."** She finished off her cocoa and then said, **"Look, I really don't want this to end...It doesn't have to be anything you don't want it to be, but I'd like to spend more time with you..."**

Kate smiled, **"I'd like that too. I would definitely like to see you again. I'm only in town for two weeks but I would love to spend as much of that time with you as you can spare. However, I think it would be too soon to spend the night together tonight. But maybe we could meet for lunch tomorrow? I could swing by your gallery and take you to lunch if you want?"**Kate wasn't the type to 'put out' on the first date, if this could be called that, but she definitely wanted to see Vicky again.

**"I'd like that. I can go anytime, so you don't have to rush."** She stood up and then offered a hand up to Kate. **"I know all the restaurants around here, so we can go wherever you'd like."**

Kate took Vicky's hand and stood up. She got as close as she could to the other woman and, sensing that Meg was watching them, she smiled and decided to give in to her urge to stake a claim just this once. She leaned forward to kiss Vicky and in that moment, Kate knew that Vicky was going to be more to her than just a vacation fling.

When Vicky felt Kate's lips, it was like a flame ignited within her. She craved more, wanted to deepen the kiss, but she wasn't sure if Kate was willing or ready for that.

Kate pulled away for a moment and looked into Vicky's eyes to see if her kiss was welcomed. What she saw in those blue pools only excited her more and she leaned in again for another kiss, this time letting her tongue slip out and lightly touch Vicky's lips. When those soft lips parted, Kate needed no further invitation to deepen the connection.

Vicky eagerly welcomed Kate's tongue into her mouth and caressed back as her arms wrapped around the strong brunette.

Before Kate could really lose herself in the kiss she heard the sound of a throat being cleared, loudly. When they pulled apart, Kate saw Meg standing there.

**"I'm sorry ladies but we're closing now,"** Meg said without a trace of apology in her voice. She didn't like seeing Vicky kissing another woman but she knew Vicky didn't see her as anything more than a friend. Still, that didn't mean she couldn't interrupt them to close the shop.

Kate looked from Meg to Vicky, **"I guess that means we should be going."**

**"Is it all right if I take you back to your hotel?"** Vicky asked as she walked Kate out of the coffee shop.

**"I'd like that,"**Kate said, smiling as she followed Vicky outside.

They walked back to Vicky's car and the blonde opened the door for Kate. She knew exactly where Kate's hotel was and drove slowly down the narrow streets on the way to drop her off. **"Tonight's been really amazing,"**she said with a smile.

Kate settled into the passenger seat and smiled, **"Yes it has. I had a great time with you."**

**"I'm glad you're here...I...I really needed to meet someone like you."**

Kate liked the thought of that, **"Well I'm glad I met you too. I haven't had such a good time as I've had tonight in a really long time. I'm looking forward to lunch tomorrow."**

**"Me too,"** Vicky replied as butterflies started up in her stomach again. She pulled up outside of the hotel entrance a few minutes later and sighed, **"I hate to see you leave..."**

Kate reached out and placed her hand on Vicky's cheek. She caressed the soft skin before leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on her lips. **"I'm not leaving I'm just going up to my hotel room. I would invite you up but...we've covered why that's not a good idea,"**Kate smiled.

**"I know and I think it's better that we don't. I don't want to make this about sex, Kate. I want to get to know you better and when the time is right, it'll happen. But for now, you should go upstairs and get some sleep. I'll be waiting for you tomorrow at work."**

Kate nodded, **"Tomorrow."** Kate leaned in and kissed her again before she pulled away, **"Goodnight Vicky."**Kate opened the car door and let one leg step outside.

Vicky felt something odd when Kate's leg went outside of the vehicle...she was sad. She didn't want to let her go.

Kate turned back to look at Vicky and saw something in her eyes. **"Are you ok, Vicky?"**Kate was worried she'd said or done something wrong.

**"It's...nothing. I'm fine, really,"**she said, forcing a smile.

Kate could tell that wasn't true so she slipped her leg back into the car and faced Vicky, **"Doesn't seem like nothing...what is it?"**

**"No, you're going to think I'm absolutely insane if I say it out loud,"** Vicky said as she lowered her head.

Kate once again placed her hand on Vicky's cheek, gently drawing her face up to look into her eyes, **"I promise I won't think you're insane. Trust me?"** Kate needed to know what was wrong.

**"Ok."** She took a breath and then looked into Kate's eyes, **"It made me sad when you started to leave..."**She waited for Kate to jump out of the car at her confession. She knew she'd think she was crazy.

Kate took a moment to think about that, **"Let me get this right, you were sad because I was starting to get out of the car?"** Kate smiled, **"That's...that's such a sweet thought. Vicky, I wasn't, I'm still not, eager to get out of this car and let this evening end but, we can't stay in the car all night...well we could but it would be the same as if you came up to my hotel room. But hey, tomorrow will be here before you know it and we'll be having lunch together. That's something to look forward to, right?"**

**"Yes,"** she said in a mock pout. **"Go on. I'll be ok, I just... it's weird that I feel like this about someone that I've just met. I don't think I know how to process it just yet. But like I said, I'll be ok. Go on upstairs and get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."**

Kate smiled. She liked knowing she wasn't the only one who didn't want the night to end. Kate leaned forward again for another kiss and let it linger for a moment before she pulled back, **"Sweet dreams Vicky, I'll see you tomorrow at noon for lunch, ok?"**

**"Ok. Sweet dreams, Kate."** She watched as Kate got out of the car and walked inside. Once she was gone from sight, she put the car in drive and made her way across town to her house. She went inside and changed before slipping into bed, but she couldn't stop thinking about Kate. She was the last thing on her mind when she finally drifted off to sleep.

Kate, meanwhile, let herself into her hotel room and plopped down on her bed. On the one hand she commended herself on her self-control to wait and see if this could be more than just about sex but on the other hand, she was kicking herself for not taking Vicky up on her advances. Kate knew she wasn't a one-night stand person but...right now she kind of wished she was. Kate got ready for bed and as she slipped between the sheets, she let herself look forward to her lunch date. Suddenly, a two-week vacation to visit Loretto Chapel had taken on a much better purpose. The last thing Kate did before she fell asleep was wonder if she was destined to meet Vicky. The events of the day seemed like the Gods had preordained them, which it made Kate smile. She liked that thought and drifted off to sleep with a happy expression on her face.

TBC...


	2. First Date

**Chapter 2: First Date**

The next morning, Kate woke up with a smile on her face. Her dreams had consisted of a very beautiful blonde, a can of whipped cream, and, oddly enough, handcuffs. Kate had to grin at her subconscious mind. It always went right to the gutter whenever she was attracted to someone. Kate lay in bed for a few moments just remembering the night before. She hadn't exactly gone out looking for someone to possibly fall for but that's exactly what she had found: a smart, funny, beautiful blonde with impossibly blue eyes and a smile that Kate would do almost anything to see more of.

Kate was about to drift off into another fantasy about Vicky when her cell phone buzzed an incoming text. With a frustrated growl, Kate rolled over and picked up her cell phone from the nightstand. Kate thumbed over the button for the text messages and she smiled when she saw it was from Lanie. She opened the message and laughed at the text:

_[hey girl! Get ur but outta bed and go have some fun. Ur on vaca for heavens sake! Don't 4get the pics]_

Kate had promised Lanie lots of pictures from her trip. Kate decided it was time to get up. She quickly typed out a reply before she got up and headed into the bathroom to get ready for her day with Vicky:

_[ok ok I'm up. Keep ur scrubs on! U'll get ur pics. Gtg ttyl off to have some fun!]_

* * *

><p>Meanwhile in a gallery in Downtown Santa Fe, Vicky was busy hanging up the newly arrived artwork in an empty room near the back. She was getting through it at her usual pace but her mind wasn't on the task. That's why she was glad this didn't exactly require a lot of concentration. She was thinking about Kate and what their lunch date might lead to. She was really looking forward to seeing her again.<p>

The night before had been torturous as thoughts of Kate, that tiny little moan at the coffee shop, and the sweet kisses goodnight kept swirling around her brain until she couldn't handle it anymore. She was desperate to do something about the warmth between her legs, but opted to let it build up so that when she and Kate were finally together, all that tension would be released in what she knew would be the most pleasurable explosion ever. So instead, she got up and warmed some milk, which helped her drift off to sleep. Of course, her dreams only managed to torture her further with images of what she had been denied that night but would have sometime soon if she was lucky. Thankfully, a nice, cold shower before heading to work made the situation bearable for her.

* * *

><p>Kate left her hotel with a spring in her step. She was really looking forward to her lunch date with Vicky. Kate had some time so she opted to walk the few blocks from her hotel to the downtown area where both the art gallery and the Chapel were located. It was another warm, sunny day and Kate couldn't help but smile. She stopped at the corner to wait for the light to change and smiled when she looked up at the sky and noticed how blue it was. She left her mind drift into a mini fantasy of kissing Kate with the sun shining down on them, but the changing of the light pulled her from her daydream and she turned away from the blue sky to the street in front of her. Kate couldn't remember the sky being that blue in New York, but then, back home she was always too busy chasing bad guys to really notice anything else.<p>

She came upon the Loretto Chapel first and she stopped for a moment to just look at it. She'd come to Santa Fe to see this Chapel and its famous staircase but now, she'd found another reason to love this town...and she was going to be seeing that reason in just a few minutes.

Kate turned away from the Chapel with a smile as she thought about Vicky. She started towards the art gallery when she suddenly felt butterflies in her stomach. She was nervous about seeing Vicky again, worried that maybe the connection they'd had last night was an illusion, a trick of her overactive imagination and her extra-long dry spell. But Kate was not the type to back down from something she wanted so she squared her shoulders and began walking towards the gallery.

Vicky was behind the counter talking with a buyer, but her eyes were darting to the clock every now and then. She was hoping Kate would show up soon because she really couldn't stand the waiting anymore. Just as she was finishing up the paperwork for the purchase, she heard the door to the gallery open and a smile spread across her face when she saw Kate walk into the building.

Kate stepped into the front room of the gallery, but when she saw that Vicky was busy, she occupied herself by walking around the room to look at the art. She deliberately avoided looking at Vicky, knowing if she did she would do something to give away what she was thinking...namely that she was visualizing pushing Vicky up against the white wall and kissing her senseless. Kate smiled to herself as she indulged in her mini fantasy. She moved slowly from one piece of artwork to the next, putting on a fairly decent show of being interested in them.

She was so engrossed in her fantasy and pretending to be interested in the artwork that she didn't hear Vicky when she snuck up behind her and wrapped her arms around her. **"Hey you...miss me?"** Vicky asked before she kissed her neck and smiled, happy to be near the object of her desire once again. Kate jumped a tiny bit but managed to hide it well as Vicky pulled her from her daydream. She smiled when she felt two strong, slim arms wrap around her and she leaned back for a moment to enjoy the embrace before she remembered where they were and she quickly looked around the gallery to make sure they were alone. When she turned her head, she felt Vicky's lips on her exposed neck and melted a little more. She loved having her neck kissed and idly wondered how Vicky had known that. Kate mentally shrugged it off as she let herself get lost in Vicky's arms.

Kate placed her hands on Vicky's and closed her eyes, smiling as Vicky continued her sensual assault on her neck, **"Mmm...you have no idea. That feels so good."**

**"This?"** Vicky asked before kissing Kate's neck again. **"Or this?"** She pulled Kate a little closer, so close that Kate could probably feel Vicky's heart beating hard in her chest.

Kate couldn't stop the light moan that escaped her lips, **"All of it." **

She enjoyed the embrace for a few more moments before she couldn't stand it anymore and she quickly turned in Vicky's arms and spun the blonde around so her back was against the wall, right next to a painting. She leaned forward, pressing her upper body close to Vicky's, and claimed the blonde's lips in a kiss that held every ounce of the longing she'd felt for Vicky the night before.

Vicky felt a rush of warmth spread all over her body when Kate touched her lips. She had to admit she was also a bit turned on by the aggressiveness of Kate's move and it fed her own desire. She placed her arms on Kate's waist and couldn't help the moan that escaped her lips, which went straight into Kate's mouth. She wanted her so badly, but somehow, she managed to remember that they were in the gallery and anything more that they wanted to do would have to wait until they were some place private.

Kate ran her hands down Vicky's side, getting lost in their kisses, when she felt Vicky moan, Kate almost lost it then. She had a sudden urge to strip the blonde naked and lose herself in the soft curves and the promise of ecstasy, but her libido lost the war with her common sense and she pulled away from Vicky's lips. She rested her forehead against Vicky's as they both fought to catch their breath.

When she was sure she could talk, Kate finally spoke, **"Vicky, as much as I want to keep going...we need to stop. Anyone could walk in here...and see us..." **

Her words came between still ragged breaths and although she hated to stop their make out session, she knew it was the right thing to do. Vicky was reluctant to agree with her but she did anyway, **"That would be the logical thing to do... unfortunately, that part of my brain seems to have stopped working,"** she grinned.** "Look, I know we said we wouldn't make this about sex, but I would love to have an extended make out session later tonight..."** Vicky said, letting her voice drift away as she waited to hear Kate's response to that. She held her breath, hoping the dark haired woman would be interested.

Kate grinned, happy that she wasn't the only one affected by their proximity. She lowered her voice, adopting a flirty, suggestive tone as she said,** "I think that can be arranged...but right now, we should get going and have some lunch. Somewhere public, ok?"**

Vicky nodded and said, **"Hopefully that will help my self-control, though I'll be the first to admit that any control I do have will be hanging by a thread."** She pecked Kate's lips one more time and then said with a grin, **"I know just where I'm going to take you."**

Kate's gutter mind gave that line a different meaning and she felt as if someone else, someone bolder, had taken over her mouth because her first words were, **"Keep it clean Vicky, I meant what I said: food first then later...you can take me wherever and however you want."** Kate grinned at the look her words caused to appear on Vicky's face...she liked this bolder version of herself.

Vicky shook herself free of the images Kate's words conjured up and she realized this might be a very long lunch. She grabbed Kate's hand and led her out of the gallery. They walked through the plaza and then turned down the street that led to the St. Francis Cathedral. At the corner, just across from the church was the La Fonda Hotel, which was home to one of the best restaurants downtown. Vicky walked up to the hostess and requested a table for two.

The woman nodded and led the ladies down two steps into the dining area. It was filled with beautiful trees and flowers along the perimeter and a high stained glass ceiling that cast beautiful colored light on the tables below.

Kate sat down at the table and took a long look around. It was a very beautiful place and she liked the decor. Kate returned her gaze back to Vicky after she'd checked out the entire room and said, **"This is a very nice place. Do you come here often?"**

Vicky nodded, **"Sometimes, but usually just for special occasions. They have a great little candy shop downstairs that I tend to frequent a bit more often."** She chuckled, **"I thought that we should do something really special for today."**

Kate heard the word candy and her eyes lit up. Her best friend Lanie had such a big sweet tooth and Kate figured she would flip for some local candies. Kate made a mental note to stop by the shop and get something sweet for Lanie before they left. For right now, Kate smiled and in a flirting tone said, **"Candy shop, huh? I could go for something...sweet after our lunch."** Kate's tone and eyes implied she wasn't necessarily talking about candy.

Though Vicky caught the double entendre, she opted to keep things clean and replied, **"I'll take you over. They have a wonderful dark chocolate candy that's infused with chili powder. You'll absolutely fall for it."**

Kate thought about that and said,** "Chocolate and chili powder? That sounds...interesting. I can't wait."** Kate held Vicky's gaze for a moment before she opened her menu.

The waitress came over then and took their drink order but gave them a bit more time to look over their menus. Vicky already knew she was going to have the blue enchiladas, but she was curious to know what Kate would pick.** "Anything standing out to you?"**

Kate looked over the menu. Everything looked good, but she decided to go with something familiar. **"It all looks good but I think I'm going to go with the _Enchiladas del Norte_,"**Kate said, thinking she couldn't really go wrong with enchiladas. She looked up at Vicky and smiled. She was really enjoying herself so far, and she was really looking forward to later that day when she could be alone with Vicky.

**"I was thinking of ordering a bottle of white wine, would you like that?"** Vicky asked.

Kate smiled, **"Are you sure about that? I mean I'm not the one who has to go back to work after lunch."** Kate was concerned that Vicky might get in trouble with her boss if she went back to work intoxicated...not that Kate saw anyone else in that gallery that might qualify as a boss, but still.**"I just don't want you to get in trouble with your boss."**

**"Well, I have a little surprise,"** Vicky said before taking a sip of her water. She licked her lips and continued,** "I just sold $8,000 worth of art to a local businessman, so my boss decided to give me the rest of the day off as a reward!"**

Kate took that in and couldn't help the smile on her face and the warm feeling in her belly at the thought of having the whole day with Vicky. **"In that case, some wine would be nice."**

**"Great,"** Vicky said with a broad smile. When the waitress came back, she let Kate order first and then placed her order and asked for the best bottle of white wine they had on the menu. One thing she knew was wine, which mostly had to do with her breeding as a Cabot, though she knew she couldn't tell Kate that.

Kate watched as the waitress left and looked at Vicky, **"Do, um, do you know wines?" **Kate's blue-collar upbringing didn't lend itself to knowing about wines but thanks to Lanie, she was learning. Kate smiled at Vicky, struggling not to think about what they would do with the rest of their day.

**"Oh, yes, I...I've been wine tasting in Napa a couple of times, but I do most of my research online. I like knowing about things like that. I hope it doesn't make me come off like a snob or anything,"**she said, nervous that Kate was going to think she was stuck-up. She knew people often had that misconception about her, but the last thing she wanted was for Kate to feel that way.

Kate's eyes widened and she suddenly felt envious of Vicky, **"You've been to Napa? That's on my list of places to visit. I would love to go there one day. Oh, and don't worry, I like women who aren't afraid to learn new things."**

Vicky smiled again, **"I'd love to take you. I think you'd love it very much...we could even drive down the coast to San Francisco and take in all the sights..."** Then she blushed, **"Oh God, I just jumped the gun a little bit, didn't I? Planning a vacation-slash-road trip after one day..."**

Kate smiled. Vicky was just too cute when she blushed. She reached out and placed her hand on Vicky's,**"Yeah maybe a little bit but I like the thought of going to Napa with you. It sounds like we would have a great time."**

**"I'm glad you don't think I'm totally strange for the way I've been behaving. I just...got carried away thinking about how great it would be to do that with someone I think could appreciate it."**

**"Trust me Vicky, it would take more than that to make me think anything negative about you. I really like you and I like spending time with you. I just wish I had more than two weeks to be here with you."** Kate stopped herself before she asked Vicky about maybe coming to visiting her in New York, sensing that it might be too early to make that suggestion.

**"I know...I don't even want to think about you leaving, Kate...especially since there's so much we still have to learn about one another."**

**"I agree, but I think it'll be better if we forget about the time limit and just enjoy our time together, don't you?"** Kate suggested, not wanting to think about having to leave this place and most especially, this wonderful woman.

Vicky nodded and then noticed the waitress coming over with their wine. Another waitress, who was carrying their plates, followed her and set them down in front of the women before disappearing back into the kitchen. Their waitress made short work of pouring the wine and said, **"Enjoy, ladies,"**before leaving them to eat.

Once the waitress was gone, Kate lifted her wineglass in a toast and said, **"To enjoying our time together."**

Vicky raised her glass,** "To enjoying our time together."** She clinked her glass with Kate's and then took a drink.** "Mmm, tastes wonderful."** She set the glass down and then picked up her fork, **"Yours looks really good."**

Kate took a sip of her wine, and found that it was surprisingly good. She studied her plate and picked up her fork,** "Let's hope it tastes as good as it looks."**

Vicky nodded and then took a bite of her enchilada. It was great as usual and the company made it even better. She looked up at the woman sitting across from her and asked, **"So, do you like it?"**

Kate swallowed her food and smiled, **"Yes it's amazing and the wine is absolutely perfect,"**Kate said and took another sip of her wine.

They finished off their meal in relative silence, enjoying their food too much to converse, and once they were finished, they left the restaurant. They made a quick stop by the candy shop that Vicky had told Kate about and then made their way out to the held Kate's hand as they walked back through the Plaza and the two were thoroughly enjoying their time with one another. Kate liked the freedom that came with being out of her comfort zone. In New York, she would never have had the courage to walk down the street holding hands with another woman. She was always aware that anyone from the precinct could see her and then she'd be treated differently at work. But here, so far away from her normal life, she could let go and just be herself.

As they made their way out of the plaza, Kate looked to her left and happened to glance into the window of a rare books store they were passing. There, in the display, was a book Kate had never seen but she'd definitely heard of. It was one of the first books ever written by her favorite mystery writer, Richard Castle, and it had been out of print for several years. Only true fans knew of it's existence and only true collectors had it in their collection. Kate stopped in her tracks and turned to Vicky, **"Hey, um...can we go in here for a minute?"**

Vicky glanced over at the store and smiled as Kate began to unintentionally veer toward it. **"Of course. See something in the window you liked?"**

Kate blushed, **"Um...yeah I just saw a book that I've been looking for, for a few years. I'm...a bit of a bookworm."**Kate waited for the laughter, the derision she had come to expect from people when she told them she liked to read books. Her whole life people had teased and made fun of her for being such a brain, a bookworm, a wallflower. That teasing as she was growing up was what pushed her to pick modeling over waiting tables to pay for school, and was part of the reason she chose being a cop instead of becoming a lawyer or even a teacher.

**"Me too. Who's your favorite author?"**she asked as they walked into the store. Vicky couldn't believe that she'd met someone who shared one of her favorite pastimes. She loved spending a quiet evening at home curled up on the couch with one of her favorite books.

Kate smiled, at little more comfortable now, **"Richard Castle. I like mystery books. What about you?"**Kate was curious now, loving that she could talk about books with someone she liked.

**"I'm probably going to sound very old fashioned, but Jane Austen. I'm also an Anne Rice fan, though no one really knows that,"**she said with a wink.

Kate smiled,** "I've read a few books by Austen, but I'm more drawn to crime novels. I don't know why. I'm not that into vampire books though, not my thing. But I can respect that there's a market for it. But if you ever want a good mystery novel, Castle is the way to go."**She liked converting people to Richard Castle because his work was definitely worth reading.

**"I've heard of Richard Castle, but I've never read his work,"**Vicky replied. Unbeknownst to the brunette, Vicky had more experience with killers than she'd like to admit and although she was sure the books were good, she had avoided them because they were crime mysteries.

**"Well, I've read all of his novels and I can tell you right now that he really does a great job of getting into the mind of the killer. His Derek Storm series is just...beyond words and I really hope he keeps going with Storm for a long time,"** she said and then stopped, realizing she probably sounded like a fangirl with all her gushing. **"Um...anyway, I saw one of his early works in the window and wanted to look at it if that's ok?"**

**"Sure,"**Vicky said as she followed Kate over to the window where she'd seen the book.

**"I think it's this way."**She began to walk towards the section excitedly. It was true that she chased killers for a living and given that, one might wonder why she would choose to read about them in her free time but the thing was, she liked happy endings. Sometimes with some cases, there were no winners. Even if she caught the bad guy, there was no guarantee that justice would be done or that a plea deal wouldn't be made letting the killer back on the streets sooner than she'd like. So she read crime mysteries because, in print at least, the killer was always caught, justice was always doled out, and there were no plea deals or technicalities or appeals to give the killers a second chance. She liked that and wished real life could be more like fiction. Kate took a moment to look around, seeing if there were signs that marked the different genres. She found the one that said "Mysteries" and she smiled.

Vicky watched as Kate's eyes lit up when she found the book and stood nearby as the brunette looked over the cover and the pages, inspecting them for damage. Kate held the book carefully in her hands. She knew she probably looked silly, treating this book like it was an original Gutenberg bible or something equally old, but she couldn't help it. To a true fan like her, this was like finding the Holy Grail.

_Between Heaven and Hell_ was Richard Castle's very first novel and according to online websites that Kate sometimes cruised, there were about 100,000 copies in existence. It seems that when the manuscript got picked up to be published, the publishing company didn't have much faith in Castle's success and they limited the run to such a small number. It wasn't until his second novel made the bestseller list that Castle skyrocketed to fame and his new die-hard fans started snapping up copies of his first book to ensure that their collections would be complete. Since Kate discovered Castle much later, her odds of finding a good copy of _Between Heaven and Hell_ that didn't cost an arm and a leg were slim. That's why this was such a miraculous find.

Despite the fact that there were a few dog-eared pages and the paperback cover showed some wear, the rest of the cover looked smooth, the binding was tight, and the pages showed no signs of yellowing. Kate literally had to hold back a giggle over her unbelievable luck. She knew she was getting far too excited over finding this book, but she just couldn't help herself.

The book she'd seen in the window was Castle's second novel, which she had a copy of. She'd come into the store hoping against hope that maybe they had more Castle books. Kate felt that finding this one was undoubtedly a good omen. She turned to Vicky, who was watching her patiently with a tiny grin on her face.

**"Um, sorry, I tend to get a little engrossed when I get my hands on a book this rare. This is Richard Castle's very first novel. It was largely forgotten because his second book, the one in the window, really launched his career. But this one...this one is what started it all."** Kate paused,** "I hope you don't think I'm some obsessed fan or anything."**

**"Everyone has something that they're truly passionate about and I'm glad I could be here to share this with you. I like seeing you smile like that. It makes me happy."**

Kate blushed again and looked down, **"Well, thank you for not...thinking I'm crazy or anything. Come on, I want to get the book in the window too, it's a good one and a first edition."** Kate led Vicky back to the window display and took the book. They started to go towards the cashier but Kate stopped,**"I'm sorry I'm being so...single-minded. Was there something you wanted to look for here?"**

**"No, no, I'm fine. I can come here anytime. This moment is for you, honey. I want you to enjoy your finds,"** she said with a genuine smile. She liked seeing Kate so excited and she was happy to know that it happened while she was here in Santa Fe.

Kate smiled. She liked hearing Vicky call her honey. It made her insides warm.** "In that case, let me pay for these and we can get back to our day together." **

Kate wanted to get Vicky alone, somewhere private but, oddly enough, she also wanted to feel the sunshine on her face while she kissed Vicky. Kate liked the thought of kissing Vicky in broad daylight, though not in full public view. It was a daydream she'd had when they were walking from the gallery to the bookstore.

**"Sounds good,"**she said and watched as Kate paid for the books. She wanted to take her back to her place where they could be alone and get to know each other better. She had a spacious porch where they could have a drink while cuddling on her patio sofa.

Kate paid for the books, not letting the higher price affect her joy at finding the rare books. She turned to Vicky and said,** "All set, let's go." **

**"You know, I had a thought, if you're up to it... I was wondering if you'd like to come over? I have a nice deck where we can enjoy the air and get to know each other...and perhaps pick up where we left off at the gallery."**

Kate thought about that as they left the bookstore. It sounded like a great idea. She smiled, **"Lead the way."**

They walked back to the gallery where Vicky's car was parked and again she helped Kate into the passenger side.

She pulled out of the lot and started across town to her house pointing out areas of interest to Kate as they went. When they arrived at Vicky's house, she parked in the garage and welcomed Kate to her humble abode. It was two stories with three bedrooms and two baths, a spacious kitchen and open living room.

She smiled, **"Make yourself comfortable. I'm going to make some coffee."**

Kate looked around the beautifully decorated living room and was impressed. She watched as Vicky walked into the kitchen and she smiled, the day was turning into one of the best she'd had in a long time. If someone had told her last week that she would meet someone on this trip, someone that she would end up falling for and wishing she didn't have to leave, she would've told them they were crazy. But here she was, with Vicky, and a part of her wished she didn't have to leave...or that she could bring Vicky back to New York with her.

Kate walked over to the windows and looked out onto a back yard filled with dark green grass that looked well cared for and, idly, Kate wondered how Vicky managed that in such a dry climate. That thought soon vanished when she saw the deck. It was natural wood and very big and Kate saw a comfy looking love seat against the left railing. It was right in a patch of sunshine and Kate felt herself grow warm as she pictured herself and Vicky on that couch, making out. She had to close her eyes to block out the images...only to have them explode to life behind her eyelids. Kate groaned lightly, hoping she could control herself around the blonde, not wanting to jump her right away and make this all about sex.


	3. Relaxing at Home

**Chapter 3: Relaxing at Home**

Vicky poured coffee into two matching brown mugs and carried one over to Kate, who was looking out the window. **"Do you want to go sit out there?"**

Kate turned to Vicky and smiled as she took the coffee mug. **"Would you mind? It's just...it's a nice day and I thought it would be fun to sit outside,"**Kate said, not ready to reveal her little mini fantasy of kissing Vicky in the sunshine.

**"Of course."** She took Kate's hand again and led her outside. **"Front or back?"**she asked with a grin.

Kate pondered what Vicky meant by that but in the end she played it safe and said, pointing to the love seat, **"Can we sit there?"**

Vicky laughed, **"No, I want to hold you, but only if you prefer that. If you like to be in the back, I would be more than happy to be held."**

Kate blushed, she hadn't thought of that. **"Oh...um...back then...I like the thought of holding you...if that's ok? We can switch positions later."**

**"Sounds perfect. I'll follow you,"**she said in encouragement to Kate. She'd be sure to bring up the front/back question again later in a different context.

Kate opened the glass door that led to the deck and made her way to the small wicker loveseat that had overstuffed cushions on it. She carefully settled herself on one end of the couch, taking off her slip on shoes and placing her coffee on the deck floor out of the way. She leaned her back against the arm and lifted one leg to rest against the back of the couch while the other stayed planted on the deck floor. Kate smiled up at Vicky then and patted the empty space in front of her in invitation. **"Join me?"**Kate smiled.

Vicky smiled and practically glided over. She held her coffee carefully as she settled in and leaned back against Kate. The other woman was so warm and Vicky loved that. She was typically cold, so it was a nice change to feel warm again.

Kate let Vicky settle down in front of her on the small couch before she slowly wrapped her arms around her waist. Kate smiled. She loved the way Vicky felt against her. It wasn't often that she got to have moments like this where she could just relax and hold someone she was attracted to. Kate bent her head and nuzzled Vicky's neck. She let the silence stretch out for a few moments before she whispered, close to the blonde's ear,** "This is nice, thank you."**

**"You don't have to thank me for this, Kate. I wanted to have a really special day with you and so far, I think it's going very well,"**she said with a smile and a soft sigh. She liked the feel of Kate nuzzling her neck.

Kate smiled against Vicky's neck and then let her tongue slip out to lightly lick the skin just above Vickys pulse point. She felt Vicky shiver and she tightened her grip. Kate lightly ran her tongue up Vicky's neck to her earlobe and nibbled on it. She heard the hitch in the blonde's breathing and decided she liked the effect she was having on the beautiful woman in her arms. **"So far? Hmmm...any ideas for how to keep it going?"**

**"Um,"** she took a steadying breath.** "I think you should keep doing what you're doing and we'll see how it goes...I'm guessing things are going to go from good to great."**

Kate nibbled again on Vicky's ear. She slid her hands a little higher, stopping just under the other woman's breasts. She was in the mood to tease Vicky a little, just to see how close she could bring the blonde to the edge before she reached her limit. **"Mmmm you taste so good,"**Kate whispered, allowing a low moan to escape her lips as she began feasting on the neck that was on display for her.

Vicky chuckled. It came from somewhere deep inside and she closed her eyes, **"You have no idea, Kate...just wait..."**She placed her hands on Kate's thighs and squeezed softly, showing the other woman just how much she was appreciating her attentions on her neck and abdomen.

Kate enjoyed the rumble that came from Vicky when she laughed. It vibrated through her and she smiled. **"I have no doubt you have even tastier...flavors. I can't wait to find out for myself,"**Kate said and then inhaled sharply when she felt Vicky's hands gripping her thighs.

**"And I'm sure you do too...I hope you don't think it too forward of me if I tell you that I had the most exquisite dream about you and what you taste like. Suffice it to say that I didn't want to get out of bed this morning."**

Kate grinned lifting her head slightly but still close enough that Vicky could feel her breath on her neck.** "Is that so? Well, dreams can come true...if you're a good girl."**Kate slipped her tongue against Vicky's neck, tracing the jugular vein in the process.

**"I can be very good..."**she said in a whisper as her hands trailed up and down Kate's legs. She wanted to turn around and kiss Kate with everything she had, but she didn't want to give up the wonderful attention that Kate was lavishing upon her. How long she'd be able to resist, though, wasn't clear to her.

Kate tightened her grip on Vicky as she felt her run her hands over her legs. Kate pulled Vicky closer, suddenly feeling like she was too far away. Kate idly wondered how she was going to survive the loneliness when she went back to New York and didn't have Vicky with her to hold like this, but she quickly put that thought out of her head and went back to kissing Vicky's neck. **"Good has its benefits but...being naughty can be just as satisfying."**Kate let one hand drift higher and cup Vicky's breast.

Vicky let out a moan and gently set her head back against Kate's shoulder. **"God..."**was all she said. It had been so long since anyone had touched her this intimately and Kate's gentleness and curiosity was insanely arousing to her. She wanted to give herself over to the brunette and let her do anything and everything she wanted.

At the sound of Vicky's moan, Kate almost lost the control she was barely hanging on to, but she gritted her teeth and forced herself to hang on. It would be so much sweeter if she waited a little bit longer. She wanted to build up the anticipation...draw out the foreplay and make their first time together unforgettable.

Kate had a sudden urge to wipe every past lover from Vicky's memory forever. Kate felt her possessiveness seep into her thoughts and she fought against them, knowing the line that separated healthy possessiveness from unhealthy obsession a little too well. Thankfully, she'd never crossed the line but she had come close enough to see it. Kate smiled as she said, **"God is a little formal, Kate will do fine, baby."**

Vicky laughed a husky laugh and turned her head ever so slightly to whisper into Kate's ear,** "Smartass."** Then she blew a stream of cool air against Kate's ear and again caressed the other woman's legs. She wanted to do more, but she wasn't sure if Kate was ready to take this indoors. If they went inside, things might progress to more than just foreplay and Kate was very clear about not making it about sex. She took a breath, but when the buildup got to be too much, she decided to take a chance, **"I want to have my turn...but not out here..."**

Kate chuckled at the smartass comment. She took a breath when Vicky suggested going inside. Kate tightened her grip on Vicky,** "Then let's take this somewhere less...exposed and see if I can make you scream." **

Vicky grinned,** "I'm figuring the odds are going to be very good on that."**She got up and took Kate's hand to lead her back into the house. She crossed the living room and led her upstairs to the master bedroom. The bed was perfectly made with a soft comforter cloaking a pair of burgundy silk sheets underneath.

Vicky figured it was a solid bet that Kate was going to come over sometime before she left, so she'd put the finest linens on the bed and set a fresh bouquet of flowers on her vanity, the scent of which was thick in the air.

As she followed Vicky through the house and up the stairs to the master bedroom, Kate thought about what she was doing, the out of character-ness of it all. This could technically be considered their second date, if you counted their time at the coffee shop last night, and they were already heading to bed. It was a lot faster than Kate had ever moved in her past relationships, but something about this just felt right, felt natural and Kate wasn't going to question it. She looked around the room and smiled as she saw how nice it looked. Kate had a feeling she was going to be spending a lot of time in this room while she was in town. **"This is a very nice bedroom."**

**"Thanks...I..."** Vicky blushed, **"I wanted to have everything look perfect in case you came over... It means a lot that you like it."** She took her by both hands and gently pulled her closer,** "I want us to take our time, is that ok? I want to explore your body and find out what you like and what really turns you on..."**

Kate smiled as she leaned closer to her soon to be lover, **"Slow is good...slow can be very good, especially for a first time."**She moved closer and kissed Vicky.

TBC...


	4. Their First Time

**Chapter 4: Their First Time**

Vicky wrapped her arms around Kate, her fingers gently tickling the small of her back. She was going to be as gentle or firm as Kate needed and she'd rely on the brunette to let her know what was working and what wasn't. She just wanted it to be as good as possible for Kate. She wanted to show her everything she was feeling inside.

Kate let herself get lost in Vicky's kiss as she wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck. Kate's fingers slipped into Vicky's hair and her nails lightly scratched the scalp. Kate felt Vicky's fingers on her back and she moaned a little at the sensation. After a few moments of kissing, Kate pulled away and began trailing her lips down Vicky's neck, licking and sucking her way down to the blonde's collarbone.

Vicky leaned her head back, her hair draping down over Kate's hands as they rested on her back. She smiled and sighed happily loving the way Kate's lips felt on her skin. They were so soft, like rose petals.

Kate loved how responsive Vicky was and she ran her hands down the blonde's back to her ass. Kate squeezed gently as she began sucking on Vicky's neck. Her movement pulled Vicky closer and Kate could feel her heart beating against her skin. She loved that feeling and she grinned against Vicky's skin.

Vicky looked down at Kate and suddenly it was hard to breathe. She was getting completely turned on and once the brunette grabbed her ass, she thought her knees were going to buckle. She gently caressed Kate's hair and said in a breathy voice, **"Baby, I need to lie down..."**

Kate pulled away from the deliciously smooth neck she was lavishing attention on and smiled up at Vicky, **"A little unsteady there, babe? Come on, I don't want you to fall down before I can have my way with you."**

Kate reached around and grabbed Vicky's hands to pull her closer to the bed. Before she let the blonde sit down, Kate grinned, **"But first, this has got to go." **Kate quickly removed Vicky's white blouse and her bra before she ran her fingers over the blonde's abs, caressing the smooth skin before she reached up and cupped her breasts.

Kate lowered her head and took one of Vicky's breasts in her mouth. She sucked on the nipple for a few moments before she gently maneuvered Vicky to lie down on the bed. Kate straddled the blonde and smiled down at her as she returned her attention to the blonde's perfect breasts.

Vicky was quivering beneath Kate, the warmth on her breasts causing her to moan. She liked having the other woman's weight on her. It made her feel like she was safe, which was something she hadn't felt in a long time. She tugged Kate's button-down up as much as she could and lightly scratched her manicured nails up and down tan skin. She could feel Kate shiver and it made her grin devilishly. She wanted to make her lover feel as aroused as she did.

Kate loved the feeling of Vicky's hands on her skin. It was seriously turning her on. She indulged in it for a few moments before she couldn't stand it any longer and she leaned up, smiling down at Vicky as she removed her own dark purple satin blouse and black lace bra. She loved the spark of arousal that flared in Vicky's eyes as she disrobed and she bounced a little bit before she slowly leaned down again and kissed Vicky's lips, slipping her tongue inside the warm mouth. Kate's hands lightly ran down Vicky's chest and played with her nipples as they kissed.

Vicky sucked on Kate's tongue and tightened her ab muscles, bucking up a little to tease Kate's pussy. She ran her hands down to Kate's ass and pushed her down, encouraging her to grind against her.

Kate ground against Vicky, feeling herself growing wet and aroused and she suddenly couldn't stand the thought of having anything between them. She broke the kiss and leaned back, resting on her knees above the blonde. She ran her hands to the button on Vicky's jeans and unbuttoned it quickly and lowered the zipper. She smiled down at Vicky, **"These have got to go baby. I need to feel all of you."**

Kate quickly removed not only Vicky's jeans and panties, but also her own. Before long, Kate lowered her naked body onto the blonde beneath her. She sighed as their skin made contact. Kate looked into Vicky's blue eyes, **"You have the softest skin and a great body. I am going to enjoy exploring it and finding out what makes you scream."**

Vicky's eyes somehow grew darker from not only Kate's words, but also the splendor of her body. She was so beautiful and Vicky just had to run her hands over every curve, from her perfect breasts to her hips to the swell of her ass.

She started from Kate's shoulders, fanning her fingers as she moved down over her breasts, stopping to tease her nipples before continuing her descent downward. She could see the glistening of arousal coming from between Kate's legs and she licked her lips, she wanted to have a taste.

Kate lost her concentration for a moment when Vicky's hands began exploring her body. She loved the feel of those soft, knowing hands on her skin. Kate began kissing her way down Vicky's body, overcome with the urge to taste the skin that was on display.

Kate felt the wetness on her thigh and the idea that she was the cause drove her on. She licked and sucked her way down Vicky's body pausing only to pay some extra attention to her breasts, her navel and the silky skin of her thighs before she looked up at Vicky. Kate smiled at her before she slipped her tongue out and got her first real taste of the blonde. Kate moaned at the flavor and pulled Vickys clit into her mouth to suck on it.

Vicky groaned and then growled when she felt the pressure on her clit. Her hips bucked and she gripped the blanket, her knuckles turning white as she felt both relief and desire overtake her. Her toes were curling as Kate worked her and she thought she was going to lose it, but somehow she fought back and let her mind control her body again, desperate to have Kate down there for as long as possible.

Kate ran her hands down Vicky's body to her thighs and gently spread her legs apart, giving her more access to the swollen folds she was eagerly enjoying. Kate moved her tongue lower and slipped inside the blonde, humming at the warmth that surrounded her tongue, knowing the vibration would add to Vicky's pleasure. Kate's hands slid over the blonde's skin to her ass and cupped the cheeks to lift the blonde off the bed. Kate moved one hand around and let her thumb press on Vicky's clit while she slid her tongue in and out of the blonde.

Vicky was arching up, forcing Kate's tongue deeper inside, her nipples taut and sensitive. She had to ease that tension, so she relaxed her weight down letting Kate support her and brought her hands up to cup her own breasts. She was already starting to tighten her grip on Kate's tongue and she was dangerously close, a wonderful aching sensation starting deep inside. She was moaning, Kate's name on her lips, as her whole body flushed pink. **"Baby, I'm close..."**

Kate pulled away for a moment to grin up at Vicky and said,** "Let yourself go baby, come for me. I want to hear you scream."**Kate then went back to her oral attentions, slipping one finger inside of Vicky as she sucked on the blonde's clit, wanting to push her over the edge and make her come in her mouth.

Vicky whimpered and suddenly, without any hope of holding it in any longer, Vicky exploded, her juices pouring out over Kate's hand. She screamed out Kate's name and pulsed hard, her entire body humming with pleasure. Her chest heaved and it took several moments for her body to relax back down onto the bed. She smiled down at Kate and managed, **"Wow..."**

Kate helped Vicky ride out her orgasm and she licked up every drop of fluid that spilled forth. She slowly glided her finger out of Vicky and slid her body up the blonde's, kissing every inch of pink skin as she went. Her own skin was sensitized by her intense arousal and she knew it wouldn't take much to make her come.

Kate licked her way from Vicky's neck to her ear and whispered,**"I knew you'd taste like heaven...I love being right."**Kate ran her tongue over the shell of her ear before she pulled back and kissed Vicky, letting the blonde taste herself as the kiss deepened.

Vicky was still hungry for the brunette and it was her turn to take Kate to the edge of the cliff. She rolled them so that Kate was on the bottom and grinned down at her, the heat still pouring off her body. **"I hope you're ready for me, baby. I need you like I've never needed anyone before..."**

She dropped her head to Kate's neck, the sweet scent of her skin mixed with the thin layer of sweat that was making her glow filled Vicky's senses and she went to work kissing and licking her, one hand gently massaging Kate's breast.

Kate closed her eyes and surrendered to her blonde lover. **"Oh yes Vicky, I am so ready...take me baby, I need to feel you inside me..."**Kate gripped the sheets with one hand while the other rested on the blonde's head. Kate wanted to draw it out as long as she could but she knew she wouldn't last very long.

Vicky sat down next to her, her body close to Kate's and placed one hand on Kate's stomach, tickling her by drawing little "S's " on her skin and then circling her navel. She looked down into Kate's eyes and smiled when she saw that her lover was having trouble keeping them open.

She started inching lower and then with both hands, she spread Kate's legs and inhaled deeply, able to take in her scent from where she was sitting. She continued tickling Kate with her index and middle finger, caressing her swollen and glistening lips, chuckling when she saw her quivering.

Kate felt the pressure build inside and she panted, **"Baby, please...stop teasing...I need you...please..."**Kate arched her hips seeking firmer contact with Vicky's fingers.

Vicky looked at her with a feral gaze and then pulled her hand away, quickly moving between Kate's legs. She parted her lips and slid her tongue over the length of Kates pussy, feeling her jump at the contact. Without warning, Vicky slipped her tongue inside of Kate and started thrusting in and out of the brunettes tight opening, her hands moving swiftly to add to her lovers pleasure. The left hand sought out Kate's full breasts and the right came to a rest on Kates soft curls, Vickys thumb pressing on the brunettes throbbing clit as she worked. Kate's wetness was like sweet nectar pouring out of a juicy peach and Vicky wanted as much as she could get.

Kate's senses went into overload and she gave up trying to hold back in favor of letting go. Kate felt her orgasm crash through her and she couldn't help but cry out, **"Oh yes! Yes, Vicky, oh yes baby!"**Kate arched her back and her eyes closed so tightly that she saw spots behind her eyelids. When she finally came down, Kate collapsed back on the bed and struggled to regain her breath.

Vicky slowed her tongue and eased off of Kate's clit to help her down. She kissed her pussy and then stretched out next to her, a smile on her face as she licked her lips,** "Hmmm, I think it might be you who tastes like heaven, baby. That was amazing..."**She kissed Kate's cheek and draped her hand over the brunette.

Kate was too weak from her orgasm to move much less respond with anything intelligent so she just said,** "Hmmm..."**Kate slowly turned her neck to face Vicky and smiled at the blonde as she looked at her.

Vicky leaned forward and kissed Kate's lips, brushing a piece of hair from her eyes, **"I think maybe we should take a nap...you look sleepy."**

Kate regained just enough movement to reach out and pull Vicky closer, snuggling into the blonde. **"A nap sounds good, when we wake up, I'm going to have my way with you again."**Kate nuzzled Vicky's neck and licked the sweat-slicked skin as her eyes drooped.

Vicky pulled the blanket over them and then tickled Kate's arm slowly until the brunette fell deeply asleep. She yawned and closed her own eyes, ready to fall asleep as well. The last thought she had before she drifted peacefully off was how quickly she was falling for the other woman and how ready she was for something like this to slept for about a half hour before Kate woke up and began to run her hands over Vicky's body. She felt the blonde slowly wake up and she grinned and moved lower. Kate looked up at Vicky, **"You ready for round two baby?"**

Through the sleepy haze, Vicky smiled and answered, **"Mmmm, yes. I love having sleepy sex...what did you have in mind?"**

Without a word, Kate proceeded to show Vicky what she had in mind. Several hours later, they were both completely spent and satisfied and they dropped off to sleep for the night.

Kate's last conscious thought was that if she wasn't careful, she'd fall head over heels in love with Vicky. She knew that would only cause her pain when her vacation was over and she had to leave, but Kate could already tell that it might be too late to prevent it.

TBC...


	5. The Next Day

**Chapter 5: The Next Day**

The next morning, Vicky awoke when the sun came streaming in through the window. Her hair was draped over her face but the glow from underneath was undeniable. She and Kate had spent a glorious afternoon making love, exploring each other and making each other feel like there was no one else in the world except the two of them. Vicky couldn't remember the last time that she'd felt this happy and she was grateful for having met Kate. She wanted to stay in that bed with her and just be. No cares, no interruptions, nothing but her and this woman that she was falling for so completely.

Slowly, against her will, Kate's body began to awaken. She kept her eyes closed, cherishing the memories of the night before. Kate snuggled deeper against the warm body next to her, loving the softness she found there. After a few moments, she sensed that Vicky was awake and she smiled as she leaned back to look at the face of the woman she was cuddled against. She melted a little at the look in the blonde's eyes.** "Good morning baby."**

Vicky smiled, a nice rosy hue in her cheeks, **"Good morning."** She cuddled closer to Kate and rubbed her back softly. **"Did you sleep well?"**

Kate grinned, she leaned closer and lightly kissed Vicky's chin, **"What little sleep I did get, yes. You?"**

**"Mmmhmmm. I don't think I've slept this well in...years. Thank you,"** she said and pecked her forehead. **"You were so amazing last night..."**

Kate blushed, **"You weren't so bad yourself."**She smiled as she ran a hand over Vicky's hip.

Kate was so soft and gentle, but Vicky had also seen that she could be powerful and commanding and she liked that a lot. Her hand drifted into Kate's short hair and she smiled, **"You're so beautiful."**

Kate had never been comfortable with praise about her looks. Her years as a model had taught her that looks were superficial and anyone who told you that you were beautiful usually had a personal agenda. It had made Kate a little wary of such compliments even though it had been several years since she left the modeling world behind for law enforcement. But hearing Vicky say it, the look in her eyes as she spoke the words, made Kate wish she could let go of her past and believe the truth of the words. Instead, she smiled as she shifted her body and rolled Vicky onto her back. Without a word, she hovered over the blonde goddess for a second and then lowered herself down to kiss the lips that had brought her so much pleasure the night before.

Vicky held onto her and kissed her back deeply, her tongue playing with Kate's. She could feel herself becoming aroused again and she knew that it was one choice or the other: stop kissing her and get out of bed or continue kissing her and stay in bed. Vicky was a fan of the latter, but she thought she should give Kate a choice instead of assuming. She pulled back and looked into Kate's eyes, **"If you keep kissing me like that, I might just have to have my way with you again..."**

Kate grinned down at her, the thought did have some appeal but she felt the need to ask,** "Don't you have to work today? I don't want to get you in trouble with your boss, despite your $8,000 sale yesterday."** The tone in her voice suggested that she didn't completely believe Vicky's story from yesterday simply because it seemed a little too convenient. At the time she hadn't questioned it because she wanted to spend the afternoon with Vicky, but she couldn't in good conscience let Vicky miss another day of work just so that they could be together. After all, Kate was on vacation but Vicky wasn't.

**"Yes, I do, but it doesn't mean we can't make love again before I have to get ready..."** she said with a grin before caressing Kate's cheek.** "I'm sorry, I just can't seem to get enough to you."**

Kate closed her eyes as the words sank in. She leaned into Vicky's touch on her cheek and after a moment she opened her eyes, smiling, **"Trust me the feeling is most definitely mutual, but something tells me if we start something, you're not going to make it into work today at all."** Kate softened her words with a kiss, **"So how about, you go take a shower and get ready and I'll...make you some breakfast?" **

Vicky smiled, **"Ok, deal, but that's mostly because I think you're a wonderful cook...not sure why, just a gut feeling."** She leaned up and kissed her one more time before slipping out from under Kate, **"Everything you need is in the fridge...pans are hanging over the center island and utensils are in the drawer to the right of the stove."**

Kate felt the loss of contact and fought not to pull Vicky back into bed. She instead grinned up at the blonde who was wrapping a robe around her body. **"Well, you'll just have to wait and be surprised. Now go, shower while I make breakfast."**Kate shooed the other woman out of the bedroom, oddly shy about her nudity now that they weren't in the throes of passion.

Vicky trudged over to the bathroom and looked back with a pout, missing Kate already, **"I won't be long..."**She disappeared into the bathroom to take a shower, though she hated to wash Kate's scent from her skin.

Kate grinned at the pout. It was so adorable. She got up from the bed and quickly found her shirt and jeans from yesterday. She didn't like having to put them back on but she didn't think anything Vicky owned would fit her. She walked on bare feet into the kitchen and looked in the fridge. She smiled as she saw that Vicky did indeed have everything she needed to make her favorite breakfast dish. She pulled out the ingredients from the fridge, gathered the pans and bowls she needed, and began working while humming a silly love song under her breath.

By the time Vicky got out of the shower, she could smell a wonderful aroma coming from the kitchen. She put on her robe and towel dried her hair before walking out of the room. She crossed over to the kitchen and leaned against the island, watching Kate as she finished preparing the meal. **"Hey beautiful, it smells good..."**

Kate smiled as she looked over at Vicky. Over the aroma of the food, was the clean, fresh scent that came from Vicky. She smelled so good. **"It's not the only thing that smells good. Come here."**Kate used one hand to grip the lapel of Vicky's robe and she pulled her closer. She buried her face in Vicky's neck, inhaling deeply before she opened her mouth and began tasting the skin there.

Vicky smiled and chuckled, **"I see you're still hungry...do I taste good?"**

Kate smiled, **"Mmmhmmm...honey you taste so good, you could be the fifth food group..."**Kate said, too turned on to care if she sounded cheesy or corny. She slid the hand that had been holding Vicky's robe under the silky material and caressed the soft skin of her abdomen. Kate's other hand turned off the stove so she could concentrate on devouring Vicky without worrying about burning the food.

Vicky moaned, her stomach muscles tightening and relaxing under Kate's touch. **"God, you're making me wet again..."**

Kate pulled away, grinning. **"Good...I like the thought of you, wet, working at the gallery without being able to get relief...anticipating tonight when I get you into bed and make you come so hard you'll pass out,"**Kate whispered into Vicky's ear before she reached her tongue out to trace the outer shell teasingly.

Vicky shivered and nearly passed out right there in her arms. **"God, you have no idea how badly I want you right now...it's going to make work seem like torture. I'll be squirming until I can come home and be with you again..."**

Kate grinned at the words, **"Then my evil plan is working."** Kate leaned in and kissed Vicky,** "Now come on, the food's ready."**Kate turned back to the stove and began dishing up their breakfast onto two plates and she moved to the table with them.

Vicky sat down and smiled when she looked at her plate. **"Nice to see I was right, you are a good cook."**

Kate smiled, she knew Vicky was dying to ask what it was and she wondered how long it would take her. In the end she decided she didn't want to wait so she said, **"Well, try it before you praise it. It's called _Malukuao_."**

Vicky looked up at her, **"Come again?"** Then she blushed and said, **"Um, forget I said that. What is it? "**

Kate chuckled at Vicky's slip on the tongue. She cleared her throat,** "Um...it's a dish my mother used to make on Sunday mornings. She gave it the weird name when I was five and I asked her what this weird new dish was. She called it_ Malukuao_ and said it was an old family recipe passed down through the generations since the 1600's."** Kate grinned,** "Yeah I was five and I believed her. When I was 16, she told me the truth, it was a dish she had invented all on her own. It's a carefully chaotic blend of eggs, sausage, peppers, cheese, and a secret ingredient that my mom didn't reveal to me until I was 18."** Kate paused as she looked at Vicky,** "It was her favorite thing to make for breakfast and it's become my favorite too. I hope you like it."**

Vicky could see the sparkle in Kate's eyes and she said, **"I know I will."** She took a bite and made an "Mmmmm" sound, **"This is amazing! Do you think someday maybe you'll teach me to make it? "**

Kate's smile faltered for a split second but was soon back in full force. No one had ever asked her to teach them how to make _Malukuao_. That was probably also due to the fact that she didn't often make it for others. Only Lanie, Ryan, and Esposito had ever had the honor. **"Um...yeah maybe, one day." ** Kate wasn't comfortable making long terms plans when she didn't know if she was ever going to see Vicky again after her vacation was over. But she tried to hide her reluctance, **"But if you learn how to make it, you might not need me around anymore."**

**"Even if I knew, I'd still want you to make it for me. I'd want to learn to treat you to breakfast once in a while. My culinary repertoire is fairly limited..."**

Kate smiled, **"Well...I happen to have a fairly broad resume when it comes to food so, I'm sure we can come to some...arrangement."**

**"I like the sound of that. We can trade food secrets for massages. I'm gifted with my hands,"** she said with a grin and then turned her attention to her food. She was talking in the long term, but realistically she knew that Kate was leaving soon and she couldn't go with her. She just liked to think of what could be possible.

Kate blushed as she remembered just how gifted those hands were. She turned to her food and tried to think about something else. **"Um, what time do you get out of work today?"**

**"About 5:30. What do you have planned for your day?"**

**"I have to swing by my hotel and shower and change clothes then after that, I'll probably walk around for a bit, find a nice quiet spot in a park with some sun and read my Castle book. Did you want to meet for lunch again?"**

**"I'd love that. I'll be free from noon to one, so we can go have a nice meal somewhere or even picnic in the park, if you want."**

**"That sounds nice. I'll swing by the gallery around noon with a picnic and you can show me where there's a nice park for it, ok?"**

Kate liked the thought of a picnic in the sunshine. She had already fallen in love with the weather here...and falling for Vicky wasn't too far behind.

**"I know the perfect place. I'll take my walking shoes to change into. I don't like wearing my heels on grass,"**she said sounding very girly.

Kate just grinned. **"Then it's a date. Now hurry up and finish your breakfast. You need to get to work and, maybe drop me off at my hotel on the way?"**Kate's voice started out a little bossy but tapered off to questioning.

Vicky nodded and then finished up her breakfast. Once the dishes were cleared from the table, she grabbed her keys and drove Kate back to her hotel. During the drive she kept one hand on the wheel and the other was laced with Kate's hand, maintaining their connection for as long as possible. When they arrived at the hotel, Kate reluctantly left the car after kissing Vicky good-bye. She knew that Vicky had to be at work soon but they both found comfort in the fact that it would only be a few hours before they'd see each other again.

* * *

><p>Kate went up to her room and threw herself on the bed. She stared at the ceiling with a goofy smile on her face. Last night had been one of the best nights of her life.<p>

Kate slowly sat up, still smiling, and walked over to the bathroom to turn on the water for a shower. She looked at herself in the mirror as she removed her clothes. Kate blushed when she saw the various tiny hickeys that Vicky had left on her skin. Kate smiled as she remembered exactly how each mark was made on her chest. She lightly traced the darkest mark, resting on her collarbone, high enough to be seen if wearing a v-neck but easily hidden by a t-shirt or dress shirt. There was a moment, just after Vicky had made that mark, when Kate had joked about the blonde "marking her territory." Vicky had smiled slyly but didn't say anything, preferring to resume her oral teasing of Kate's breasts. Kate liked the mark, she liked the thought of Vicky marking her, making it clear to anyone who noticed, that Kate was taken.

Vicky was in a haze as she attended to her work at the gallery. Almost like she was on autopilot. She documented sales, took photos of the new pieces that had come in yesterday afternoon, did a walk through to make sure everything was in its place, but none of it really registered. All she could think about was Kate and everything that they had shared the night before. She hadn't felt this alive since before she was put into the program, during the few months that she and her ex, Olivia Benson, were together and still happy. Still, it wasn't anything like this. Kate was ok with who she was, she knew that she loved being with women and Vicky knew it. She didn't feel as though she was an experiment or something to be hidden away.

Kate had embraced her and Vicky felt safe enough to assert her passion and hunger for the other woman, going so far as leaving those marks on her body. She wanted Kate and the idea of having to say good-bye to her was more than she could really handle right now. It just seemed like a cruel torture that Kate lived in New York and that was the one place Vicky wanted to be more than anywhere else...now she had an even greater reason why.

* * *

><p>Kate was sitting on the bed in her hotel room in her bathrobe. She had some time before she had to go meet Vicky with the picnic lunch that she had already ordered from room service. They were even providing the basket and it would be delivered to her room just before she had to leave.<p>

For the moment, Kate decided to take a few minutes to relax. She knew things were moving fairly fast between her and Vicky and while, intellectually, she knew they should slow down, her heart was overriding her logic. She felt compelled to enjoy her time with Vicky and worry later about the loneliness that would surround her back in New York.

Kate's eyes fell on the two books that were resting on the nightstand. She smiled as she picked up the first one that Richard Castle had ever written and ran her fingers lightly over the cover. She was such a huge fan of Richard Castle and his amazing writing that she could hardly wait to sit down and read it. Kate idly wondered how he managed to write the law enforcement side so realistically, not to mention how he was able to get into the criminal mind so completely. Kate sighed as she realized that she'd never know so there was really no point wondering...besides, she had much better things to think about. Kate got up and started to get dressed. She chose a dark blue t-shirt and blue jeans with her black ballet flats. Kate liked how she looked and hoped Vicky would too. A knock on her door alerted her that it was almost time to go get Vicky. She opened the door and let the waiter set the basket on the small table by the wall. She tipped him, thanked him, and he left.

Kate grabbed the canvas tote that shed bought the day before she met Vicky and tucked Castle's book into it along with her cell phone. She grabbed the basket and the tote and left her hotel to begin walking in the direction of the gallery, the smile on her face showing no signs of going away anytime soon. She had almost arrived at the gallery when her cell phone buzzed a text. She stopped at a nearby bench and set the basket down to check her cell. It was Lanie:

_**[hey girl! just checkin on ya. didn't hear from u after yesterday morning. Lemme know ur safe plz!]**_

Kate smiled, it was nice knowing someone was worried about her. She hit the reply button and typed out her response:

_**[hey Lanie. Sorry bout the silence, got lost in a book, but I'm alive & well! tnx 4 caring!]**_

Kate didn't like lying to her friend but knew if she told the truth she'd never get any peace. Kate stood from the bench and started walking towards the gallery again. She noticed a beautiful red head enter the gallery and paused, not wanting to bother Vicky if she was occupied. After a few minutes she realized the woman was going to be a while so she stepped into the gallery, deciding to look at the artwork again while she waited for Vicky.

* * *

><p>While Kate was outside texting Lanie, Vicky was busy in the back supervising some moving men when she heard the front door bell jingle. Someone was in the gallery and she hoped it was the someone she was hoping for. She instructed the men to stack some crates over by the corner and then walked out front to see if it was Kate who'd walked inside.<p>

Vicky had to work hard to hide her disappointment when she saw that the visitor wasn't Kate but rather a very attractive red-haired woman. Vicky quickly took stock of the woman and pegged her as a serious buyer, not just one of the browsers that usually ended up being a waste of her time. Vicky stepped closer to the woman and smiled. **"Hello, welcome to the Serenity Jones Gallery. My name is Vicky, are you looking for something specific?"**

The woman smiled as Vicky approached. **"Hello, my name is Catherine. Im in town for a seminar, but my father asked me to come by and take a look at some paintings he saw here last month. My father owns a few hotel-casinos in Las Vegas and hes looking into replacing some of the artwork in the high roller suites."**

**"Do you see anything that you like?" **Vicky asked politely. It might be another big day for her and the galley.

**"Well, there are some very beautiful pieces...but I'd like to have a collection of 5 or 6 works from the artist who created this painting,"** Catherine said as she pointed to a very beautiful abstract piece.

Vicky nodded and was about to respond when she heard the door open again. It was Kate. Vicky grinned and waved discreetly to Kate before returning her attention to the other woman, **"Um, we work with the artist and he has an entire studio full of paintings. If you'd like, I can arrange for him to send over some snapshots of his work and you can pick the ones you like most."**

Catherine smiled,**"I'd appreciate that. I'm actually on my way back to give a talk, but perhaps I can come in this afternoon and browse the work."**Catherine liked the idea of seeing this woman again. She was very beautiful and now that Catherine was single again thanks to Sara running off to God knows where and leaving her a Dear Jane letter as her only explanation, Catherine thought maybe this trip to New Mexico for a forensic seminar didnt have to be a total waste. The thought that this woman might be straight or taken didnt even cross her mind as Catherine turned on her charm. She had yet to meet a woman, straight or not, that she couldnt get into her bed.

Kate watched the red head flirt with Vicky and couldn't help the insecurity that flared up. The woman was beautiful, poised, sexy, confident and she was standing a little too close to Vicky for Kate's liking, but Kate fought down her jealousy, explaining to herself that she was just imagining it.

The blonde, who was focused on her upcoming lunch with Kate, didn't realize that Catherine was obviously flirting with her. She just wanted to get her out of the gallery so that she could be alone with her new lover. She shook the woman's hand and said, **"Of course, I'll be here to work with you when you're done."**

**"Great. I'll see you later then,"** Catherine said with a slick smile and then she brushed past Kate on her way out of the gallery.

Kate watched the woman leave and got a whiff of perfume as she passed her. She smelled rich, but she reminded herself that Vicky had sent her away in what seemed like a hurry and she smiled once again. When she noticed that the gallery was empty, she walked over to Vicky and kissed her lips, **"Hi."**

**"Hi. Don't you look lovely?"** Vicky asked with a smile. **"Let me just change my shoes and we'll get out of here."** She walked to the counter and slipped out of her heels quickly. She put on a pair of comfortable tennis shoes and struck a pose for Kate, **"Ta-da!"** Then she walked out with Kate and asked,** "Can I help carry something?"**

Kate smiled as she walked next to Vicky. **"Nope, I got it. The sneakers look nice on you."**Kate slipped her free hand through Vicky's arm pulling her closer as they walked. She really liked being close to her.

**"Blouse, pencil skirt, stockings, and sneakers, I'm one of the few who can pull it off,"** she teased. **"We're headed up to Hyde Park, there's a large field where we can sit and enjoy the beautiful weather and our meal."**

Kate smiled, **"Sounds good to me. And baby, you can make acid-washed jeans and tie-dye t-shirts with pumps look good." **

**"God, I hope I never have to wear anything like that, ever."** Vicky loved her clothes and unless someone forced her, she'd never don an outfit like that.

Kate pouted, but she had an idea. **"Well...Halloween is coming up...you could dress up as a mall queen from the 80s,"**Kate suggested, struggling not to laugh at the look on Vicky's face.

**"The only way in hell I'd do that is if I could put you in a ballerina outfit, tutu and all..."**Vicky said with an evil grin.

Kate took a moment to conjure that mental image and said, **"I might be talked into that...given the right, motivation."**Kate's voice took on a seductive tone as she grazed her fingernails across the inside of Vicky's forearm.

**"So what would it take, exactly, for me to get you into a ballerina outfit?"**Vicky asked, her curiosity piqued by Kate's statement. She knew that the other woman liked to tease, but she would seriously like to see her walk into her bedroom in a leotard, tutu, and ballet slippers just for the novelty of it all. Of course, she'd enjoy helping her out of the outfit even more.

Kate faltered for a moment, not expecting Vicky to call her on her comment. She thought about the question and said, **"Hmmm...well...it might involve you and me in New York at a Halloween party...in the Village where we won't stand out too much and maybe...just maybe...you letting me take pictures of you in the tie-dye and acid-wash..."** Kate said, thinking on her feet but knowing she was coming up with a lame response.

**"Really? I expected something much kinkier than that,"** she said as they arrived at the park. The grass was still very green and lush and any place would be good to settle down for lunch. They walked along the sidewalk until Vicky spotted the perfect place. She led Kate over and said, **"Do you like it here?"**

Kate looked down at the area Vicky stopped at and said, **"Yeah this is fine."** Then she chuckled,** "And as for your earlier comment, not everything has to be about sex. Besides, I'm not very kinky. Sorry,"** Kate said with a shrug, her voice holding no trace of an apology.

**"Yes, I know, it was just unexpected that it was something so innocent,"** Vicky said as she helped Kate spread out a blanket and then the food. She sat down and tried to peek into the basket, **"What did you pack?"**

Kate playfully tapped Vicky's hands away, **"No peeking. I had the hotel pack a few things I thought you might like."** Kate smiled at Vicky as she unpacked containers of cheese cubes, crackers, and grapes. She also brought out two sandwiches wrapped in wax paper and a bottle of non-alcoholic white wine and two plastic wine glasses.**"I hope I made the right choices."**

**"It looks wonderful Kate, I love wine and cheese and if you'll indulge me, I'd like to feed you grapes..."**

Kate blushed. **"I'd like that. Um...the wine is non-alcoholic because I know you have to go back to work,"** Kate explained as she opened the containers and spread the cheese, crackers and grapes on the round plate the hotel had provided.

Vicky took the liberty of pouring a glass for each of them and handed one to Kate. She held up her glass and smiled, clinking the glasses before taking a sip. Then she set it down and reached out for the grapes. She moved closer to Kate and plucked a grape, **"Open up."**

Kate set her glass down and smiled as she leaned forward and opened her mouth.

Vicky gently slipped a grape into Kate's mouth and then caressed her cheek. She plucked another grape and waited until Kate was ready for another. **"Is it good?"**

Kate smiled as she chewed the grape. She swallowed then leaned forward and kissed Vicky. The kiss deepened right away and Kate let herself get lost in it. Vicky could taste the sweetness and moved a little closer to Kate. She set down the bunch of grapes and ran her fingers through Kate's hair.

Kate smiled as she felt Vicky move closer and she shifted closer, wrapping her arm around the blonde's waist.

Vicky loved the way it felt when she and Kate were close like this. It helped her not to feel so alone in a place where she saw herself like a perpetual square peg. She lightly scratched Kate's scalp and moaned into the kiss.

Kate reluctantly pulled away from the kiss. **"Baby, as much as I am enjoying this, we should stop. This is a public park and I think getting arrested for public lewdness might be a bit of a mood killer,"** Kate said, trying to inject a little humor. She didn't want to stop and she didn't want Vicky to think that she was trying to hide anything they were from the world. She just didn't want to get arrested and have to explain that to her Captain...not to mention the fact that she knew Ryan and Esposito would never let her live it down.

Vicky chuckled, **"Agreed. Here, open."**She held up another grape and fed it to Kate before turning her attention to the cheese. She picked up a cube and popped it in her mouth, thoroughly enjoying the rich flavor. Whoever packed this picnic certainly knew what they were doing.

Kate finished her grape and smiled at Vicky. **"So, tell me something about you? Something that most people don't know, please?"**

Vicky looked up at her as her blood ran cold and she swallowed hard, **"Um...something they don't know... Uh, well, I...I'm a huge Frank Sinatra fan."**She smiled, hoping her facial expression wasn't giving away that there was something deeper.

Kate smiled, she sensed there was something Vicky wasn't telling her, but she decided not to push. Everyone had secrets, things they didn't bring out into the light of day, and Kate was fine with that for now. **"Sinatra? He had some great songs."**

**"He did. I also loved his movies. High Society was my favorite though. When I was a little girl, I watched it with my mom and I just loved it. I wanted Grace Kelly to end up with him instead of Bing Crosby,"** she said with a chuckle.

Kate frowned, **"I don't think I've ever seen that movie. What's it about?"**Kate wanted to know more about Vicky and she liked classic movies. If the movie had Grace Kelly, Bing Crosby, and Frank Sinatra then it definitely qualified as a classic.

**"It's about a spoiled socialite who is getting married to her second husband, except her first husband, Bing Crosby, doesn't want to let her go. Toss in two reporters who are there to spy on the wedding preparation, and you've got a classic comedy with some really wonderful musical numbers. Sinatra was one of the reporters and he, of course, also fell for Grace."**

Kate tilted her head.** "I like the sound of that. I don't suppose we could rent it sometime and watch it together?"**Kate asked, curious.

**"I own it, so maybe one night after dinner we can settle in on my couch and watch it. I must warn you though; I might be a little touchy-feely while we watch. Nothing beyond PG-13, but the movie always makes me feel romantic."**

Kate grinned,** "I like the sound of that and trust me when I say this, I won't mind if you get touchy-feely. In case you haven't noticed, I like touching you and being touched by you so I don't think that's going to be a problem. Maybe we could have dinner tonight at your place and we can watch the movie?"**Kate didn't want to push or anything but she really wanted to spend as much time with Vicky as she could while she was in town.

**"That sounds perfect. We can order out and enjoy a nice quiet evening on my leather couch with the big screen. And when we're done eating, I'll hold you in my arms and shower you with my attentions."**

**"I like the sound of that...but instead of ordering in, how about I cook dinner...something really yummy."**

Kate liked the thought of cooking for Vicky. Kate didn't cook for just anyone, but she wanted to cook for Vicky.

**"Are you sure? I don't want you to have to slave over a hot stove just for me..."**Vicky said and took a sip of wine.

Kate leaned forward and kissed Vicky, tasting the wine on her tongue. **"Yeah I'm sure. I want to make you a meal and you can shower me with your...attentions after dinner. Deal?"**

**"Sure. Is there anything special you need for the meal?"**

Kate smiled, **"All I need is you. If you can tell me where I can find a grocery store I can get exactly what I need while you're at work."**

**"There's one near the mall. It's about 2 miles from here. Do you want to borrow my car to go?"**

Kate raised an eyebrow, **"You would trust me to drive your car?"**

**"Why not? You have a license right? I have full coverage in case anything happens..."**

Kate raised her hand to Vicky's face. **"Yes I have a license and a very safe driving record. I can pick you up from work at 5:30."**

**"Sounds perfect. I'll give you my keys when we get back to the gallery."**

Kate and Vicky were walking back to the gallery holding hands. Kate was a little nervous about borrowing Vicky's car, especially when she wasn't very familiar with this town but she was determined to surprise Vicky with a great dinner. Kate glanced over at the blonde and smiled as she traced her profile with her eyes, memorizing every line. She wanted to commit every detail to memory so that when she was back in her little apartment in Manhattan, she could pull out the images of Vicky and keep herself warm at night.

Kate stumbled on a crack in the sidewalk and leaned against Vicky to keep from falling. She looked up at Vicky, **"Sorry, I'm a bit of a klutz sometimes."**

Vicky smiled, **"I don't mind being the one to catch you."** She squeezed Kate's hand and then looked into her eyes,** "You have the most beautiful eyes. I don't think I could ever get tired of looking into them."**

Kate blushed,** "Um...thanks..."** Kate didn't know what to say to that. She never really thought her eyes were anything special. They were brown, nothing remarkable about that. Kate looked into Vicky's eyes and thought that she could drown in them. They were a shade of blue that reminded her of swimming pools she saw in the Olympics. Kate reached up and caressed Vicky's cheek, **"You are...so much more than I could ever have hoped for and I...I am really glad that I met you."**Kate smiled and leaned closer to kiss Vicky.

Vicky blushed. **"I feel the same about you, Kate. I can't tell you how happy I am that you fell in love with the Chapel and came here. I just wish there was a way I could go back with you,"**Vicky said sadly. She missed New York and the thought of getting to go back with Kate was enough to make her cry. She needed to go home and she wanted to make that journey with this woman who was making her so happy.

Kate rested her head on Vicky's shoulder for a moment. She took a deep breath before she lifted her head and looked into Vicky's eyes,** "So why don't you? I mean, you must have some vacation time saved up at the gallery, why not come visit me in New York?"**Kate knew she sounded a little excited and maybe even a tad desperate, but she couldn't help it. She really wanted to show Vicky her New York and share with her the little hidden gems the city held that most people didn't know about.

**"I..."** Vicky sighed, **"You have no idea how much I would love that, Kate...but I wouldn't be able to take vacation until the holidays and you know how hard it is to travel to large cities during that time...couldn't we go someplace else? Upstate maybe? We could find a nice little resort and just get away from it all."**

Kate looked at Vicky for a moment then thought about what she was asking, **"Um...yeah that, um...that sounds good. Somewhere with snow and a cabin with a fireplace, maybe?"**Kate smiled as the thought grew on her. She could always show Vicky her favorite places another time. Kate liked the thought of having Vicky all to herself in a cabin, snowed in with a roaring fire in the fireplace, some good wine, and nothing but hours to spend enjoying each other.

**"I know a place just like that, actually. It's up in the Hudson Valley. I can show you when you come over later. Its beautiful,"**she said with a smile as she thought about how perfect that place would be.

Kate leaned forward and kissed Vicky. She pulled away and said, **"I'd like that. But now we should get to the gallery so you're not late getting back to work and I can go get the things I need for dinner, ok?" **

Vicky nodded and then continued back to the gallery. When they got back, Vicky went to the desk and unlocked the drawer to get her keys. She took them out and jingled them, grinning at Kate.

Kate smiled at Vicky's grin. She stepped closer and reached for the keys. When Vicky moved her hand back, out of her reach, Kate leaned closer and kissed her, deepening the kiss and running her hand around Vicky's waist and down to her ass. Kate squeezed gently, distracting Vicky enough to let her reach up with her other hand and grab the keys from Vicky's limp hand. Kate slipped the keys into her pocket before she pulled away and smiled up at Vicky,** "Thank you."**

Vicky struggled to catch her breath and grinned again,** "You're welcome. Um, I have GPS in the car, just type in Albertson's and it should guide you straight there."**

Kate squeezed Vicky's butt again, smiling as Vicky's eyes widened. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Vicky's pulse point.

**"PG-13 is quickly flying out the window,"** Vicky said with a sly grin.** "Now get going before I take you in back."**

Kate pulled back and bit her bottom lip, thinking about Vicky's warning. **"Not that I wouldn't love to go in the back and let you have your wicked way with me, but this is your job and I don't want to get you in trouble in case your boss or a customer shows up. So I am going to get going and get what I need to make you a dinner that you will love. I will be back here at 5:30 to pick you up, ok?"**

**"Sounds perfect, babe. Be safe."**She placed her hands on Kate's cheeks and leaned in to kiss her one last time before letting her go on her way. She looked at the clock and sighed, she still had a long time to wait before Kate would be back to pick her up and take her home. She chuckled at herself when she realized just how bad she had it for this woman. She'd barely left and she was already wishing it was time for her to come back.

TBC...


	6. Dinner and a Movie

**Chapter 6: Dinner and a Movie**

Kate got back into Vicky's car after placing the grocery bags in the back seat. She checked the time and saw she had just under an hour before she had to get Vicky from work. Rather than let the groceries sit in the car, she decided to drop the food off at Vicky's house before she went to pick up the blonde. Kate checked the key ring and smiled when she noticed the house key. The only problem was, she didn't quite remember how they had gotten to Vicky's the night before so she was going to need the GPS to find her way. The only problem was, she didnt have Kates address, but always resourceful, she opened the glove compartment and found the cars registration. She typed the address into the unit and made the drive across town.

When Kate got to Vicky's house, she quickly transferred the bags of food to the kitchen. She had to fight the urge to snoop around a bit now that she was alone in Vicky's house. The detective in her was curious, but she knew it would be wrong so she quickly put the fridge things in the fridge and left the house. She got back in the car and took a deep breath before pulling away from the house and heading towards the gallery. It was almost 5:30 and she didn't want to be late.

Vicky was just finishing up some paperwork with Ms. Willows when she saw Kate walk through the door. She looked over and smiled, mouthing the words,_ "I'm almost done." _

Catherine was leaning over on the counter as Vicky filled out the form, her chest resting against the marble in a very seductive way. This time, without Kates presence, Catherines advances were glaringly clear, but Vicky continued to remain professional, which only prompted Catherine to come on stronger. She handed a pen to the redhead and said, **"Just sign there and the artwork will be crated and shipped to your father's casino right away."**

Kate watched silently from across the room as Vicky dealt with the flirty redhead. It didn't take a detective to see that she wanted to bed Vicky. Once again, Kate felt the jealousy rise up but this time, there was something else there...it was insecurity.

The redhead was beautiful, sexy, and a little exotic looking. Kate knew she herself was attractive, but she was also a bit insecure when it came to her looks and relationships. Kate's last two 'girlfriends' had left her for women who were...more beautiful, more feminine.

The thing that her exes failed to understand was that Kate couldn't afford to be as girly as she might like because she always had to prove herself as one of the guys if she wanted to get ahead in the NYPD. She was who she was, but that didnt always make it easy when it came to meeting other women. Vicky, on the other hand, was very feminine and Kate loved that about her but it also made her wonder if Vicky might want someone more like the redhead who was actively and openly flirting with her right now in her high heels and low-cut blouse. Kate sighed, knowing if Vicky made that choice there wouldn't be anything she could do about it...except maybe cry or hit something.

While Kate was waiting, Catherine picked up the pen to sign the form and deliberately added her personal number at the bottom, **"Feel free to call me, I'm in town for a few more days... I would like to see you again in a less...professional setting."**

Vicky put on the most polite face she could manage and said, **"Ms. Willows, I appreciate the offer, but I'm afraid I have to decline. I'm actually seeing someone and I care about her very much. If that means you want to cancel your order, I'll understand, but I won't hurt her. I'm sorry."**

Kate had to turn away when she heard what Vicky said. She had to hide the smile and the tears that had sprung to her eyes. She discreetly wiped the tears away and pretended to study the painting on the wall.

Catherine looked up at Vicky, obviously offended by the implication that she only wanted the art to get a date with her. **"Ms. Harrison, I don't need to use guises to get a date and I don't appreciate you implying that I do. We want the art, dating you simply would've been a little bit of fun on the side. If you don't want to take the opportunity its your loss. Have the art delivered within two days..."**Then she picked up her bag and stormed out of the gallery.

Vicky raised an eyebrow and shook her head, **"Wow, that was unreal."** Then she looked over at Kate and smiled, obviously tired, **"Hey beautiful."**

Kate heard the woman leave and she hid another smile. Vicky's rejection made Kate happy but she knew she shouldn't show it. She shouldn't be smug. Kate turned around when Vicky addressed her. She smiled at the blonde, **"Hey babe. You ready to go?"**

"You have no idea. After dealing with that woman for 4 hours, I need a glass of wine, a good meal, and even better company..."

Kate smiled,** "Well I can help you there. I have the wine and the food at your place, waiting for me to cook it, and now, I have you so if you'll come with me, we can get you home and relaxed, ok?"**

Vicky smiled gratefully, **"Thank you, baby. I don't think I've ever been happier to get out of work. I just pray that woman doesn't say anything to my boss about what I 'implied'. I'm sure he wouldn't believe her, but I really just want to forget the whole thing."**

Kate stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Vicky's waist. She leaned forward and kissed Vicky's lips. **"I hope she doesn't get you in trouble either, but right now there's nothing you can do about it so...let's go back to your place and I will make you a very delicious dinner, we will drink some wine and watch High Society while we snuggle on your couch and just forget about her. Deal?"**

**"Deal."** She took Kate's hand and walked out, locking up before they walked to Vicky's car. She looked at Kate, unsure of who was going to drive.** "Um, do you want me to drive?"**she asked.

Kate blushed, **"Um...yeah. It's your car so here."**She handed Vicky the keys. She hadn't thought about who was going to drive because shed forgotten that this wasn't her car. She had fallen into her usual mindset of being, for lack of a better term, 'the guy' and taking the lead. She had to remind herself that she didn't have to do that here...she could let Vicky take the lead and in all reality she should let her because the blonde was more familiar with the city and the streets.

Vicky opened the passenger door for Kate and then went around to get in. She started the car and pulled out into the street, the path home being like second nature to her at this point. **"So, did you enjoy your afternoon out on the town?"**

Kate smiled at Vicky, **"Yes I did. I missed you though, would've been nice to have a tour guide." **Kate slipped her hand over Vicky's thigh and she squeezed gently, **"I had a wickedly delicious fantasy about you while I was in the grocery store...it was hot and, maybe soon...I'll make it a reality if you're willing."**Kate grinned, wondering if Vicky would be open to fulfilling fantasies or not.

Vicky glanced over at her when they came to a red light,** "Do tell..."**

Kate demurred, **"Not yet. It's too good to share right now. But I will, soon."**She wanted to wait for the right moment, she wanted it to be...romantic.

**"Tease,"** Vicky said with a grin and then started down the street again when the light turned green. The drive home took about the same amount of time as usual. The 5 o'clock traffic in Santa Fe unbearable. She didn't understand how a city so small could have such traffic issues, but then again, she figured that things moved slower out west, which led to congestion on the road. When they got to her house, she and Kate went inside and Vicky kicked off her heels, **"So good to be home."**

Kate smiled at Vicky and stepped behind her. She wrapped her arms around her and held her close as she kissed Vicky's neck and murmured, **"I know that feeling. It feels so good to hold you again. I don't ever want to let you go."** Kate squeezed a little tighter,** "But I promised you dinner so I guess I'm going to have to, huh?"**

**"The sooner you finish, the sooner we can spoon on the couch,"** Vicky said, though she too was reluctant for Kate to let her go. She caressed Kate's arm and then said, **"I know what will help. Let's get that wine..."**

Kate didn't let go. She held on and moved her mouth over Vicky's neck, tasting the skin there and she grinned wickedly when she found a spot that could be hidden by a shirt and sucked on it. Kate wanted to brand Vicky as hers. She wanted a physical reminder that this wonderful, beautiful woman was hers...at least for right now.

Vicky moaned and gripped Kate's thighs, squeezing gently, **"Oh Kate...God..."**

Kate rubbed her hands against Vicky's abdomen, she lifted her head just enough to see the mark she'd made on Vicky's skin. She smiled and then licked the mark, soothing it just a little. **"Mine,"**she whispered softly with a little bit of smug pride in her voice.

Vicky felt something warm when she heard the whisper and she leaned her head back against Kate's shoulder, **"Say it again..."**

**"Mine,"** She whispered again, slipping her hands up to cup Vicky's breasts.

**"Is that what you want, Kate? For me to be yours?"** Vicky asked in a husky voice.

**"More than I have ever wanted anything in my life."** She whispered,** "I want to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep with you in my arms every night. I know it might be too soon to be saying this but yeah...I want you to be mine. More importantly though,"** she paused, smiled against Vicky's neck, and kissed her, **"I want to be yours."**

Vicky turned in Kate's arms and gazed into the brunette's gorgeous brown eyes, **"I want you to be mine. I want to do all the things you mentioned and more...I don't want you to go back to New York...at least until I can go with you... I know that's not realistic, but it's what I wish for."**

Kate leaned in and kissed Vicky. She let herself get lost in the kiss because she knew that, as much as they might wish to be together and change their reality, they couldn't. Kate had to go back to New York soon, she had her job, her dad, and her friends. Vicky couldn't up and move either. She had a job and a life here in Santa Fe. Kate liked the idea, though, of Vicky moving to New York because she wanted to have a life with her. Kate pulled away and said, **"Um...does this mean you might...um...consider moving to New York?"** Kate was scared to even ask but she needed to know.

Vicky felt a pang of sadness in her heart. She wanted to tell Kate that New York was her home, that she wanted to go back more than anything, but as long as Cesar Velez was in the picture, she would have to stay put. She could feel tears coming to her eyes, **"Kate, I would move to New York in a heartbeat to be with you, but for right now, I have to stay here...I have some personal issues that I have to work out before I can think of moving, but someday..."**

Kate pushed aside her own feelings of disappointment and smiled at Vicky, **"I can live with someday. As long as you're not opposed to the idea completely and as long as you don't think I'm crazy or something for asking after only knowing each other for two days."**

**"Honey, I want to move to New York, I want to be with you, you can believe that..."** she said with a sweet smile.** "And I don't think you're crazy for wanting this...because I want it too. I know this is going to sound corny, but I feel something with you after two days that I've never felt with anyone else before."**

Kate smiled, she let herself believe in Vicky's words, in her feelings and she stopped fighting her own. She pulled the blonde closer and rested her forehead on Vicky's chest taking a deep breath to prepare herself for what she was about to say. She'd never said the words to anyone who wasn't family. Kate pulled away and looked into Vicky's eyes, placing on her cheek as she said in a low but clear voice, **"I think I'm in love with you. And I know it's too soon and I know it sounds unbelievable but...I do. And I will wait as long as it takes for you to move to New York...or if you want I can move here. I want to be with you. I want us to be together because I truly believe that what we have is real and worth the risk. So...I will wait for you. But tonight, I'm going to make us dinner and we are going to snuggle on the couch and watch a movie and just be together, ok?"** Kate stopped then, hoping she hadn't messed up and scared Vicky away with her very honest admission.

Vicky was crying now. Kate's words had touched her heart and she was glad to know that she wasn't the only one who felt this way. She couldn't explain it, but she knew it was there. That's all that mattered to her. She stroked Kate's hair, **"Ok...but you need to know that I love you too, Kate. I didn't want to scare you away by saying it because I wouldnt be able to stand it if you walked out of my life, but I do. And no matter what, we're going to find a way, Kate, you have to believe me, ok? Tell me you believe me..."**

Kate looked into Vicky's eyes and gently wiped the tears away, **"I believe you. We're going to make this work because we both want it and it was meant to be." **Kate kissed her then, letting all the love she felt spill into it.

Vicky wrapped her arms around Kate and kissed her back with all the fervor and longing that she felt in her soul. It was as though she needed to convey her promise to Kate through this kiss. She needed her to know that no matter what, she'd find a way back to her.

Kate finally, reluctantly pulled away from the kiss and ran a hand through Vicky's hair. **"Now that we've settled that, why don't you go slip into something more comfortable and I'll get dinner started, ok?"**

Vicky smiled and chuckled, **"Ok. Thank you, baby. You make me feel like life is worth living again..."**She realized that she was probably revealing more than she should, but it was true. Kate made her feel alive again and she wanted her to know that. She kissed her one more time and then went to the bedroom to change into her pajamas.

* * *

><p>While Vicky was changing, Kate was putting the finishing touches on dinner. She had decided to make fettuccini in a rich Alfredo sauce with grilled chicken breast. She had just put the garlic bread in the oven when she heard music start to play from the living room. She smiled. Vicky would be walking in soon and Kate glanced at the bottle of wine that sat on the counter. Shed picked a good year and she hoped that Vicky would like it.<p>

Vicky walked in wearing a silk nightie that fell to just above her knees. It was a rich purple with spaghetti straps and the neckline dipped low on her chest. She had on a pair of lace underwear underneath and nothing else. She wanted to look beautiful for Kate and she hoped the brunette would like it. She had put on some light jazz and walked into the kitchen with a smile, **"Hey, smells good in here."**

Kate turned to look at Vicky and her mouth fell open. Kate stared at the blonde in the purple nightie and her mind went blank. **"Um...uh..."**Kate forced herself to turn away and focus on the stove, though dinner was all but done, it just had to be served onto plates. Kate felt her face grow warm and she knew she was blushing.

Vicky walked up behind her and wrapped her arms around Kate's waist, **"Did I make you nervous?"**

Kate took a breath, **"Um...no...not exactly."**Kate really didn't want to explain the reason for her reaction so she just stalled, hoping Vicky wouldn't push.

**"Oh, something else then... I wonder what it could be..."** She ran her hand over Kate's stomach, inching lower and lower until she reached her pants and then she stopped, **"Am I making it worse?"**

Kate closed her eyes and leaned back a bit, **"No... Oh God."** Kate moved her hand to turn off the stove. She slipped on the knob and her hand briefly touched the oven's door handle, the heat bringing her back to her senses, **"But you're not making it easy for me to finish dinner."**

**"Mm-hmm,"** Vicky said, not believing Kate in the least. **"I'll let you finish up then. Do you want me to pour the wine?"**

Kate exhaled as Vicky moved away. **"Um...yeah that would be great, thanks,"**she said distractedly. The reason she was reacting this way was because of the fantasy shed had while shopping at the grocery store earlier. In her mind, shed envisioned Vicky in a dark purple nightie, something that looked almost identical to what she was wearing now, which would be fine except for the fact that Kate wasnt a big believer in coincidences. Seeing Vicky like this was, to say the least, disconcerting for Kate.

While Kate was finishing up the meal, Vicky took a corkscrew from the drawer and opened the bottle of wine easily. She poured equal amounts into two white wine glasses and walked over to hand one to Kate. She brought the glass up to her nose to take in the scent of the wine and exhaled deeply, **"This is an excellent vintage."**

Kate took the wine glass from Vicky and took a sip, **"I'm glad you like it."**The brunette kept her eyes focused on the stove after she set her glass down. She was still trying to get over her little mind-melt over the nightie.

Vicky took a drink as well and then set her glass down. She peeked over Kate's shoulder, **"Is it ready? I'm starving."**

Kate smiled, **"Yeah it's ready. Why don't you go sit down and I'll bring the plates? Maybe you could bring the wine with you?"**

**"You got it."**She picked up both glasses and carried them to the table, setting Kate's down in the chair to her right and the other right in front of her. She sat down and smiled as Kate made her way over. This was exactly what she had always dreamed of when she thought about settling down with someone.

Kate brought the plates over and set them down on the table. Before she sat down, she stepped closer to Vicky and leaned down. She kissed her softly then said, **"I'm sorry about before, in the kitchen...when I shut down like that. I promise you that it wasn't anything you did or said, it...it was my own thing. But I'm past it and maybe we can kind of forget what happened and move on from here?"**Kate hoped Vicky wouldn't hold it against her.

**"Kate, if there's something you need to tell me..."**Vicky started, unsure of what to make about all of this. She wanted to believe that Kate's issues had nothing to do with her, but then again, what if she was just being nice? Vicky had to clear that from her mind. The last thing she wanted to do was start out their relationship being suspicious. If Kate said it wasn't her, then it wasn't.

Kate kneeled down next to Vicky's chair. The uncertainty in her eyes tore at Kate's heart and she decided to come clean. **"Vicky, honey, do you remember in the car when I told you I had a little fantasy moment in the grocery store earlier?"** When Vicky nodded, Kate cleared her throat, **"Um...well...you obviously had a starring role in it and you were wearing something...um...well something very similar to what you're wearing now. Same color, same cut, but...shorter than what you're wearing now. When I saw you in that...I...I had a bit of a mini meltdown. I'm sorry."**

Vicky caressed her cheek, **"Honey, I don't understand. What's wrong with me wearing something like you pictured in your fantasy?"**

Kate leaned into Vicky's hand, **"There's nothing wrong with it. I just wasn't expecting it. It was like you had stepped out of my mind, my fantasy, into real life. It threw me I guess."**

**"Kate, I'm real, this is real...it's all happening. I know it seems like it couldn't be possible, like it's just a dream, but I promise you that you're not going to wake up from this, baby."** She leaned down and kissed Kate on the lips,** "I love you."**

Kate smiled at Vicky, **"I love you too and I know you're real it was just...unexpected that's all. Trust me, its not an unwelcomed sight. You look so sexy and beautiful." **Kate leaned up and kissed Vicky again.

**"I'm glad you think so. I wanted to wear something that would turn you on,"**Vicky said with a grin.

Kate grinned, **"Baby, you could wear a plastic garbage bag and I would still be turned on by you. It's not the clothes that matter...it's you. You're sexy and beautiful and funny and smart and that's why I was drawn to you. It's why I'm still here with you. It's why I fell in love with you. You smile at me and I get turned on. But don't get me wrong...I love this nightie."**

Vicky chuckled, **"I think you'll love it even more later...when it's on my bedroom floor."** She kissed Kate and said, **"Come on, have a seat and let's eat. I can't wait anymore."**

Kate stood up and moved to her chair. She smiled and lifted her wine glass in toast, **"To us." **

Vicky echoed the sentiment,** "To us."** She sipped her wine and then started on dinner, her eyes lighting up when the flavor burst into her mouth,** "Oh my goodness, this is amazing! Promise me you will teach me how to cook like this."**

Kate smiled, happy that Vicky liked the meal.** "I promise baby. I would love to teach you how to cook. Maybe one day, when we're in New York, together I can teach you how to make_ Malukuao_."**Kate knew it wasn't fair to talk about New York but it was something she really wanted. She wanted to live with Vicky in New York and teach her how to cook, spending lazy Sunday mornings in bed, Saturday afternoons in the park, weeknights, when she wasn't chasing down perps and leads, snuggling on her couch with Vicky. Kate wanted all of that and she hoped that one day they would have that together.

**"I can hardly wait for that day,"** Vicky said with a hopeful glint in her eye. She went back to her meal and enjoyed everything about the evening. She used to hate coming home at night to an empty house, cooking dinner just for herself, so this seemed like paradise to her. When she was finished, she looked over at Kate and blushed when she saw that the brunette was still eating. **"I guess I was really hungry."**

Kate smiled when she saw Vicky's empty plate. **"It's the highest compliment a chef can receive when someone cleans their plate. It means the meal was made right. I'm glad you liked it. There's more if you're still hungry."**Kate went back to her food.

**"No, no, I'm full, thank you."** She got up to clear her plate and then asked, **"Do you want more wine?"**

Kate smiled and said,** "No thank you. Let me help you."**Kate stood up and began to take her plate to the kitchen.

Vicky ran a little water into the sink to soak the plates and then looked to Kate, **"We'll do it later. Come on, let's go settle on the couch. I've been waiting all day for this part..."**

Kate stepped forward and placed her hands on either side of the blonde, effectively trapping her between the sink and her body. Kate smiled as she leaned forward and pressed her lips to Vicky's neck. Kate licked and sucked and nipped her way up Vicky's neck to her earlobe. She took the lobe between her lips and let her teeth graze the skin, gently nibbling on it.

**"Or we could do this..."**Vicky said in a whisper. She placed her hands on either side of Kate's waist and caressed her with fanned fingers. Her leg instinctively moved between Kate's legs while her hands slowly made their way to the hem of Kate's shirt. Vicky pulled it up slowly, exposing the tan skin of Kate's taut waist.

Kate moaned a bit and pressed down a bit on the thigh between her legs. Kate whispered in Vicky's ear, **"Why don't we move this to the living room. I would love to lay down with you and snuggle close to you while we watch that movie."**

It took all of Kate's will power to say that when what she really wanted was to skip the movie and go right to bed and lose herself in the magic they always found when they were together. But Kate had been looking forward to snuggling with Vicky and watching a movie. Kate was a romantic and she loved the little things that couples did together that didn't necessarily involve sex.

Vicky nodded and took her hand. They walked into the living room and Vicky said, **"Make yourself comfortable, it'll take me like two minutes to get everything going."**She went to the entertainment center, turned on the DVD player and TV, and found the movie in one of the drawers.

She slipped the movie into the player and turned on the surround sound before joining Kate on the couch. When the menu popped up, she pressed play on the remote and snuggled up with Kate. **"Comfy?"**she asked, settling her backside closer to Kate.

Kate smiled and shifted on the couch, bringing Vicky closer to her as she spooned her on the couch. Kate was thankful that Vicky's sofa was deep, it made it much more comfortable to lie down like this. Kate wrapped one arm around Vicky and used the other one to prop her head up so she could see the TV and reach Vicky's neck. She leaned down and kissed Vicky's neck. **"Mmm I am now. I love holding you like this."**

**"I love it when you do. It makes me feel so safe, Kate,"**Vicky said with a soft voice. Her breathing settled down and she focused on the screen, but she never forgot the warmth surrounding her and the feel of Kate's heartbeat as it pounded against her back.

Kate pulled Vicky closer and smiled, **"I like that I can make you feel safe. I promise you will always be safe with me, I'll protect you from anything and anyone who tries to harm you."**Kate sealed her promise with a kiss on Vicky's neck, hoping the blonde knew that she was being completely serious.

**"It's the time that we're going to be away from each other that worries me,"**Vicky said. She was melancholy despite how comfortable and satisfied she felt with Kate because she knew it was fleeting. If she ever got back to New York, it might be 5 or ten years down the road and she wasn't sure if Kate could wait that long.

Kate heard the sad tone in Vicky's voice and it tugged at her heart. She leaned closer, ignoring the TV for a moment as she rested her chin on Vicky's shoulder, **"I wish we didn't have to be apart, but let's not think about that right now ok? I just want to hold you and, for tonight at least, forget that I'm going to have to leave soon."**Kate rubbed her hand over Vicky's abdomen, tracing small circles on the skin.

**"Kate, I don't want to think about you leaving, I really don't, but it's going to happen, you're going to get on a plane and fly away and it scares me to think that maybe once you're not here, someone else will come into your life that you'll love more and you'll want her instead of me..."**she said, her voice shaky.

Kate felt tears in her eyes when Vicky spoke. She decided this was a conversation best had face to face so she slowly turned Vicky over until she was on her back. Kate stayed on her side and rested her hand on Vicky's cheek, ensuring that she had her full attention before she said, **"Vicky, listen to me. I have never loved anyone the way I love you. I had to come almost all the way across the country to find the one woman I could give my heart to, and you're it. I'm yours Vicky, heart and soul. Nothing and no one will ever change that...ever. I understand that you have issues to sort out here and that once that happens, and you make it out to New York, we'll be together. I can wait for you Vicky, no matter how long it takes because, I love you."**Kate finished with a hopeful smile.

Vicky could feel her heart breaking. Kate had hope, she had faith and it killed Vicky that she had to lie to her about the real circumstances surrounding her inability to move back to New York. She might never be going home and she didn't think it was fair to lead Kate to believe that this was going to happen in a year or two. How could she tell her though? She loved Kate as much as Kate loved her and she couldn't hurt her, she just couldn't.

She searched deep inside and somehow found the strength to smile, **"I love you too, with everything I have inside of me. It's just going to hurt like hell until I'm back in your arms. But we still have time and you're right, we shouldn't waste it thinking about it coming to an end. I'm sorry."**

Kate smiled down at Vicky and leaned closer to kiss her. She deepened the kiss, enjoying the taste of the wine on Vicky's tongue that mingled perfectly with the blonde's natural essence. Kate pulled back and said, **"No apologies, they're not necessary. We're together, here and now, and we'll be together again one day, I know it. So I can wait. Now, let's watch the movie and just relax ok?"**

Vicky nodded and reached up to kiss her one last time before turning her attention and her body toward the TV. She watched the movie intently, laughing and aw-ing at all the right moments. She was so relaxed by the wine that towards the end of the film, she started to drift off. She closed her eyes just to rest and within moments, she was fast asleep.

Kate enjoyed the movie but she enjoyed watching Vicky's reactions more. There was something almost childlike in Vicky's enjoyment of the movie. When the end credits rolled, Kate looked down at Vicky and saw she was fast asleep.

Kate didn't want to wake the blonde up so she carefully lifted herself up and over the back of the sofa onto the floor behind the couch. She gracefully and silently stood up and checked to make sure Vicky was still asleep. Then she quickly and quietly went to Vicky's bedroom and grabbed the comforter off the bed.

She slipped back to the living room and, with the comforter in one hand, she slipped back in behind Vicky on the couch. She spread the comforter over their bodies and slid her arm around the blonde, pulling her closer as she nuzzled Vicky's neck and inhaled the comforting scent there. Kate closed her eyes and let sleep claim her.

* * *

><p>In the middle of the night, the two women were sound asleep when there was a loud pop. Someone's car that was passing on the street outside had backfired, but within an instant, Vicky shot up and got into a defensive crouch on the floor, huddling tight with her hands over her head. <strong>"Not again,"<strong>she said in a panicked voice as she listened carefully for the sound of more gunfire.

Kate was startled out of her sleep by the sudden movement. She sat up and, groggily, reached her hand out to Vicky's shoulder as she asked in a whisper, **"Baby? What is it? What's wrong?"**

Vicky lifted her head and looked around in the dark, her eyes blurry without her glasses. She uncurled and turned to look back at Kate, her face hot with embarrassment, **"Uh, nothing. I fell off the couch, that's all. I think I hit my knee...that's why I said not again...I hurt it really bad the last time I fell out of bed."**

Kate sensed that wasn't the whole story but she decided to let it go. Vicky would tell her when she was ready. For right then, she decided to just be the supportive...she was scared to use the word 'girlfriend' but that's what she thought of herself as.

Kate moved down to the floor and wrapped her arm around Vicky's shoulders, **"Hey, it's ok. Like I said, you're safe here with me baby. I've got you."** Kate paused, **"Now, which knee did you hit? Maybe I can kiss it and make it better?"**Kate smiled, hoping to lighten the mood a bit.

Vicky relaxed and lifted her left knee,** "This one."**She pouted because she did actually hurt it when she hit the ground and knew she'd have a very lovely purple bruise to show for it.

Kate grinned at Vicky's pout and she leaned forward and gently kissed Vicky's left knee. She lightly rested her hand on the knee after that and moved up to kiss Vicky. **"How's that feel?"**

**"Much better."** Then she realized that they were in the living room and she asked, **"Did I fall asleep during the movie?"**

Kate smiled as she remembered how peaceful Vicky looked when she was sleeping. **"Yeah. You looked so peaceful and beautiful asleep so I didn't want to wake you." **

**"Did you make it all the way through? Did you like it?"**she asked, eager to forget her fright.

**"Yes baby. I saw the whole movie and I really liked it...although it reminded me of that other movie I loved, _The Philadelphia Story_. The only difference was the music and the blonde lead." **

**"It was based on that movie, actually. I love Katharine Hepburn, but she just can't compete with Grace in my eyes,"** she said with a grin. She was very alert and happy to be talking about something so light. She looked at the clock and it was 3 am. **"Listen, I think I'm going to make some coffee, do you want some?"**

Kate smiled, **"Decaf? Because caffeine at this time of night isn't going to help me babe."**She was already wide-awake and caffeine now would get her so wired that she wouldn't be able to sleep until the following night. She didn't like that feeling.

**"I can make decaf for you, I think I'm going to have the regular stuff..."** she said and got up off the floor.** "Are you hungry at all? I think I could go for a snack or something..." **

Kate stood up and pulled Vicky closer. She lowered her head to Vicky's neck and began nibbling on the skin there. She worked her way up to the blonde's ear and whispered, **"I'm hungry but not for anything from the kitchen baby. What do you say we skip the coffee and we feed...other appetites?"**

Vicky was pretty wired, even without coffee, but when she stopped to think about it, she realized that what Kate was offering might do her better than making it worse with caffeine and food. She nodded and put her arms around Kate, **"I think I might like that more."**

Kate smiled then began walking towards Vicky's bedroom. She felt Vicky behind her and she took a breath, tonight was going to be wonderful. She turned back towards Vicky and began walking backwards, holding out a hand to the blonde but always, teasingly, staying just outside her reach, wanting to make Vicky chase her a little.

Vicky kept trying to get Kate's hand, but each time, Kate pulled away just enough to elude her grasp. Vicky ran when she saw the bed behind Kate and gently tackled her down, straddling her with a triumphant smile. **"Gotcha,"**she said with a mischievous glint in her eye.

Kate smiled up at Vicky and said,** "Well, you have me...so what _are_ you going to do with me?"**Kate batted her eyelashes, smiling seductively as she ran her hands up and down Vicky's thighs.

**"Things that'll make you scream,"**Vicky said in a husky voice. She started rocking her hips slowly against Kate's abdomen and dove forward, latching onto the soft skin of Kate's neck and sucking hard enough to leave a mark.

Kate felt herself get wet at Vicky's words and when she started sucking on her neck, Kate almost lost it. She did manage to hold on to enough sanity to whisper, **"Oh god...um...oh man...hey Dracula, try not to break the skin ok baby?"**

**"Never,"** Vicky said in a whisper. She nibbled Kate's ear and then nuzzled her. She pulled back to look at the mark she left and smiled, **"Now you're mine..."**

Kate ran her hand up Vicky's back and pulled her closer, **"I've been yours, probably from the moment you gave me the hot chocolate that had more whipped cream. And I will be yours for the rest of my life...if you'll have me that long."**Kate pulled Vicky down for a kiss.

Vicky could hardly believe her ears when Kate mentioned forever, but she believed it with all her heart. She kissed her deeply, her body grinding against Kates, hungry for everything she had to offer. It was like the fear, the agony over what she had gone through in New York was gone and there was only this moment with Kate.

Kate felt a change in Vicky during their kiss. She sensed something had altered for the blonde and she was worried that her talk of forever was going to scare her away. Kate held on tighter, determined to fix whatever she might've messed up with her confession.

Vicky moaned into Kate's mouth when she felt the brunette coming on stronger. Her body went with the pace that Kate was setting, her breathing growing shallow while her heartbeat started to race. She needed Kate deep inside of her. She needed that closeness more than her next breath.

Kate rolled them over and pinned Vicky to the bed. She leaned up, looking into beautiful blue eyes and said, a tremor of fear in her voice, **"I'm sorry if I scared you with my mention of forever, I would never want to pressure you or scare you away, I just want to be with you. I love you, so please, don't turn away from me, from us just yet ok?"**

Vicky looked up and brushed Kate's hair from her eyes, **"I'm not scared, baby. Really, I'm not. I just really need you to make love to me, I need to feel you inside of me."**

Kate smiled then, the fist around her heart easing up as she realized she wasn't going to lose Vicky. She leaned closer and whispered, **"As you wish."**Kate winked and without further delay she made Vicky's heated plea a reality...all night long.

* * *

><p>When they finished making love, Vicky was curled up next to Kate with her head resting on Kate's chest. She was tickling Kate's stomach with her index finger and their scent was thick in the air as she slowly started to drift off to sleep. <strong>"Babe?"<strong>

Kate was being lulled into sleep by the motion of Vicky's finger but she roused herself enough to ask, **"What, honey?"**

**"I love you so much,"**she said softly.

Kate smiled, she started running her hand up and down Vicky's arm as she pulled the hand that was tickling her stomach up to her mouth and pressed a kiss to the palm. **"I love you too baby, so much that I can't even find the words to describe it."**Kate began kissing each of Vicky's fingers one by one.

Vicky smiled and closed her eyes. She was happy, truly happy with this woman and the best thing of all was that she could be openly gay with Kate and it didn't matter. They didn't have to hide. It was the one thing she had always wanted once she came to terms with her sexuality and now she had it. She could only describe the feeling of freedom she felt as pure joy.

Kate held Vicky close and she felt her starting to drift off again, which made Kate smile. Being here, holding Vicky in her arms as they drifted off to sleep together, it felt right to her. It felt like it was meant to be, like they were destined to meet each other. Kate had never had this with anyone else. Her previous relationships and...dalliances were casual and light. On the rare occasions her companion spent the night, Kate usually left early, preferring to avoid the morning after tension by claiming she'd been called in for work. She'd never been with anyone that made her feel like this, she'd never before wanted to spend the whole night in someone's arms like she did with Vicky. Kate knew this was different, this was real and her only prayer was that she didn't mess it up and lose Vicky.

Kate whispered,** "Goodnight baby."**

Vicky had just enough energy to reply back to Kate, **"Good night. Sweet dreams."** Then she slipped back off to sleep, the sun just minutes from rising into the clear New Mexico sky.

TBC...


	7. Last Day in Paradise

**Chapter 7: Last Day in Paradise**

As both women had feared, Kate's time in New Mexico quickly came to a close and they found themselves sharing their last evening together before Kate had to go back to New York. Vicky was sick to her stomach with the thought that in the morning she'd have to drop Kate off at the airport, but she was doing her best to enjoy the time they did have left to the fullest. She was in her pajamas, flitting around the kitchen preparing a meal for Kate.

Kate had been doing the majority of the cooking while she'd been there, so Vicky made her promise that this last night, she was in charge of the meal. A friend of hers from the gallery had agreed to teach her how to make an authentic New Mexican meal and although Vicky's prowess in the kitchen was usually very low, this time, she was handling it like an old pro. She was making enchiladas, posole, and red chili for the main dish, a small salad, and apple empanadas for dessert. Needless to say, the smells from the kitchen were intoxicating.

As per their agreement, Kate was staying out of the kitchen tonight. It wasn't easy but she had agreed, knowing this was important to Vicky. Kate sat on the couch and listened to the soft music coming from the stereo. The aromas that were emanating from the kitchen called out to her, begging her to go in the kitchen but she resisted. This was her last night in New Mexico; her last night with Vicky, and Kate wanted it to be perfect. If that meant staying out of the kitchen so Vicky could cook their meal in peace, she would do it.

Kate wondered how she was going to get on that plane tomorrow and fly away, knowing she was leaving her heart behind. She kept reminding herself that, one day soon Vicky would be with her in New York. She didn't know when it would happen but she was confident that it would happen. She just had to be patient.

When Kate couldn't stand being away from Vicky any longer, she stood up and made for the kitchen. She was about halfway there when she stopped in her tracks. She realized that she was dangerously close to breaking her promise, so she rallied her strength and found a compromise. She closed the rest of the distance and leaned against the doorway, content to just watch the woman she had fallen in love with as she moved about the kitchen. In the silence, Kate tried to memorize every detail about Vicky so that she could think back and remember her when she was back home and missing the warmth of the blonde's arms in the night.

Vicky could feel Kate's presence and she turned around with a grin, **"Couldn't stand it anymore, huh?"**

Kate smiled, **"Nope. Couldn't bear to be away from you. I was in there,"** she gestured to the living room with one hand, the other resting lightly on her belly, **"and I just...I missed you. I had to come look at you. I hope you don't mind being watched."**

**"No, of course not. You can sit in here and keep me company; all I ask is that you keep your hands to yourself. I'm pampering you tonight, remember?"**she said with a smile that lit up her entire face.

Kate smiled, **"Deal."**She walked closer and sat on a nearby chair and just watched Vicky as she cooked.

Vicky was carefully putting the enchiladas together, taking care to smother them just right. She turned back to Kate and said,** "A lot of cheese or just a little?"**

Kate thought for a moment,** "A lot...please."** Kate was in the mood to be bad, in more ways than one. She wanted to make the most of their last night together. **"Something tells me we'll both be needing our strength tonight baby."**

Vicky giggled and put a lot of cheese on top. She then ladled out posole into two bowls and tossed the salad with a special homemade dressing that Vicky had picked up at a small, family-owned restaurant in town. She looked over her shoulder at Kate and said, **"Ok, I am going to need a little help getting all this to the table."**

Kate smiled as she stood up and crossed the floor to Vicky. She leaned close and kissed the blonde. Kate pulled away and said, still smiling,** "As you wish baby."**She shifted then and picked up the two bowls of posole and turned to the table.

Vicky carried the main dishes and set them down before going back to get the salad. A bottle of wine was already on the table waiting to be poured into two white wine glasses. She sat down with Kate and asked,** "Will you do the honors?"**

Kate picked up Vicky's hand and pressed a kiss to the palm. Then she smiled and said, **"Of course."** She picked up the bottle of wine and poured it into the glasses. Kate set the bottle back down on the table before she lifted her wineglass with one hand while the other reclaimed Vicky's free hand. She held the warm hand in hers and looked into Vicky's blue eyes and said, **"To us and our love. And to the day when you move to New York and we can be together forever. I love you baby." **

Vicky smiled, her eyes suddenly glassy with tears, **"I love you too, Kate. I can't wait until our dream comes true."** Their glasses met and then Vicky brought it to her lips, taking a sip. She set it down and looked back at Kate, **"I hope you like this."**

Kate smiled, **"If it tastes half as good as it smells I know I'll love it. Thank you for... for giving me the best two weeks of my life...for loving me."**Kate fell silent as she took her first bite of the enchiladas. She gave a tiny moan when the flavors exploded on her tongue. It was really good and Kate was very impressed.

Vicky watched her and the look on Kate's face said it all. She had succeeded in cooking something delicious, which made her extremely happy. She wanted to show Kate that she was able to learn something new because she didn't want the other woman to think that she'd have to do all the cooking when...if they were living together.

Kate opened her eyes and noticed that Vicky wasn't eating. She swallowed her food and said, **"Um...this is really good, why aren't you eating? Is something wrong?"**

**"I'm just...I don't know, I'm watching you, I guess. I wanted this to be perfect and I guess I'm just savoring this moment of enjoyment."**

Kate smiled, **"Well, the food is perfect, the company is perfect and despite being our last night together, it will continue to be perfect."** Kate took Vicky's hand again and rubbed her thumb over her fingers. She looked at their hands, liking how well they fit together, then looked back up at Vicky. **"Tonight will be perfect because we're together."**Kate brought Vicky's hand to her lips and she kissed her fingers.

Vicky nodded, **"I know...even if I have to let you go tomorrow, at least I know you're out there. I'm not sitting here wondering if I'd ever meet someone who would make me happy the way you do. That in itself makes this a bit more bearable."**She caressed Kate's chin and then worked on her food, wanting to get to dessert so that she and Kate could go sit together in the living room.

Kate frowned as something occurred to her. Vicky was talking as if they were going to cut off all contact. She knew she couldn't let her go on thinking that. **"Vicky, sweetie, you'll have more than just the knowledge that I'm out there. Granted it's not the best solution, but there's e-mail, texting, phone calls, even webcams. We can talk every day. In fact, we're _going_ to talk every day because I don't even want to think about going more than a day without hearing your voice or seeing your face on a webcam. It's not ideal but it's better than nothing. Right?"**Kate suddenly wondered if that was something Vicky would want, to maintain contact. Kate felt something squeeze her heart at the thought that Vicky might not want to deal with the hassle of all of that.

Vicky nodded, but she knew better. The Marshal assigned to her case would never let her stay in contact with Kate, especially once she knew that Kate was from New York. She could maybe sneak in an e-mail here or there if she went to some public cafe, no traceable IP address. But anything after that...it was iffy at best.

Kate smiled, confident that Vicky wouldn't vanish from her life, that they would be able to talk and text and stay in contact. She went back to her meal, taking a sip of wine before taking a bite of her food.

Vicky continued on in silence, the only sound was her fork scraping against the plate. She finished her salad first, then the posole, but she kept her eyes on the plate. She was deep in thought about how she could sneak more than just e-mails to Kate. How she could call her every once in a while just to hear her voice. She knew she'd come up with something eventually.

After dinner, Kate gathered up the dishes and took them into the kitchen. She filled the sink with warm water and put the plates to soak. She took a breath and a moment to calm her nerves. She didn't know why but she had the feeling like there was something more, something that Vicky wasn't telling her.

It scared Kate to think that she might never hear from Vicky again after she left and she felt tears well up in her eyes at the thought of losing Vicky forever. Kate took a few deep breaths, trying to control the tears so they wouldn't fall and her eyes wouldn't get red because she didn't want to worry Vicky or make her feel guilty or anything like that.

She was so focused on trying not to cry that she didn't hear Vicky enter the kitchen.

**"Hey, leave those, I'll do them tomorrow."** She walked up behind her, slipped her arms around her, and whispered,** "I have a surprise for you in the living room."**

Kate put her hands over Vicky's and leaned back. She was glad her voice was steady when she said, **"A surprise? I can't wait. Let's go."**Kate made a move to head to the living room, not looking at Vicky, not trusting her eyes not to give her away.

Vicky followed behind her and said, **"Sit down and close your eyes..."**

Kate sat on the couch and closed her eyes, smiling. She was glad for the moment to close her eyes and get her emotions under control.

Vicky crept over to one of the side tables and opened the drawer, taking a small packaged wrapped in teal paper from inside. She knelt down in front of Kate and took her hand, turning it palm up. She placed the package in her hand and smiled. **"Ok, open."**

Kate opened her eyes and looked at the box in her hand. She didn't know what to say. **"Baby, you didn't have to get me anything. What is it?"**Kate took her eyes off the box and looked at Vicky when she asked the question.

Vicky smiled, **"Open it." **

Kate turned to the box and opened it. The paper fell away to reveal a light blue box. Kate looked at Vicky again then opened the box. Inside was a ring. It looked to be silver but Kate knew it was probably white gold. There were two hearts in diamonds facing each other, leaving the top of the ring open. Kate's mouth hung open. **"Vicky, this is...um...it's very beautiful."**Kate wondered what the ring meant, but was too scared to ask.

Vicky took the ring from the box and then lifted Kate's right hand. She slipped it on her finger and then looked up into her eyes, **"It's a promise ring. I wanted to give it to you as a sign that I'm yours and someday I _will_ find my way back to you."**

This time when the tears came to her eyes, Kate let them fall. She felt the ring on her finger but all she could think was that Vicky really did want to be with her one day. Kate launched herself at Vicky and, wrapping her arms around her neck, she kissed the blonde, letting all her emotions, her love, spill into the kiss. Kate felt Vicky fall backwards onto the couch and she shifted to lie above her. Kate began moving her lips down Vicky's neck.

**"You...are...so...amazing,"** Kate said between kisses. She lifted her head from Vicky's neck to look into the blonde's blue eyes before she continued, **"I don't know what I ever did to deserve someone like you, to deserve your love but I am glad I did it. This trip was only supposed to be about the Loretto Chapel and getting away from my job for two weeks but...then I met you and...everything changed. You showed me what love could be and I know, I know that you and I will be together again in New York. We'll be together and live our lives happy and in love. And I will wait, for as long as it takes for you to come back to me."**Kate leaned down and sealed her promise with a kiss.

Vicky took on Kate's weight. She needed to have the brunette as close to her as possible for as long as possible. Her hands ran over Kate's back, tickling in some spots, rubbing in others, just the way that Kate liked. The kiss was sweet and strong and it made Vicky pulse with desire. She wanted to make love with Kate, but before they did that, she wanted to do something else first. **"Baby, we should go share a hot bath together."**

Kate smiled,** "Oooh...I like the sound of that."** Kate moved to sit up, straddling Vicky's waist and running her hands down from her shoulders, over her breasts and resting on Vicky's abs. She smiled down at the blonde and ran her tongue slowly over her lips,** "Are you ready baby?"**

Vicky nodded, **"You have no idea."** She caressed Kate's breasts in return and bucked her just a little,** "You have to let me up if we're going to do that though."**

Kate ground herself down onto Vicky's hips and smiled seductively, **"Do you really want me to move?"**

Vicky bit back a moan, **"You don't play fair...but then again, neither do I."** She squeezed Kate's ass and looked up into her eyes,** "Wouldn't this feel better with us naked in the warm water?"**

Kate bit her lip. She let out a whimper when Vicky squeezed her ass and she leaned down closer to the gorgeous woman beneath her. She ran her tongue up her neck, tasting the salty tang of sweat on her skin, and smiled at the shiver that passed through the blonde. She hummed against Vicky's neck, making sure to vibrate against her skin, **"Mmmmm, baby you taste so good."**

Vicky swallowed hard, her juices starting to flow, **"I take it we're not moving..."**

Kate smiled, **"Well...we could move but that would mean stopping what I'm doing right now."**Kate moved her hands under Vicky's shirt and lifted it up so she could wrap her lips around Vicky's breast. She teased her nipple with her tongue as one hand reached for the other breast and cupped it, running her thumb over the nipple to tease it to life.

**"Y-yes, I realize that...but...wouldn't you, oh God...um, wouldn't you rather be somewhere a bit more...comfortable?"**

Kate lifted her head and smiled, **"Hmmm... Well when you put it that way..."** Kate moved her mouth to the other breast and licked the nipple and grazed her teeth against it,** "I guess we can move to another venue if you really want to."**Kate's lips drifted down Vicky's torso, nibbling the skin along the way.

Vicky was growing wet and she realized that she was quickly losing this battle. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, her legs falling open in anticipation of Kate's attentions.

Kate felt a tiny sense of victory when Vicky's legs parted and she gave in to her. Kate smiled, she liked winning, but she also liked the thought of making Vicky cry out her name in the tub. It was something they hadn't done yet and Kate suddenly wanted to feel Vicky's wet naked body against hers. She leaned up and looked at Vicky. **"On second thought, a bath together sounds really good. Come on."** Kate slowly stood up and reached a hand down to Vicky, **"Let's get naked and wet baby."**

Vicky opened her eyes and watched Kate in shock. The brunette had given in just when Vicky was ready to surrender. The blonde took Kate's hand and stood, her body weak from desire. She leaned on the brunette and said, **"I'm already one of those things..."**

Kate grinned, **"Oh yeah? Let's see what we can do about getting you naked."** Kate pulled her closer and ran her hands under Vicky's shirt. She began lifting it up and swiftly took it off, smiling at the sight before her. Vicky wasn't wearing a bra and Kate leaned forward and pressed a kiss between the blondes pale breasts. She slipped her tongue out and licked the skin, pulling back after a moment to look up at Vicky,** "You and me in your bathtub with the warm water surrounding us as we make love...sounds like a great way to make tonight perfect." **

Vicky grinned, a little smug, **"I'm glad you see it my way..."**She took Kate's hand and led her to the bathroom. There were candles already lit and all that had to be done was fill the tub and get Kate out of her clothes. She went over and turned on the water, dropping a container of fresh rose petals into the tub.

Then she went back and started kissing Kate again while she took off the brunette's pants.

Kate let herself be undressed, enjoying the attention. She closed her eyes as her clothes seemed to melt away. Kate ran her hands over Vicky's waist, she quickly removed the blonde's pants and before she knew it they were both naked and pressed together, kissing like neither one of them would ever be able to get enough of the other.

Vicky slowly led Kate to the tub while they kissed and stopped when she felt the lip of the footed tub against her leg. She pulled back and then stepped in first, the warm water enveloping both legs up to her knees, she helped Kate in and stared deep into her eyes, **"I need you so much."**Her hand ran down over Kate's body, from her shoulder, over her breast, down her stomach and then between the brunette's legs. She was already warm and Vicky couldn't hold back any longer. She needed to be inside of her, making her feel loved and wanted.

Kate whimpered at the blonde's touch and whispered, **"You have me. Forever."**Kate surrendered to Vicky's touch and felt her knees buckle. They sank into the water, smiling.

They made love there in the warm water and then took a shower together before retiring to Vickys bedroom and falling asleep holding each other tight.

* * *

><p>The following morning, Kate woke up with Vicky's arms around her, her body pressed close behind her and a feeling of dread in her belly. That afternoon, Kate was going to be getting on a plane and flying back to New York. She would have to leave Vicky behind and fly away from her and Kate didn't know if she was strong enough to do that. She didn't want to wake up tomorrow without the blonde's arms around her but she knew that she didn't have much of a choice.<p>

Reality was calling, her time in paradise with the woman she had fallen in love with was over and now she had to go back to her life. Back to the precinct, the murder cases, the investigations...and the lonely nights. They would be worse now that she knew exactly what and who she was missing.

Kate closed her eyes and snuggled closer to Vicky, wanting to block out the truth for a little while longer, to ignore the fact that this was her last morning with her lover.

Vicky was in the middle of a dream when she felt Kate move and she opened her eyes just a little. **"Babe, are you ok?"**

Kate sighed and whispered, **"Yeah, I'm fine. Go back to sleep baby."**She didn't want to burden Vicky with her depression.

Vicky rubbed Kate's tummy, **"You don't sound fine. Talk to me."**

Kate closed her eyes, **"It's nothing."**Kate put her hand over Vicky's and traced small circles on her skin.

**"You're thinking about leaving..."**Vicky said with a deep sigh. She had thought about it all night until she literally couldn't stay awake anymore. Now it was Kate's turn and it hurt Vicky to think that her girlfriend was in pain.

Kate sighed, she kept her back to Vicky and said, **"Yeah...I am. Can't help it."**Kate felt tears in her eyes and she decided to let them fall. She didn't have the strength to hold them back anymore.

Vicky could hear Kate's quiet sob and it proved too much for her. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks and splashed on the bare skin of Kate's back. **"I don't want you to go, Kate..."**

Kate felt the tears falling on her back and she finally couldnt take it anymore and turned to face Vicky. She looked into her eyes and said, **"I don't want to leave. I wish I could stay here with you, just quit my job and stay here and build a life with you but...I can't. Vicky, I love you and I want to spend my life with you but I can't just abandon my life in New York. It's killing me to think about going back to what my life was like before you. It was lonely then but I could manage. Now, after knowing how great it can be with you, it's going to be so much worse."**Kate stopped talking as the tears became too much and she buried her face against Vicky's neck, crying for them and what they should have but couldnt yet.

Vicky cradled her, stroking her back, but her own tears were making it hard for her to stay still. She needed Kate and she didn't like the idea of going back to this life without her either. She couldn't bear the idea of coming home to an empty house, falling asleep alone, cooking for one. It hurt her heart too much that she thought it was going to break in two. She lifted Kate's chin and through the tears, she kissed her deeply, her need so great.

Kate gave herself over to the kiss. Needing to show Vicky that she loved her. Kate ran her hands gently over Vicky's skin, tracing the path from her thigh up over her hip to her ribcage, stopping only when she reached a firm breast and she cupped it. Kate shifted until Vicky was on her back and she was hovering above her. Kate lifted her head and smiled through her tears. She thumbed the nipple in her hand and said, **"You and me, we're forever. No matter how far apart we are, we're forever. This is real between us and I know, _I know_ that we're going to spend the rest of our lives together. We just have to get past this little obstacle. Once you sort out what you need to here and make the move to New York, we will be together. Until then, just know that I love you and I will wait as long as I have to."**Kate then leaned down and began kissing Vicky's neck.

**"I love you too,"**Vicky said, her hands raking through Kate's hair. She knew that whatever obstacles were in their way, their love was stronger. There wasn't an ounce of doubt about that anymore and it gave her the confidence that someday she would get back to her, Witness Protection be damned. For now, she wanted to just make the most of the time they had before she had to drive her to Albuquerque. She wanted to memorize everything about Kate that she hadn't already committed to memory so that when she was alone, she could call it back with total clarity.

Before Kate could really get lost in Vicky, her cell phone rang. The ring tone was familiar and she sighed as she stopped and placed her forehead on Vicky's left shoulder. **"Dammit,"** she whispered. She lifted herself up and said, **"I'm sorry baby but I have to take this."** Kate kissed Vicky lightly before she left the bed and went over to the dresser where her cell phone was charging. Sighing she picked up the phone and hit the green button, **"Hello Lanie...actually you are...no comment...no... Why'd you call Lanie...?"** Kate sighed and brought her free hand up and pinched the bridge of her nose, **"Yeah...no yeah I got it...yeah thanks for the heads up...ok...yeah um...if I remember right it's 10:30 pm... yeah...thanks again Lanie. Ok, I'll see you tonight...bye."** Kate ended the call and she put the phone back down. She turned to face Vicky with a wry grin.** "Sorry about that."**

**"Something important?"**she asked, turning onto her side. She was curious to know who that was on the phone, but also, she didn't want to pry. If Kate wanted to tell her, she'd tell her.

Kate looked down, **"Um...kind of. That was Lanie, she was calling to tell me she would be picking me up from the airport tonight."**Kate didn't know how to tell Vicky that her best friend was also calling to tell her that she was on the prosecutions witness list for one of her closed cases and she was expected in court the day after tomorrow. Kate hated testifying, she hated courtrooms, she especially hated lawyers and their readiness to accept plea deals that let murderers walk free after only a few years in jail rather than taking them to court so that they would get the life sentences they deserved. Vicky didn't know she was a cop and Kate wanted to keep it that way.

**Oh, I see,"** Vicky replied. She had no reason to think it was anything other than a reminder call, so she just dropped it.** "Do you want to come back to bed?"**

Kate smiled, letting go of the reminder about court and walked over to the bed. She held her hand out and said,** "Actually, I was hoping we could take a shower, together, and then I could make us some _Malukuao_ for breakfast. As much as I would love to spend my last few hours here with you in bed, I think it might be easier on both of us if we did some normal stuff, you know?"**

Vicky nodded, **"Yeah, otherwise we might not want to get up and you'd miss your flight...oh wait, that actually sounds like a good idea..."** She grinned at the brunette like a little kid hoping to get her way but she knew better. She chuckled sadly, **"Just kidding."** She tossed back the covers and got up, walking over to Kate to kiss her before taking her hand, **"Come on."**

Kate grinned as she followed Vicky. She was really tempted to give in to Vicky's suggestion but she knew that if she did, it would be even harder to say goodbye to her later. Kate pulled Vicky back after she turned on the shower and wrapped her hands around the blonde's naked body. She kissed her neck and said, **"I love you. And I love watching you move, especially when youre naked. You're so sexy and beautiful."** Kate lifted her right hand and quickly found the small bit of raised flesh near Vickys collarbone. That scar was the only blemish on otherwise perfect skin but even that tiny imperfection couldn't detract from the beauty of the blonde. **"And not even this can change that."**Kate slowly turned Vicky around and lowered her head to the mark. She lightly ran her tongue over the scar and then kissed it.

Vicky closed her eyes. She hated that scar, hated what it represented, but mostly she hated lying to Kate about it. She wanted to tell her, wanted to ask her to stop, to stop touching it, but she couldn't. Instead she lifted Kate's chin and said, **"Kiss my lips..."**

Kate lifted her head and smiled as she leaned closer and kissed Vicky's lips. She let herself get lost in the kiss, her hands resting lightly on the small of Vicky's back, just above the swell of her ass.

Vicky lightly scratched her nails over Kate's back as they kissed. She pressed her breasts against Kate's and rubbed lightly, loving the feel of Kate's fuller breasts against hers.

Kate savored the contact of skin on skin for a few more seconds before she pulled away. **"Baby, the water's going to get cold."**Kate tugged Vicky towards the shower. She stepped in and waited for Vicky to join her. The water was just right, not too hot but just hot enough to cause steam to fill the room. Kate pulled Vicky closer and began to kiss and nibble her neck while her hands ran down her sides and caressed her thighs.

**"Kate, baby...please, make love to me one more time...please,"**Vicky begged. Her voice was deep and throaty and her body was on fire, aching for Kate's amazing touch.

Kate lifted her head and let loose a feral smile, **"Oh don't worry baby I fully intend to make you scream for me at least two more times. But since I've always wanted to make love under a waterfall, and there's no falls around here, the shower will have to do. So just relax and let me show you how much I love you."**With that, Kate maneuvered the both of them under the stream of eater and lowered herself to her knees. She grinned up at Vicky as her hands slid up pale, silky thighs and she gently parted Vicky's legs. Kate leaned forward and reached her tongue out to taste her girlfriend.

Vicky let out a long, deep moan, her lips curling into a smile while the water cascaded down her face and breasts. She leaned back against the wall, lifting one leg to rest on the shower's ledge. That gave Kate better access to her core, which was dripping with her arousal. **"Oh baby, yes, more..."**

Kate smiled when Vicky moved and shifted a bit to get a little more comfortable. Kate leaned closer and higher and, with her hands holding Vicky's thighs, she wrapped her lips around Vicky's clit and sucked on it. Kate let out her own moan when she felt Vicky's thighs trembling beneath her hands and she felt her own wetness grow.

Vicky scratched at Kate's scalp as her hips started to rock back and forth. Her clit was so stiff and it was pulsing steadily while Kate's tongue worked it. Kate slid her right hand down Vicky's thigh and then swept it up the inside of her leg. She began to stroke Vicky's pussy, gathering the wetness there that had nothing to do with the water raining down on them and she grinned at the knowledge that she caused it. Kate flicked Vicky's clit with her tongue, lightening up on the suction as she slowly slid two fingers into Vicky's core, pausing a moment to let the blonde adjust to the penetration. Kate began a slow in and out motion, curling her fingers as she pushed in.

**"Kate!"**Vicky exclaimed when she felt the brunette enter her. The muscles around Kate's fingers tightened and her hips rocked harder now. She brought her hands up and cupped her own breasts, kneading the soft flesh in time with Kate's strokes. She wanted to touch the brunette so badly, but her turn would come soon, especially if Kate kept things up the way she was going.

Kate picked up her pace when she heard her name fall from Vicky's lips. When she looked up and saw the blonde's hands on her breasts, she grew even wetter and her desire doubled. Kate slid her left hand to the back of Vicky's thigh and up to her ass. Kate used her new grip to pull Vicky closer to her, unable to get enough of Vicky.

Vicky was already weak in the knees, but when Kate pulled her forward and her fingers went deeper, she knew that she was going to come hard and fast. It was like Kate knew exactly how to read her and deliver just what she needed. Her pussy was quivering as each stroke brought her closer and closer until she finally exploded. She screamed out Kate's name and moaned, shaking from head to toe. The waves washed over her for several moments, but when it all died down and she could speak again, she said, **"I love you."**

Kate felt Vicky come undone and she loved the sensation of it. She kept her fingers inside of her as Vicky rode out her orgasm and she gently brought her back to reality. She looked up when Vicky finally spoke and smiled, her lips and chin coated with the blonde's juices and she licked them up quickly before she smiled and said, **"I love you too baby, so much."**Kate slowly pulled her fingers out and she brought them to her lips. She kept eye contact with Vicky as she licked her fingers clean, making sure to keep them out of the shower's spray.

Vicky could feel herself shaking and the sight of Kate licking her fingers made her pulse again hard. A moan escaped her lips and her normally pale skin was a pink hue. **"I need you, now..."**She traded places with Kate and pushed her backwards until she was up against the wall of the shower. Without warning, her hand slipped between Kate's legs and she kissed her deep and hard as she started to stroke her.

The sudden reversal of positions coupled with Vicky's actions made Kate's head spin. She knew she was wet and ready and it wouldn't take much at this point to make her come. Kate closed her eyes and surrendered to the kiss and to Vicky's hand.

Vicky massaged, tugged and tickled Kate's clit while her tongue caressed Kate's, inviting the brunette into her mouth.

Kate slid her leg up and rested it on the edge of the tub, giving Vicky more access as she slid her tongue against Vicky's, losing herself in the kiss. Vicky's fingers were quickly getting coated and she figured Kate was ready to have her inside. She moved between Kate's pussy lips and found her entrance easily. She slipped two fingers in and started pumping in and out with ease.

Kate gasped at the sensation of Vicky's fingers inside of her and she began to move her hips in time with Vicky's thrusts. Kate felt her orgasm building rapidly and she gripped Vicky's shoulders to brace herself as she started to lose control. A few more thrusts and Kate broke their kiss to rest her head on Vicky's shoulder. She was gasping into Vicky's ear, the blonde's name coming out in fast bursts. When her orgasm finally hit her, Kate couldn't stop herself from biting down on Vicky's shoulder.

Vicky grunted when she felt Kate's teeth on her skin and slowed her fingers, drawing out Kate's orgasm for many more seconds until the muscles stopped pulsing.

Kate slowly came back down from her orgasm and she lifted her mouth from Vicky's shoulder. She looked at the indentation of her teeth against the light skin and she started to feel sick, unable to believe she had done that. Kate swallowed hard and turned her head away from the sight. She lifted her hand and rested it on Vicky's shoulder as she looked into the blonde's eyes, her voice thready and a little weak, but also sad and regretful, **"I'm so sorry baby, I...I would never hurt you...I don't know what happened."**Kate was close to tears by this point.

Vicky brought Kate close and held her as the water stung the bite. **"It's ok, you didn't know what you were doing..."**She had never known Kate to be violent, so she realized that it must've been the loss of her senses during her orgasm that led her to do it.

Kate shook her head, **"No, no it's not ok. I hurt you, I...I almost made you bleed...I'm sorry baby."**Kate couldn't look at the mark again and she was barely hanging on to her own control. Vicky was being too nice about it. Kate flashed back to Amber, the first woman she was sexually involved with before she became a cop, and she remembered the pain she endured in that relationship. Her first girlfriend had a mean streak and, well...biting was the nicest thing she had done to Kate. Luckily, Kate's best friend Lanie had seen the bruises and she had helped Kate get away from Amber.

Kate had vowed to never be in a violent relationship again, regardless of who was dishing out the pain. Kate pulled away from Vicky and stepped out of the shower. She needed some space so she left the bathroom and sat on the corner of the bed, wrapping her arms around her midsection as if she was trying to hold in the pain. Kate felt the tears well up and they fell silently and rapidly. She let herself cry and began rocking back and forth as the memories and the recriminations flooded her mind.

Vicky came running into the room, a towel wrapped around her and a fresh one in her hand for Kate. She approached the brunette slowly and spoke in a quiet, soothing voice,** "Kate?"** She wrapped the towel around her carefully, **"You must be cold. Are you ok?"**

Vicky's voice cut through the fog that had invaded Kate's mind and she slowly looked up at her lover. The blue eyes, the concern in them, pushed through the memories and the fear she was experiencing and Kate whispered, **"Vicky?"** Kate finally noticed where she was and she pulled the towel closer around her. She broke free from her daze and managed to smile up at Vicky, **"Um...yeah, I'm ok now. Sorry about before. Are you all right? Your shoulder..."**Kate's voice drifted off, not able to say what she had done to her girlfriend.

**"It's ok. It's just a little mark, see?"** She showed her shoulder to Kate and there was only a crescent shaped red mark that would fade in a couple of days. She knelt down and touched Kate's knee,** "What happened in there, Kate? Why did you run out like that?"**

Kate shook her head as she stared at the mark. It wasn't as bad now as it was before, it looked harmless now. Kate slowly lifted her hand up and brought it up to Vicky's shoulder but before she could make contact, she stopped herself, her fingers were less than an inch from the mark. She hovered over the mark and she noticed her hand was shaking. Kate pulled her hand back and rested it on her own knee. **"I...I can't believe I did that. That's...that's not...I'm sorry baby."**Kate couldn't wrap her mind around what she had done. It was unreal to her.

**"You were coming, Kate. No one thinks clearly when they're having an orgasm. I know you didn't mean it,"** Vicky said and then sat down next to Kate. **"Why is this bothering you so much?"**

Kate took a breath and just said, **"Amber."**She stood up and adjusted the towel to cover herself better before she walked to the dresser and rested her hands on the top of it, her fingers tracing the patterns in the wood. She knew she would have to tell Vicky about Amber in order to explain why she had freaked out but she didn't know if she was strong enough. Kate's mind brought up an image of the bite mark then and she admitted that, strong enough or not, she didn't have a choice now.

**"Who's Amber?"**Vicky asked, watching Kate carefully from her place on the bed.

Kate took a deep breath. She had anticipated the question and now she had to answer it. She spoke, low but steady, **"She was...my first girlfriend. We met during college, before I knew who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. She was the first girl I'd ever liked...as more than just a friend and I...I got lost in the relationship. She was nice, sweet and kind...at first, but then, after a few weeks, she changed. She started becoming angrier and she started drinking and she...she was violent sometimes. She...did things...to me and I...let her."** Kate paused to take a breath as the old, familiar feelings began rising up again. Feelings she'd buried a long time ago but had never really resolved. Kate's head lowered, she stared at a line of grain in the wood and let her mind travel back to her time with Amber.** "She always used to tell me it was my fault. That I made her act like that...she convinced me that I was nothing. She would hit me, yell at me over the littlest things, and she bit me...a lot, and almost always during sex. She left bite marks, breaking the skin more often than not, while she came in my hand."**Kate stopped talking then as she realized she'd done to Vicky what Amber had done to her. Kate felt the bile rise again and this time she didn't fight it. She ran to the toilet and emptied her stomach of the remains of last night's dinner.'

Vicky ran to the bathroom and when she found Kate kneeling, she went over and rubbed her back,** "It's ok, baby. I'm here, I'm not going to leave you."**She didn't know what to do to make things better for Kate, so she just tried her best to comfort her.

When Kate had nothing left to throw up, she leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes as she caught her breath. She looked at Vicky and saw the concern in her eyes, feeling even more guilt. Here she had hurt the blonde, marked her in a way that wasn't sensual but violent, and she was sitting there, comforting her as she threw up. Kate didn't know why Vicky hadn't run away yet but she was glad she hadn't. **"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to lose control like that...or like I did in the shower. I never meant to hurt you Vicky."**Kate closed her eyes.

**"Honey, I told you, I know that. You would never knowingly hurt me and I know that you feel bad for doing it, but you really don't have to. I'm going to be just fine, baby, ok?"**She smiled and stroked Kate's hair.

Vicky's gentle touch and her words broke through the final wall and Kate nodded, feeling herself letting go of her fear. She would always have issues about this but she let it go for now. When she got back to New York and she was with Lanie telling her about her vacation and Vicky, her best friend would work her magic and she would finish putting the pieces back together. She would remind her that Amber would never hurt her again and Kate would be fine again. Right now, she needed to be in Vicky's arms. Kate reached out and pulled Vicky closer and hugged her, sighing,** "Thank you."**

Vicky held her close and rubbed her back, **"You don't have to thank me, Kate. I love you and one little accident isn't going to change that. You are not a violent person, I know that in my heart, and if you had known, you wouldn't have done it."**

Kate rested her head on the unmarked shoulder and let herself relax into Vicky's touch. She mumbled, **"I love you,"**over and over again, like a mantra.

Vicky could tell that this had shaken Kate to the core, but she meant what she said: it didn't change anything. She loved her and she'd help her though this no matter what it took. **"That's right baby. I love you too, so much."**

Kate opened her mouth to say something when her cell phone beeped a text. Kate jumped a little at the sound. She hadn't been expecting it. Kate looked into Vicky's eyes and she smiled, **"I don't deserve you...but I'm glad I have you."**Kate leaned forward and kissed Vicky lightly.

**"You need to give yourself more credit, baby,"** she said with a genuine smile and then helped Kate to her feet. **"Do you want to check your phone?"**

Kate nodded as she stood, **"Yeah I think I should, it might be important."** Kate walked over to her cell phone and picked it up. She checked the text message and frowned, it was an automatic alert from the airline telling her that her flight was on time and scheduled to depart at 3 pm. Kate checked the clock on her phone and saw that it was 11 oclock. She turned to Vicky and held up the phone as she said,** "The airport, an alert about my flight."** Kate held out her free hand and said, **"Come here."**

Vicky went to her and took her hand, her blue eyes clouded with tears.

Kate pulled her close and wrapped her arms around her waist. She touched her forehead to Vicky's and smiled before pulling back to look at the blonde, **"We have about three hours until I have to be at the airport. How about we go out for breakfast and take a walk in the sunshine?"**Kate needed to get out and get some air before she got on that plane or else she'd end up taking the negative feelings that arose from the bite with her on the plane and she didnt want that.

Vicky nodded, **"We can do that. Come on, let's go get dressed."**She led Kate back into the other room and helped her dress, knowing that the brunette needed a little looking after given the morning's events. Once they were ready, Vicky grabbed her keys and walked out of the house with Kate, opening the door of the car for her.

Kate stepped into Vicky's car and settled back into the seat. She fastened her seat belt and waited as Vicky walked around to the other side. Kate smiled at Vicky, determined to keep the mood light and upbeat. **"So, where are we going for breakfast?"**

**"I was thinking we could drive to Albuquerque and get something there, if you don't mind waiting 45 minutes..."**Vicky said and started the car.

Kate smiled, thankful they had thought to load her luggage into the trunk yesterday, **"That sounds fine to me."**Kate reached over and held Vicky's hand.

Vicky squeezed her hand and then pulled out of the garage and onto the street. She headed in the direction of the interstate on-ramp and made the 45-minute drive to Albuquerque. When they got into the city, Vicky pulled off onto a side street and found a little place that she liked to go for breakfast. She pulled into the lot, turned off the car, and then got out. She walked around to open Kate's door and smiled, **"I hope you like this place, they have the best breakfast in the whole city."**

Kate smiled as she got out of the car, keeping hold of Vicky's hand. She loved being able to be open with Vicky, not having to hide the way she usually did back home. As she sat down in the booth that Vicky led her to, she smiled and decided right then that when Vicky moved to New York and they were finally together, she wasn't going to hide it, at least not from her friends, Lanie, Ryan, and Esposito.

Kate picked up the menu and skimmed it, quickly picking what she wanted, then she slipped out of the ballet flats she was wearing and she slid her foot slowly up Vicky's leg, thankful the blonde had chosen to wear a skirt today. Kate kept her eyes glued to menu, not really reading it as she let her foot graze Vicky's leg.

Vicky peeked over the menu and raised an eyebrow,** "Frisky?"**

Kate called forth all her training as a cop and her poker face and she glanced up at Vicky and with a blank face she asked, **"What do you mean?"**

**"Are you telling me that's not your foot creeping up my leg? Cause if it isn't, we might have to make a call to the health department..."**

Kate raised her eyebrows and leaned down, glancing under the table where she saw her foot touching Vicky's leg. Keeping up the act she said,** "Huh, look at that...I guess it is my foot."** Kate sat up again and looked at Vicky, **"Do you want me to move it?" **

Vicky shook her head,** "No, well, unless you plan to move it higher..."**

Kate looked around the crowded restaurant and grinned, **"Well, I would if we weren't in such a public place. I mean there's a difference between playful fun and lewd public behavior, right?"**Kate's voice was half serious, half playful because she really wanted to move her foot higher. She had a vision of Vicky sitting there fighting her arousal as Kate's toes teased her and brought her to orgasm in a public place but as a cop, she knew that it wasn't worth the trouble they could get into if they were noticed and arrested. So she slowly lowered her foot, resting her toes on top of Vicky's toes.

Vicky grinned,** "Chicken."**Then she went back to reading the menu, though she already knew what she was going to order, she just wanted to tease Kate a little.

Kate had a brief 'Marty McFly' moment but let it pass. She grinned, **"Thats not going to work baby. I am not about to do something that could get me arrested and make me miss my flight, not to mention the embarrassment of the arrest, just because you call me chicken."**Kate grinned as she looked up.

Vicky just chuckled to herself and then set down the menu. **"Somehow I think it'd be worth it. Besides, there are plenty of loopholes to get around it."**

Kate's eyes glowed with something almost devilish as she said,** "Trust me, there aren't any loopholes for what I would do to you if there were a few less people in this restaurant."**Kate was picturing being under the table with Vicky's legs spread and her panties around her ankles as she buried her face in Vicky's folds and used her tongue to make the blonde come.

**"Ooh, that sounds dangerous and a little kinky. Better keep things on the up and up in that case,"**Vicky said with a grin.

Kate just nodded and went back to her menu. The waitress came over then to take their drink orders. Both women ordered coffee and water. The waitress nodded and within a couple of minutes returned. She set down two cups and two glasses of water and poured the coffee for Kate and Alex.

**Do you need a little more time to decide?**she asked politely.

Vicky nodded and the young woman returned to her work.

Kate was about to say something when a text came through her cell. She checked it and saw it was from Lanie:

**_[Can't wait to see u girl! Missed u! Have a safe flight & I'll see u at Kennedy tonight!] _**

Kate just grinned and put the phone away, deciding to reply later.

**"Lanie?"**Vicky asked and set down her menu.

Kate looked at Vicky,** "Um...yeah."**

Vicky chuckled, **"She's like a big sister making sure you're doing ok...I hope she likes me when she meets me."**

Kate smiled,** "Yeah she kind of is."** Kate looked out the window for a moment then turned to Vicky, **"And I know she'll love you."**

**"You sure? She's not going to make me answer 20 questions or submit DNA or run a background check, right?"**

Kate chuckled, **"She might. But I won't let her. Don't worry baby, she'll love you because I love you and you make me happy."**Kate knew that Lanie would be cautious until Vicky proved herself to the overprotective woman, but she was confident that Vicky would pass inspection.

Vicky nodded and then the waitress came back to take their orders. Once she had them down, she disappeared again. **"I was thinking that maybe we could go to the park and walk before we go to the airport. You mentioned that you wanted to be out in the sunshine."**

Kate grinned as she leaned forward on the table, **"I'd like that. Thank you."**

**"There's a place near here, very quiet, very green..."** She sipped her water and looked at Kate with sad eyes,** "Seems like a dream, doesn't it?"**

Kate looked at Vicky then and saw the sadness in her eyes. She felt it too but knew there wasn't a way around it. **"In some ways it does. I never expected to meet someone on this trip; I never expected to fall in love. This has been the best two weeks of my adult life and now I have to go home...alone. But I know this is real. I know we're meant to be so I know that I can wait for you."** Kate reached over and grabbed Vicky's hand, lightly brushing her thumb over the blondes knuckles.** "I have no regrets about these two weeks... Well that's not true. I do regret what happened this morning in the shower when I..."** Kate broke off not able to verbalize what she'd done. **"But other than that, no regrets. I just wish I didn't have to leave you."**

**"Same here, Kate. But it won't be long before we're together. I don't know why, but I feel it in my heart. I know that you're the one for me and that gives me hope."**

Kate smiled, **"We're going to be together Vicky and once we are, nothing is going separate us again."**Kate brought Vicky's hand closer and she kissed it.

A few minutes later the waitress brought their food and Vicky smiled, **"Mmm, this looks so good."**She picked up her fork and started eating and though it was good, it was nothing compared to Kate's breakfast.

Kate looked at her short stack of chocolate chip pancakes topped with whipped cream and sliced strawberries and smiled. She took a bite and almost moaned at the way the flavors mixed on her tongue.

Kate looked up at Vicky and got an idea. She speared a strawberry with her fork and made sure to dip it into the chocolate sauce she'd asked for on the side and then scooped up some whipped cream and held it out in front of the blonde. **"Want to have a taste, baby?"**

Vicky nodded and opened her mouth. It looked great on the fork, but she was sure that it would taste even better.

Kate watched as Vicky's lips closed around the fork and she found herself wishing they were alone...Kate was getting jealous of a fork! Kate pulled the fork back, watching almost mesmerized as it slid out of Vicky's mouth, those talented lips sliding against the metal. Kate swallowed hard, forcing her sudden arousal down.

Vicky closed her eyes and moaned. Kate was right: it did taste amazing. The flavors blended and she swallowed it down. She wished that they were back at her house sharing this, preferably naked, with a glass of champagne.

Kate focused on her food. Vicky's little moan was threatening to send her under the table and public lewdness charges be damned. **"I wish I'd gotten what you did. Do you want to try mine?"**

Kate looked at Vicky's meal and she smiled as she leaned forward, **"That looks really yummy."** Kate opened her mouth, waiting for Vicky to give her a scooped a little of everything, egg, hash browns, red chili, and cheese, onto the fork and carefully fed it to Kate, grinning. She pulled the fork away slowly and lifted an eyebrow, **"Good?" **

Kate swallowed the food and smiled, **"It's very good, but the chili is a bit much for breakfast, for me anyway. I think I'll stick with my pancakes, but thank you for the taste."**

**"You're welcome,"** she said and took another bite. When she swallowed, she continued,** "You get used to it when you live here. I wasn't a big fan when I first moved, but now, I can't get enough."**

Kate thought about that and nodded, **"Yeah that makes sense. I wish I could've stayed here long enough to learn to like it too." **

**"I'll start making it more often when we have our place together,"**she said, her eyes twinkling with the idea.

Kate grinned,** "I like the sound of that."**She liked hearing that she wasn't the only one having mini fantasies about her and Vicky living together in New York, happy and in love.

**"Would you be opposed to moving to Chelsea when we get our place?"**

Kate leaned back and said with a smile, **"Baby, I'd live anywhere if it meant I was with you."**She knew that Chelsea might mean a bit of a commute to the precinct, but it would be worth it if she had Vicky with her.

Vicky smiled. Though she had always lived on the Upper East Side, she'd longed to move to Chelsea someday and buy a cute little loft. It was a very gay friendly area and she felt it would be perfect for her and Kate.

Kate enjoyed hearing Vicky making plans. She liked knowing that Vicky wanted this too, but it was more than that. Over the past two weeks, whenever Kate mentioned them living together in New York and that she'd wait as long as she had to, Vicky would either change the subject or start almost warning her that it would be a long time before she could move to New York. It gave Kate the impression that Vicky didn't really want to be with her after she left. But now, hearing Vicky making plans, it gave Kate hope.

Vicky finished up her meal and checked her watch to make sure they still had plenty of time for their walk. When the waitress brought the check, she snatched it up before Kate could get to it and handed the girl the money to cover the bill, plus the tip.

Kate grinned at Vicky's actions, **"You know, I would've taken care of that." **

**"Yes, but you've practically been cooking every meal for the last two weeks. I figure I should pitch in at least a little..."**she said, returning the grin.

Kate chuckled, **"Well I love cooking and cooking for you is even better because you're easy to please."** Kate reached out and took Vicky's hand in hers, **"It's going to be hard to go back to cooking for one again."**Kate decided she didn't need to mention that she would probably revert to her usual habit of take out.

She loved to cook but between her job and her loathing of cooking for just herself, she kept the take out restaurants near her apartment in business.

**"Tell me about it. I won't even bring up the fact that I'm not a very good cook, so that makes it even worse,"**she chuckled, though Kate could probably tell how sad she was.

Kate realized a change in topic was needed so she said, **"Hey, come on. We have enough time for that walk so let's get out of here ok?"**Kate hoped that getting into the fresh air and being able to walk together might help beat back the sadness.

Vicky nodded and got up from her seat, walking out with Kate to the car so that they could head to the park. The blonde got back on the freeway and took an exit about a mile down the road to a little side street that led to a huge park near the downtown museums. She pulled into a parking space and got out of the car with Kate.

Kate stepped out of the car and looked around, smiling. The park seemed like the perfect place to just spend time with Vicky. They could forget about her leaving and just enjoy being together. Kate held out her hand to Vicky, wanting to hold her hand as they walked around, and grinned,** "Come here."**

Vicky took her hand and willingly went closer to Kate. Her only thought was to be as close to Kate for as long as possible before they had to leave for the airport. The sun was shining brightly still, not a cloud in the sky, and the birds were chirping their songs while the two walked beneath the trees. It seemed odd that the day could be so nice when it was going to end up being so sad.

Kate saw the trees on their right and she had an idea. She looked around to make sure they were alone and then she moved to her right, she pulled Vicky along with her. **"Come here I have an idea."**She smiled at Vicky and kept walking backwards until she felt the trunk of a tree behind her. She leaned back onto the tree and pulled Vicky as close as she could get her, placing her hands on the blonde's waist to keep her in place. She grinned and wiggled her eyebrows before she leaned forward and kissed her.

Vicky kissed her back with fervor, her tongue darting into the other woman's mouth swiftly. She loved when Kate took control like this and her aforementioned desire to be close to the brunette kept her glued in place.

Kate smiled at Vicky's eagerness. She loved how Vicky never held anything back when they kissed. Kate ran her hands up Vicky's back and back down to just above her ass. Despite letting herself get lost in their kiss, Kate still had the presence of mind to keep it clean enough to avoid getting arrested. She pulled back from the kiss and lowered her lips to Vicky's neck and Kate had to admit, if only to herself, that she had a bit of a fetish when it came to Vicky's neck. She just loved tasting it and sucking on it and she really liked how easy it was to mark, to claim Vicky as hers. Kate was careful though, not to use her teeth at all.

Vicky tilted her head to give Kate room to work, her hands on Kate's hips to keep herself steady. She was Kate's and that's why she gave herself freely to her. She wanted the brunette to know that she trusted her completely.

Kate smiled when she felt Vicky move to give her better access. She drifted her lips lower to the collar of Vicky's shirt and she reached her tongue out, licking the valley between the blonde's breasts. Kate was getting turned on and she felt herself getting wet. Kate slid her hand around to the front of Vicky's jeans, she kept it hidden between their bodies but she slid her fingers between Vicky's legs, lightly cupping her. Kate felt Vicky jump a little in her hand and she grinned. She lifted her lips to Vicky's ear and whispered, **"Do you like that?"**

Vicky's cheeks were flushed and she nodded, **"Yes...don't start something you can't finish, babe, please...cause I need you..."**

Kate pulled her lips back but kept her hand where it was. She glanced quickly at Vicky's car and then back to her girlfriend. She grinned, a little evilly, and said, **"Well...what do you say we go back to your car and I show you how much I need you too? I can definitely finish what I'm starting if you're willing to let me."**Kate looked at Vicky, waiting for her answer, while her hand slowly stroked back and forth with just enough pressure to be noticed.

**"Yes,"**she said in a heavy breath and pressed down on Kate's hand, her underwear getting drenched with her arousal.

Kate grinned, she hadn't wanted to fool around in a car since her teens but she needed to be with Vicky one more time. Carefully she pulled her hand away, loving the little whimper that escaped Vicky's lips. She took Vicky's hand and said, **"Come on."** Kate pulled Vicky back to the car and she opened the back door. She motioned for Vicky to get in first and then followed her in. Kate shifted and gently lay Vicky down, **"Just lay back baby and enjoy the ride, ok? I want to give you something to remember when you're in bed alone."**Kate was suddenly really glad that Vicky's car has tinted windows as she took the blonde's shirt off and dropped it on the driver's seat. Kate took a moment to admire Vicky's breasts in the white lace, demi-cup bra she was wearing. It was very girly and very...Vicky. Kate smiled as she unhooked the front clasp and set the blondes beautiful breasts free. She lowered herself down and took one breast in her mouth and began to lick it while her hand began playing with the other one.

Vicky moaned and her back arched, pressing her breasts up against Kate's mouth and hand. Her nipples were stiff, straining for as much contact as possible. She was breathing heavily, her eyes closed and her hand running through Kate's short, brown locks. She hadn't done anything like this in years and there was something about being in a public place, even if they were concealed, that turned her on like nothing else.

Kate knew they didnt have a lot of time but she was determined to make Vicky come, hard. She switched her mouth to Vicky's other breast while her hands slid down her torso to the waistband of the blonde's skirt. She unzipped the skirt and slid one hand inside to cup Vicky's sex, her fingers getting coated with the wetness she knew she'd caused. Kate began to kiss her way down Vicky's body to join her hand.

Vicky was gripping the seat with one hand and Kate's hair with the other. Her legs were parted as much as they could be given the tight space and her breathing had evolved into moans, each one louder than the last. **"Oh, god, Kate...yeah...like that, baby, like that."**

Vicky's moans and her words only served to turn Kate on even more and she quickly slid Vicky's skirt off and closed her lips around her clit to suck on it.

Kate moved her hands around to Vicky's butt to cup her cheeks and lift her up a little to give her mouth more access of the blonde's soaking wet center. Kate smiled as her actions increased the moans coming from the blonde.

**"I'm so close, Kate...please, baby, don't stop,"**Vicky pleaded, her hips rocking, her breasts heaving, and her folds quivering. She had her eyes open staring down at Kate situated between her legs. It was pushing her closer and closer to climax to watch Kate's head bobbing as she licked, sucked, and thrust.

Kate lifted her head long enough to say,** "Come for me baby."**Then she lowered her mouth back to her task as she brought one hand around to the front and slid one long finger into Vicky. She curled her finger and felt the spongy patch of nerves that she was looking for. She increased the motion of her tongue against Vicky's clit as she applied gentle but firm pressure to the spot deep inside of her blonde girlfriend who was writhing and moaning. Kate knew Vicky was close and she wanted her to come in her mouth, on her hand.

Vicky couldn't hold back, though she was trying because she wasn't ready for this to end. Her back arched up and her muscles tightened around Kate's finger, her clit pulsing against Kate's tongue. Her moans were rhythmic until she finally lost control and then it was Kate's name on her lips. She came hard, her body rigid as she repeated Kate's name over and over.

Kate felt Vicky come apart in her hand and her mouth, shouting her name and she loved it. She slowed her finger and gently helped Vicky ride out the wave. When the blonde had come back down, Kate slowly slid her body up, rubbing against the sweat-slicked skin of the body beneath her and she looked into Vicky's deep blue eyes. Kate smiled down at her and whispered, **"Thank you baby."**Kate leaned down and kissed Vicky deeply, letting the blonde taste herself on Kate's lips.

Vicky licked and sucked at Kate's tongue, the salty familiarity of her essence filling her mouth. She pulled back, her eyes a dark blue color, and grinned at Kate, **"Thank you. That was amazing, baby..."** She took a deep breath and sighed,** "Mmm, I want to return the favor."**

Kate smiled and opened her mouth to speak but before she could say anything, her cell phone began chiming. Kate dropped her head to Vicky's chest and sighed. She reached around to the front seat where her purse was and pulled out her cell phone.

She checked the phone and let out a growl, **"Damn it."** She turned back to Vicky with a look that was half apologetic and half filled with frustration. She gave Vicky a light kiss as she turned off the alarm. **"I would love to take you up on that baby but that alarm means I have less than 15 minutes to make it to the airport before I miss the one-hour check in window. I am so sorry baby, but we need to get going."**Kate dropped her head to Vicky's chest again. She couldn't look into those blue eyes and see her reaction.

Vicky could feel her heart drop and then there was a squeeze, like it was stuck in a vice. She choked back her tears and caressed Kate's hair, their sweet scent thick in the car. She wasn't ready. That was all there was to it. But she knew she didn't have a choice, she'd have to take her, give her a good-bye kiss, and then go home to an empty house. The thought made her want to crawl into a hole. She sighed heavily and kissed the top of Kate's head and then began putting herself back together again. In minutes, she was behind the steering wheel and Kate in the passenger seat.

Kate felt like she was dying. She sat in the passenger seat and looked out the window. She didn't want to leave. She wanted to stay here with Vicky forever but she knew that wasn't an option. Kate turned her head and looked at Vicky. Her mind went back to a few moments ago when the blonde was naked, writhing beneath her, moaning. Kate would always treasure that memory. She reached out and placed her hand on Vicky's thigh, squeezing gently before she said, **"I'm so sorry about this Vicky. I wish we had more time."**Kate felt the tears coming on and she took a breath to fight them back.

Vicky could feel her throat close from the size of the lump inside. **"I know...but it's not forever...it can't be. We'll be together again somehow, I promise. No matter what I have to door what you have to do. We'll be together."**

Kate felt herself smile, **"Yes, we will be. It will happen and I will wait for you. I just wish it could happen now."**Kate had never really been a patient person but she was getting better at it and for a chance to spend the rest of her life with Vicky, she'd be patient.

They stopped at a red light and Kate turned in her seat to face Vicky. She lifted her hand to Vicky's cheek and she lightly ran her thumb over the cheekbone. Her voice was confident and firm, **"Vicky Harrison, you and I will be together again one day and when we are, I'm going to spend the rest of our lives together making sure you know exactly how much I love you." **Kate leaned forward and sealed her vow with a kiss.

There were a lot of things in this world that Vicky thought were certain only to find out that they could be yanked away in the blink of an eye, but this, Kate's vow, she believed was real with all her heart. Kate didn't take things lightly nor did she enter into them without giving it her full consideration. Vicky had seen this over the past two weeks. So she knew that no matter what it took, she and Kate would be together forever.

The honking of the cars behind them alerted them that the light had changed. Kate settled back into her seat as Vicky got the car moving again. They arrived at the airport within a few minutes and Vicky parked in the visitors lot. They got out and entered the airport.

Vicky insisted on accompanying Kate to the gate so she got a gate pass. They went through security and soon they were sitting in the chairs at the gate as they waited for the plane to arrive. Kate took Vicky's hand and smiled at her, **"Thank you."**

Vicky smiled,** "For what?"**

**"For these last two weeks, for making this vacation the best of my life."** Kate lowered her voice, **"For loving me and letting me love you, for forgiving me for what I did to you this morning, for knowing it wasn't intentional, but most importantly, for believing me that we will be together one day and for planning ahead for it. Thank you for...being you. No pretenses, no lies, and no false promises just...being Vicky. I love you."**Kate leaned forward and kissed her girlfriend.

Vicky nodded, but she didn't feel like she deserved Kate's gratitude. Yes, she loved her honestly, and yes, everything she had done or said or felt, was true, but there was one part that was not. It was the reality of who Vicky really was. It wasnt that she didn't want to tell Kate, she wanted to more than anything in the world, but she couldn't tell her the truth. She hated herself for that, but she hated Velez even more for taking that away from her and her girlfriend. She leaned her head on Kate's shoulder and said, **"I love you too, Kate. No matter what happens, you have to believe that everything has been real and will always be real. Tell me you believe me."**

Kate looked at Vicky and frowned, **"I'm not sure I like the sound of that but yes, I believe you."**Kate didn't normally trust so blindly but there was something about Vicky that inspired her trust.

Kate was in love, she knew it as surely as she knew her own name, and she knew Vicky loved her too, that much had become obvious these past two weeks. There was nothing Vicky could say or do that would change that.

Vicky kissed Kate again and then the call came over the PA system that Kate's flight was boarding. Vicky couldn't hold in her emotion anymore and her tears surfaced in the blink of an eye. She embraced Kate and held her tightly.** "Please, get home safe and I love you. When you feel alone at night or when you're not sure how you're going to make it through your day, remember that I'm here and I love you with all my heart."**

Kate held on to Vicky as if her life depended on it. She didn't want to let go, but Kate eventually pulled back and smiled through the tears in her eyes and said, **"I will. When you get home I want you to look in the bottom drawer of your nightstand, I left you a surprise. I want you to remember me and know that whenever you look at what I left you, I'm thinking of you and loving you and waiting for the day when I can hold you again. I love you Vicky."** Kate kissed Vicky, letting her love pour out of her, and then she pulled away as she heard her row being called. **"I have to go baby, I'm sorry."**Kate reluctantly stepped away and moved towards the door to the tunnel.

Vicky held onto herself, feeling as though a part of her heart had been ripped away. She watched Kate's plane pull away and waited until it had taken off and was out of her sight. She walked with heavy legs back to the parking area to get into her car and go home. The only comfort she had was the surprise waiting for her. Anything that came from Kate would be cherished until the moment she could be with her again.

Kate sat in her seat on the airplane and looked out the window as she watched the ground fall away. With every moment that passed, she was being taken further away from Vicky, so it made her glad that the seat next to hers was empty. It allowed her to cry in peace. She let the tears fall, not even trying to stop them. She felt the tightness in her chest as she thought about going to bed alone and waking up without Vicky. Idly, wondered if one could actually die from a broken heart. If so, she was sure she would land in New York as a corpse.

* * *

><p>When Vicky got home, she closed the door behind her and heard the deafening echo as it bounced off the adobe walls. She continued to sob, her eyes red from all the tears, and slowly made her way into her bedroom. She sat down on the bed and reached for the drawer that Kate had told her to look into for the surprise and sure enough, she found the little package that Kate was talking about.<p>

A few days ago, when she finally allowed herself to face the reality that she was going to be leaving soon, Kate decided to leave something for Vicky to remember her by. Vicky had to work that day, so she'd let Kate borrow her car again. Kate had typed a search into her cell phone to find the places she needed to go and then entered the addresses into the GPS unit in the car. Three stops later, Kate had everything she needed and went back to Vickys house. Shed been staying there since their fourth day together after Vicky asked if shed be interested in checking out of the hotel early so that they could spend more time together. Kate was thrilled at the invite and moved all of her things to Vickys place.

As she sat in the kitchen, Kate prepared Vickys surprise by carefully writing out the exact recipe for _Malukuao_, and framing it in a beautiful brushed metal frame that shed bought at Borders. She then picked up the copy of Rick Castles first book, the one shed bought at the bookstore during their first date, and carefully wrapped the book with a sheet of tissue.

Kate wanted to leave Vicky this book as a gesture that they would see each other again. She knew that Vicky knew how important the book was to her and that by leaving it with the blonde, she was saying that she knew they would be together again.

She placed the book into a gift box and then set the frame on top of it before closing the box. She then took out the stationery she'd also picked up at Borders and began writing the letter she was going to leave. She wrote down all of her emotions and thoughts about their future and then carefully folded the letter.

She slid the letter into the matching envelope and after sealing it, she kissed the flap and left a medium red impression of her lips on the white paper. Kate wrapped the box with the nice silvery wrapping paper she'd bought and then taped the letter to the top, Vickys name written in Kates handwriting. Kate slipped it into the bottom drawer of the nightstand and knew she would have to make sure Vicky didn't find it until she was gone.

Kate smiled as she thought of all the ways she could distract her beautiful, sexy girlfriend from looking in the drawer as she cleaned up the mess shed made with the wrapping and soon though, it was time to pick Vicky up from work. After returning to Vickys house for the night, Kate had cooked dinner and they'd snuggled on the couch, the blonde none the wiser about the surprise waiting for her in the nightstand.

Now, Vicky held the recipe and the book in her hands and smiled. **"Oh, Kate,"**she said, her tears still falling, but this time, they were happy. She knew how important the book was to Kate, so to be holding it at all meant that Kate believed they would be together again. She resolved that somehow she'd find a way to get Rick Castle to sign it for Kate, even if she had to use her Cabot pull to do it and the rules be damned. She set it back in the box carefully and then took the recipe into the kitchen to practice making Kate's signature dish.


	8. Facing the Music

**Chapter 8: Facing the Music**

US Marshal Mary Shannon was not in a good mood. She was furious and frustrated and she hoped the 45-minute drive from Albuquerque to Santa Fe would cool her off enough so that she wouldn't shoot her witness on sight. Mary never really had a problem with Alex Cabot, now Vicky Harrison, before today. The blonde former ADA wasn't usually a bother. She followed the rules, kept a low profile, had a nice job that was completely unrelated to her former identity and never gave her any problems. Her only complication was her request to move from Albuquerque to Santa Fe for the job at the gallery. It had been approved and resolved easily enough, but today...today was different.

The day had started out normally enough, nothing too bad, until a few hours ago when Mary had gotten a call that Vicky Harrison's ID had been used to request a gate pass. Mary had read the report, seen the security footage, and saw Vicky accompany a brunette to one of the gates. She watched as they waited at the gate and kissed goodbye before the brunette boarded her flight. Mary had called the airport and, using her credentials, shed got the flight number and the destination. When she saw that it was a nonstop flight to New York, shed gotten a sinking feeling in her stomach. Mary was well versed in Cabot's file. She knew that the blonde had talked Hammond into letting her tell two of her detectives she was still alive and that she'd gone back to New York to testify, which led to her relocation to New Mexico. Mary started wondering if one of those detectives had found Vicky and came to New Mexico for a visit.

It was already five in the evening, but she didn't want to leave this until tomorrow if there was an actual problem. Mary pulled up at Vicky's house and took a breath before getting out to ring the bell. She waited patiently for Vicky to answer the door and did her best to keep her aggravation in check.

Vicky was in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. She turned off the stove and went to the door, surprised to see Mary through the peephole. She opened the door and smiled, **"Hi Mary, come in."**She had no reason to think there was a problem.

Mary walked in the door and went to the living room. She turned to face Vicky and without smiling, asked, **"Hi Vicky, um...is there something you maybe want to tell me?" **Mary wanted to see if Vicky would be honest with her or if she would have to drag it out of her with the facts she'd learned.

Vicky smiled a clueless smile, **"What do you mean?"**

Mary nodded. The hard way it was going to be. **"I mean, is there any you want to tell me about what you did today? Maybe somewhere you went that you shouldn't have gone?"**Mary struggled to keep her anger in check, now wasn't the time.

Vicky raised her eyebrow, **"I'm not allowed to go to Albuquerque?"**

Mary took a deep breath and started pacing, **"Vicky, where in Albuquerque did you go today? And before you try to keep up this dumb blonde act, let me remind you that I am a US Marshal and I have great connections."**

**"The airport,"** she replied matter-of-factly. **"But I'm still here, so obviously I didn't go anywhere, which means I didn't break any rules..."**

Mary just stopped and looked at her. **"That depends on _why_ you went to the airport, Vicky. I can't keep you safe if you won't be honest with me." **

**"I took a close friend to catch her flight. I got a gate pass, stayed with her until she left, and came home. End of story."**

**"A close friend who just happened to get on a flight to New York? Please tell me it wasn't one of those detectives that know you're alive. Tell me you did _not_ just risk your safety and identity for a few nights."**Mary was suddenly convinced that she had told one of her NYPD buddies where she was and the woman had come to town to find her.

**"Yes. She was on vacation here, we spent two weeks together, and she went home. That's all. If you want to check the passenger manifest for the flight, you'll see that Detective Benson's name is not on it."**

Mary just glared at her, **"I have Marshal doing that as we speak, but lets assume that youre telling me the truth and it wasnt Benson. Does this woman know who you really are? Did you break cover for her?"**

**"No, Mary, I didn't. She thinks I'm Vicky Harrison just like she's supposed to."**

Mary let out the breath she was holding. **"Good. That's good. Well, I hope those two weeks were worth it because you are not allowed to contact this woman again do you hear me? No e-mails, no phone calls, nothing. As long as you're in the program and in danger, this woman is off limits and if I find out that you have been contacting her I'll have you transferred back to Agent Hammond's care."** When her threat didn't produce a reaction Mary added, **"You probably didn't know this but he's been transferred to Alaska. So if I send you back to his care, you'll be moving to Alaska. No more contact."**Mary didn't like being so heavy handed but she didn't have a choice. She liked Vicky. After all, the woman wasn't some criminal who had turned on her partners or her bosses for a new life in WITSEC. She was a prosecutor who had tried to do the right thing and lost everything she'd known. Mary was sympathetic to a point but she still had a job to do and that job was to keep Alexandra Cabot alive until the threat against her was eliminated.

**"So to be clear, you're going to be checking my e-mails, calls, whatever until further notice? I just want to know how invaded my privacy is going to be,"** she said in an icy tone. She didn't like being watched for any reason, so this was the worst thing that could happen. **"Oh and to answer your question, yes, she was worth it and given the choice, I'd do it again."**

Mary sighed, **"Vicky, I dont like having to do this but I have no choice here. Its my job to keep you alive. This woman is from New York and the threat to your life came from New York. If she were to find out who you are, or if someone else were to find out that she knew you, you'd be in even more danger. So I'm truly sorry but yes, the Marshal's office will be monitoring your e-mail, internet activity and your phone lines until we're satisfied that you aren't in contact with this woman."**Mary hated having to invade her privacy and basically treat her like a prisoner or a child who just got grounded but she didn't see any other way to keep her safe. Keeping in contact with this woman could prove to be very dangerous.

**"Why don't you just put a detail on me 24-7? They can follow me around the house, to work, to the store, pretty much everywhere I go. That way you can be 100% sure I'm not texting or calling her no matter where I go,"**she said with total anger. This wasn't fair. She knew the risks and she wouldn't put Kate or herself in danger and it bothered her that Mary didn't see that.

Mary's own anger calmed as Vicky's grew, **"Vicky, I know this sucks, believe me I know it does but I don't have a choice here. If I don't do my job and something happens to you, I'm the one who's going to be held responsible. I think I know you enough by now to understand that you wouldn't put yourself at risk, at least I hope you wouldn't, but look at the facts. You broke the rules right out of the gate and let two people from your former life know you were alive and going into Witness Protection, then you broke cover and ran to New York with Hammond to testify against Liam Connors when there was really very little you could testify to. Not only did you let him know you were still alive, but you let his bosses and basically all of New York know it too. Hammond requested you be transferred to my care in the hopes that I could keep you in line and you've been the model witness, until now. I know you say that none of this was planned, but its a hell of a coincidence that this woman from New York just happens to show up in Santa Fe, where you requested to be moved to from Albuquerque, and you spend two weeks with her. It makes me think that youre up to something and thats why Im going to be extra cautious about this."**Mary hoped Vicky did understand her position. It would make her job that much easier.

**"Up until two weeks ago, I didn't even know she existed, but yes, we grew close. I'd never do anything to endanger her, but if it'll make you feel better to watch me like a hawk, be my guest."**

Mary tried a different angle, **"Well, you may not have known that she existed but can you say the same for her? How do you know she doesn't work for the drug lord who's after you? How do you know she didn't deliberately show up here looking for you? How do you know that she won't tell someone about her vacation fling and that information gets around to the wrong person? Vicky, you're smarter than that. Im asking you nicely, please don't try to contact her, ok?" **Mary was suddenly very tired, the long day, coupled with the long drive and this argument was draining her energy.

**"Fine, but I know she didn't come here to kill me. She would've finished the job by now, don't you think? Anyway, I'm going back to making dinner. I can cook for more than just myself if that detail is planning to be here..."**

Mary grinned, **"There won't be a detail Vicky, just the usual electronic traces on your e-mail and phone lines. But if you don't mind the company, and don't try to poison me, can I join you?" **

She nodded even though she was pissed. She knew where Mary was coming from but it still bugged her. **"Have a seat, it's almost ready."**

Mary watched as the blonde moved around her kitchen, she looked almost comfortable in the space. It was a vast difference from the last time Mary had been in Vicky's house. Shortly after she'd moved to Santa Fe, Mary had come out to make sure she was settling in ok, and Vicky had invited her to stay for dinner. Vicky's movements weren't as fluid as they were now and Mary wondered if the change was due to time and experience or something else. She smiled at Vicky but didn't try to ask her, something told Mary she might not like the answer.

Vicky finished up on the stove and served two plates of Kate's special mixture. She carried them over to the table and set one down in front of Mary. **"I hope you like it,"**she said and sat down to join the agent.

Mary took a moment to look at the strange dish of food before her and then looked at Vicky, who was already eating. **"Ummm...what is it?"**

**"_Malukuao_. It's amazing, trust me,"**she said and took a bite.

Mary quirked an eyebrow,** "Malu-what?"**

**"Special made-up old family recipe. Just try it, you'll love it. I've been learning to make it and though it's not as good as it could be, it's still wonderful."**

Mary wasn't convinced but she decided to keep an open mind. She picked up her fork and poked at the food. She moved things around, trying to identify all the components and after a few moments she scooped some up on her fork and tried it. She chewed carefully and swallowed with a smile. **"OK, it looks weird and a little like leftovers but it's really pretty good. I like it."**

**"I'm glad. I made 3 batches before I got it edible,"** Vicky said with a chuckle. **"I'm not the best cook, you know."**

Mary chuckled, **"Join the club. It seems to be a trend among women in the law enforcement field." **

Vicky nodded, though she remembered that Olivia was a really good cook, unless she was just a fluke. Either way, it didn't matter. Vicky never planned to go back to anyone in law enforcement because she had Kate now and Kate was an amazing cook.

Mary continued to eat, kind of glad that she didn't have to resort to take out tonight for dinner. Mary looked up from her plate and decided a new topic might be a good idea so she asked, **"So, how's it going at the gallery?"**

**"It's been steady. I've had a few big sales over the past few weeks and we're getting ready for a show. There's this artist who just came out of the College of Santa Fe and she's really talented. You should come by and check it out."**

Mary smiled, **"That sounds really nice. I'm not very into art but I'll swing by. When is it?"**Mary decided to be supportive of Vicky in an effort to establish a truce of sorts.

**"November 15th through the 22nd. We're having a small opening party on the 14th and it might be more fun if you came that night. Therell be lots of champagne and good food."**

Mary pulled out her PDA and checked her calendar. She smiled when she saw the opening in her schedule and she said,** "I can make it." **

**"Great! You can see Vicky Harrison in action,"** she said with a chuckle and then finished her meal.** "Do you want some dessert and coffee when you're done?"**

Mary grinned, **"Well what's for dessert?" **

**"I have peach cobbler or pumpkin pie..."**

Mary thought about that for a few moments and then checked her watch, **"Those both sound really good but I should really get on the road back to Albuquerque, early day tomorrow. Can I take a rain check?"**

**"Of course. I could wrap up one of each for the road, if you'd like?"** Vicky said, heading toward the refrigerator.

Mary chuckled, **"Yeah that would be good, thanks." **

**"Sure."** Vicky packed two containers, one with cobbler and the other with pie, and put them in a small paper bag. She handed the bag over to Mary and said, **"Enjoy it. They're delicious."**

Mary looked down for a moment, thinking about her options and then she lifted her eyes to look at Vicky, **"Listen, Vicky, I really am sorry about having to be so heavy handed with you about this woman from New York. It's my job to keep my witnesses safe and if I'm going to continue to be really good at what I do, then I can't always be the good guy. But um, how about I make you a deal?"**Mary had been thinking about it and she figured that since Vicky wasn't a criminal and she did seem genuine when she said she wouldn't put herself or this woman in danger, she would make a bit of a compromise.

**"What sort of a deal are we talking about?"**Vicky knew a lot about making deals. It was part of her old job as a prosecutor.

Mary smiled, **"Well, if you can keep yourself from contacting your lady friend in New York for say...six months, I'll take off the electronic surveillance at that time and give you the privacy you want. What do you say?"**

Vicky looked her over, **"Hmm, you're probably not going to budge from six months, so I'll take your deal. I'll be on my best behavior."**

**"The six months is a minimum time limit. Keep your nose clean and don't give me a reason to tighten the noose further by adding a physical detail to follow you. When the times up, I'll back off."**

**"You have my word, I won't use my e-mail or my cell to contact her."**

Mary smiled, **"Good, then we have a deal. But Vicky, if I find out that youve contacted her at any point during the next six months, the deal's off and you'll have a permanent shadow, understand?" **

**"Perfectly. Don't worry, best behavior, remember? Now, have a safe trip back and I'll see you on the 14th,"**she said as she walked Mary out.

Mary walked to her car and got in. She sat behind the wheel for a minute and just grinned. It didn't escape her notice that Vicky had spoken very specifically, carefully crafting a loophole to get around their deal. Mary already knew she was going to have to keep a close eye on Vickys communications. In the meantime, she wanted to find out as much as she could about Vickys mystery woman, so she decided that once she got back to her office, she was going to see who checked in before and after Vicky in the hopes of getting the womans name. She was grinning to herself when she noticed that Vicky was still at the door. She waved one last time and then turned the car on and drove away.

TBC


	9. Freedom and Hope

**Chapter 9: Freedom and Hope**

_September 5, 2009_

Mary Shannon was in her office, makeshift as it was, finishing up some paperwork on a new witness when the door opened and an imposing man entered. Mary looked up and she instantly recognized the man. Even if his face hadn't been so familiar, the cut of his suit and his demeanor practically screamed US Marshal.

Mary got a sinking feeling, but she hid it well as she stood up and said,** "Agent Hammond, what brings you to my little plot of heaven?" **

Agent Hammond grimaced as the air conditioning in the office took a bit too long to affect him. He looked to the other Agent and said,** "Agent Shannon, you're the lead on the Cabot case now, right?" **

Mary nodded,** "Yeah, why?" **

Hammond smiled,** "Because I have good news for you. Cesar Velez was found murdered in his cell last night. He was taken to the morgue early this morning for an autopsy and I verified his death myself. Intelligence confirms that the threat against Ms. Cabot died along with Velez and she's free to return to her former life, if she chooses. I came here to brief you and accompany you to Ms. Cabot's house to tell her the news."**

Mary took a moment to process that and then she smiled, **"That's great news. Come on, let's go." **

Mary led Jack Hammond out to her car and they drove off towards Santa Fe and on the way, Hammond finished his briefing. Mary pulled up to the sidewalk outside Vicky's house and cut the engine before she and Hammond got out of the car and headed to the front door. Mary rang the bell and waited for Vicky to answer. It was a Saturday so she knew Vicky wasn't at work and her car was in the driveway.

Vicky was sitting on the couch in her pajamas watching a movie when she heard the bell. She got up and walked over to the door, checking to see who was standing outside. When she saw Mary and Agent Hammond, she knew something big was happening. She opened the door and looked at both agents, **"Hello..."**

Before Hammond could say anything, Mary took the lead, **"Hi Vicky, there's been a development in your case, can we come in?"** Mary decided this news was too big to bully their way through it so she went the polite route. She knew Hammond was like the proverbial bull in a china shop and she wanted to be the opposite of that.

**"Of course. Please excuse the mess, I've been lazy all morning."** She closed the door and walked in behind them,** "Can I get you anything? Some coffee or juice?"**

Mary and Hammond walked into the living room. Hammond declined coffee but Mary smiled, **"Coffee actually sounds really good, thanks Vicky."**

**"Sure,"** she said and then went into the kitchen. She called out to the agents while she poured a cup for Mary,** "So, what's going on?"**

Mary looked at Hammond and whispered, **"Don't just blurt it out. Try some tact ok?"** Mary raised her voice, **"Um, why don't you come sit down and we'll talk about it."**

Vicky nodded and brought the coffee, along with cream and sugar over for Mary. She set it down on the coffee table and took a seat, **"Ok. What's going on? Good news or bad?"**

Mary sipped her coffee as she waited for Hammond to speak. Jack looked between the two women and shifted in his seat before clearing his throat, **"Um, Miss...uh..."** Hammond floundered for a moment but then he remembered her cover name, **"Harrison. Cesar Velez was murdered last night in his prison cell. I went to identify the body and verify his death personally and it seems that the contract on your life died with him. Miss Harrison...um Miss Cabot, you're being released from the Program. As soon as you complete the necessary paperwork and counseling sessions, you'll be free to resume your old life...if that's what you want."**Hammond shut up then, giving Miss Cabot a few moments to process the information. Mary just sat quietly, letting Vicky think about her situation.

Vicky stared down at the floor as the news started to sink in. She was Alex Cabot again, just like that. How strange it sounded to her...Alex Cabot. She repeated it over and over in her mind and suddenly it was like she was home again. New York was possible. Going back to Kate was possible. It was nothing short of a miracle. **"How soon can I return home?"**she asked, her voice eerily calm despite the news.

Hammond shifted again, **"Well, like I said, there's a lot of paperwork to be done and we require that you meet with an exit counselor at least twice before you can get on a plane to New York. You'll also have to meet with a therapist once you've returned home. Best case scenario, you're looking at two weeks."**

Mary hated rain on her parade, so to speak, but she didn't want to mislead Alex in any way.

**"Oh come on, can't you bend the rules just this once? I don't need counseling and if you bring me the paperwork, I can have it done tomorrow. I'm really ok with everything that's happened..."**

Hammond scowled, **"Sorry Miss Cabot, but this is non-negotiable...even for a lawyer. Rules of the program aren't flexible." **

Mary grinned because she knew why Alex was so eager to get back to New York. She turned to Hammond,** "Um, Jack, I think we can speed the process up a bit can't we?"** Hammond looked as if he was going to argue, but she cut him off, **"How about this, I'll handle the paperwork and I'll personally deliver her to the New York office ok?" **

Hammond thought about that and then said, **"Fine. But she has to have at least one session with the shrink before she leaves for New York."**

Mary turned to Alex, **"Can you live with that?"**

Alex nodded, **"Yes. I'll answer all the questions, do whatever it takes. I just want to get home."**

Mary smiled, **"Good. Well since it's Saturday, there's nothing more that can be done until the office opens back up on Monday. It'll probably take me a couple of days to get everything in order, but I'll give you a call on Monday to let you know when I'll be coming back to pick you up. In the meantime, I suggest you take this time to pack up your things and prepare yourself to leave Vicky Harrison behind. Come on, Jack, we should get going. Alex, um...congratulations. I know how much you've wanted this."** Mary took a moment to let everything she'd said sink in before she pulled Hammond off the couch and they left Vicky's house. Mary made the drive to Albuquerque in silence. Hammond just sat in the passenger seat and sighed, his head resting on the headrest. It had been a long flight.

Alex remained on the couch for almost an hour after the agents left. She was still trying to process the news and figure out the most efficient way to get her things together and ready for the move. She didn't have that much to take with her, but still, it had to be packaged up for the shippers. She decided that she'd save the heavy thoughts until tomorrow and spend the rest of the afternoon and evening out in the city. She wanted a chance to make peace with the place that had brought her together with the woman she loved.

* * *

><p>Alex spent a wonderful evening out on the town taking pictures and making a few purchases at some local shops before heading home. She slept comfortably for the first time since Kate left and got up the next morning with a renewed purpose. She started the task of packing up her things and it surprised her how much she wanted to take back with her. The furniture, dinnerware, appliances, etc., were there when she moved in, so she just cleaned up and left the house the way she found it when she moved in.<p>

Mary had called on Monday to let Alex know that she'd be by on Wednesday, so the blonde finished up late Tuesday night and placed the six boxes she ended up with near the doorway for the movers. She couldn't wait until the morning came and she could finally do what needed to be done and get back to New York.

Just as the days had flown by for Alex, the same was true for Mary Shannon. She'd gotten the paperwork ready and scheduled Alex's therapy session without the help of Agent Hammond. He was ready to get on a flight back to Anchorage first thing on Monday morning. It wasn't that he didn't like or admire Alex for what she'd done with the Velez cartel, but the fact was, she would always be linked in his mind to the death of his old partner, Tim Donovan, and it was easier for him to leave than to stay and have to relive it. Besides, he knew that Mary was very capable and he had no doubt that Alex was in good hands.

Late Wednesday morning, Mary drove out to Santa Fe to pick Alex up and take her to the airport. She could only imagine how anxious Alex was to get back to New York and to the mystery woman that she hadn't seen in almost a year. She just hoped that a year without communication hadn't damaged whatever it was that they were building.

When Mary pulled up to the house, she got out and rang the doorbell. She knew this was a very important day for Alex and she was glad to be a part of it. Alex nearly jumped off the couch and sprinted for the door. She'd been on edge all morning as she waited for Mary to arrive and had already had two false alarms, one being the mailman and the other an Avon lady. She hoped the third time was a charm. She looked through the peephole and grinned when she saw Mary standing on the other side. She opened the door and said,** "Finally."**

Mary chuckled, **"A little eager there Miss Cabot?"**

**"That would be an understatement. I already double and triple checked the house. I'm ready to go."**

Mary smiled, **"I see. Mind if I come in?"** Mary asked, still standing on the porch.

Alex sighed just a little.** "Um, yeah, sure, come in."** She had no idea what Mary was waiting for.

Mary smiled as she walked into the house and went to the table in the kitchen. She sat down and looked up at Alex, **"I have something for you, sit down."**

Alex reluctantly walked over and sat, but she was itchy and it was obvious. She watched Mary and waited for this something that Mary mentioned.

Mary could tell Alex was getting antsy and while she wanted to draw it out just to mess with her, she couldn't be that cruel. Mary reached into the briefcase she'd brought with her and pulled out the folder that contained the papers Alex needed to sign. She handed Alex and pen and slid both papers across the table to the anxious blonde. **"Go ahead and look these over and then when you're done, sign at the bottom of both forms. I also want to let you know that you have an appointment with our exit therapist next Wednesday. I know you don't want to wait a week, but that's the earliest I could get you on her schedule. I'm sorry." **

**"It's fine, let's just get this going."** She looked over both sheets of paper, the lawyer in her boiling it down to just the important bits, and then picked up the pen. She started signing the paper with a "V" and then blushed, **"Right..."** She tried it again, this time signing her name "Alexandra Cabot" on the two forms and then handed them back to Mary.

Mary nodded and then tucked the paperwork back into her briefcase. **"Ok, well, that should be everything. Are you packed yet?"**

**"Are you really asking me that question?"**Alex asked with a chuckle.

Mary smiled, **"I just wanted to be sure. The movers will be by this afternoon to pick up your things and they'll be holding them in storage until you get settled in your new place. Since your therapy session isn't until the 16th, I was thinking of staying in New York with you until the 18th to help you get settled and make sure that everything goes off without a hitch."**

**"Um, I appreciate the offer, Mary, but I'm sure I can handle myself and I can always stay at my mother's townhouse until I find my own place."**

Mary hesitated, **"Well...the thing is...when your mother died, you were presumed dead, so the townhouse went on the market and it was sold. I'm really sorry, but we'll be staying at a hotel...**

**"Whoa, wait...did they sell the house upstate as well?"**she asked with concern. Those properties were important to her and she couldn't stand the idea that they were sold just because she wasn't around.

**"No. We're not exactly sure why, but in early 2003, your mother transferred the deed into your name, so when we took control of your assets and placed them in a dummy account, the house became a part of your net worth. Once we finish processing your departure paperwork, which usually takes between seven and 10 days, we'll transfer everything from the dummy account back into your name. Once that happens you can decide where you want to live. Officially you'll be Alex Cabot again."**

Alex sighed heavily, but she knew there was nothing she could do about it. She was happy that at least the one house she cared about was still hers and she knew exactly why her mother had put it in her name. Elisabeth Cabot wanted to give Alex and her girlfriend Olivia, a home where they could settle down and raise the family she knew that Alex wanted. The problem was, by this point in their relationship, Alex and Olivia were quickly starting to decline thanks to Olivia's hesitance to be open about her sexuality and because she didn't want to upset her mother, Alex had kept that a secret. It wasn't until after the shooting that she'd wished she'd been honest with her mom, but if it meant that she still had possession of her childhood home, to the last link she had to her mother, then she wasn't sorry.

She'd do whatever she had to, wait as long as she had to, to get back to New York and the life she'd missed so deeply.

TBC...


	10. The Return and Adjusting to Home

**Chapter 10: The Return and Adjusting to Home**

Within an hour of leaving the house in Santa Fe, Mary and Alex arrived at the airport and quickly made their way up to the gate to board the plane. The flight took about seven hours thanks to a layover in Chicago, so the two women didn't touch down at JFK until well past midnight. Alex was exhausted, but luckily Mary already had a car waiting for them to take them to the hotel so they didn't have to wait for one to arrive. The agent had found a nice place on the Upper West Side that honored the government rate and booked adjoining rooms for her and Alex's week long stay.

Alex had her meeting with the federal psychiatrist on Wednesday, but she would've been more than ready to meet with her the minute she arrived. She wanted to get all of this over with so that she could get on with her life, but all she could do was be patient until her appointment was over and her paperwork was processed.

In the days that followed their arrival, Alex opted to spend her time outside smelling the New York air and taking in the sights and sounds of home. It was like getting back together with an old girlfriend; it was familiar but at the same time, the effects of the years gone by were evident as she explored her once-familiar concrete jungle.

Of course the week passed by in the blink of an eye, which had been known to happen in New York, and Alex found herself sitting in the psychiatrist's waiting room early on Wednesday morning. There was a plaque on the door that read "S. Gordon" and Alex could only speculate about the woman who was waiting for her on the other side. Naturally, when the door opened and Alex finally got to see at her, the doctor looked nothing like what the blonde had envisioned.

Dr. Sarah Gordon was used to dealing with WITSEC releases and the majority of her practice focused on treating people with PTSD that stemmed from one cause or another. Sarah had treated everything from abused children and women to rape victims, to former military personnel. A third of her patients, however, were referred to her through the Federal Government. The Marshals required anyone that was being released from the program to be in a healthy and stable frame of mind before they could be integrated back into their old life. Sarah's assessments satisfied the Marshals while still keeping her patients confidence. Sarah had been studying Alexandra Cabot's case file when the secretary announced Miss Cabot's arrival. Sarah closed the file and stood to open the door, calling out to the blonde as she sat in one of the waiting room chairs, **"Miss Cabot, please come in." **

Alex stood up and walked towards the office, Sarah stepping aside to let her walk in.

As she passed by her, Alex looked over the young woman. She was a little shorter than her, maybe 5'8", with long brown hair and blue eyes. If Alex had to take a guess, she figured the doctor to be about 28 or 29. All in all, she was the complete opposite of what she anticipated. She thought the doctor would be a stout older woman with graying hair pulled tightly into a bun, but she wasn't going to complain. She sat down on the leather couch near the bookcase and smiled politely, **"This is a nice office."**

Sarah smiled as she noticed Miss Cabot studying her. She knew her appearance sometimes threw people off, but she couldn't help it that she was a child prodigy and earned her PhD at the age of 21. She was now 29 and was already well known and well respected in her field. She cleared her throat when Miss Cabot spoke, **"Um thank you. Would you like something to drink before we begin?"**

**"No, I'm fine thank you. I'm just ready to get this over with. No offense." **

**"None taken. It seems to be a common theme with WITSEC releases. So tell me, how long were you in the program?"**Sarah already knew the answer, but she liked to start with something simple before she moved into the emotional areas.

**"Since 2004. I was moved 3 times while I was in."**

Sarah nodded, **"I see. So five years of pretending to be someone you're not. And not just one person, but three, during that time. How did you manage it?"**

**"I did what I had to do. I followed the rules, I stuck to my story, and I did my job...I survived,"**she said, trying to keep all emotion out of her voice.

**"Miss Cabot, why were you moved three times?"**Sarah noticed the lack of emotion in her voice and wanted to find a way to crack through the facade she was hiding behind.

**"The first time was because I was recognized by someone in the office where I worked. I was moved to Wisconsin and I became Emily Summers. I stayed there until there was a development in the case I had been working when I was 'killed,' so I came back to testify and put away the man who shot me,"** she said, her eyes staring off into space as she remembered sitting on the stand and confronting Liam Connors. **"After that, I was sent to New Mexico and that's when I became Vicky Harrison..."**

**"I see. You said you survived. What does that mean?" **she asked, wanting to understand where Alex was coming from.

**"I got up, I went to work, I came home, and went to bed. I'd repeat the same steps day after day, sometimes going to the store after work or the mall, but that's about it. I got by while I waited to come home," **she said honestly.

**"Yes, but there was no guarantee you would ever return to your old life, it would be natural to want to find some...security and companionship. Didn't you want that? A relationship, maybe a family someday?"** Sarah was curious to know why an attractive woman like Alex would hide in her house like a hermit instead of trying to find someone to share her time with.

**"Of course I wanted to find someone, but I also knew that I didn't want to live a lie and being a lesbian isn't exactly easy in a small town. I think there was also a part of me that wanted to wait for Olivia so I just sort of crawled into myself and I didn't have a reason to come back out until I met Kate in Santa Fe..."**

Sarah noticed that when Alex mentioned Olivia, her eyes were impassive, but when she mentioned Kate, a spark flared briefly. It was the first sign of emotion she'd witnessed since the blonde had walked into her office. Sarah smiled,** "Tell me about Kate in Santa Fe." **

Alex smiled, **"I wouldn't even know where to begin. Short version: She was in town on vacation, we met one evening and spent the next two weeks falling in love with each other. I honestly thought my heart was going to stop beating when she came back to New York..."** She lowered her eyes and let out a sigh, **"It's been almost a year since she left me, since I talked to her. I don't even know how to explain all of this to her."**

Sarah was amazed at the transformation that came over Alex's face when she spoke about Kate. **"So she lives in New York? That must have caused quite an uproar with your handler when she found out about her. Did Agent Shannon ever learn of Kate and where she was from?"**

**"Not that I'm aware of. All she told me was that I was not allowed to contact her and I was monitored for six months. No e-mail, no phone calls, nothing..."** She didn't want this doctor to know that she had in fact found a way around Mary's orders, but only once and only to let Kate know that she'd be out of touch while she was taking care of some important things. She couldn't let her girlfriend think she'd forgotten about her.

Sarah nodded, **"So it's been a year since you've had any contact with her? That must've been hard for you, to cut off all contact. I assume, now that you're back in your old life, that you'll try to find her. Tell me, what if you do find her and she's moved on? What if she's with someone else? How will you deal with that? I ask because I want to let you know that this doesn't have to be our only session."**Agent Shannon had already told Sarah that Miss Cabot wasn't receptive to the optional extra sessions but she decided to make the offer anyway.

**"I-I don't know...I don't believe that Kate would move on, but I suppose if I'm going to be realistic, then there is a possibility. If she has..."** She cleared her throat in an attempt to keep her tears at bay. **"Then I'll be happy for her and deal with my pain on my own...I've done it before."**

Sarah felt a stab of sympathy for her patient, **"I have no doubt you would be selfless enough to not stand in the way of her happiness, but if she has moved on, you don't have to deal with your pain on your own. I can help you because there are some situations you really shouldn't handle on your own."** Sarah paused to let that sink in before she said, **"Now, on a less emotional topic, you've been in town for a few days now, how is the transition going?"**

**"Great. I love being here...I feel like I'm alive again. I haven't felt like this since I was with Kate and now I'm home and I just keep telling myself that if I can find her, maybe we can make all of this work...I have hope for the first time in five years and it feels amazing,"**she said, her face glowing from the sheer happiness she felt from being back in New York.

Sarah smiled, **"So, other than finding Kate, do you have any plans for your life now that you're back? Any thoughts on what you will do job-wise? What about reconnecting with old friends or colleagues?"**

Alex shrugged, **"I haven't figured that out yet. I mean, I enjoy law, but I'm not sure if I want to go back to the DA's office and I'm not really a fan of private practice. As for my friends, I'm sure I'll figure it out with time, but for now, I just want to absorb everything and then, when the time is right, I'll get in touch with old them. I need to re-learn how to be Alexandra Cabot and I'm not sure I can do that with my friends around influencing me."**

Sarah nodded, **"That's very natural. It can be difficult to find your own identity when others are imposing their expectations on you."** Sarah took a moment to think about how to word her next question. Sarah had read a notation that Agent Hammond had made about some rumors that he had overheard when working on the original case about Alex and Detective Benson and shed been wondering how to work it in to the session. **"Um, Miss Cabot, your file mentioned that when you first entered the program, you insisted on letting two detectives know you were alive when the rest of the world thought you were dead. Detectives Elliot Stabler and Olivia Benson. Detective Stabler is a happily married man so I don't think you were trying to spare him the pain of thinking you were dead. Its my theory that you were trying to spare Detective Benson. Where does she fit in now that you are back and focused on Kate?" **

She took a moment to think about how she wanted to answer. **"Well, the thing is, Olivia isn't ready to admit to herself or her closest friends the truth about who she is. She is well within her rights to not say anything, but I don't feel comfortable with lying about who I am anymore. Kate is willing to be open and that's what I want. So I'm not sure if Olivia fits into my life at all anymore."**

**"I see...and what if she's ready now? What if she learns you're in town and she finds you and wants you back? What if she's willing to come out? Miss Cabot, have you allowed yourself to consider the possibility that Olivia might be ready to be what you need?"**

**"No, I haven't. I'm in love with Kate. That's not going to change regardless of where Olivia stands on her sexuality. If she's open, then I'll be happy for her. If not, then I'll continue to hope she finds the courage to accept who she is."**

Sarah nodded and hoped Alex would find her happiness with Kate. She would've continued on this line of inquiry but she noticed that their time was almost over. **"Miss Cabot, I'm sorry, but we're almost out of time. Like I said before, if you ever need to talk to, someone impartial, I'm here."**

Alex nodded and stood up. She extended her hand to the doctor and said, **"It was a pleasure to meet you and I hope everything is satisfactory for my file."**

Sarah shook her hand and then stood up and turned to her desk,** "It was a pleasure to meet you as well, Miss Cabot."** Sarah turned back to Alex,** "I sincerely hope that your transition into your old life goes smoothly, but here's my card just in case."** She handed Alex her business card, which contained both her office and personal numbers. **"Yes, your file will be properly settled."**

Alex took the card and looked at it. **"So that's what the S. stands for...Sarah Gordon...you know, I seem to recall a character with that name...she was on that soap...what is it? One Life to Live?"**

Sarah grinned, **"Yeah, I get that more often than you'd think. But if I recall correctly, I was born before the character was brought on the show. That's why I have only my first initial on my door, keeps people from forming preconceived notions about me."**Sarah had already run into some issues with her patients because of her age and shed grown tired of not being taken seriously. The last thing she needed was to add to that by having people recognize her name thanks to some soap opera.

**"Well, your secret is safe with me, Dr. Gordon. Just a happy coincidence,"** she said with a smile.** "Thank you for everything and if I ever do need to talk to someone, I'll keep you in mind."**She left the doctor's office and met Mary, who was outside in the waiting room.

Sarah watched her leave and smiled. She liked Miss Cabot. She waved at Agent Shannon and then closed the door to go back to her notes. She was going to meet with Agent Shannon the following day to discuss Alex's mental state, but in the meantime she went back to her desk to sort out her notes and prepare her report.

* * *

><p>Mary Shannon had arrived about 15 minutes into Alex's session and sat down to read a magazine while she waited for Alex to finish. As the blonde approached, she stood up and asked, <strong>"So, how'd it go?"<strong>

**"Great. She's very nice,"**Alex said, not wanting to reveal anything she'd talked about with Dr. Gordon.

Mary smiled, **"Good. So, how about we go grab some lunch and you show me something in this city that you love?"**Mary decided to let Alex take the lead and show off her town. It was a way for Mary to help Alex transition back to her old life.

Alex nodded and asked, **"Are you a fan of sushi? I know a great little place near here that we can go to before I take you to one of my favorite places."**

**"Sounds good, lead the way."**Mary held her hand out in a gesture for Alex to walk ahead of her.

They left the building and walked down the street past the courthouse, Alex stopping for just a moment as she recalled many memories about that building. She sighed heavily and apologized to Mary, **"Sorry. I forgot we'd be walking by here. I used to come here almost every day for work."**

Mary look up at the courthouse and really studied at it before she returned her gaze to Alex,**"Nothing to be sorry about, this place is important to you, to who you were before you went into the program and now, you have to figure out where this place fits in with who you are now...if it even does. Come on, let's go eat I'm hungry."**Mary gently tugged on Alex's sleeve in a playful manner.

Alex snapped out of her melancholy and chuckled, **"Ok."** She led her about two blocks up the street to a small sushi restaurant. There was a small crowd of people, but they were seated quickly and the waiter brought them two bowls of miso soup to enjoy while they were looking at their menus. **"No matter how good the sushi was in Albuquerque, it just couldn't compare to this place."**

Mary grinned, **"Yeah well...considering that its mostly desert, I can understand that."** Mary looked over the menu and decided on something simple. She looked up at Alex, **"So, tell me, what's the one thing that you held on to from your old life, that helped you through the program?"**

**"I guess if it was anything, it was the memory of my mother...that's why I was so afraid that the house in Amherst had been sold. I grew up there...I wanted to have some sort of connection to that time, to my mom. It was the only thing I had left after she died,"**she said, the pain still clear in her voice.

Mary nodded, **"Then I guess it's a good thing that she transferred it to your name. I'm curious though, why did she give you the big house rather than the townhouse? It seems to me that the house in Amherst is more suitable for a family, not a single lawyer."**

Alex took a sip of water and thought about how she was going to answer. **"Well, probably because she always wanted me to settle down and have a family. She wanted me to get out of the city and have a couple of kids with a partner that would treat me right. I understand why she wanted that, but it wasn't going to happen as quickly as she wanted." **She thought back to when shed introduced Olivia to her mother and how the elder Cabot had come to accept Alex for who she was.

Mary smiled at the fond tone in Alex's voice, **"Yeah it seems to be a common theme with moms to want grandkids and for their own children to be settled... especially the girls. Did she know about...you know, your...affinity for the fairer sex?"**Mary tried to be tactful with her question.

**"She did. I told her about Olivia about a month after we started dating and she met her one evening for dinner. She came into the city and we stayed at the townhouse overnight. She was nice to her, but I don't think she fully understood our relationship. It wasn't until much later that she accepted me for who I am and thankfully nothing changed. She loved me just as much as always and I was happy."**

Mary noticed something in Alex's tone, **"So um...now that you're back and free, I know you're going to want to find Kate, but what about Olivia?"**

**"She and I aren't good for each other. She's got her demons and I can't watch her get sucked down by them. If I see her, that's great, but I'm not going to seek her out. I can't."**

**"Ok, that makes sense I suppose."** Mary paused a moment then she smiled,** "Well I hope that things work out with Kate then, you deserve to be happy now that you're back in your life."**Mary wondered how long it would take Alex to realize that she was using Kate's name when, as far as Alex knew, Mary shouldn't know her mystery woman's name.

The waiter brought their food and set it down before leaving. Alex took out her chopsticks from their package and picked up a roll, **"So when exactly did you find out who Kate was?"**She peered at the Marshal and popped the roll into her mouth.

Mary grinned as she picked up one of her spicy tuna rolls. She looked at Alex and replied, **"I checked the manifest and ran each of the womens' names through the DMV database. Once I had all the photos, I ran a comparison with the security footage of you and the mystery woman at the gate and came up with a name. After that it wasn't too hard to run a background check on her."**Mary brought the roll to her lips and winked as she ate it.

Alex shook her head, **"Of course. You had all the bases covered, didn't you? I forgot how fun the chase can be."** She picked up another Philadelphia roll and held it in the air for a moment, **"So, are you planning to help me find her?" **

Mary just grinned as she chewed another roll then she said, **"Nope, that would be taking the easy way out and true love never takes the easy out Alex."**Mary liked the thought of Alex finding Kate on her own, despite her urge to be there when they were reunited.

**"You don't play fair, Mary,"** Alex said after swallowing her food. **"But you're right. I want to find my Kate on my own...it'll make it right. It just bothers me that you know everything about her, but soon I will too and she'll know everything about me, for better or worse."**

Mary took a little bit of pity on Alex then and said, **"Well, that sounds great, but I will tell you this, when you find her...I think you'll be surprised about where you find her."**Mary knew that Alex's reaction to Kate being a cop just like her ex, Olivia, would be something she would gladly cash in her vacation days to see.

Alex raised an eyebrow, **"That sounds ominous. She's not a stripper, is she?"**Alex knew full well that with her body, Kate could easily be an exotic dancer, and although she didn't figure her for the type, it didn't mean she wasn't.

Mary just shook her head, **"I'm not saying anything more. Just keep an open mind. Now, where are we headed after lunch?"**

Alex rolled her eyes, **"Since you're planning to keep me in the dark, I think I'm going to do the same. You're not afraid of heights, are you?"**

Mary smirked, she would play along, **"Not that I know of, but since I've spent most of my life in Albuquerque and there's not a lot of high places there, I honestly don't know."**

**"Well, you'd better prepare yourself then, and no, I'm not taking you to the Empire State Building..."** she said with a grin. They finished up their lunch and Alex was going to pay, but Mary snatched up the bill. **"Hmm, let me guess, it's included in your per diem?"**

Mary nodded, **"Yup, so don't worry about it, ok?"** Mary placed her credit card into the black leather case and handed it to their waitress as she passed by. As they waited for the girl to return with Mary's card, Mary looked at Alex and said, **"I like this side of you, must be because you're not pretending to be someone else, huh? You know, I haven't had a lot of witnesses return to their old lives. Most of the time, theyre in the program for life, never able to be who they used to be. I like that I was here to see you like this...being yourself again." **

**"It feels good to be back here. In all honesty, I'd given up on the idea of ever coming home until I met Kate. That's when I knew that somehow I'd make it home. Like fate, you know? I just felt it in my heart."**

**"She must be something really special. I'm glad you're going to have a second chance with her Alex. And, now that you're safe again and no longer in the program, there's nothing stopping you from being with her."**Mary could relate to Alex's idea of fate, she sometimes let herself believe in that ephemeral concept...usually when she was trying to forget that she hadn't found that special someone yet.

The waitress brought back Mary's card and once everything was settled up, she and Alex left the restaurant. Alex hailed a cab and got into the back seat with Mary, **"So, I know youve been keeping busy since Monday, but now that things are slowing down, are you planning to take in the sights of the city?"**

Mary looked out the window for a moment then turned to Alex, **"I had thought about seeing the real New York, but without a tour guide, Ive sort of decided to stick to places like Times Square and Central Park."**

**"Hey, if you really want to see what New York is all about, I do have someone I could call that could show you around..."**Alex still had several male friends and she did have someone in mind who might be good for Mary. She just figured she'd use this as a means to introduce them and let things take their course.

Mary thought about that for a minute then chuckled, **"Thanks for the offer but Ill be fine. Tomorrow Im going souvenir shopping since I promised my partner, Marshall, that Id bring him back one of those I Heart NY t-shirts. After that Im going to the Empire State Building, since thats not where we're going."**

**Where were going is much better, I promise."** The cab driver took them to mid-town and pulled up just outside of Rockefeller Center. Alex paid him and then stepped out of the car with Mary, **"We're going to the top of the Rock." **

Mary smiled, **"Sounds like fun, let's go."**Mary decided to let go of her Federal Agent persona and just be another tourist in New York.

Alex led her inside and went to the ticket booth to pick up a pair of tickets. They were taken to an elevator and along with all the other tourists, they rode up to the observation deck. Alex stepped out and smiled when she felt the sun on her face. She inhaled the scent of New York and exhaled, **"Ahhh, how I've missed this."**

Mary just grinned as she watched Alex revel in the crisp air. She turned to look out at the city and was amazed at the sight. Even without the iconic twin towers that shed seen in almost every movie set in New York prior to was 2001, the view was breathtaking. Mary kept her eyes on the skyline as she said, **"Well, you're here now..."** Then she turned to Alex,** "How you proceed from here is up to you Alex. I hope you make the most of the second chance you're being given." **

**"I intend to,"** Alex said. She walked over and peered out at the city, her city. **"I'm sure you're wondering why I brought you here instead of the Empire State Building. This is much quieter and it's closer to Central Park. Offers a better view of the north end of the island, which is where I've spent most of my adult life."**

Mary nodded, **"So this place has sentimental value to you. I like that...it's a part of you."** Mary smiled at Alex, **"You should bring Kate here, show her who you really are, let her decide for herself if she can love 'Alex Cabot' as much as she loved 'Vicky Harrison,' you know what I mean?"**

**"That's a good idea. Maybe once I track her down I can plan something special. I have so much I have to get done before I can even start looking for her, but I want to be settled when I do find her. I want to be able to invite her over and have a quiet talk together."**

Mary just smiled. She could understand where Alex was coming from. She wanted to be on an even level with Kate. Mary took out her cell phone, opened the camera, and began taking pictures of the view. Then she turned to Alex, **"Can I get one of you with the skyline behind you, sort of a success story type of thing?"**

Alex blushed but nodded, **"Sure. Right here?"**She had downtown behind her since it offered more of the iconic landscape that people were used to seeing.

Mary smiled, **"That's perfect. Hold still."** Mary snapped a picture and then lowered the camera phone. **"Thanks."**

Alex chuckled, **"Anytime. I'm glad I can be one of your success stories."** She gazed downtown and smiled. All of it was real. She spent about half an hour up there with Mary and then said, **"Do you want to go down to the gift shop? Pick up some souvenirs?"**

Mary looked at Alex, **"Are you sure you're ready to leave this spot? I don't mind if you maybe need a little more time."**Mary didn't want Alex to feel rushed in this moment, plus she was enjoying herself just watching the blonde's reactions.

**"Well...maybe a few more minutes,"**she said with a grin that made her look like she was five years old. She liked seeing the city rushing by down below while she was standing so still. She could just think of her and Kate being up on that roof together, Alex nervous because she was planning to ask Kate to marry her. She could see it all: the ring, the pink of the sky as the sun was setting, the look on Kate's face just before she said yes, and then the two of them kissing to seal the moment.

Mary smiled, **"Take your time Alex."**

After she finished putting the finishing touches on her fantasy, she took one last deep breath and said, **"Okay, I'm ready now." **

Mary smiled and turned to leave but then turned back to Alex, **"Ok, lead the way.**

Alex laughed and said, **"Come on."**She led the agent to the elevator and stepped in when the doors opened. The decent was quick, as was the way with New York elevators. Alex could never seem to get over how slow elevators in other places were. When they reached the bottom, she and Mary walked to the NBC store so that Mary could look around for some things to take back to New Mexico with her.

Mary followed Alex into the NBC store and looked around. She noticed Alex had wandered off a little bit and she decided not to trail her, opting to look around at all the merchandise from the various NBC shows on her own. She was walking around, not paying total attention to what she was looking at when she saw a t-shirt that made her grin. She walked closer to it and noticed a few shirts next to it. Mary picked up a black shirt that read "Team Jillian" and a blue shirt that read "Team Bob" and decided that her mom and her sister would like them. They both loved watching _The Biggest Loser_.

Mary kept walking and found a coffee mug with the logo for The Office on it and picked that up for Stan, her boss. She was wondering what to get for Marshall when Alex found her again.

**"Looks like you've gotten some nice stuff there. Did you want to look around a little more?"**

Mary grinned, **"Yeah a few things, all I'm missing is something for Marshall and I'll be all set." **

**"Great, take your time, Im just going to pick up one little thing. Ill be right back."**She smiled and then headed off in a different direction.

Mary watched her walk off and she shook her head. She seemed a little like a kid in a candy store. Mary turned her head and she saw a sweatshirt with the logo for Marshall's favorite show, _Friends_. Mary grinned, she knew it would be perfect for him so she found one in his size.

Alex quickly picked out a little something for Mary and checked out so that the other woman wouldn't see what she'd bought. When Mary was finished making her purchase, Alex met back up with her and said, **"I guess we should be getting back to the hotel. I'm sure you have plans for the evening."**

Mary saw that Alex had a small bag and while she was curious, she figured that the blonde had found something for Kate. Mary wasn't the type to pry when she didn't have to so she let it go. **"Um, actually it's just going to be me, some room service, and the TV. What about you, any plans for the city tonight?"**

**"No, not really. I thought maybe I'd just stay in, but we could always do something if you don't feel like staying at the hotel..."**

They were walking out of the building when Mary had an idea, **"Actually, I'm kind of in the mood to find a bar and have a drink. Just relax and take in the natives of this strange place."**Mary's voice took on a humorous tone.

Alex nodded, **"I can arrange for that. We can go change and I'll show you a night out on the town."**

**"Sounds like a plan."**Mary walked with Alex back to their hotel, requesting that they walk so she could really see the city. The blonde had said it was a bit of a walk but she gave in when Mary asked nicely, even saying please.

* * *

><p>The two days following Alex's psych appointment and their trip to Rockefeller Center flew by and before she knew it, it was time for Mary to fly back to Albuquerque. Earlier that morning, Mary had taken Alex to Manhattan Bank and Trust and had the blonde sign all the necessary paperwork to transfer her assets from the dummy account to a new account in Alex's name. Within two hours, Alex Cabot was financially independent once again. The only thing she had left to do was take a drive up to the house in Amherst to see what, if any, repairs needed to be made to the property. One thing she did know was that she wanted all of the beds to be replaced, but shed take care of that after dropping Mary off at the airport.<p>

Once again, Alex got a gate pass and they sat at the gate to wait for the plane to start boarding. Mary turned to look at Alex after a few moments of silence, **"Alex, I am very impressed with how well you've adapted back into your old life."**Mary was smiling as she said it, truly proud of the blonde woman sitting next to her.

**"I've been waiting for this to happen for over a year. New York has always been my home and I'm grateful that I got a second chance."** She smiled at Mary and said, **"Thank you for being here to get me settled in. As independent as I like to think I am, it was really nice to have someone by my side to do all the things that needed to be done. Do you think, maybe some time, I can come visit you in New Mexico again?"**

Mary grinned, **"You can do anything you want to do now Alex so, yeah if you want to visit me you can...I'd like that."**Mary didn't think Alex would go back to New Mexico though...it would always be where she was trapped as someone else.

**"If all goes as planned, I'd like to take Kate there on our anniversary so that we can enjoy it again, only this time I can actually be myself,"**she said with a smile.

Mary smiled, **"That sounds like a very good idea. I hope you find her and that it all works out with her. You deserve to be happy now Alex, especially after everything you've been through."**

**"Thanks, Mary. I really appreciate that. I just hope that she can forgive me... I know it wasn't my choice to lie, but not everyone can get past it."**

Mary turned to look out the window at the tarmac for a moment before she turned back to Alex, **"If she loves you, if it's real, then she'll forgive you. It might not be easy, or immediate, but...it will happen."**Mary knew that Kate was a cop, and cops had an inside track to things that civilians didn't. Mary hoped that this knowledge would help Kate forgive Alex for the deception.

Suddenly a voice came over the PA system to announce her flight and her row was among the first called. Mary stood up,** "Well, it's time for me to leave and take the training wheels with me. Are you going to be ok?"**

**"Yeah, I'll be fine. Living at the hotel somehow makes life a bit more bearable, especially since I don't have to cook. It'll be harder when I get my own place. Wish me luck with that, by the way."** She hugged Mary and said, **"Have a safe trip and thank you for everything."**

Mary pulled out of the hug grinning. **"I have total confidence in you. Good luck with your girl. Take care of yourself Alex and stay away from the cartels ok?"**Mary joked.

**"Aye, aye,"**Alex said with a salute. She watched Mary as she disappeared onto the ramp and then made her way back outside to pick up a cab to go back to the hotel.

Mary boarded the plane and got comfortable. She was going to miss Alex Cabot but she was glad that the blonde was free to be herself again. She hoped Alex's Kate was the forgiving kind. Mary closed her eyes as the plane took off. She was heading home...a smile crept onto her face at the thought of being in her own bed later that night.

* * *

><p>A few days later, after giving things some serious thought, Alex decided that she wanted to give Jack McCoy a call and see if she could get a job with the DA's office again. She knew that private practice wasn't really for her and neither was being a public defender. She didn't like the idea of defending guilty people, so her only other option was asking McCoy for a job with his office. She planned to be smarter about things this time around and not let her job become her entire focus, not to mention that she missed her colleagues.<p>

She picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number and when prompted, she entered the extension for Jack's office. His secretary answered and Alex explained that she was a former employee looking to meet with the DA. The woman checked his calendar and scheduled her for Wednesday afternoon. Alex accepted and put the meeting into her phone. She was happy she had a few days to think things over so that she could approach Jack the right way. Tuesday night, she picked out a gray suit and light pink blouse with black stilettos and had a glass of wine to calm her down so that she could fall asleep and stay asleep through the night.

* * *

><p>When Jack McCoy heard that his 2 o'clock appointment was with Alex Cabot, he was surprised. He had thought the former ADA was gunned down in 2003, but she'd surfaced for a very publicized trial and he, along with the rest of the legal community in New York, was stunned but pleased to hear she was alive. Jack had heard the rumors that the cartel that wanted her dead was no longer a threat and there were whispers among the political elite of the city that Miss Cabot might return to Manhattan. Jack was looking forward to seeing Alex and finding out why she wanted to talk to him. He couldn't imagine that after what she went through she would want to return to the DA's office, even though she would be a very welcomed addition.<p>

McCoy was in his office waiting for Connie Rubirosa to finish the 441 motion that she and Executive DA Michael Cutter were seeking in their latest case, when his secretary buzzed him to tell him that Alex Cabot was in the lobby waiting to see him. McCoy told her to let her in and he sat up straighter as he waited. Alex walked in and smiled when she saw Jack. He had always been a great resource for her when she needed help with a case and she was thrilled that he had been elected DA in her absence. **"Jack, it's great to see you,"**she said, walking over to give him a hug.

Jack returned the hug then motioned for Alex to sit down. He sat behind his desk and smiled, **"Alexandra Cabot, as I live and breathe. This is quite the surprise, you look remarkably well for a ghost."** Jack's smile and affable tone revealed he was **"What brings you to these 'hallowed halls' Alex?"**

Alex got comfortable in the soft leather chair and crossed one leg over the other, **"Well, as unbelievable as this is going to sound, I'm here to apply for a job..."**

Jack looked at the blonde for a few moments, **"You're not serious. You actually want to come back here?" **

**"Yes, but as you can imagine, I would like to avoid working with my old unit. I just don't feel comfortable with SVU anymore,"**she said, though there were more reasons than she was letting on, namely Olivia.

Jack looked at the blonde for a few moments. **"That's too bad, SVU seems to have had a run of bad luck with their ADAs lately. Casey Novak had her license suspended for a year and then we brought in a rookie named Greylek who seems to be having a hard time fitting in with the squad. Im sure they wouldnt mind it if you came back, but I can respect your decision not to return.** Jack said with a smile. He paused for a moment as he looked at his roster to see where else there was an opening.** "Well, we are happy to take you back but there are only two openings for ADAs right now. One is in Appeals and the other is with the 12th Precinct's Homicide Division."**Homicide was such a big division of the DAs office that it was divided up by precincts to make the caseload easier to manage.

Alex thought about her two options and decided that Homicide seemed like the lesser of two evils. She hated Appeals with a passion and even though Homicide could be gruesome, she would be working with detectives and doing what she had done with SVU, just without the living victims. She looked at Jack and said, **"I'd like Homicide."**

Jack grinned, **"I figured you would. In that case, welcome back to the team Alex. I'll call Human Resources and tell them to expect you tomorrow to get the paperwork started so you can come back. You'll start on Monday. The Captain at the 12th is Roy Montgomery, you might want to meet with him first thing on Monday and, um, get acquainted."** Then he paused a moment before he said, **"Ill see what I can do about getting you your old office back...unless you want a different one..."**Jack realized that maybe her old office would have too many memories lingering and shed prefer a fresh start in that department too.

**"Actually, I wouldn't mind something new, if that's ok,"**she said. She didn't want that old office, again, for many reasons. She needed a change of pace and a new office would definitely be welcomed.

Jack nodded,** "No problem. I can't guarantee it'll be ready by Monday but I'll do my best. If you have to, you can always use one of the interrogation rooms at the precinct until I have your office sorted."** Jack paused for a moment as he thought of how to ask Alex what he was thinking without overstepping his bounds. **"Um, Alex, have you um...have you called anyone from the Special Victims Unit? To let them know you're back in New York I mean. From what I remember, you were a fairly tight-knit group before you...went away and you might not want them to find out you're back through the press, or do you?"**

**"I haven't contacted them, no. I think I just need a little bit of time to get settled in before I call. I'd appreciate it if you would keep all this quiet. I don't want them to know that I've been assigned to the 12th precinct."**

Jack nodded, **"I'll keep a lid on it for as long as I can but Alex, you should be realistic here. You essentially, came back from the dead, there's going to be some press, so you should prepare for that."** Before he could say more, there was a knock on his door and his secretary popped her head in, **"Sorry Mr. McCoy but Mr. Cutter and Ms. Rubirosa are waiting for you in the conference room, along with Mr. Davidson and his new attorney Mr. Langan."**

Jack nodded and she left the room. He turned to Alex, **"I'm sorry to cut this short but I think Davidson's about to take a deal and he made it clear he won't talk unless I'm there."**

**"Of course. Thank you again for everything Jack. I'll take the weekend to consider my return strategy. Good luck,"**she said and then left his office.

Jack watched her go and sighed, she was going to have a rough road for a bit as she settled back into the job and dealt with the press but he knew she would handle it with grace. Jack went to the conference room to deal with Davidson and Langan.

* * *

><p>Alex returned back to the hotel and started to think about how and when she was going to tell her old friends that she was home. It wasn't going to be easy, that much she knew, but she figured she'd have a flash of brilliance and come up with some way to make it less painful.<p>

TBC...


	11. Uncle Bill & Kevin

**Chapter 11: Uncle Bill and Kevin**

Later that evening, Alex was sitting in her hotel room and thought about calling her Uncle Bill to see if he was going to be busy during the weekend. She thought it would be a good idea to sit down to dinner with him and his family and let them know that she was home. They were all she had left of her mother's family and she didn't want them to find out via the press that she had returned from witness protection. She picked up the phone and called his office, figuring that he'd still be there working.

Judge Bill Harriman was in his chambers at the courthouse reading the latest motion the defense had submitted for the Cuddy case. He was halfway through the first page of the motion when his phone rang. His secretary had gone home a few hours ago so he cleared his throat and picked up the phone.

**"Judge Harriman's phone."**Bill said in a gruff voice, pretending to be someone else. It was something he did to mess with anyone who would dare call him so late. His wife already knew not to call after a certain hour.

**"Uh, hi, I'm trying to get in touch with Judge Harriman. I'm his niece, Alexandra Cabot, is he in?"**she asked with some confusion. It sounded like her uncle but then again, it had been so long since she'd talked to him that maybe she remembered wrong.

Bill Harriman was struck dumb. He knew that voice, so there was no way it was someone playing a sick joke. He knew he was talking to his niece Alex...the one whom the whole family thought was dead, until she popped up for the Connors trial. Problem was, she vanished before even he could see her. Bill took a breath and, in his regular voice said, **"This is Bill Harriman, Alexandra is this really you?"**

**"Yes, it's me Uncle Bill. I'm home, for good this time. I was just calling to see if you and the family are busy this weekend. I'd like to go out to dinner with all of you."**

Bill felt tears come to his eyes as he listened to his favorite niece's voice. Alex's mother, his sister, had died thinking Alex was dead and Bill wished she could've lived long enough to see that her daughter was still alive. Bill sighed, **"Well Beth is dragging me to this book launch party for one of her clients on Friday night, but we're free Saturday night."**

**"A book launch? For what author?"**When she heard the words "book launch" she immediately thought about Richard Castle.

Bill thought for a moment, he wasn't exactly a fan of the writer but he'd read a few of his books. He was going mostly because it was important to his wife, but also because the mayor had said he'd be there and had asked him to make an appearance, said there was something he wanted to talk about.** "Um...some mystery writer, very popular... um... Richard Castle. The new book is called _Heat Wave_."**Bill's memory came through at the last second.

Alex nearly fell off the bed. She couldn't believe her luck. **"Um, Uncle Bill, I know this is going to be a huge favor to ask, but is there any way you could swing an extra ticket? I'm a huge fan of his..."**She crossed her fingers and hoped that he'd say yes.

That was a bit of a surprise to Bill.** "You are? The last book I saw you reading was published in the 1800s Alex. But I think I can get you a ticket, on one condition."**

**"Anything,"**she said, her voice filled with excitement.

Bill smiled; he remembered Alex's habit of blindly agreeing to any condition if it meant getting what she wanted. He liked that about his niece, she wasn't afraid of much. **"You have to come by the house before the party for a drink and some family time, then ride to the party with us, deal?"**

She smiled, **"Deal. What time does the party start?"**

Bill chuckled, **"Just be at the house by 6 and I'll take care of everything, ok?"**Bill was already thinking of the third ticket that was in his desk at home. It was originally intended for his daughter, Janice, but she'd been called out of town for a business deal so it was going to go unused until Alex called. Bill felt no guilt about his deception.

**"Thank you, thank you, thank you Uncle Bill. You have no idea how much this means. I'll see you Friday at six,"**she said and then hung up. She got up off the bed and did a mini victory lap around the room. Never had she been so happy, well, not since she and Kate were together last year.

* * *

><p>It was about a quarter to six when Alex arrived at her Uncle's townhouse. She stepped out of the car and walked up the steps to the front door. She rang the bell and waited, smiling when a young woman opened the door.<p>

**"You must be Ms. Cabot,"** the young lady said with a smile. **"Please, come in." **

**"Thank you,"**Alex said. She assumed this woman must be hired help, though when a little boy came zipping into the foyer, she realized that the woman must be the nanny.

The little boy ran around Alex, almost causing her to trip, and said, **"Hi cousin Alex! I'm Kevin!" **

He stuck out a chocolate covered hand to introduce himself and he had a matching chocolate covered grin. Alex smiled politely and carefully took the boy's hand so she wouldn't get dirty, **"Hi Kevin. Is your Grandpa Bill in the living room?"**

He nodded and gripped her hand, dragging her into the other room. Alex figured he had to be about four. The last time she saw Janice in 2004, she was just engaged, so she'd never met her little cousin. Kevin let go of her hand and pointed, **"There he is!" **

Alex smiled and looked down at her now grubby hand, **"Thank you, Kevin."**

Bill looked up at the sound of his youngest grandson entering the room. He smiled when he saw Alex was with him. He stood up from his armchair and walked over to his long lost niece. **"Alexandra, you look wonderful, come here."**He held out his arms for a hug.

Alex smiled and hugged her uncle, careful to keep her dirty hand off of his tux. **"Hi Uncle Bill, it's good to see you again."**

Bill pulled away and saw Alex's chocolate smeared hand, chuckling, **"I see Kevin marked you."** Bill looked down at his grandson who was standing a few feet away just watching them. **"Young man, why don't you go ask Susan to help you get cleaned up? Scoot!" **

Kevin giggled at his grandpa, then nodded and turned to leave the room but he stopped at the doorway and turned around, looking right at Alex,** "Don't go away, I'll be back, ok?"**Bill smiled at the boy's question. He looked at Alex to see how she would respond.

**"Ok, I'll stay right here, sweetie. Go get washed up,"**Alex said with a smile. It's not that she didn't like kids, she did. She even wanted to have one of her own someday if Kate felt the same, but she was also wearing a $700 dress and the last thing she wanted was chocolate stains on it when she met Richard Castle.

Bill watched as Kevin smiled so big it seemed to fill his whole face. The boy ran from the room in the direction of the kitchen with his nanny in tow. Bill turned to Alex, **"As for your little problem, I think I have something here."**Bill walked to the sideboard near the far wall and opened the top drawer.

He pulled out a box of wet wipes and handed it to Alex, **"Ah, here we are, these come in very handy sometimes." **

**"I'd imagine. Little kids can be messy,"** she said with a smile and plucked a wipe from the box. She wiped her hand and then tossed the sheet in the wastebasket. **"Is Aunt Beth still getting ready?"**

Bill smiled, **"Yes, she got out of work a little later than usual tonight, there was some sort of last minute emergency she had to deal with at work. Have a seat Alex, I want to hear about how you're adjusting to being back home."**Bill motioned to the other armchair that was across from his in front of the fire.

He went to the mini bar and poured himself a scotch. **"Can I pour you something?"**he offered.

**"Vodka and tonic, please,"** she said and then sat down. It felt cozy in front of the fire and she leaned against the back of the chair, careful not to mess her hair. **"Well, the one thing I have to say about being home is that it's a relief. I missed the city like you wouldn't believe. Small towns are too quiet for my liking."**

Bill poured the drinks and carried them to the chairs. He handed Alex her drink and then sat down. **"Yes, I imagine for a city girl like you, a small town would bore you to tears,"** Bill chuckled, then he sobered, **"Still, I'd rather you were bored in a small town than six feet under, you know what I mean?"** Bill looked down into his drink for a moment, **"I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty or anything but attending your funeral almost destroyed your mother. She wasn't the same after that day...I think she maybe even saw it as a relief when she got sick. Just before the pneumonia took her, her final words were that she was happy that she was going to be with her daughter again."** Bill looked back up at Alex, **"She went peacefully with a sweet smile on her face. I'm glad you're alive though; I've missed you at the courthouse. Petrovsky's had it a bit too easy these last few years."**Bill grinned, remembering how Alex and Lena would clash in the courtroom.

Alex took a sip of her drink, desperate to keep her tears away at the mention of her mother. She kept her eyes down and said,** "It almost destroyed me when I found out that she died. I couldn't help but think that if I had been here, maybe she would've fought harder-that she'd want to live for-"** She stopped. She couldn't choke out the rest of what she wanted to say and try as she might, a few tears did escape and streak down her cheeks. She took a breath and pushed them back, able to speak after taking another sip. **"I'm sure Lena will be shocked when I walk into her courtroom for arraignment. I'm like a bad penny, I just keep coming back,"**she said, managing a chuckle.

Bill smiled as he thought of the look on Lena Petrovsky's face when Alex walked into her courtroom. He would pay big money to see it. Before he could say that though, Kevin came running back into the room and made a beeline for Alex.

The young boy stood in front of Alex and smiled. **"You waited!"**

She smiled back, **"Yes, I did. All clean now?"**

Kevin nodded and held out his hands, **"Yup! See?"** The boy waved his hands at Alex for a moment then he lowered them and said, with the honesty that only little kids can pull off,** "You're prettier than your picture." **

Alex chuckled with embarrassment and blushed like a schoolgirl, **"Well, thank you. Did your grandpa show it to you?"**She didn't think that Kevin would even know who she was, let alone that she was pretty.

Kevin shook his head, **"No, my mommy has it at home. She tol' me that you were..."** Kevin paused a moment to remember the word his mom had used, **"away..."** Kevin frowned at that thought then he smiled big, **"but you camed back! Mommy's going to be happy!" **

**"I can't wait to see her,"** Alex said. **"Maybe I can come over to your house sometime, would you want that?"**

Kevin smiled really big, **"Yeah! I could show you my toys! And you can meet my daddy too! He's really cool!"** Kevin frowned a bit and then asked,** "Do you have a boyfriend? If you do, you can bring him too, he can talk to my daddy while I show you my toys!" **

Bill was watching the exchange between Alex and his grandson and it made him smile. The boy was at that age where he was curious about the world and asked a lot of questions to learn about it. When he asked about Alex's boyfriend, though, Bill wondered how Alex would answer. He'd known for years that Alex was gay and he didn't have a problem with it because he loved Alex no matter what. Bill opened his mouth to say something to change the subject but he was silenced by what he saw in Alex's eyes. He realized that she wanted to answer the question so he sat back and waited to see what she would say.

**"Well, honey, I don't have a boyfriend. You see, there are all different types of people in this world and some of them are what we call gay. Gay means that a girl likes another girl or a boy likes another boy. I don't have a boyfriend because I'm gay, do you understand?"**she asked, looking at him to see if he was following her.

Kevin was silent for a long time, thinking about what Alex had said. After a few minutes he turned to his grandpa and said,** "Like Susan and Wendy?" **

Bill smiled and nodded, **"Yep like Susan and Wendy."** Kevin's nanny was a lesbian who was in a long-term relationship with a Pediatric Surgeon named Wendy. Kevin turned to look at Alex and smiled, **"Cool, what's her name?"**

Alex couldn't decide how to answer him. She still thought of Kate as her girlfriend, but theyd been apart for a year and she didn't know if things were going to work out once Kate found out the truth. She realized that even if things didn't work out, Kevin wouldn't care. People broke up all the time. **"Her name is Kate. She's a very wonderful woman."**

Kevin smiled, **"That's a pretty name...is she pretty too?"**Kevin stepped closer and put his hand on the arm of the chair. He looked up at his pretty blonde cousin as he waited for her answer.

Alex scooped the boy up, the dress be damned. She could tell that he wanted to be close to her and she was more than happy to make that happen. She nodded, **"She's beautiful. She is tall like me but her hair is brown and so are her eyes. She has pretty tan skin and she's very sweet."**

Kevin rested his head on Alex's shoulder as she described Kate. He looked up at her when she was done and asked, **"Will you bring her with you when you come over?"**Kevin had spent the last year hearing about his cousin Alex from his mom. In the way that only little kids could, he had known that his mommy really missed and loved her cousin.

Alex ruffled his hair and said, **"Sure, kiddo. I'll ask her, but it might be a while ok? I'm going to be very busy for a while since I just got home. But I promise that Kate is going to love you."**

Bill watched Alex with Kevin and he loved how great she was with him. He wondered to himself if Alex had any desire to have a child of her own one day. Right then, Beth Harriman entered the room and smiled when she saw her grandson sitting in her niece's lap. **"Alexandra, it is so good to see you."**

**"Hi Aunt Beth, you look beautiful,"** Alex said with a brilliant smile. She picked up Kevin and walked over to hug her aunt. **"I've missed you."**

Beth hugged her niece and smiled at the sight of her holding Kevin.** "Thank you darling. I've missed you too. I see Kevin has claimed you as his own."**Beth turned to Bill and winked.

**"It seems so,"** Alex said.** "He's absolutely adorable."**She kissed him on the cheek and then set him down but kept hold of his hand.

Kevin smiled as he held Alex's hand. He was glad that she hadn't tried to let him go just cause the grownups were here. Bill watched his grandson's face and realized the boy had a tiny crush on Alex. Beth noticed it too but she didn't say anything.** "Well, I hate to tear you away from each other, but the party will be starting soon and we should get going." **

Alex carefully knelt down and smiled at the little boy, **"I have to get going now with your Gran and Grandpa, but I promise I'll come by to visit ok? Give me a hug."**She embraced the little boy and then scooted him off to his nanny.

Bill watched his grandson leave with a smile on his face. The hug, with the promise that Alex would visit him again, had left the boy in a happy mood. Bill turned to Alex, **"Alex, I think you just got yourself a new little admirer."**Bill chuckled.

**"He's a sweetheart. Janice is very lucky,"**she said. She could imagine her and Kate with their little boy or girl, a sweet little kid just like Kevin filled with curiosity and awe and none of the weight of the world on their shoulders yet.

Bill and Beth both beamed with pride and love. **"Yes he is such an adorable kid. He's our youngest grandchild. Janice is upstate right now for work and his father works for one of the companies downtown, so he goes on several business trips every year. Were keeping Kevin with us while his parents are away,"**Beth explained. Then she reminded them that they had to leave.

Bill ushered them out to the car that he'd hired for the night so none of them would have to worry about drinking and driving. They settled into the back seat car but before they drove away, Alex looked back at the house and saw Kevin in the window watching them leave, the sadness on his face over watching Alex go, tore a little at her heart. She made a promise to herself that shed come by to see him again soon.

TBC...


	12. Nikki Heat Launch Party

**Chapter 12: Nikki Heat Launch Party**

Alex was standing in line to meet Richard Castle so that she could have him sign the novel that Kate had left behind in her care almost a year ago. _Between Heaven and Hell_was an extremely rare find and Alex only found out exactly how rare when she went online to cruise sites that sold rare and out of print books.

Getting it signed would not only add to its value, but it would make it personal for Kate and Alex felt it was only fitting that she be the one to do it. The blonde was dressed in cocktail attire: a gorgeous low-cut purple dress that cinched at the waist and hugged her hips before falling down to her knees. She had on a pair of black Manolos and her hair was loosely curled in ringlets that fell down just below her shoulders. Her eyes were a smoky gray with purple highlight, which made her blue eyes appear darker in hue. All in all, she looked amazing and she hoped it would be enough to charm Mr. Castle.

* * *

><p>Rick Castle was in his element. Sure he loved chasing down criminals with Detective Beckett, but like any artist, his true joy came from the adulation of the masses and tonight was no exception. Rick loved the spotlight and while he was torn between writing a second Nikki Heat novel, which would keep him working with Kate Beckett, and taking over the James Bond franchise, for tonight, he could put that out of his head for a bit and focus on his fans.<p>

Rick looked up from the cleavage he'd just finished signing and was caught in the dark blue gaze of a very beautiful blonde. Rick smiled and turned on the charm, **"Hello there, what's your name, beautiful?"**

**"I'm Alex, it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Castle. I'm new to your work, but I must say that I've thoroughly enjoyed it,"** she said with a charming smile. She held out the book she was holding and asked, **"Would you mind signing this for a very close friend of mine?"**

Rick smiled, **"Well, Alex, it's always great to meet a new fan."** Rick reached for the book in her hand expecting to see the now familiar _Heat Wave_ cover. He was surprised when he saw that it wasn't _Heat Wave_but rather a copy of his first book.

_Between Heaven and Hell_ wasn't a well-known title, only really hard-core fans even knew about it. Rick looked up at Alex, **"Wow, this brings back memories. Only true fans even know about it. Where did you find this?"**

**"A bookstore out west. My friend and I were walking by when she spotted it in the window and of course she had to have it. She's the one who got me hooked, so I wanted to come and get this signed for her as a surprise,"**she said with a grin.

Rick kept his smile in place and said,**"Well you both have great taste in books. Whom should I make it out to, you or your friend, or both?"**

Rick would've asked this woman out but there was something about her that stopped him. She was beautiful, well spoken, and definitely single if the lack of a wedding band was any indication but there was something about the way she spoke about her friend that raised a red flag. He decided to tone his flirting down, but he still smiled and worked his charm as he got down to business.

**"To her, please. I'm planning to get my own copy of _Heat Wave_ signed later,"** she said trying to flatter him and keep things flowing.** "Her name's Katherine with a K..."**She thought it would look more elegant on the page if she used Kate's full first name.

Rick smiled and opened the book to the title page. He raised his pen and wrote, _'To Katherine, The best things we can cling to between heaven and hell are good friends and really good books. Don't let either of them go. Love, Rick Castle.'_

Rick liked to make each book he signed personal instead of just writing his name on a page. Rick closed the book and handed it back to Alex.** "There you go, and when you're ready for me to sign _Heat Wave_ just come find me,"**Rick winked.

**"I will. Thank you very much, Mr. Castle. I'll let you get back to the party now,"**she said and then headed off in the direction of the bar to get a glass of wine. She took a seat and smiled to herself for a job well done. She slipped the book into her bag and sipped her wine while she looked around at the other guests, checking to see if she recognized anyone.

Rick watched her go and turned to the next person in line. He signed a few more books before he went over to a table off to the side to sit down. He sighed when he looked around and noticed Kate wasn't there yet and he wondered if she'd even show up at all. He knew she didn't exactly like all the publicity that surrounded Nikki Heat and she did whatever she could to avoid it whenever possible.

Tonight, however, it seemed like Kate was going to brave the sharks because no sooner had Castle finished his thought when he heard the paparazzi at the doors calling out, **"Hey, it's Nikki Heat!" **

* * *

><p>The party was in full swing by the time the limo that Castle had sent for Kate pulled up to the party. She hadn't wanted to use it but she'd caved in the end because it was easier than arguing about it.<p>

Kate had chosen a navy blue Herve Leger dress that reached mid-thigh and hugged her body like a glove. It had a decently low neckline that showed off a bit of cleavage and a triangle-shaped cut out in the back that basically prohibited the use of a bra. She'd accented the dress with a chain necklace, dangly earrings, and minimal make up.

Kate took a deep breath and stepped out of the limo and walked towards the entrance. The news media was out in full force and the flashbulbs going off in her face were a bit intimidating, but when one of them shouted, **"Hey, it's Nikki Heat!"**Kate just wanted to turn and run the other way. Of course she didn't and she made it past the cameras and into the party.

She wasn't comfortable with all that attention and so she looked around for a familiar face. She spotted her Captain and she smiled as she headed in his direction. The cameras didn't follow her thankfully and she was able to have a private conversation with her boss.

Captain Montgomery smiled as he walked up to Beckett. **"You clean up nice, Detective." **

Kate smiled, **"Thank you, sir." **

**"Castle's going to be happy to see you. Have you read the dedication?"**He knew the writer had a thing for Kate, everyone knew it, and the dedication was just more of a confirmation.

Kate was confused, **"No. What does it say?" **

Montgomery just smirked, **"Go see for yourself. Excuse me."**He left her to go talk to someone else.

Kate walked over to one of the towers of books and casually picked one up to look at the dedication inside.

On the other side of the room, Rick had spotted Kate and was about to walk up to her when his book agent, Paula, intercepted him. The conversation delayed him a bit, but it was worth it to find out he'd gotten the official offer for the Bond series. He made his way over to Kate then, unaware that someone else's eyes were already on the lovely detective.

Alex was leaning against the bar watching Kate, a smile on her face as she studied the look on the brunette's face as she looked over Castle's book. Alex couldn't believe how beautiful Kate looked in that gorgeous blue dress and her fondness for Castle's latest release reminded the blonde of that day in the bookstore when Kate had found the book that Alex now held in her hand. New or old, she treated Castle's books with equal respect and Alex felt her heart flutter.

When she noticed Castle walk up, however, something inside of her chest tightened. If their proximity was any indication, Kate and Castle knew each other and appeared friendly, a little too friendly. Alex watched them for several moments, a great fear gripping her that maybe Kate hadn't been as honest about her sexuality as Alex had believed and she'd somehow found a way to make her favorite author fall for her the same way Alex had.

* * *

><p>Rick slipped in beside Kate and said, <strong>"Hey."<strong>

Kate was startled from her thoughts and turned, flustered, to Castle, **"Hey, I...I was just..."** Kate paused, **"The dedication is...wow. Thank you."**For some reason, Kate found it difficult to admit to Castle that she loved his work...probably because she knew it would go right to his head and he'd take it to mean she was interested in him.

Rick grinned at seeing Kate flustered but sobered up when she thanked him. He felt the need to make it clear the dedication wasn't just words. **"I mean it, Kate. You _are_ extraordinary."**Rick caught Kate's gaze and held it for a moment.

For those few seconds, Rick saw the possibilities of what he and Kate could have together and it scared him a little. What would he do if things ended badly and he lost Kate from his life forever? He realized that he couldn't let himself go there because Kate's friendship was more important to him than taking a chance at romance with the brunette. He suddenly broke the silence and moved on to a safer topic, **"Listen, I was thinking...what if the wife got on to the affair?" **

**"Melissa Talbot, a killer?"**Beckett's tone betrayed her disbelief in that theory.

Despite her tone, Castle ran with it, **"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."**

Kate thought about it for a second and she had to admit that it did have some merit, **"Well, anything's possible. I didn't see it that way."**

Castle tried to joke it off, **"You're just saying that because you've never been scorned."**Castle's tone was confident, but slightly off hand.

Kate wondered if it was that obvious that she was feeling a bit...let down...by the current status of her love life.** "What makes you say that?"**

**"Oh, come on. What man has ever turned you away?"**Castle's tone implied that he thought he was giving a compliment.

Kate's mind went not to a man but to a woman: Vicky Harrison. They'd had two weeks of bliss, declared their love for one another, and then, after all of that, Vicky had only sent one brief e-mail before going silent for nearly a year. All in all, it was enough to make Kate feel pretty turned way. In Kate's opinion, that e-mail, coupled with the silence must've been Vicky's way of letting her go. She didn't like it, but there was very little she could do about it.

Kate decided to change the subject once again. She took a breath and said, **"So, any word on a certain British secret agent who shall not be named?"**Kate knew Castle was superstitious about saying Bond's name until the deal was done.

Castle raised his finger to his lips and then took a quick look around to make sure no one was listening in. When the coast was clear, he leaned in close to Kate's ear and said, **"I got the official offer."**

Kate couldn't believe it, **"Wow! Congratulations!" **

Castle demurred, **"Well, I haven't accepted it yet."**

**"But you're going to, aren't you?"**Kate knew this was a great opportunity for a writer like Castle. Plus if he was no longer tagging along on crime scenes, she might be able to admit that she was a hardcore fan.

Castle was a little confused, **"You think I should?"**He'd hoped Beckett would ask him to stay, even write another Nikki Heat book.

Kate played it off, not wanting to let Castle know she'd miss it if she didn't have him around. She didn't want to stand in the way of such a big opportunity. **"Yeah, I mean, is there a reason why you wouldn't?"**

Castle wanted to be sure,** "So you'd be okay if I didn't write another Nikki Heat story?"**

Kate gave a small laugh, **"Sure, why wouldn't I? It's not like I asked you to write the first one."**Kate tried to play it off, not wanting to get into a fight over Nikki Heat, but knowing it might be inevitable.

Castle was a little hurt, **"You know a lot of people would feel honored that someone would choose to write a book based on them."**He honestly thought that Kate secretly liked the idea of being the basis for Nikki Heat and was flattered that he'd picked her despite her insistence that the opposite was true.

_Was he serious?_ Kate shook her head and scoffed, **"You expect me to feel honored?"**

**"Yeah."**

**"Castle, do you have any idea how much grief I've had to put up with over this Nikki Heat thing?"**It was hard enough for her to be taken seriously as a cop because she was a woman, but then Nikki Heat was born and suddenly Kate had to work twice as hard to earn the same respect as her male counterparts. To put it lightly, she hated it.

**"Gee I'm sorry."**Castle's tone was unapologetic and a little sarcastic.

Kate was frustrated now and a little upset too, **"I'm not asking you to be sorry. I'm just..."** Kate didn't know how to finish that thought so she started a new one, **"Just do whatever you want. That's what you always do anyway."**

Suffice it to say that things quickly got out of hand between the two of them and by the end of it Castle only had one thing left to say. **"You know what? I'm sorry that you've suffered so much because of me, but I'm glad I know how you feel. I wasn't sure how I was going to say this because I didn't want to hurt you, but the simple fact is, there isn't enough depth to the character, so I'm not planning to write anymore Nikki Heat novels."**Of course he was lying, but he was so upset that he just wanted to hurt her feelings as much as she'd hurt his.

Naturally, Kate saw right through his act and replied, **"Oh, there's plenty of depth to the character. She just needs a better writer to tap into that."**She knew that she was hitting below the belt, but she was so pissed that she just didn't care.

Rick absorbed the blow as Kate stared him down but rather than let it get any more out of control, they both decided to walk away and cool off for a little while.

Castle headed to the table where his mother and daughter were sitting and enjoying the party. Alexis and his mom always managed to cheer him up.

Kate headed to the bar for a drink; she definitely needed one after that exchange. Kate ordered an apple martini and stood at the end of the bar to nurse her drink while she tried to calm down.

* * *

><p>She was so absorbed by her thoughts, both of Castle's imminent departure from her life and the memory of Vicky's e-mail and how the silence that followed had broken her heart, that she didn't notice it when someone sat down next to her.<p>

Alex could barely contain her smile. She had seen her walk away from Richard Castle looking very irritated and that's when Alex knew that he stood no chance with her girl. She watched Kate for a few moments as the brunette sipped her drink and when she couldn't stand it anymore, she decided to break the silence, **"You look beautiful..."**

Kate rolled her eyes and was about to read this woman the riot act when her eyes landed on a painfully familiar face and her voice completely abandoned her. She just stared, open-mouthed, at the one woman she'd prayed for almost a year to see again. It was Vicky.

Kate stood there doing a damn good imitation of a fish before her senses returned to her. She narrowed her eyes, closed her mouth, and then quickly turned around to march to the ladies room. She couldn't handle seeing Vicky, not then, not so soon after her fight with Castle and being reminded that the blonde had, in essence, abandoned her.

Kate stood at the sink in the ladies room, her hands on the counter bracing her, as her head hung down. She was trying to take deep breaths to calm herself, but the panic suddenly returned when she heard the door swish open. She closed her eyes and waited for Vicky's familiar voice.

**"Kate?"** Alex asked softly as she walked into the bathroom. She walked over to the brunette and lowered her eyes, **"Kate, please, look at me... please?"**She knew that Kate would be upset, but she needed to look into those brown eyes and explain why she'd been so silent.

Kate took a deep breath and then lifted her head to face Vicky. She arched her eyebrow and stood silently, waiting to see what the blonde had to say. In that moment, Kate decided she wasn't going to make it easy for Vicky to win her back. She was going to make her work for it.

**"I am so sorry..."** she said, her blue eyes locking with Kate's. **"I know you must hate me after almost a year of silence, but you have to believe me when I tell you that I have a very good reason for why it happened."**

Kate thought about that and replied in a low voice, **"I don't hate you, Vicky, but I can't imagine there's a good reason for cutting off the person you claimed to love for almost a year...for breaking someone's heart."**

Immediately the tears came to Alex's eyes, **"I didn't mean to break your heart, Kate. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you; I swear on my mother's grave, I wouldn't. Please, let's go somewhere and talk. I need to tell you everything."**

Kate almost caved when she saw Vicky's eyes tear up. She didn't want to be the cause of this woman's pain, but then she remembered all those nights she'd cried over Vicky and she straightened her spine. The restroom was empty so she went to the door and locked it.

She turned to face the blonde, **"Tell me now. Give me one good reason why I should go anywhere with you and we'll leave. If you can't, I'm walking out alone."**

Alex took a deep breath and then gazed deeply into Kate's eyes again, **"Because the woman you met in New Mexico and the woman you're standing with right now, they're two different people. When I was there, I was being protected by the federal government from a cartel here in New York City that wanted to kill me..."**

Kate looked at Vicky as she thought about what she was telling her and she realized it kind of made sense. Vicky had never really talked about herself during those two weeks, but Kate hadn't thought anything of it at the time. Suddenly something clicked in her mind and Kate asked in a hushed tone, **"If that's true then, who are you, really? I mean was everything that happened during those two weeks a lie?"**Kate felt her heart crack a bit wider at the thought that she had fallen for an illusion.

**"My name is Alexandra Cabot. I was an Assistant District Attorney before I was put into the program. I was moved to New Mexico after I came back to testify against the man who shot me and given a new identity. And no, not all of it was a lie. I was honest about everything that I could be honest about. The only lies were the ones I had to tell."**

Kate thought about that for a moment. **"Alexandra Cabot. You're a lawyer?"**Kate knew there were more important things to focus on but those things were too heavy at the moment. Instead she focused on something mundane.

**"Yes, a prosecutor. I worked with Manhattan SVU for four years before I was sent away. I've been with the DA's office for a while longer."** She gave Kate some time to absorb everything and then asked,** "So, will you come with me so that I can finish explaining everything?"**

Kate took that in, recognizing the department the blonde had mentioned. SVU was the sex crimes unit and she knew from what she'd heard that it was a tough unit. Live victims and broken women. Kate took a breath and asked, **"Where did you have in mind?**

**"There's a coffee shop near here. It should be quiet this time of night, especially with the party."**

Kate smiled, **"Let's go then."** Kate unlocked the door and opened it, allowing the blonde to exit first. Kate followed her out and they walked back into the party, but before Alex could take more than three steps towards the exit, Kate remembered the photographers at the front doors and grabbed the blonde's bicep, **"Um, Vic-Alex, let's go this way."**Kate began leading Alex out the main room and over to a side exit.

Alex smiled and went with Kate, the feel of the other woman's hand on her arm comforting as they made their escape. They walked up to a cab that was waiting by the curb and got in. Alex told the driver where to go and within a couple of minutes, they were outside the cafe. Alex paid the driver and held out her hand for Kate. They went inside and instantly every eye in the place was on them. Alex blushed, **"I forgot, we're in formal wear..."**

Kate grinned, **"Don't worry about it, this is New York, no one will care in a minute."** Sure enough the few people in the place soon went back to their business as the ladies headed for the counter. Kate ordered two white hot chocolates with whipped cream and paid the girl behind the counter before they went to a table in the corner. The lady said she'd bring the drinks to their table, so Kate went to sit down and waited for Alex to join her. Once she was seated, Kate said, **"Sorry about the sneaky exit from the party but the photographers at the front door make me uncomfortable."**

**"It's ok, I know exactly what you mean. I used to hate being mobbed outside of the courthouse, but eventually I just learned to keep on walking."** She again looked at Kate, **"I meant what I said at the party. You look beautiful."**

Kate felt herself blush against her will. **"Thank you."** The she cleared her throat and continued, **"But don't think you can compliment your way out of this hole you dug for yourself. You still have some explaining to do."**Kate was determined not to give in too easily to this woman and her beautiful blue eyes and gorgeous smile.

**"I wouldn't want it any other way,"** she said, partly joking, but partly serious. She didn't want Kate to make it easy for her because on some level she felt she deserved to fight for the woman she loved. Just as she was about to start, the barrista brought over their drinks and set them down before returning to the counter. Alex smiled, **"Just like the first time, huh?"**

Kate looked down at their drinks and remembered their first meeting at the club and then leaving to go to a cafe. She smiled, **"Yeah except this time I'm not as nave as I was then. I want the truth Alex, now please."**Kate needed to know if woman she had fallen for was the same as the woman that was sitting across from her. Kate was glad Alex hadn't asked any questions about why Kate was at the party and why she avoided the photographers. She wasn't ready yet to reveal her connection to Rick Castle and Nikki Heat.

**"Ok. When you came to New Mexico, I'd been there for a little over six months. I got the job at the gallery and they set me up in that house. I didn't have much that was really mine because every time you're moved, you leave practically everything behind. The photos, the movies, the books, those were all mine. I shopped around and did my best to make the place feel like home."** She stopped to take a breath and then trudged on, **"There were some things I told you that weren't true. My name, obviously, and where I was from. Anything having to do with New York and how I related was also untrue. But the other things, my affinity for Grace Kelly, loving the food in New Mexico, my love for you...all of that was real."**

Kate took that in, it seemed to make sense but there was something that bothered her, **"So, did you know that you would be returning to your life? Or did you make those promises of us being together here in New York, living together and being happy, knowing that you might be lying?"**

**"I didn't know 100% that I'd be coming home, but in my heart, I knew that I'd do anything to get back to you. Even if it meant risking my life, I couldn't let you go, Kate."**

Kate thought about that, then she got a bad feeling,** "Wait, are you still in danger? Did you leave witness protection before the threat was gone?"**Kate was suddenly scared that Alex had put her own life in danger to find her. While it had an air of romanticism, Kate knew she'd never want the woman she loved to risk her life for her.

**"No, I'm fine, honey. The threat is gone and I'm home for good. In fact, that's all I've been doing since I got back was getting settled into my old life. I'm looking for a place to live and trying to get a job...and trying to find you. It was a little hard without knowing your last name, you know,"**Alex teased.

Kate took that in. **"Um...how um...how long have you been back?"** Kate wanted to know how long Alex had waited before trying to find her...not that she had found her, per se. It was more like she'd stumbled onto her at the Nikki Heat party, which brought up another question, **"And why were you at the launch party? How did you even manage to get an invitation to the party?"**

**"I've been back a little over two weeks," ** she said without feeling bad about it. She had been looking for Kate, but she had no idea where to even start looking and she was grateful that she'd run into her at the party. She couldn't stand being away from her any longer.** "And I was at the launch party because I received an invitation. I...have connections..."**

Alex's cryptic answer of having 'connections' reminded Kate of Castle's typical smug answer of having 'a guy' in almost every corner of the city, and she rolled her eyes, **"Connections? Really?"**

**"Yes. My uncle is a judge and he happens to be very close to the Mayor. The Mayor is a huge Castle fan, so when my uncle asked him if he could swing a spare ticket, he gladly obliged."**

Kate rolled her eyes again as she thought, _"Great, the mayor, again."_ The mayor was the one who'd forced Castle on her in the first place. Kate took a sip of her hot chocolate before she said, **"Yeah I know all about His Honor's fetish for Castle. But why would you want to go to a launch party for one of Castle's books? Last time I saw you, you weren't a fan of his."** Kate paused,** "Or was that one of the things you had to lie about too?"**

**"No, I didn't lie about that. I wasn't a fan until you turned me on to him. I read through the book you gave me twice and I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised the first time around."**She reached into her bag and pulled out the book that Kate had left in her care and opened it carefully to take out Kate's letter.

Kate's eyes widened a little as she recognized the book and the envelope that Alex held in her hand.** "You...you kept them both, all this time?"**

Alex chuckled, **"Of course I did. Look at this envelope...I read it almost every night before I went to bed so that I could dream about you once I fell asleep." **

Then she opened the book to the dedication and said, **"This was the real reason I went to the party. I wanted Castle to sign it for you so that it would be yours forever. I hope you don't mind."**

Kate reached out and carefully took the book in her hands. She turned it around to read the inscription, _'To Katherine, The best things we can cling to between heaven and hell are good friends and really good books. Don't let either of them go. Love, Rick Castle.'_

She felt the tears well up in her eyes and she took a moment to appreciate the irony of the moment. Castle had, unwittingly, nudged her towards Alex. Kate looked up at the blonde and for the first time since she'd seen her at the party, Kate allowed herself to feel all the love she had for her in her heart. Kate had locked away her feelings for Vicky, or Alex, as a way of staying sane after that e-mail she'd gotten almost a year ago. It was the only way she could still function in her job. But now, she let it loose and realized that no matter what had happened in the past, no matter what lies or misconceptions had existed between them because of Alex's situation in Witness Protection, she still loved this woman and still wanted a life with her. Kate smiled as she leaned forward and, without a word, pressed a light kiss to Alex's lips. It was brief but it was enough for Kate to know that it would be just the beginning. Kate smiled as she pulled away, **"Of course I don't mind, it's a beautiful gesture Alex."**

**"No matter what the situation, my love for you is the most real thing in the world, Kate. Nothing in heaven or on earth is going to stop me from loving you."** She took the brunette's hand and squeezed it tightly, **"It was like my world stopped when you had to come back and all I did during that time was survive. I had to so that I could get back to you."**

Kate smiled and, seeing they had finished their drinks, she said, **"I love you too Alex. I never stopped loving you. What do you say we get out of here and go somewhere more...private, where we won't stand out so much in this formal wear, okay?"**

**"I think that sounds like an amazing idea,"**she grinned and stood up, following Kate outside.

Kate led Alex out to the street and then pulled out her cell phone. She made a call, only giving her name and the name and address of the cafe before hanging up the phone. She turned to Alex and said, **"It'll be a few minutes. In the meantime,"** Kate grinned and walked backwards to the wall of the cafe. She grinned at Alex and said, **"Come here?"**

Alex nodded and got very close to Kate, her heart racing the same way it did that night back in Santa Fe. She touched Kate's cheek and said, **"I love you."**

Kate smiled as she reached out and pulled Alex closer to her. She leaned forward and brought their lips together. Their kiss was like a cool glass of water after a long trek through the desert. Kate quickly lost herself and indulged in the passion she'd been missing for far too long.

Alex held onto Kate tightly, never wanting to let go just in case this was all a dream. She explored the familiarity of Kate's lips, her tongue, her mouth, and everything came flooding back to her. All the passion and desire was there and she was grateful that they were going someplace private because she needed Kate more than she needed her next breath.

In the middle of her haze, Kate dimly registered the honking of a horn. She reluctantly pulled away and glanced past Alex. The limo that Castle had booked for her for the night was sitting by the curb. The driver got out and stood by the rear passenger door.

Kate smiled and turned back to Alex, **"Our ride's here. Come on, let's go."** Kate neatly stepped aside and grabbed Alex's hand and led her to the limo. Kate nodded to the driver and she let Alex slide into the back seat. She turned to the driver and said in a low voice, **"Just take us back to my place ok?" **

The driver nodded and Kate got into the car. The door closed behind her and the driver went around to the front of the car.

Kate turned to Alex and slid closer, but before Alex could ask where they were going or why they were in a limo, Kate was kissing her again. Kate shifted and straddled Alex, settling into her lap as she put her hands on the back of the seat for balance. Kate slipped her tongue into Alex's mouth and tasted her again, moaning a little as she reacquainted herself with the familiar flavor.

Alex put her hands on Kate's back and touched her skin thanks to the cutout of the dress. The partition was safely up and the windows were darkly tinted, so Alex knew that anything they did would be perfectly safe. She hiked Kate's dress and lightly scratched the brunette's firm thighs while they kissed, her own body humming with anticipation.

Kate felt Alex's hands on her thighs and she felt herself get wet. She broke off the kiss and began running her lips down Alex's neck. Kate was happy to learn that the neck she'd loved to lick and kiss and suck still tasted the same. Kate pulled away for a moment and looked into Alex's eyes, **"Baby, I've missed you so much. I want you so bad. I want you in my bed, tonight, please?"**

Alex's eyes were dilated from the sheer pleasure of the moment and she nodded,** "You don't have to ask, Kate. There's no place else I want to be except where you are and there's nothing I want to do more than make love to you until you can't keep your eyes open any more."**

Kate grinned at Alex's response. She would've kissed her again but she felt the limo slow down then stop. Kate turned and looked towards the window. Despite the tint and it being dark outside, Kate clearly saw the neon sign of the bar that was next to her building. Kate sighed, **"Perfect timing, we're here. Come on baby, let's go inside and you can back up your words." **

Kate slowly climbed off of Alex's lap just in time for the driver to walk around and open the door. Kate stepped out and thanked him, letting him know she was in for the night so he was off duty. The driver nodded and then closed the car door after the blonde stepped out. He tipped his hat at the women then got back in the limo and drove away. **"Come on,"**Kate said with a smile as she grabbed Alex's hand again and led her into the building. She managed to get the door to her apartment open despite Alex's attempts to distract her.

Once they were inside, Alex took the kid gloves off and pursued Kate, wanting to get her naked and onto the bed as soon as humanly possible. She pinned the brunette against the wall and darted her hand under the dress while her lips attached to Kate's neck. She could feel her girlfriend's arousal through her panties and pulled back to smile, **"You're wet...good."** She was about to go back to kissing Kate's neck when a photo on the wall caught her eye. It was Kate and she was in police uniform. Slowly, Alex's hand stopped rubbing and she was almost frozen, **"Oh my God..."**

Kate was lost in the haze of her arousal. She began grinding her hips against Alex's hand, smiling when Alex began to rub her through her panties. She was on the verge of complete surrender when she felt Alex stop moving. She heard the blonde's shocked, **"Oh my God..."** and Kate fought through the haze to ask, **"What's wrong baby? Why'd you stop?"**

Alex pulled back and looked at her again, **"Are you a cop?"**The shock was clear on her face.

Kate frowned. The question was just so random. She cleared her throat and said, **"Um, I'm a detective actually, but yeah I'm a cop. Why?"**Kate didn't understand why Alex looked so shocked. Yeah, she hadn't told her but most people didn't react like that when they found out she was a cop.

Alex pulled away from Kate and went to find the couch. She felt dizzy and needed to sit down before she collapsed right there at Kate's feet. _How could this have happened?_Alex couldn't figure out how she hadn't realized or maybe...she did and that's what brought her closer to Kate. All she knew was that she had to take a minute to sort this out before they did anything.

Kate watched, puzzled, as Alex walked to the couch. The look on the blonde's face was something Kate usually saw when she had to tell someone that their husband or boyfriend was a serial killer. Kate got nervous and slowly walked over to the couch. She decided Alex needed some space so she sat down in the armchair.

Kate looked at Alex and asked, **"Alex, what's going on? Why do you look like I just told you I'm a serial killer who paints clowns in her spare time?"**Kate's attempt at levity seemed to fall short so she waited silently for Alex to respond.

**"You're a cop,"** she said quietly.** "A detective..."**

Kate nodded, **"Yeah..."**

**"Wow. Of all the things in the world I was expecting, this was the last..."**Alex said with a weak chuckle.

Kate was confused. She didn't see why it mattered that she was a cop. She remembered then that Alex had said she used to be an Assistant District Attorney before she was put into the witness protection program, maybe that was why she was having a problem with her being a cop. Kate figured that Alex must've had some bad experiences with the cops she had worked with when she was an ADA. Kate sighed, **"Alex, can you please tell me why the fact that I'm a cop is bothering you so much?"**Kate needed to know the truth.

Alex bit her lip and thought about the best way to tell her about Olivia. She mulled it over for a few minutes and then said, **"Well, I used to date a detective and...it ended very badly."**

That wasn't what Kate was expecting to hear and it surprised her that, just hearing about someone that Alex had dated, caused jealousy to eat at her stomach. Kate didn't like the thought of Alex being with someone else and she thought back to those two weeks in New Mexico, remembering all the little moments when she saw someone flirt with Alex or look at her in a certain way and how jealous she had felt.

Kate idly wondered if the relationship with this detective was ended by Alex going into Witness Protection, so she asked, **"Do you, um...do you still love this detective?"**

Alex struggled, **"Yes, but it's not...romantic love. We were friends first and I'll always have feelings for her, but I'm in love with you, Kate."**

Kate looked away then. While it thrilled her to hear that Alex was in love with her, she couldn't get past the thought that she still had feelings for her ex. Kate was scared that this detective would come back into Alex's life and steal her away...especially if the only reason they broke up was because Alex went into Witness Protection. Kate had to know, **"Why...um...why did you break up?"**

Alex sighed, **"Because she couldn't deal with who she was and I didn't want to be her dirty, little secret. I'm not saying that I expected her to come out on the Jumbotron in Times Square, but she couldn't even tell her closest friends."**

Kate nodded. She could understand the frustration that came with dating someone who wouldn't even come out of the closet long enough to tell her friends. Lanie was her best friend and she knew that Kate was gay, but she still liked to tease Kate about Castle's crush on her. Kate took it in stride because she knew Lanie was only messing with her.

Kate knew that if she ever told the guys about her sexuality they'd look at her differently for about an hour, but then they'd go about their business. Castle, on the other hand, would no doubt find hours of enjoyment teasing her with innuendo and crude jokes like a 12 year-old would do, and Castle often acted like a 12 year-old. But she knew that he would be fine with it once he got over his little crush. Kate turned to Alex and smiled, **"Well I don't know about a Jumbotron, but my best friend Lanie knows I'm gay and I even told her about you...before you sent me that e-mail."**

Alex grinned, **"Really?"**It made all the difference in the world to her that someone knew about her and Kate and that was enough. She got up off the couch and moved over to the chair to sit in Kate's lap.

Kate grinned up at Alex as she sat down on her lap, **"Yeah but um, after that e-mail and the silence, well...I should probably warn you that I spent many nights on Lanie's couch venting about the situation. You should be prepared for an icy reception if or rather when Lanie finds out you're back in my life."**Kate felt it was only fair to warn Alex that Lanie held more than just a little animosity towards the woman who had broken her best friend's heart.

**"I really pissed you off,"** she said, a statement, not a question. **"I don't blame you. If it had been me, I would feel the same. I did what I could, but my handler watched my every move. I was lucky to get that one e-mail out."**

Kate sighed, **"I understand now why you did what you did but then, yeah you pissed me off and you also really hurt me. And Lanie, like a good best friend, let me vent and bitch and complain and just...unburden my heart to make the pain a little more bearable."** Kate looked into Alex's eyes and leaned closer to kiss her. It was a quick kiss but Kate needed to show Alex that she was on the road to forgiving her. **"Baby, I love you and once I explain to Lanie the situation, she'll come around."**

**"I hope so. I want to be a part of your life and that means getting along with friends and family...it's what I've always wanted,"**Alex said, leaning in again to kiss Kate, this time much more deeply.

Kate melted into the kiss for a few moments before she pulled away and smiled, **"I want you in my life too. I want us to be together, a real couple. But more than anything I want you to be mine again, I want you to make me yours again, like we were in New Mexico."**Kate moved her lips to Alex's neck to illustrate what she was asking.

Alex tilted her neck and whispered, **"Yes. Anything, Kate, anything. I will make you mine, I promise."**

Kate tightened her arms around Alex's waist and began to nibble on her neck.

**"I've missed this so much, Kate. All those dreams couldn't measure up to this moment right now,"**Alex said, her lips growing fuller from the excess blood flow and her eyes growing dark again. She felt like she was on fire and she needed Kate so badly that she was clenching her thighs together just to keep herself from breaking apart.

Kate felt Alex shifting on her lap and slid her hand down from her waist to her thigh. Kate moved her hand down to Alex's knee then slid it back up her thigh, sliding under the hem of Alex's dress to caress the silky skin she remembered. Kate's hand slid again, her fingers coming to rest just above the juncture of Alex's legs. Kate grinned as she felt the heat emanating from her girlfriend and her mouth moved lower to Alex's collarbone to nip lightly. She pulled away when Alex shuddered, **"You like that don't you baby?"**

**"Yes. You know what your touch, your kisses do to me. I can't tell you how many nights I'd wake up from a dream where you were making love to me and I'd find my hand buried deep beneath the sheets...it couldn't compare, but it was the only way I could get relief from the torture."**

Kate leaned back in the chair, she looked up at Alex, **"The thought of you, in bed, dreaming of me, thinking of me when you were...touching yourself, makes me so hot. Someday soon, I would love to watch you do that but tonight, I want to make those dreams a reality and make love to you all night long."** Kate was glad she didn't have to work the next day, though she was still on-call in case something broke in her current case. Even if a call did come in, she didn't have to go down to the precinct, so she planned to spend the next 12 hours, minimum, making love with Alex. **"Unless you still want to hold it against me that I'm a cop."**Kate said, half-jokingly.

**"No, no, as far as I'm concerned, no one is anything tonight. Just take me in your room and have your way with me, I need you,"**she said breathlessly. She needed to be touched, teased, and caressed; everything that Kate knew how to do.

Kate grinned, **"As you wish."** Kate nudged Alex to stand and she stood with her. Kate leaned forward and placed a sweet kiss on the blonde's lips before she took a step back and reached behind her. She quickly unsnapped the clip that held the top part of her dress together before she slid the zipper down the back of her dress. With two quick moves, the dress was pooled around her ankles and she stood before Alex in nothing but a black lace thong. It was the only panties she owned that wouldn't leave a line on the dress. Kate smiled at the look on Alex's face, it was...hungry. She turned and took two steps towards her room before she turned to look over her shoulder and said, in a sultry tone, **"You coming baby?"**

Alex just nodded and distractedly walked towards the bedroom, her eyes glued to the nice little wiggle of Kate's ass as she moved. She stopped just inside the doorway and was again struck dumb when she saw Kate sprawled out on the bed and she nearly lost it. She stripped out of her own dress, her breasts also bare, and her skin was flushed pink.

She walked over to the bed and straddled Kate and the only thing between them was the thin fabric of her matching purple g-string.

Kate looked up at Alex above her. She loved the feeling of skin on skin and she ran her hands along Alex's thighs, caressing the silky soft skin and moving closer to the string of her panties with each stroke. Kate smiled, **"I have missed having you this close, seeing you like this. I can't believe you're really here."**Kate used one hand to reach up and slide behind Alex's neck to pull her down. Kate let out a moan as their lips connected and she slid her tongue into Alex's mouth, melting into the kiss.

Alex lost herself in the kiss, her body moving all on its own in desperate need of some sort of release. She wasn't reaching for climax, just a little bit of contact to ease the ache. Alex's arousal was painted on Kate's firm abdomen with each stroke back and forth.

Kate felt Alex's arousal on her skin and it drove her close to the edge. In one swift move, Kate flipped them over so Alex was on her back and she hovered over her. Kate broke the kiss and grinned wickedly down at Alex before she began kissing and licking her way down the blonde's neck and chest. Kate's lips closed around Alex's left nipple and she sucked and nibbled on the hardening nub. Kate remembered the last time she had Alex like this in her car the day she had to leave her. Kate was determined to improve on that last time. She wanted to completely wipe away any memory of the cop that Alex had dated here in New York, she wanted to leave no doubt at all that Alex was hers. Kate's lips moved away from one breast to the other, leaving a trail of kisses between them. Kate's hands made quick work of Alex's panties and she slid two fingers on either side of her clit, squeezing gently. Kate felt Alex's reaction and she grinned. She loved knowing that she could do this to the beautiful blonde.

When Alex felt the pressure on her already throbbing clit, she gripped the blanket beneath her and hissed, **"Fuck..."**She bucked her hips, her eyes rolling back to look at the headboard, and she tried to keep control. She knew it wouldn't take much for her to come.

Kate lifted her lips from Alex's skin and began trailing kisses down her body while her fingers kept up their gentle squeezing. Within seconds, Kate's lips replaced her fingers and she began to suck on Alex's clit, alternating with her tongue to bring Alex to the brink of orgasm. Kate slid two fingers inside of Alex's soaked pussy and began moving slowly, wanting to draw out the moment.

**"Oh Kate,"**Alex said breathlessly. She lifted her head, which felt heavy with pleasure, and watched the woman she loved working between her legs. She brought one hand up and placed it on Kate's head, running her fingers through Kate's longer locks, twirling a piece of hair slowly while her hips rocked against Kate's hand and mouth.

Kate loved the way Alex's voice sounded and when she began to rock her hips, Kate sped up her fingers.

As soon as Kate's pace increased, Alex found that she couldn't hold back any longer and she let go, giving her body over to Kate's knowing touch. Kate felt Alex's orgasm rush forward and she welcomed it. Kate flicked her clit with her tongue and then sucked it into her mouth. Kate closed her eyes as she felt Alex come in her mouth and on her hand.

Alex tossed her head back on the pillow and smiled. Her heart was beating hard and the flush had spread everywhere. She caressed Kate's hair and spoke through her haze, **"I love you, Kate..."**

Kate smiled as she slid up Alex's sweat soaked body and she loved the feel of their skin rubbing together. Kate trailed kisses up Alex's neck and when she came to the pulse point she sucked a bit, leaving a light mark on the skin. Kate smiled and then moved up to look into Alex's dark blue eyes. Kate held her gaze for a moment before she whispered, **"Mine. I love you Alex."**

She grinned. **"It feels so good to hear you say my real name. It makes me feel complete."** She lightly scratched Kate's back and trailed her hands down until she was cupping the brunette's ass. **"How do you feel right this second?"**

Kate grinned down at Alex, **"I feel...happy, whole, sane...I'm here with you and we can be together. But beyond all of that, I feel like if you don't touch me soon, I might just explode."**Kate shifted on top of Alex, rubbing against the blonde's toned thigh.

Alex chuckled and nodded, **"That's what I thought...here..."**She rolled Kate onto her back and spread out next to her. She ran her open palm over Kate's breasts, teasing her nipples until they were stiff as could be. She lowered her head and sucked one into her mouth while that same hand moved lower and lower until she was between Kate's legs. The brunette was drenched, which made it quite easy for Alex to slide two fingers into Kate's pussy, her thumb resting firmly on her clit.

Kate moaned at the contact and her hips arched up to meet Alex's hand. Kate brought one hand up to Alex's hair and her fingers wound through the strands.** "Oh baby don't stop I'm so close..."**Kate panted out as she gripped the sheets with her other hand. She knew it wouldn't take much to make her come and she let herself go, surrendering to Alex's touch.

Alex suddenly got an idea and swiftly moved between Kate's legs and replaced her fingers with her tongue, sliding it deep inside of Kate's warmth. She thrust, her hands moving up to cup Kate's breasts as she did her best to make her come into her mouth.

Kate felt a rush of fluid as she felt Alex's tongue slide into her. She arched off the bed and in a very short minute, she felt her orgasm crash through her in waves so intense she started to see spots in her vision.

Alex held Kate's hips to steady her and slowed her tongue until the brunette stopped pulsing. She pulled out and licked her lips, **"Mmmm, that's my girl..."** She again stretched out on Kate's side and put her hand on her lover's stomach. **"You taste amazing as ever."**

Kate lazily turned to face Alex and she smiled, **"I'll always be your girl, baby. Forever."** Kate managed to reach up and bring Alex's face closer and kissed her. When she tasted herself on her lover's lips, Kate smiled into the kiss. She missed this feeling and she decided then and there to do whatever it took to keep this feeling, even if it meant letting go of the pain and moving forward with her beautiful girlfriend. Kate pulled out of the kiss and looked into Alex's eyes, **"Alex, baby, I love you and I want you to know that... I don't want to dwell on the mistakes of the past anymore. We're together now and I want us to stay together...if that's what you still want."**Kate suddenly feared that maybe Alex had changed her mind about being together. What if tonight was just the blonde's way of absolving her guilt over the silence and moving on, maybe even looking up her ex-detective and reigniting their affair.

**"Yes, that's exactly what I want,"** she said with the biggest smile ever. **"I want to stay with you and have this whole life that we talked about back in Santa Fe."**

Kate smiled, **"That's good because I don't think I can let you go a second time. It nearly killed me to leave you the first time."**Kate's voice choked up with tears as she remembered the day she had to leave Alex behind in New Mexico.

Alex couldn't help but tear up too, which made her chuckle, **"Stop, you're making me cry."** She leaned forward and kissed Kate softly,** "We're here and nothing is going to change that, ok? All the rest of it is behind us and we have the rest of our lives to be together."**

Kate kissed Alex again and smiled, **"Yes we do. Will you spend the night? I want to fall asleep in your arms again, like we did before... Please stay?"**

Alex nodded and kissed Kate's forehead, **"You got it, baby."** She pulled back the covers and got underneath with Kate. She took the brunette into her arms and rubbed her stomach gently. She leaned forward and kissed Kate's shoulder, sucking a little to leave her mark, smiling when she saw the little purple spot and whispered, **"Mine..."**

Kate smiled as she snuggled into Alex's arms,** "Always."** Kate nuzzled Alex's neck. She inhaled deeply and, underneath the smell of their mingled arousals, Kate smelled the scent she would recognize anywhere...Alex. **"I love the way you smell baby."**

**"I love everything about you, Kate. Thank you for taking me back into your life. It was the one thing I've been praying for, for so long. If you had turned me away...I don't know how I would've gone on."**

Kate cupped Alex's cheek and said, **"There was never a danger of me turning you away baby. I meant what I said in New Mexico, you and I will be together for the rest of our lives. You and me, we're meant to be."**Kate kissed Alex again.

Alex smiled and then yawned, **"Hmm, sorry. That was completely involuntary. How about we get some sleep and in the morning, I'll cook for you after some very fun morning sex?"**

Kate snuggled closer, **"That sounds like a great idea baby. But I think I'll be the one cooking...maybe I'll even make you _Malukuao_."**Kate wrapped her arms around Alex and closed her eyes.

**"I've practiced...I want to show you,"** she said and then closed her eyes as well. **"We can fight over the pans tomorrow. Good night, baby, I love you."**

Kate pressed a kiss to Alex's chest, her tongue slipping out for a quick taste before she said, **"Good night baby, I love you too."**Kate soon fell fast asleep; happy for the first time in almost a year to be wrapped safely in the arms of the woman she loved.

TBC...


	13. Alex & Kate the Next Morning

**Chapter 13: Alex & Kate The Next Morning**

The next morning, Alex quietly snuck out of bed and crept to the kitchen in Kates robe to start cooking breakfast for her. She had memorized the recipe for _Malukuao_ months before and she made it every once in a while as a special treat for herself. She hoped Kate wouldn't mind her searching through the kitchen for the pans and cooking utensils, but she really wanted to give Kate a nice breakfast in bed. She was able to find everything she needed with very little trouble and started the process, the aroma wafting through the apartment after just a few short minutes.

Kate slowly opened her eyes and rolled over, fully intending to wrap her arm around Alex and snuggle close to her. When she reached out and found nothing there but cold sheets, Kate feared she had imagined the whole thing. That last night, with Alex had been a dream. Then she noticed the aroma of food wafting through the apartment and she sat up, sniffing deeply. She smiled as she identified the smell of _Malukuao_ and she knew then that it hadn't been a dream, Alex was real.

Kate slipped out of bed and threw on a set of NYPD sweats and silently slipped out of the bedroom and into the doorway of the kitchen. She grinned as she saw Alex at the stove, wearing her black silk robe, paying close attention to the skillet in her hand. Kate felt her heart swell when she realized that Alex wasn't working from the recipe but from memory. Alex had taken the time to memorize her favorite dish and was making it for her. Kate couldn't hold back anymore and she slipped up behind the blonde, wrapping her arms around her waist and placing a kiss on her neck, **"Mmmm that smells great but you taste better. Good morning baby."**

Alex laughed, **"Good morning, beautiful. You can always have me for dessert if you want. I'm definitely up for table sex."**She turned off the stove and let the contents of the pan continue to cook with the residual heat so they wouldn't burn while she and Kate were making out. She turned in the brunette's arms and smiled, her face practically glowing as she leaned in to kiss her girlfriend.

Kate smiled as she kissed Alex, her tongue sliding into the blonde's mouth as she tightened her grip on Alex's waist. Kate pulled Alex away from the stove and deftly moved her to the counter next to it. She moved forward and pressed Alex between the counter and her body, liking the feeling of having Alex at her mercy. Kate pulled away from their kiss and began trailing her lips down the blonde's neck, closing her eyes and loving the taste and texture of Alex's neck.

Alex held onto the counter top and widened her stance to keep her balance while Kate kissed her. She chuckled, **"We could always have dessert now..."**

Kate slid her leg between Alex's, her thigh pushing against the blonde's center and she grinned at the gasp that escaped those perfect lips. Kate's lips trailed lower to nibble on her collarbone, pulling away for a moment to ask, **"Would that be so bad?"**

**"No, bad is definitely not a word I'd use...amazing, definitely. Put me up on the counter, baby, I'm ready for you,"**Alex said, her hand loosely gripping Kate's hair.

Kate pulled back, grinning, and then she moved her hands to the robe's tie and quickly undid it. She parted the robe and smiled as she gazed once again at the woman she loved, naked before her. She took a moment to truly appreciate her and silently gave thanks for the second chance she was getting with this woman. She leaned forward and wrapped her lips around Alex's nipple, sucking and licking while her hand played with the other breast. She heard Alex moan and she reveled in the sound.

**"You're going to spoil me, you know... Once I get used to this, I'm always going to want it,"**Alex warned. Her hands were gripping the counter harder now, her legs quivering and her chest heaving.

Kate pulled back and grinned wickedly, **"Good. I hope you never stop wanting this with me. I want you to get used to this baby. I've got a year of lonely nights to make up for with you."**Kate brought her lips to Alex's other breast and sucked on the nipple as she ran her hands to Alex's waist and tightened her grip. Kate pulled her lips away from Alex's breast and, using the muscles she developed in the precinct gym, lifted Alex up and placed her on the counter.

Kate grinned and gently pushed Alex back until she was resting on the cabinets behind her and then began trailing her lips over Alex's torso, licking and sucking her way down the perfect body that was on display before her.

Alex leaned her head against the cabinet and looked down at Kate, watching with fascination as the brunette kissed her. It made her feel attractive and desired when she could watch Kate's fervor in action. Her center was already moist and she could feel the increased blood flow coursing to all the important places. She brought her hands up to cup her own breasts and worked them gently as Kate moved lower.

Kate caught Alex's movement from the corner of her eye and she glanced up. When she saw Alex's hands on her own breasts, it turned her on even more. Kate let out a low growl and she placed her hands on Alex's thighs, pushing them open so that she could move between the blonde's legs. Kate leaned down and without hesitation she placed her mouth on Alex's clit and sucked on it. Kate moved her hands to Alex's backside and she tugged her forward, giving herself better access to the blonde's center. She moved her tongue lower and slid it inside the blonde, savoring the familiar, musky flavor. Kate faintly heard the sounds Alex was making and they only served to drive her further in her quest to make her gorgeous, sexy girlfriend come in her mouth.

Alex rubbed Kate's back with the soft heel of her foot and moaned, her thighs taut from the sheer delight. She loved doing it in places other than the bedroom and she had a brief fantasy of her and Kate having sex in some public place like a bathroom at local club or in her office at work. Someplace private but just public enough that there was a chance they'd get caught. That thought caused a new burst of moisture to come from inside of the blonde.

Kate lifted her mouth and said, in a low, lust soaked voice, **"Come for me baby, I want to hear you scream for me. I love it when you come with my name on your lips."**Kate went back to her work, bringing a hand into play, thrusting deep inside of her girlfriend, her fingers curling just right.

Alex couldn't hold back when she felt Kate's fingers inside her and she let her body take over as her mind shut off. She moaned, grunted, whined, and whimpered as her orgasm hit her hard. Just at the peak of her climax, she screamed Kate's named, her knuckles turning white from gripping the counter so hard.

Kate felt Alex's orgasm rush through her and her own orgasm, though not as big, washed over her at that moment. Kate held Alex as they both came down together, Kate rested her forehead on Alex's shoulder and wrapping her free arm around Alex's waist to hold her close.

When she was able to speak again she whispered, mostly to herself though she knew Alex could hear her, **"Well...that was a first."**

**"You came with me?"**Alex asked, somewhat sure, though needing confirmation. She was still hazy, but her senses were slowly coming back to her.

Kate buried her face in Alex's neck, a little embarrassed, **"Um...yeah."**

**"Oh my God, that's so...hot,"** Alex said, caressing Kate's hair. **"I didn't even have to touch you..."**

Kate grinned, she lifted her head just enough so her words weren't muffled and said, **"That's the first time that's ever happened to me."** Kate shifted and looked into Alex's eyes, letting all her emotions show, **"That's what you do to me baby."**

Alex touched her cheek, **"I hope I always have this effect on you, baby. I love you so much."** She leaned forward and kissed Kate's lips, the essence of her skin and wetness still fresh. She held onto Kate for a long time until her stomach growled and she blushed. **"Hmmm, seems you gave me an appetite..."**

Kate grinned, **"Well then by all means let's feed you because you're going to need your energy today. I don't plan on letting you get much rest today."** Kate helped Alex off the counter and she lovingly, if regretfully, closed the robe and tied the sash. **"As much I hate covering up this gorgeous, tempting body, if I don't, neither of us will eat anything...or ever leave this counter,"**Kate smiled.

Alex laughed and hopped down. She went over to the stove and served equal portions of the _Malukuao_ onto two plates. She swaggered over to the nook and set the plates down and then asked, **"Do you want coffee or juice? Or milk?"**

Kate smiled at Alex's attentiveness and said, **"Juice please."**She'd save the coffee for later.

Alex went over to the refrigerator and found the orange juice. She took two glasses from the cupboard and topped off both of them and returned to the nook. She sat down and waited to start eating until Kate was seated. **"I hope you like it."**

**"I'm sure I will...provided you read the recipe right,"**Kate teased her, wondering just how long it had taken Alex to memorize the recipe. Kate picked up her fork and scooped up some of the food, putting it in her mouth to taste it.

Alex watched Kate with anticipation. She had her fingers crossed that the brunette would approve.

Kate swallowed and smiled at Alex, she knew the blonde was waiting for the verdict and while a part of her wanted to draw it out and tease her, she wasn't that mean so she just said, **"This is very good, I'm impressed Alex."**

Alex grinned like an accomplished child. **"Really? I know it's not as good as yours, but I practiced for months to get it just right. It's how I memorized the recipe."**

Kate smiled at Alex's child-like glee. **"I'm...glad that you memorized this recipe. It means a lot to me that you made the effort to learn it."**Kate felt her eyes get misty. Alex was the first person she'd ever given the recipe to and to see that she'd taken the time to learn how to make it made her love the blonde even more.

**"Well, I knew I wanted to cook it for you someday. I'm not a very good cook, but I worked at it until I knew I could make you proud. You're my girl, Kate. I love you."**

Kate grinned, **"I like the sound of that...being your girl."**Kate reached out and grabbed Alex's hand, running her thumb over her knuckles.

Alex looked at her and noticed a small tan line on her left ring finger. **"You still wear the ring I gave you?"**

Kate blushed, **"Yeah I do, but not when I'm working. It's far too precious to me to wear it to crime scenes, so I wear it at night. When I go to bed I slip it on and it helps me imagine that you're next to me."**

**"You have no idea how happy it makes me to know that you've continued to wear it all this time. Someday, I hope to see you wearing a beautiful wedding band on that finger."**

Kate's breath caught in her throat. She had an image of standing with Alex in front of a judge and vowing to spend the rest of her life with this wonderful woman and she liked the thought of it.** "Yeah? I'd love that, as long I get to pick out a ring for you to wear. I'm sure you remember how much I love to stake my claim on you."**

**"Yes, I remember. I would wear it proudly every day."**She continued eating her breakfast, sipping her juice between bites.

Kate went back to her breakfast, her hand still holding onto Alex's. She loved the feel of their hands entwined. Kate finished her breakfast and noticed Alex was also done with her food. She picked up both plates and rinsed them off before placing them in her dishwasher. She turned and smiled at Alex and held out her hand, **"Come with me?"**

**"Where?"**Alex asked, taking Kate's hand.

Kate tugged Alex out of her chair and pulled her into the living room. She stood with Alex next to the couch and smiled, **"I thought we could watch a movie and snuggle on the couch, I want to hold you in my arms like I used to...please?"**Kate turned on the puppy dog eyes and even pouted a little bit.

Alex grinned, **"Oh, ok...but can I ask a favor first?"**

Kate wrapped her arms around Alex's waist, **"Name it."**

**"Can I borrow some PJs? I love your robe, but I'd like to wear something warmer for cuddling,"**she said, wrapping her arms around Kate and kissing her on the nose.

Kate grinned, **"I know just the thing, wait right here ok?"** Kate quickly crossed the room and entered her bedroom. She went to her closet and, after moving a few things around, she found the package she was looking for. She took it out of her closet and looked at it, praying that Alex would like it. Kate went back to the living room and saw Alex standing right where she left her and she grinned. Kate walked up to Alex and held out the brightly wrapped package. **"This is for you. I-I bought it for you for Christmas and I would've shipped it to you, but by then I was...well, I was mad at you so I put it in the back of my closet and tried to forget about it. I hope you like it."**Kate bit her lip as Alex took the package in her hands.

Alex sat down and tore off the wrapping before lifting the lid and peered inside. It was a pair of ocean blue silk pajamas. She smiled and took them out of the box, **"They're beautiful, Kate, thank you!"**

Kate let out a breath she was holding. **"I'm glad you like them...I got them because they reminded me of your eyes."** Kate smiled, **"Will you wear them? Are they ok for snuggling?"**

**"They're perfect,"** Alex said and kissed Kate on the lips. **"I'm just going to go into your room to change, ok?"** She stood up and crossed the room to the hall that led to the bedroom. She took off the robe and slipped on the pajamas, her body warming up again after cooling off during breakfast. She realized that her feet were still cold and called out to Kate, **"Honey, can I borrow some socks?"**

Kate smiled and called out, **"Yeah they're in the top drawer baby. Help yourself."**Kate went back to what she was doing. She crossed to the linen closet and got out a throw blanket and pillow and then went back to the couch and placed the pillow in the corner so that she could protect her back when she was holding Alex. She placed the blanket over the back of the couch, ready for her to pull it over them, and then smiled at her handiwork. She sat down and waited for Alex to rejoin her.

Alex opened the top drawer of Kate's dresser and was about to take out a pair of socks when she found something very interesting. After a quick study, she lifted it out of the drawer and with socks in hand returned to the living room.

**"Kate, what is this?"** she asked, holding up what appeared to be an advanced copy of Richard Castle's _Heat Wave_.

Kate turned around to see what Alex was asking about and paled a little when she saw the book in her hand. She knew then she'd have to come clean about Nikki Heat...because how else would she explain why she had an advanced promotional copy of _Heat Wave_? Kate cleared her throat and said, **"Um...I can explain..."**

**"I read the dedication...how close are you with Rick Castle?"**

Kate frowned, **"What does that mean?"** Kate had a bad thought, **"Are you asking me if...if something happened with Castle?"**

**"You _were_ his inspiration, he said so right here,"** she said, opening the book to the hand written dedication. **"What does he mean by that?"**

Kate wondered how much to explain, but then she realized that if she didn't tell the whole truth, it would cause more problems down the road. She took a breath and said, **"Um, you might want to sit down, it's a bit of a long story."**

Alex walked over to the couch and sat down. She set the book on the coffee table and looked at Kate. She had no idea if Castle's dedication was innocuous or if there was something sinister behind it, but she opted to hold judgment until Kate explained.

Kate took a breath and began, **"Back in March, there was a copycat killer posing his victims to resemble scenes from Castle's books. We brought Castle in for questioning and he was able to provide some information to help our case, but mostly he was just a pain in the neck. In any case, we caught the killer and I thought that was the end of it until my captain called me into his office and told me that Castle loved tagging along during the investigation so much that he got the mayor to put pressure on the captain and...I had to let him tag along indefinitely for...research."** Kate paused as she took a deep breath and revealed the most embarrassing part. **"He um...he had decided to create a new character, a cop, based on me...that's how Nikki Heat came to exist. I didn't ask for this, I fought it, but obviously I lost that battle."**Kate turned away from Alex, not wanting to see her reaction in case it wasn't good.

**"So you're...Nikki Heat?"**Alex asked in disbelief. She wanted to laugh at herself for assuming Castle meant anything more by inspiration and she did. It started slow and then built up until she had tears in her eyes.

When Kate heard Alex laughing, she assumed that she was laughing at her and she couldn't take it...she'd listened to all the cops' snide remarks and jokes about Nikki Heat and it bothered her but it didn't usually faze her. This, however, Alex laughing at her because of Nikki Heat, was too much so she turned and ran from the room. She ran to her bedroom and closed the door behind her, flinging herself on the bed and burying her face in the pillow to cry.

Alex quickly sobered and ran after Kate. **"Honey? Babe, what's wrong?"**She knocked on the door, not wanting to just barge in, and waited for a response.

Kate couldn't answer her, she was crying at the thought of being laughed at by Alex.

Alex opened the door slowly and peeked in. She was heartbroken when she saw how destroyed Kate was.** "Kate, sweetie, what's wrong? What did I do?"** She walked over to the bed and sat down, **"Honey, please, talk to me."**She put her hand on Kate's back to comfort her.

Kate stiffened at the feel of Alex's hand on her back, but she soon relaxed into the touch; her body couldn't help but respond to Alex. Kate brought a hand up and wiped the tears off her cheek, eventually calming herself enough to say to Alex, her voice still rough from the tears, **"Why...why did you laugh at me?"**

Alex looked confused, **"I wasn't laughing at you, babe. I was laughing at myself for acting like such an idiot. I should've known there wasn't anything romantic between you and Castle, but for a moment I let myself go there and I'm sorry. I love you and you love me, that's the reality."** She tickled Kate's back slowly, **"Please don't cry, ok? I hate seeing you like that."**

Kate took a moment to think about that, **"Wait...you thought that there was something romantic going on between me and Castle?"** Kate couldn't believe what she was hearing. **"You seriously thought that I could be with anyone else after our time together? Much less a man?"**Kate felt a hand squeeze her heart at the thought.

**"I know. It was stupid. I just got jealous at the thought of you being with anyone else and when I read what he wrote...baby, I was irrational and stupid and I'll never let it happen again, ok?"**

Kate took a breath, **"Castle is a friend and he's almost a partner of sorts. He's been fairly helpful in solving the crimes and offering a new perspective and he makes my job a little more fun. But there's nothing romantic between us...despite how much he might want there to be. You are the one I love, the only one I ever want to be with, ever." **

**"I know. Like I said, it was stupid. I guess I'm just scared to ever lose you... I love you so much, Kate. Please, can we forget this and go cuddle?"**

Kate smiled, **"Yeah, I'd like that."**

Alex took her hand and led her back to the living room. She let Kate get settled on the couch and then joined her, stretching out in the brunette's arms. She felt whole again and she reminded herself that she'd never let something so stupid cause her to behave that way ever again.

Kate wrapped her arms around Alex and kissed her neck before she said, **"By the way, you are never allowed to tease me about the whole Nikki Heat thing, deal?"**Kate tolerated it at work, but she didn't want to have to deal with it at home with Alex.

**"Tease you? Baby, I think it's amazingly hot that you're the basis of that character. It means you're great at what you do, otherwise, he never would've picked you,"**she said, placing her arm over Kate's.

Kate chuckled, **"No, it's not amazing honey. Ever since the character's name was leaked, I've had to put up with so much grief...especially after the cover art for the book was plastered all over that Cosmo issue."** Kate sighed because she hated that article. But then she remembered something, **"Wait, you think it's hot?"** Kate thought about that for a moment, **"I think I can live with that...just please don't ever call me Nikki ok?"**

**"Promise. Though, maybe one day, if you're ever comfortable and in the mood, you could play Nikki and I could be a perp...and we could have a little role-play followed by amazing sex. It would be a nice way of owning it."**

Kate blushed and kept quiet...with the exception of the whole Nikki Heat angle, Alex had just described one of the fantasies she'd indulged in during their separation.

Kate lowered her mouth to kiss Alex's neck when her cell phone began to ring. Kate sighed as she reached back and picked it up off the end table behind her. **"I'm so sorry babe I have to take this, it's about the case I'm working on."**

Alex nodded. She knew all too well how these things went. She lay there quietly while Kate talked to whoever had called.

Kate spent a few minutes talking to Esposito about the case and she managed to delegate everything so she wouldn't have to go in to work. She hung up after a few minutes and put the phone back on the end table before returning her arm to its previous resting spot just under Alex's breasts. **"Sorry about that, but it couldn't be helped."**Kate began kissing Alex's neck in a silent plea for forgiveness. Shed had more than one ex-girlfriend who couldn't deal with her unpredictable schedule.

**"You don't have to explain anything to me, babe. I know how it is in law enforcement. Calls can come in any time."** She cuddled closer to Kate and smiled, **"I'm glad you don't have to go in today. I want as much time with you as possible this weekend."**

Kate smiled as she tightened her arms around Alex, **"Well...there's plenty of food in the fridge and as long as nothing really important comes up with this case, I have nowhere else to be but right here with you."**Kate buried her face in Alex's neck, inhaling the sweet scent of her lover.

Alex sighed happily and reached back to rub Kate's thigh. **"Do you want to watch a movie, baby?"**

Kate closed her eyes, **"Will it involve moving away from you? Because I don't really want to let you go right now."**Kate tightened her hold on the blonde.

Alex chuckled, **"I could always see what's on TV. The remote is on the coffee table and I can reach that from here."** She reached out and picked up the remote, **"See?"**

Kate smiled, **"That works for me as long as I can keep holding you."** Kate needed to keep Alex close right then, the misunderstanding and anger from the earlier incident over Nikki Heat was only starting to lessen. **"And for the record baby, you never have to worry about losing me. You're stuck with me now."**

Alex caressed Kate's hand, **"Is that a promise?"**

Kate smiled as she lifted her hand and showed Alex her ring finger. The ring she'd given her was resting in its proper place. Kate had slipped it on while Alex was getting changed because she wanted Alex to see her wearing it. **"What does this tell you baby?" **

Alex grinned and kissed Kate's ringed finger. **"It tells me that you're mine and nothing is going to change that."** Then she let out a sigh,** "I really am sorry about earlier, baby. I never meant to hurt you by being so stupid."**

Kate smiled, **"It's ok baby. I can see how what Castle wrote in the promo copy could be misconstrued as something more. I'm sorry that I over reacted, I don't normally cry like that." **

**"It's ok, we all get emotional, especially when we really care."** She fell silent for a bit and then said, **"I met my cousin's little boy last night before the party..."**

Kate grinned at the change of subject, she was thankful for it so she would stop worrying about what had happened earlier. She kissed Alex's neck and said, **"Yeah? How old is he?"**

**"He's four. His name's Kevin and I think he has a bit of a crush on me,"**she said with a chuckle.

Kate also chuckled at that. **"Oh really? Should I be worried?"**Kate teased as she tightened her grip on Alex's waist.

**"About the crush? No, nothing to be worried about there..."**she said, but there was obviously more she wasn't saying.

**"I am starting to know that tone. What aren't you telling me?"**Kate said, knowing there was more that Alex wasn't saying.

Alex sighed, **"I don't want to freak you out."**

Kate used one of her hands to gently tilt Alex's face so that she could look into her eyes, **"Baby, I am not going to freak out. Please, just talk to me."**Kate leaned forward and kissed Alex in an effort to reassure her girlfriend that she wasn't going anywhere.

Alex bit her lip, **"Spending time with him made me start thinking about kids..."**She watched Kate carefully, waiting for her to react.

Kate looked at Alex and her expression remained neutral as she asked, **"Yeah? What, specifically, about kids?"**Kate needed to know Alex's opinion on kids before she revealed her own.

**"Well, that I'd like to have them...with you...someday?"**Alex said, though it came out as more of a question. She wasn't usually this flustered, but she didn't want scare Kate with such serious talk.

Kate slowly smiled,** "You...you want to have a child, with me? You want us to have a kid?"**Kate silently wondered what she'd done right in her past that granted her this moment. She was in love with a woman who wanted children, just like Kate did.

Alex nodded and visibly relaxed when she saw that Kate was smiling.** "Yes. Last night when I had Kevin in my lap, all I could think of was how great it would be if it were our child. A little boy or girl running around, laughing, exploring the world...a little Beckett..."**

**"That sounds really nice...wait...did you say a little Beckett?"**Kate asked, wondering if Alex had misspoken. She felt a jolt of excitement at the thought of Alex and their child both taking her name, but she needed to know Alex hadn't made a mistake.

**"Yeah. You don't mind, do you? I want to take your last name, so it would also be our baby's last name..."**

Kate was overcome with emotion and in a swift move she flipped them over on the couch and swooped down to kiss Alex. She slipped her tongue into the blonde's mouth and savored the contact for a few moments before reluctantly pulling away. She smiled almost wolfishly and said, **"I would love that so much. I would love to have a child with you baby."**Kate leaned down and began kissing Alex's neck.

Alex grinned, **"I can't believe we're both on the same page. God, it feels so good."**She felt like their whole future had just opened up and it made her happy that Kate wanted this as much as she did.

Kate lifted her head and looked at Alex, **"I want a life with you, a whole life with kids and maybe even a dog, but mostly, I want to spend every day making sure you never have any reason to doubt how much I love you."**Kate went back to kissing Alex's neck.

After a few minutes, Alex took Kate's hand and started guiding it lower. She was moaning softly with her eyes closed. It was warm in the room, but Alex felt hot from Kate's touch.

Kate smiled against Alex's skin when she felt her hand being moved lower. She knew what Alex wanted and she was more than willing to oblige. Kate began moving her lips lower on Alex's torso and when she reached the edge of the silk pajama top she raised her head. She admired how sexy Alex look beneath her and whispered, **"I know you just put this on but it's coming off...now, ok baby?"**Kate moved her other hand to one of the buttons on the top and hovered, waiting for Alex to give her permission.

**"Yes, baby. Please,"**she said softly, her voice husky. She needed to feel Kate again. It was like she had to make up for all those lonely nights and she wanted to get a jump-start on it. Besides, once Monday came around, she'd be back at work and morning sex would become very rare.

Kate grinned wolfishly and used both hands to quickly remove both the top and the silk pants so that Alex was naked beneath her. Kate sat up and kneeled above the blonde before running both hands down Alex's body, from her shoulders, over her breasts down to her hips and further to her thighs. She loved how soft Alex's skin was. Kate brought her hands back up and cupped Alex's breasts.

She looked into the blonde's eyes and said, **"I love you Alexandra Cabot. You're mine once again and I am never going to let you go. We're going to have a life together, I want us to have a family together."** Kate glanced down at the breasts in her hands, the nipples had hardened and she could smell the musk of Alex's arousal. She lowered one of her hands to Alex's center and she ran her fingers through the wetness she found there. She lifted her hand to her lips and licked them clean, loving the flavor. **"Mmmm...yummy." **

Alex chuckled and turned pink, **"You like making me blush, don't you?"**

Kate chuckled, **"That is a nice bonus, but no baby, I love the way you taste, I love that I have this effect on you, that I can make you wet like this."**Kate lowered her hand again and repeated the action of licking her fingers clean. She looked Alex in the eyes and saw them darkening to that shade of blue she loved so much. She lowered herself down and took a nipple into her mouth.

Alex gasped, the warmth of Kate's mouth causing her nipple to harden even more. She pressed herself against Kate's thigh and started to rock slowly, her clit desperate for contact.

Kate loved the sounds Alex made when she was aroused, she loved feeling Alex rock against her. Kate moved her mouth to the other breast while her hand slid lower on her body. When her fingers reached Alex's center she could feel the heat emanating from it and she grinned. She loved making Alex react this way. Kate slid her fingers around Alex's clit and squeezed gently, teasingly.

Alex bit her lip and groaned, her hips bucking against Kate's hand. She somehow got her wits about her and moved her hand between Kate's legs, rubbing the brunette with the palm of her hand so that Kate could feel as good as she did.

At Alex's touch, Kate lost her focus for a minute. She lifted her head and closed her eyes as she pressed against Alex's hand, moaning at the increased contact before whispering, **"Oh yeah baby...I like that, don't stop."**Kate lowered her head and began kissing and licking Alex's skin, slowly moving lower on her body. Kate's hand increased the pressure on Alex's clit and she felt a fresh rush of fluid in response.

Alex liked pleasuring Kate at the same time that she was being pleasured. It made her feel like she was on fire and it kept her juices flowing. She slipped a finger inside of Kate's core and pressed harder with the heel of her hand on the brunette's clit, trying to match Kate's movements.

Kate rocked her hips in time to Alex's movements as she slipped two fingers inside Alex's soaking pussy. She moved up her body and began to suck on Alex's neck, her orgasm rising. She knew Alex was close too, so she kept up her rhythm as she marked Alex's beautiful neck, letting anyone who might see it that Alex was taken.

Alex worked her fingers fervently and when she felt Kate giving over, she let go herself, coming hard with a long, deep moan. She subconsciously kept her fingers moving inside of Kate until the brunette stopped pulsing.

Kate rode out her orgasm and lowered her head to Alex's shoulder. She fought to catch her breath and smiled when she heard Alex was similarly struggling. Kate slowly slid her hand out of her lovers depths and brought it up to her lips. She lifted her head and licked her fingers clean before smiling at Alex, **"Mmm...I never get tired of that flavor. I love you baby."**Kate kissed Alex, letting her lover taste herself on her tongue.

Alex kissed Kate, but kept her hand firmly between the brunette's legs, continuing to rub her gently, not wanting it to hurt but rather work her back up. She wanted her to come again and she had a plan of how she wanted to make it happen.

Kate dimly registered that Alex's hand was still moving inside her. She continued to kiss Alex, letting herself go and simply responding to the moment.

Alex licked and sucked on Kate's tongue, her free hand cupping one of Kate's breasts while her other hand continued teasing and stroking. She wanted to make Kate come with her tongue, but this was a good warm up.

Kate moaned into their kiss, loving the feel of Alex's hands on her body. She had missed this and for almost a year this was all she craved, to have Alex beneath her, naked and willing. Kate began to rock her hips against Alex's hand feeling the pressure building again. **"Baby, stop teasing, I need you,"**she breathed out, panting.

Alex looked up at her, **"Kneel over me."** She grinned mischievously and wagged her eyebrows. **"I want to make you come with my tongue." **

Kate felt a jolt go through her when Alex's request registered and she grinned, **"As you wish baby."**She kissed Alex one last time before she shifted above her and settled her knees on either side of Alex's head. The blonde had scooted down on the sofa, so she was lying flat on her back and Kate looked down at her, getting even more aroused by the sight.

She gripped the back of the couch with one hand while the other hand rested on the arm of the couch. **"Make me yours Alex, please."**Kate slowly lowered herself onto Alex's waiting mouth.

Alex stuck out her tongue and started lapping at Kate's clit, tickling it with the tip and then engulfing it by curling her tongue to surround it. She reached around to grip Kate's ass and squeezed.

Kate's back arched at the contact and her eyes closed against her will. She felt herself losing control and she welcomed it. She began moaning, unable to stop herself, and rocked her hips against Alex's tongue, craving deeper contact. **"Oh yeah baby, don't stop."**

Alex pulled Kate closer and slipped her tongue inside of her, enjoying the warmth and tightness. She thrust as hard as she could, wanting to push Kate over again.

Kate felt her orgasm crest and she gripped the couch, her knuckles turning white from the sheer force of it. For a moment, she honestly thought she was going to fly apart, but soon her body relaxed and she came back to her senses. When she could move again she slithered down until she was lying on top of Alex. Kate buried her face into Alex's neck as she struggled to control her breathing.

Alex tickled Kate's back and kissed her temple, **"I love you so much. You're amazing."**

Kate lifted her head and looked at Alex, smiling. **"You're amazing baby, that was..."**Kate couldn't find the words to describe what that was so she shook her head and snuggled deeper into Alex's neck, her tongue slipping out to licked Alex's neck. She savored the salty tang of sweat on her tongue.

Alex was idly enjoying Kate's attentions when she gathered the courage to tell Kate what was on her mind. **"Honey, you know what I was thinking? I thought that maybe someday, if we have a girl, we could name her after your mother and mine. What would you think about that?"**

Kate froze for a moment when she heard Alex's words. She lifted her head and looked at Alex, **"You...you want to...to name our future daughter after our mothers?"**Kate had secretly wanted to have a daughter she could name after her mother ever since her mother was murdered, but she had slowly let go of that dream the further she got into her career as a cop, not to mention her many failed relationships. But here was Alex, the woman she loved, telling her she wanted to honor both their mothers by naming a daughter after them. Kate felt tears in her eyes.

Alex felt Kate stiffen and she rubbed her girlfriend's back, **"Baby, did I say something wrong? We don't have to do it if you don't want to...I just thought you might, but if you don't, we'll pick something else."**

Kate leaned closer and kissed Alex. She savored the contact for a few moments and then pulled back to say, **"No baby, you didn't say anything wrong. I would be thrilled to have a daughter with you that we name after our mothers. I think it's a great idea."**

Alex grinned,** "Really? I just kept thinking that it would be a great way to honor them. Um, I never told you my mom's name. It was Elisabeth, but she used to go by Betty. My uncle always called her Bets."**She chuckled, thinking about her mom.

Kate sat up and brought Alex with her, then she shifted until she was once again lying back on the couch with Alex in her arms. They were naked, so she pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and covered them up. She wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and she asked,** "Will you tell me about your mom?" **

Alex smiled, **"Sure. Um, what do you want to know?"**

Kate smiled,** "Anything, everything. Whatever you feel comfortable telling me."**Kate tightened her grip on her girlfriend, sensing this would be a difficult topic.

Alex smiled, a bit melancholy when she thought back on the memories of her mom. **"Well, she was the baby. Her parents had my Uncle Bill and she was born a few years later. They grew up in Amherst and she stayed until she graduated from high school...she and my dad met during college. She was a psychology major and he was in business. They got married after graduation and I was born two years later. We moved into the city when I was five and she didn't decide to move back to her old home upstate until after my dad died..."**

Kate heard the sad tone in Alex's voice and she began gently rubbing Alex's stomach. **"How old were you when your dad died?" **

**"I was 24. I was away at law school when she called me to tell me that he'd had a heart attack. He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital,"**she said, her voice somber.

Kate felt tears in her eyes, **"Oh baby, I'm so sorry." **

**"It's ok. It was just one of those things, you know? I loved him very much and he loved me and I wish he could've been in my life longer, but he taught me so many things and I'll always be grateful for that."** She took a breath and then continued, **"After I passed the bar, I started with the DA's office and worked my way up...my mom was proud, but she always wanted me to find someone so that I wouldn't be lonely. She knew I could take care of myself, but it was me being alone in the city that worried her."**

Kate thought about that for a moment. **"Did um...did your mom ever meet your...detective from before?"**It killed Kate to have to bring up Alex's ex but this was something she needed to know.

Alex was silent for a moment. **"Um, yeah, she did. I came out to her after O after she and I started dating..."**

Kate nodded, silently working up the courage to continue this line of questioning. **"And um...did she...did she like her?"**

**"Yeah, they got along,"** she said with a nod. **"They only saw each other a few times."**

**"Oh..."** Kate turned and looked down at the coffee table while she absently toyed with the ring on her finger...the ring Alex had given her. **"Do you...I mean...um...well..."** Kate faltered a bit but then took a breath and asked, **"Would she have liked me? Do you think?"**

Alex took Kate's hand and looked straight into her eyes, **"She would've loved you, Kate. You're a wonderful woman and you make me happy. You're intelligent, beautiful, funny, kind...I can't imagine a reason why she wouldn't like you."**

Kate smiled as she let out a breath she'd been holding. **"Do you really think so?" **

**"I know it. The only thing my mom wanted was my happiness and you make me insanely happy. The fact that you want kids would be like the icing on the top of her cake. I know it's hard wondering about my ex, but I really don't want you to feel like you have to compete with her. That part of my life is over and I'm with you now."**

Kate sighed, **"I can't help it though. I'm sorry but...I love you so much and I can't help but be worried that she'll come back into your life and steal you away from me. I mean, you had a life with her, you loved her enough to let her meet your mom and...I'm just scared Alex."**Kate began to tear up a little at the thought of losing Alex to some faceless ex.

**"Honey, if my mom was still alive, I would take you to meet her immediately. I didn't take my ex to meet her for six months. I'd take you right now... Honestly, there's no reason for you to feel intimidated."**

Kate leaned closer and kissed Alex. **"You would? That's good to know. But it doesn't mean I'm not going to be intimidated by the thought of her swooping back into your life and taking you away from me. I mean, I love you so much, I don't think I'd survive losing you a second time. I barely survived it the first time when I had to leave you behind in New Mexico."**

**"I know...but I'm not going anywhere. I want to have everything with you, Kate. I want to get married, have a baby, get a place for the three of us..."**

**"I want that too. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."** Kate made a decision in that moment and she smiled at Alex and said,** "And if your ex tries to come between us...I will fight for you. And I don't fight fair."** Kate leaned closer and kissed Alex.

Alex kissed her back and then smiled, **"That's good to know."** Then she yawned and cuddled closer,** "I'm sleepy after all that amazing sex. What do you say we take a nice nap and then call for take-out?"**

Kate smiled and tightened her grip on Alex,** "That sounds like a great idea."**Kate nuzzled Alex's neck as she rubbed Alex's stomach.

Alex yawned again, but before she fell asleep, she imagined Kate giving her a tummy rub while she was pregnant with their baby and it made her so happy.

Kate watched as Alex fell asleep in her arms and she smiled, thinking Alex looked so angelic when she slept. Before Kate closed her eyes, she pictured a cherubic baby with Alex's blue eyes smiling up at her from the blonde's arms. Kate fell asleep with a smile on her face.

TBC...


	14. First Day at Work

**Chapter 14: First Day at Work**

Early on Monday morning, Alex woke up about 7:00. She'd set the alarm the night before to make sure that she'd be up on time to make it to her new job by 8:30. She got ready, taking a shower and putting all the final touches on her hair and makeup before getting dressed in a black Armani suit. It was just like the old days again, only this time she had much more hope for her future. She left the hotel just in time to meet the car she had waiting downstairs and instructed the driver to take her to the 12th precinct.

Monday morning, Kate walked into the precinct in an irritated mood. She understood that Alex had wanted to spend the night at her hotel so she wouldn't be late for her first day back at the DA's office, but she hated that it meant she had to spend the night alone.

Kate hadn't been able to sleep very well and she'd had a cup of coffee at home before she even made it into work. When that didn't prove to be enough, she stopped at her favorite coffee shop for a cup of the 'red-eye' coffee she usually got when she had to pull an all-nighter. Without it, she knew she wouldn't make it to noon. Kate walked into the squad room and the first thing she saw was Castle standing by her desk.

Despite the fact that she knew she shouldn't, Kate let her bad mood take over and said, in an annoyed tone, **"What are you doing here Castle? Don't you have bigger, more lucrative fish to fry?"**

Kate was still a little ticked that he had insulted the character he'd based on her. Especially now that she knew that Alex thought it was hot that the character was based on the detective.

Castle looked up at Beckett and said, **"Actually I just left my sunglasses here yesterday." **

**"Yeah, right," **Kate said. She knew the way Castle functioned. He'd often use something innocuous to worm his way into her day and this time she wasn't letting him get away with it. Unfortunately for her, he was telling the truth and he held up the glasses as proof.

She sucked it up and figured that since he was there collecting his possessions, she might as well tell him to take the little Russian nesting dolls he'd given to her with him as well.** "While you're at it, don't forget those,"**she said as she pointed to the dolls on her desk and then she walked away, clearly still upset.

She walked up to Ryan and Esposito and they filled her in what they'd learned over the weekend about their victim. While they were discussing, Detective Karpowski interrupted them to let them know that the victim's Super was on the phone inquiring about the apartment.

Kate thought nothing of the information but Castle found it odd that the apartment was paid up to Friday when the victim was killed last Thursday. He mentioned it to Becket and soon they were off to talk to the building Super who ended up telling them that someone had slipped the rent under his door the Friday after the victim was killed. He also revealed that someone was picking up her mail.

Beckett decided to sit in her car with Castle and wait for the mystery woman to show up for the mail. She had a hunch that it was Talbot's wife who was there to collect the threatening letter she'd mailed to the victim. As they sat in the car talking Kate could feel her bad mood slipping away.

* * *

><p>Alex walked into the precinct and was instantly met with several pairs of staring eyes. She resisted her urge to jump under one of the desks and hide and instead walked with her head held high to Captain Montgomery's office. She knocked on the door and waited for him to open it.<p>

Captain Roy Montgomery was at his desk going over the usual paperwork when there was a knock on his door. Since his detectives usually just walked in, he knew this must be someone else so he looked up and said, **"Come in."**

Alex opened the door and smiled, **"Hi, Captain Montgomery, I'm Alexandra Cabot, your new ADA?"**She walked in after shutting the door and reached out her hand to shake his. She knew basically nothing about the man, but she hoped for the best.

Captain Montgomery stood up when the lovely blonde entered the room and he smiled as he shook her hand, **"Hello Ms. Cabot. I was told you would be starting today. Welcome to the homicide division of the 12th Precinct."**

**"Thank you,"** she said with a polite smile. **"I've never worked with Homicide before. I'm sure it's going to be quite an experience."**

He smiled as he thought about Castle's involvement in their cases, **"Oh yeah, it'll be...interesting. I'm sure you'll fit right in. Come on, I'll introduce you to the squad."** Montgomery led Alex out of his office and into the bullpen. Ryan and Esposito were at their desks doing paperwork. **"Ok guys, listen up. This is Alexandra Cabot, she's our new ADA. Ms. Cabot these are Detectives Ryan and Esposito." **

She smiled and extended her hand, first to Ryan because he was closer, then to Esposito. **"It's nice to meet you both."**

Ryan stood up and shook her hand, a little mesmerized by her blue eyes. He shook it off after a couple of moments and welcomed her to Homicide. Esposito was a little less mesmerized but still took a second longer than he maybe should have to shake her hand.

Montgomery looked around then asked the guys, **"Hey, where are they?"**He motioned to the empty desk a few feet awat from the guys.

The guys looked at each other then Esposito said, **"They went to talk to the Super of Sokol's building. Should be back in a bit." **

Alex looked back at the Captain, **"So we're waiting on one more?"**

Montgomery smirked and winked at the guys, **"Um, one more detective yeah, and one surprise tag along."**He wanted to see Ms. Cabot's reaction first hand when she found out Rick Castle was part of the team, so to speak.

She raised an eyebrow, **"Should I be concerned about this surprise?"**Alex wasn't particularly fond of surprises, especially when it came to work.

Montgomery just smiled, **"Concern isn't the first thing that comes to mind. Don't worry Ms. Cabot, it's not bad."**

The guys chuckled then went back to their paper work. Suddenly Esposito's phone rang and he answered it, talking to the person on the other end briefly before hanging up. He turned to Montgomery, **"That was them, they're on their way back with a suspect. ETA's about ten minutes." **

Montgomery nodded and then turned to Alex, **"Do you have some time to wait around?"**

Alex looked at her watch and nodded, **"Um, sure. I don't have to be back at my office until 11:30."**

Montgomery smiled, **"Good, you're welcome to wait in the lounge. We have an espresso machine if you want a coffee. If you'll excuse me though I have to finish some paperwork. Ryan?" **

Ryan stood up and led the blonde into the lounge and showed her the machine. He smiled, **"So, um, where did you work before you transferred here?"**

**"I was with Special Victims over at the 16th, but that was several years ago,"**she said as she got a cup and placed it under the spout. She pressed a button and the machine whirred to life.

Ryan was impressed, **"Special Victims? That's, um, rape victims right?"** He shook his head, **"Live victims? That's gotta be tough."**

**"Uh, yeah, it's...a challenge. But it really made me appreciate the little things in life and I'll always be grateful for that."**

Ryan nodded but before he could say anything the elevator opened and he glanced over to see who was stepping off. It was Beckett and Castle with a blonde and he smiled. **"There they are." **

Alex turned and nearly dropped her coffee to the floor when she saw Kate, her Kate walking across the room.

Ryan turned to the blonde and noticed her reaction. He was curious to know why she looked as white as a sheet, so he asked, **"Are you ok Ms. Cabot? You look like you've seen a ghost."**Ryan, clearly concern, stepped closer.

Before Alex could reply to Ryan, she saw Richard Castle and nearly fainted. This, this was Captain Montgomery's surprise? She set her coffee down before she burned herself and shut her eyes. Maybe it was all a dream. That's it, she was still asleep in her hotel room and this was some bizarre dream borne of eating Chinese food after nine combined with her jitters over her new job.

Ryan was really starting to get really worried, but before he could do anything, Esposito stuck his head in and said, **"Hey, Ryan, Cap wants Miss Cabot to observe the interrogation."** Esposito walked up to Alex and noticed she looked a little pale. **"Um Miss Cabot, are you ok?"**Esposito looked to Ryan, who shrugged, and then turned back to the blonde.

**"I'm fine...just having a small hallucination, but I'll be fine in just a minute."** She took a breath and opened her eyes and when she didn't see either Kate or Castle any more, she sighed, **"Better."**

Esposito decided not to push it and said, **"Ok well, the Captain wants to know if you want to observe the interrogation, just to ease your way into Homicide."**

**"Sure, just show me where I need to go,"**she said with a smile.

Esposito led Alex out of the lounge and across the bullpen, but before they could make it halfway across, Rick Castle and Kate Beckett stepped out of the interrogation room and headed their way. Kate had to tell her Captain that they needed a warrant for the victim's mail and Castle just needed another cup of coffee.

Kate and Castle stopped in their tracks when they noticed Esposito with a blonde and Kate was stunned to see that it was Alex standing there. Suddenly she couldn't move. Castle, on the other hand, didn't have any problem when he recognized the blonde as the same woman from his party.

He smiled as he approached the blonde, **"Well hello there, I see you've found me...Alex. How are you?"**It was easy for Rick to remember her name because it was so similar to his daughter's name, Alexis. He smiled charmingly and extended his hand.

Alex realized this was really happening and took a breath. She reached out her hand and shook his, **"Hello Mr. Castle, it's nice to see you again. Though to be honest, I wasn't expecting to see you here of all places."**

Rick just grinned, **"Yes I'm helping out the NYPD, you know providing a new insight based on my years of experience with researching for my books."** Castle remembered that Beckett was next to him and he smiled, **"Alex, this is Detective Beckett, she was the inspiration for Nikki Heat."**Castle presented Kate to the blonde, hoping to impress the other woman with his connection to the NYPD in addition to mentioning his latest best seller.

Kate stood there watching Castle hit on Alex and she felt the familiar jealousy bubble to the surface, especially when she saw Alex's hand touching Castle's. She forced herself to pretend like nothing was amiss and said, **"Nice to meet you."** Then she turned to Castle, **"Castle, for god's sake stop bringing up Nikki Heat, it's not cute." **

Alex looked at Kate and followed her lead, **"Nice to meet you too, Detective Beckett."**She was still trying to digest everything that was happening. Honestly, she couldn't believe the odds.

Kate smiled at Alex and asked, **"Um, what brings you here?"**

**"I'm your new ADA. I'm going to be prosecuting your cases from now on,"**she said, keeping a neutral face so she wouldn't tip anyone off.

Kate had an idea and turned to Castle, **"Hey Castle, can you fill the Captain and the guys in on Nurse Do-Right while I talk to...Alex...about a warrant?"** Then she turned to Alex, **"Can I talk to you in private please?"**Kate watched as Castle took the hint and led Esposito and Ryan, who had come out of the lounge, into the Captain's office to tell them about the nurse and the mail.

Once the guys were in the Captain's office, Kate led Alex to the observation room and locked the door behind them. She turned to Alex, **"So, this is your new job?"**

**"Yeah, the DA gave me a choice and I picked Homicide. I had no idea that you'd be here."**

Kate looked at Alex for a moment before she glanced around and noticed no one could see them from the outside. Kate stepped closer to Alex, slipped her arms around her waist, and kissed her, quickly but firmly, before she pulled away. Kate smiled at Alex, **"I missed you last night." **

**"I missed you too, babe. I had a hard time falling asleep without you, but I didn't have my stuff and I hated to wake you early just so I could go back to the hotel and get ready. Forgive me?"**she asked with a pout.

Kate smiled and kissed her again, **"Yeah I forgive you...as long as you spend tonight with me. Bring some clothes for tomorrow ok?"** She took a breath and then asked, **"So, we're going to be working together huh?"**

**"I promise. I'll go home and pack some stuff before I go over."** Then she nodded, **"Yeah. Um, how do you think we should handle this? I mean, do you want us to continue pretending like this is the first time we've ever met?"**

Kate thought about that for a moment. She didn't want Alex to think she was ashamed of her or that she wanted to hide their relationship, but she also didn't want Alex to start her new job as 'Kate's girlfriend'. **"Um...I don't know, I mean, I love you and I don't want you to think that I don't want them to know about us, but you just started here and I don't want them to judge you as my girlfriend before you've have a chance to impress them as our ADA."** Kate paused for a moment then asked, **"So, would you be ok with acting like we just met?"**Kate hoped she wasn't messing up her chance with Alex by asking her to pretend they were just friends.

Alex pulled away and was silent for several moments as she thought about Kate's reasoning. She turned back to look at the brunette and said, **"Honey, I'm not asking you to announce that we're a couple...but I also don't want to pretend like I don't know you. What if I slipped up and said the wrong thing, you know? Can't we just...say we're friends? That we knew each other and now that I've moved home, we're reconnecting?"**

Kate nodded, grateful that Alex had thought of that angle. She knew Alex wasn't asking for much and that the blonde would never pressure her to come out if she wasn't ready. Kate realized that this was a turning point in their relationship and if she chose wrong, she could lose Alex.

**"How about we stick as close to the truth as possible? We can say we met when I was on vacation in New Mexico and you recently moved back to New York. That way, we don't have to worry about what we say, ok?" **

Alex smiled and nodded, **"I think that sounds like a plan."** She walked back over to Kate and put her arms around her, kissing her firmly on the lips before pulling back. **"As much as I hate to say this, we should probably go back out there before they start to wonder what's going on. Do you have plans for lunch?"**

Kate smiled, **"If you can get me the warrant I need, I'll be all yours for lunch."** Kate kissed Alex on the nose, **"Deal?"**

**"I'll get right on it. What's it for?"**Alex asked and then reluctantly let go of Kate.

**"Well, we need a warrant to open a letter in the victim's mail,"** she said and then proceeded to fill Alex in on the details about the case.** "So, can you get it?"**

**"Based on what you told me, it shouldn't be a problem. I'll call you once I get it."** She pecked Kate one last time on the lips and then walked over to the door and opened it, **"After you."**

Kate smiled as she walked past Alex, she whispered, **"Tonight, I'll show you how much I missed you last night."**Kate slipped out the room and headed for the interrogation room. She saw Castle standing outside waiting for her and without a word she opened the door and went in to question the nurse. Castle slipped in behind her to watch.

* * *

><p>The day passed quickly and once the warrant came through, Beckett and Castle brought Doctor Talbot and his wife in and together. Thanks to some fancy footwork they were able to get the doctor to confess to killing Eliska Sokol. As it turned out, the doctor has switched Sokol's baby with his own just after they were born and he murdered the victim to keep her from telling his wife that their son, Zane, was actually Sokol's son.<p>

After she sent the doctor to be booked and processed, she brought the victim's ex-husband in to meet Mrs. Talbot in the hopes that they could find a way to raise Zane together. When she saw that they were getting along just fine without her, Kate slipped out and headed for home with a smile on her face. She was walking down the hallway towards her apartment when she saw Alex standing against the wall next to her door. Kate grinned as she walked up to her gorgeous blonde girlfriend, **"Hey baby, waiting for someone?" **

Alex smiled, **"Yeah. I guess I'm a little early. I kept hoping you'd get off the elevator before any of your neighbors did. I didn't want them to think I was weird for sitting outside your door with a suitcase."**

Kate stepped closer and took Alex into her arms. She kissed her and said, **"I personally don't care what the neighbors think, but let's get inside before we end up giving them a show ok?"**Kate took out her keys and opened the door, letting Alex walk in first.

Alex rolled her suitcase and said, **"I'm going to go put this into your room, if that's ok."**

**"Go right ahead. I'll see what I can make us for dinner. What are you in the mood for?"**Kate asked as she closed the door behind them.

**"Anything is fine with me baby. You're an amazing cook,"** she smiled and then rolled her luggage to the bedroom. She set it down in the corner out of the way and then took off her heels, putting them next to her bag. She walked back into the living room and asked, **"Do you want to watch a movie after dinner?"**

Kate looked up from the other side of the fridge door and smiled, **"That sounds good. I've got the makings of a nice pasta dish, why don't you go pick out a DVD while I get started on dinner?"**

Alex nodded and then went to the entertainment center to find something. She looked at the selection and asked, **"How about _The Devil Wears Prada?_"**

Kate smiled, **"Yeah that sounds good. I'll get started with dinner."**Kate went back to her task of gathering the ingredients while the bowtie pasta boiled.

Alex popped the DVD in the player and let it load, but didn't press play. She walked into the kitchen and smiled as she watched Kate standing at the stove. She loved that sight. **"So, I picked up some wine on the way over. Are we having red sauce or white?"**

Kate looked up from the stove where she was preparing the sauce and smiled at Alex, **"Alfredo sauce. Is that ok?"**

**"Sounds great. I picked up a bottle of red and white just in case. I'll be right back."**She went to the bedroom and opened her bag, taking out the two bottles before returning to the kitchen. She set the bottle of white down and put the red in the fridge to chill. Then she went to the utensil drawer and pulled out the corkscrew.

Kate watched Alex's movements in her kitchen and smiled at how familiar she was with the layout. It had only been a few days but already Alex looked like she belonged there and Kate suddenly had a vision of Alex living there with her. She could see the two of them making dinner together every night, Kate teaching Alex to cook and then watching a movie or listening to music before heading to bed together. Needless to say, Kate liked that idea. In Santa Fe, they had, in a sense, lived together and Kate wanted that back.

She idly wondered if it was too soon to ask Alex to stay with her, but decided to bring it up later that night to see how Alex felt about it. For now, she turned back to the stove with a smile.

After popping the cork, Alex took two wine glasses from the cupboard above her. She poured two equal amounts and then walked over to hand Kate her glass so that she could take a sip. Alex set her own glass down and put her arms around Kate, kissing her on the neck.** "Ryan and Esposito must think I'm crazy..."**

Kate smiled, though she was a little puzzled, **"Why would you say that?"**

**"Because I thought I was hallucinating when I saw you and Castle walk into the precinct. Seriously, I thought I was having some sort of weird dream."**

Kate chuckled, **"And they were with you when that happened?"**

**"Yes. I had a little moment while I was getting some coffee and they both saw it..."**she said, burying her face into Kate's neck.

Kate tilted her head back and to the side to allow Alex better access. **"So, why would seeing me make you think you were hallucinating? I know you weren't expecting to see me there but...am I what you would hallucinate? And with Castle, no less?"**

**"Because it was just...surreal. Honestly, I've had weirder things happen in my dreams after eating Chinese late at night, but think about it, what are the odds of you and Rick Castle walking into the place where I just started work? Not saying I wasn't thrilled to see you, just weirded out."**

Kate smiled, **"I can see how that would mess with your head. Don't worry baby, the guys won't care that you zoned out for a moment."** Kate turned to face Alex and wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck, **"I like the idea of working together, means I'll get to see you more."**Then she leaned forward and kissed Alex.

Alex smiled, **"You think you'll still feel that way after we work our first case?"**

Kate looked at Alex, **"Why wouldn't I?"**Granted, she hadn't really worked with ADAs much. Of the few times she had, it was usually when she had to testify in court and based on that, she was pretty ok with her experiences.

**"I can be kind of tough,"**Alex said, putting on a hard face.

Kate grinned, **"I've dealt with tough. Besides, since I don't send cases to the DA's office until we have the right guy, so there shouldn't be a problem. If I can deal with Castle's annoying presence, I can handle you in 'tough' mode, I think."**Kate placed a kiss on Alex's neck.

Alex grinned, **"Oh yeah? We'll see about that later...maybe I'll have to play a little rough."**She tweaked an eyebrow and spanked Kate on the ass.

Kate grinned and lightly bit down on Alex's neck, soothing the mark with her tongue before pulling back. When she glanced down at the mark, all traces of playfulness vanished and she suddenly flashed back to their last morning together in Santa Fe. She remembered that moment in the shower when she'd lost control and bitten Alex. Kate began to lightly shake and she pulled away from Alex, turning her attention back to the stove.

Alex knew exactly what had crossed Kate's mind and she touched the brunette's shoulder, **"Honey, don't..."**

Kate was spiraling into the past, remembering how she'd hurt Alex and how she'd vowed never to do that again. She was deep in her thoughts when the touch of Alex's hand on her shoulder startled her back to reality and she jumped a little.

Alex rubbed Kate's back, **"Kate, look at me please..."**

Kate took a breath then and there were tears in her eyes but they hadn't fallen yet. She lowered her head, unable to look at Alex after having bitten her again, leaving teeth marks on her again, even if they were faint.

Alex lifted Kate's chin and looked into her eyes, **"Baby, please...come on, don't cry. I'm fine, see?"**She touched her shoulder and there was only a bit of faint pink.

Kate blinked the tears away and looked at Alex's neck. When she saw that teeth marks were gone she took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. **"I'm sorry Alex. I...I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry I hurt you."**

Kate threw herself into Alex's arms and held her tight, her face buried in Alex's chest, well away from her neck.

Alex soothed her,** "Shhh, Kate, it's ok. You didn't hurt me. You were just being playful like I was. It's ok for us to do that, baby, because we know the limit...you know what's ok and what's not."**

Kate turned her head so her words wouldn't be muffled when she said, **"I'm just, scared of going too far. I crossed the line in Santa Fe, and I almost crossed it again. I'm scared that one day I'll lose myself and really hurt you."**Kate tightened her grip on Alex's waist.

**"Honey, we need to really sit down and talk about this...I don't want you to always be terrified of hurting me,"**Alex said, holding her close.

Kate thought about that and she knew Alex was right. **"Ok, but can it wait until after dinner? I just, I need a little distance between this and talking about it, is that ok?"**Kate needed time to fortify herself for such a conversation. She didn't want to hurt Alex ever in any way and she knew that if they didn't talk about this, it would always be hanging over their relationship.

**"Of course. Why don't I go set the table and give you some time, ok?"**She kissed Kate on the lips and then went to another cabinet to take out some pasta bowls. She set them down next to the stove for Kate and then took two sets of silverware from a drawer and went to the dining room to set them out.

Kate waited for Alex to leave the kitchen before she rested her hands on the counter and took a deep breath. _'I can do this, it's no big deal. We can talk about this and it'll be ok. I can control myself, I can keep myself from hurting Alex. I can do this.'_ Kate thought to herself. She lifted her head and squared her shoulders before serving the pasta into the bowls. She carried them into the dining room and smiled when she noticed that Alex had also brought the wine glasses to the table. **"Let's eat."**

Alex smiled and sat down. She topped off both glasses of wine and then picked up her fork, **"This looks amazing, Kate."** She took some pasta onto her fork and blew on it before taking a bite, **"Mmmm."**

Kate smiled and began eating. She loved it that Alex had a normal appetite and that she usually loved anything she cooked. Kate took a sip of her wine.** "I'm glad you like it."**

**"I feel bad that I don't cook more. But I'm nowhere near as good as you, as you might already know,"**she said with a chuckle. She loved Kate and she wanted her to know that she appreciated everything she did for her.

Kate grinned, **"I love cooking for you though. It's one small way for me to show you how much I love you."**Kate reached out and placed her hand on Alex's.

Alex smiled, **"I know, but I just feel like I don't have anything to give back. It's not about keeping score, I know that, but I feel like a bum."**

Kate smiled and said, **"You came back to me. You could've stayed in Santa Fe after you were released from Witness Protection. You could've come back to New York and avoided me, forgetting about me and going back to your old squad, your ex even, but you didn't. You came back to me. You kept on loving me this whole time...that's more than I had hoped for this past year. I had thought that you had forgotten about me, found someone else, that our time together was nothing more than a fling for you. Especially after the way I hurt you before I left, but you're here with me. That's enough Alex."**Kate gently squeezed Alex's hand as she explained.

Alex squeezed back, **"I just...when we're together...I want to be able to do things too. I don't always want to bring home take out when it's my turn to cook or whatever. I want to split things equally..."**

Kate grinned, **"Well then...how about I teach you how to cook? I mean if you want that?"**

Alex grinned like she was a little kid, **"Really? You'd give me lessons?"**

**"Of course I would. I think it would be fun...especially with the right incentives."**Kate grinned. She was already picturing kisses as rewards for good work...and other sexy rewards for bigger jobs.

**"I'd love that, Kate. I could come over a few nights or you could come over to my place and we could practice there. It'd be so much fun."**

Kate nodded, silently wondering if now was the time to bring up what she was thinking. **"Um, Alex...I was wondering about something...how much longer are you planning to live at the hotel?"**

**"Um, not much longer. About a week, I guess. Why?"**

Kate lowered her head and focused on her plate as she said, **"Oh, because, um...I was thinking that it might be...good if you um, moved in here? I know we've only been together a few days this time but in Santa Fe we were together only a few days when you suggested I stay with you. This is like that, except that we know each other better now."**Kate stopped talking to give Alex a chance to respond. She stared at her plate as she waited.

Alex took a sip of wine and then spoke in a soft voice, not wanting to hurt Kate's feelings, **"Honey, I...I would like that, but...the thing is, I already put a down payment on a loft and...to be honest, I think I need a little bit more time before I can move in with you. I just need to get readjusted to New York and I mean, we can spend time together, but I have to find my feet again..."** She touched Kate's arm,** "Please don't hate me..."**

Kate looked up at Alex, **"I don't hate you baby, I never could. I understand that you need time and as much as I would love to live with you now, I can wait until you're ready. I didn't know you already had a place set up. I just didn't want you to keep wasting money on the hotel. So...when you move into this loft, can I come over?"**

**"Are you kidding? You're going to come over all the time!"** she said with a beaming smile. **"But I'll make you a deal. How about for the next week I check out of the hotel and stay here? Does that sound fair?"**

Kate smiled, **"I like that idea. Though it will be hard to have you move out after a week, but...I'll take a week with you here, all the time, with me."** Kate lifted Alex's hand to her lips for a kiss. **"Since we're done eating, how about we go watch that movie?"**

**"Sounds good. Though do you mind if I get a little ice cream? You know how I have a sweet tooth. Do you want some?"**

Kate's eyes lit up, **"Ooh, sounds good, do you need a hand?"**

**"No, you go get settled and I'll take care of dessert."**She stood and gathered both plates and returned to the kitchen to put them to soak and get the ice cream. About five minutes later, she handed Kate a bowl and joined her on the couch.

Kate waited for Alex to get settled on the couch before she shifted closer and rested her head on the blonde's shoulder. With her ice cream bowl in one hand and the remote in the other, Kate smiled at the domesticity of the moment before she pressed play and set the remote down. She looked up at Alex, **"I like this."**

**"Me too, baby. I love doing this, sharing an amazing meal and then relaxing together before bed. I love you so much, Kate."**

Kate placed her bowl on the coffee table and wrapped her arms around Alex, **"I love you too Alex."** Kate sighed in contentment then said, **"This is how I always wanted it to be with us. This whole year apart, all I wanted was to have you here with me, snuggling on the couch."**Kate turned her head and leaned up to kiss Alex.

Alex looked into her eyes, **"Me too, honey. I would snuggle up with the pillow you slept on and I could inhale your scent and it somehow made it bearable. But being without you was so hard..."**

**"Well at least you had a pillow...I didn't have anything with your scent on it. All I had of you was this,"** Kate held up her hand with the ring Alex had given her. Kate had slipped it on while Alex went to get the ice cream. **"It kept me close to you in my mind, but it doesn't compare to having you right here with me." **

Alex set her own bowl down and kissed Kate, her tongue slipping into the brunette's mouth. She wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and was enjoying being close to her, but she noticed that Kate was hesitant. She pulled back and looked into her eyes, **"What's wrong?"**

Kate turned to look at the movie on the screen. Andy had just gotten the job with Miranda and she smiled at the scene but then faced Alex, **"I...it's just...I think we should be careful."**

Alex exhaled, **"Forever?"**

Kate frowned, **"Not forever just...I don't know...I just don't want to risk hurting you."**

**"Talk to me about this Kate. You said we would after dinner."**

Kate sighed, **"Remember when I told you about Amber?"** Alex nodded, **"Well...what I didn't tell you was what happened after I got away from her."**Kate stopped, unsure if she could actually say what she'd done.

Alex paused the movie and then took Kate's hand, **"It's ok baby, I'm here."**

Kate took a breath, **"Lanie convinced me that I needed something to help me heal, so I started taking self-defense lessons. I got very...um...well I think the word Lanie used near the end was obsessed. I started doing strength training as well as the fighting moves. When I joined the academy, I would take on anyone who wanted to spar, men, women, it didn't matter. I sent them all limping off the mat. It got to the point where no one wanted to spar with me. I haven't really been in a serious relationship with anyone since then, apart from the occasional date, but I know that I have the strength to seriously hurt you if I lose control. The biting is the least of my worries."**Kate had to stop talking, scared that Alex would be angry with her and ready to leave.

**"You make it sound like you're some sort of monster. You're strong, you have to be in your line of work, but it doesn't mean that you're going to start throwing me into walls or punching me in the face. That's not you, Kate. I don't care how many people you sparred with, being in a controlled environment where you can let go and being here is different and you know that."**

Kate slowly shook her head, **"But what happens the next time we're playing around and I forget myself and I hurt you? I don't like the thought that I could do that, I never want to hurt you Alex."**

**"I'm not a China doll, Kate. I'm tough..."** she said with a smile.** "So long as you don't plan to bite me so hard that you take a piece of me with you, I can handle the occasional playful bite..."**

**"This isn't funny Alex. In Santa Fe I almost did break the skin."**Kate wasn't ready to joke about this.

**"But you didn't, Kate. You knew when enough was enough. I trust you to know that now, too,"** Alex said, the smile gone from her face. **"I mean, if you're telling me that you're always going to feel like this, how are we supposed to move forward?"**

Kate thought about that. She wanted to have a life with the beautiful blonde, a family eventually. She wanted to move forward and Kate knew the only way she would be able to do that was by easing into the playful fun. **"I don't know. But I have an idea. If you're willing to be patient with me."**Kate had a sudden fear that this would be too much for Alex, that she would decide it wasn't worth it and leave her...and in Kate's mind, when Alex left her, it was always to go back to her ex.

**"Tell me,"**Alex said, caressing Kate's cheek, encouraging her to be honest.

Kate took a breath. **"I love you Alex, I want us to one day have a family and get married and spend the rest of my life with you. I don't ever want to lose you. I think, I might be able to get past this fear I have if we...take it slowly. Start small and work our way up to the big stuff."** Kate smiled, **"I liked that little tap you gave me earlier...I think we should start with something small like that."** Kate looked carefully at Alex, **"What do you think?"**

Alex nodded, **"I think that sounds like a great idea. We can practice as much as it takes to get you comfortable."** She kissed Kate's nose and rested her forehead against the brunette's, **"I just want you to feel safe and secure."**

Kate sighed in relief and spoke from her heart, **"I feel safe when I'm with you, like this. Just us together with no pressure or anything. You and I had a great weekend together, I felt safe with you. It's only when the...kinky stuff comes into play that I start getting nervous."**Kate knew she sounded like a boring, vanilla-flavored prude but she couldn't help it.

**"Honey, I'll be honest with you, I'm not very adventurous usually. I like the occasional fun like a little spanking or silk scarves, but trust me, I won't put you in a position where you feel uncomfortable. When you're ready to experiment a little with me, we can, but until then, I'm more than happy having boring ol' mind-blowing sex,"**she said with a grin.

Kate smiled and leaned forward to kiss Alex. She let her tongue slip out and when Alex opened her mouth, Kate slipped her tongue in and deepened the kiss. Kate ran her hand around Alex's waist and pulled her closer, loving the feel of Alex's body against hers. Kate let out a moan at the contact.

Alex started leaning back, pulling Kate with her. She just wanted to kiss Kate and let her know that everything was going to be ok. She rubbed Kate's back, lifting her blouse to gently scratch her skin.

Kate shifted and pressed forward, following Alex down on the couch. Kate placed her hands on the couch to hold herself above Alex as she pulled back and said, **"I love you baby."**Kate lowered her head and began kissing Alex's neck, being very careful to keep her teeth away as she licked and kissed and sucked on Alex's soft skin.

**"I love you too. Never forget that."**

Kate smiled as she continued down to Alex's collarbone. She lifted her head and asked, teasingly, **"So...did you want to finish watching the movie or...?"**Kate left the other option open, letting Alex fill in the blank.

**"We can always finish it later...let's go to your room."**She sat up with Kate and took the detective's hand. She led her to the bedroom and helped her down onto the bed so that they could pick up where they'd left off.

TBC


	15. Telling The Guys

**Chapter 15: Telling the Guys**

_Two weeks later..._

The next two weeks passed in relative calmness. Alex stayed with Kate for a week until her loft was ready and then Kate helped her move in. That first night, they christened every room in the loft and slowly it started to feel like home for Alex. Although they'd decided to have separate spaces for now, they often spent the night at each other's places to help them ease into the idea of living together.

Kate was grateful that things at home were going so well because work was really starting to frustrate her. Castle had taken to hitting on Alex every time they were in the same room together and Kate knew he was doing it on purpose because she'd made the mistake of telling him that she didn't like it. Of course Castle believed that Kate's dislike of his flirting with Alex stemmed from the fact that she was jealous that he wasn't hitting on her, and that made him happy. He wanted Kate to feel like she was missing out.

Kate, unfortunately, had no choice but to let him think that she was upset over the lack of attention because she wasn't ready to tell him the truth. The only thing that kept her somewhat sane was the fact that Alex never encouraged him. She also found comfort when she realized that today was her last day at work for the week and tomorrow night, she'd have Alex all to herself.

They decided to spend the night at Alex's loft and after a wonderful dinner, the two retired to the living room to cuddle on the couch. There was light jazz playing in the background as Kate held Alex in her arms and everything was quiet, at least until Alex's cell phone rang. The blonde slowly reached over to the coffee table to see who was calling and sighed when she saw Rick's picture on the screen.

Kate shook her head, **"Don't answer it."**

**"He'll keep calling until I do. Just give me one second and I'll get rid of him, ok?"** Alex slid her finger across the screen to answer,** "Hello, Rick."**

Castle smiled when he heard Alex's voice, **"Alex, hi, how's my favorite lawyer doing?"**

**"I'm fine. How are you?"**

Kate began lightly rubbing circles on Alex's bare stomach as she talked on the phone.

Castle was walking around his home office, **"I'm good. I was wondering if you wanted to meet me for a drink tonight?" **

Although Beckett had told him that Alex had a date that night, he was confident that the blonde would say yes. Beckett always said that Alex had a date whenever he brought up his plans to ask the blonde out, but there was no evidence she was dating anyone and Alex had always responded well to his flirting, so he knew that Beckett was just trying to keep the two of them apart. Normally he'd take that as a good indicator of Kate's interest, but the more time that passed, the more Castle realized that he was really starting to like Alex and he knew that he wanted to take a chance with her.

Alex closed her eyes and tried to keep from moaning while Kate tickled her. She registered the words "me" and "drink" and she opened her eyes again, **"Oh...um, you know, I can't. I'm actually with someone right now... I'm sorry, Rick."**

Castle was surprised by her answer, but he quickly rallied, **"Oh. Well that's fine. Maybe another night? I promise you'll have fun."**Castle wasn't going to give up that easily.

**"Well, you see, the thing is, it's getting pretty serious, so I don't think we'll be able to go for drinks anytime in the foreseeable future. I'm really sorry,"**she said. It was a heartfelt apology; she hated hurting anyone's feelings.

Rick was quiet for a moment and then he said, **"Oh, I see. Well, whoever he is, he's a really lucky guy. I'm just going to say goodnight, but before I do, can we pretend this phone call never happened?"**He wasn't keen on getting teased by the guys and Beckett if Alex told them about this.

**"Of course. I hope you find someone really special Rick. Have a good night."** Alex ended the call and set the phone down. She let out a deep breath and then realized that Kate had stilled. She looked at the brunette and said, **"Uh oh...are you going to kill him?"**

Kate brought herself out of her fantasies of torturing Castle and looked at Alex, **"What?"**

**"I asked if you're planning to kill him?"**

Kate smiled at Alex, **"Who? Castle? No baby, that would be way too much paperwork."**Kate's hand flattened against Alex's stomach.

**"Good, because I really don't want to drive up to Rikers when I want to see you. I would do it, but I wouldn't like it. Besides it was pretty harmless. He just wanted to go out for a drink and he backed off once I told him I was seeing someone."**

Kate wasn't convinced though, **"He may have backed off but that doesn't mean he'll give up. He'll bide his time, wait until it looks like you're single again or that you were lying about seeing someone and he'll ask you out again. He's like that."**

**"So what do you want to do? I mean, there's not a whole lot of options short of telling him that we're dating or getting me a fake boyfriend..."**

Kate had been thinking a lot about that lately...usually when she had to sit back and watch Castle hitting on Alex: bringing her coffee, complimenting her outfits, and now, asking her out. Kate began lightly rubbing Alex's stomach again as she said, **"Well...I've been thinking about this and I was wondering how you would feel about telling Castle and the guys about us."**

Alex's mouth fell open slightly and she just looked at Kate. Did she just hear what she thought she heard? **"You- you'd be willing to tell them about us?"**

Kate smiled as she began to feel more and more like this was the right thing to do. **"Yeah I am. I'm not saying we'll tell the whole world because we both have to be careful about our public image, you with the DA's office and me with the whole Nikki Heat thing, but...yeah I want the guys to know about us. Would you be okay with it?"**

Alex beamed and nodded, **"Yes! Oh my God, yes! You have no idea how much I want this. Just to be able to be honest for the first time and not have to watch what I say or how I look at would be a dream come true, baby!"**

Kate smiled, **"Good, I'm glad you feel that way. I know it's been hard these last two weeks hiding our relationship at work. It's been hard for me too. I've been so scared of saying the wrong thing or letting my hand linger too long on your arm when I'm making a point."** Kate pulled Alex closer, **"I want us to be open about our relationship. No more hiding."**Kate leaned forward and kissed Alex's lips.

Alex kissed her back, showing all the love and appreciation she felt over Kate's bravery. She pulled back and gazed deep into Kate's eyes, **"You can wear your ring to work once we tell them."**

Kate smiled, **"Yes I can. And I promise I will."** Kate kissed Alex again then pulled back and said, **"I was thinking that maybe we should invite the guys, Castle, and Lanie over for lunch tomorrow and tell them. What do you think?"**

**"I think that'd be great. We can have a late lunch here with some nice, light jazz playing in the background and we can order out unless you want to cook. I'll open up this special bottle of wine that I've been saving for a special occasion and we'll just have fun. Sound good?"**

Kate smiled, **"Yeah I like that. And we can order out, it'll be less stressful that way."** Kate hugged Alex closer, **"We're really going to do this, right? You sure you want this?"**Kate didn't want Alex to feel pressured just because the brunette couldn't keep her jealousy in line.

Alex nodded, the glint in her eyes telling Kate that she was ready, **"Yeah, I want this more than I can say, baby. I know that it's a big step and that it might change things for us at work, but with you by my side, we can handle anything."**

Kate smiled, **"Yeah we can."**Kate leaned forward and began kissing Alex's neck.

Alex smiled, pulling her hair back for Kate, but then a thought crossed her mind. **"Um, babe, I hate to spoil the mood, but are you sure that you're ready to do this? I got so caught up thinking about me that I didn't even bother to ask you."**

Kate lifted her head and smiled, **"Yeah sweetie, I'm sure. I want us to be able to be in the same room together without having to worry about saying the wrong thing. I want you to be able to sit on the corner of my desk in your short, tight skirts that show off your gorgeous legs while others are in the room, not just after hours when we're alone. More than anything, I want to let Castle know once and for all that you're mine so he'll stop hitting on you. Seriously, if I have to listen to him flirt with you or ask you out for drinks one more time I am going to hurt him."**

Alex smiled and then pulled Kate back to her, **"You're not the only one who's glad that's going to stop. His charm was laid on so thick I felt like I needed a shower after talking to him."**

Kate giggled, **"I know what you mean. Do you know, the first time I met him, he actually said to me, 'if it makes you feel any better, I'd be happy to let you spank me'?"**Kate shook her head.

Alex raised an eyebrow, **"You know, I should really introduce him to an old friend of mine...he's a big fan of spanking and he might just put Castle in his place..."**

Kate grinned, **"I like the way you think. Though I don't think Castle swings that way."**Kate leaned down and kissed Alex's neck.

**"Hey, you never know...look at you and me,"** she said with a chuckle. She ran her fingers through Kate's hair, **"You know, I had a baby dream last night..."**

Kate wiggled her eyebrows as she smiled, **"Oh really? Want to tell me about it?" **

**"Well, we were at my mom's old house upstate and little Lis was about six months old or so. She was on her tummy on her favorite blanket learning how to crawl. She was headed in your direction and the way she smiled when she looked at you just made my heart melt."**

Kate smiled, her eyes misting over at the image Alex had described. **"That sounds so wonderful. I can't wait until we have our family."** Kate kissed Alex again, **"I want that with you."**

**"You can teach our little one all about comic books, gourmet cooking, and mystery novels,"**Alex said with a chuckle.

**"Oh count on it baby. Can't have our child go through life not knowing the difference between Marvel and DC,"**Kate giggled.

**"I'll just handle the mundane things like horseback riding and piano playing,"** Alex said with a chuckle. **"She was beautiful...I wish you could've seen. Brown hair, hazel eyes, and her mom's adorable nose..."**

Kate grinned, **"You do have an adorable nose, though the rest of you is just as beautiful."**Kate began trailing light kisses down Alex's neck to her chest.

**"No, no...she had your nose, baby...she was yours, genetically. I carried her for us,"**Alex said, sighing from the pleasant sensation of Kate's lips on her chest.

Kate stopped her kisses and looked up at Alex, **"Really?" **

Alex nodded, **"Yeah. She looked like a very tiny version of you. It was adorable. Maybe it had something to do with seeing your baby pictures the other night."**

Kate shook her head, **"I knew I shouldn't have shown you those. Oh well, I like the thought of you pregnant with our baby."**Kate lowered her head and slithered down a bit to press kisses on Alex's flat tummy.

Alex smiled down at her and ran her fingers through Kate's hair, **"Are you thinking about what it's going to be like when there's a little bump down there?"**

Kate looked up at Alex, **"Yeah...I think you'd look very sexy with a baby bump." **

**"We have to get through all the un-sexy stuff first like morning sickness,"**Alex said, making a "yuck" face.

Kate smiled, **"I'd gladly hold your hair back and rub your feet and wait on you hand and foot during your pregnancy."** Kate moved up and kissed Alex, **"I love you so much."**

**"I love you, too, Kate. I can't believe this is all real and we're actually going to have everything we're talking about..."**she said, reaching up to kiss Kate again. After things fell apart between her and Olivia she never thought that she'd have a chance like this again.

Kate dropped a kiss on Alex's nose and said, **"Believe it baby. From now on you and me, we're going to have everything we've ever talked about. Nothing and no one is ever going to come between us."**Kate sealed her promise with a kiss that quickly deepened.

**"How do you think Castle is going to handle it when we tell him tomorrow?"**Alex asked after they pulled apart from the kiss.

Kate thought about it for a moment and then chuckled as she said, **"He'll probably be crushed for all of five seconds before he starts picturing us together and thinking of ways to incorporate this into his next Nikki Heat novel."**

**"Oh yeah, I hadn't thought about that...I really hope he doesn't get any bright ideas about introducing a blonde ADA."**she said, totally hoping to avoid that situation.

**"Oh I don't know, it might be a great idea. He could call it Legal Heat, you know?"**Kate teased.

**"You know he's going to want to 'observe' us as research if he does decide to turn Nikki Heat into a lesbian."**Alex threw back.

**"Yeah well...not even the Mayor will convince me to let that happen and if he tries well...we can always introduce him to that friend of yours."**

Alex laughed, **"Oh, Bruno would love him."** Then she asked, **"How about we forget all the talk of Castle and go take a nice, hot bath before bed?"**

**"Yes please, I love the way you think. I always love taking baths with you."** Kate stood up and held her hand out to Alex, **"Come on."**

Alex took Kate's hand and went with her to the bathroom. She filled the tub and helped Kate undress before undressing herself. She added a few drops of rose oil to the water and then stepped into the tub with Kate, the brunette settling back so that she could hold Alex. She relaxed into Kate's embrace and said, **"I got a call from my cousin today. She's going out of town next weekend and wanted to know if I'd be willing to watch Kevin on Saturday. My uncle and his wife are busy or else they would do it..."**

Kate wrapped her arms around Alex's warm, wet body and kissed Alex's neck.** "I'd love to meet your little cousin and I think it would be fun to have him over for the day. Do you think he'll like me?"**Kate hadn't met Kevin yet, but she really wanted to get to know him and the rest of Alex's family.

**"He'll love you babe. The only thing is, he might be a little jealous at first, but that's only because of his little boy crush. Once he gets to know you, he's going to forget all about that."**

Kate chuckled, **"He has a crush on you? Well I hope he doesn't hate me because you're mine."**

**"I wouldn't be surprised if he changed his mind and started crushing on you instead. You're pretty irresistible,"**she said, caressing Kate's thighs.

Kate closed her eyes when she felt Alex's hands on her thighs and she placed a line of kisses from Alex's shoulder up to her ear lobe. She lightly nibbled on the soft skin before she whispered into Alex's ear, **"Somehow I doubt he'll be easily swayed from his beautiful blonde crush to a plain ol' brunette like me. After all _Gentlemen Prefer Blondes_ is more than just a movie title. Admittedly, I'm glad you're an exception to that rule."**Kate began drawing little circles on Alex's abs.

Alex's abs tightened when Kate mentioned liking brunettes and she nodded, **"Yeah..."**It seemed like tall, dark brunettes were her type. Add "detective" to the mix and that basically encompassed Alex's entire lesbian history. The last thing she wanted Kate to know was how similar she and Olivia happened to be because she knew that Kate would never believe it to be coincidental.

Kate felt the tension in Alex's abs but she dismissed it as a reaction to her touch. Kate smiled against Alex's neck, **"You know, I once toyed with dyeing my hair red, but thankfully Lanie talked me out of it."** Kate's tongue reached out and licked the droplets of water from the back of Alex's neck. **"I'm glad I stayed a brunette...you might not have looked at me twice if I hadn't listened to Lanie."**

**"It's not about the color of your hair,"**Alex said a bit more forcefully than she meant to. She just wanted Kate to know that that her attraction wasn't entirely about how she looked physically. It was her personality, her intelligence, her humor, and her kindness.

Kate tightened her grip. **"Oh really? Tell me Miss Cabot, what _is_ it about?"**Kate's playful tone made it clear she wasn't being as serious as Alex.

**"It's about...everything. Not just what's on the outside, but everything. When I first saw you, yeah, I thought you were attractive, but there was more to it than that. It was the way you carried yourself that drew my eye."**

Kate thought about that for a moment and she was reminded of all the times that Lanie teased her about not needing a badge to let people she was detective. Kate smiled, **"The way I carried myself? Lanie's always telling me that even a blind man would know I was a cop by the way I walked."** Kate paused a moment, **"So, does that mean that you secretly have a thing for cops? I mean, your ex was a cop and now you're with me..."** Kate trailed off, her tone still playful but also a bit curious. Kate chuckled, **"Are you a 'badge bunny' Alex?"**

Alex sat up, the water quickly filling the space between them, **"No, I'm not, ok? It just happened."**She was obviously perturbed by the suggestion.

Kate noticed Alex's agitation and she quickly sobered up, **"Alex, baby, I was only kidding. What's the big deal?"**Kate's voice was low but curious.

**"The big deal is that I fall in love with who I fall in love with and it has nothing to do with the job or only dating brunettes or whatever other similarities you want to come up with..."**

Kate reached her hand out and cupped Alex's cheek, caressing her skin as she said, **"Baby I know that. I was just kidding around. I mean, you didn't know I was a cop until a few weeks ago and you already loved me by that point. I'm sorry for bringing up your ex, but..."** Kate paused and looked down, **"I've tried not to let it get to me, but I can't help but wonder about her. I mean, you loved her, you planned a life with her before you were shot and...well it gets to me. I'm sorry."**Kate knew she needed to get over her insecurities about Alex's ex but it was easier said than done.

Alex sighed, **"Look, I can't change what happened in my past...all I can do is try and move forward and I want you with me while I do it. I don't want to get into comparisons between you and her, Kate. She's out of my life, ok?"**

Kate smiled, she leaned forward and kissed Alex, **"Ok, from now on, I promise I won't bring her up again. Now, are you going to stay all the way over there or can I hold you in my arms again?"**

Alex softened when she saw Kate's puppy dog eyes and leaned back, **"You can hold me again. I'm sorry I got so bitchy about that, baby. I just don't want her creeping into our relationship."**

Kate wrapped her arms around Alex again and, in an effort to keep her promise, she said, **"Who?"**

Alex chuckled, **"Thanks, baby."** She closed her eyes and placed her hands back on Kate's thighs, **"What do you think we should get for tomorrow?"**

Kate smiled as she thought about it for a moment, **"Do you know if Mesa Grill does carry out?"**

**"As a matter of fact, I happen to know somebody down there...I'm sure I could put in a special request. I'll print out the menu in the morning and we'll pick out a nice spread,"**she said with a grin.

**"Oh really? I like the sound of that."**Kate began kissing Alex's neck again.

Alex chuckled, **"If you're planning to start that, maybe we should think about moving to the bed. The water's starting to get cold..."**

Kate grinned as she shifted her leg and pulled the plug out of the tub's drain. **"Way ahead of you baby."**

Alex stood and helped Kate up. She kissed her and then grabbed two towels. She wrapped Kate up first and then covered herself, drying off quickly so that they could continue things in their room.

Kate followed Alex into the bedroom and pulled Alex back against her. She began to nibble on her neck again as she quickly removed both their towels. She loved feeling Alex's skin against her because it always made her feel complete. **"I love you so much Alex,"**Kate whispered into the blonde's ear.

**"I love you too, baby. You've made me so happy tonight, I hope you know that,"**Alex said as she embraced her.

**"I hope so. I love making you happy. I want to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you make me."**Kate tightened her grip on her blonde lover and she nuzzled her neck.

Alex pulled Kate back with her onto the bed and continued kissing her. It wasn't long before they lost themselves in the moment and they made love, happily reaching climax together before falling into a sound and pleasant sleep.

TBC...


	16. Secrets Revealed

**Chapter 16: Secrets Revealed**

Alex woke up the next morning about 11 o'clock, a nice little perk for a Sunday. She got up and took a shower, letting Kate stay in bed a little longer, and then started getting ready. She did her makeup and hair first and then put on her underwear and a robe. She figured she'd call the restaurant to order about noon so that everything would be there and ready when everyone arrived at two. She noticed Kate stirring and walked over to the bed to sit down. **"Good morning sleepy head,"**she said, leaning down to kiss Kate.

Kate reached an arm out and pulled Alex with her as she lay back down on the bed. **"Come back to bed baby,"** Kate whispered against Alex's lips. She was now thankful that they had thought to invite everyone over last night by text just before they fell asleep. Kate glanced at the alarm clock by the bed and grinned, **"We have some time."**

**"You know I would, but I just finished my hair and makeup,"**Alex said with a pout and then kissed Kate again.

Kate studied Alex's face for a moment and then she huffed and pouted. She knew she wasn't going to win this one. **"Fine. Be that way,"**Kate said mockingly.

She wasn't really angry, just a little frustrated because she'd woken up from a very...liquid dream starring her hot blonde girlfriend and now she'd have to take a cold shower to find some relief.

Alex smiled, **"Were you dreaming about me again?"**She rubbed Kate's stomach gently and peered deep into her eyes.

Kate fought back a grin as she said, **"I wake up and my first impulse is to pull you back into bed, do you really need to ask what I was dreaming about? Or rather who I was dreaming about?"**

Alex got a devious look in her eye, **"Well then, aren't you lucky I haven't done my nails yet..."** She slipped her hand lower and found Kate's legs already spread. She grinned, **"Wow, must've been some dream..."**She could feel just how wet Kate was as she placed her middle finger on Kate's clit.

Kate tried to hold on to her pout but quickly lost the battle as Alex's knowing and talented fingers began to play her like a violin. Kate moaned as she slid down a bit on the bed, desperate to be closer to that hand.

**"Oh yeah baby, just like that."**

Alex pressed her lips against Kate's, capturing her moans and whimpers, and then slid her tongue into the brunette's waiting mouth. Her fingers were dancing between Kate's legs, hitting all the right spots.

Kate surrendered to Alex's attentions as her hips began to rock against the blonde's hand while her tongue wrestled with Alex's. Kate's last real thought just before she came so hard she thought she'd pass out was that this was a great way to start her day.

Alex pulled back from the kiss so that Kate could breathe and her dark blue eyes shimmered in the morning sun, **"You are glowing, you know that? You look so beautiful right now, baby."**

Kate fought to catch her breath and just smiled at Alex. After a moment, Kate had recovered enough to flip Alex onto her back and she grinned wickedly at her girlfriend, **"I promise I won't touch your make up or your hair...but I need to taste you."** Before the blonde could protest, Kate quickly parted the robe and took off Alex's panties so that she could bury her face between her girlfriend's legs. She licked a path through the wetness that had gathered there and closed her eyes, the flavor gathering on her tongue. Kate moaned, **"I love the way you taste baby."**Then she returned to her task and no more words were needed as she used her tongue and lips to bring Alex to climax.

Alex was gripping at the sheets, so overwhelmed by Kate's take-charge attitude that it didn't take much for her to reach her peak. She bucked, her skin covered in a thin layer of sweat, while she moaned, **"Oh God, Kate, so close, so close, baby..."**

Kate loved reducing her normally poised girlfriend to her baser self. She increased the suction on Alex's clit as she slid two fingers into Alex's opening, curling them so that she could massage the blonde's g-spot.

Alex's toes curled and her abs tightened, unable to hold anything back. Her orgasm started deep inside of her and radiated out over her entire body, creating a wave of reactions from goose bumps to her nipples hardening, to her face flushing. She yelled out Kate's name and had enough presence of mind to also tell her that she loved her.

Kate kept licking at Alex as she came down from her orgasm. Kate licked her girlfriend clean then slid up her body and grinned down at her, **"I love you too baby. More and more each day."** Kate began to lean down to kiss Alex but remembered her promise. She pulled away, **"I'm going to go take a shower ok? I'll be out in a few."**Kate began to slowly lift herself off of her girlfriend and although she hated to sever the connection, she had no choice. Their friends would be arriving a few hours and she had to get ready.

Alex watched Kate saunter off naked and smiled. This was a good way to start off the day. She followed Kate into the bathroom and said, **"Sorry, I have to clean up a little, you know..."**

Kate grinned, **"Well, you could join me in the shower...if you wanted to."**Kate wiggled her backside as she stepped into the shower. Kate tilted her head up into the warm water and she sighed, loving the feel of the water cascading down her very satisfied body.

**"And start all over?"** Alex asked with a raised eyebrow. **"No thanks...I'm just going to wipe up a little and then go order lunch."**She stuck her hand into the shower and spanked Kate's ass.

Kate jumped at the contact and grinned. **"Tease!"**she shouted as she heard Alex moving around.

Alex cleaned herself up and then touched up her make-up. The hair thing was actually working better after the sex than it had before and she smiled at herself in the mirror. She went back into the bedroom to put on new underwear and get dressed. By that point, she heard the shower stop and she called to Kate, **"I'm going to go order and get everything ready."**

Kate smiled, **"Ok baby. I'll be out in a few to help."**Kate began to hum under her breath as she dried off. By the time she moved into the bedroom to find something to wear the humming had evolved into actual lyrics, though not loud enough to be made out. Kate was so caught up in the song and finding something to wear that she didn't notice Alex standing in the doorway. The blonde didn't want to intrude and stop Kate from singing.

**"What are you singing there?"**Alex asked after straining her ears for as long as they could stand it.

Kate jumped at the sound of Alex's voice and she blushed when she realized that Alex had heard her. She tried to play it off, **"Um...just a song..."**Kate's blush grew deeper and she tried to turn away.

Alex crept up behind her and wrapped her arms around Kate's waist, **"What song?"**

Kate leaned back, enjoying the embrace, and she fully appreciated the symmetry of the moment. She whispered, **"_'Your Arms Feel Like Home'_..."**

Alex smiled and kissed Kate's neck, **"Thank you, baby. You feel pretty darn good yourself."**

Kate giggled, **"Thanks, but that's the song I was singing. It's called _'Your Arms Feel Like Home,'_ it's by 3 Doors Down."** Kate paused a moment before she began to explain, **"Um, after your e-mail and after I had gotten all the venting out of my system, I um...I started listening to the radio a lot and several songs reminded me of you, of us, and I um..."** Kate felt her blush deepen again,** "I made a mixed CD of the songs. I listened to it a lot. _'Your Arms Feel Like Home'_ was one of the songs."**Kate closed her eyes, not wanting to see Alex's reaction in case she was planning to mock her or laugh or tease her.

Alex felt tears sting her eyes and she kissed Kate's shoulder, **"I love you so much, Kate..."**

Kate held onto Alex's hands around her waist, **"I love you too Alex."**

**"I'm so sorry I put you through all of that, baby..."** she brushed Kate's soft skin with her lips. **"Will you play the CD for me sometime?"**

Kate turned around and placed her hands on Alex's face to look into her eyes. When she was sure she had the blonde's attention, she said, **"Listen to me. If going through all that was the price I had to pay to have you here with me now, then it was worth it. I wouldn't trade any of it if it meant I couldn't have you now. I love you and I have loved you since that day in Santa Fe when you gave me the hot chocolate with the most whipped cream."** Kate smiled,** "I will love you until the day I die. I forgave you for that whole year of silence once I knew what had happened, so you never have to apologize for it again, ok?"**

There were tears falling down Alex's cheeks, but she smiled at Kate and leaned in to kiss her. **"Is that what sealed the deal, baby? The extra whipped cream? Because I'd always give you anything to make you happy, for the rest of my life I'll do that. I think that's why I want to carry your baby, I want to give you the most precious gift I can to show you just how much I love you."**

Kate smiled, **"It didn't seal the deal but it got my heart to the negotiating table. What really sealed the deal was when you asked me to teach you how to make _Malukuao_. It was my mother's recipe and...she's a big part of me. The fact that you wanted to learn it, and that you have learned it, means more to me than I can express."**Kate leaned forward and kissed Alex.

The blonde kissed her back and was just about to lose herself when she heard a knock at the door. She pulled back and looked at the time, **"Oh, that must be the food. I'll be right back baby."**She let go of Kate and rushed to the door to let the deliveryman in.

Kate let her go, using the time to get her emotions under control before their guests arrived. Once she was certain that she was ok, Kate left the bedroom and found Alex in the kitchen taking the food containers out of bags. The blonde was emptying them onto serving plates so it would be ready to serve when their guests arrived. Kate grinned, **"Are you going to try to pass this off as your own cooking?" **

**"Are you kidding? No one would believe it. I'm going to pass this off as 'I have very good connections to get Mesa Grill delivered to my door,'"** she said with a grin. **"I just want everything to look perfect. Help me carry these out?"**She carried two dishes out and set them down.

Kate helped her then she turned to Alex, **"I never did ask, what exactly are these 'very good connections?'"**Kate was very curious now.

**"I...I know the owner. Met him one night at some party and he hit on me...Turned him down flat,"**she said with a shrug.

**"The owner of Mesa hit on you?"** Kate's voice made it obvious she wasn't happy with that. **"And you still talk to him?"**

**"He's married now and he told me if I ever needed anything, to call. I got in touch with his chef and they took care of it, that's all."**

Kate calmed down a bit, **"Oh."**She turned away and went back to the kitchen to pour a glass of water. She took the Brita pitcher from the fridge and grabbed a glass from the cabinet, filling it to the top.

Alex walked into the kitchen and leaned in the doorway, **"Are you mad?"**

Kate took another gulp of water before she said, **"Only at myself."**

**"You thought I maybe did some 'favor' for him to get this kind of service?"**Alex asked, curious to know where Kate was coming from.

Kate turned around so fast she almost spilled water on the floor, **"No! Definitely not, no. I know you better than that honey."**

**"Then why are you so upset?"**

Kate struggled to explain, **"I'm not used to this...this..."** Kate sighed, frustrated, her face taking on a slightly helpless expression, **"I've never been a jealous person, but with you...I get jealous over the slightest thing. You tell me about some random guy who hit on you and I know, _I know_ I have no reason to feel this way, but I can't stop it. It's why I want to tell the guys about us. Maybe if we can be honest and get all these guys to stop flirting with you, I'll find a way to deal with this. I'll get past it. I just don't want to feel like this anymore...I don't want to push you away..."**Kate trailed off, losing momentum with every word. She took another sip of water and refilled the glass as she waited for Alex's reaction.

**"Kate, you know that I love you and no matter how many men or women flirt with me, I'm always going to want you. If you really want to get better, then maybe you should see someone about this."**Alex said, unsure of how else to convince Kate that she was completely devoted to her.

Kate dropped her head and took a breath. She spoke in a low, firm voice, **"I know you love me and I know that you're devoted to me. I know that what we have is real and that there is no logical reason or cause for me to get jealous. I know this and yet..."** Kate paused and took another deep breath, **"I see Castle hitting on you. I see other people, men and women, looking at you when we're out together and...I don't like it. There is a part of me wants to barricade us in this apartment or in mine and just live in a little bubble where I don't have to see other people looking at you, wanting you. Then there's another part that wants us to be open, to go out on dates and have fun and just tell all those people who look at you to look all they want because you're going home with me."** Kate stopped again to drink more water, her throat drying up, **"I love you, and what's more, I know you love me too and that we're going to have a great long life together. I also know that if I don't get a grip on my jealousy I'm going to lose you and that scares me more than anything else. I'm sorry for that."**

**"We need to deal with all of this, honey. I don't want you to feel like you can't trust me or the people around me."** She walked over and put her hand on Kate's back, **"Maybe telling them will help, but if it doesn't, we need to find some way to make this better, especially if we're talking about having kids someday."**

Kate chuckled dryly, **"I do trust you. I trust you implicitly with my life and more importantly with my heart. I know I have absolutely no reason to ever be jealous, it just sneaks up on me sometimes. I promise you I will control it until it stops."** Kate reached out and took Alex's hands in hers. She held them tightly as she looked into the bluest eyes she'd ever known, **"As for kids, there's nothing that would make me happier than to see you pregnant with our child."**Kate leaned forward and kissed Alex, her tongue reaching out to tease the blonde's lips into opening and when they did, she slipped inside. She wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and pulled her so close that she could feel Alex's heart beating.

Alex was still uncertain about Kate's ability to control her impulses and it worried her. She hoped that being open with the guys would ease the tension and help Kate deal with her emotions. She pulled back, **"Come on, we have to finish getting things ready."**

Kate smiled, **"Ok, what do you need me to do?"**Kate decided to put the heavy moment away until they were alone later and just enjoy the day. Her friends were coming over and she was finally, hopefully, going to put an end to Castle's irritating flirting once and for all.

**"Um, we just need to put out the dishes and silverware. I have the wine chilling and everything else is on the table."**

**"Ok, I'll do that, why don't you relax for a bit. I feel like you've been doing all the work here. Just go sit down on the couch and I'll be in right after I get the table set ok?"**Kate dropped a quick kiss on Alex's nose.

Alex nodded and then made her way to the living room. She sat down and picked up the remote for the stereo to turn on some music, something light and not too loud. It was just right for their party. She could hear Kate moving about with the dinnerware and silver and she tried to put what had just happened out of her mind. She didn't want anything to ruin today.

Kate took her time with the plates and silverware to give Alex some time on her own. Kate finished in the kitchen and slowly walked into the living room. Kate watched her girlfriend for a moment, studying every detail about her, especially the loveliness of her profile. Kate's eyes traveled from the soft blond of her girlfriend's hair to her amazingly blue eyes and her patrician nose, then Kate's eyes lingered on Alex's lips, those extremely talented, soft, sweet lips that never failed to turn her on.

Kate felt herself growing aroused again and she cleared her throat. Alex turned to look at her, a question in her eyes. Kate smiled, **"Everything's ready. They should be arriving soon."** Kate paused, **"Is there...anything you need?"**

Alex shook her head, **"No, I'm fine. I just want to have a mini break before they get here. I'm nervous."**

Kate stepped closer, slowly, **"You're nervous? Oh, baby, there's no need to be nervous. I know they'll be cool with us and Lanie already knows and she supports us." **

**"I know. I'll be fine, I just need a few minutes to take it all in, that's all. It's a lot,"**Alex said, talking more about the jealousy issue than the party. She picked up the remote again and changed the track. A Billie Holiday song came on and she thought it was appropriate for the situation.

Kate nodded and then sat down in the armchair to give Alex some space. She turned to look out the window at the bright sunny day. Idly she wondered how the day that started so wonderfully with a mind-blowing orgasm had turned into this: the two of them upset and sitting so far apart. Kate knew she was responsible for the lion's share of the blame because of her jealousy and she vowed to work harder to control it. Kate glanced at Alex for a brief moment before turning back to the window. She didn't know how to bridge the space between them so she waited, hoping Alex would know.

Alex looked at the clock. It was almost 2 and she figured people would be arriving soon. She got up from the couch and went one last time to the bathroom to check her makeup and hair. She hated feeling so disconnected from Kate, but she needed space.

Once she was satisfied with her touch-ups, she walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind her. She looked at Kate and said, **"We should go out tonight once everyone leaves. A movie or something."**

Kate turned to look at Alex and she smiled, **"I'd like that. Maybe after the movie we could...take a walk around Times Square? We haven't done that yet, not at night anyway."**Kate's voice was hopeful, she wanted to find a way to reconnect with Alex and get back to where they had been earlier that morning, before all the drama.

**"That sounds nice. We can go to the movie theatre across from Lincoln Center and then swing around Columbus Circle and go up to the Square,"**she said, hoping that a night out would make things better.

**"That sounds like a great idea,"**Kate smiled, happy to be making plans again.

She was about to say something else when the doorbell rang. Kate took a breath and said, **"Well, here we go honey. Ready?"**

Alex smiled, **"Yes."** She took a breath and walked to the front door, smiling when she saw Lanie and Javier Esposito standing on the other side. **"Hi, I didn't know you two were coming together." **

Lanie shook her head, **"We didn't, we happened to meet up downstairs. I showed him where we were going."**

Kate smiled and stepped forward to greet her friends. She hugged them both and then went to close the door while Alex played hostess. Before Kate could close the door, however, a hand shot out and stopped it.

Kate pulled the door open and saw Castle and Ryan in the doorway with Captain Montgomery trailing just a few steps behind. Kate smiled, **"Hey Castle, Ryan...Captain, come on in."**Kate stepped back and let the guys enter, then she closed the door and locked it before she turned around and walked into the living room where every one gathered.

Lanie, Esposito, Ryan, and Castle were sitting down, Captain Roy Montgomery was standing near the stereo, and Alex was holding court near the center of the room. Kate felt her heart swell at the sight of her friends getting along so well with her girlfriend outside of work. Kate walked further into the room and stood next to Lanie who was sitting in the armchair.

**"I hope everyone is hungry,"**Alex said with a polite smile. She was used to being a hostess thanks to the many dinner parties she'd thrown and she just wanted everyone to enjoy themselves.

The guests all nodded and murmured in agreement that they were ready for lunch. Alex ushered everyone to the dining room and said, **"Have a seat anywhere you like." **

**"Where will you be sitting?"**Castle asked with a debonair smile.

Kate turned away when Castle began flirting and swallowed down her reaction before turning to Lanie. **"Hey, um, can you sit next to Castle before I kill him?" **

Kate whispered to Lanie. She made sure her face was loose so Lanie would think she was kidding.

Lanie nodded and moved to sit next to Castle, **"Castle, stop being such a dog." **

Kate laughed with everyone else when Rick turned red and looked away.

Alex pulled out a chair at the corner of the long table and offered it to Kate. She took the one next to it and waited to sit until everyone else was seated. **"I hope you all like it. We got it special delivery from Mesa Grill. Captain, would you mind doing the honors and pour the wine?"**

Roy smiled and nodded,** "It would be my pleasure Alex."**He poured wine for everyone before sitting down to eat.

Ryan and Esposito looked at each other and then Ryan looked to Alex, **"Mesa Grill? They never deliver, how'd you swing that one Counselor?"**

**"I know people,"** she said with a grin. She figured a little mystery couldn't hurt. **"I'm glad you all could make it. We wanted to do something like this so that we could all spend some time together away from work. I want to get to know all of you a little better."**

Everyone had their mouths full so a chorus of "mm-hmms" followed Alex's statement. Kate stole a glance at Alex and smiled at how calm she looked. Then she glanced at Castle but he was focused on his food. Kate slipped off her ballet flat and slowly ran her foot up Alex's leg, teasingly. Kate deliberately kept her gaze on her plate to avoid arousing suspicion.

Alex set her fork down and took a sip of her wine. She glanced at Kate for only a moment and then returned her gaze to her food to keep things low profile. Kate savored a moment of triumph before she turned to Lanie, **"So, Lanie, are you seeing anyone?"**Kate knew her friend was hiding a secret lover somewhere and she was curious to know who it was. Plus she needed a way to cleanly segue into their announcement.

Lanie looked up like a deer in the headlights and then glanced at everyone else around the table, **"Not currently, no, but I have a date next weekend."**She could've killed Kate for putting her on the spot like this, especially to suit her own needs.

Kate grinned, **"Really? Anyone we know?" **

**"No, he's a friend of a friend,"**she said, giving Kate the evil eye.

Alex tried to ease things, **"Javier, can you pass me the mashed potatoes?"**

Esposito jumped a bit but he recovered fast enough, **"Um yeah, here."**He passed Alex the bowl with the mashed potatoes.

Alex served herself a bit more and then looked over at Kate, **"Potatoes, Kate?"**The blonde could tell that everyone was as confused about Kate's behavior as she was and she wanted to do whatever she could to keep it from moving into a weird area.

Kate shook her head and then decided to let it go. After all, she didn't have actual proof that Lanie and Esposito were dating so she dropped it. Soon they lapsed into a comfortable silence as they concentrated on the meal and after lunch, they all went back into the living room. Kate hung back in the kitchen after clearing the table and she asked Alex to help her. It was a ruse to get Alex into the kitchen.

When Alex walked into the kitchen, Kate grabbed her hand pulled her to the other side of the refrigerator so that they'd be blocked from view. Alex leaned back on the counter to keep her balance as Kate leaned in for a kiss. The brunette took comfort from embracing the blonde and then pulled back,** "I think we should tell them now, you ready?"**

Alex nodded, **"Yes. I'm definitely ready to stop Castle's relentless flirting. Should I follow your lead, or...?"**

**"I got this, just don't go changing your mind,"** Kate teased, kissing Alex's neck for a moment. **"C'mon, let's go burst some bubbles."**Kate pulled away and grabbed Alex's hand to lead her to the living room.

Everyone was talking to each other, Castle obviously looking around to see what was taking Alex long. When he saw her and Kate walk into the room, the grin returned to his face. Suffice it to say he had some really dirty thoughts going through his mind about what they were doing in the kitchen.

Kate walked into the living room with Alex right behind her and grinned triumphantly when she saw Castle's smile. Whenever she'd seen that look in the past, it was always associated with something dirty. Normally she'd want to kick him for it, but now that she was so close to ripping his fantasy to shreds, she was willing to overlook it.

Kate stopped near the couch and smiled, **"Hey guys, um I want you to know that I...well we brought you here under false pretenses. I mean yeah, Alex wasn't lying when she said we wanted to gather everyone together outside of work so that we can get to know each other, but there's also another reason."** Kate paused and took a breath. She looked at Alex for a minute found the strength she needed from the love in her girlfriend's eyes. She turned to her friends again and said, **"The truth is, um...Alex and I, we're together. We're dating and we're deeply in love."**Kate paused, waiting for their reaction. With the exception of Lanie and Ryan, everyone's eyes were glued to Kate and Alex as everything started falling into place.

Ryan turned to Esposito and said, **"You owe me $50 bucks." **

Alex exchanged a look with Kate and then turned back to the two men, **"You had a bet going about us?" **

Esposito had the good grace to blush at Alex's tone but Ryan just looked smug and grinned, **"Come on, Counselor, we are detectives. We knew something was going on. It wasn't until Castle touched your shoulder a week ago and I saw Beckett's reaction to it that I put it together. Esposito didn't believe me."**

Kate seemed to be the only one who noticed Castle's reaction. There was a look on his face she couldn't identify. Kate was concerned, **"Castle, you okay over there?"**

**"I just didn't think you guys were actually doing what I thought you were doing in the kitchen...it should be really hot, but now that I can't be a part of the equation, it sort of takes all the fun out of it."** He paused a moment and then asked with puppy dog eyes, **"There's no chance I could be part of the equation, right? Just a little?" **

Kate rolled her eyes, **"Sorry, Castle, not a chance." ** Rick pouted for a moment, but then his face it up. Kate cut him off before he could say anything, **"And no you absolutely _cannot_ use any of this in any Nikki Heat novel."**

**"I'm afraid I have to agree with Kate on this one, Castle,"** Alex said. **"One word about Nikki Heat being a lesbian gets into one of your books and I'll have to make some calls..."**She didn't want this getting out for all of America to read.

Castle sighed, **"You two take all the fun out of this but ok. I won't use this for Nikki..."** Then the smile returned to his face, **"Besides, if she's gay, that leaves Rook all alone and we can't have that." **

Everyone laughed at that, then Castle grew serious, **"Honestly though, I'm happy for you both. You make a stunningly, almost unfairly beautiful couple."** He turned to Alex, **"Take care of her Alex, she's very important to me."**Castle hugged them each in turn and then went to sit back down.

Montgomery eyed them both then said, **"Well, as long as you don't let it affect your work, which I'm sure it won't since you've been together this whole time and I haven't seen a single thing to be concerned about, then I'm happy for you both, too. Congratulations." **

Ryan and Esposito each expressed similar sentiments of support and Lanie just smiled at them. They knew where she stood and she didn't need to repeat it.

Alex smiled, **"I'm glad that you're all ok with us. It isn't easy sometimes for people to accept it when someone close to them comes out. I would never want this to affect Kate's relationship with any of you. All we want is to be happy."**

Lanie looked around at everyone then she said, **"I think I speak for everyone here when I say that while this was unexpected, it's not that big a deal. Alex, we've known Kate a long time, I've known her since college, and personally I have never seen her as happy as she's been these past two weeks since you came back into her life." **

Esposito chimed in, **"And we may not have known you for as long as we've known Beckett, but it's obvious she makes you happy too. So as long as that doesn't change..."** He looked at his friends and co-workers and said, **"We all got your backs." **

The others nodded and smiled.

Alex put her arm around Kate, **"Thank you, all of you. You have no idea how much this means to us that all of you know and are ok with it. We didn't want to have to pretend anymore. It just didn't feel right, especially when all of you are so close to Kate and now me."** She squeezed Kate's waist and said, **"Well, now that we have the heavy business out of the way, who's up for dessert?"**

Kate relaxed when she felt Alex's arm around her. She couldn't believe that it was really over and everything was ok. Everyone started back to the table for dessert and Kate was about to head into the kitchen to get it when Alex stopped her.

**"I'll get it, you go sit with your friends. You deserve it after handling the heaviest job of all."**She pecked Kate's lips without hesitation and went to the kitchen to get the dessert from the fridge.

Kate smiled when no one reacted to Alex's little kiss and she sat down for a moment next to Castle. She lowered her voice and asked, **"So are you really ok with this?" **

Castle thought about it for a few moments and replied, **"Well I am a little bummed that the two hottest women in my life have joined the ranks of the other untouchable women in my life. But yeah I'm ok with it."** Rick looked into Kate's eyes and said, **"You are extraordinary and now that you're happy and in love...you leave extraordinary in the dust."**Castle smiled.

Kate pulled him in for a hug and buried her face in his neck briefly to hide her tears. Then she whispered in his ear, **"Thank you Castle. It means a lot to me that you're ok with all this."**

Alex brought out a stunning Red Velvet Cake. It had just been added to the menu and the chef sent it over with his compliments. She cut slices and handed out dessert plates to everyone. **"I have coffee brewing for those who want some."**

Kate pulled away from Castle when Alex mentioned coffee.

Alex looked at Kate and smiled after seeing the tender exchange. She handed her a piece of cake last, making sure to give her extra frosting. The Captain, Lanie, and Esposito all indicated that they wanted coffee, so Alex went to the kitchen to pour them each a cup.

Kate put her slice down and went to help Alex in the kitchen. She walked up behind her and wrapped her arms around her, kissing Alex's neck before whispering, **"I love you. Thank you."**

Alex smiled and leaned back against her, **"I love you too and you're welcome. I thought you needed a little extra frosting after everything. Castle's really ok?"**

Kate smiled, **"Yeah he's fine...and I wasn't thanking you for the frosting although it is appreciated. No I'm thanking you for having patience with me. I know I can be a bit...challenging at times, especially when I get jealous, but if you can keep being patient I promise I'll work on it. Ok?"**Kate hugged her closer.

**"Deal. I will do whatever I can to help you, honey, but I really think that being honest is going to make life easier. You don't have to worry about Castle's flirting or anyone else. And tomorrow, you can wear your ring on the job. I, for one, can't wait for that."**

Kate kissed Alex's shoulder before, **"Baby, would you mind if I wore it now, showed it off today so it's not a big thing tomorrow?"**

Alex beamed, **"I would love that very much. Go ahead and put it on while I take these out."**She put the delicate coffee cups onto a tray and carefully carried them out into the living room.

Kate smiled as she reached into her pocket and took out the ring, slipping it on her finger once Alex left the room. She'd decided to put the ring in her pocket so that when they told everyone, she could immediately put it on and wear it. Kate walked back into the living room and reclaimed her seat next to Castle, only this time Alex was on her other side. Kate began eating, using deliberate gestures so that the ring would be noticed.

Alex sipped her coffee and took a bite of cake, nearly grinning when she saw the sparkle. Ryan and Esposito were too caught up with their cake and football talk to notice, so it was now between the Captain and Castle, since Lanie had already seen it and didn't want to spoil Kate's fun.

Esposito quickly pulled Montgomery into his debate with Ryan about the Jets vs. the Patriots, so Kate knew that Castle would have to be the one to say something.

Castle, who was sitting on Kate's right-hand side, glanced over at her and loved the glow of happiness that was radiating from her. Suddenly something on her hand caught the light and Castle's eyes dropped to the source. When he saw the beautiful ring on Kate's ring finger, he felt his heart dip for only a split second before he leaned close to Kate's ear and whispered, **"Nice ring. Congratulations."**

Kate looked at Castle and saw the sincerity on his face, **"Thanks Castle."** She glanced at Alex and leaned closer for a quick kiss, then she turned back to Castle, **"Before you ask though, yes, it's most definitely on the correct finger."**

**"It's not the type of ring you're thinking, at least not yet. I bought it for her as a promise ring. The engagement will happen before you know it though."**Alex smiled at Kate and rubbed her back.

Castle grinned and leaned forward to stage whisper to Alex, **"You know if you need any input on great ways to propose, I've done it twice." **

Kate just watched the exchange before she said, **"Oh I'm sure however she asks, it'll be perfect and even if it isn't, my answer would still be the same."**

Alex grinned like a little kid and said, **"That's why I love her."**She finished up her cake and set the plate down. Then she looked around at everyone and realized that nothing had changed. She was as happy as could be about that for Kate's sake.

The Captain was finished up as well and stood, **"Ladies, I hate to do this, but I should get going. I have to take care of some things at the precinct before tomorrow."**

They said their goodbyes to the Captain and settled back down to enjoy some conversation without the boss around. Before they could say anything though, Ryan's cell went off.

Esposito laughed and said, **"Like clockwork, Honey-Milk. You better answer it bro."**He made the traditional sound effect of a whip cracking just as Ryan answered his cell.

Lanie lightly smacked his elbow, **"Be nice, I think it's sweet." **

Esposito looked like he wanted to say something but a pointed look from Lanie made him turn away. Castle caught it and so did Kate and Alex, but they were nicer than Castle and the writer said, **"Looks like Ryan's not the only one who's whipped. And these two aren't the only ones who were hiding a little affair."**Castle grinned, pleased with his cleverness.

Alex just put her arm around Kate and chuckled. Ryan was too busy listening to the voice on the other side to pay attention to anything anyone was saying. **"Yeah, no, yeah, I'll take care of it. Yeah, I'm on my way, ok..."** Then he hushed his tone, **"Me too...ok, bye."** He looked up to see several pairs of eyes staring at him. **"Uh, I gotta go..."**

Kate exchanged a look with Alex then asked Ryan, **"Was that the girlfriend...Honey-Milk?"**

Ryan looked totally embarrassed, though he didn't mean to, **"Uh, not really. It was my mom."**

Kate saw the look on his face and knew he was telling the truth. Ryan left and then Esposito and Castle made their own excuses and left too. Lanie, on the other hand, wanted to stick around for a bit and Kate, sensing that her best friend wanted some time alone with Alex, began clearing the dessert plates away. She was in the kitchen, loading the dishwasher, when she heard the low hum of voices.

Lanie waited until Kate was out of the room before she turned to the blonde on the couch and said, **"I'm glad you two came out to everyone."**

Alex smiled, **"Me too. I honestly can't thank Kate enough for being so brave. Not everyone would do what she did."**

Lanie narrowed her eyes, **"They would if the love is real. Kate loves you Alex and if you ever doubt that, remember what she did here today. Did Kate ever tell you how I found out she was gay?"**Lanie felt Alex needed to know this.

Alex shook her head, **"We haven't shared our coming out stories with each other yet. We tried to focus on the present moment..."**

Lanie leaned back in the armchair, **"Well, I don't know if this qualifies as a coming out story because her parents already knew, but let's just say it wasn't her choice."** Lanie paused, **"We were roommates in college. I was Pre-Med and she was a Criminal Justice major. It was our freshman year and she had been very careful for the first few weeks...until Thanksgiving. I was supposed to leave Wednesday afternoon, but my flight to Philly got delayed because of a freak snowstorm so I went back to our dorm room, thinking Kate had already gone back home. I walked in and there was Kate, naked, in bed with this fairly cute brunette. Well, long story short, the cat was pretty much out of the bag and after her girlfriend got dressed and left, Kate came clean."**

Alex thought about Kate with her college girlfriend and realized that what Kate had said about jealousy just sneaking up was completely true. She could feel a twinge of something deep inside, but she did her best to shrug it off, after all, that was the past and Kate was with her now. Not to mention that she had a first girlfriend too and she would hate it if Kate were jealous over something that happened so long ago. **"Has there ever been a man in her life?"**

Lanie shook her head, **"I've never seen her with a guy. She's never even mentioned a high school boyfriend. Why do you ask?"**

**"Just curious. She's obviously known who she is for a long time and she never strayed. That took guts."**

Lanie nodded, **"For most people yeah it would take guts. But Kate, she's different. Once she sets her mind to something or she knows it in her heart, she doesn't stray."**

Alex sighed, **"I wish I had been as strong as her. I knew for a long time and I pretended otherwise because of my family...I hid who I was until I was a lot older and I knew that I didn't want to live a lie anymore."**

Lanie smiled sadly, **"That's understandable. I think part of what made it easier for Kate was that her parents were very accepting."** Lanie heard Kate start to come back and she said, **"Don't tell her I told you about Amber. She'd kill me if she knew, she doesn't like talking about her, ok?"**

Alex's blood nearly turned to ice when she heard Kate's ex-girlfriend's name. She swallowed hard and her skin visibly blanched.

Kate came back into the living room and saw Lanie and Alex in conversation. She smiled, seeing them getting along. **"So you two find something to talk about?"**

Alex still kept her eyes down, letting Lanie take the lead.

**"Uh, yeah, I was just telling Alex that I'm a big fan of Red Velvet. She's even higher on my favorite people list now."**

Kate smiled and even though she sensed it was more than that, she decided not to push. **"Well, she's pretty high on my list too."**Kate sat down next to Alex, put her arm around her, and smiled at Lanie.

**"Well, it looks like you two want to have a little time alone, so I'm going to get on the road. Got big plans tonight,"**Lanie said with a grin and waggle of her eyebrows.

Kate smirked and said, **"I'll walk you out."** Kate followed Lanie to the door and just before she opened it she turned to Lanie and said, still smirking, **"Tell Esposito he needs to work on his poker face. Have fun tonight."**

Lanie just rolled her eyes and lobbed back, **"You too. Take plenty of rest breaks."**Then she walked down the hall to the elevator.

When Kate got back to the living room she saw Alex standing by the window. She silently slipped up behind her and wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist to pull her close. Kate nuzzled Alex's neck and said, **"Alone at last. You smell so good baby."**Kate inhaled the scent of Alex's perfume and smiled at the familiar, arousing scent.

**"Thanks, sweetie. Did you enjoy yourself today?"**she asked, leaning back against Kate, suddenly tired from her thoughts of Amber.

Kate licked a path up Alex's neck, **"I did, I'm glad everyone was ok with our news."** Kate paused a few moments before she said,** "I meant what I said you know." **

**"About what?"**Alex asked absently.

Kate smiled, **"My answer. Whenever you get around to asking the question, it will always be the same..."**

**"Right...um...what question?"**Alex asked, still staring out the window. She was only half registering what Kate was saying.

Kate slowly turned Alex around to face her and she noticed the distraction on her face, **"Honey, is something wrong?"**

**"I...don't think I should say anything...Lanie...she asked me not to..."**

Kate took a breath, **"Did Lanie say something to upset you?"** Kate was wondering what Lanie could've said to Alex. **"She didn't threaten you or anything like that, did she?"**

**"No, nothing like that. Look, it's really nothing. I'll be over it before you know it. It was just very unexpected."**

Kate sighed, **"Ok well...I can respect that you don't want to share and I'm not going to push you, but can you promise me that if whatever this is proves too much for you, you'll talk to me about it? Please?"**Kate didn't know if she should be worried or scared yet and although she was definitely curious to know what Lanie had said, she wasn't going to push Alex.

**"I can't...I wouldn't even know how to ask you about it."**Alex said, obviously upset at this new development.

Kate felt a something squeeze her heart. She lifted Alex's eyes to her own and said, **"You can ask me anything. My life, my past, it's an open book. No secrets baby."**Kate's hands ran lightly down Alex's back to just above the curve of her backside. She rested them there, unmoving.

**"Even if I asked you about Amber?"**Alex asked, her eyes looking deep into Kate's.

Kate took a breath, not expecting that question, but as she thought about it she realized, **"Yes even about Amber. Anything Alex, no secrets."**

**"Lanie told me that she saw the two of you...that it's how she found out that you were gay. Was she your first?"**

Kate nodded, **"Yes she was."**

**"I know what she did to you...it just makes me sick to think that she was the first woman you were ever with."**

Kate sighed, **"Baby, it was _because_ she was my first that she was able to have that power over me. But I learned from it, and I'm stronger now than I was then. Lanie helped me leave Amber."**Kate's hands began rubbing small circles on Alex's lower back, trying to soothe the edge off the topic.

**"You loved that monster...it's just hard to fathom when I know how strong and smart you are. I'm sorry, I really have no room to judge. We've all done things we're not proud of."**

Kate shook her head, **"It's ok, it's only human nature. And yes, I did love her once...or at least I thought I did, but what I felt for her pales in comparison to what I feel for you. You've shown me what love really feels like. Amber is my past, I never even think about her unless I'm sparring in the precinct gym where I can picture her face on whoever I'm fighting."** Kate grinned at that and then asked, **"What else did Lanie tell you?"**

**"That you've never been with a man...that you realized you were gay and never faltered and that your parents were very accepting of you. You're lucky, babe. You never had to pretend."**

Kate smiled, **"My parents were in shock at first, but then my father realized that me being gay meant I wouldn't ever have to tell him I was knocked up. Of course my mother smacked his arm and told him that wasn't funny, but they eventually got over it and we went back to normal. A few years after that, my mom was...she died and I went into the Academy."** Kate paused a moment, **"As for pretending...being a female cop is tough enough without adding the 'dyke' label to it so I had to hide it. No one had ever come along that made me want to stop hiding at work...until I fell in love with you."**

**"Not broadcasting and pretending are two very different things, Kate. You didn't go out and date men to make people think you were straight. You just let them assume you were. If I could go back, I wouldn't pretend, especially if I knew that my life was going to be taken away from me for four years. It wasn't worth it."**

Kate thought about that for a minute. **"No, you're right I didn't date men as a cover, but I flirted with some of them."** Kate tilted her head.** "So wait, you pretended to be straight by publicly dating men?"**

**"Yeah. I knew that I was gay since I was 19, but I would...hit and run with women and date men to keep up appearances. My father's family wasn't a big fan of gays...they disowned two of my cousins because they came out or were found out. My dad wasn't like that, thankfully, but I couldn't do that to them. I couldn't shame them like that,"**she said, her voice low and sad.

Kate pulled Alex closer, **"I'm sorry you had to pretend to be something you're not."** Kate had a thought, **"Alex, do your uncle and his wife know about...you?" **

Kate wasn't too keen on pretending to be just a friend around Alex's uncle but she would if she had to. She didn't want to risk alienating Alex's family just to prove a point.

She smiled, **"Yeah, they know. The woman that watches Kevin is a lesbian. He knows about her and her partner and he knows about me. He's a very smart little boy who was raised right by a very open-minded family."**

Kate smiled, **"I'm glad. I don't ever want you to have to pretend again. So, um, was there anything else Lanie told you that you want to ask me about?"**

**"No, just that she walked in on you and Amber while you were...naked. Otherwise she didn't tell me anything else."**

Kate blushed, **"Oh, she had to tell you that part didn't she?"** Kate sighed, **"Not that I need an excuse, but in my defense, she was supposed to be on a plane to Philly by then."**Kate was a little embarrassed that Lanie had brought up the whole naked incident.

**"It's ok, baby. People have sex with people they are...into. The important thing is that I'm the one who gets to see you naked now and that's not changing anytime soon."**

Kate smiled, **"Most definitely, you are the only person who will ever see me naked from now on."**Kate leaned closer and kissed Alex.

Alex grinned, **"So, we still on for that movie?"**

Kate thought for a moment then said, **"Yeah, we are...if you still want to go out."**

**"And show off my beautiful, official, ring-wearing girlfriend? Yeah, I still want to,"** she said and the kissed Kate deeply. **"I love you baby."**

Kate grinned, **"I love you too. And if you want to show me off, then I won't stop you. Come on, let's go see what's showing, ok?"**

Alex nodded and the two of them put on their coats to go out for the evening. They checked the movies on Alex's phone while they were in the cab and picked something that suited both their tastes. A couple of hours later when it was over, they walked from the theater to Times Square and acted like tourists visiting New York for the first time, something they had never done together. They stopped by a little jazz bar and had a couple of drinks before heading home to Alex's loft.

When they got settled, they ended the day the way they started, by enjoying each other's attentions in bed until they were both satisfied. Alex held Kate and gave her a sweet kiss goodnight before falling asleep with her lover in her arms.

TBC...


	17. Merry Christmas

**Chapter 17: Merry Christmas**

The next few weeks flew by as the detectives handled the usual cases. The guys had been true to their word and hadn't made a big deal about Kate and Alex's relationship. It was business as usual with them. Castle, on the other hand, had been caught a few time staring at them with that look on his face that said he was picturing them together, or rather picturing Nikki Heat in a situation where she had to go undercover at a lesbian bar where she learned a few new things about herself.

Alex had caught him the first time and while she had convinced him to cut it out for a week, she wasn't very scary to him. When Kate had caught him though, she'd enlisted Alexis' help to make sure Castle knew it wasn't ok to be having those thoughts. After that they didn't catch him, though it didn't necessarily mean that he'd stopped.

December rolled in and Kate became aware of the fact that this was going to be her first Christmas with Alex and she was determined to make it special. She spent the first three weeks of December planning, thinking, and most importantly, stressing, but in the end, she came up with some really wonderful plans. It was a little over a week before the holiday and Kate was reclining on her sofa, a glass of wine in her hand, waiting for Alex to come over after work. Kate had finished work early for once and managed to leave the precinct on time at six. It was almost seven now and earlier when Alex had called, she'd mentioned that she'd be over about 7:30. Kate had quickly thrown together a lasagna casserole and it was in the oven cooking while the wine breathed in a decanter on the counter. Kate had the lights off in the living room with almost 50 white, vanilla-scented candles glowing softly in anticipation of the prosecutor's arrival.

Kate was in a very romantic mood tonight. She had the CD she'd burned for Alex so long ago in the player and it was cued up to the song she had been singing that one time. Tonight was the night she was finally going to play the entire CD for Alex, sort of like an early Christmas gift for her beautiful girlfriend. Kate was wearing nothing but her black silk robe and a dreamy smile when she heard a key in the lock and she knew that Alex had arrived. Kate tapped the play button on the remote in her hand to start up the CD player.

Alex opened the door, snow covering the shoulders of her long overcoat. She took the coat off and shook it just outside the doorway and then shut the door and turned the deadbolt. With her coat over her arm she walked into the apartment and was immediately hit with the flickering candlelight and soft aroma of vanilla. She smiled, the cold from a snowy New York night suddenly forgotten as the candlelight enveloped her in warmth. She set her briefcase and coat down on one of the kitchen chairs and ventured into the living area where she found Kate with a soft smile on her face.

The blonde looked down at her girlfriend and noticed that she had on her robe and more than likely nothing else underneath. The lights on the Christmas tree were twinkling and soft music was swaying through the air, the melody instantly recognizable as the song that Kate had been humming all those weeks ago. Alex moved closer to Kate and whispered, **"Hello Gorgeous."**

Then she kissed her deeply before Kate could say anything. She lingered there, soaking all of it in before pulling back to let Kate speak.

Kate smiled up at Alex. She inhaled deeply and caught the crisp, clean scent of snow on her and hint of her own perfume just under that. **"Hi... how was your day, dear?"**Kate asked, a little teasingly as she pulled out the cliched question from the 50's.

Alex chuckled, **"Long and busy. I can't tell you how happy I am to be home. It seems you've been a busy little bee. How did you manage all of this?"**

Kate reached out and pulled Alex closer, **"Lie down with me." **

Alex shifted and stretched out beside her as Kate wrapped an arm around her. **"I had some time to plan this out and today it all came together."** Kate paused a moment and said, **"Did you notice the song that's playing?" **

**"I did, I never forgot the sound of your voice that day as you were singing it,"** she said settling into Kate's arms. **"Is this...the CD?"**

Kate nodded, **"Yeah, this is the first track. You should know that this CD is one tiny part of your Christmas gift. I wanted you to hear these songs the way I used to listen to them, by candlelight, with some wine and a smile."** Kate dropped a kiss on Alex's forehead, **"I love you Alex. I loved you then and even when I was angry or lonely I still loved you. This disc holds my love for you in every song."** Kate held Alex tighter as _Your Arms Feel Like Home'_ ended and the next track began. Kate wondered if Alex would recognize it or if she needed to be told.

Alex rubbed Kate's hand and listened to the next track for a few moments, but when she didn't recognize it, she asked, **"What's this song?"**

Kate smiled, **"This is the song that kept me going, kept me believing in us. It's called _Love Will Lead You Back.'_"**Kate began to hum along to the melody.

Alex smiled when she heard Kate humming. She always liked it when the brunette would sing in the shower or while she was making breakfast, but hearing her like this, in such a quiet, intimate moment, made Alex fall in love with her all over again. She remained quiet and still until the song was over and with tears in her eyes, she whispered, **"You're so amazing, Kate."**

Kate blushed, **"No, that would be you. If I'm anywhere near amazing it's because you make me that way."**The next song came on and it had a slow, slightly twangy beat. It was obviously a country song and Kate bit her lip, hoping Alex would still like it.

Alex smiled, **"I know this one...they used to play it at the coffee shop, the one we went to while you were in Santa Fe. The first time I heard it after you left, it was all I could do to keep from crying there in front of everyone. It's amazing that we both felt the same..."**

Kate smiled, **"I heard this song at a club that Lanie dragged me to one night, a week after I got back from Santa Fe. It wasn't this version though, it was a remixed version for dancing, but the words stayed with me. I looked it up the next day and when I heard this version, the slow, soulful version I knew that it was about us. That everything that had come before, Amber, the few others that followed, they were there for a reason...to help me know what real love is supposed to be...to lead me to you."**

**"I know. I keep thinking that if I had never been shot, if I hadn't testified against Liam Connors...I never would've been in Santa Fe when you were and we never would've met. I can't even imagine my life without you...I would be so lonely and sad."**

Kate leaned forward and kissed her to stop that thought, **"But you were there. Fate, destiny, whatever you want to call it made sure we were in the same space at the same time. You and me, we're meant to be together...we're soul mates."**Kate lifted her hand and lightly caressed Alex's cheek.

Alex nodded. Then she kissed Kate on the nose and said, **"You know, it's really not fair that I get to have an early Christmas gift and you don't..."**

Kate grinned, **"I have what I want for Christmas...you. I don't need anything else, baby."**

Alex pouted, **"But that's not fair. I want to give you something too."**

Kate melted a little at Alex pouting so she said, **"I would never deprive you of something you want, so in the interest of fairness, I won't try to tell you not to get me anything. You don't have to but if you want to, I won't stop you."**Kate ran a hand over Alex's hip and paused on her thigh. She loved the heat of the blonde's skin against her palm, even through a layer of clothes. Before she could go any further, Kate was reminded of the lasagna in the oven by the aroma from the kitchen.

Her eyes got wide, **"Oh no! Um, I'll be right back, just wait here!"**Kate quickly left the sofa and ran into the kitchen. Her timing was impeccable because the lasagna was perfectly browned and the cheese was bubbling. Kate grinned, happy she hadn't burned it, and took it out of the oven.

Alex stood up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen, **"Aw, honey, you cooked."** She was of course teasing the brunette who still did the majority of the cooking for the both of them. **"Smells great. Want me to set the table?"**

Kate looked up at Alex in the doorway and grinned, **"Yeah, could you?" **

Alex went and got the plates and silverware and set them down on the table. She put out some napkins and then returned to the kitchen to get some glasses. **"Are we having wine?"**

Kate smiled as she brought the lasagna to the table to dish it up. She nodded, **"Yeah baby. It's on the kitchen counter. I'll grab it and be right back."** Kate went back into the kitchen and came back with the wine. She served up the lasagna, poured the wine, and held out Alex's chair for her. **"M'lady?"**Kate gestured to the chair.

Alex sat down and then picked up her fork, waiting for Kate to sit as well. **"Is there anything you don't know how to make?"**she asked with a grin. She never got tired of being surprised by Kate's abilities in the kitchen.

Kate sat down and grinned, **"There's a lot I don't know how to make, but I haven't found a recipe yet that I couldn't follow to the letter and make it work."**

Kate wasn't sure why, but every time she tried a new recipe, it always seemed to come out good. **"I can teach you this one too if you want. You're getting fairly proficient in the kitchen baby."**It was true, the few lessons they had managed to get through without being distracted by each other, had turned out well.

**"I'd love that. It would be quite a sight to invite my uncle and aunt over with my cousins and surprise them with this. They'd never believe I did it,"** she said with a chuckle. **"Oh, speaking of, I have something in my bag for you from Kevin. He sent it through my uncle for you."**

Kate's eyes lit up at the mention of the little boy. The first time she'd met him was when they babysat him for the weekend and the boy had captured her heart within the first ten minutes. He hadn't strayed far from Kate's side the whole weekend, even begging her to tuck him in and read him a story at bedtime. **"He did? He's such a sweet kid. I hope our kids are as sweet as him."**

**"I know they'll be. He really likes you, Kate. In fact, my uncle has invited us to come over on Christmas Day to have lunch with them, but they haven't told Kevin. They want it to be a surprise."**

Kate smiled, **"I would love to have lunch with them, if you want us to."**Kate didn't want to overstep and make Alex feel obligated to bring her to Christmas with her family, but she wanted her to know she was willing.

**"Of course, sweetie. I thought maybe we could go there first and then we can go to Castle's."**She took a bite of the now cool lasagna and then sipped her wine.

**"Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. But before we go anywhere, you and me are going to have a romantic, private Christmas Eve and morning, deal?"**

**"Deal,"** she said and lifted her glass, **"Merry early Christmas, baby."**She touched her glass to Kate's and then took another drink. She finished her meal and then helped Kate clean up.

They went back to the couch and Alex said, **"I'm going to get Kevin's gift for you."** She picked up her brief case and popped it open. In truth, she'd gotten his gift the day before and had it hidden in her suitcase. **"Huh, weird, it's not here...I'll be right back."**She went to the bedroom and took two packages from her suitcase and brought them back to the living room.

Kate waited on the couch as Alex went on her little scavenger hunt. She loved the way the candlelight and the Christmas tree lights mingled together and cast a soft glow in the room. It definitely added to the romantic mood of the evening. Kate sat back on the couch, stretching her legs out as she listened to the music from the CD.

Alex joined Kate on the couch and handed the detective Kevin's gift first. It was wrapped in the comics from the newspaper and had entirely too much tape. She chuckled, **"They let him wrap it himself."**

Kate smiled at the gift. It was exactly what she would expect for a gift wrapped by a child to look like, **"It's almost too cute to ruin by opening."** Kate had an idea. She grabbed her cell phone from the coffee table and took a picture of the gift. When she saw the puzzled look on Alex's face, she blushed and explained, **"Now we'll always have a way to remember how cute it looked before I opened it."**Kate knew it sounded a little weird but she couldn't help it...she was a bit of dork.

Alex chuckled, **"Hey, I'm all about preserving the memory. I know how important it is now."**She watched as Kate opened up the gift and grinned when she saw what was inside. It was a hardcover trade paperback book of Batwoman that Kevin must've picked out after Kate told him that she was a big fan of comic books.

**"Oh my goodness, he got you a comic book, that's adorable!"**

Kate giggled at Alex's words but realized her girlfriend really didn't know the difference between a comic book and a trade book. **"Actually, baby this isn't a comic book, it's a trade paperback."**

Alex raised an eyebrow, **"Huh?"**

Kate took a moment to think of how best to explain it. **"Um, ok, see a comic book is a single issue, like an episode of a TV show. A trade paperback is kind of like the DVD box set for a whole season of that show. Trades combine several issues of a series that contain a story arc. This trade that Kevin got me is the story arc that explains Batwoman's origins and her past, her life story and how she went from being an heiress to being a crime fighting superhero. Her alter ego is named Kate Kane and um...well she's also a lesbian. This arc also explains her military background, her twin sister, and her brief relationship with a cop."** Kate noticed that Alex's eyes were starting to glaze over and she realized she was going off on a very dorky tangent.** "I lost you somewhere didn't I? Well, in any case, this is a great gift."** Kate leaned over and kissed Alex's cheek. **"I can't wait to see Kevin again and thank him for it." **

**"He'll love that. But you're not done yet. Remember I said I wanted to give you something? Well, here it is."** She picked up her package, which was kind of heavy and placed it in her own lap. It was wrapped in a deep red paper with a large gold bow and Kate's name was written in Alex's handwriting. **"I've had this for a while but I know that now is the right time to give it to you,"**she said, handing it to Kate.

Kate picked up the package and ran her fingers over the letters of her name in Alex's beautiful handwriting. She looked at Alex for a moment, then turned back to the gift and carefully opened it, not wanting to rip the paper. When she finally got the paper off and opened the box, she saw what it was and her breath hitched.

It was the statue she had admired in the window of the art gallery where Alex worked in Santa Fe. The statue of two women holding each other with a baby held between them. Kate felt tears spring to her eyes as she lightly ran her fingers over the cool bronze, tracing the faces of both women and the baby. When she finally found her voice she whispered, **"Alex, this is...so beautiful. It's..."**Kate's voice trailed off, words failing her as tears fell down her face.

Alex put her hand on Kate's and whispered, **"I saw you that day looking through the window and admiring that piece. I had plans to buy it for myself, but when I saw the look in your eye and then we met, I knew I wanted you to have it. I held onto it after you left as...one small motivation for me to get back to you. It reminded me of our dreams and now...every time I come here, I'll see it and remember what we're working toward. A family of our very own."**

Kate turned to Alex, **"I love it, thank you so much."**She leaned over and hugged Alex before pulling back to kiss Alex. She slid her tongue out to tease Alex's lips and when they opened, she deepened the kiss, pulling Alex closer to her and running her hand up the blonde's back.

Alex held onto her, kissing her back, and she felt her heart soaring. She had known that Kate would love the statue, but there was more to it than that. It was a symbol of their future and now, they could both share it. She pulled back and said, **"Why don't we go to your room. We'll bring this with us and then make love all night."**

Kate smiled, **"Hmmm...I like that idea. I was hoping you'd be okay with keeping it in the bedroom. I want it to be the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing at night, a physical reminder of what our future will be. I want to look at this every day, from the bed we share, and remember that you and I will have a family together one day, what do you say?"**

**"I say that's perfect. Come on, lover girl, I need to be with you right now."**She helped Kate up and after the two of them put the statue up on Kate's bookcase where they could both see it, Alex put Kate down on the bed and made love with her deep into the night.

* * *

><p>A little over a week later on Christmas morning, Alex woke up and smiled when she saw Kate curled up under the covers clutching the book Kevin had given her. She'd taken the time to read it the night before since she was off from work. That was her way it seemed. She'd never start a book unless she had the time to finish it in one sitting. Alex brushed Kate's hair from her face and kissed her cheek, <strong>"Baby?"<strong>

Kate looked up at Alex, **"Yeah?"**

**"Good morning, are you ready to go see what Santa brought you?"**

Kate wrapped her arm around Alex and began kissing her neck. **"I have everything I ever wanted here with you,"** Kate whispered against Alex's skin. She pulled away after a few moments then said, **"But we should probably go see what he got for _you_." **

Alex giggled and hopped out of bed. She put on her robe and handed Kate hers. Alex loved Christmas and hadn't felt this excited since she spent it with her mother and Olivia the year before she was sent into Witness Protection. She held Kate's hand and sat down in front of the tree, spotting a few new gifts that weren't there last night.

Kate smiled at Alex's child-like enthusiasm. She sat down behind Alex and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, **"Baby, this is our first Christmas together and I got you something to...commemorate the occasion."** Kate pointed to a box that was off to the side, it was small, maybe 4 inches by 3 inches by 2 inches, and wrapped in a gold foil paper with a red bow. **"Open that one first?"**Kate rested her chin on Alex's shoulder as she waited.

Alex bit her lip and picked up the package. Before she shook it, she asked, **"Is there anything that's going to break inside?"**

Kate smiled, **"No baby, nothing breakable...well that's not true, but there's nothing glass. Just open it?"**Kate didn't want to give it away.

She ripped off the paper, eager to see what was inside, and tossed it aside. She lifted the lid off the box and peered inside, a smile spreading across her face.

Nestled inside was a small, heart-shaped pendant. The stone was a brilliant heart-shaped ruby wrapped with a delicate white gold design that resembled the flowing art deco patterns of the 1920s. There were diamond inlays to embellish the stone and it was hanging from a matching vintage white gold chain. Alex took it from the box and admired the way the light hit it. **"Will you put it on me?"**

Kate reached out and carefully took the necklace out of the box. She held it in her hand, the pendant resting in her palm and the chain hanging over the back of her hand. Kate held it out for a moment and showed it to Alex. **"I, um...I wanted to give you something that would have meaning. At first, I thought it would be something I could have engraved with our names and the date of our first Christmas, but when I saw this in the jewelry store, I knew this was better. I saw this and the first thing that came to my mind was that this would look so beautiful on you. I got this for you because I wanted to give you a physical representation of my heart. You can wear it, look at it and remember that I will always love you, and you will always own my heart...forever."**Kate stopped talking. She lifted her other hand, opened the clasp, and placed the necklace around Alex's neck before securing the clasp. Finally, she placed a kiss on Alex's neck to seal her vow.

Alex smiled, tears in her eyes, and then kissed Kate before getting up from the floor to look at the pendant in the mirror. She loved the way it looked and couldn't believe how lucky she was to have a woman like Kate. She walked back over and knelt down by the tree, reaching under to get one of Kate's gifts. **"Your turn."** She handed her a large box first and then a smaller one. The large one was about 7 inches by 10 inches and 3 inches deep wrapped in blue paper with a big white bow. It read, _"To Kate, From Alex."_

The small one was square, about 5 inches by 5 inches and 1 inch deep. It was wrapped in red like the statue had been with a gold bow. This one had a tag that said, _"From Santa, for being such a good girl."_

Alex smiled, **"Open the big one first..."**

Kate smiled. Her eyes had been glued to the pendant resting against Alex's creamy, fair skin, but she directed her attention to the box Alex had handed her. She opened it quickly and when she saw what it was she couldn't believe it. It was an iPad.

Kate looked at it and hit the home button to turn it on. The image that popped up was one of her and Alex...or rather her and Vicky standing outside the Loretto Chapel in Santa Fe.

Kate's eyes teared up as she remembered that day. Alex had taken her back to Loretto after they'd been together a week and they had asked a tourist to take their picture. Kate was standing behind Alex, her arms wrapped around the blonde's waist with her chin resting on her shoulder, while Alex's hands were resting on Kate's. The love in both their eyes was obvious.

Kate turned to Alex, **"I remember that day. Thank you baby."**Kate moved closer and kissed Alex.

When she pulled away she again looked at the iPad, torn between playing with it now and waiting until later so that she could open more gifts. Just before she was about to set it down, Alex said, **"Look at the back."**

Kate turned it over and noticed an engraving that said, _"Our First Christmas, December 2009"_ and she gasped, **"It's perfect."** Kate smiled at Alex. **"I love it, and I love you so much."**

**"I love you too baby,"** Alex said, leaning in to kiss Kate's lips. **"I figured you already got one 'serious' gift, you deserve a couple of fun ones. Now, I know you're dying to play with your iPad, so open your other gift."**She really couldn't wait to see what Kate was going to do when she opened this one. She grabbed her camera off the coffee table and turned it on, waiting for Kate.

Kate grinned as she reached for the smaller box. She noticed Alex pick up her camera and she blushed, wondering what the gift was that Alex would want her reaction preserved forever. Kate unwrapped the gift and opened the box, but she didn't know what to say when she saw what was inside.

Alex snapped a picture when Kate took the set of car keys out of the box. She grinned at Kate's inability to say anything and she asked, **"Do you want to see it?"**

Kate tried to say something, anything, but she just looked from Alex to the keys in her hand and back. Finally, after a very convincing imitation of a fish out of water, Kate was finally able to say, **"Um...I...I..."** She took a breath then said, **"Yes, please?"**

Alex laughed and snapped another picture. She kept the camera in her hand and took Kate's hand. They were still in their pajamas, but it didn't matter. They went downstairs to the parking garage and there, parked in Kate's normally empty assigned space was a black 2010 Audi A5 two door coupe. It had 5 spoke chrome rims, leather seats, and a premium sound system that Kate could connect her new iPad to.

Alex grinned, **"Open it, I want to get a picture of you inside."**

Kate couldn't believe her eyes. The car was gorgeous, beyond anything she had ever expected. Kate opened the door and slipped inside, posing for Alex's camera. When Alex was done taking pictures, Kate smiled up at her, **"Hey, get in here with me?"**

Alex went around to the passenger side and got in, the overwhelming scent of leather and new car thrilling her senses. She looked at Kate and admired how beautiful she looked in her new car. **"Do you like it?"**

Kate smiled, **"I love it. It's perfect...except..."**Kate turned away to look out the windshield, knowing when she told Alex what she was thinking it would hurt the blonde and she hated having to hurt her.

**"What? Do you hate the color? I just thought black would be more...what you'd want."**

**"No, no baby the color is perfect. The interior is perfect. The whole car is perfect. I love it, I just...I wish I could keep it."**Kate's voice was sad.

Alex looked at her with confusion, **"What do you mean? It's yours..."**

Kate closed her eyes and rested her head on the steering wheel. She took a breath and said, **"It's too much baby. I show up at work in this gorgeous, expensive, brand new car and IAB will be all over me."**

**"So you don't want to keep it."** she said, her heart sinking. **"Um...well...if you're really sure...I'll...um, I'll talk to the dealer and see if they'll take it back."**She opened the door and got out of the car to go back upstairs.

Kate caught up with Alex before she got two feet from the car and pulled her into her arms. **"Baby, I would love to keep it. There's nothing I want more than to keep it, but I can't use it for work."** Kate had an idea, **"Hey, you said your mom left you the house in Amherst right? Well how about we make a deal? I'll keep the car, but it stays parked here, the registration stays in your name, and we'll use it to drive out to Amherst for New Years or whenever we want to get away from the city."** Kate lifted Alex's eyes to hers and could've kicked herself when she saw the tears in them. **"Baby, I just don't want or need the Rat Squad coming down on me and wasting my time over a car I could never afford on my salary. I'm sorry if I hurt you just now."**Kate hoped she could make this right.

**"You don't have to use that as an excuse, Kate. You don't want to keep the car because it's too expensive. You think you don't deserve it because you can't give me something like this in return, right? Just say what you really mean, Kate. IAB wouldn't care because they know I have money and I'm the one who gave it to you. Your captain, your friends, they'd back you up. Just do what you want with it, ok? I'm sorry,"**she said, her tears falling. She pulled away and went back upstairs.

Kate helplessly watched her leave and stood there in the chilly garage in just her PJs, robe, and slippers. She walked back to the car and got inside, closing the door so that she could think about Alex's accusation. She knew that IAB wasn't the only reason why she was concerned about keeping the car, but it was a part of it.

Kate knew that Alex came from money, that she didn't actually need to work, but it had never bothered her before. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes as she thought about what to do next. Alex had gone to so much trouble to pick out this gift and Kate had to admit that it was really perfect down to the last detail: the color, the smooth, black leather interior, everything. How could she ask her to take it back?

Kate realized that the only thing to do would be to just accept the car and tell IAB to go to hell. Kate remembered the look on Alex's face just before she'd turned around and gone upstairs and she hated that she had caused that look in her eyes. She decided then and there to go upstairs and fix things with Alex. Kate left the car, locking it up and activating the alarm before taking the elevator back up to her apartment. Kate walked in and found Alex sitting on the couch, one hand holding the heart around her neck, the other resting on the back of the couch. She was staring into space but Kate could see the tears falling.

Kate walked up to the side of the couch and knelt down, resting her head on the arm next to Alex. **"I'm sorry baby. I never meant to hurt you." **

Alex sniffled, her focus coming back to reality, **"No, I'm sorry for being a bitch. I just wanted to give you something really special and when I saw it... I never meant to make you feel like I was trying to show off or put you into a position where you had to come out to IAB. I understand if you want to give it back. I already put in a call to the dealership and they should call me back when they open back up on Monday."**

Kate put her hand on Alex's shoulder and leaned closer, **"No. No baby, I want to keep it. I love the car, I love it because it's from you, and I want to keep it. I meant what I said, we can use it to go to Amherst for New Year's...if you want. I was thinking we could drive up there tonight after the party at Castle's since I already got the time off from Montgomery. We can spend a few days away from the city and ring in the New Year together."** Kate paused to let that sink in before she added, **"And if IAB wants to give me a hard time or ask where I got the car, I have no problem telling them the truth...that my girlfriend bought it for me as a gift."**Kate looked at Alex's profile, wondering if she was getting through to her, hoping she was on the right track to fixing what she had fractured.

Alex turned, her eyes still watery from crying, **"Really? You mean that?"** She wiped her tears and looked into Kate's eyes. **"You're not mad or upset about it at all? You don't hate me for getting it for you?"**

Kate smiled, **"Yes, baby, I mean it. No, I'm not mad, and I could never hate you."** Kate leaned closer and placed a kiss on Alex's nose. **"I love you and that will never change, no matter what." **

Alex smiled at Kate, **"I love you baby. I'm really glad that you like it and I just want you to be happy. I know it's not about what I buy you, but still...you deserve to have something fun and I can't wait to go for a ride with you."**

Kate quickly stood and then straddled the blonde as she lay on the couch. She shifted her hips closer to Alex's body and smiled down at her girlfriend, **"I love the car, but all I need to make me happy is you and your love. You know, I think it might be fun to drive it to your uncle's later, if you're up for it."** Kate placed her hands on either side of Alex's head and braced herself on the arm of the couch. She leaned closer until her lips were just a breath away, **"I love you Alex and I want to spend my life with you. I also want to spend New Year's with you away from the madness that is Manhattan, so...will you let me drive us to Amherst for New Year's?"**

Alex nodded, her lips brushing against Kate's when she answered, **"Yes. I was thinking that maybe we can christen the car while we're up there."** She pecked Kate's lips, **"Spend a little time in the back seat and maybe have a repeat of that day in Santa Fe in the Mini...what do you say?"**

Kate grinned wolfishly, **"I think before we christen the car we should make sure the leather is scotch-guarded."**

**"Done and done. I'll pick up a can first thing,"** she said with a grin, her mood returning to normal. She looked into Kate's eyes, **"We should start getting ready. Uncle Bill said they're starting right at noon."**

Kate smiled, **"Ok, but first I want to spend a few more minutes making out with my girlfriend, can I?"**Kate turned on the puppy eyes and even stuck her bottom lip out.

Alex licked Kate's bottom lip and nodded, **"Yes, you may."**She parted her lips, waiting for Kate to enter her mouth.

Kate slipped her tongue into Alex's warm mouth and shifted closer to her, pressing their bodies as close as she could, as she let herself melt into Alex. Kate loved kissing Alex and it never failed to turn her on. One of Kate's hands drifted down off the couch and landed softly on Alex's breast, cupping it gently.

Alex moaned, her voice captured by Kate's mouth. Her nipples hardened instantly, pressing against the material of her tank and robe. It was almost painful and she longed to feel Kate's hands on her skin to soothe her. Her hands drifted down to the brunette's ass and she squeezed, massaging her slowly.

Alex's moan only turned Kate on even more and then she suddenly felt the urge to feel Alex's skin. She sat back and ran her hands down the blonde's torso to the robe's tie. She opened it and slipped her hands under Alex's tank top and she caressed the warm, soft skin. She moved her hands up to cup Alex's bare breasts and her nipples were like small pebbles. She rolled them between her fingers, squeezing gently, and let out a moan of her own. She shifted her ass closer to Alex's hands as she broke the kiss and began licking and sucking on Alex's neck, Alex's ragged breathing echoing in her ear. She loved that sound. **"We should move this to the shower,"** Alex heaved. **"We can do what we're doing and then clean up before we're late."**

Kate lifted her head and smiled, **"You have the best ideas."** Kate stood up and held her hand out to Alex, **"Shall we, beautiful?"**

Alex nodded eagerly and followed Kate into the bathroom. She was aching for Kate and undressed her as quickly as humanly possible. She ran her hands over Kate's smooth skin and started kissing her again.

Kate pushed Alex up against the wall and began kissing her neck, then her hands drifted to the hem of Alex's tank top and quickly removed it. Kate looked down at Alex, the robe had slipped off when she stood from the couch so she was standing there in just her red lace boy shorts. Kate licked her lips as her hands quickly removed those as well. She looked into Alex's eyes, **"I love you baby." **

Kate dropped to her knees and kissed Alex's stomach, her lips drifting lower as she reached behind Alex's left leg and lifted it off the floor to hook it over her shoulder for better access. Kate's talented, eager tongue finally reached Alex's pussy and she licked slowly through the wet folds, finding Alex's clit at the end of her journey. Kate flicked it once then sucked it into her mouth.

Alex pressed her hips forward, pushing her clit deeper into Kate's mouth. She was using the wall for support and when she was sure she could keep her balance, she brought her hands up to cup her breasts. The moans coming from her mouth echoed off the bathroom walls and she enjoyed the sensation of Kate's lips and tongue between her legs.

The moans coming from Alex drove Kate to increase her motions, determined to carry Alex over the brink. Kate's hands slid up to Alex's waist, helping her to keep her balance.

Alex was rocking her hips now that Kate was helping her stay steady and she knew she was close. She squeezed and massaged her breasts, her eyes closed and her lips parted, **"I'm almost there, baby."**

Kate ran one hand down the leg that was resting on her shoulder. She caressed Alex's smooth calf and gently squeezed while speeding up her tongue. Alex's moans grew short as she inched closer and closer to orgasm. Her muscles tightened all over her body and she came hard against Kate's tongue, her juices pouring out from inside. She thought her knee might buckle, but somehow she remained upright and sighed happily as she came back down.

Kate loved it when Alex came in her mouth because she loved the way Alex tasted. Kate licked Alex clean and then looked up at her, smiling as she slowly stood up. She kissed her way up the blonde's body until she was eye-level with Alex again, **"Merry Christmas baby." **

After a few moments, Kate pulled away from Alex's body and turned on the water in the shower, adjusting it to the perfect temperature. Once it was hot enough, she looked back at Alex, **"Ready for our shower baby? Can you walk or should I carry you?"**

Alex looked at Kate through hooded eyes, **"Huh?"**She was still caught in the euphoria and didn't quite catch what Kate had said.

Kate smiled and walked closer to the dazed blonde, running her hand through her hair. **"Baby, I asked if you were ready for our shower. Can you walk? Are you ok?"**Kate asked, getting a little concerned.

**"Yeah, I'm fine, I think...I can't really move...you made me come so hard I got lightheaded."**

Kate smiled triumphantly and said, **"Come on, I've got you."**She let Alex lean on her as they got into the shower and once the blonde was coherent enough, she brought Kate to her own climax and then cleaned her up so that they wouldn't be late for lunch at Uncle Bill's.

* * *

><p><strong>"They're here, they're here!"<strong>Kevin said, running toward the foyer.

His mother was right behind him and smiled, **"Wait before you open the door sweetie. Let's make sure it is them."** Janice, Alex's tall, blonde cousin, was dressed in a white turtleneck sweater with black slacks and black leather boots. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail and her blue eyes were set off with a light brown shadow and she had a clear gloss on her lips. She reached the door and peered through the peephole to see Alex and Kate. She looked at her son, **"Ok, champ, you can open it."**

Kevin grinned and reached for the knob. He was in a blue dress shirt and coordinating argyle vest with brown slacks and little brown loafers. When he opened the door he practically rushed at Kate, **"Kate! You're here!" **

Alex smiled at her cousin, **"Should I be worried about losing my girlfriend?"**

Janice smiled at the sight of her son resting on Kate's hip, a huge smile on his face. She turned to Alex, **"Well he is quite a charmer, but I think you're safe for now."** Janice turned to Kate and her son, **"Come on in, it's cold out there." **

Kate turned her attention to Janice after she'd finished listening to Kevin telling her about the snow angels he'd made the other day and said, **"Janice, Merry Christmas."**Kate and Alex walked into the house, instantly feeling the warmth embrace them.

Kate put Kevin down to greet Janice and Kevin hugged his cousin around the knees, **"Hi Alex!" **

**"Hi honey,"** she said, lifting him up to give him a tight hug. **"Did Santa bring you something cool?" **

Janice hugged Kate, **"Merry Christmas Kate. You look great, I really love your hair. Did you do something different?" **

Kate smiled, **"Actually, yes I...um, I let Alex style it. She's been begging me to let her do something with my hair for a few weeks now and I finally gave in."** Kate winked at Alex then turned back to Janice, **"So are we the last ones to arrive?"**

**"You're fashionably late, but then again, that doesn't surprise me with my cousin,"**Janice said, glancing back at Alex.

Alex was listening to Kevin talking about his new Playstation 3, but she was able to catch what Janice said and looked up at her, **"Would you expect anything less?" **

Janice chuckled and said, **"We saved you a couple of seats." **

Kate smiled then began to follow Janice to the living room, but before she took two steps, Kevin attached himself to her leg. Kate looked down at the adorable little boy, **"Hey kiddo." **

Kevin grinned up at Kate, **"Hey Kate, can I get a piggyback ride?" **

Kate looked to Janice and Alex, who both just smiled, and Janice nodded that it was ok with her.

Kate turned to Kevin, **"Sure, climb on."**Kate was thankful she was wearing jeans and a silk blouse as she crouched down to let Kevin climb onto her back. Kevin quickly scrambled onto Kate's back, wrapping his arms around her neck and his legs around her waist, holding on tightly. Kate stood up and made sure Kevin wasn't going to lose his grip, then she smiled and began walking to the living room.

Bill and Beth stood up, smiling when they saw Kevin on Kate's back. Alex waved to everyone. Her cousins, Billy and Caroline were there with their spouses and each one was enjoying a cup of freshly prepared eggnog. Billy's kids were playing with the toys that Grandpa and Grandma had given them for Christmas and didn't bother to stop when Alex and Kate walked in.

**"Hi everyone, sorry we kept you all waiting,"**Alex said with a grin.

**"Mm-hmm. We all had bets going whether you'd be over or under 15 minutes. Looks like I win," **Caroline said with a smug smile.

Kate grinned as she crouched down again and let Kevin climb off her back. The little boy turned to Kate and smiled, **"Thanks Kate, you want to come play video games?" **

Kate smiled and said, **"Um, maybe later champ."** Kate lowered her voice to a stage whisper, her way of joking with the boy, **"I kinda gotta stay with the grown-ups for a bit, ok?"**Kate rolled her eyes for dramatic effect.

Kevin giggled and said, **"Ok, but later, we'll play, right?" **

Kate nodded, **"Yup."**

Kevin pumped his fist in the air and exclaimed, **"Yes!"**before he turned and went to play with his cousins.

Kate stood up then and caught the grown-ups smiling at the exchange. Kate blushed a bit but didn't say anything.

When Kate rejoined the adult conversation, Billy was handing 20 dollars to his sister and Beth scolded, **"Hey, no betting on Christmas!" **

Both replied, **"Sorry Mom." **

Beth got up and walked over to the girls to hug them, **"Do you want some eggnog? We have regular and kid-friendly." **

Alex nodded, **"Regular for me, please."**

**"Can I get a cup of the kid-friendly? I'm driving and want to stay sober,"**Kate explained, not wanting to seem like a party pooper or anything, but as a cop, she knew better than to drink if she was driving. Besides, they were driving the Audi and Kate wasn't going to do anything to risk damaging that car.

**"Of course, dears,"** Beth said and went over to the two punch bowls, ladling out one cup for Alex and another for Kate. She handed them to the girls and said, **"Here you go."** Then Caroline motioned for Alex and Kate to come sit by her and her husband. She extended her hand to Kate and said, **"It's a pleasure to meet you Kate. Daddy has told us all about you. This is my husband Caleb."**

He smiled politely, **"A pleasure."**

Kate smiled as she greeted Alex's cousins. She wasn't used to spending Christmas with more than three people so this was a new experience for her. **"Nice to meet you both."**Kate turned to Alex and smiled.

Billy took his turn, **"I'm William Jr. and this is my wife, Angela. Those two making all the noise over there are Eric and Stephanie."**

The two children picked up their heads, the little boy piping up, **"Rick, dad!" **

The little girl waved shyly.

**"Right, he insists on Rick these days, go figure."**

Kate smiled, **"Rick huh? That's different, but I guess if it keeps him happy, small price right?" **

**"The older they get the more particular they become,"** Angela said. **"Are you two planning to have kids?"**

Kate glanced at Alex for a second and smiled before she turned to Angela, **"We've talked about it and we're willing. It's a bit soon right now, but yeah we both want kids."**Kate reached over and grabbed Alex's hand.

**"I'm sure your dad has told you how much Kevin loves his Kate. Makes me a little jealous,"**she teased Kate with a pout.

Kate chuckled and teased her back, **"Personally, I think it's because she's not the center of attention." **

Caroline chuckled, **"She's got you there, Alex. When we were little, she always wanted to play wedding because she wanted to be the bride. Billy was the husband and Janice and I were always the bridesmaids."**

Alex's mouth dropped open, **"That's not true, you weren't _always_ the bridesmaids."**

**"Oh right,"** Janice added, **"Once I got to play the flower girl."**

Kate giggled then turned to Alex, **"You were always the bride, huh? We'll have to see about making that a reality someday." **

Alex was turning beet red. Her cousins always liked to tease her. She leaned her head on Kate's shoulder and nodded, but she couldn't say much. Kate sensed it was time to pull back on the teasing so she changed the subject, **"So, um, Bill you're a judge, Beth you're a lawyer like Alex, are the rest of you in the legal profession as well?"**

Caroline chuckled, **"No, not all of us. I'm a college professor."**

**"And I work as a stock broker,"**Billy said.

Angie smiled at Kate, **"I'm glad to see you had that feeling too. When Billy told me that almost everyone else in his family was in law, I couldn't believe it."**

Kate smiled, **"Well, I hate to add to the count but...I'm also part of the criminal justice system. I'm a Detective."**

All three Harriman children exchanged a look. Their parents hadn't told them about Kate being a detective. **"A detective?"** Caroline asked. **"Wow...that's unexpected." **

Billy looked at his sister, **"Are you being ironic or sarcastic?" **

Janice chimed in, **"I think she's actually shocked that Alex is dating _another_ detective."**

Kate grinned, **"Well, to be honest, Alex didn't know I was a cop when we first met."**Kate felt the jealousy that always popped up whenever Alex's ex was mentioned, but she clamped it down. She didn't want to embarrass Alex in front of her cousins.

**"Oh come on, what are the odds that Alex would pick out two cops, detectives no less, who happen to be tall, dark, and beautiful?"**Billy asked with a grin and then tossed back the rest of his eggnog.

Caleb, who until now had been quiet, tried to help Kate, **"Bill, I really don't think now is the time to be bringing this up." **

Bill Sr. nodded, **"I agree. We're here to celebrate the holiday, not talk about the past." **

**"But dad"**

**"No buts, William. It's inappropriate."**

Kate watched the exchange in silence, grateful to Bill Sr. and Caleb for trying to steer the conversation away from Alex's past. Kate turned to Janice, **"Um, could you tell me where the powder room is?"**

Janice smiled, knowing that Kate needed a moment alone, and said, **"Of course, take a left into the hall and it's the third door on the right." **

Kate smiled, **"Thanks."** Kate turned to Alex, **"Honey, I'll be right back, ok?" **

**"Do you want me to come with you?"**Alex asked when she saw Kate get up.

Kate smiled, **"No, um...I'll be ok, I just need a minute, ok?"**Kate's words said one thing but her eyes reflected that there was something deeper going on and she struggled to hide her emotions as she made her way out of the room.

Alex turned to Bill, Jr. and said, **"I want to see you in the kitchen, now."** She got up and pulled her male cousin into the other room and shut the door. **"What the hell is your problem?"**

Billy was confused, a little drunk, and a little scared of Alex right now, despite the fact that he was older and had at least a hundred pounds on her. **"What are you talking about?"**He tried to play dumb.

**"Comparing her to Olivia? That's low, even for you, Bill. Especially on Christmas."**

Bill tried to back track, **"Whoa, whoa, who said anything about Olivia? All I meant was it was quite a coincidence that you're dating another hot cop. What's the big deal? I mean, she does know that you've dated other women, even another cop doesn't she?"**

**"Yes, but it doesn't mean that she likes to be compared to someone I was with. I love her and _we're_ together now, not me and Olivia. Don't bring it up again, Bill, I mean it."**

Bill saw the anger in his cousin's eyes and he knew he was treading on thin ice. He decided it was safer for him to back down, **"Ok, ok. I promise I won't bring it up again. I'm sorry if it caused any problems but Alex, between you, me, and the stove, you gotta admit it's quite a coincidence that you're dating another hot cop." **

**"I had no idea she was a cop when I met her, ok? I fell in love with her for her, not because of her profession. I want you to apologize to her for making her feel like shit on Christmas."**

Bill took a breath, **"Ok I'll apologize."** Then he looked away for a moment to gather his strength before he said, **"Alex, regardless of everything else, I'm just really glad you're back and that you're happy and in love. Personally, I never thought Olivia was the one for you. She always seemed to be holding something back. I'm not trying to pick a fight or anything, I'm just being honest. I saw Kate with you tonight and just from that brief time I can tell she's it for you. Im happy for you both."**Billy hugged his cousin.

Alex hugged him back, sighing. She knew that he'd had a bit too much to drink and he likely didn't mean any harm. As long as he apologized to Kate and made her feel welcome, that's all that mattered to her. She looked at him, **"Come on, let's go back in there. I don't want to fight or cause problems today of all days."** She walked back into the living room with Billy and smiled when she saw Kate. She went to sit by her and put her arm around her waist, **"Hi baby."**

Kate had spent a few minutes in the bathroom, her hands on the counter near the sink, and her head down while she took deep breaths. She knew she had to control her emotions when it came to Alex's ex. Kate knew that Alex's ex didn't pose a real threat, after all, she was in Alex's past and the blonde hadn't even tried to contact her since she'd been back, neither had the ex, despite the publicity that Alex's return to New York received. Still, knowing there was a woman out there that Alex had once planned to marry and have a family with messed with Kate's head. She knew Alex had a past, hell she had her own past, but there hadn't been anyone in Kate's past that she had loved the way she loved Alex, no one she had ever even thought about marriage and kids with-not even Amber. Kate finally calmed herself down enough to rejoin the party.

Kate stepped out of the bathroom and saw Kevin sitting on the floor across from the bathroom. He looked a little sad, so Kate crouched down to his level, **"Hey champ, whatcha doin' out here?" **

Kevin looked up at Kate, **"Are you okay Kate?" **

**"Yeah honey, I'm ok. Why?" **

Kevin shrugged as he looked back towards the living room then back to Kate, **"The grown-ups were laughing, then Grandpa yelled at Uncle Billy and you left the room. Then Alex pulled Uncle Billy into the kitchen and I heard Alex yelling but didn't hear Uncle Billy. I came to see if you're okay."**

Kate smiled at the boy's twisty logic and concern. She pulled him into a hug. **"Yes honey, I'm ok. It was just, grown up stuff. Come on, let's go back in there ok?"**

Kevin nodded, secure that his favorite person was ok. They walked back into the living room and Kevin went back to playing with his cousins after giving Kate a kiss on the cheek. Kate went to sit back on the love seat she had vacated and soon after, Alex came back in the room, followed by a contrite looking Billy, and sat she next to Kate.

The brunette smiled when Alex put her arm around her and leaned closer to kiss her cheek, **"Hi sweetie. Why were you in the kitchen?"**

She spoke in a hushed voice, **"I was reading Billy the riot act. I'm sorry that he did that to you, sweetheart. If I had known, I would've put a stop to it before he had the chance to say word one. Are you ok?"**

Kate smiled then turned to look at Kevin for a moment before she turned back to Alex and whispered, **"Yeah, I'm fine." **

Billy cleared his throat and looked at Kate, though he couldn't really bring himself to meet her direct gaze, **"Um, Kate?"**

Kate turned to look at Billy, noticing the apologetic look on his face, **"Yes Billy?"**

**"I'm sorry that I brought up Alex's ex and compared you to her. I was out of line. The truth is, you make my cousin very happy and that's what we all should focus on."**

Kate smiled, **"Thank you Billy."** Kate didn't know what else to say. She didn't want to talk about this anymore, **"Now, how about we pick a happy topic to talk about?"**

**"I agree,"** Beth said. **"But first, let's all go into the dining room so that we can have lunch." **

Everyone nodded and got up from the couch, the little ones rushing ahead except for Kevin who asked Kate, **"Kate, will you still at the small table with me?"**

Kate smiled down at Kevin and said, **"You got it champ. Let's go eat."** Kate took the boy's hand and walked towards the dining room. Alex was waiting for them at the doorway and when she tried to lead Kate to the big table, Kate held back, **"Sorry honey but I promised this little guy I'd sit at the kids' table with him, is that ok?"**

Alex chuckled, **"Of course."** Then she knelt down and said to Kevin, **"You take good care of my girl, ok?"**

Kevin grinned, **"I will. Come on Kate."**He pulled Kate towards the small table and she followed.

Alex joined the adults at the table and waited while her Uncle Bill brought out the turkey. Everything was spread out on the table in matching serving dishes with gleaming silver serving utensils nearby. Beth had set out their finest China, crystal glasses, and brilliant red napkins. Alex set her napkin in her lap and watched as her uncle carved. A platter was sent around and everyone served themselves, the parents of the children at the small table portioning out the meal onto special plastic plates.

Alex chuckled, doing the same for Kate, and placed a pink plate down in front of her. **"Do you want milk or wine?" **

Kate laughed, **"Very funny. No wine, but can you get me some juice?"**Kate heard the other kids giggling at Alex's actions and she smiled, liking that at least the kids were having a good time.

Alex kissed Kate's forehead and then went to get her some juice. She brought the juice back in a matching pink cup, **"There you go, babe." **

Stephy looked at Kate and asked, **"Is she your mommy?"**Stephanie was only two and she didn't understand why Alex was doing the same things for Kate that her mom was doing for her when Kate was so much bigger.

Kate smiled at the little girl, **"No honey she's not my mommy. She's just being a good friend."**

Kevin added, **"She's not your friend, Kate. She's your girlfriend. That's different..."**

Kate smiled at Kevin, **"Yes she's my girlfriend but she's also my friend. She's both." **

**"Oh,"**he said and then went back to his meal. Everyone at the adult table was smiling.

Beth leaned over and whispered to Alex, **"She's going to be an amazing mother someday. You're very lucky darling." **

Alex nodded, **"I know. Believe me, I tell myself that every day."**Everyone around the table enjoyed their food and shared in light conversation, keeping away from the topic of politics. The Harrimans were known for heated political debates, but on holidays, Beth had imposed a rule that there was to be no discussion about anything directly related to the political realm.

At the children's table, Kevin kept looking over at Kate and smiling. He loved her so much and wished that sometime he could go stay with her and Alex again. Rick and Stephy were quietly enjoying their meal until Rick decided to steal Stephy's bread from her plate. She looked at him, **"That's mine!" **

**"It's mine now,"**he shot back.

**"No! Gimme!"**she said, hitting him.

He hit her back, **"No!"**

She started to cry and ran over to her mom. Angela took the little girl in her arms and said, **"Ok, come here...Bill, talk to your son." **

Bill looked at his wife, **"I'm no good at that, you talk to him." **

Angela rolled her eyes, **"Alex, would you mind?" **

**"No, of course not. Come here, sweetie."** She took the little girl and patted her back, **"Shhh, it's ok, honey, we'll get you some more."**

Kate watched the altercation and her first instinct was to do something but she was reluctant to step in and try to discipline someone else's child. Luckily, it happened very fast and before she knew it, Rick was with his mother getting a mini lecture and Stephy was in Alex's arms, crying. Kate watched Alex as she calmed the girl down and even got her to smile. She knew in that moment that Alex was going to be a wonderful mother.

Alex sat the little girl down on her lap and handed her some more bread and wiped her tears, **"There, all better. Do you want to go sit back down?" **

Stephy shook her head, **"I want to stay with you, please."**The little girl grinned and then set her head down on Alex's shoulder.

**"Ok, but we need to finish eating, all right?"**Stephy nodded and then took a piece of turkey that Alex was holding out for her. Afterwards, everything went back to normal and Alex helped Stephy finish her lunch. Once she was done, the little girl got down from Alex's lap to go play in the other room and Alex called Kate over to sit with her.

**"Do you want some dessert?"** Beth offered when the two women were done. **"No, Aunt Beth, we actually have to get going. We have another get together to go to."**

Kate sat next to Alex, smiling, and then turned to girlfriend, **"Wait a second honey."** She looked over at Beth, **"What's for dessert? Maybe we could take some to go?"**Kate was not one to turn down a sweet treat.

**"We have freshly made pie, apple, cherry, and pumpkin, brownies, sugar cookies, and rum balls,"** Beth said with a smile. **"I can pack you up some of each, if you'd like."**

Kate turned to Alex with her puppy dog eyes, **"Please?"**She knew Alex couldn't resist her puppy eyes.

Alex laughed, **"Ok, ok. Go on, you can help her pack it up and I'll get our coats from the other room."**

Kate smiled and leaned closer to whisper in Alex's ear, **"I promise to reward you tonight."**Kate pulled away and followed Beth into the kitchen.

Alex grinned and then made her way into the living room to gather their things. By the time Kate and Beth came out of the kitchen, Stephy was sitting on Alex's lap again asking her not to go. Rick and Kevin were playing until Kevin saw Kate and he ran over, **"Stay, please, Kate?"**

Kate crouched down to Kevin's level and she said, **"Oh honey I wish I could, but we have to go see some other friends for a bit." **

He pouted, **"I don't want you to go..."**There were tears threatening his eyes and he hugged Kate's leg.

Kate felt her heart constrict when she saw he was close to tears. She hugged him close then said, **"I know sweetie but I'll tell you what, how would you like it if after the new year, you, me, and Alex go to the zoo in Central Park and spend the day together if your mom says it's ok. Sound good?"**

He grinned and ran over to his mom, **"Can I, mom, please?" **

Janice smiled, **"We'll see sweetie. If you're a good boy, you can go over. Now, come on, Alex and Kate have to get going." **

Alex hugged her cousins and her aunt and uncle and thanked them for a wonderful time. They all hugged Kate as well and wished them a happy Christmas. Alex smiled at Kate and took her hand as they walked to the car, **"Did you enjoy yourself?"**

Kate grinned, **"Yes I did. Though I hated having to leave Kevin like that. Hopefully he can come over and we can have a good day together."** Kate thought of something, **"Unless you don't want that, I mean I know I should've asked you first but I just thought it would be fun."**

**"Of course, honey. He loves the zoo, he'll have a blast,"**she said with a smile.

Kate held the passenger door open for Alex and then walked around to the driver's side. She slid in and turned to Alex with a smile, **"Thank you again for the car baby. I love it."**Kate leaned forward and kissed Alex.

**"I'm happy baby, I wanted you to really enjoy it...and later, we'll get to take it for a nice long drive."** She looked at her watch, **"We won't be able to stay at Castle's for long if we're planning to make it upstate before eight. You don't mind, right?"**

Kate smiled, **"I don't mind. The sooner we get to Amherst, the sooner I have you all to myself and I can ravage you."**Kate enjoyed seeing the reaction her words caused in her girlfriend.

Alex looked at her like a predator, **"I think I'll be the one doing the ravaging, babe. Trust me."**She chuckled and watched as Kate tried to maintain.

Kate smiled as she drove through the streets to Castle's apartment. **"Either way, we're bound to have a great time."**

**"Of that I have no doubt,"**Alex said with a grin. They pulled into the garage at Castle's building and got out of the car. Alex was holding onto a small bag and handed Kate the bottle of wine they'd picked out. They got into the elevator and went up to his apartment.

Alexis Castle was on door duty for the party, playing hostess. She opened the door and when she saw Kate and Alex there she smiled. She was so happy to see them. **"Kate, Alex, come on in!"**Alexis stepped aside and let them enter. There was music playing and everyone seemed to be having a good time.

**"Hi Alexis, you look very beautiful,"** Alex said with a broad smile. She showed her the bag filled with gifts and asked, **"Where should I put these?" **

Alexis grinned and pointed to the tree in the corner, **"Right there. We're not exchanging gifts for another half hour. Dad wanted to make sure that everyone on the list was here and had some time to have fun before we got to the good stuff. You two are the last."**Alexis took their coats and closed the door behind them. She pointed to the island in the middle of the kitchen where the appetizers were laid out and the bar where the drinks were available. There was also a punch bowl, mostly for Alexis and any designated drivers and a karaoke machine that was currently being used by Lanie, who was singing "Jingle Bell Rock."

Alex put her hand on Kate's back and walked with her into the party. There were several people from work and a few that Alex recognized mostly from the society page of the newspaper. They walked over to the island to get some snacks to be polite, after all, they'd just finished eating, and Alex decided to have a glass of champagne.

Kate looked around the room and almost wished she had her autograph book on her. She knew Castle had celebrity friends but she'd never met any of them. Across the room stood James Patterson, Stephen Cannell, and Michael Connelly in what looked like a friendly debate with each other. Kate loved their books, especially Patterson's _Women's Murder Club_ series. Kate went to the punch bowl and got some juice as a way to keep herself from acting like a star-struck fan with her favorite authors.

Alex sipped her champagne and waved when Castle spotted her. He walked over after excusing himself from his conversation with Ryan and smiled, **"You made it. We were starting to wonder."**

Kate watched as Castle walked up to Alex, smiling when she realized that something that used to cause intense jealousy now only amused her. She knew it was because Castle had no shot.

**"My aunt and uncle kept us a little later than we thought. Looks like a great turnout,"** Alex said, looking around. **"I love your tree, who decorated?" **

**"Why, Alexis and I did, of course,"**Martha said as she walked up right on cue.

**"It's been up since the day after Thanksgiving,"** Castle said. **"We love Christmas around here." **

**"That's because we always get you some cool, techie present,"**Alexis added.

**"This year it was DJ Hero!"**he said with a huge grin that reminded Alex of Kevin.

Kate walked up behind Alexis just as Castle mentioned DJ Hero. She grinned, **"Merry Christmas everyone."** Kate turned to Alex, **"Babe, did you notice who's here?"**She discreetly gestured to the authors across the room.

Alex looked at Kate and then glanced in the direction that she indicated, **"Um, no? Well, one of them from those commercials for that book, but I have no idea who the others are. Should I?"**

Kate suddenly remembered that Alex wasn't a fan of crime novels and she sighed, **"I'm sorry honey I forgot you don't read crime novels. Those three men right there are three of the best crime fiction writers in the world."** Kate noticed the look on Castle's face and knew she had to feed his ego a bit, **"After Castle, of course. That one with the glasses is James Patterson, the older man with the beard is Stephen J. Cannell and the one with the goatee is Michael Connelly."**

Alex shrugged, obviously clueless, and said, **"Why don't you go say hi?"**

Kate blushed and turned away, **"No that's ok."**Kate stayed next to Alex, knowing that if she did go up and say anything to her favorite authors, she would end up embarrassing herself.

Castle took her by the arm, **"Come on, I'll introduce you."**He pulled her into the direction of where the writers were talking.

Alex leaned back against the island and watched with a suppressed grin, **"This is going to be good."**

Kate tried to talk Castle out of it, **"Castle, no, I don't need to meet them." **

**"Oh nonsense, they're regular guys like me, you'll thank me later." **

Kate realized it would be easier to just give in so she did.

Castle walked up to his friends and said, **"Hey guys, I'd like you to meet someone."** The writers gave him their attention but were soon distracted by the beautiful brunette standing next to him. **"This is Detective Kate Beckett. Kate this is James Patterson, Stephen J. Cannell, and Michael Connelly."**

Kate smiled, **"Nice to meet you all. I'm a big fan."**The writers all expressed their pleasure in meeting her.

Then Connelly smiled and said, **"So you're the inspiration for Nikki Heat huh? Well, I can see now why Castle is still following you around. You must be really good at your job."**He had started to hit on her but decided against it, not wanting to cause a problem for Castle if he was involved with her.

Castle intervened, **"Actually, she's amazing. Always gets the bad guy. I really couldn't have asked for better inspiration, but before anyone gets any ideas, she and I are not an item despite my best efforts."**

Kate smiled, **"Yes that's true. However, I am taken so Castle's going to have to find someone else."**Kate was a little nervous to admit that she was in a relationship with another woman for fear of how these men might react.

**"Not really all that surprising. You're a very attractive woman,"** Patterson said. **"Whoever he is, he's a lucky man."**

Kate blushed, **"Actually..." **

Before Kate could tell them it wasn't a man, but a woman, Castle cut in, **"Actually, yes he is a lucky man, but sadly, he had to work tonight so he's not here."**Castle didn't want the writers to know about Kate and Alex because he knew they would never let him live it down that his inspiration, his muse for Nikki Heat was a lesbian. They'd tease him for a while yeah, but then they'd start wondering if he was going to write that into the next Nikki Heat book. Castle didn't need that so he lied.

Connelly spoke up, **"So, the blonde you walked in with, you're friends? Do you know if she's seeing anyone?"**

Kate smiled sheepishly. She had decided to go along with Castle's lie but Connelly's question was tempting her to confess. She took a breath and said,** "Um, actually yes she's taken too."**Connelly frowned but he took it ok.

Patterson, though, placed a hand on Kate's arm, leaned in a bit, and spoke in a low voice, **"You know, your boyfriend is a lucky man but he's a fool to leave such a beautiful woman alone at a Castle party."**

Alex noticed the look on Kate's face when Patterson put his arm on her and she decided that now might be a good time to go over and save her from what looked like a dubious situation. She smiled as she approached and said, **"I hope I'm not interrupting anything."**

The writers turned to the beautiful blonde and smiled. **"Oh no, not at all. You must be Kate's friend,"**Connelly said, smiling as he looking her up and down. Kate was proud of herself for not getting jealous when he and the other writers began flirting and leering at her girlfriend.

Alex nodded, **"Yeah, and right now, I need a moment alone with my _friend_. Will you please excuse us?"** She grabbed Kate by the hand and led her away to a quiet corner, **"Should I ask?"**

Kate smiled at Alex, **"Ask what?"**

**"That guy shamelessly flirting and all of them under the impression that we're friends?"**

Kate grinned, **"Oh that? It's nothing, baby. I was about to tell them about us but Castle cut in and said I had a boyfriend. I don't like lying but something tells me that there's a good reason for it. I'm sorry, honey."**Kate knew Alex didn't like having to lie or hide, and if she asked, Kate would walk right up to those men and set the record straight, so to speak, but she figured Castle had a reason.

**"Castle's the one who told them you had a boyfriend? I'm going to ask him about it later, but for now, we should get going. We'll ask them about their presents later."**

Kate nodded, realizing it was getting late and she would much rather get to Amherst where she could have Alex all to herself than insist on working this issue out right now. **"Ok, I'll go find Alexis and ask her for our coats, ok? I'll meet you at the front door."**

**"Sounds good."** On the way to the door she thanked Martha for their hospitality and apologized for the quick escape. She waved at Castle and pointed at her watch when he mouthed, _"Why?"_ She mouthed back, _"Long drive." _

She smiled when Kate walked up and said, **"Merry Christmas,"**to Alexis and Martha before leaving the apartment.

Kate once again held the car door open for Alex then walked around to her side and pulled away from the curb. After a moment of silence, she carefully asked, **"So, um...are you ok over there?"**

**"Yes, I'm fine, why?"**

Kate shrugged, wondering how to bring up what she wanted to ask, **"Um...because you seemed to be very upset about what Castle said and I just...I wanted to make sure that you were ok."**

**"Honey, I wasn't upset. I was confused as to why he'd go to the trouble to lie for you about your relationship status. It just seemed odd to me."**

Kate thought about that for a minute then said, **"Well, he introduced me and his friends knew right away that I was the inspiration for Nikki Heat. Something tells me that if they knew the inspiration for Nikki Heat was a lesbian well...you know how immature men can be they'd probably tease him forever. I think he just wanted to avoid all that."**The more she thought about it the more it made sense to her given what she knew already about Castle.

Alex thought about that. She knew that it was best to avoid the whole "Nikki Heat is really a lesbian" thing and she nodded, **"I suppose that's plausible, but I really don't think it was his place to make that decision for you or to lie on your behalf. It's your life Kate and he should've let you take the lead on that."**

Kate sighed, **"I know honey, but I think it was a spur of the moment thing. Patterson made the innocent comment about whoever I was dating being a lucky man and I was going to correct him, but Castle was a bit faster." **

**"Yeah, well, next time, he should think before he speaks. It's not his decision to make."**

**"Castle? Thinking before he speaks? Good luck with that one, but I'll have a talk with him about it as soon as we get back from Amherst, ok honey? Until then can we just forget about Castle and all that drama for the rest of this year?"**Kate asked, hoping they could put this aside and just enjoy their vacation.

**"That's exactly what I had in mind, honey. The sooner we get to the house, the sooner we can get to it."**

Kate reached over and placed her hand on Alex's knee, **"Good, this is going to be the best week ever. I intend to make our first New Year's Eve together a memorable night."**

**"So do I, baby."**She placed her hand on Kate's thigh while she drove and kept it there the entire way.

* * *

><p>When they arrived at the Cabot estate, Alex told Kate the code to enter to open the gate and then they drove up to the main house. They drove past nearly a quarter-mile of perfectly manicured trees and then the dirt became pavement and Alex pointed to the garage over on the right side of the house. <strong>"You can pull into the first stall."<strong>

Kate pulled into the garage, trying to hide her reaction to her surroundings. From the moment she passed through the gates until she pulled into the garage, Kate couldn't believe what she was seeing. This wasn't a house...it was a mansion! Kate suddenly felt a little out of place and pretty intimidated. After all, she had grown up in Queens, she was a cop, she didn't belong in a mansion in Upstate New York.

Kate slowly got out of the car, hoping to hide her feelings for a bit until she could get them under control. She went around to open the car door for Alex. Alex stepped out of the car and her heel clicked on the smooth concrete, a happy change from all the snow in the city. She pressed the button to close the garage door and then opened the door to let Kate inside. The door from the garage led into the kitchen and Alex turned on the lights, the familiar scent of home taking her back to a time when she was younger, much more innocent. She smiled, everything was in perfect order, nice and clean thanks to a caretaker that had been under the Cabot's employ for years.

She pulled Kate closer and said, **"Welcome home, baby. What do you think?"**

Kate embraced Alex and nuzzled her neck for a moment, then she pulled away and smiled, **"It's very beautiful here, Alex."**

**"I'm glad you like it. I want us to spend as much time here as possible, especially after the baby is born. Do you want me to show you around?"**

Kate thought for a moment, **"A tour? I would like that...tomorrow. Tonight I just want to see the bedroom, is that ok?"**

**"Of course. Come on,"** Alex said taking Kate's hand. She led her from the kitchen across the living room to the stairs. When they reached the second floor, Alex took her down the west hall to her old bedroom, which was at the end. There were several paintings on the walls, one between each of the doorways, of which there were eight, four on the right and four on the left. Alex opened the last one on the right and smiled, **"This is it."**

Kate smiled as she walked into the bedroom, but her smile morphed into a shocked 'o' shape when she saw the decor. There was a four-poster California King bed directly across from the door, the carpet was a rich, plush light blue and the bedding, curtains, even the walls were done in varying shades of blue and cream. The bedroom was the size of her living room and kitchen combined. Kate took a few steps further into the room and noticed two doors off to the right set about seven feet apart.

Kate turned to Alex, **"Um...where do those doors lead?" **

Kate was struggling not to mention how out of place she felt in such an opulent room. She knew Alex came from money, but she'd never really thought about it before... Today, however, between the car and this house, it was becoming blatantly obvious to her that Alex was completely out of her league. It made Kate wonder why Alex was with her.

**"The one on the right leads to the closet and the other one goes to the bathroom, do you want to see it?"**

Kate took that in, a private bathroom for the bedroom. She nodded, stalling for time so she could hide her insecurity over their obvious differences. Alex took her hand and they walked to the door so that Alex could open it. The bathroom, like her bedroom, was coordinated with blue. The walls were Mediterranean blue and the floor was laminate hardwood. To the left was a stainless steel sink sunken into dark brown granite with a large mirror spanning the length of the wall. The shower was directly across from the doorway and through the clear glass door, a mosaic wall could be seen with various shades of blue and brown speckled throughout.

On the right was a modern take on a footed tub with stainless steel fixtures that matched the sink. It was all very sleek, but the colors along with the many candles and warm lighting from pendant lamps gave it an earthy feeling, the perfect place for an escape after a long day.

Kate was speechless as she looked around the bathroom. She turned to Alex, **"Wow Alex, this is...just...very nice."**She didn't know what else to say.

**"We can take a bath tomorrow. I have some bath salts that smell like dreamsicles. I've been saving them for a special occasion,"**she said, kissing Kate's neck.

Kate tilted her head back and to the side, giving Alex better access to her skin. Kate let out a small moan, **"Oh baby, I love it when you kiss my neck."**Kate pulled Alex closer, running her hands down the blonde's back to her ass and squeezed gently.

Alex licked up to Kate's ear, **"Well that's lucky, because I love kissing your neck."**She nibbled Kate's ear and then started kissing her way back down, inching over her shoulder, down her collarbone, and between her breasts.

Kate felt her knees getting weak, **"Baby, maybe we should move this to that gorgeous bed you have, I don't know how much longer I can stand on my own."**Kate's voice was laced with arousal.

Alex pulled back from Kate and said, **"Lead the way, gorgeous."** She followed Kate out of the bathroom and started stripping out of her clothes once she hit the bedroom. **"Lay down, I'll take care of everything."**

Kate stood next to the bed watching as Alex walked closer. Normally she loved it when Alex took control in the bedroom, it turned her on to see the blonde take charge, but for some reason, here in this house where Kate so obviously didn't fit in, she didn't like the loss of control. Kate held up a hand to Alex, **"Wait, um, I need a second ok?"**

Alex looked at her in disbelief, **"What do you mean?"**

Kate took a breath, **"Just give me a second, please? This is...a little overwhelming."**Kate knew she wasn't making any sense, but that was known to happen when someone found themselves outside of their comfort zone.

**"What are you talking about? You mean me? Or being here?"**Alex needed to know what was affecting Kate so that she could fix it for her.

Kate's eyes softened, **"No it's not you, trust me...it's just...this,"** Kate gestured to encompass the whole room but she really meant the whole estate, **"It's not exactly what I was expecting when you said you had a house upstate."**

**"So...you're overwhelmed because the house isn't what you were expecting and now you feel, what, out of place?"** Alex walked over to her closet and grabbed her robe to cover herself. **"Was it a mistake bringing you here?"**

Kate sat down on the bed and closed her eyes. The evening was deteriorating before her eyes and she didn't know how to salvage it. **"No, it wasn't a mistake. It's just..."** Kate sighed, **"I see what you have, what you came from and then I look at myself and...I feel like I will never be able to measure up."** Kate paused a moment and then continued, **"I know it's silly to be focusing on something so...unimportant, but...I can't help it. It makes me wonder what could I possibly ever give you that you don't already have or that you can't find somewhere else with someone from your own status in society. It makes me wonder why you're slumming it with me."**That last bit was almost whispered, so low that Kate hoped Alex didn't hear it, but she knew she wasn't that lucky.

Alex could've been knocked over with a feather when she heard the last utterance. She crossed her arms over her chest defensively and said,** "I never figured you for the self depreciating type, Kate. God, you make it sound like I'm with you as like a...a pity project. I don't have bets going with my friends to see if I can make you over into a socialite, I'm not trying to save you, I'm not trying to make you feel like shit, I'm just trying to share my life with you and like it or not, this is a part of who I am. I brought you here because I want you to know where I come from and I want you to love me anyway. But if you can't see past this...past material things...then I'm not sure what you're doing with me."** She was already close to tears as she started out of the room. She stopped in the doorway and turned around, **"And by the way, the thing you can offer me that no one else can is a future filled with love, laughter, and happiness...and that's all I need."**

Kate sat on the bed after Alex left the room thinking about what she'd said. She replayed it all in her head and each time, her heart sank even lower. She knew Alex was right, that none of this mattered, that she wasn't with her out of pity or anything like that. She knew that none of these material things mattered, but...she'd never dated anyone who came from so much old money. She'd never dated anyone who had the means to buy an Audi like it was a pack of gum.

Kate knew she loved Alex with all her heart, that she loved the woman, not the money or the possessions or anything like that, but the actual person. What worried her was Alex's family. Despite their warm acceptance, Kate couldn't help wondering if they saw her as a gold-digger, another lowly cop that was trying to get to Alex's fortune.

She hated that Alex's family had compared her to Alex's ex at all, but there was nothing she could do about it. They only thing she could do was give it time, but in order to do that, she'd have to deal with being compared. It was a catch-22. After a few minutes, Kate realized that the longer she sat here thinking in circles, the longer Alex was alone somewhere in this huge house thinking that Kate actually had a problem with all of this...that Kate would let this or her insecurities stand in the way of their happiness.

Kate shot up off the bed and ran from the room, but when she entered the hallway, she stopped. She had no clue which direction Alex had gone and given the size of the house, Kate could be looking for her well into the night. The brunette decided to use her detective skills to try to find Alex so she closed her eyes and listened to the silence.

After a few moments, Kate began to pick up a faint sound and she focused on it. She started moving forward, her ears straining to pick up the sounds, and after a few wrong turns the sound became louder. She recognized it as the sound of Alex sobbing and her heart constricted. Kate kept walking until she finally found the door where the sounds were coming from.

Kate carefully opened the door and peeked inside and the first thing she saw was Alex, in a chair, crying. Kate walked into the room and stood a few steps away, not sure if she'd be welcomed anymore. **"I'm sorry."**It was all she could think to say at the moment.

Alex looked up and sniffled. The low light of the den cast heavy shadows that seemed appropriate for the situation. She reached for the glass of vodka that was sitting in a crystal glass on the table next to the chair and took a sip. She pulled her emotions back and stared straight into Kate's eyes, **"You need to tell me right now if you still want to be with me, even knowing about all of this, because if you can't deal with it, then I need to move on and deal with the pain now...not six months or a year or five years from now."** She set the glass down and stood, walking over to Kate, **"So, what's it going to be?"**

Kate looked into Alex's blue eyes and she knew only one thing: she could never, ever walk away from this woman. Kate lifted her hand slowly to cup Alex's cheek and rubbed her thumb over the cheekbone, **"I meant what I said Alex. You are mine and I am yours and nothing, not even all of this is going to change that."** Kate lifted her other hand to touch the pendant on Alex's chest, the one she'd given her. **"You own my heart, I gave it to you freely and you hold it still. I love you Alexandra Cabot and nothing in this world will ever change that. All of this..."** Kate once again gestured to the house, **"...will take a bit of getting used to, but it's not what matters. What matters is that we love each other and we want the same things, a future together and a family. So..."** Kate took a breath and smiled, **"If you can handle having a girlfriend who was an idiot for letting any of this bother her, for doubting for even a moment that what we have is enough for you, then I'm all in. No matter what."**Kate waited to see what Alex would say, hoping she wasn't too late.

Alex lifted Kate's hand and brought it to her heart, Alex's creamy skin warm under Kate's touch. She looked deep into Kate's eyes and said, **"My heart is yours forever Kate. Every beat is for us, for our future, for all of our hopes and dreams and if you asked me to, I would get rid of all of this because it could never compare to what I've found in you. This place is a house, the place where I grew up and for a long time, it was my home...but now, you are my home. Only you."**She leaned in and kissed Kate deeply, her tears falling again.

Kate wrapped her arms around Alex as they kissed, thankful that she hadn't messed things up. After a few moments Kate pulled back and looked at Alex with a smile, **"As much as it means to me that you would give all this up for me, I don't want you to do that. This is a part of who you are and I would never ask you to give up anything that makes you the wonderful woman I fell in love with."** Kate paused and then grinned a sexy grin, 

Alex nodded, **"Absolutely...but in the meantime, I think it's the perfect place to fill with sounds of pleasure. What do you say we go back upstairs and pick up where we left off, but this time, I'm all yours...you are free to do as you like, baby."**

Kate grinned, **"I say that's a great idea but um, you'll have to lead the way because I got a bit lost and turned around when I was looking for you."**

Alex licked her lips and took Kate's hand, lacing their fingers. She led her back upstairs to her bedroom and went to sit on the bed. She took the sash from her robe and offered it to Kate.

Kate stepped closer, her hands on Alex's knees to part her legs so she could stand between them. She looked down at her beautiful girlfriend and in that second she knew she would gladly do whatever Alex asked of her to keep her happy. Kate ran her hands through the silky blonde hair before she took hold of the sash on the robe Alex wore.

With a grin, she tugged the sash until it came untied then she parted the folds of the robe to gaze at the perfect body that had been hidden. Kate loved looking at Alex naked, it turned her on to know that no one else was ever going to see what Kate got to see on a daily basis. Kate leaned down and took one of Alex's breasts into her mouth, her desire for the blonde overwhelming her. Her hand drifted to the other breast, caressing it. Kate's other hand slipped around Alex's body to her back and lightly scratched the skin at the small of her back. She knew it was one of Alex's sensitive spots. Kate wanted to bring Alex as much pleasure as she could before bringing her to climax; she wanted to show her just how much she loved her.

Alex moaned from Kate's touch, her nipples stiff and sensitive. She arched her back, the scratching driving her wild, which was evident from the glistening wetness on her thighs. Her clit was hard and ready for Kate whenever she decided to pay attention to it and her skin was flushed that gorgeous rosy pink that she knew Kate loved. She ran her fingers through Kate's smooth hair, tugging just a little the way the brunette enjoyed.

Kate smiled around the nipple in her mouth when she felt Alex tugging on her hair. She knew that meant Alex was wet and ready for her, so Kate moved her mouth to the other breast as her hand drifted lower. Kate's hand stopped on Alex's hip and the other hand quickly joined it before she lifted her head to whisper, **"Lay back baby."**Kate gently applied pressure until Alex was lying down on the bed, her legs hanging over the edge.

Kate knelt down on the plush carpet and began kissing her way down Alex's body. Her hands were massaging Alex's thighs, drifting closer and closer with each stroke to the wetness that awaited Kate's talented tongue. Kate slipped her tongue into Alex's navel, licking it lightly before drifting lower. Kate heard the sounds coming from Alex and smiled, proud to know that she could draw them out of her.

Before she reached her intended target, Kate lifted her head and said, **"I love you baby...tell me what you want me to do."**Kate loved hearing Alex talk dirty. It was a turn on for her to hear the normally cool and composed blonde using such language.

Alex looked down, her lips parted and full, and she spoke, **"I want you to fuck me with your tongue, baby. I want you to lick the entire length of my pussy and make me yours."**

Kate felt a surge of wetness in her own pussy when she heard Alex's request. She licked her lips and leaned forward, licking the entire length of Alex's wet pussy several times, each time ending with a flick to her clit. Kate brought her hand closer and used it to squeeze Alex's clit while she drifted a little lower and slipped her tongue deep inside of her blonde lover. She loved how Alex tasted and she began moving her tongue in and out of the wetness that seemed to flow like a river. She drank up every drop as her hand squeezed and teased Alex's clit.

Alex leaned back on her elbows, her hair draping down and her eyes closed. She was making the most pleasured sounds as she surrendered to Kate's touch. **"Fuck, baby, yeah, just like that. I'm yours, all yours, please, don't stop."**

Kate had no intention of stopping, at least not until Alex had come in her mouth. She kept doing what she was doing, her other hand drifting up the blonde's body to cup and massage her breast. Kate loved having Alex like this, naked, writhing, taking pleasure from Kate's actions, primal. It touched a part of Kate that she tried to keep under wraps, the primitive side of her brain that insisted on marking her territory. To that part of her brain, Alex was her territory, but Kate knew better than to let that part of her brain take control. Kate felt Alex's muscles tighten around her tongue and she knew the blonde was close.

Alex sat up as much as she could and looked down at Kate. Watching her lover doing those things between her legs intensified her orgasm and she gripped the sheets, moaning, screaming, really letting herself go since there was no one within 5 miles of the house. **"Kate!"** she yelled, **"I love you, God, I love you!"**she managed just as she came hard into Kate's mouth. Her entire body went rigid and her heart was racing, unable to hold a single thing back in that moment.

Kate licked Alex through her orgasm, a little shocked but definitely pleased that she was much louder than she usually was and that was saying something because Alex wasn't exactly quiet when she came. Kate began kissing her way up Alex's sweat slicked body, chest heaving as she caught her breath. Kate loved seeing Alex like this. She stretched out next to her lover, nuzzling her neck as she whispered, **"That was so hot, you were so much louder tonight than usual...I love you baby."**

Alex blushed, **"I love you too. I figure there's no one around to hear me, so I wanted to just let it all go for you. You're so amazing, baby, so amazing. Is it my turn now?"**

Kate grinned, **"Well if being here makes you loud like that, I'm going to like it here."** She slid her hand across Alex's body to her back and pulled her until the blonde was lying on top of her. She looked up into Alex's eyes and said, **"I'm yours baby, in every way that counts. That said, I think I might die of frustration if I don't feel you inside me soon. I need you so much right now, please."**Kate pulled Alex down for a kiss filled with desire and need.

Alex kissed her back and slid her hand between Kate's legs, rubbing her slowly before pulling back, **"I have something...I'd like us to try it if you want to..."**

Kate shifted her hips to get more contact with Alex's hand as she looked up at her lover and arched her eyebrow, **"What did you have in mind?"**Kate knew there was very little Alex could suggest that she wouldn't agree to...except for anything that involved inflicting or receiving pain...but she knew Alex wouldn't ask that of her, not after knowing about Amber. Still, Kate was curious.

**"I packed something very special and I'd like to put it on...let's just say that it'll free my hands while I fuck you."** she said with an evil grin. "**Are you game?"**

Kate's eyes widened a bit as she realized what Alex meant. She'd never had a chance to use a strap-on before since most of her relationships with women were brief and not very adventurous. Kate felt a little twinge of fear though. She'd never been with a man, never had a partner use any kind of toy with her...she didn't even own any toys of her own.

Kate's heart sank when she realized just how vanilla-flavored she was...and she didn't like it. She wanted to be more than that. It was obvious that Alex had experience with toys and other...sexual stuff and Kate didn't want to disappoint her lover. She smiled, **"I think I might be...can I see it first?"**

**"Of course."**Alex slowly pulled away and got up from the bed. She walked over to her luggage, her ass bouncing nicely with her stride, and knelt down to unzip the suitcase. She took the harness out and stood, walking back to Kate. The dildo was already threaded through the O-ring and she handed it to the brunette to look at.

Kate held the toy in her hand and tried not to blush. It seemed huge and painful. She looked up at Alex, **"Um...really?"**

**"Baby, if you're uncomfortable, we don't have to use it. But I bought you the smallest size they had to make sure that it didn't hurt. We can work our way up to it. I just want you to enjoy yourself."**

Kate hurried to explain, **"No it's not about comfort, it's just..."**Kate couldn't stop her face from turning beet red.

Alex lifted her chin and caressed Kate's hot cheek, **"What, baby?"**

Kate took a breath, wondering how to explain without sounding like a child, or worse, like some inexperienced virgin. **"I..."**Kate rolled over and buried her face in the pillow, as she explained, her voice muffled.

Alex pulled the pillow away and looked at Kate, **"I couldn't hear you baby...it's ok, whatever you have to say, I'm not going to think you're weird or laugh at you, I promise."**

Kate kept her face turned away, unable to look at Alex as she repeated what she'd said into the pillow, **"I've never used one of those. I've never had sex with a guy and I've never been with anyone who wanted to use any kind of toy in bed...I'm just...I'm not experienced with that stuff. And I thought..."**Kate stopped there. She couldn't say what she was thinking because she knew that it would make Alex feel bad, but also she was a little scared that it was true, that Alex was getting tired of having "boring" sex. The last thing she needed was for her fears to be confirmed, so she shut her mouth and waited for Alex to laugh at her or something.

Alex caressed Kate's hair and said, **"What baby? Tell me."**Her blue eyes were focused on the brunette and she wanted to be supportive.

Kate exhaled. She'd come this far, she might as well go for the gold and tell her everything,** "I thought that our sex-life was pretty amazing, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe you're getting bored with the plain ol' boring sex that we have and you want more. I just need to know if that's it. Are you getting tired of having vanilla sex?"**Kate's eyes began to tear up and she didn't have the energy to fight it off...she was too busy praying she was wrong but preparing in case she was right.

Alex shook her head and stayed as close to Kate as possible to make her feel warm, loved, and more importantly, safe. **"Baby, I didn't suggest this because I'm bored, far from it. I love making love with you the way we have been and me suggesting that we try toys is nothing more than expanding our repertoire because I want to make love to you every way possible. Honestly, I just thought this would be a nice way to do it so that I could play with your breasts and scratch your back and kiss you all while you were being pleasured between your legs. But I'm not going to be mad or disappointed if we don't use it nor will it change how I feel about you if we never use toys, ever. Ok?"**

Kate felt Alex's warmth next to her and she turned to look at her girlfriend, **"You mean that? You're not bored with me?"**Kate needed to know.

**"Of course not, babe. Are you kidding? If I was bored, I wouldn't be breaking down the door at the end of the day to get you into bed would I?"**she said with a grin.

Kate felt herself grin despite her doubt, **"I guess not."** Then she sat up and looked at Alex, **"I'm sorry for being such an idiot."**

**"You're not an idiot, honey. I just enjoy having sex with you and we'll do it however you're comfortable, ok?"**she said, rubbing Kate's back.

**"Ok."** Kate smiled, **"Any chance we can try again?"**Kate leaned closer for a kiss.

**"Sure, baby, just let me put this away and we'll get right back where we were, ok?"**She got up from the bed to go put the harness away.

Kate sat on the bed and waited for Alex. She knew that one day soon she'd be ready to expand their experiences in the bedroom, but she needed some time to mentally prepare for that. Kate smiled up at Alex as she walked back towards the bed.

Alex sat down and touched Kate's shoulder, **"Lay down for me."**

Kate looked up at Alex and smiled as she said, **"As you wish baby."**Kate laid herself down on the bed having made the decision to surrender completely to Alex.

Alex straddled Kate's hips and put her hands on her shoulders, fanning her fingers as she started teasing Kate's skin. She started with Kate's breasts, tweaking her nipples and smiling when she saw the response. She leaned down and sucked one into her mouth, licking around it and then over it, soothing and teasing over and over. She switched to the other one, repeating her efforts. Her hair was draping over Kate's skin, ticking her with each movement Alex made.

Kate wanted to keep her eyes open, to enjoy watching Alex as she teased her, but the moment she felt Alex's hot mouth on her breast, Kate's eyes closed. Her senses went into overload and she arched her back, pressing her breast further into Alex's mouth. Kate brought one hand to Alex's head, weaving through the soft strands as the other hand gripped the bed sheets.

Alex released Kate's nipple from her mouth and licked down the brunette's tight abs. She kissed Kate's navel and continued lower and lower, her hands holding onto Kate's waist to keep herself steady. When she got low enough, she parted Kate's legs and settled between them. She kissed Kate's thighs and scratched lightly, the scent of Kate's arousal thick.

Kate felt like she was floating. Her hips began rocking on their own as her brain quickly shut down. **"Oh Alex, please, don't tease me...I need you now baby,"**Kate panted, her breathing shallow.

Alex grinned and parted Kate's folds, smiling when she saw how large Kate's clit had grown with her arousal. She kissed Kate's pussy and sucked her clit into her mouth, her tongue working magic while she slipped two fingers inside of Kate's center. She thrust in and out slowly to start, but picked up the pace when she felt Kate's hips bucking hard.

Kate's hand came off the sheets and joined the other one on Alex's head, her hips bucking up against her lover's very talented mouth and fingers. Before long Kate felt her orgasm crest and her entire body went taut as it crashed over her, **"Oh yes! Yes! Alex!" **

Alex slowed her fingers and lapped at Kate's wetness, grinning up at her lover from between her legs, **"Yum. I love doing that."** She placed a kiss on Kate's thigh and then stretched out beside Kate, her hand resting on the detective's stomach. **"How you feeling, baby?"**

Kate lazily turned to look at Alex, a goofy, satisfied grin on her face, **"Best Christmas ever...I love you Alex...Merry Christmas."**Kate shifted to snuggle closer to Alex.

**"Merry Christmas, Kate. Get some sleep, babe, I've got you."**She put her arms around Kate after pulling the blanket over them. She kissed her girlfriend and spooned her from behind, happy to be alone with the woman she loved.

Kate put her hands over Alex's and cuddled deeper into her arms as she closed her eyes, **"Good night baby. I love you."**

**"I love you too. Sweet dreams, Kate,"**and with that, they fell soundly asleep.

TBC...


	18. Ringing in the New Year

**Chapter 18: Ringing in the New Year**

The week that followed Christmas was spent in blissful peace. Kate and Alex spent their days talking long walks around the estate in the snow, bundled up, and holding each other. There had been a few snowball fights, which usually ended with the two of them lying in the snow, making out. They had made snow angels and played in the snow like children, then gone inside for hot chocolate in front of the fireplace. Their evenings were spent relaxing in front of the fireplace with a bottle of wine and some cheese and crackers or fruit before they retired to their bedroom to make love all night long. Kate was looking forward to New Years Eve because she had a plan for the night to make it memorable. The day before New Years Eve, Kate was in the living room, stoking the fire as she waited for Alex.

Alex was finishing up in the kitchen, putting the final touches on two cups of Irish coffee. She'd added generous amounts of Bailey's Irish cream and topped it all off with whipped cream and shaved chocolate. She carried the two mugs carefully, smiling when she found Kate perched in front of the big screen and said, **"I'm going to have to get one of these for the loft, aren't I?"**

Kate looked up from the couch and grinned. She'd finished building the fire and was currently watching a rerun of _House_ on USA. **"Only if you really want one baby,"**Kate said as she patted the couch.

Alex walked over and sat down. She handed Kate her coffee and set hers down on the end table, **"We wouldn't put it in the bedroom...that would be too distracting and I can't have you distracted from making love, you know."**

Kate took a sip of coffee, the Irish Cream helping spread the warmth throughout her body. Kate put down the mug and shifted closer to Alex, sweeping her hair aside to kiss her neck, **"Nothing could distract me from you when we're making love, baby. But you're right,"** Kate said and then moved to the other side of Alex's neck. **"A TV like that can't go in the bedroom...unless you want to use it as a monitor for the video camera Castle gave me for Christmas ...make our own home movies..."**Kate drifted off as she began kissing lower on Alex's neck.

**"I'd be afraid to see what I look like doing that...stuff,"**Alex said, a sour look on her face.

Kate pulled back and smiled at her, **"Oh baby you look absolutely stunning when you're coming."**Kate placed a soft kiss on Alex's lips.

**"To you, I'd probably hide under the bed for a month if I had to see that,"**she said, blushing.

Kate lightly ran her fingers over Alex's face, loving the rosy tint to her cheeks. **"Baby, you know you wouldn't be the only one on that video, but I can respect your decision to not make a sex tape."**Kate ran her other hand over Alex's thigh.

She cuddled close to Kate, **"I'll make you a deal. You can use the camera in the delivery room when our baby is born, ok?"**

Kate sighed, **"Ok, deal."**She held Alex close, loving it when they could be like this, just the two of them relaxing together on the couch.

**"Can you believe its almost a new year?"**Alex asked, sinking down onto the couch and placing her head in Kate's lap.

Kate thought back to where she was at this time last year. She was alone and missing Vicky...wondering if she'd ever see her again. She felt the tears spring to her eyes and she carefully lifted a hand to wipe them away. **"Yeah the time just flew by didn't it? Still, it's been a wonderful three months."**

**"The best, baby. I can wait to ring in the New Year with you. Kissing at midnight, letting that kiss evolve into something more...I can hardly wait,"**she said rubbing Kate's thigh.

Kate ran a hand through Alex's hair, **"Oh yeah, we'll definitely be ringing in the New Year naked. Count on it."**Kate managed to keep her tears out of her voice and she tried not to think about how she rang in the New Year last year...alone in her apartment after she'd lied to Lanie about having a date for the night, getting drunk on wine with the CD she'd burned playing in the background.

Alex smiled, turning to kiss Kate's leg, 

She sighed happily, **"I love you so much Kate."**

Kate's hand froze for a second before she continued stroking Alex's hair. **"Yeah, I know what you mean. Last year wasn't a picnic for me either. But this year is making up for it in a big way. I'm so glad we're together now." **

**"Me too. I was thinking that tomorrow we could order out, what do you think?"**

Kate smiled, **"I'd like that, what were you thinking of ordering? And who would deliver this far out?"**Kate was curious because the house was pretty removed from the city.

**"We can have anything you want, babe. There's a chef at a local hotel that I know. We can get anything and I'll have them deliver here. Sound good?"**

**"Yeah I like that. Do you think this chef can make something from the southwest? I was thinking maybe we could have something like what we had in Santa Fe...would that be ok?"**

**"That sounds wonderful baby. I'll put in a call and see what they can whip up for us,"** she said, closing her eyes. **"I think the coffee had the opposite effect on me than I was expecting,"**she chuckled.

Kate chuckled, **"Well that's what happens when you spike it with Bailey's baby. Tell you what: we're comfortable here, the fire's going strong, and the remote's within reach, so why don't you take a nap? I promise I'm not going anywhere."**Kate used her nails to lightly scratch Alex's scalp, helping to lure her into a nap.

Alex yawned, **"You don't...play fair."**She kept her eyes closed, enjoying Kate's attention until she drifted off to sleep.

Kate smiled as Alex's breathing deepened. She whispered, **"No, I don't...but I love you so it works out."**Kate lowered the volume on the TV and sat there, staring into the flames in the fireplace. Kate smiled as she remembered their time in Santa Fe.

* * *

><p>Alex stayed asleep until she felt Kate move and she opened her eyes. She looked around having forgotten where she was, but she quickly realized she was on the couch in the den. She glanced up at Kate and smiled a little, <strong>"What time is it?"<strong>

Kate smiled as she ran her hand down Alex's arm and over her hip, **"It's a little after 1:30, you've been napping for almost three hours. How do you feel?"**

**"Sleepy. Can we go upstairs to our room?"**she asked, her eyes cloudy and her voice heavy with fatigue.

**"Whatever you want baby. Come on let's go upstairs."**Kate turned off the TV and placed the safety screen on the fireplace before she reached for Alex's hand.

**"Ready?"**

Alex nodded, leaning a little on Kate as they went upstairs to their room.

Alex pulled back the covers for both of them and climbed in, waiting for Kate so that they could cuddle. She turned her back to Kate, indicating that she wanted to be spooned, and in a very quiet voice she said, **"I love you baby."**

Kate curled up behind Alex, holding her close as she closed her eyes and said, **"I love you too, forever."**Kate felt herself drift off to sleep.

* * *

><p>The next night, a deliveryman arrived at the house with a feast for two. Alex took care of setting the table and serving the food to give Kate a break from kitchen duty. She had wine chilled and ready to pour and the dessert was in the oven, staying warm for after dinner. She brought out two platters with enchiladas and tamales and there were also the fixings for fajitas already on the table. There was Spanish rice, beans, and posole on the table as well as freshly made tortillas ready for the fajitas. Alex smiled at how big Kate's eyes looked. <strong>"Dig in baby, I can tell you're hungry."<strong>

Kate smiled at Alex, **"This all looks wonderful, it reminds me of our time in Santa Fe..."** Kate paused for a moment, **"It reminds me of...Vicky."**She grinned playfully at Alex.

Alex grinned, **"Do you ever see...her when you're with me?"**She knew that sounded strange, after all they were the same person in theory, but Alex knew that there were things she did as Vicky that she didn't really do as Alex.

Kate thought about how to answer that, **"At first, I saw her all the time because I was still getting used to your real identity. I think there was a part of me that was trying to hold on to the past, to the woman I fell in love with, but after a while, she kinda faded away and all I saw was you...Alex Cabot, the woman I love."**Kate didn't know if she was explaining it right but she needed Alex to know.

The blonde nodded, understanding what Kate was trying to say. She wanted Kate to see her and love her as she was, as Alex. It made her happy to know that Vicky had faded away just like Emily and Jill had after she'd come back for the Connors trial. She picked up her wine and said, **"I have a toast. To our future as Alex and Kate."**

Kate smiled as she clinked her glass with Alex's, **"To us and to the future we're going to have together."**

They shared their meal together, talking about the possibility of a vacation in the spring out west somewhere. Alex got up when Kate was almost finished and said, **"I'm going to get the desert from the oven."**She brought in a traditional Spanish bread pudding and set it down on a trivet to portion out two bowls.

Kate inhaled the aroma of the pudding and smiled, **"It smells great."**

Alex nodded and then sat down to have her dessert. **"So, you've been pretty secretive about the plans for tonight. Any chance I might get a hint seeing as how it's only four hours away?"**

Kate grinned. **"You want a hint? Ok..."** Kate thought for a moment then said, **"You, me, and the fireplace."**

Alex looked at her over her black-rimmed glasses, **"Well, that could involve a lot of things...unless you're being obvious, which I'm not sure whether or not you are."**

Kate just smiled enigmatically and said nothing as she continued to eat her desert.

**"You're so not fair!"** Alex pouted. **"I'd tell you..."**

Kate just laughed, **"No you wouldn't...you'd never ruin a surprise you planned for me."**

**"But Yes I would,"**she reasoned and to be honest, she was ashamed that as a lawyer, she couldn't come up with anything better.

Kate smiled, **"No you wouldn't because you know the surprise would be worth the pouting...trust me."**

Alex rolled her eyes and said, **"If it's what I think, I'm going to play hard ball..."**

Kate grinned, **"Oh yeah? Let's see how long that lasts."**She chuckled.

**"Are you getting cocky, detective?"**Alex asked with a raised eyebrow.

**"It's not about being cocky...I know you." **

**"Oh really? Then maybe you should put your money where your mouth is, detective."**Alex said, finishing up her dessert.

Kate arched her eyebrow, **"What did you have in mind?"**

**"Let's see...if I can resist you until midnight, then you have to...be my personal slave for a week."**

**"And if, or should I say when, you give in to me before midnight, what do I get?"**Kate smiled, liking this game. She didn't want a personal slave though.

**"What do you want?"**Alex asked, curious to know what Kate was after.

Kate thought about that for a bit. **"Hmmm...if I win...you have to cook a whole meal, on your own, and serve it...naked."**

Alex grinned, **"You're on."**She was fairly confident that she'd be able to withstand Kate somehow. Her pride and competitive spirit would find a way to see her through.

Kate narrowed her eyes and just smiled because she knew she would win. Alex could never resist her.

Alex stood up and started clearing up the dishes, a smug grin on her face. She carried them to the kitchen and then returned to pack up the rest of the food.

Kate went into the living room to prepare for midnight and smiled as she began spreading out the white candles to light them. She added more wood to the fire and made sure it was going strong before she crossed to the couch. She knelt down next to it and took out the blankets and pillows shed put into the storage side table. She spread the blankets out in front of the fire making sure they were a safe distance, but also close enough so that they could enjoy the warmth from the fire, then she put the pillows around the edge of the blankets. Kate had the idea for the perfect way to welcome in the New Year: she wanted to be in Alex's arms, naked, and very satisfied when the clock struck midnight. Kate's grandmother had taught her that the way you welcome the New Year is a reflection of how the rest of the year will go.

Kate quickly ran into the nearby bathroom and quickly got naked. She slipped on her black silk robe, which she had stashed in the bathroom earlier that night, and went back to the living room. She was standing there in the middle of the candlelit, fireplace-warmed living room as she waited for Alex to finish in the kitchen.

Once Alex was done putting everything away, she grabbed a bottle of champagne for midnight and placed it into a silver bucket filled with ice. She tucked that into one arm and very carefully grabbed two champagne flutes with her free hand. She carried it out to the living room where Kate was waiting and she intended to return for a platter of chocolate covered strawberries, but when she saw Kate standing there in her robe with the firelight flickering over her, she gulped. It was going to be a long night.

Kate smiled at the look on Alex's face. This was going to be easier than she thought. **"Hey baby." **

**"H-hey, you look...comfortable. Have your pajamas on under there?"**she asked, taking an assessment of the situation.

Kate rested her hands on the knot of the sash, **"Nope."** She smiled seductively, **"Disappointed?"**

**"No,"** she said nonchalantly. **"But you'd better stay close to the fire, you don't want to get cold."** She set the champagne bucket and glasses down and returned to the kitchen as though she was unaffected. When she got to the kitchen, however, she had to open the fridge and take a minute to cool off. **"Focus, Alex, just focus, you can do this,"**She grabbed the tray of strawberries and went back to the living room.

Kate was a little let down at Alex's reaction but she wasn't deterred because she knew that Alex wouldn't be able to resist her for so long. She smiled when she saw Alex return with the strawberries, after all, there was so much potential for strawberries and champagne when it came to seduction.

Alex plopped down onto the couch and held the tray in her lap. She reached for the remote and turned on the TV to look for something to watch. She picked up a strawberry as she flipped through the channels and stopped when she found a documentary on sea turtles. She looked over at Kate and asked, **"Do you want to sit down? You're going to get tired of standing over there."**

Kate frowned then stepped closer to Alex. She stood right in front of her and leaned down until their faces were only inches apart. She looked deep into Alex's eyes and closed the distance, giving her a brief, but firm kiss. Kate pulled away, reached for a strawberry, and without taking her eyes away from the blonde's, she slowly wrapped her lips around the plump, ripe berry from the back of it. The tip poked out between her lips and Kate leaned closer, offering it to her lover.

Alex watched her and on the inside, she couldn't get over how hot that was, but on the outside, she maintained her demeanor. **"Um, honey, you're blocking the TV...and you're eating that the wrong way."**

Kate grinned around the berry and then reached for the remote. She turned the TV off and once again offered it to Alex, but this time she moved closer, her eyebrow arched in challenge. After all, it was just one little strawberry.

**"Hey! I wanted to see what happened to the little baby turtles!"** Alex said in a whine. **"Turn it back on, hurry!"**

Kate, determined to not give in, stood up slowly and untied the sash on her robe and let it hang half open. She took a step back and watched Alex's reaction, smiling when she saw the blonde's pupils dilating. She then stepped closer and with her tongue, turned the strawberry around in a full circle, then tried one more time to tempt Alex with it.

Alex bit her lip and turned her nose up in the air, **"No, that's gross, it's all covered in saliva..."**

Kate slowly removed the berry from her mouth and grinned, **"My saliva never bothered you before, baby...do you really want to win so badly that you would deny us the chance to ring in the New Year making love?"**

Alex sighed, **"No...look, I'll tell you what, why don't we call off the bet and just enjoy each other's company. I don't want to keep this up..."**

Kate smiled as she leaned closer and lightly brushed her lips across Alex's. She whispered, her breath ghosting over Alex's cheek, **"Then don't fight it."**

**"I told you what the terms are, baby. Is the bet off?"**Alex asked looking at Kate.

Kate smiled. She didn't want to call off the bet because in her mind that meant giving up and she didn't like giving up. She took a few steps back, placed the remote on the coffee table then slipped the robe off. She was naked as the day she was born and she lay down on the blankets, her head cushioned on the pillows as she stretched out.

She looked over at Alex and winked, **"Do you really want to turn this down? Me, here, ready, willing, and totally at your mercy? Or would you rather watch baby turtles?"**Kate licked her lips.

**"Since you won't call off the bet? Baby turtles it is,"**she said, picking up the remote. She wanted to punch herself, but her pride just wouldn't let her give in.

Kate sighed, **"Oh well...since you won't join me I guess I'll have to...entertain myself until midnight."**Kate smiled as she ran one hand down her body to her thigh as the other went to her breast and gently squeezed the nipple. She closed her eyes and gave a tiny little moan as she imagined it was Alex's hands on her body.

Alex bit her lip, a pained look on her face. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly trying to convince herself that she was fine and she could get through this.

Kate spread her legs, offering Alex a perfect view of her wet pussy. She slipped her hand down and ran her fingers through the wetness, moaning at the sensation. Her other hand moved up over her head as she arched her back. Kate opened her eyes as she brought the hand that had been between her legs up to her lips and she licked her fingers clean, never taking her eyes off of Alex's darkening blue ones.

**"You are so mean!"**Alex said, her ego obviously bruised.

Kate smiled, **"It's only mean if you stay so far away baby...come closer and I'll give you a very special treat."** Kate reached her hand under the pillow and pulled out the strap-on from a few nights ago, smiling seductively, **"We can use this...if you give in before midnight..."**

Alex was on the verge of tears. Kate really didn't play fair and it bothered her that she was going to have to give in and lose the bet because she really hated losing. On the other hand, how could using a strap-on with Kate really be called losing? _It couldn't,_ she concluded and she sighed heavily, turning off the TV. **"Fine, you win. I'll cook for you and serve the food naked."**

Kate smiled triumphantly as she lifted her hand and beckoned Alex closer with just one finger, **"Come closer baby...I'll make losing the bet worth it."**

**"You'd better. My pride may take some time to recover..."** she said as she got up from the couch. She walked over and looked down at Kate, **"For the record, I did want to see what happened to the turtles..."**

Kate smiled, **"That special was a rerun, I've seen it...the turtles end up fine. Now, come down here."**Kate opened her arms to Alex.

Alex knelt down and slipped her hand between Kate's legs before the brunette could say anything. She rubbed her slowly and looked into Kate's eyes, **"You want me to put that on?"**

**"Yes I do, but first I want you to kiss me, slow and deep and long, a real kiss. Think you can manage that?"**Kate teased.

Alex nodded, **"Yeah, I think I can."**She leaned down and brushed her lips against Kate's before pressing more firmly, her mouth opening to slide her tongue into the brunette's waiting mouth. She could taste the chocolate and strawberries on Kate's lips and moaned, the thought of losing suddenly gone from her mind.

Kate swallowed the moan and answered with one of her own. She brought her hands up around Alex's back and pulled her closer. The blonde's hand that was still between Kate's legs suddenly picked up pace and she added a little pressure to Kate's very firm clit. She didn't want to bring her to climax just yet, but she wanted to really warm her up so that when they did get down to business, she'd be so turned on that she couldn't hold back.

Kate was so turned on she couldn't think. She pulled away from the kiss and panted out, **"Oh god...baby that...feels so good..."**Kate's hips began rocking closer to Alex's hand, needing firmer contact.

Alex let her rock for a few moments, but then she pulled her hand away, **"I'm a little too dressed for this and I don't want you to come until we've had a chance to use this..."**

Kate groaned at the loss of contact but she grinned when she saw Alex reach for the strap-on. Kate sat up and began removing Alex's clothes.

Once Alex was naked, she stood up and stepped into the harness, sliding it up her firm, creamy legs until it was perfectly in place. She reached for the bottle of lube that Kate had also brought downstairs with her and put a generous amount on the dildo so that it would be less painful for Kate.

She stretched out on the blanket and said, **"I want you to be on top so that you have total control, ok? And if it hurts too much, we can do it the old fashioned way."**She smiled kindly at Kate, only wanting the best for her lover.

Kate smiled and then stood up, moving to stand over Alex. She slowly lowered herself until she was on her hands and knees above her blonde lover.** "Baby, I've um...never done this so, if I do it wrong, let me know?"** Kate suddenly felt nervous but she was determined to try this. She lifted her hips and shifted to hover over the lubed-up dildo, then she looked at Alex, **"Mind if I ask for a little help, you know, guiding it in?"**Kate felt herself blush but she maintained eye contact.

**"Of course not, baby. Just take a deep breath and stay relaxed. When I tell you, lower yourself down."** She took the dildo in her right hand and with the left she held Kate's hip, bringing her just low enough to feel her opening against the tip of the dildo. Alex held the dildo in place and said, **"Ok babe, whenever you're ready..."**

Kate placed her hands flat on the blankets under Alex and gently, slowly lowered herself down onto the shaft. She felt it stretching the walls of her vagina and she paused a moment to adjust to the change. Kate closed her eyes and then finished lowering herself until her skin made contact with Alex's. She didn't move for a bit, getting used to the new sensation. Finally, she opened her eyes and looked at Alex.

Alex studied her girlfriend very carefully and asked, **"How do you feel?"**She had her hands on Kate's hips, caressing her gently.

Kate smiled, **"It's different but...I could grow to like it."**Kate lifted her hips about halfway up then came back down again, slowly, as she adjusted to both the motion and the sensation.

**"Take your time, baby, I'm right here with you,"**Alex said loving the way Kate looked and felt like this. She had daydreamed about it, but to actually be doing it was something else entirely. Her hands tickled Kate's waist and then drifted up to cup her full breasts.

Kate began a slow but comfortable up and down motion, loving the feeling of the dildo inside her and the sight of Alex below her. Kate moaned when she felt Alex's hands on her breasts and she picked up the rhythm the more comfortable she became. Kate liked the look on Alex's face when her increased speed made her breasts bounce in her hands.

Alex's lips were parted, her chest heaving from the sheer overwhelming pleasure of watching Kate bounce up and down on the dildo. She released Kate's breasts, allowing them to bounce freely so that she could put her hands on Kate's ass. She squeezed her firm cheeks and grinned as she watched her girlfriend taking and losing control at the same time. It was so sexy and the pressure from the dildo on her clit was bringing her close to climax. **"Babe, I want to come with you...tell me when you're coming."**

Kate lowered her body to lick her way up Alex's chest, her hips rocking and the dildo hitting the sweet spot with the change in position. Kate felt her orgasm speeding up and she lifted her head, **"Oh baby, I'm so close."**Kate lowered one hand to Alex's hip and tried to encourage Alex to rock her hips with her.

Alex started bucking up into Kate and the added pressure combined with Kate's admission pushed Alex right to the brink. She looked up at her girlfriend and said, **"Come for me, baby. I'm right there with you."**She was moaning and panting, waiting for that exact moment when Kate climaxed so that she could come with her.

Alex's movement was the extra bit Kate needed and her orgasm reached its peak, **"Oh yes, I'm coming baby, come with me...oh...yes...yes...Alex!"**Kate's orgasm crashed over her and she rode it out, rocking her hips with the strap-on buried deep inside of her.

Alex came with Kate, her moans matching in frequency and intensity to Kate's. She kept her mind clear enough to say, **"I love you Kate!"** just at the moment of impact. She helped Kate ride out her orgasm and put her hands on her hips, her breathing returning to normal. She glanced up at the clock on the mantle and smiled, **"Happy New Year, Kate. We came together just as the New Year started..."**

Kate braced herself by placing her hands on the floor and she smiled down at Alex, **"That was my master plan for the night. Start the new year with a mind-blowing orgasm with the woman I love."** Kate began to lean down for a kiss but she shifted wrong and was reminded of the dildo still buried inside her. She frowned, **"One moment babe."**Kate lifted her hips and slid off of the shaft, sighing in relief. It was going to take some getting used to, but right then Kate just wanted to be close to Alex.

She got up on her knees and after a minute of studying the straps, she unhooked the harness and removed it from Alex's body. She placed it off to the side and then smiled again at Alex, **"Now, where were we?"**Kate leaned down again to kiss Alex.

Alex wrapped her arms around Kate as they lay on their sides and kissed her back. The warmth of the fire made it easy for them to stay naked there in the living room and the plush blanket was so comfortable that Alex decided that they should sleep downstairs for the night rather than having to get up and move. She pulled back from Kate and smiled, **"So, you won..."**

Kate grinned, **"I'd say we both came out winners."**She ran her hand over Alex's hip, tracing light, random patterns on the soft, warm skin.

**"Does that mean I don't have to serve you naked?"**

Kate lightly pinched Alex's ass, **"I didn't say that."**

Alex groaned, **"So not fair. Ok, well, so long as you don't want me to cook bacon or any other fried food while naked, I think we're good."**

Kate smiled, **"I would never put your beautiful, soft, smooth, sinfully delicious skin at risk by making you fry anything naked...that would just be cruel."**Kate leaned closer and kissed Alex's naked shoulder.

**"I'm glad to hear that. I was dreading it if you wanted eggs with bacon or fried chicken,"**Alex said chuckling and moaning all at the same time.

Kate giggled, leaning forward to trail her lips up from Alex's shoulder to her neck, **"I would never be that mean. But I was thinking of maybe...changing the terms so that you don't have to risk this gorgeous skin near a hot stove."**

Alex raised an eyebrow, **"Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?"**

Kate grinned, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she leaned closer and licked the outer shell of Alex's ear. She whispered lightly,** "Stick with me baby and I'll make you a star..."** Kate's hand settled on Alex's butt cheek and squeezed gently. **"Just one, um, home movie...please?"**Kate mentally crossed her fingers, hoping Alex would agree but prepared for her to fight it.

**"Are you kidding?"** Alex asked, pulling back. She was clearly shocked by the suggestion and scrambled to sit up, covering her breasts, **"No way!"**

Kate frowned at the loss of contact between her and Alex and she realized she'd made a big mistake. She quickly back tracked, **"Ok baby. It was worth a shot. I'm sorry if I offended you."**

Alex took a breath and calmed down, moving back close to Kate, **"I'm sorry, it's just...I don't want to see myself like that. It's...weird."**

Kate looked away, biting her lip. **"What if I never made you watch it? If it was just for me...just for my own enjoyment?"**

Alex looked down, **"What if someone got their hands on it? I mean, you know how these things go. You think no one is ever going to see it and next thing you know, 10 people are gathered around the TV watching you doing...that."**

Kate grinned, **"You know I would never let that happen. But I can take a hint and accept it's never going to happen."**Kate turned her head away for a moment to hide the pout that showed up against her will. She didn't want Alex to think she was trying to manipulate her into changing her mind.

**"How about a compromise?"** Alex offered. **"We could tape us one time and you can keep it for six months and watch it as much as you want, but after that, it gets erased..."**

Kate thought about that for a moment, **"I suppose that would be ok, it's better than nothing I guess."**Kate turned back to Alex and kissed her.

Alex kissed her and lightly scratched her back. **"You're very persuasive, Kate. I've never done anything like that because I've never trusted anyone enough."**

Kate looked into Alex's eyes, **"Oh baby, you can trust me. I would never let anyone see it, you know I get jealous when people just look at you walking down the street, no way would I ever let anyone see you like that. I would lock the tape up in a wall safe here at this house. It would never leave this place. But I understand the concern you have, so I won't push this. We can forget the bet altogether ok?"**Kate would never want Alex to feel pressured into anything.

**"No, it's ok, baby. We can try it. I'm just saying that I trust you and I want you to know that. I know that you'll always take care of me and protect me."** She cuddled closer and leaned her head on Kate's shoulder.** "I love you so much, Kate. You're all I need."**

Kate held Alex close as she kissed her on the head. **"I love you too baby. For the record, I would protect you with my life. I'll never let anything bad happen to you, not if I can help it."** Kate paused a moment, running her hand up and down Alex's arm, **"Alex?"**

**"Yeah?"**she asked, her body relaxed and almost ready to surrender to sleep.

Kate felt Alex relax and she smiled, **"Would it be ok if we slept down here? The fire will keep us warm and the blankets are comfortable, would you mind?"**Kate loved their bed but her body was happily languid and she didn't want to move. She would if Alex really wanted to go up to their bedroom, but she secretly hoped she wouldn't.

**"Not at all. I don't feel like moving one inch,"** she said with a grin and pressed a soft kiss to Kate's shoulder. **"Good night, baby, I love you."**

**"I love you too beautiful. Good night."**Kate whispered in Russian and then closed her eyes and snuggled closer to Alex. Soon, she fell asleep, happy and safe in the arms of the woman she loved, the woman she was going to spend her life with, build a family with, the woman she knew she wanted to make her wife.

TBC...


	19. Shopping Trip

**Chapter 19: Shopping Trip**

After their New Year's celebration, Kate and Alex spent a few more days in Amherst before they drove back to the city. The ride was silent as they thought about how wonderful their vacation had been. Neither one wanted to leave their little slice of heaven but the real world wasnt going to be ignored any longer. They had decided to stay at Kates for the night so Kate pulled into her parking spot in her building's garage and cut the engine. She turned to look at Alex, who had fallen asleep on the ride, and she gently leaned closer to place a light kiss on the blonde's lips.

Alex opened her eyes and realized that the car wasn't moving anymore. She looked over at Kate and asked, **"We're home already?"**

Kate smiled, **"Ah, Sleeping Beauty awakens...yeah baby, we're home. You ready to go upstairs to bed?"**

Alex nodded, yawning. She unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door sluggishly, the cold hitting her once she stepped out of the car. She wanted to go upstairs, change into her pajamas, and hop into bed with Kate. She reached out for Kate's hand and followed her to the elevator.

Kate led Alex upstairs and after locking the door, she led Alex to the bedroom and helped her into her PJs, the blonde almost asleep on her feet. Kate tucked Alex into bed then went about getting ready herself. She slipped into a red satin nightgown and slid into bed next to Alex. She shifted closer and spooned her girlfriend, holding her close as she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Alex woke up to find Kate already dressed and making breakfast. She felt like a total bum, but unlike her girlfriend, she didn't have to go into the office until 9:30. She slipped on her robe and walked into the kitchen with sleep-matted hair and a drowsy expression on her face, <strong>"Good morning baby, what are you making there?"<strong>

Kate smiled at Alex and she loved how sexy her girlfriend looked first thing in the morning. **"Something simple: bacon, eggs, and toast,"** Kate grinned as she turned back to the stove. **"How'd you sleep baby?"**

**"Amazingly. I was out like a light,"** she said, walking over to the nook to sit down. **"I've been so tired lately, I'm not sure what that is...I hope I'm not coming down with something."**

Kate smirked, **"I don't think you're getting sick...I think your exhaustion could be the result of all the mind-blowing sex we've been having lately."**Kate turned her head and winked at Alex.

Alex laughed, **"It could be that, too. We were quite active up at the house."** She got up to get a cup of coffee and said, **"We'd better make the most of it now. Once we have kids, it'll be much harder."**

Kate frowned, **"Hopefully not too much harder. I'm getting used to making love almost every night."** Kate served their breakfast and placed the plates on the table. She brought coffee and sat down, **"Dig in, baby."**

Alex returned to the nook and smiled, **"It looks amazing."** She picked up her fork and had some eggs, swallowing before she continued, **"Well, we have about two years before our little one really starts to understand what we're doing. However, the crying, late night feedings, and stretch marks might change things... though I hope not, I'm getting used to it too."**

Kate reached out and grabbed Alex's free hand, **"Baby, the stretch marks, the late night feedings, even the crying won't change how much Ill always want you. As for our child knowing what we're doing...we'll work around that, but I am not going to stop wanting you or having you, understood?"**

Alex grinned and squeezed Kate's hand, **"Thank you baby. It just scares me sometimes when I think about it. That you'll see me at my worst and you won't feel attracted to me. I know that's not going to happen, it's just an irrational fear."**

Kate cocked an eyebrow, **"Do you think there's anything on this planet that could make me stop wanting you? There's nothing, especially not the sight of you pregnant with our child, that would ever make me stop being attracted to you, or wanting you, or loving you. Sorry, but you're stuck with me now."**Kate grinned.

Alex blushed and then took a sip of coffee. **"I'm glad to know it baby. And the same goes for me, you know. I will never stop wanting you...well, maybe for like two seconds during labor, but otherwise, nothing else,"**she chuckled.

Kate chuckled then thought of something, **"So, you said the other day that you would let me video tape the delivery right? I'm trying to understand why you'd let me tape that but not us together?"**It made no sense to Kate because she'd seen those TV documentaries where they taped women giving birth and, to her at least, it seemed like Alex looked hotter during sex than any of those women did during childbirth.

**"Because that's different. It's a memory of our child being born and we'll always want to remember that. Besides, I'm probably going to be so out of it I won't remember everything and this way I can see it from your point of view. The other is just...embarrassing."**

Kate thought about that for a bit and then said, **"Ok, well I've heard that after artificial insemination, it...helps the baby-making process to have an orgasm...maybe the one time you let me tape us could be that time? That way if you get pregnant, we can have a record of both the conception and the birth... What do you think?"**Kate smiled, turning on the puppy dog eyes.

Alex thought about it for a moment and said, **"Ok, you have a deal, but I get unlimited tummy rubs the entire nine months."**

Kate smiled, **"Deal."**She decided not to tell Alex that the tummy rubs, back rubs, foot rubs, and the pampering would've been unlimited anyway. Kate was looking forward to spoiling Alex when she was pregnant. She wanted to wait on her lover hand and foot for the entire pregnancy.

Alex finished up her breakfast and drank the rest of her coffee. She got up to get a banana and asked Kate, **"What time will you be home tonight? Do you want one by the way?"**

Kate smiled, **"No thanks. If there's nothing pressing, I should be home around six. Are we spending the night here or at your place tonight?"**

**"It doesn't matter. I have plenty of clothes here and you have clothes there, so you can pick. I'll be working late, maybe until 8:30 or so..."**

Kate thought about that for a moment, **"Ok, how about I wait for you at your place?"**They had exchanged keys a few days after Kate came home to find Alex waiting in her hall.

**"That sounds perfect, honey." **

Kate smiled, **"Normally I'd offer to have dinner cooked and waiting but something tells me Castle is going to be very annoying today so I won't be in a mood to cook."**Kate said, dreading her upcoming day.

**"It's no trouble, babe. I always feel bad when you cook breakfast and dinner...this time it's on me and I'll pick up anything you want,"**she said as she walked over to Kate to kiss her.

Kate wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and kissed her. When she pulled back she said, **"I love cooking for us, for you, because I know you enjoy it. Plus it's my way of spoiling you. But anything you want to pick up will be fine with me."** Kate checked her watch, **"Oh boy I need to get going. I'll see you tonight, ok, babe?" **

**"All right, be safe out there, ok?"** She kissed her deeply and then looked into her eyes, **"I love you so much, Kate. I can't wait to see you tonight."**

Kate smiled, **"I love you too baby, I promise I'll be safe."** Kate smirked, **"After all, I have you to come home to, what better reason to make it back in one piece?"**

Alex chuckled, but she hated the feeling of Kate being out there with psychos on the loose. She kissed her one last time and then scooted her out the door so she wouldn't be late. Once Kate was gone, she went to the bathroom to start getting ready for the day.

Kate headed to the subway, not willing to risk her beautiful, expensive, new car on the streets of Manhattan. She caught the train and waited as it sped through the underground tunnel. Kate started thinking about the conversation she'd just had with Alex and she was starting to hate the whole "your place or mine" part of their relationship. Kate wanted something more permanent.

* * *

><p>Kate got off the train and walked up the stairs into the crisp January air. The more she thought about it the more Kate knew that she wanted something more than just living with Alex, she knew she wanted to marry to her. She walked to the precinct, the thought of asking Alex to marry her taking root in her brain.<p>

Kate entered the precinct and walked to her desk then she looked around and smiled when she noticed Castle wasn't around. She sat at her desk and booted up her computer before grabbing the files in her inbox to begin going through the paperwork that had built up during the holidays.

Castle snuck up behind Kate about 15 minutes later and asked, **"So, what's on the agenda for today?"**He grinned charismatically and then wagged his eyebrows as he sat down in the chair in front of Kate's desk.

Kate managed to hide her little jump at Castle's intrusion on her focus. She turned and glared at the man, **"Paperwork, us actual cops have to do paperwork."**

**"Bummer, no murders to investigate? Nothing?"**he asked, clearly disappointed.

Kate's voice took on a bored tone, **"Nope. Sorry Castle, no one has died yet." **

**"Rats! So, how are things with you and the little woman? Did you have fun on vacation?"**He obviously wanted all the dirty details about their trip to Amherst.

Kate smiled as she thought about her time with Alex, **"It was fun."** Kate's smile vanished as she remembered what happened at Castle's party. **"By the way, Castle, why did you lie to your friends about me and who I'm dating?"**

He looked like a deer caught in the headlights, **"Well, II didn't know whether you wanted those guys to know you're gay and besides, do you really want everyone clamoring for me to turn Nikki Heat into a lesbian?"**

Kate narrowed her eyes, **"Castle, I-"** Then she broke off, realizing he had a point. **"I get why you did it, but I was ready to tell them the truth. I'm not going to shout it from the rooftops but I don't want to lie either. As for Nikki Heat, you're right, I don't want you turning her into a lesbian, but..."** Kate sighed, **"Let's just say you're lucky I'm the one asking you about this, because Alex...she wasn't happy about it."**

He winced, **"What did she say?"**

Kate sighed, **"She didn't like that you took away my choice and she wanted to have a talk with you about thinking before you speak." **

He looked like a little boy in time out. He hated hurting Kate or Alex, especially because he knew how hard their situation could be and he couldn't imagine having to hide things like that. **"I'm really sorry. I was wrong to lie like that and not give you a chance to decide what you wanted to tell them. Forgive me?"**

Kate smiled, **"I know you Castle, I kind of figured you had a good reason, so I forgive you, but I'm not the one you really have to convince...it's Alex."**

**"Well, is she going to be in her office today? I can stop by later and apologize to her. I just really don't want her to be mad at me."**

Kate thought about that, **"Yeah she should be in her office today, but tread lightly Castle. She was ready to read you the riot act on Christmas, but luckily I was able to calm her down and distract her. Who knows how she'll react when she sees you again and remembers what happened?"**Kate knew Castle was a little scared of Alex and although she didn't really know why, she understood that he rarely liked to cross her. She turned back to her paperwork.

**"Yeah, maybe I should get some flowers or chocolates or...something. Soften her up a bit. Maybe some jewelry? She likes diamonds, right?"**he asked, though it wasn't clear whether he was joking or dead serious.

Kate smiled, **"Flowers should be fine...and sincerity, that's key."**

**"Done,"**he said waiving his hands in the air.

Suddenly Ryan and Esposito popped their head in and said, **"Hey, Castle, come check out this YouTube video. You'll pee your pants laughing!"**Castle was about to dash out of his chair, but he stopped too look at Kate as though asking permission.

Kate rolled her eyes, **"Go ahead Castle. I'm just doing paperwork."**

He was giddily running of to be with the guys when he stopped in his tracks, **"Um, Alexis is supposed to stop by in a while, can you come get me when she gets here? I'm supposed to take her out to lunch."**

Kate lifted her hand not taking her eyes off her work, **"Sure thing, Castle."** She waited until he was gone and then took out her cell phone and sent a quick text message to Alex, **_[Castle's going to see u to say sorry...have fun torturing him.] _**Kate smiled as she hit the send button.

Alex was in her office getting settled in when she heard her phone beep. She pulled it out and grinned when she read the message and replied, **_[Don't worry, I will. Love you.] _**

She sent the text and then sat down at her desk to start her paperwork.

Kate's cell buzzed in reply and she smiled when she read the message. Before she could reply though, she heard a familiar voice, **"That must be some text, Detective Beckett." **

Kate looked up and saw Alexis Castle standing by her desk, smirking. Kate smiled, **"It was and it's Kate, remember?"**

Alexis beamed, **"Right, Kate. Was that Alex?"**

**"Yes, it was."** Kate just smiled for a moment then she realized that now was as good a time as any to ask Alexis for a favor, before Castle joined them, **"Um, Alexis can I ask you for a favor?"**

Alexis sat down and nodded, **"Sure, what's up?"**

Kate looked around to make sure they were alone then asked, **"I, um...I wanted to get something for Alex, but this particular something is something I've never gone shopping for and I was wondering if, maybe, you would be willing to help me out? Just, you know, for a second opinion to make sure she'll like it?"**

Alexis' lips curled into a grin, **"It sounds like quite an adventure. Count me in!"**

Kate sighed, **"Thanks. Um, would you be able to come back here after lunch with your dad? It's been a quiet day so I was thinking we could leave here early and get a start on it today, if you're free of course."**Kate was a little nervous now that she was actually making a definite plan.

**"I could ask him if it'd be ok if I went to lunch with you instead. He was only taking me because Gran flaked out at the last minute. I'm sure he'd be ok with it, that way we can have more time to look." **

Kate thought about that,** "Um, I don't want to intrude on his time with you."**She knew Castle loved his daughter and the time they shared.

**"No, it's totally fine. I was actually going to take him to do girl stuff and I kind of think that would be more fun with you since you're, you know, female?"**she said with that sparkling smile she was famous for.

Kate gave in, **"Ok, well he's in the break room with the guys. Go ask him."**Kate pointed to the break room.

Alexis got up, **"Be right back."** She ran in the direction of the break room and returned about five minutes later,** "Ok, all set! He said to thank you for getting him out of purse shopping for the afternoon and he intends to get you flowers too,"**she said, a bit of confusion clear in her voice.

Kate chuckled, **"Yeah, I'll explain while we're shopping. Come on. Let's get out of here before it's too late."**Kate got up and hurried to the elevator with Alexis close behind.

They took a cab down to Fifth Avenue where several jewelry stores were and Alexis looked around, **"So, where are we going?"**

Kate took a deep breath, **"Tiffany's...to start. If I can't find something there, then we'll got to Cartier, ok?"**

Alexis lit up, **"You're getting Alex some jewelry? That's so cool. I haven't been to Tiffany's in so long, I can't wait to see what they have in their new collection."**

Kate blushed as they walked down the street towards the famous jewelry store, **"Yeah...something like that."**

* * *

><p>Alexis followed Kate into Tiffany's and looked around at all the cases. It was always brilliant in there, the light shining off the gleaming silver, gold, and platinum pieces, the diamonds sparkling behind the protective glass. The signature teal color was everywhere and sales people were flitting about helping the customers.<p>

Kate tried to be casual but she was nervous on the inside. She walked slowly towards the area where the engagement rings were located and began looking through the selection, but nothing was special enough. It was all diamond solitaires and Kate wanted something more special than that. A woman came up to the case where Kate and Alexis were standing and asked, **"May I help you find something today?"**

Kate cleared her throat, **"Um, yes, I'm looking for an engagement ring but not a solitaire. I was thinking something more special than that...maybe something with heart shaped stones?" **

**"Of course. We can help you customize a ring. We have a selection of diamonds and precious stones and we can place them in a variety of settings. Here, let me show you our catalog so you can get a better idea of the range."** She took a binder out from under the case and opened it for Kate. **"Hearts will be in this area,"**she said, turning to the tabbed section for hearts.

Kate smiled, took the book in her hands, and looked at the section with the hearts. She began looking through the pages.

Alexis had been quiet, mostly because she was surprised that Kate was looking at engagement rings, but she spoke up once the saleslady stepped away to give them some privacy. **"Kate? Engagement rings? Does this mean you're going to ask Alex to marry you?" **

Kate looked at Alexis, **"Um...yeah I am. Can we keep this between us?"**

Alexis smiled, **"This is so cool! Congratulations! I know she'll say yes. And I promise your secret's safe with me."** Alexis bounced up and down for a moment, **"This is so exciting! Let's pick out a custom ring."**Alexis turned to the binder. Kate smiled as she went back to looking at the stones.

The woman returned several minutes later, **"Did you find anything you like?"**

Kate looked up, **"Um...actually can I have a few more minutes?"**

**"Of course, dear, take your time."**She returned to other customers and left Kate and Alexis to peruse.

**"So, when are you thinking of doing it?"**Alexis asked while she browsed the pages with Kate.

Kate bit her lip, **"I know it's going to sound cliched and cheesy but I was thinking about Valentine's Day."**

**"That's perfect! I mean, I know a lot of people do that, but come on, it's such a romantic holiday and she'll never forget when you popped the question. Are you going to do it someplace special?"**

Kate blushed again, **"I, um, haven't gotten that far yet. But I'm open to suggestions."** Kate sighed, **"I think half the battle for me is going to be picking the perfect ring. After that, I'll be able to think of something."**

**"Well, I think something with two hearts...one for each of you,"**she said as she looked at the different colors of diamonds in the book.

Kate nodded, **"Yeah I was thinking of something like that. I don't want them to be the same stone though, I want them to be different because, well...we're different you know? Maybe ruby and, since it's tradition, a diamond."**

Alexis smiled, **"I like that, I think it would look really beautiful. Especially how different, yet complementary they are."**

Kate smiled, thankful that Alexis understood without her having to explain it further. She turned the page and found the stones she wanted and said, **"These, right here. These are the ones. What do you think?"**Kate tilted the book so Alexis could see the 1/2-carat heart-shaped stones, one diamond and one ruby.

**"They're really beautiful, Kate. I think Alex will love them. Now you just need to pick out a setting and then you can order it."**

Kate nodded, **"Yeah."** She looked at the tabs on the binder to find the section for the settings. When she located it, she began looking. She skipped over the sterling silver section and focused on the white gold section. **"I'm thinking white gold would be best, don't you think?"**

**"Totally,"** Alexis agreed as they looked at the settings for two stones. There was one that Alexis liked that had rose gold accents that serpentined up either side like an "S". **"What about that one?"**she asked, pointing it out.

Kate studied it for a moment, **"It's nice. Let's see what else they have first."**Kate kept a finger on the page and continued to flip through the binder.

The woman who had checked on them earlier was passing by, still giving them space if they needed it, but close enough that she could be asked any question pertaining to the jewelry.

Kate glanced at the saleslady and grinned to herself; the woman was hovering and it amused Kate. She turned the last page and realized that she hadn't seen a setting she liked more than the first one Alexis had picked out, so she flipped back to that page, **"So it looks like this one is the winner."**Kate lifted her head and caught the saleslady's eye to motion her closer.

The woman came over and smiled, **"You've found something?"**

Kate smiled, **"Yes I have. Is it possible to have a ring custom designed?"** **"Of course, dear. Once you've selected your stones and the setting, we send it to our craftsmen and they will create your ring. What were you thinking of doing?"**

Kate flipped back to the page with the stones, **"These two stones, the heart shaped ruby and diamond in,"** she flipped to the page with the setting she wanted, **"This setting, the white gold band with the rose gold accents."** Kate pointed it out. **"Um, can I have it engraved as well?"**

The woman nodded, **"Yes. Let me get out the form and we'll fill in all the details and you can write out what you'd like to have engraved."**She turned to get the form and a pen.

Alexis, meanwhile, was smiling at Kate, **"She's going to love it."**

Kate smiled, **"I hope so."**She was still a bit nervous, but she knew it was just because she'd never done this before. She'd never even thought about marriage until she met Alex. Kate wasn't the type to marry lightly. In fact, she proudly referred to herself as a one and done kind of gal and the fact that she was picking Alex meant that she knew that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with the blonde.

The woman put the paper down in front of Kate and handed her the pen, **"Fill in all the information at the top and then write what you'd like engraved in that box and I'll fill out the rest."**

Kate took the paper and pen and thought for a moment before she wrote down _"Kate and Alex Forever"_ in the box. She handed the form back to the lady. The woman took the book from Kate and wrote down all the pertinent information, then she handed a copy to Kate and said, **"Ok, your ring should be ready in 4 to 6 weeks. We'll give you a call as soon as it comes in. The only think we have left to take care of is the deposit."**

**"How much is it?"**Kate asked as she took out her wallet.

**"15 percent. You pay the rest when you pick it up. Here's the quote and the amount of your deposit,"** she said after she quickly calculated it. **"If the ring is to your liking, you can take it that day, otherwise, we'll send it back to make any final adjustments."**

Kate smiled and then looked at the price. She was surprised that her eyes didn't bug out of her head when she saw the total, but Alex was worth it. Thankfully shed saved her holiday bonus because it was just enough to cover the entire deposit. She handed over her credit card.

The woman ran her card and handed it back to Kate along with the receipt to sign. **"Thank you, Ms. Beckett."**

Kate put her card and the receipt away and said goodbye to the lady before leading Alexis out of the store. When they stepped out into the street, Kate finally exhaled, **"Wow."**

**"No kidding, I can't believe you just bought an engagement ring. It's crazy. Do you want to go get something to eat? You look like you could use something."**

Kate smiled, **"Yeah let's go eat. The thing is, my wow wasn't about the ring it was about...how much I just laid down for the deposit, like it was nothing. It's going to take me a sec to wrap my brain around that, so let's walk a bit and then find something to eat, ok?"**

Alexis nodded and she hoped that Kate wasn't having second thoughts about the ring. It was really going to be beautiful and even though it cost a lot, it was forever. They walked up the street but Alexis just stayed quiet so that Kate could think.

Kate was already thinking about ways to pay for the ring, but the best was to borrow the money from her pension plan and pay it back through her paycheck. She decided to start the process of withdrawing the money as soon as she got back to the station and now that she was settled, she turned to Alexis, **"Hey, you're pretty quiet there kiddo, something on your mind?"**

**"Well, I'm just hoping that you're not rethinking getting the ring...I know it was a lot, but it's perfect and they have payment plans, you know..."**

Kate smiled, **"You're a sweet girl, but no, I'm not rethinking it. I can get the money from my pension plan and pay it back from my check every two weeks, no problem. No, my main worry right now is how to ask her and what to do if she says no."**

Alexis looked at her with an "are you joking" expression, **"Really? You're worried about her saying no?"**

Kate frowned, **"Not like a no for all time just...worried she'll say it's too soon or something."** Kate paused, **"I mean, we've only been together for four months and objectively speaking, that's not nearly long enough to be talking about marriage. The thing is...I love her and I know I want to be with her for the rest of my life. I want us to be married because, I don't know, marriage makes it seem more permanent than just living together, you know?"** Kate knew she probably wasn't explaining herself very well but it was hard to put it into words. **"I mean, she already told me it was too soon to move in together, though I did ask her after only a week together, but still..."**

**"Oh,"** Alexis said as she started to think about it. **"Well, even though she said no to moving in, you still see each other almost all the time right? So even if she says no for now, it doesn't mean that she is always going to say no. She loves you a lot Kate and just my opinion, but I think she's going to say yes."**

Kate relaxed a bit, **"I hope she says yes. I'm not sure how I'd react if she said no...even if it was only for now."**Kate felt her heart constrict at the thought of Alex saying no. She knew that her girlfriend would try to soften the blow and use logic to make it seem like waiting was the right thing to do.

Alexis touched Kate's arm, **"It's going to be ok, Kate. You have lots of friends who support and care about you and we'll all be here no matter what happens. Just try and think positive."**

Kate took a breath, **"You're right. Thanks again for coming with me. Come on, let's go find someplace to have lunch."**

They walked past a few places until they were up by Columbus Circle and Alexis said, **"Come on, I know the perfect place."** She walked her to a small street and there was an Italian placed called Gabriel's. **"You like Italian, right?"**

Kate smiled, **"Who doesn't? Come on, it's my treat." **

Alexis walked Kate into the restaurant and a cute little hostess with brown eyes and wavy brown hair smiled, **"Hi, two?"**

Kate smiled at the hostess. She reminded her of someone but she couldn't quite put her finger on who it was that she was thinking of. In any case, her smile wasn't for that, it was for the look on the hostess's face when she saw Alexis. Kate knew that look, after all, she saw it often enough in Alex's eyes; this girl was interested in Alexis and Kate tried to hide her knowing smirk as they were led to their table. They sat down and the cute hostess handed them menus. **"Your waitress will be by soon to take your orders."**She smiled, mostly at Alexis, and then walked away.

Alexis glanced at her menu, not really picking up on the hostess's attention.

Kate looked over the menu and decided on the penne with marinara and meatballs. She glanced at Alexis, **"So, where did you want to go shopping?"**

**"I was thinking of Coach. I saw this great bag online and I'm hoping they have it. Will you have time?"**

Kate smiled, **"I have my cell, so if anything happens I'll have to go in, but yeah, I have time."** The waitress came by then and took their orders before returning to the kitchen. Kate took a sip of the water that was on the table. **"Coach is a great brand."**

**"Dad said I could get one if I passed with all A's last semester. It was, like, a no-brainer..."** she said, sipping her soda. **"I'm not usually a purse person, but this bag is so cute."**

Kate nodded, **"I can understand that. I've seen more than one pair of girly heels that I've loved in the store windows, but I never have an occasion to wear them, so they usually stay in the window."**Kate chuckled.

**"That's too bad. Next time you see a pair, you should get them. Dad is always having parties or going to galas, I'll bet he could get you and Alex in. It would be fun!"**

Kate shook her head ruefully, **"I have no doubt about that, but if I let her, Alex would drag me to every fancy ball in the Society pages and...that's really not my scene. So I don't think Ill tell her about your dad's connections just yet."**Kate could only imagine Alex begging her with those puppy dog eyes of hers to go to a Fire and Ice ball or some other charity/high society gala that Kate knew she'd never be comfortable at and wouldn't be able to say no.

**"Still, you should buy the next pair of shoes you fall in love with. You could always wear them just for Alex, I'll bet she'd appreciate that."**

Kate's dirty mind went right to the gutter with Alexis' suggestion and her face took on a shocked look, **"Alexis Castle! That's..."**Kate didn't know what to say to that.

**"I may be young, but I'm not naive."** she said before taking another sip of her soda. **"People do things, it's just human nature."**

Kate sputtered, **"Maybe so, but... I can't have this conversation with you...your father would kill me if he knew."**

**"I can keep a secret. He'll never know I brought it up,"**she said, using her hand to turn a key to the invisible lock of her lips.

Kate nodded then changed the subject, **"Uh huh, well what about you? Are you seeing anyone?"**

**"Um, not really. There's this guy I like, but I don't know if he's going to ask me out or not,"**she said, playing with the condensation on her glass.

Kate sensed there was more to the story so she asked, **"Why wouldn't he ask you out? You're smart, funny, beautiful, and a great friend."**

**"He's shy, I guess? I don't really know,"**she said looking down.

Kate thought about it for a moment, **"So, um, why don't you ask him out?"**

Their waitress came back with their food and Kate began to eat as she waited for Alexis to answer her.

**"I'm shy?"** she said with a grin. **"He's just...really cute and I'd totally say something stupid."**

Kate frowned, **"So, you're both too shy to say something? Wouldn't it be worth the risk of saying something stupid if it means you get to know him?"**

**"I guess so. You really think I should say something to him?"**Alexis asked, looking at Kate.

**"Do you really like him?"**

Alexis nodded, **"Yeah, I do."**

**"Then I say it's worth the risk."**Kate smiled, biting into a meatball.

**"Thanks, Kate."**Alexis made up her mind then and there that she'd say something when she went back to school tomorrow. She twirled some fettuccine onto her fork and took a bite.

Kate nodded as she continued eating. **"Glad I could help." **

They finished up their lunch and although Kate paid, Alexis insisted on tipping. The two left the restaurant and made their way to Coach to look for Alexis' purse.

* * *

><p>Kate and Alexis had a great time and Alexis found the purse she wanted. They spent a few more hours browsing the stores, window-shopping mostly, before they made their way back to the precinct. Luckily, Kate hadn't been called so when she got back to her desk she just had the paperwork that she'd left behind earlier that day to finish up. She turned to Alexis, <strong>"Thanks again for your help and remember, not a word to anyone about anything that happened this afternoon, ok?"<strong>

**"Sealed. See you later, Kate."**Alexis left the precinct to head back to the loft and finish up her homework for tomorrow.

About two minutes after she left, Castle came up and asked, **"So, did you and my offspring have fun?"**

Kate smiled, **"Yes we did."**Kate turned back to her paperwork, not willing to say anything more than that.

TBC...


	20. Federal Heat

**Chapter 20: Federal Heat**

A few weeks later, Kate was at the precinct late finishing up some paperwork when Castle walked in talking on his cell phone. Kate glanced at him and saw him grinning at whatever was being said on the phone. She shook her head and went to get a cup of coffee. She was walking out of the break room, heading back to her desk when, Castle got off the phone.

**"Hey."**

**"Hey."**

**"Ask me why I'm here,"**he said, practically ready to burst.

**"You know, I ask myself that question every day,"**Kate said, only slightly serious.

**"I got a call from my agent and she had pretty big news about _Heat Wave_. I'll give you a hint...the headlines in the trades might read Castle best-seller to heat up big screen."**

Kate looked up from the file she was reading, **"Your book is going to be made into a movie?"**She was already picturing the teasing she was going to get from the guys, not to mention Alex.

**"And you are about to be immortalized on the silver screen!"** Before Kate could remind him that Nikki Heat was going to be the one immortalized not her, he continued, **"Who do you want to play you in the movie?"**Castle was very excited, like a kid with a new toy.

Before Kate could answer, Ryan and Esposito walked up and heard the news. Ryan asked, **"Are you serious? They're really making a Nikki Heat movie?"**Ryan and Esposito began talking about who would play them in the movie, or rather their alter egos, Detectives Raley and Ochoa.

Kate rolled her eyes as she answered her phone. She really didn't want to think about who would play Nikki Heat in the movie.

**"I'd like to report a murder,"**the man on the other end of the phone said in an eerily calm voice.

Kate didn't think anything of it at first, **"Do you have an address?"**She prepared to write it down.

**"Where's the fun in that?"**he asked, taunting her.

Kate suddenly knew something was up and she silently motioned for Ryan to trace the call. She stayed calm and tried to keep the guy talking, **"Ok, who is this?"**

**"Oh, a fan,"**was all he said.

Kate was intrigued now and quickly thought of ways to keep him on the line long enough for the trace, **"Tell me more about this murder."**

**"I did it, that's all you need to know,"**and with that, the line went dead.

**"Hello?"**Kate asked just before the dial tone kicked in.

Luckily, Ryan had gotten the trace and he said, **"Got it. 42nd and Lex." **

Castle looked at Kate, **"That's Grand Central Station." **

**"Yeah let's go."**They all moved out, racing to get to Grand Central to see what they could find.

* * *

><p>Kate called the crime scene guys and Lanie and the scene was processed. Lanie had told them she would be doing the autopsy in the morning so Kate left the scene and went to Alex's loft. She was a bit later than she'd wanted to be but she knew that Alex would understand.<p>

Kate let herself in, only to find a note sitting on the dining room table: _"Dinner is in the oven, keeping warm. I went to bed, join me when you're ready. Love you, Alex."_

Kate smiled. It was a sweet thing to do, keeping dinner warm for her. Kate went to the oven to see what it was and grinned when she saw it was lasagna. Kate served some onto a plate and then quickly ate her dinner so that she could get ready for bed.

When she slipped between the sheets, she snuggled up close to Alex, spooning her from behind. She held her lover close as she fell asleep.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Kate woke up to the smell of fresh brewed coffee. She walked into the kitchen and saw Alex at the stove making scrambled eggs and the bacon was already resting on a paper towel to drain the oil. Kate smiled at the domesticity of the scene before her. <strong>"Good morning, sorry I got in so late. We caught a case."<strong>

**"Must be quite a case, you were out pretty late,"** she said as she took the pan off the heat and spooned the eggs onto a plate. She carried it over and set it down in front of Kate and then went back to get the bacon and ketchup for her. **"I'm sorry I fell asleep on you."**

Kate shook her head, **"Don't be sorry about that, it was fairly late when I got in. So far it seems like a run of the mill shooting if you don't count the fact that the killer called to report the murder. I don't know, something seems off, but I can't put my finger on it. Hopefully Lanie will know more when she does the autopsy today."**Kate began eating and she completely enjoyed her meal. She'd seen enough autopsies to know she wasn't going to lose her breakfast on the morgue floor.

Alex poured her a cup of coffee and sat down, **"The killer called to report it?"**Alex had heard of a lot of things in her day, but cases like this were rare.

She could maybe think of one other time when someone had called to report their crime and it didn't end well. **"I hope you catch this sicko fast. I don't like the idea of you dealing with someone like that."**

Kate smiled as she swallowed her food, **"Don't worry baby, guys like this aren't very smart. They trip up and we catch them."** Kate paused for a moment then remembered what Castle was telling her before they caught the case, **"Oh, you will never guess what Castle told me last night before we caught the case. Are you ready for this? They're making a Nikki Heat movie."**

Alex looked up in shock, **"Are you kidding?"**

**"Trust me I wish I was."**Kate shook her head as she drank some coffee.

**"And it's confirmed? Who are they getting to play you?"** Kate put her coffee down, **"That's your first question? First of all, it's not me, it's Nikki Heat and second, I don't know and I don't care. As for confirmed, well Castle's agent called so I guess it's confirmed."**

**"You don't care who they get to play the character of Nikki? You can't be serious, honey, this is a huge, huge honor. I wonder if they'll let me have a cameo?"**she said wistfully.

Kate barely resisted rolling her eyes. **"A cameo? Be careful or Castle might write one in and make Nikki bi or something. I don't care who plays Nikki as long as it's someone who can act, someone badass who can pull off the character and..."**Kate drifted off when she realized she'd just given herself away.

Alex gasped, **"See? You do care! And I'm not saying my character has to be Nikki's love interest. After all, she is with Rook, remember? But she could be there on official business as the ADA...he could name her...Abbie or something."**

Kate raised an eyebrow, **"Abbie? Who ever heard of an ADA named Abbie? And ok, yes, I care, a little but I am not about to play Castle's little game. Do you know who he suggested? Kate Beckinsale."**

Alex thought about it, **"I could see that. She's super hot. Though if I had to take my pick, I think I'd go with...Olivia Wilde. She was Maxim's hottest woman on earth last year."**

Kate looked a little skeptical, **"Olivia Wilde? Seriously? What about that chick from NCIS? The new one...I forget her name but she plays Ziva."**Kate suddenly realized she was playing Castle's game, with Alex.

**"Well, she's your character. You can suggest whoever you want, honey. As for me, I'm thinking January Jones...she could play a lawyer."**

Kate decided she didn't want to play this game anymore so she stood up and moved closer to Alex. She leaned closer, **"As fun as this is, I don't want to spend the last few minutes I have left before I have to get ready for work talking about celebrities. Care to join me in the shower Counselor?"**Kate closed the distance and kissed her then turned and walked towards the bathroom.

Alex grinned, **"You know I can't resist an offer like that."**She got up from her chair and followed right behind Kate, smacking her on the butt.

Kate chuckled, **"Why do you think I made it? Come on baby."** Kate led Alex to the bathroom, shedding robes and tank tops along the way. By the time she turned to turn on the shower, they were both naked, and once the temperature was just right, she stepped into the stall and held her hand out to Alex, **"You coming?"**

Alex stepped in and sighed happily when the warm water hit her skin. She wrapped her arms around Kate and kissed the back of her neck, **"I love mornings like this."**

Kate leaned back into Alex's arms, **"Mmmm...me too."**She closed her eyes as she enjoyed the feel of Alex's arms around her. The two made love under the spray, Alex taking care of Kate first and then the detective pleasing her blonde lover.

When they emerged from the shower, Alex looked at the time and panicked, **"Shit, I'm going to be late for court and I don't think the judge is going to like my explanation as to why."** She kissed Kate's cheek and then ran off into the bedroom to get dressed. **"Babe, if I beat you home, are you ok with Chinese?"**she called from inside the closet.

Kate grinned, **"Yeah, Chinese is fine. Let's crash at my place though, ok?"**

**"Ok. Sounds good,"**she said as she ran back to the bathroom in her underwear to do her hair and makeup and brush her teeth.

Kate dressed quickly and, with a quick kiss goodbye, she left the loft and headed for the morgue. She got there a few minutes before Castle did and together they went into the room where Lanie was waiting for them.

**"Hey, I'm glad you guys are here. I found something really interesting when I pulled the slugs from the victim. Check it out,"**Lanie said, moving so that they could take a look at what she'd found.

Kate looked under the magnifying glass Lanie had set up on the counter and she noticed something weird, **"They're engraved with letters, five of them."** Castle rearranged the bullets to spell out _'KINKI'_ and he grinned.

Kate, however, studied them a bit longer and realized they spelled something else, _'NIKKI'_. **"Nikki. Nikki Heat. That's why he called me. That's why he called himself a fan. He dedicated this murder to me."**Kate felt a little sick as she realized this man had died because of her...because of Nikki.

Castle looked as though he'd been punched in the gut. He'd never had anything like this happen to him before: a murder happening because of one of his books. He sighed heavily, **"This isn't good."**

Kate looked at the bullets, **"No it isn't."** She turned to Lanie, **"Thanks for the info Lanie. I better go brief the Captain."** Kate didn't want to think about it but she knew what this meant...they were dealing with a mentally deranged psycho. She turned to Castle, **"Come on Castle, let's go."**

He followed right behind. He wasn't planning to stray far from Kate's side with this nut case on the loose.

* * *

><p>They had just finished briefing the Captain when the phone rang and the same guy from the night before asked, <strong>"Nikki, did you get the first part of my message?" <strong>

Kate hardened her face, **"Yes I did."**

**"Well, the second is at the Central Park carousel."**That's all he said and then hung up.

Castle looked at Beckett, **"Well? What did he say?"**

Kate stared at the far wall, **"He, um, he said to go to the Central Park carousel. Something about a second message waiting for me there."** Kate snapped out of her thoughts, **"Come on, let's go."**She gathered her coat and began heading for the elevator.

Castle followed her to the elevator and the two went down to the ground level. They got into Kate's car and he buckled his seat belt, **"Have you ever had anything like this happen before?"**

Kate glanced at him for a moment as she drove, **"Like what? Having someone killing people as some sort of tribute to me? No Castle."**

**"I'm sorry...I feel like it's my fault,"**he said in a soft voice that sounded completely unlike him.

Kate knew Castle was going down a road he didn't need to be going down so she said, **"Like Charles Manson was the Beatles' fault because of Helter Skelter or is it more like Charles Hinkley's shooting of Reagan was Jodie Foster's fault."**Kate tone indicated that she didn't think this was Castle's fault.

**"If I hadn't created Nikki Heat this wouldn't be happening."**

**"No Castle, he would still be killing, he would just be using a different reason for it."**Kate pulled up to the carousel and along with Ryan and Esposito, she and Castle carefully entered the carousel to search it. The music was on and the carousel was slowly turning as the three detectives looked around with guns drawn. Suddenly, something strange found its way into the beam of Kate's flashlight. It was the dead body of a woman dressed in a pink sweater.

Kate turned to Ryan who was close behind her, **"Turn the lights on and turn this carousel off."**Ryan hurried to do that as Kate pulled out her cell and called Lanie and the crime scene techs.

Kate turned to Castle, **"I hate this guy."**Then she went to stay with the body as they waited for Lanie.

Within 10 minutes, the CSUs and Lanie were on the scene. Two of the CSUs moved the body so that Lanie could examine it and she called Kate and Castle over to tell them of her findings. She explained that there were four entry wounds that appeared to be from a .45 and there was also a muzzle burn on the right side of victim's abdomen, leading her to conclude that the shooter was left-handed. She also let them know that the CSUs had pulled the slugs from the back of the seat where the victim was found and this time they spelled out W-I-L-L.

Kate thought about that, **"So he's sending a message, 'Nikki will...'"**She wondered what it meant.

Castle asked, **"What? 'Nikki will' what?"**The three of them looked at each other but no one had the answer.

**"Thank you, Lanie."**Kate walked away, heading out of the carousel to get some air and Castle was right behind her.

Just as they got out to the fence around the carousel, Castle saw several black SUVs rolling up to the area and said, **"Either a UFO just landed on the other side of the park..."**

Kate turned to look and she knew what those SUVs meant, **"Or else the FBI's here to claim jurisdiction over this case."**Kate, like most local cops, didn't care for FBI intrusion but she knew she might not have a choice. Still, that didn't mean she was just going to give up without a fight.

**"Maybe they're just lining up early for rides on the carousel,"**he offered, trying to make light of the situation. He knew FBI involvement meant that this was really big deal and he wasn't sure that Kate was going to be ok with these people intruding on her case.

Kate knew that wasn't likely, especially after she saw what looked like the agent in charge. A stern looking redhead stepped out of the lead SUV and started giving orders to another agent, a dark skinned man with a shaved head. As the agent got closer, Kate muttered to Castle, **"Here goes."**She knew she was about to get swept aside.

Agent Jordan Shaw walked up to the two people she saw standing outside of the carousel and after making a quick judgment call concluded that the woman must be the detective she was looking for, **"Nikki Heat, I presume?"**

Kate held back her usual reaction when she was called Nikki Heat and just replied, **"It's Beckett. Detective Kate Beckett." **

**"Right, I read all about you in Cosmo. And you must be the celebrity writer tag along, Richard Castle. I'm Special Agent Jordan Shaw,"**she said, extending a hand to both of them.

**"Jordan-Jordan Shaw?"** Now Castle was a little star-struck, **"The same Jordan Shaw that broke the Hudson Valley Strangler case back in 1991?"**Castle, in his adventures while researching for his books, had come across Shaw's name several times in connections to serial killer cases.

Shaw brushed off his enthusiasm, **"I also play a mean game of Scrabble. So, now that we know each other, why don't you show me the body?"**

Kate's territorial instincts kicked in just then, **"Agent Shaw, my people have already secured the area. CSU is on the scene and we're canvassing the park, so as happy as I am to see the cavalry, there's really not much left here for you to do."**Kate didn't want the feds taking over her case...it was personal now.

**"Detective, the gods in the marble halls have sent me here to catch a killer, which I will do with or without your help, ok? Now, can I see the body?"**

Castle was in love with that line and the way Shaw said it, **"That is so going in the movie."** He pulled out a small writing pad and pen, **"Can you say that again, but start from 'marble halls?'"**

Shaw began to move away but only got two steps before Ryan and Esposito came up to them with the victim's purse, **"Unis pulled this from a trash bin. Wallet's inside. Vic's name is Michelle Lewis." **

Esposito chimed in, **"According to her business card, she's a dog walker." **

Kate studied the surface of the shiny black purse and noticed it had a print, **"There's a print here and it's too large to be our victim's. Let's get it to the lab for..."** Before she could finish Shaw pulled out her Smartphone and took a picture of the print. **"What are you doing?"**

**"That print is already in the lab and being processed. No muss, no fuss, no black powder on your clothes."**Jordan explained, a little smug.

Castle was in awe, **"They have an app for that?"**

Shaw smiled, **"That's why I joined the FBI, Mr. Castle. For the toys."** She turned to Kate, **"I'm really eager to see that body."**Shaw once again began walking towards the body.

Castle tried to follow to get a closer look at Shaw's phone, but Kate stopped him. She didn't like it that Castle wasn't as put out as she was by the FBI's intrusion on their case. She turned to him, **"Come on, let's get back to the station. Let the feds do their thing while we do ours."**She began walking to the car and although Castle hesitated a moment, he realized that his loyalty was to Kate first so he followed her to the car.

They stopped to get a hot dog and made it back to the precinct in time to see Agent Shaw and her team setting up a war room in one of the conference rooms. Castle was intrigued, **"What's going on?" **

Kate looked into the room for a moment, familiar with the FBI's procedure, and said, **"They're setting up the war room." **

Castle was like a little kid, **"War room?"**It just sounded so cool.

Kate had had enough so she turned to stand in front of Castle and said, **"Tell me everything you know about Jordan Shaw."**

**"She's like the federal you. She's good...she's really good,"** he said, clearly impressed. **"She cracked open the Hudson Valley Strangler case when she was just 25."**

Kate remembered that case and tried to punch a hole in Castle's retelling, **"I thought they caught him off of a speeding ticket." **

**"They did, but she's the one who profiled that he drove a Yugo..."**he said as though he was speaking of a mystical legend.

**"Didn't they find a girl tied up the back?" **

**"Yup, Jordan Shaw saved that girl's life."**Castle was trying to get his point across that Shaw was exactly who they wanted on this case.

Kate was amused at Castle's behavior, **"I've never seen you so excited to meet anyone before." **

Castle tried to play it off, **"No, I just...I'm...can we go see the war room now?"**Two guys had just walked by with a large glass screen and he wanted to get into the room to see what it did.

Just as the large screen was being carried into the conference room, Alex happened to be walking through the hallway to look for Kate. Castle nearly ran into her as he was rushing to check out the setup and he apologized. **"By the way, Kate's in there,"**he said as he ducked into the room.

Alex glanced in and noticed several FBI agents flitting about, but continued on to meet her girlfriend. **"Hey, what's going on?"**

Kate turned to Alex and smiled, happy to see girlfriend, **"Hey Alex, the feds have arrived to take over my case. What brings you by?"**

**"Came by to see if you were free for lunch, but it looks like a bit of a circus. Do you need to stick around?"**

Kate was torn between spending time with Alex and sticking close to make sure she didn't lose her case. **"I...I should probably stay here, otherwise the Feds'll take over my case. I'm sorry honey, rain check?"**

Alex nodded, **"Of course. I understand how quickly these things can get out of hand if there isn't a watchful eye keeping tabs on things. I'll just grab something and take it back to my office."** She leaned over and kissed Kate's cheek quickly, **"Good luck baby and if you need anything, call me, ok?"**

Kate smiled, **"Of course. I'll see you tonight at my place, ok?"**

**"Ok, I love you,"**she said with a sweet smile before leaving. On her way out, she did her best to dodge the army of Fibbies as they turned the precinct into command central.

Kate watched her leave, her eyes drifting as they sometimes did, to Alex's perfect ass before she turned with a smile and walked into the war room to see what was going on. Shaw was explaining what her SmartBoard did and Kate couldn't help but say, **"Wow, it sounds like it does your job for you." **

**"It takes a mind to know a mind, detective. The SmartBoard just does the tedious work for us,"**Jordan said, not batting an eyelash.

Shaw went on to explain her thoughts about their suspect and something in her voice made Beckett think she admired the guy. She, of course, had no problem saying so, **"You almost sound like you admire him." **

**"I admire him the way Robert Shaw admired the shark in Jaws. The better I know him, the easier it'll be to catch him,"**Shaw said confidently.

**"It's like when I'm writing. The killer's voice isn't authentic unless I know why he's killing,"**Castle explained, relating a bit to what Shaw was saying.

Kate didn't like seeing Castle getting along so easily with Shaw. She'd never really admit it out loud but she had come to really like their interactions, the way they built theories of the crime together, their similar thought patterns enabling them to come to similar conclusions. Seeing him doing that with Shaw well...Kate suddenly found out that she could feel jealous over someone other than Alex and she didn't like that either.

Jordan went on to explain, **"Well this guy likes to make a scene. I wouldn't be surprised if he was also an arsonist. In fact, I think that's what drew him to the Nikki Heat character in the first place, her name."** Shaw gave them a moment to let that sink in before she said, **"Speaking of Detective Heat..."**

One of Shaw's team members walked in with a box holding several copies of _Heat Wave_.

Castle was confused but also a little happy. That many books would mean more money for him. **"Guys, listen, not that I don't appreciate the royalties,"** he attempted to sound modest, **"but why do you need 100 copies of _Heat Wave_?"**

Jordan was the one to explain, **"If our killer is obsessed with Nikki Heat, then so are we."**

Kate stood there just observing. She knew if she spoke it wouldn't be anything polite and besides, Jordan seemed to be making some good points so far...she hated that, but she had to admire it as well. The woman knew what she was doing.

Shaw turned to one of her agents, **"Avery? Cliff's Notes please."**

Special Agent Jason Avery picked up the folder that contained the basic plot and summary of the novel and began to read from it in a monotone.

Castle stopped him after a few minutes, **"I'm sorry, excuse me it's a...it's a _New York Times_ bestseller. I don't think there's a need to make I sound quite so dry. Thanks."**

Avery, unimpressed, continued, **"Heat's life is complicated by a reporter named Jameson Rook who's following her around for an article he's writing."**

Everyone was listening intently because they knew that Castle and Beckett were the models for the characters. They were interested to know what Castle had written for Rook and Heat.

**"Heat and Rook verbally spar and in Chapter 11, admit their attraction for one another and have sex."**

The room went silent as everyone looked to where Beckett and Castle were standing. They were curious to know if that was ripped from real life or just something added for effect.

Beckett looked around the room and in a slightly pissed off tone said, **"It's fiction."**She was glad that Alex had already left. She didn't want her girlfriend around for all of this.

Of course no one really believed it, but they knew enough to not say anything. Avery continued his reading, **"In the end when the killer's revealed it turns out it's actually..."**

**"Whoa, oh!"** Castle interrupted and he looked at Avery, **"Spoiler alert."**He didn't want the killer revealed like that, he wanted them to read the book and find out for themselves.

Shaw grinned, **"In deference to Mr. Castle's artistic sensitivity, you can all read the book to find out the identity of the killer."**

**"Thank you. And if you want me to autograph those for you, just form a single file line right here."** When no one looked like they were going to be lining up anytime soon, he lowered his voice, **"Or not."**

Before he could say anything else, the print that had been running through the system got a hit and it was traced to a man named Donald Salt. The guy had a record for manslaughter and he seemed to fit the profile. Shaw, confident that this was their guy, ordered that the agents move out and pick him up.

* * *

><p>Shaw was looking out the window and said, <strong>"Salt lives in that brick building. His supervisor said he left work an hour ago, so he should be home by now. When the others get here we'll take him."<strong> Shaw saw Castle playing with something in the backseat and asked, **"What is he doing?" **

Kate sighed, **"He, um, touches things."**She said it much like a mom would of a two year-old. Shaw turned around and saw that Castle was messing around with her night vision goggles.

Castle lowered the goggles and said, **"Hey maybe in my third book, Nikki Heat will cross swords with a good-looking, but cold-hearted FBI profiler, call it _Federal Heat_."**

Kate was the only one who knew what Castle meant by 'cross swords' and she turned to him and glared.

He quickly got the message and said, **"Or maybe not."**

Shaw and Kate turned back around to watch the street. Shaw looked at Castle through the rearview mirror and then turned to at Kate with a grin. She decided to ask them what she'd been wondering for a while now, **"So, how long have you two been sleeping together?" **

Kate was caught off guard but she recovered fast enough to say, **"We're not sleeping together. We...he just observes me."**

Shaw looked at her skeptically, **"Yeah, I've see how he observes you." **

Before Kate could say anything Castle chimed in, **"No she's right. Aside from my second wife, this is the most sexless relationship I've ever been in."**

Kate decided it was time to mention she was taken, **"Besides, I'm seeing someone right now."**

**"Oh, so it really is a professional thing. Never would've guessed and I'm a profiler. So, what does your boyfriend do?"**

Kate grinned, **"Actually, she's an Assistant District Attorney here in Manhattan."**Kate waited to see how Shaw would react to that.

Shaw turned, an eyebrow raised, **"Wow, I'm 0 for two. Maybe I should consider a new line of work."**

Castle chuckled, **"Don't feel too bad Agent Shaw. I've known her for almost a year and if she hadn't introduced me to her girlfriend, I never would've known."** Castle forgot himself for a moment and said, **"If I had known sooner..."**

Kate turned again to glare at him, already knowing where that sentence was going.

Castle saw the glare and remembered his promise to not bring Kate's sexuality into the books. **"Never mind, it's not important."**

Shaw just shook her head, **"Well, I suppose I can't feel too bad then. So, she's an ADA, huh? I would think a woman like you would want to date someone outside of the criminal justice system."**

Kate thought about that for a moment then said, **"Very few people outside of law enforcement would understand the long hours, the frustration when leads run out, the cancelled dates when a fresh lead comes in that you have to track down while it's still hot. She gets it because we're on the same side of this fight, we just use different paths to get there."**Kate's voice gave away that she was speaking from experience.

**"I suppose so, though my family seems to handle it all right. My husband is supportive of my career, but it isn't always easy being away from home."**

**"What does your husband do?"**Kate asked, curious.

**"He's a teacher, middle school History."**

Kate smiled, **"Then you're one of the lucky ones."**

**"I know. He's a really wonderful guy."** Jordan paused a moment, **"Are you two planning on having kids?"**

Kate took a moment to think about her answer, **"Well, it's too soon to say for sure, but we've talked about it."**Kate didn't feel she needed to go into any more detail, after all, it was really none of Agent Shaw's business, nor did she want Castle putting his two cents in.

**"If you do decide to have kids, it's going to be the hardest on them. I have a little girl and it never gets any easier when I have to leave her. I call her every night to tell her I love her,"**she said wistfully.

Kate thought about that and she realized that with their jobs it might be a little hard to raise a child, but she also knew that she and Alex would do whatever it took to make sure they did it right. **"Well, the good news is that neither of us has a job that takes us out of town. But I hear what you're saying."**

Shaw nodded and then spotted two SUVs in the rearview. **"Ok, the team's here, let's go..."**

In no time the FBI team, along with Beckett, was poised to enter the building, but before they could act, Jordan noticed someone walking down the alley. The confrontation happened fast and when the dust settled, Donald Salt was on the ground with taser leads attached to his back, Castle holding the taser in his hands.

Beckett made the arrest but no one was expecting the guy to ask, **"Which one of you is Nikki Heat?"**That was when Kate noticed the guy was missing his pinkie finger and she told Shaw.

They took Salt back to the precinct for questioning and he explained to them that the killer had offered him $5,000 for his pinkie finger. Of course he gave them the run around, not offering them a description or anything helpful until Kate asked about the bandage. Salt grinned and told the two women that the killer had bandaged it himself.

**"Be gentle with me, Nikki,"**Salt instructed just before Kate started to unwrap the bloody gauze.

As Kate unwound the bandage from Salt's finger, she found was a series of numbers written on the gauze. She and Shaw immediately carried the evidence back to the war room so that they could start deciphering the killer's code.

Beckett, Shaw, Avery and Castle were trying everything they could do decipher the meaning, but none of the known cryptographies that Avery ran it through could seem to crack the code.

Castle noticed that one column of numbers didn't go higher than 300 and that the other column was no more than 260...after a few moments of thinking out loud, Castle realized the reference key had to be his book, _Heat Wave_. He picked up a copy and looked up the first set of numbers, coming up with the word 'I.' Avery loaded the text into the computer and the message was quickly deciphered as, _"I will kill someone else before midnight tonight unless you stop me.'"_

Kate was the first to speak, **"Midnight. That's eight hours away. He's putting us on the clock. He's daring us to stop him." **

Over the next five hours the detectives and agents did what they could to figure out where the killer might strike next, but by 9 o'clock they were still no closer than when they started. Kate, who had had enough of Shaw's flashy high tech toys, was sitting near the murder board she and the other detectives used on a regular basis when Castle walked up. He stood near her and asked, **"Kicking it old school?"**

**"The whiteboard's always worked for me."** Kate knew the SmartBoard that Shaw had was faster and cooler, but deep down she was really a low-tech girl. The whiteboard, the hand written information, was more...organic, more real for her than Shaw's computerized SmartBoard. **"I've been going over subway routes. Trying to see if I can trace a pattern from Grand Central to the carousel to the next location, but so far nothing definitive."**Kate was starting to lose hope that she'd be able to stop this guy.

**"Maybe there's something about how he chooses his victims, first a man, then a woman,"**Castle started.

Kate wasn't convinced, **"A lawyer then a dog walker? Let's face it, there's not a pattern there. There's no way to predict where he's going to go next and it's already nine and we're out of time." **

Kate sounded a little defeated, but before Castle could try to cheer her up, the feds got a lead. The FBI's lab was able to isolate both ethanol and formaldehyde on the bandage from Salt's pinkie and the two crime scenes, so it was concluded that the killer must be a mortuary worker. The agents hauled in any undertaker with a criminal record, but it turned out to be a dead end. They were just about to give up when the killer called to taunt Kate once again.

**"Tell me something. How does it feel to know that you have failed?"**he asked in a tone that almost sounded disappointed. He left the phone off the hook and then walked away. He wanted Kate and the agents to trace the call because he felt the only way they could keep up was if he gave them a hint.

The trace led to an underground garage, but when Kate, Castle, Shaw, and the others arrived, all they found was a pool of blood, some hair, and a broken shoe. They followed the blood trail until it abruptly ended at an empty parking space and they quickly concluded that the killer must've taken the body with him.

When it became clear that there was nothing more for Kate to do, Shaw sent her home and told her that there would be a unit on her apartment. She left Kate and Castle standing in the garage and Kate could hardly hold back her frustration. **"Can you believe her?"**she asked Castle, hoping for a little support.

**"Maybe she's right, you should go home and get some rest and something to eat. You've been working since 8 o'clock this morning. I'm sure Alex will be happy to see you, too."**

Kate was about to argue, but when Castle mentioned Alex, she realized he was right. **"Ok fine, I'll go home, but you have to go home too."**Kate didn't want Castle spending any more time with Shaw. The way they were together made Kate almost feel like she was losing her best friend...which was silly because it was Castle, but she knew he had earned that title.

**"Ok, if it's the only way to get you to go home too, I'll do it,"** he said with a nod. **"See you in the morning?"**

Kate smiled, **"Yeah, come on, let's go find a cab."**Kate and Castle walked out of the parking garage and each hailed a cab since they were going in opposite directions.

TBC...


	21. Relaxing at Home The Body Found Her

**Chapter 21: Relaxing at Home...The Body Found Her**

Kate made it home and saw the police detail outside her building. She went upstairs and entered her apartment to find Alex standing at the counter serving up the Chinese take out onto plates. Kate smiled at the sight and then turned to lock the door behind her. She called the car downstairs and sent them away, not wanting or needing Shaw's detail.

She turned to face Alex and asked, **"Mmmm...what smells so good in here? Besides you I mean."**

Alex chuckled, **"Chinese. I brought you dumplings and cashew chicken. There's also some noodles in the take out containers and some spring rolls. You can also have some of mine, if you want. I got the shrimp lo-mein."**

Kate walked around the counter and hugged Alex from behind, nuzzling her neck, **"Mmm...I missed you today. I'm sorry we couldn't have lunch together."**Kate began kissing Alex's neck, trying to bribe the blonde into forgiving her.

Alex lowered her head, **"It's ok. I know it's part of the job sometimes. How were things after I left?"**

Kate groaned, **"They went from bad to worse. Another body popped up and now it's missing. This guy has all of us chasing our own tails."** Kate tightened her grip on Alex, suddenly afraid that this psycho would step up his delusion and try to kill her...or worse, that he'd find out about Alex and try to hurt her just to get to "Nikki." Kate whispered, her voice trembling a little bit, **"I love you Alex."**

Alex could sense that Kate was in bad shape and she gently pulled out of Kate's grasp so that she could turn around and look at her girlfriend, **"I love you too, Kate. We're going to get through this case together, ok? Come on, let's eat something and then I'll hold you."**

**"Ok baby, but let me change into something more comfortable, I've been in these clothes all day. Give me five minutes?"**Kate kissed Alex then began walking towards the bedroom.

Alex carried the plates to the living room while Kate went to go change. She went back to the kitchen to get the rest, but she opted to open a bottle of wine first. She figured a little drink couldn't hurt. Kate seemed like she needed something to calm her nerves.

In the bedroom, Kate took a few deep breaths then she quickly changed into a purple yoga shirt and black sweat pants. It wasn't the sexiest outfit she owned but she knew that Alex wouldn't mind. Kate went back into the living room and smiled when she saw the plates laid out on the coffee table. She sat down on the couch next to Alex and took the wine glass the blonde was holding out for her. She took a quick sip and then she started to eat her dinner, but she wasn't sure she could call it eating since she was basically picking at it. Her appetite was practically non-existent.

Alex was enjoying her shrimp, but she soon noticed that Kate was barely eating. She set her chopsticks down and asked, **"Honey, you can talk to me...whatever you're thinking about, whatever you want to say, I'm here."**

Kate put her chopsticks down and turned to face her girlfriend, **"Alex, just how, big a fan are you of Nikki Heat?"**

**"I enjoyed the book and it makes me smile when I think about her being based on you...though I'm not too thrilled about her relationship with Rook, but you know, it doesn't stop me from liking it. Why?"**

Kate dropped her head and stared at her folded hands as she said, **"Because this case, the guy we're looking for, he...he thinks I really am Nikki Heat and he's...he's killing people to taunt me. He wanted to get my attention and prove that he's smarter than Nikki Heat." **

Alex took a minute to let that soak in and she moved closer to Kate. **"Honey, I'm so sorry. I mean, it's not your fault what he's doing, but I know how this must be eating at you. You're a wonderful person and you'd never want anything like this to happen, let alone for such a stupid reason."** She rubbed Kate's knee, **"You're going to get him, ok? You're smart and you'll find the son of a bitch."**

Kate bit her tongue. She desperately wanted to say that if she was really so smart, she would've found the guy by now or at least have an idea of who he was. The fact that she didn't was killing her, but she knew that she couldn't say it. Suddenly, her appetite vanished and she turned to Alex, **"I hope so. But right now, I just need you to hold me, please?"**

Alex nodded, **"Here or in our room?"**

**"Here's good, you can still reach your food. I'm not hungry anymore but I want you to eat."**Kate shifted and leaned back into her lover's arms. She sighed in relief when she felt the warmth of Alex's body so close to hers.

Alex rocked her just a little and rubbed Kate's tummy, her chin resting on Kate's shoulder, **"I love you so much, Kate Beckett. We're going to get through this."**

Kate leaned her head back on Alex's shoulder and tilted it upward so her nose was grazing Alex's earlobe. She whispered, **"I love you too, Alex. It means so much to me that you said 'we' by the way. I was so worried that this stalker thing would scare you away or make you keep your distance."** Kate snuggled deeper into Alex's arms to confirm how wrong she had been to even think like that. **"Oh by the way, Agent Shaw of the FBI knows about us."**

**"Baby, I've"** she cut herself off before she mentioned that she'd been through this before with Olivia when an obsessed killer murdered four people in her name and opted to move on to the subject of Agent Shaw instead. **"She does? You told her?"**

Kate was too distracted to notice Alex's cut off statement, so answered her about Shaw. **"Yeah I did. She's a great profiler when it comes to criminals but she got it all wrong with Castle and me. She was so sure of herself that she asked Castle and I how long we've been sleeping together. Can you believe that?"**

Alex chuckled, **"I can, unfortunately. The relationship in the book doesn't help, but even without that, people might assume certain things about the two of you. He's into you..."**

Kate frowned, **"Yeah I know he is...but I'm with you, which is what I told Shaw. I even told her you were a woman. She asked me what my boyfriend did and I said that she is an ADA in Manhattan. You should've seen the look on her face."**Kate smiled as she remembered the surprised look on Shaw's face.

**"Priceless?"**Alex asked with a grin.

**"Definitely worth the price of admission."**Before Kate could say anything else, she heard the floorboards in the hallway creak. She knew exactly which board it was and she knew that whoever it was, was almost to her door. Kate lifted her finger to her lips to signal for Alex to be quiet and quietly got up from the couch and went to the drawer near the door where she'd put her gun when she got home.

She motioned for Alex to go to the kitchen and take her cell phone with her in case they needed to call 9-1-1. Once Alex was in the kitchen, Kate slowly approached the door and quietly slid the chain off before quickly opening it. She pointed her gun right at...Castle's head. **"Castle? What are you doing here?"**

He held up a bottle of wine and said, **"Alexis and my mother were out for the evening, I thought I'd come here to hang out with you guys. What happened to the detail?"**

Kate stepped aside to let him in and then called out to Alex, **"Alex, it's just Castle."** Kate turned to back Castle, **"I sent them home after I got in. I'm armed and the doors and windows are all locked so don't give me that look."**

Alex came out of the kitchen and said, **"Hi Castle. I hope you know you scared the living daylights out of me."**

Castle had the good sense to at least look apologetic, **"Hi Alex, sorry about that." **

Kate went back to sit on the couch and she tapped the spot where Alex had been sitting. She didn't care that Castle was there; she needed to be held by her girlfriend.

Alex sat down and took Kate into her arms. She looked over at Rick and said, **"Have a seat. Do you want some of ours before we open yours?"**

Castle picked up the bottle and saw that it was actually a better wine than the one he'd gotten. **"Thank you Alex."** He poured himself a glass and said to Kate, **"I'm glad to see you're taking Agent Shaw's advice about relaxing."**There was something in his tone that irked Kate and reminded her of that feeling she had earlier about losing her friend.

**"Oh, well you know me. If Special Agent Shaw says to relax, who am I to say no?"**Kate's tone was sarcastic at best.

Alex rubbed Kate's arm to calm her when she heard the tone. She looked at Castle and shook her head subtly, warning him not to mention Shaw again. Unfortunately, Castle didn't always think before he spoke and he asked, **"What's that supposed to mean?" **

Thanks to Alex's touch, Kate had calmed down enough to tease Castle a bit, **"Nothing, I just see the way that you listen to her, the way that you look at all of her fancy equipment. So now my murder board's not enough for you? You need a SmartBoard instead?"**

**"Babe, are you jealous of Agent Shaw?"**Alex asked as she resumed her stroking of Kate's arm.

**"What? No I'm not jealous. I'm just...embarrassed by the way he acts like a 10 year-old, all impressed with her data matrix."** She turned to Castle and mockingly paraphrased him, **"'Oh it collates information so quickly, Agent Shaw. Tell me all about it.'" **

Castle shook his head, **"You are being ridiculous." **

Kate wouldn't let it go though, **"And to top it all off, now you're building all your theories with her."**

Alex watched the two of them debating over this agent and decided it might be better to just stay out of it.

Castle shrugged, **"I'm just trying to catch this guy. The longer he's out there, the more people are going to end up dead. No one wants that, remember?"**

**"Yeah but you're supposed to be building theories with me. You're supposed to be on my team." **

Castle was a bit confused, **"I thought we were all on the same team?" **

**"We are I just...I think if you have an insight you should run it by me first." **

Castle agreed, **"Ok, from now on I will. Whatever it takes to make you feel better."**Then he took a sip of his wine. He looked at Alex, a question in his eyes asking what that was all about, but Alex just shrugged. Luckily Kate didn't catch any of their exchange as she'd turned away to grab her glass of wine off the coffee table.

**"Look, I think we're all a little edgy because of the state of things. Why don't we just put on a movie and try to keep our minds off of it, ok?"**Alex offered hoping to calm the animosity. She hated seeing Kate like this.

**"Huh?"** Kate turned to look at her girlfriend, **"Yeah, ok, sounds good."** Then she asked Castle, **"Feel like sticking around for a movie?"**

He nodded, **"Sure, but before we get started, I...I wanted to make an offer. I feel like I should stay here for the night since you sent the detail home. I know it sounds cliche, but I'm a guy and...I could protect you. I'm good with a gun, which Kate can testify to, and I'd just feel better...What do you say?"**

Kate turned to look at Alex and she smirked, **"Babe, you know I have a gun that I can legally use, but it's up to you."**Kate was willing to give Alex the chance to decide if she wanted some extra protection or not.

Alex was going to pay Kate back for putting her on the spot later. She knew that Castle wouldn't try anything and whether he was a guy or not, Alex felt more secure having three people there instead of two. **"Rick, you can stay here for the night."**

Kate turned to Castle, **"On the couch and if I see the doorknob to our bedroom turning, I will shoot you, got it?"**Kate gave him her patented glare.

Castle lifted his hands in surrender, **"I promise I will not go near your door."**

Alex squeezed Kate and then said, **"So, what are we watching?"**

Kate thought about it. **"Well...we never did get to watch _The Devil Wears Prada_ all the way through, so can we watch it now?"**Kate asked, remembering back to the other night.

Alex smiled, **"Sure." **

Rick just groaned softly. Alexis and his mother loved that movie and he'd seen it about 20 times. Reluctantly, Kate stood up and moved to the TV stand. She pulled out the DVD and she put it into the DVD player before turning on the TV. She grabbed the remote and a throw blanket before she returned to Alex's arms. Castle sat on the armchair frowning, but willing to sit through this movie for yet another time for his best friend and her girlfriend. Kate snuggled closer to Alex, covering their bodies with the blanket as they stretched out on the couch to watch the movie.

Alex draped her hand over Kate's stomach and rubbed her stomach again to relax her. She just wanted her girlfriend to feel safe and loved and she'd do whatever it took to ensure that.

Kate sighed happily when she felt Alex's hand on her stomach. She glanced at Castle and grinned as she saw him stubbornly staring at the TV screen. The fact that he wasn't even trying to sneak glances at them scored him big points with Kate. She returned her attention to the TV as the movie began.

As the movie progressed, Alex could feel herself getting tired and based on Kate's breathing, the brunette was either very relaxed or she was asleep. She whispered, **"Babe?"**

When there was no response from Kate, Castle risked a glance over at them and he smiled when he saw Kate curled up against Alex's chest, fast asleep. He caught Alex's eye and mimed that Kate was asleep.

Alex nodded and gently shook her, **"Honey, wake up... Kate...?"**

Slowly Kate began to wake up, **"Mmm...what? What's going on?"**She was sleepy and groggy and, to Castle, she looked adorable.

**"You fell asleep. Why don't we go to bed, ok? It's late."**

Kate looked around, getting her bearings, **"Yeah...yeah let's go."**She slowly stood up and stretched out her back before she turned to Alex with her hand held out.

Alex took her hand and she smiled at Castle, **"Feel free to watch TV as long as you want and you have full access to the fridge. Good night, Rick."**

He smiled, **"Good night you two." **

Alex walked with Kate to their room and closed the door behind them. Kate woke up a little more on the walk to their bedroom and when the door closed behind them, she turned around and pressed Alex up against the door and leaned in to kiss her.

Alex smiled into the kiss and put her hands on the small of Kate's back, holding her close.

Kate leaned closer to Alex, deepening the kiss. When she pulled back, Kate smiled, **"Baby, as much as I want to make love right now, I don't feel comfortable doing it with Castle in my living room, is that ok?"**Kate hoped Alex would understand.

**"Of course, honey. I wouldn't feel comfortable either. We'll make love tomorrow night. I'm sure by then this will all be over with and we can just enjoy each other,"**she said with a loving smile.

Kate smiled back, **"That sounds great baby. I'll feel much better once we have this guy in custody."** Kate paused and she ran her hands down Alex's back to cup her ass. **"Until then, how about we fall asleep in each other's arms? I love falling asleep with your arms around me."**

**"That sounds perfect, sweetie. Why don't we change into our pajamas and go to sleep? It's been a long day for you,"**she said, kissing Kate on the nose.

Kate nodded and then went to get ready for bed. When she was in her pajamas, she walked over to the bookshelf where she had placed the statue Alex had given her. She looked at it for a few moments and gently ran her fingers over the face of the baby in the statue.

Alex watched her girlfriend and something tugged at her heart. She walked over and put her arms around Kate from behind, **"Thinking about our future baby?"**

Kate nodded as she leaned back into Alex's embrace. **"Yeah...it's going to be great. You, me, and our child...our family."**Kate was whispering, as if the moment was too fragile for regular voices.

Alex kissed her neck, **"It's going to come sooner than you think, Kate, I promise."**

Kate smiled as she thought about the ring that she had ordered for Alex. **"I know baby, I know. Now come on, let's go to bed."**Kate turned towards the bed, leading Alex by the hand.

Alex got under the covers with Kate and held her from behind. She kissed her neck gently and whispered, **"I love you, Kate."**

Kate held Alex's arms around her as she snuggled into her lover's arms. **"I love you too baby, good night."**

* * *

><p>The next morning, Alex woke up and was shocked to find Kate still in her arms. She could smell food and if it wasn't Kate, then that meant that Castle was in there making breakfast. She gently shook Kate awake, <strong>"Kate..."<strong>

Kate opened her eyes and smiled. She could smell food cooking...but then she turned to look at Alex and frowned, **"Alex? If you're here then...oh God, Castle's cooking?"**Kate jumped out of bed and ran out of the room.

When she got to the kitchen she saw Castle at the stove flipping pancakes. **"You're still here. And you're making pancakes." **

**"Indeed I am. Do you want coffee, juice, milk, or maybe a mimosa?"**he asked as he flipped a pancake into the air.

Alex walked into the kitchen after Kate, her hair smoothed down and her pajamas perfectly in place after a quick look in the mirror. **"You didn't have to cook..."**

Castle smiled at Alex, **"Oh, I don't mind, besides, pancakes are easy."** He suddenly remembered, **"Whoops, I forgot to bring in the paper."** He started walking to the door. Kate called after him that they didn't have time for the paper because they had a body to find, but Castle opened the door anyway and there it was. The missing body that they'd been looking for the night before. Castle jumped, **"Whoa!"**

Alex jumped back, supporting herself on the counter when she saw the body. It wasn't her first by far, but still, the shock of it was enough to make her heart race. **"Oh God..."**

Kate went over to Alex and wrapped an arm around her shoulder for support.

Castle looked up at them and said, **"Looks like it found you."**

Alex looked at her girlfriend, **"We'd better call Ryan and Esposito..."**

Kate nodded as she went to the phone and dialed Ryan's cell. After a brief conversation, Kate hung up the phone and went to sit down on the couch.

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes later Ryan and Esposito walked into the apartment and found Alex comforting Kate while Castle was standing watch nearby.<p>

Ryan took one look around the room and his gutter mind instantly kicked in. Before long he was making up scenarios in his head that included threesomes with Castle, Beckett, and Alex, while the crime scene techs, led by Jordan Shaw, were processing the scene. When he snapped back to reality, he walked over to Kate and Alex to take their statements, **"So, Beckett, what happened here?"**

Alex studied the way that Ryan was looking at Kate and she rolled her eyes, **"Get your mind out of the gutter, Ryan."**

Ryan turned what he hoped were innocent eyes to Alex, **"What did I say?"**

**"It's not what you said, but the way you said it. I know what you're thinking."**

**"Oh really? You're a mind reader now Alex?"**Ryan asked, defensively.

**"I'm a woman and you're a man walking into a room with me, another woman, and a man sitting here. It doesn't take a genius to know what you're picturing."**

Ryan blushed and turned to Beckett, **"Anyway...what happened?"**

Kate decided to ignore the fact that Ryan had changed the subject and she said, **"Well we'd just gotten up. Castle had just finished making breakfast and he went to the door to get the paper. He opened the door and the body fell backwards into the apartment. That's when I called you."**

Ryan wrote it down on his pad and then asked, **"What did he make?"**

Kate looked confused for a moment but then said, **"Um, pancakes. Why does that matter?"**

Ryan grinned at Castle, **"You made them pancakes?"**

**"Yeah...so? It's just breakfast."**Castle said, knowing where Ryan, and soon Esposito, would be going with this, though he desperately didn't want them to.

**"Oh come on man..."** Then he turned to Esposito, **"Dude, would a guy make pancakes for chicks if they hadn't..." **

Alex was ready to punch him if he continued, **"I'd stop right there if I were you..."**

Ryan closed his mouth and turned to face Alex, his face going red, **"Sorry, I'll...uh...be over there."**He motioned across the room to where Shaw was standing over the body and then walked away.

Kate nudged Alex and grinned when she turned to face her, whispering, **"Thanks."**If Alex hadn't said something Kate would've and she wouldn't have been as subtle as Alex had been.

**"They can get away with a lot, but not that. What makes it worse is that there's a freaking dead body on your doorstep and they're concerned about what happened last night, or rather what didn't happen."**

Kate just shook her head, **"They're guys, honey, what did you expect?"** Kate kissed Alex's cheek then said, **"I'm going to see what Shaw has to say about...this, ok? Why don't you go get dressed, I'll make sure no one goes near the bedroom."**

**"Get dressed? I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here with you."**

Kate lowered her voice as she moved closer to Alex's ear, **"And you're more than welcome to, but I don't want the whole precinct to be seeing you in your robe...that's for my eyes only, so can you please just...for me, get dressed?"**Kate had been able to focus on the investigation at first but now that the big excitement was over, she was noticing that Alex was wearing a robe over her nightshirt and she caught more than one of the crime scene guys eyeing her girlfriend. Before she went all "caveman" on them, she hoped to Alex would go and get dressed.

Alex nodded, **"Ok, ok. I'll be right back."**She went to their bedroom to get cleaned up, but while she was getting undressed, she noticed her phone flashing and went over to check her messages. She had a missed call from her office that her court date had been moved up to 10, which meant she had an hour to get there. She cursed under her breath and decided she'd better get ready for court even though she wanted to stay here with Kate.

Kate walked over to where they body had fallen and crouched down next to Shaw, **"Hey."**

Jordan looked over at Beckett then smirked, **"She's cute. Your girlfriend I mean. If it wasn't for her I'd ask you if you still wanted to stick to your 'Castle and me are just co workers' party line."**

**"Yeah well...the book and his little crush on me don't really help, but that's my cross to bear. Any insights about what happened here?"**Kate asked, motioning to the space where the body had been.

Jordan sobered and sighed, **"Well, now we know why he took the body." **

Kate nodded, **"'I know where you live.' This was a threat." **

Jordan began profiling, **"More than that. This is his way of saying he's disappointed in you. In his mind, he warned you he would kill again. You didn't stop him. He's saying this one is on you." **

Alex was dressed and made up for work. She walked up to where Kate was standing with Jordan and said, **"Honey, I'm sorry to do this, but I have to get to court. Will you be ok?"**

Kate turned to Alex, **"Um, yeah, I'll be fine. Go to work...judges don't like when the lawyers are late."**Kate grinned.

**"Especially this one...we have...history. I'll call you later to check in, ok? I love you,"**she said, leaning in to kiss Kate's lips.

**"Ok, babe, love you too."** Kate watched as Alex left then she turned to Jordan who had a smirk on her face, **"What?"**

**"You two are completely adorable. It's clear to me that there really is nothing between you and Castle."**

Kate blushed lightly, **"Yeah...thanks...um, so what do we do now?"**Kate was still a little flustered.

**"We should get down to the precinct. My guys will have sent everything to the lab and I want to know more about our DB. Do you need a ride?"**

**"Um, I should probably get dressed first, so I can grab a cab unless you're willing to wait."**Kate said.

**"I can wait. Go do what you have to do and I'll call my partner to see where things are at."**

Kate smiled, **"Ok, I'll only be a few minutes."**She walked off towards her bedroom.

Castle walked up next to Jordan. **"Why are you grinning like that Agent Shaw?"**Castle was worried that despite having a husband and a kid, Shaw might be eyeing Kate in a less than platonic way.

**"It's nothing. I just...I can understand why Ms. Cabot loves her so much, she's a great woman."**

Castle thought back to the night before and he remembered how Alex had held Kate throughout the movie and how cute they were together when they walked into the bedroom. He smiled, **"Yeah, they're great together."**

Shaw nodded and then asked, **"Are you tagging along with us?"**

**"Yes. I'm not leaving Beckett's side until we catch this guy. It's my fault he's fixated on her because of Nikki Heat, so I'm not going to leave her alone, until this guy is no longer a threat."**

Shaw studied him, **"Do you really blame yourself for what's happening?"**

**"Yes, I do. I mean, objectively speaking I know this guy would still be killing, he'd just have a different reason for it. I blame myself for giving him Kate, or rather Nikki Heat, as a reason. He wouldn't be targeting and taunting Kate if I hadn't created Nikki."**Castle said, in a somber tone. His guilt was something he wouldn't be able to rid himself of easily.

**"I know you want to find a reason to make this easier to digest and protect Kate, but...if it wasn't her, it'd be someone else, someone who might not be as well equipped to handle this and Kate has a lot of people who care. Once we bring this guy down, things will go back to normal for her, for you."**

Castle nodded, but before he could say anything, Kate came out of the bedroom dressed in a black pin-stripped blouse and black slacks. She had her black coat in her hands and was about to put it on when she noticed their very serious faces, **"What's going on now?"**

**"Nothing,"** Castle said with a shake of his head. **"Are you ready?"**

Kate looked from Jordan to Castle and back again before she shook it off, **"Ok, yeah, let's go."**

TBC...


	22. Tick, Tick, Tick Boom

**Chapter 22: Tick, Tick, Tick...Boom!**

Kate and Castle went to the morgue while Shaw and her team followed up on the evidence from Kate's apartment.

Lanie was standing at a side table with the bullets from the third victim laid out under the magnifying glass so she could show them to Kate and Castle. She glanced up at them as they walked in and she couldn't help but tease them, **"Hey, I heard you were making pancakes when the body dropped."**

**"Alex was there too and nothing happened,"**Kate said, not in the mood to be teased about it yet again.

Lanie just looked at her for a moment then turned to the table again, **"Well we got letters on the slugs, again. B-U-R-"**

**"Burn. 'Nikki will burn.'"**Kate said, figuring out the message.

Castle felt his guilt get a little bit heavier, **"Well, that's chilling."**

**"Our victim's prints aren't in the system, do you have anything that can ID her?"**Kate asked as she looked over at their Jane Doe.

**"Well, I found formaldehyde on the body, and not just a trace amount. This much suggests that she worked with it."** Lanie explained. **"I also found traces of clay, polyurethane, and animal blood. I don't know who she is but I can tell you what she does."**

Before Lanie could say more, Kate and Castle both came to the same conclusion and said, at the same time, **"She's a taxidermist."**

Lanie grinned, **"It is so cute the way you two do that." **

Kate ignored it, but Castle grinned, **"Well we better take this to Shaw, see if she can make sense of it."**

Kate thanked Lanie and then they left the morgue to return to the squad room. They met with Shaw and filled her in on the information that Lanie had given them, the two women going back and forth as they shared ideas. Castle watched silently and was pleased to see them getting along.

Suddenly, Esposito came into the room with the victim's real name, **"Yo, got an ID on our third vic. Her name's Sandra Keller. She works at a taxidermy shop downtown."**Esposito began erasing "Jane Doe" from the white board and filled in the name Sandra Keller.

**"Any connection between her and our killer?"**Kate asked, hopeful now that they knew who the victim was.

Ryan explained that the vic had had an altercation with a customer who'd brought in his dog, Mr. Bumpkins, to be preserved and the guy closely resembled the man from the police sketch.

**"He paid half upfront to get his dog stuffed, but when he came back to pick him up, he didn't have the rest of the fee."**Esposito chimed in, helping the story along.

**"When Sandra refused to give up stuffed Bumpkins, the guy went ballistic and stormed out of the store. Two nights later, they had a break-in. Among the things that went missing were this guy's stuffed dog and a bunch of embalming fluid."**

**"That explains why we found traces of it at the murder scenes."** Jordan said. **"My agents interviewed all of Michelle Lewis's dog-walking clients."** Michelle Lewis was the second victim. **"One couple had to put their Rottweiler down because Michelle lost control of it and it killed another dog."**

**"Mr. Bumpkins,"** Castle deduced. **"So, grief-stricken, our killer blames Michelle and Sandra for the loss of his best friend and decides to get revenge."**It sounded like a plot for one of his books rather than a real life occurrence.

Kate didn't buy it, **"All this because of a dog? What does this have to do with Nikki Heat?"**

**"The dog was a trigger. Maybe he was reading the book when the dog was killed, when he snapped he somehow blamed Nikki for it."**Jordan explained, profiling again.

As always, Kate was skeptical, **"It seems a little absurd."**

**"You must be a cat lover,"** Jordan joked. **"Detective, he's looking for a reason to kill. This is it."**

The detective's started to look for a clue that would give them this guy's name and they found it thanks to the first victim, Alex Peterman. Peterman was a personal injury lawyer and the killer had met with him to talk about filing a lawsuit over the dog's death. Peterman declined the case, but the killer's name was still in his files: Ben Conrad. There was no doubt that this was their guy.

**"What do you have on Conrad?"**Kate asked, eager to get this guy and put him behind bars.

Avery looked Conrad up and got his photo from the DMV database. Avery then transferred the photo to the SmartBoard so that Shaw could overlay the police sketch over the DMV photo...it was a perfect match.

**"Got you, you son of a bitch."**Jordan said, happy to finally have a name and a face.

She turned to the rest of the people in the room, including Beckett and Castle and said, **"Let's go get this guy."**

They all filed out, heading to the SUVs.

* * *

><p>When they pulled up to Conrad's building, they all got out and Shaw turned to Kate, <strong>"You can put your gun away Detective, you're both staying here."<strong>

Castle began to protest, but Kate knew it was the right thing to do. **"No, Agent Shaw's right. I'm his target. I can't compromise your team by walking into the line of fire."**

Castle couldn't believe she was just going to step aside, but he knew that tone in her voice; her mind was made up.

Jordan was thankful that Kate understood, **"We'll take him down but it'll still be your collar, ok?"**

Kate nodded and watched as Jordan walked away to join the team, but then her phone rang. It was the Captain calling to let her know that Conrad was calling to speak to her. She told Montgomery to put the call through.

**"Oh you think you're so smart, don't you Nikki? You think, what, just because you found me that you won?"**

Kate took the phone away from her ear and turned to Castle, **"He knows we're here."** She lifted the phone again, **"It's over Ben. Time to give up."**

Kate walked to the corner and looked up, right at Conrad's window, and saw him standing there with the phone in his right hand, a gun in his left. He was angry now, **"No, it is not over!"**

The FBI team began to surround the apartment door while he was on the phone with Kate. The detective tried to get him to surrender, **"Ben listen to me, you're surrounded. I need you to put down the gun."**

**"You know I can't do that Nikki." **

**"Ben I need you to step out of your apartment with your hands raised."**

**"That's not our game. One of us has to die."**He was strangely calm now.

**"No one has to die."**

**"Somebody always has to die!"** he exclaimed. It was clear that he was deeply delusional. **"And since it can't be you..."**He stepped out of the window and Kate heard the gunshot echo through the phone.

Shaw's team was right outside the door when they heard the gunshot, so they kicked the door in and charged the room. They found Ben Conrad dead on the floor with the gun in his right hand. He'd shot himself in the head and the blood was beginning to pool on the hardwood floor.

It didn't take long for Shaw's team to clear the apartment and they called the crime scene techs in to process the scene. Castle and Beckett joined Shaw upstairs once the scene was secured.

Shaw told them the gun was a .45, which was the same caliber that was used on the first three victims. They'd still need ballistics to make the final match, but it was a pretty sure bet that this was the gun used for each of the murders. Castle suggested it might be the gun Conrad was planning to use to kill Kate, but Shaw had another theory.

She walked them over to Conrad's worktable, which was littered with wires, cell phone components, and pieces of pipe, and she explained, **"He was planning something a little more spectacular."**

Kate concluded that he was making a detonator and she breathed a sigh of relief that they'd stopped him before he could do any more damage.

Amongst the workings, Shaw found was an opened cell phone that was connected to a bottle of semi-clear liquid with wires.** "It looks like he was extracting the formaldehyde from the embalming fluid to make cyclonite, a near military-grade explosive."**She then picked up one of the phones on the table that wasn't connected to anything and pressed a button. Suddenly, a man's voice repeated the phrase "Goodbye, Nikki" twice and Kate swallowed hard.

**"Well when you profiled him, you said he was probably an arsonist."**Castle said, trying to make sense of the stuff on the table.

**"I also said he liked to make a big scene,"** Shaw added as she pointed to something on the wall above the table. **"Schematics of the precinct. He was planning on killing you and taking the whole station with you."**

**"'Nikki will burn,'"** Castle quoted. **"I can see the poetry in that."** After he noticed the look Kate was giving him, he amended, **"The terrible, homicidal poetry."**

There was still one thing bugging Shaw though, **"I never would've figured him as the suicidal type, but I guess once we found him, it was the only way he could control the situation."**

Kate smiled, **"Well, at least he saved us and Alex the trouble of a trial."**

**"And the best news is, I'm out of your hair,"**Jordan said, half jokingly. She knew that they had gotten off to a rocky start, but she was happy that they had put that behind them.

Kate didn't agree, **"No, the best news is that it's over."**Kate was looking forward to some normalcy like her nice, quiet murder cases where she was more or less in control. She was looking forward to being able to spend her nights with Alex rather than working around the clock to catch a psycho.

Once the CSUs had processed the scene and sealed it up, Kate, Shaw and Castle left Conrad's apartment to go back to the station. Kate took care of a couple of loose ends before she caught a cab home and when she walked into her apartment, she took a moment to rest on the couch.

She reached for her phone and called Alex, but the blonde told her that she would be working late, so Kate decided to take a quick shower and then head to the loft to wait for her to come home.

Kate went into the bathroom, took off her clothes, and stepped into her shower, closing her eyes when the hot water hit her skin and relaxed her muscles.

* * *

><p>Castle had gone home as well, but he was far from relaxed. In fact, he was sitting downstairs with the case file that he'd "borrowed" from the precinct as he tried to figure out what it was that was nagging at him.<p>

Alexis came down the stairs in her pajamas to see why her dad was still awake.

**"Hey, I thought you went to bed an hour ago,"**he said as he studied the photos that were spread out on the coffee table.

Alexis frowned, **"I couldn't sleep."** She looked at the pictures on the table and the folder in her dad's hand and said, **"I thought the case was over."**

**"It is. Wrapped up all nice and neat."**Castle said a little distractedly as he continued to look for anything he might've missed.

Alexis was confused, **"That's a good thing, right?"**

**"In a book, that's a good thing. In real life, nothing is that neat."** Suddenly he realized that that was the reason he was so bothered by all of this. It had been too easy. Now that he had part of his solution, he turned to his daughter and realized that she must have something on her mind that was keeping her from falling asleep. **"What's got you still up?" **

**"Gram. I can't believe she's leaving tomorrow."** Alexis was saddened by the idea of her grandmother moving out, **"I mean, yeah, when she first moved in, I couldn't imagine having her around all the time. But now, I can't imagine her being gone."**

Castle sympathized with his daughter. He was going to miss having his mom around too, but he took heart in the fact that she would be back. **"Listen, it's a fact of life that the people we love leave us."** He paused and then tried to inject some levity into the moment, **"Unless you chain them to a radiator, which for some reason, is illegal."** Of course that got the desired chuckle from Alexis and he continued, **"But uh, knowing her, she'll be back in six months."**

Alexis smiled at that, knowing that it was probably true.

Just then, Martha came down the stairs and she was glad to see that they were still awake. She asked Alexis to help her pick out what clothes she should take with her, so they went upstairs and Martha called over her shoulder, **"Richard, could you give us a hand with my bags?"**

He nodded and then it hit him, the thing he'd missed. He went searching through the photos and both his mom and Alexis asked him what he was looking for. He held up a picture of the bruising on the second victim, **"The bruising pattern on the second victim, the killer used his left hand."** Alexis stood next to him to see where he was going with this. She loved the way his mind worked. He then held up a picture of the numbers they'd found on the bandage, **"And see his handwriting? Look at the slope on the four and the loop on the six."**

By this time Martha had joined them, also curious, **"Yeah, so he's left handed."**

Castle nodded, getting surer of his theory, **"Ben Conrad shot himself with his right hand."** He held up the photo of the dead killer. **"If the man in the window was Ben Conrad, he would've shot himself on the left side. Ben Conrad didn't kill himself. Ben Conrad was murdered by the man in the window. Ben's not our killer. The real killer was just playing with us."**

**"But the evidence..."**

**"No, it was planted there to lead us to Ben. He wants us to think it's over. He wants us to drop our guard. He wants to make a big scene."** Suddenly, he remembered the killer's message again, **"'Nikki will burn.' Beckett." **

He got up from his chair and grabbed his phone to call Beckett's cell, but he didn't get an answer. **"She's not picking up. Call the precinct. Tell them to get over there right away. Tell them that the killer is still alive,"**he told his mother as he grabbed his coat, left the apartment, and ran downstairs to hail a cab.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Kate was still in the shower taking her time, enjoying the heat of the water as it soothed her aching muscles. She couldn't hear her cell phone ringing in the living room.<p>

When the water started to run cold, she turned the water off and poked her head out of the shower to grab a towel. That was when she heard her phone ringing. She wrapped the towel loosely around her body and walked into the living room to answer her phone, but when she saw it was Castle calling, she sighed. She wasn't really in the mood for his humor, but she answered it anyway, **"What Castle?"**

Castle had gotten out of his cab and was running towards Kate's building. He screamed into the phone, **"It wasn't Ben Conrad! He's not the killer! The killer's still alive!"**

The words sank in just as she heard a beeping coming from the bookshelves near the door. She heard that same message from before: **"Goodbye, Nikki. Goodbye, Nikki." **

Thinking fast, Kate ran back to her bathroom and jumped into her old-fashioned, cast iron, claw-foot tub and curled into a ball just as the apartment exploded around her. She felt the heat from the flames surrounding her and she was once again grateful that she had kept her old-fashioned tub. After a few minutes, the flames began to burn themselves out she slowly uncurled, mindful of the many new bruises she would have tomorrow. Her knees and legs took the brunt of the impact but thankfully nothing was broken.

Just as she stretched out, she heard a crash and then Castle called out for her. She began coughing from the smoke and Castle knew she was in the bathroom. As he ran in, he found her in the tub and he felt a deep sense of relief to know that she was still alive, **"Kate. You're alive! And you're naked." **

Kate had her back to him, **"Castle, turn around!"**She really didn't want him to see her naked firstly because it would only fuel his crush and possibly provide more images for his fantasies about her and Alex together, but second, she'd promised Alex that no one else would ever see her naked again and although it was silly to think of that now, she wanted to keep her promise.

Castle pointed out, **"You know, your apartment is on fire, now might not be the best time for modesty."**

Kate managed to sit up in the tub, her back still to Castle even though he'd already turned around like she'd asked. **"Castle, hand me a towel."**

**"The towels are on fire."**

**"Well what about the bathrobe?"**

It was also on fire. **"Do you have anything to wear that isn't flammable?"**

Kate didn't like feeling this vulnerable, **"Give me your jacket."**

Castle took off his long overcoat and held it out to Beckett, turning away so he wouldn't see anything as she stood up and slipped it on. Once she was covered up, she let him know it was ok to look, so he turned around and helped her out of the tub.

**"I dove into the tub just as the bomb exploded,"**she explained.

**"Yeah, my legs are just a little banged up."**Kate took slow steps, leaning on Castle for help.

**"Are you in any pain?" **

**"Well not nearly as much as you. It's killing you isn't it?"**Kate asked.

**"What?"**he asked, obviously confused.

**"Having to wait this long to tell me how you banged down the door,"**Kate said with a grin. She needed to find something humorous about what had happened or else she feared that she might crumble and that wasn't an option.

He decided to humor her because there was a part of him that was dying to recount his heroic moment. **"Want me to start at the beginning?"**

Kate just nodded and then Castle launched into his own version of how he'd knocked the door down like a modern day Hercules. By the time they made it to the street, the fire trucks had already arrived and the EMTs were waiting to check her out. Castle started to walk Kate over to the ambulance, but Captain Montgomery intercepted them and handed Kate a bundle of NYPD sweats and a windbreaker. She didn't know how her Captain had known, but she was grateful and she thanked him as she took the clothes.

She approached the ambulance and asked for some privacy so that she could get dressed. She stepped out of the ambulance a few minutes later and was about to make her escape when Castle stopped her, turned her around, and made her go back to get checked out.

TBC...


	23. After the Boom

**Chapter 23: After the Boom!**

Just before Castle handed her over to the paramedics to be checked out, she turned to him and said, **"Can I borrow your phone?" **

He looked confused, **"Why?" **

**"I need to call Alex and tell her what happened before she sees it on the news or something."**

**"Oh, right, ok here."**He handed her his phone and then watched as she climbed into the back of the ambulance.

Her left wrist was throbbing so she held it out for the EMT to look at and bandage up and dialed Alex's number with her right hand. She was just about to bring the phone to her ear when she noticed that Alex's name was programmed into Castle's phone and she smiled as she waited for the call to connect.

Alex was in her office when her phone rang. When she picked it up and saw Castle's name, she immediately worried that something bad had happened to Kate and her heart was racing when she answered, **"Castle, what's wrong?"**

Kate smiled, **"It's not Castle, baby, it's me. Um, are you still at work?" **

**"Yeah, I was just finishing up some things for tomorrow. Why are you calling from Castle's phone?"**

Kate winced as the paramedic tightened the bandage on her wrist, **"Um...I forgot mine at my place so I borrowed his. Listen, honey, remember when I told you that we got the guy? Well...I was wrong. It's a long story that I will be happy to tell you later at your place, but for right now you should know that a bomb went off about 40 minutes ago and destroyed my place. I'm ok, don't worry."**Kate paused and got worried when there was silence on the other end,

**"Alex? Honey you still there?"**Kate worried maybe the call had dropped or something.

Alex was trying to absorb what Kate had just said, but when she heard the word bomb, she thought she was going to faint. Kate's words were still echoing through her mind, but somehow she found her voice, **"Where are you?"**

Kate was relieved to hear that Alex was still with her, **"Right now I'm outside of my building getting checked out by the paramedics."**

Alex let out a shuddering breath, **"I'm on my way. Where are they taking you? Which hospital?"**

Kate closed her eyes, **"I'm not going to the hospital because I don't need to. I only sprained my wrist. I'm fine. Alex, really I'm fine. You don't have to come down here. Just, please, please go to your place and wait for me there, ok?"**

**"Kate, I"** She exhaled, **"Fine, but I want the whole story when you get there."**

Kate smiled, **"I promise to tell you everything when I see you. Thank you and I'll see you soon."**Kate was glad that Alex wasn't going to fight her on this. She needed to focus on catching this guy for real now.

Alex hung up and grabbed her things before she went downstairs. She had called the car service to pick her up and she asked the driver to take her to her loft so that she could wait for Kate. She arrived about 30 minutes later and once she got inside, she bolted the door. She just wanted for Kate to get there so that she could make sure for herself that she was ok.

Kate hung up the phone just as Agent Shaw walked up to the ambulance, **"Beckett, how you doing?" **

Kate looked at her with a look that said, _"I just got blown up, how do you think I'm doing?"_ but instead she said, **"I'm fine." **

**"What'd you see when you came home?"**Shaw hated having to be so distant but she needed to get the information while it was still fresh.

"The doors were locked, like I left them, the windows were shut. Nothing seemed out of place, but I didn't double check anything because I thought the case was done."

**"It's not, but until we find the right guy, you're done with this case." **

**"Wait, no. This is my apartment, my life, and my case. I am staying on this." **

**"I think she's right Kate,"** Castle agreed. **"This guy isn't going to stop until you're dead and none of us want that, especially not Alex."**

Kate turned to Castle, **"No. You do not get to use Alex against me. I am staying on this case and getting this guy."**She shifted her attention to Shaw to make her point.

Jordan sighed, **"Fine, but my rules. You do what I say, when I say, and how I say it. And there will be a security detail on you at all times. I'm not going to be the one who has to tell Ms. Cabot that something happened to you on my watch, got it?" **

Kate nodded, **"Fine." **

**"Good."**Shaw wasn't pleased, but she was convinced that Kate would follow orders, if not for herself then definitely for her girlfriend.

Montgomery approached the three of them and announced, **"The fire's out, you can head up now if you want."**

Castle looked at her, **"Do you want me to come with you?"**

Kate nodded, **"Thanks Castle. Let's go." **

Shaw placed her hand on Castle's shoulder just before he followed Beckett and said, **"Don't touch anything unless you're told to and wear gloves, ok?" **

**"Yes, ma'am."** He followed Kate up to what remained of her apartment and stayed a few steps behind her. **"Anything in particular you're looking for?"**

Kate leaned close to him and said in a low voice, **"My father's watch and my mother's ring."**Kate didn't want to mention anything else. It was on her and only her to see if the statue that Alex had given her had survived the blast.

Castle nodded as he started looking for the items he knew meant so much to Kate. Meanwhile, the other detectives and agents were combing the rubble for any recoverable evidence.

Kate carefully stepped through the remains of her living room and bent down when she saw something glittering in the ruins. She reached out and carefully lifted the chain that held her mother's ring, a smile spreading across her face. It was in that moment she remembered how thankful she was that she hadn't taken off the ring Alex had given her when she went to take her shower. It rested on her finger now as she carefully closed her fingers over the necklace.

She stood up and saw Castle coming towards her, **"Did you find the watch?"**

**"It's not in the hall,"**Castle said as he walked into what used to be Kate's living room.

Esposito stated the obvious, **"Your clothes smell like smoke and explosives, but your bedroom only took minimal damage."**

As they were talking, Jordan pulled something from the ash, **"I've got the blast seat here."**

Kate went over to Jordan and the Agent explained that the lab would have better results, but she did find a small amount of cyclonite on the seat, the same chemical that Ben Conrad had been manufacturing in his apartment.

Jordan looked at Kate, **"What tipped you off?" **

Kate turned to look at Castle, **"It wasn't me. It was Castle." **

Shaw looked at the writer with curiosity, **"How did you know?"**

**"Well, there was something that kept bothering me about Conrad's death and that's when it hit me. When we found Conrad dead in his apartment, the gun was in his right hand, but when Kate and I saw him in the window, he was holding the gun in his left. If that man was really the killer, he would've shot himself with the other hand."**

Jordan nodded and couldn't believe that she'd overlooked something so obvious.

**"If Conrad didn't kill himself, then that means our real killer had to have been in the apartment with him."**Kate concluded.

**"Yeah, but we were standing outside of the doorway the entire time and you would've seen him trying to escape out the window. There weren't any other ways out of that apartment."**Jordan said, pointing out that things just didn't add up.

**"Then that means he was in the apartment the whole time while we were processing the scene,"**Kate said with a heavy sigh. He had been right under their noses and they still couldn't catch him.

**"How the hell did we miss him?"**Jordan asked, a little ticked that this guy seemed smarter than she'd given him credit for.

**"Let's go find out,"**Castle suggested.

Kate looked at them for a second and said, **"There's just one thing I have to do. It'll only take a moment."** She quickly went to her bedroom without hesitation made for the bookcase to look for the statue that Alex's had given her for Christmas. She sighed with relief when she found it on the floor near the base of the bookcase perfectly intact. She picked it up and held it in her hands for a few moments, tears coming to her eyes as she silently offered thanks that it had been kept safe from the blast. She let out a deep breath and then noticed that Castle was standing beside her. She looked up at him and smiled, **"It's not broken."**

**"It's tough, like you,"** he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. **"You should take it over to Alex's and keep it there until you figure out what's going to happen next...and speaking of Alex, she's probably climbing the walls waiting for you. Do you want me to take you over?"**

Kate stood up, **"No, let's go to Conrad's and catch this guy. I'll just leave this in the trunk of my car until I can get to Alex's."**She began walking to the door, but she was so focused on catching the real killer that she didn't realize she'd slipped up and mentioned the car that Alex had given her. She hadn't bothered to mention it to anyone down at the station since she never drove it to work and besides, she didn't need the guys giving her grief.

**"Your car?"** he asked with a confused look. **"What car would this be because I'm guessing you wouldn't leave it in the trunk of your squad car."**

Kate stopped walking and winced before she turned to face him, **"Um, right, well...Alex kind of bought me a car for Christmas."**

His face lit up, **"Seriously? That is so cool! Can I see it? I'll walk you down so that you can put that in the trunk. Please, please, please?"**

Kate sighed because she knew he wasn't going to let it go. She figured it would be easier to just give in, so she did, **"Fine, come on." **

He nearly hopped when he took his first step and followed Kate down to the garage. He was glued to her side as he looked at the row of cars and tried to guess which one was Kate's.

Kate smirked as she watched Castle trying to guess which car was hers and she decided to play a little game with him,** "You only get one guess Castle, so make it good."**After all, they still had to get to Conrad's apartment to try and catch the killer.

Castle thought about Alex's taste and what she'd buy for her tough girl girlfriend. He ruled out everything except luxury cars and sports cars and of those, he took out anything light in color, like white, gold, and silver. Then, he went further, taking out any weird colors like orange and yellow and had it down to three cars: a black Audi, a red Corvette, and a blue Infiniti. He sucked in some air and said, **"The Audi..."**

Kate held on to her poker face and asked, **"The Audi? Is that your final answer?"**

**"Final answer. Am I right?"**he asked, eager to know.

Kate remained stone faced for a moment as she let him think he was wrong. She began to walk over to the blue Infiniti that just happened to be parked next to her Audi. She walked between the cars, the Infiniti's passenger door on her left and the Audi's driver door on her right. She turned to face Castle and grinned at the look on his face when she moved to stand closer to the Infiniti. **"Savor this moment Castle, it's the only time you'll hear me say this and mean it, you're right. It's the Audi."** With that, she turned to her car and pressed the button on her keychain to unlock the door. She slid inside and turned around to gently place the statue on the floor of the backseat. She rolled down the passenger side window and asked Castle, **"Well, you coming or not? Shaw's probably already at Conrad's apartment waiting for us."**

Castle grinned and rushed over to get into the car. He loved being right and in truth he had almost chosen the blue car, but something about the black one, namely the fact that it had a big back seat, tipped the scales for him.

Kate grinned as she watched Castle get into the car and then she said, **"Well looks like I'm about to break my own rule about not driving this car to work. Buckle up Castle."**Kate buckled up as well and after starting the car, she headed for the garage exit.

* * *

><p>They arrived at Conrad's apartment about 20 minutes later and found Shaw upstairs. Kate and Castle joined her and started looking around the apartment for any sign of the killer's hideout, but it was Kate that finally found a false panel in one of the closets. She called out to the others and removed the panel before venturing inside with Shaw and Castle.<p>

In the secret room they found remnants of the killer's disguise. Folded neatly on a chair was a pile of clothes that matched the ones that Conrad was wearing when he was killed and there was also a fake beard and mustache that the killer had worn to look just like his latest victim.

**"The killer wanted us to think he was Conrad. That's why the man that I saw in the window, the one from our eyewitness accounts, led us straight to Ben."**Kate said, as she looked around the small crawlspace.

**"Which means the real Ben Conrad was being held hostage in his own apartment the entire case,"**Shaw said, a hint of sympathy in her voice for what Conrad must've gone through.

As she continued her search of the room, Kate noticed what appeared to be duct tape on some pipes and she realized that Conrad must've been held hostage in that room with no idea that he was being blamed for three murders.

**"Each of our victims was carefully selected for their connection to Ben Conrad, making him the perfect patsy,"**Castle said as he shook his head.

Shaw agreed, **"Our killer is a chameleon, changing his appearance to get close to his victims. Once he becomes Ben Conrad, he becomes invisible. Nobody's looking for him."**

**"And then we come here and we find exactly what we expect to find: our suspect dead on the ground. Case closed,"**Castle finished.

Kate was crouched down near the floor looking for clues while Castle and Shaw worked out their theory of the crime. She joined in when they seemed to be done, **"Meanwhile, our killer was right here, hidden in this secret room. He was here the whole time and we missed him."**

Shaw pulled out her phone and was about to call her team to let them know what they'd found when she heard Beckett's cell phone start ringing. The detective pulled out her cell from her pocket and answered, **"Beckett."**

**"You are supposed to be dead."**The angry male voice on the other end of the line was the unmistakable voice of the killer and Beckett felt her blood run cold.

**"I'm sorry to disappoint you."**Kate said calmly, though her anger was boiling just below the surface. She put the call on speaker so Shaw and Castle could hear him too.

**"It was supposed to be over, Nikki. It was supposed to be done."** His anger was right out there for everyone to hear. **"But now, now I have to keep going."**Suddenly, there was the sound of a woman screaming, then gunshots...and then silence.

* * *

><p>Once it was all over, the three returned to the station and Shaw had Avery trace the call. The cell phone used to make the call had been discarded on the street corner where the killer had left his latest victim, an older woman that he'd run into on her way home from work.<p>

Kate examined the victim's wallet and said, **"He used her cell phone and then left it on so we could trace it. Gloria Rodriguez. It's her ID badge from a hotel in Midtown."**

While Kate was looking through the wallet, Shaw was examining the brick building behind the victim to look for the bullet that had gone through the victim. She located the slug and carefully extracted it, but unlike the other bullets they'd found during the course of the case, this one didn't have anything engraved on it.

**"The other murders were planned. This one was done out of anger, wanting to be in control."**Jordan profiled.

**"All because I lived,"**Kate said defeated.

**"You can't blame yourself for that."** Jordan said in an effort to comfort Kate. Then something occurred to her and looked at Kate with a puzzled expression on her face, **"How did he know you lived?"**

Kate thought about that, it was a good question. She realized that he must've been watching the aftermath of the explosion.

**"Everything about this guy's profile tells me he was watching at the other crime scenes,"**Shaw said as she thought about this new evidence.

**"Yeah but the first thing we did was compare crime scene photos. Nothing popped when we ran them through facial recognition,"**Kate said, pointing out the flaw in Jordan's profile.

**"What if he wasn't hiding in the crowd? This guy wants to prove how much smarter he is than the cops, so he'd hide somewhere we wouldn't think to look,"**Castle pointed out.

Jordan agreed, **"Right, the guy's a chameleon so he'd hide in plain sight."** Suddenly her eye caught Kate's windbreaker and that's when it hit her, **"We didn't see him in the crowd, because he was dressed as one of us."**

Kate nodded her head as she realized how easy it would be for the killer to blend into the chaos of a crime scene and said, **"Let's get back to the precinct, I want to look through those photos again."**

Shaw nodded and the three returned to the station house to look through the crime scene photos with new eyes. As Castle had predicted, their killer was dressed up like one of the other cops, but even with 30 photos of the guy, they still didn't have a clear shot of this face to run through facial recognition.

**"That is not a coincidence,"**Shaw said, pissed off and frustrated that this guy was still a step ahead of them.

**"Nope. This guy knew where the cameras were,"** Castle said agitatedly. **"It's obvious he knows the cops' playbook." **

Beckett suggested that Ryan and Esposito canvass the other uniforms for a sketch, but Shaw pointed out that the last time they had a sketch it led them to Ben Conrad.

**"Ok,"** Kate said, **"Do you have a better idea? Because I'm all out and if we don't catch him soon, he's going to kill again."**Kate's voice barely betrayed how close to tears her frustration and anger had her.

Jordan, unfortunately, noticed it and said, **"You can't take this personally."**

**"The hell I can't. He just blew up my apartment,"** Kate argued, too tired and angry to care that she was taking it out on someone who didn't deserve it. **"It's only by sheer luck that Alex wasn't there with me. I think that's pretty damn personal."**

**"We don't have any reason to think that Alex is even on this guy's radar, so she's safe, ok?"**Castle cut in, hoping to calm Kate down.

Shaw nodded then said, **"They caught the Son of Sam off of a parking ticket. All we need to find is our 'parking ticket' and we catch this son of a bitch. As smart as he is, he's got a fatal flaw: hubris. It's not enough for him to be smart. He wants us to know it. He wants us to know he fooled us."** Jordan began laying out her case, **"All of his first victims, the personal injury lawyer, the dog walker, the taxidermist, they all link back to the death of Ben Conrad's dog. How could our killer have known all the players in someone else's life?"**

Castle answered, **"He must've known Ben Conrad." **

Jordan smiled, that's where they would start. They would treat Ben Conrad as the first victim and go through his life to see where his path crossed with the killer's.

* * *

><p>Kate stayed at the precinct and called Alex. When Alex arrived, she approached her girlfriend's desk and set the duffle down on the ground and handed her the lunch bag. <strong>"I can't stay long, but why don't we go to the break room so that I can keep you company while you eat?"<strong>Alex posed, hoping that Kate would agree. She knew that when Kate was deeply involved in a case, she would often forget to eat and normally she would back off and let the detective do what she needed to do, but this wasn't any old case. This was big and Alex wanted to make sure that Kate was taking good care of herself so that she'd be focused and ready for action.

Kate loved that Alex was being so thoughtful and attentive and this take-charge attitude that the blonde had taken on was a bit of a turn on for the detective. She joined Alex in the break room and dutifully ate her lunch, the two making small talk as she did.

When Kate was finished, she walked Alex to the elevator and kissed her goodbye before heading in the direction of the crib to shower and change in private. She headed straight for the bathroom and locked the door before taking off her clothes and slipping into shower. The water felt good on her skin and soothed her achy muscles and as much as she wanted to stay in there, she knew she had other things to do, so she stepped out and dried off quickly.

She opened the duffle and inhaled deeply as the scent of fabric softener hit her nose, a smile spreading across her face. It was in that moment she realized how grateful she was that she had moved most of her clothes to Alex's loft where they had escaped the trauma of the explosion and were therefore free from the overpowering odor of smoke and explosives. As she left the crib to go back to work, she felt like a whole new woman and with renewed energy and strength. She was on her way down the stairs when she noticed Castle walking in with two coffees in his hands.

**"Hey."**

Castle turned when he heard Kate's voice. He smiled when he saw the new clothes, **"Hey, I see Alex brought you some smoke free clothes huh?"**

**"Yeah, she didn't have a lot of time to linger but she brought a sandwich and made sure I ate it."**Kate's wry grin indicated she wasn't as upset as her words might've sounded.

Castle grinned, **"You two are just so adorable together."** He looked around and noticed the quiet and asked, **"Where is everybody?"**

Kate walked to her desk as she informed him that Ryan and Esposito were out talking to Conrad's sister and Shaw was briefing the Mayor.

Castle handed Kate one of the coffees he was holding and said, **"Oh. I'm sure he'll be less than thrilled to learn that Conrad is just another victim. Nothing like the threat of being murdered by a serial killer to stifle tourism."**Castle's sarcasm was his way of distancing himself from something that was too real for him.

**"Yeah and it doesn't help that everyone in the city thinks we caught the guy."**

**"So, what have we found out about Ben Conrad?"**

They walked into the conference room where their old-fashioned murder board was set up and Kate ran it down for him, **"Thirty four years-old, never married..."**

Castle interrupted, **"I'm going out on a limb here and say, judging from his relationship with his dog, Mr. Bumpkins, he didn't have a girlfriend."**

Kate ignored his obvious conclusion and continued, **"Well other than the people we've already run down from the dog park, he doesn't even have any friends."**

**"The man stuffed his dog,"**Castle said like it was obvious from that statement alone that Conrad wouldn't have any friends.

Ryan and Esposito walked in just then and let Kate and Castle know that Conrad's sister had informed them that her brother had lost his job a couple of months earlier and he'd been spending his days emailing out resumes at coffee shops that offered free internet access.

Esposito added, **"And other than Bumpkins, his only other joy in life was the Knicks."**

Much to Kate's slight irritation, Castle began referencing Jordan, **"Jordan said the profile indicated the killer hunted Conrad. If he wasn't a friend, then he must've met up with him somewhere where people strike up a casual conversation."**

Kate began studying the photos of Conrad's apartment while Esposito threw out the theory that if Conrad camped out at the coffee shops with a laptop, the killer could've sat down next to him and started talking to him.

Kate suddenly saw what was wrong with the photos and she said, **"His sister said that he was a Knicks fan, right?"** The three men nodded. Kate pointed to all of the pictures of Conrad's apartment, **"What's missing from these pictures?"**

**"Good taste."**

**"Area rug."'**

**"Decent lighting."**

Kate sighed, **"A TV. Which means he would have to walk to a local bar to watch the games."** She paused a moment to work out a plan, **"Okay, you two take all the coffee shops within a five-block radius of Conrad's apartment, see if anyone remembers him talking to a customer. Castle and I will take the bars."** Kate walked to the door and as she passed Castle she said to him, **"And if you keep quoting Jordan, I am going to turn the radio way up."**

* * *

><p>Kate and Castle went from one bar to the next, but so far they hadn't found anyone who remembered Conrad. By the time they walked into the fifth bar, Castle was beginning to lose hope, but Beckett smiled and said, <strong>"Cheer up Castle. I've got a feeling this place is different."<strong>

As Kate walked towards the bar to talk to the bartender, Castle noticed a banner above the bar that read: _"Home of New York's Very Own Serial Killer Ben Conrad."_

**"I'm afraid that banner's going to have to come down. It's still an open investigation,"**Kate told the bartender.

**"I was just trying to work an angle,"**the woman said with a heavy sigh. She had hoped to drum up some business, but she didn't want any trouble with the police.

Kate nodded and then asked, **"Did Ben Conrad ever talk to you about the recent death of his dog?"**

**"Sure, he loved to flap his gums to me about that little drop-kick."**The bartender shook her head, smirking. She wasn't too fond of little dogs.

**"Well what about the other customers? He ever talk to them?"**

**"He mostly drank alone and watched the games."** She paused then she remembered, **"Though a couple of weeks ago he did strike it up with some guy."**

**"Can you describe him?"**

**"Average looking. A bit off, like Conrad. They sat at that high top over there,"** She pointed to the high tables near the wall. **"I figured, hey, birds of a feather."**

**"This other guy, did he ever pay with a credit card?"**Kate knew it was a long shot, but it was worth asking. After all, this could be their parking ticket.

The bartender told them the only time he ever said more than two words to her was when he asked her to call him a cab. She remembered it because the Knicks game had gone into overtime and she'd missed the final moments of the game while she was on hold with the cab company.

Kate thanked her and they left the bar to see if they could track down the cab company to ask the driver about where he'd taken the suspect that night.

* * *

><p>At the precinct, Kate hung up with the cab company and told Castle that the driver had dropped their guy off in the West Village on the corner of Varick and Downing, but even with that information, they didn't have much to go on. There were thousands of people who lived and worked near that corner and canvassing the area for an average looking white man wasn't going to get them very far.<p>

Just then, Shaw walked in with a folder and explained that a physical description wasn't the only way to identify him; they also had his behavior. Castle was a little skeptical about her methods, but he sat down to listen anyway.

**"Well, originally his behavior seemed inconsistent, but that was because he was pretending to be someone else. We know a lot more now."** She opened the folder and began explaining what she meant. **"He's a show off, a game player with an exceptionally high IQ, but it's not enough to be smart. He also has a pathological need to validate it, which tells me that he probably belongs to an organization like MENSA or Prometheus."** Jordan handed them a stapled packet of membership lists for both organizations and then went on, **"He is a chameleon, so we can assume he's living under a stolen identity."** She handed them a second packet, this one thinner than the previous one, with a list of names of local males that could've had their identity stolen by the killer. **"And he is literate. He has already shown certain dispositions in his fascination with Nikki Heat, so we've drawn up a list of periodicals and magazines that he likely subscribes to."**She handed Castle the final packet.

He looked it over and said, **"I get half the magazines on this list." **

Kate also expressed her concern, **"This is a pretty wide net."**

**"So is Varick and Downing and so are memberships in high-IQ societies, but put them all together and sometimes we get lucky,"**Jordan said confidently.

They moved into the war room where Avery was working on their information. He had the computers collating subscription information from the profiled periodicals as well as membership lists from high-IQ organizations within a one-mile radius of the Varick and Downing area.

Kate and Jordan looked at the SmartBoard screen, Kate watching in silent fascination. The data was streaming so fast she barely had time to read the words, but it didn't matter as long as they found the killer.

The search came up with 17 names and Avery ran them through the FBI's database to look for criminal records or any matches with public records.

**"Most serial killers have some kind of indication of violent behavior,"**Jordan explained as they waited for any criminal or psychiatric records to pop up on the screen. Unfortunately their search led them to a dead end and they were about to give up hope, when something finally came up and caught Avery's attention.

**"This one here, Chris Dougherty. He's got a recent driver's license, but according to his social security number, Chris Dougherty died six years ago,"**he announced, grateful to finally have something to go on.

Kate stepped closer to the board to study the DMV photo that was displayed on the screen and then she shifted her attention to the archived newspaper article that detailed the story of Dougherty's death, **"He's living under a stolen identity."**

**"So does it say where our dead guy supposedly lived?"**Shaw asked, not getting her hopes up until they had a solid answer.

**"His address puts him half a block from Downing and Varick."**

Kate was still looking at the SmartBoard when she heard Avery mention the address and she said, **"Ok, now I'm officially impressed."**

Jordan grinned, **"Don't be, not until we arrest the guy. Let's roll."**

* * *

><p>Jordan was giving orders as the tactical team busted down the door to Dougherty's apartment. They quickly swept the apartment, but found no signs of Dougherty inside, only a slew of typed pages suspended from a clothesline by clothespins, like so much laundry. The rear wall was covered with images of Kate, but the piece de resistance was a large collage that was pieced together from torn up <em>Heat Wave<em> covers that, when looked at from afar, created an image of Kate's face. It was a classic serial killer wall of death.

Kate stood there staring at the artwork, her mind overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the obsession that this man had succumbed to. Castle walked up next to her and studied it, as well. He could appreciate the work from a creative standpoint, but beyond that, he wanted to get his hands on this obsessive nut and rip him a new one for making his best friend suffer the way she had.

Castle glanced at Kate and saw the look on her face, the look that said she was blaming herself for this nut-bar's compulsions. He wished he could do something, but Kate was the stubborn type and no amount of reassuring would make her stop torturing herself. Just then, he looked down at the table under the collage and saw a copy of his book. He picked it up curiously, but what he saw when he opened the cover chilled him to the bone. The copy was autographed by Castle himself and he showed it to Kate, **"Hey, I signed this: 'To Scott. Write what you know.'"**

Jordan asked him if he remembered the man he'd signed it for, but Castle shook his head. He signed so many books that all the names and faces started to run together after a while. Then Castle saw what looked like a manuscript on the arm of the couch and he picked it up. The title on the front page read Dead Heat and Castle suddenly felt sick to his stomach.

Jordan walked over to take a closer look and asked, **"His manifesto?" **

Castle shook his head and spoke numbly, **"His manuscript."**

At that point, Kate joined them and read the title out loud, **"Dead Heat?"**

Castle opened the manuscript up and read from the passage that described how the case had begun with the bullets that rendered the first message. The killer had written the whole thing out as a book starring himself as the criminal mastermind that would finally defeat Nikki Heat.

**"A book. All this over a damn book."**Kate just couldn't believe how senseless all these murders had been, that so many lives had been lost just so this man could detail each aspect as written words on a page and give his life meaning.

While Kate was trying to take it all in, Jordan found a different manuscript and realized that this guy had been writing about his murders long before Nikki Heat. The one in her hands was called Night Terrors and it was about killing prostitutes in Seattle.

**"I remember that case,"** Castle said. **"They found the killer hanging in his apartment, an apparent suicide." **

**"Another patsy, just like Ben Conrad,"**Jordan said with a sigh. It seemed to be this guy's MO: find a puppet to pin the murders on and then go on a killing spree before killing the flunkey to make it look like the killer had committed suicide. Once the heat was off, he could move to another city, start all over again, and chronicle his exploits to create a brand-new novel.

Kate couldn't understand why he'd do that though, **"He gets away with murder, why write about it? Why risk it?"**

Jordan explained that writing was probably a symptom of his psychosis, like taking a trophy. He needed something to help him remember every detail about the murders and most trophies, like body parts or personal items, would be too risky to keep and too awkward to lug around from city to city. His books were easier for him to transport.

While they were discussing, Avery came over to let them know that the team hadn't found any prints inside of the apartment and when Kate couldn't understand how that was possible, Shaw informed her that a man like him who liked to play with fire probably burned them off.

Once they'd finished going over the apartment, Shaw ordered the tactical team to remain inside in case Dougherty somehow managed to get by the surveillance team she was planning to put outside. She placed several agents on the ground and dressed them in plain clothes so they'd blend in with the surroundings while they kept an eye out for their man.

Meanwhile, Shaw was supervising the entire operation from the surveillance van with Kate and Castle by her side. She'd placed several cameras in the area to make sure that every angle was covered and her keen eyes were scrutinizing the monitors for signs of anything suspicious. Little did she know that something suspicious was already happening inside the van.

Castle was sitting in the front of the van reading the copy of Dead Heat that he'd swiped from the apartment even after Agent Shaw instructed everyone to leave the apartment "un-assed." His natural writer's curiosity was dying to see what this man's writing style revealed about him.

The more he read, the more impressed he became, and he decided to share that with Shaw and Beckett, **"It's all here. The engraved bullets, the cat-and-mouse phone calls, the cipher, only it's Nikki Heat investigating and she's always one step behind him."**

**"Castle, what part of 'un-ass' don't you understand?"**Her tone implied that it was something he should've known, a phrase that a mystery writer who followed cops around on a daily basis should understand.

Castle looked at her and answered honestly, **"All of it." **

**"For future reference, it means get the hell out and don't take anything,"**she explained as though she were reprimanding a child.

Castle just grinned and nodded as he jotted the phrase down for future reference.

Jordan turned to Kate in the hopes of finding some solidarity, **"Is he always like this?"**

Kate just grinned, **"Castle has the attention span of a cocker spaniel." **

Jordan nodded as she took a sip of her coffee, **"Mmm, and the loyalty. The way he follows you around. From what I've observed, this unorthodox partnership works well for you."**

**"For now."**She didn't want to admit that she liked having Castle around, but the truth was, she did.

**"How does your girlfriend feel about him following you around? His obvious crush on you doesn't bother her?"**

**"Alex knows he's harmless and she trusts me,"** Kate said, then she flipped this line of questioning back on Agent Shaw, **"How does your husband feel about you hopping on a Lear jet six times a year, chasing serial killers across the country?"**

**"He's very supportive, but I'd be lying if I said it was easy to get on that plane sometimes, knowing what I'm missing at home."**

Kate thought about that for a moment. She couldn't help but wonder how things would be for her children with Alex given that they both had full-time careers that not only took up a lot of time, but could also be dangerous. She looked to Shaw for advice, **"How do you manage?"**

Jordan's voice was a little sad as she replied, **"You miss a few birthdays and make a lot of phone calls. My husband tucks our daughter in every night and tells her mommy's off slaying dragons."**

While she was talking to Kate, Jordan was also watching the screens and suddenly she saw something she that she knew she shouldn't be seeing and her voice took on a forceful tone, **"The trick to this kind of operation is having enough personnel in play to take the target down, but not so many that he can smell a trap, which is why we have to get our people to go downwind."**She pointed to a guy on the rooftop who had a pair of binoculars up to his eyes and then picked up her walkie-talkie to contact Avery.

**"Avery, tell our guy on the roof to find another spot. I can see him from the street,"**she said with irritation.

Avery, who was stationed inside the apartment, looked out the window and replied, **"We don't have anybody up there."**

That's when Jordan realized that the man on the roof was their suspect and she alerted all units to be advised that the subject was on the roof of the building at the corner of Bedford and Downing. Suddenly all of the agents on the street started to swarm towards the building, but when the suspect spotted them, he knew he'd been found and decided to make a break for it.

When she saw him move away from the ledge, she announced, **"We're blown, we're blown, all units go hot now."**She opened the van doors to join the agents on the street and ordered Kate and Castle to stay in the van while she and her team took care of the situation.

Kate sat inside the van and watched the monitors, but while the agents were busting down the door to Dougherty's building, she saw him coming down the fire escape of the next-door building, **"That's him. He must've jumped the rooftops. He's getting away."**She knew she had no way to contact Jordan and let her know what was happening, but she wasn't about to let this guy get away. She opened the door to the van, but before Castle could do anything to stop her, she slammed the door in his face and took off down the street to catch Dougherty.

Just as she came out onto the street from the alley, she saw the suspect calmly walking in her direction and she drew her weapon, ordering him to stop, **"NYPD, on the ground now!"**

Just before he turned to run the opposite direction, he gave her a creepy smile, challenging her to follow if she dared.

With her gun still in hand, Kate took off after him, dodging people on the sidewalk, as she made for the subway entrance, desperate to catch him before he disappeared. She descended the stairs in record time and jumped the turnstile, never taking her eyes off her prey. She ran across the platform and was just about to grab Dougherty when he stepped onto the train, the doors shutting just a split-second before Kate could apprehend him. As the train began to move, he looked at Kate through the window and closed his fingers to mimic the shape of a gun. Before her pulled out of sight, he mouthed the word "Bang" and then he was gone.

Kate slapped her hand against one of the columns nearby, **"Fuck!"**She sighed heavily and slowly made her way out of the subway station to head back to the van where Jordan was waiting for her.

She silently climbed into the back of the van and although Jordan wanted to tell her off for disobeying her orders, she thought it might be better to give Kate a little time. They rode back to the station in silence.

* * *

><p>Once they were back at the precinct, Kate gave Jordan a detailed account of the chase and although Jordan was still upset with Kate, she was grateful that now they finally had footage of their man from the Subway security cameras. She ordered Avery to pull up the footage so that they could get a shot of his face for an ID.<p>

Shaw isolated a frame of the killer's face as he was going down the stairs and Avery ran it through the facial recognition software. Within minutes they had a match to a man named Scott Dunn. Now that they had his name, they were one step closer to apprehending the man who had made so many lives miserable. Avery read aloud from Dunn's criminal record, **"Foster child, sealed juvie record, three-year stint in a Bay area psychiatric institute, and a single arson conviction."**

**"Where he burns his hands in a fire,"**Jordan concluded with a shake of her head.

**"He hit all the cliches,"**Castle stated, a little disappointed that Dunn wasn't as original as he'd given him credit for.

**"Last seen February 15, 2004. Six years ago he simply disappears,"**Avery added.

**"I want every bit of research you have on this guy on my desk, in half an hour,"**Jordan instructed before she turned to Kate and motioned for the detective to join her out in the hallway.

Kate looked puzzled, but she followed Jordan out into the hall and was about to say something when Jordan turned to her and said, **"You're out."**

**"What?"**Kate asked with surprise.

**"I told you to stay in the van."**

Kate quickly defended her actions, **"I just broke this case."**

**"I need people backing me I can trust."**She hated to take Kate off the case, but there was no way in hell that Jordan was going to tell Alex that Kate had wound up injured or dead because she was playing fast and loose with Dunn.

Kate tried to protest, **"W-Hold on..."**

**"Sorry detective, you're off the case,"**Jordan said with finality before she walked away.

Kate took a breath. If Shaw wasn't willing to listen to reason, then perhaps Captain Montgomery would be willing to help her finish out this case. She went to his office and tried to appeal to him, explaining that she was an integral part of the investigation, but he too shot her down.

**"There's nothing I can do, Beckett. The FBI has jurisdiction and besides, the hard part is done. His financials are frozen and TSA has been alerted. We'll get him. In the meantime, you should go home and get some rest."**

**"But sir"**

**"That's an order." **

Castle put his hand on Kate's shoulder and said, **"Come on, I'll take you over to Alex's." **

Kate nodded and walked out with Castle. She couldn't get rid of the heaviness in her chest, but she hoped that once she got to the loft and spent some time with Alex, she'd be able to move on from the events of the afternoon. She called her girlfriend to let her know that she was on the way over, but Alex was still at work and she told Kate that she wouldn't be home until late because she had to finish writing her closing arguments for the next morning.

**"Just get into your pajamas and rest, ok? I'll be home as soon as I can,"** Alex said in a warm voice. **"I love you, baby."**

**"I love you too. I'll see you soon,"** Kate said before she hung up. She turned to Castle and asked, **"Would you mind staying with me until Alex gets home? I don't really want to be by myself right now."**

Castle nodded, **"I'd be honored." **

TBC...


	24. Someone's Missing

**Chapter 24: Someone's Missing**

While Kate and Castle were waiting for Alex to get home, they were sitting in the living room talking as they shared a bottle of wine. Kate looked into her wineglass and asked, **"Who would've thought I'd be homeless and case-less in one day?"**

**"You're not homeless. It's like they say, home is where the heart is and your heart is with Alex. As long as you have her, you'll always have a home,"** Castle said, trying to cheer her up. **"Listen, I know I'm the king of going rogue, but you were right to chase after Dunn."**

Kate nodded, but being right didn't make it any easier to be tossed off the case. The thing was, she completely understood why Shaw had done it, **"Jordan was right to kick me off the case. I would've done the same thing if I was in her spot. I'm too close to it."**

Castle lowered his eyes as he worked up the courage to ask the question that had been plaguing him, **"I'm sure after all this you're a little sorry you let me follow you around, huh?"**

**"No, not this. All the other annoying things you do, but not this,"** she smiled. She wanted him to know that she didn't blame him. **"What about you? Are you sorry you ever wrote _Heat Wave_?"**

Castle remembered something Jordan had said and he replied, **"The way I look at it now, if it wasn't for Nikki Heat this guy would've just gone on killing because he wouldn't have met anyone smart enough to catch him."** He paused a moment and then joked, **"I'm speaking, of course, about Special Agent Shaw."**

Kate just grinned and then lightly smacked him on the arm. She was tired, **"It's getting late. I'm going to get some sleep. Alex should be home soon, so if you want, you can go home or you can crash in the guest bedroom."**

**"I think I'll take you up on that. I want Alex to know that I didn't leave you alone." **

Kate nodded and said, **"Thanks. Good night, Castle."**Then she went into the bedroom she shared with Alex and quickly changed into her pajamas before slipping under the covers. She rolled onto her side and rested her head on the pillow ready for sleep to overtake her. She knew that when she woke up, her blonde girlfriend would be there and she smiled as she drifted off into a deep and restful slumber.

* * *

><p>The next morning when Kate woke up she noticed that Alex wasn't in their bed. She sat up and looked around in a panic, but then she smelled coffee brewing and she figured her girlfriend was already up and in the kitchen making breakfast. She got out of bed and quickly changed into a red t-shirt and black sweatpants. After all, the last thing she needed was for Castle to see her in a camisole and boxers.<p>

Kate crossed the apartment and walked into the kitchen, the smile on her face disappearing when she noticed that Castle was standing alone at the stove. She approached him and said, **"Good morning, Castle. Did you happen to hear Alex come in last night?"**

**"No...I figured she was still asleep in your room. She's not?"**Castle asked, clearly confused. He had just assumed that Alex had come into the loft quietly and slipped into bed with Kate.

**"No,"** Kate said as she tried to think of where Alex might be. **"You know what? She probably fell asleep on the couch in her office. I'll call her cell."**Kate picked up the house phone and dialed Alex's cell, but it went straight to voicemail. She tried a couple more times, but it was the same result. At that point Kate started to get worried so she called Ryan.

**"Ryan."**

**"Hey, it's Kate, listen I need a favor."**

**"Sure, what do you need?"**he asked. He knew that if Kate was coming to him for a favor it must be important.

**"Alex didn't come home last night and she's not answering her cell. Can you just swing by the courthouse and check on her, please? I'd do it but I don't want Shaw finding out and telling the to put me on leave or something."**

**"Yeah, no problem. Esposito and I will say we're going out for donuts or something. I'll call you when I know something, ok?"**

**"Thanks Ryan,"** she said before she hung up the phone. She went back to the bedroom to get dressed in case she had to run out in a hurry and was just picking out a shirt when her cell phone rang. Figuring that it was either Ryan or Alex, she picked it up without looking at the caller ID, **"Beckett."**

**"Miss Beckett, this is Gina from Tiffany's."** The warm, friendly voice was a bit soothing as Kate remembered that her ring was supposed to be ready any day now. **"I'm calling to let you know that the ring you ordered has arrived and you can come by to take a look at it at your earliest convenience."**

**"Oh, thank you, Gina. Things are a little busy at work right now, so it might be a few days before I can come in. Is that ok?"**

**"Of course. We'll hold the ring for 30 days in store."**

**"Great, I should be by sometime within the next week to pick it up. Thank you again, Gina."**

**"You're welcome, Miss Beckett. Feel free to call if you have any other questions. We'll see you soon."**

Kate hung up the phone and went back to getting dressed. She couldn't help but smile as she thought about the ring and how beautiful it would look on Alex's finger once the blonde had said yes to her proposal.

Minutes later she re-joined Castle in the kitchen and he asked, **"Any word from Ryan?"**

**"Nothing yet,"** she said as she shook her head. **"You don't think something happened, do you?"**

**"Nah, if I know Alex, she's still in her office after pulling an all-nighter. I'm sure she's going to call any minute."**Castle said reassuringly. The last thing he wanted to do was scare Kate by being honest with her about his gut feeling that something had gone terribly wrong. After all, it wasn't like Alex to not check in, especially now that a psycho was on the loose.

Kate nodded, but she had the same feeling as Castle. All she wanted was for someone to call and tell her that her girlfriend was all right.

About 30 minutes later, she finally received the call she'd been waiting for, but when she heard the sound of Ryan's voice telling her to come down to the courthouse right away, she felt her blood turn to ice. **"Is she...?"**She couldn't bring herself to ask the question.

Ryan sighed, **"I don't know...we can't find her...just get down here right away."**

Kate hung up and with Castle in tow, they drove down to the courthouse as fast as they could. Kate pulled into the garage and parked in a spot near Ryan's car. She got out and ran to where Ryan and Esposito were standing with Shaw and Avery.

She looked at Ryan, **"What happened?"**

**"I talked to her secretary and she said that Alex was still here when she left about 9:45, so I checked the security tapes to see what time she left."**

**"And, what did you find out?"**Kate asked, her heart racing.

**"She left her office about 10:30, but she never made it out to the car that was waiting for her. Security is checking every inch of the building, but...I think he's got her...I'm so sorry, Kate,"**Ryan said regretfully. The last thing he wanted to do was deliver this news to his friend.

Kate stood there and she felt as if she'd been hit with a baseball bat. She couldn't figure out how this had happened, but before she could really get her mind wrapped around what had happened, she heard her cell phone ring. Without a second thought, she answered and nearly froze when she heard Dunn's voice on the other end.

**"There's nothing like the bond between girlfriends, is there Nikki? You must really miss her. She's very pretty."**

**"Where is she?"**Kate asked as she tried to maintain the last ounce of control she had left.

**"Safe, for now,"**he taunted. It was clear from the tone of his voice that he would have no problem killing Alex if Nikki didn't cooperate.

**"If you hurt her I swear to God I'll..."**

Dunn cut her off before she could finish her threat, **"That all depends on you doesn't it? This is _your_ story Nikki, not hers. She's just an extra...and extras are expendable. The showdown only works if it's between you and me. Come to the Battery Park Ferry terminal at midnight tonight Nikki, and come alone, or she dies...and you don't want her blood on your hands, do you?" **

At that moment Kate wanted nothing more than to reach through the phone, pull Dunn out by his balls, and feed him to a wood chipper for laying a hand on Alex. She swallowed that down for the moment because she knew that getting angry would only feed into Dunn's game. She took a breath and asked, **"How can I be sure she's still alive?" **

**"I'll send you an email,"**he replied before the line went dead.

Kate looked right at Shaw and said, **"He's sending me an email of Alex. Proof she's alive." **

Kate's eyes silently begged Jordan to let her back on the case. She couldn't just sit at home and wait for someone else to save the woman she loved; she needed to be the one to take him down and rescue Alex.

**"Come on, let's go back to the station and we'll check out the e-mail to see if we can pinpoint her location,"**Jordan said, knowing that she couldn't ask Kate to sit this out anymore.

Kate sighed and thanked her before she and Castle headed for her car. Once she was inside, she took a moment to compose herself.

Castle looked over at her and said, **"Hey, we're going to find her and then we'll nail Dunn."**

**"I know, but for his sake I hope he hasn't hurt her, because if he has, I'm going to kill him. I swear to God I will and I don't give a fuck. I'm not going to let him get away with this."**

**"I know."**He knew that Kate would do anything to keep Alex safe and if worse came to worse, she'd avenge any damage or pain that Dunn had inflicted upon the blonde. He hoped for everyone's sake that they'd find Alex unharmed because the last thing he wanted was for Kate to give in to her rage.

* * *

><p>Back at the station, Kate opened the email from Dunn and watched the attached video clip, her heart racing. Alex was sitting in a chair, bound and gagged with duct tape and even though she looked disheveled, she was physically unharmed.<p>

Within moments Dunn stepped into the frame with a gun in his hand and said, **"Say hello to your girlfriend, Miss Cabot."**

**"Go to hell,"**Alex's spat back. Her voice was strong, but Kate could hear the undercurrent of fear and she longed to hold her girlfriend and comfort her.

Before Alex could say anything else, then the video cut off and Jordan looked to Kate, **"It may be your story Kate, but it's my show. We'll bring her back alive, I promise you that and although you're back on the case, you can't run off half-cocked again, got it?"**

Kate nodded, but she knew that if the chance came up for her to take Dunn down, she wouldn't hesitate. With or without Shaw, she was going to save her girlfriend's life.

Once they were in agreement, Jordan and Kate went into the war room to see if they could get anything off the video that would point them to Alex's location. Through the small, unobstructed corner of the window behind Alex they were able to make out a bridge tower and a quick comparison of all the bridges in the city led them to the Whitestone Bridge. Next, Kate suggested that they play the audio again to see if they could isolate any sounds that might give them a location based on the line of sight. Sure enough they heard the sound of the subway as it rattled along above ground tracks and Kate identified it as the Pelham line.

With that information, Avery was able to find the address of the building that was directly in the line of sight and he said, **"Got it, 1756 48th Avenue, the Bronx."**He pulled up a satellite image of the street and the warehouse where Dunn was holding Alex on the SmartBoard.

**"Have the hostage rescue team meet us there."**Shaw ordered.

* * *

><p>When they arrived outside of the warehouse, Jordan looked to Kate, <strong>"This is the place."<strong> She pointed to the image on the screen and continued, **"It's supposed to be abandoned, but the thermal imager confirms a hot spot on the fourth floor. That's where he's holding her. The team's going to enter on his blind side of the building."**

**"This is wrong,"**Castle said as he realized that things were just a little too easy.

**"What's wrong?"**Kate asked. She knew that when Castle had a gut instinct about something he was usually right. She wanted to know what he was sensing.

He looked at the two women and said, **"It feels too easy."**

**"What do you mean too easy?"**Jordan didn't think any of this could ever be called easy.

**"I mean, the sneak peek out the window, waiting to record the message just as the train was going by. He led us here. You remember how perfect everything was with Conrad?"**

**"Yeah I got the trap memo too, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sit on my ass and do nothing. Alex is up there. She's an innocent civilian and the only reason that Dunn has her is to bait Kate into a showdown,"**Jordan argued.

Castle turned to Kate, **"She'll be dead the moment they breach that door."**

Kate looked to Jordan, but Jordan shook her head, **"We're not going to breach the door. Hostage exchange happens at midnight, that means he has to move her before then. When he steps outside that door, I'll put him down like the rabid dog he is. I'll bring her back to you alive Kate, I promise."**

Kate looked into Jordan's eyes, **"You'd better, she's my entire world, Jordan."**

Jordan nodded then said, **"This time, please, stay in the van. In the dark anything can go wrong."**

Kate nodded in agreement as Castle watched in silence. He knew how hard it would be to change either one of their minds so he figured the best thing to do was just offer Kate moral support as they waited for the strike to go down.

As the team moved into position, Kate and Castle were watching them on the thermal imager. They could see several bright yellow dots moving across the screen, getting closer and closer to the room where two yellow dots were glowing brightly.

As Castle studied the monitor, he shook his head and said, **"I don't know how he's doing it but he's not up there."**

**"What are you basing that on?"**Kate asked, curious to understand Castle's speculation.

**"I don't know how I know, I just..."**

**"You just what?" **

He didn't want to say it because he knew Kate wouldn't take him seriously.

When he didn't answer, she pushed him, **"Castle you and I have known each other long enough for me to know that sometimes your silly theories are right, so if you have a reason to believe he's not up there, then you need to tell me why, now. For Alex's sake."**

Castle gave in, knowing that he would never forgive himself something happened to Alex or the FBI agents because he stayed quiet. **"Just because...it's not how I would write it."**He waited for Kate to discard his theory.

**"What happens in your version?"**Kate asked. After all, what did she have to lose? Dunn had obviously studied Castle's writing style, so it stood to reason that he'd try to outsmart Nikki's creator.

**"He lets us think we've found him to lure us here. Let's the FBI converge on the building, only he's not in there."**

**"Where is he?"**

**"Nearby, watching. Watching it all unfold. He's got something planned. If it were me, I'd wait until they all got inside, got settled into position, and then I'd blow the building."**

Kate thought about that and she realized that it made sense. **"Where is he watching from?"**

**"I don't know. He wants to show he's smarter than us, so he'll be somewhere close by and out of the way."**

Kate needed something more solid if she was going to leave the van, **"Castle, if it were you, where would you be watching from?"**

He leaned forward and pointed to the building where the agents were gathered,**"I wouldn't be watching from this building where they are. I'd be watching from here."**He pointed to the building across the street. He knew that Dunn would have a perfect view of the building so that he could watch the carnage once he detonated the bomb that was waiting on the other side of the door for the agents.

Kate knew that wasn't time, nor a way to call Jordan about the new theory, so she decided that it was up to her and Castle to get Dunn and save Alex...she just hoped they were right. **"Come on, let's go get that son of a bitch and bring Alex home."**

They left the van and made their way to the other building, creeping as quietly as they could to keep Dunn from hearing them enter. It was now or never and Kate prayed that Castle was right about this.

TBC...


	25. Rescuing Alex

**Chapter 25: Rescuing Alex**

Once they were inside the building, Kate turned to Castle and handed him a gun.

He was confused, **"You want me to hold it while you tie your shoes?" **

**"No, I want you to take it, just in case. You're going to be my only backup here Castle. Jordan and her team are in the other building."**When Kate was certain that Castle was comfortable with what she was asking of him, they set off to find Dunn.

Kate took the lead as they quietly crept through the building and before long she heard noises like those from a police scanner. She crept stealthily through the shadows and just as she peered around a support beam, she saw something that made her heart stop. There across the room from where she was standing she saw Alex tied to a chair with duct tape covering her mouth. The blonde's hair was in disarray and she appeared to have a bruise forming just above her left eye. When Kate saw that bruise she wanted to kill Dunn for laying a hand on her girlfriend, but she controlled her anger because she knew that charging in would only lessen Alex's chances of getting out of this alive.

**"I'm almost sad to see it come to an end, Miss Cabot. I didn't want to have to involve a civilian, but this was the only way I could guarantee Nikki would be there to burn with the rest of the FBI,"**Dunn said as he carefully watched the other building, waiting for just the right moment to blow it up.

As he was speaking, Kate managed to make eye contact with Alex and in that instant, she silently told her girlfriend not to panic because she was going to get her out of there alive. Alex nodded, but she was still afraid that Dunn was going to do something to hurt Kate.

Kate turned to Castle and whispered, **"I'm going to draw him away from Alex. You untie her and get her out of here, then get the FBI. Go."**

Castle knew enough not to argue and he quickly moved away to follow Kate's instructions.

Kate, meanwhile, took a breath and then stepped into view and addressed Dunn, **"I thought it was me you were after."**

The moment he heard her voice, Dunn turned around and was shocked to see Nikki Heat standing there. He couldn't believe that she had figured out where to look, especially because he'd been one step ahead this whole time.

Despite the fact that she wanted to check on Alex, Kate kept her eyes focused on Dunn because she knew that even a small slip up could spell disaster. She steeled herself and gave Dunn a warning, **"Put your hands up, Dunn, or I will take you down."**

He raised his right hand, in which he held a pair of binoculars, and set them down. Then he straightened up and showed her his left hand, **"Why don't you put your gun down, Nikki? If you shoot me, my hand could tense up and I might just detonate the 19 pounds of cyclonite that Agent Shaw and the rest of her team are sitting on, turning them to mist..."**

Alex was trembling in the chair, her heart beating so hard she thought it might explode. She didn't know what Kate had planned, but it seemed like this guy had all the angles covered.

**"They're not in the building anymore,"** she bluffed, knowing that somehow her poker face would see her through this. **"I only sent them in there to throw you off."**

Dunn looked as though he'd been sucker punched, but he quickly recovered, **"You're lying."**He held up the detonator and was only an inch away from pressing the button.

Kate held her ground, **"Why would they be in there if I knew that you were in here? Face it Dunn, I beat you. Nikki Heat won."**

Dunn eyed his gun and then returned his gaze to Nikki, his hand clenching the detonator, **"No..."** Then he glanced at the gun again and yelled, **"No!"**before he tossed the detonator and lunged for the gun. He could almost feel it in his grasp when Alex kicked it away and he had no choice but to shield himself behind the blonde. He hovered behind Alex for just a moment before he took off in an attempt to escape from Nikki.

As soon as he was clear of Alex, Kate took an open shot at Dunn and then ran after him, determined not to let him get away again.

Just as Kate disappeared from the room, Castle came up to Alex and asked, **"You ok?"**He pulled the tape off so she could answer.

**"Where's everyone else?" **

**"Across the street waiting outside of a room filled with 19 pounds of cyclonite,"**he said as he struggled to untie her.

**"She was bluffing?"**Alex asked with wide eyes.

**"She was profiling,"**he said as the rope finally started to give way.

**"Just go help her, I'll be fine, I got this!"**she said, desperate for Castle to go help Kate before something bad happened to her.

* * *

><p>Kate had lost Dunn in a maze of boxes, but she knew he had to be close by, after all, he wasn't going to run away now, not when he had her right there for the taking. She walked down the hallway on her guard, her gun out in front of her as she carefully scanned the area. She heard sounds coming from the freight elevator, so she quietly headed that way. She was in the elevator when Dunn jumped down from his hiding spot and landed on her back. She immediately went into attack mode and she ran backwards into the wall, smashing Dunn between her body and the concrete. The impact loosened his grip enough for her to free her arm and elbow him in the gut, but when she spun around to hit him in the face, he grabbed her by the wrist and used the momentum to slam her against a metal roll-up door.<p>

He slammed her right hand against the wall, loosening her grip just enough so that he could grab her gun from her and then he tossed her on the floor. He smiled smugly as he pointed the gun at her, **"That's how all my stories end, with someone else dead." **

Kate lay there, winded and defeated as Dunn aimed her own gun at her, but before he could pull the trigger, Castle lifted the gun that Kate had given him and fired a single bullet at Dunn. In the blink of an eye, the bullet hit Dunn's hand and Kate's gun was knocked to the floor, just feet from where he stood.

Dunn quickly scrambled across the floor and just as he felt the cold steel in his grasp, a foot clamped down, preventing him from picking it up. He looked up to see Alex standing there with the gun she had kicked away from Dunn earlier in her hands.

**"Collar him,"**Alex said as she aimed the gun at his head and looked at Kate.

Kate stood up from the floor and took a second to admire Alex like this, badass with the gun in her hand aimed at Dunn like she knew exactly what she was doing. She had to admit, Alex looked hot.

She walked over and picked Dunn up off the ground to cuff him.

**"This isn't over Heat."**Dunn said, his sick little melodrama still swirling around in his head.

**"It's not Heat. It's Beckett,"** she said with finality as she tightened the cuffs to make her point. **"You have the right to remain silent, so shut the hell up,"** she ordered as she walked Dunn out of the building. She turned to Alex just before she walked past and smiled, **"Thank you."**

**"Like I was going to let that psycho kill my girl,"** she said, her grip so tight on the gun that her knuckles were turning white. She lowered the firearm when Castle put his hand over hers and said, **"You're a hell of a shot, Rick."**

He watched as Kate escorted Dunn out and said, **"I was aiming for his head." **

She chuckled, the warmth suddenly returning to her body, and then said, **"Come on."**

They walked out of the building together and when they reached the street, Castle looked at the SUVs parked on the sidewalk and said, **"Maybe we should give them some room. I don't want anything to get in the way of Dunn's arrest."**

**"Would you mind taking me home? I really don't think I can be around this drama anymore tonight..."**

Castle looked at Alex and nodded, **"Sure, just let me tell Kate so she doesn't worry, ok?"**The last thing Castle wanted or needed was a pissed off Kate yelling at him for not telling her he was taking Alex home.

Alex put her arms around herself, a cold chill running through her body, one she was certain she wouldn't be able to shake for a long time. She was watching the scene around her, but it was like she was detached from herself. She had been a part of it, a part of his game, and it was just like before with the cartel. She just wanted things to be normal and they weren't normal.

Castle slid in next to Kate as she was filling Jordan in on what had happened in the building with Dunn and the agent said, **"I'd really like her to give me a statement while everything's still fresh in her memory."**

Although she wasn't addressing him directly, Castle felt the need to intervene on Alex's behalf, **"Um, can she do that tomorrow? She's a bit shaken up. She asked if I could take her home."**Despite the fact that Shaw had asked the question, he directed most of his attention to Kate. After all, Alex was Kate's girlfriend and he needed the detective's ok more than he needed Shaw's.

Kate turned to Castle then glanced past him to where Alex was standing, **"Um, yeah that's fine..."** She turned back to Jordan and said, **"Give a minute. I just want to make sure she's ok."**

Jordan nodded, knowing that it was a good time to back off.

Kate walked towards Alex and stopped just inches away from the blonde, **"Hey baby, did he hurt you? Are you ok?"**

Alex lifted her eyes to Kate and it was evident that she was distant, occupied. **"I'm...numb. But I'm sure by tomorrow I'll feel more like myself. Go take care of that son of a bitch and come home as soon as you can, ok?"**

Kate closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Alex, burying her face in the blonde's neck and inhaling the scent that always calmed her. They stood like that for a few moments before Kate pulled back and looked into Alex's eyes, whispering, **"I was so, scared when I found out you'd been taken. I thought I was going to lose you. I am so sorry that you got pulled into this mess."** Kate placed a hand on Alex's cheek, **"I'll be home as soon as I can and I'm going to hold you all night long, but in the meantime, I'm going to ask Castle to stay with you until I get there, ok?"**

**"I think that's a good idea. I don't want to be on my own. Just promise me that you'll hurry, ok?"**

Kate smiled as she leaned closer for a quick kiss, **"I promise I'll be as fast as I can."** She turned to Castle who was standing far enough away to not hear their conversation, but close enough that she only had to raise her voice a little to get his attention, **"Castle, can you come here?"**

He walked over and noticed that Kate was holding out the keys to the SUV that they were standing next to. **"Here, drive carefully ok?"**she said as she handed them to him.

Castle nodded, **"I will."**Then he went around to the driver's side, got in, and started the vehicle.

Kate opened the passenger door then turned to Alex, **"I love you, I'll see you in a little while, ok?"**

**"Ok,"**Alex said absently as she got into the SUV. She buckled her seatbelt almost robotically and once she was settled, she put her arms around herself again. She stared out the window, but she wasn't registering any of it. Instead she was replaying the events of the last 24 hours and how close both she and Kate had come to being killed and she felt as though she might vomit. She never wanted to be that close to the brink again.

Kate watched them drive away and she sensed there was something off about her girlfriend, but for now there was nothing she could do. Instead, she focused on making sure that Dunn couldn't slither out of this on a technicality. She walked back over to Jordan and noticed a peculiar look on the other woman's face, **"What?"**

**"You're honestly going to come down to the station with us instead of going home to your girlfriend?"**

Kate looked around, **"It's my job, besides I have to pick up my car before I go home."**

**"He's not going anywhere, Kate,"** Shaw assured her. **"You can come in tomorrow and write the report, but I really think you should go home to her. She didn't look so good."**

Kate turned back to look in the direction that the SUV had disappeared and she sighed, **"Yeah you're probably right. Can I get a ride to the precinct so I can pick up my car?"**

**"Of course,"**Avery said. Shaw was going to ride with Dunn to make sure he didn't try anything funny, so her partner offered Kate a ride in his car.

Kate and Avery drove to the precinct in silence, the detective too deep in her thoughts to make any kind of meaningful conversation with the agent. When they arrived, Kate thanked him for the ride and then went out to the lot to pick up her can and drive home.

* * *

><p>When she arrived at the building, she pulled into Alex's assigned spot in that garage and cut the engine. She turned around and reached for the statue in the back seat and then got out of the car. She set the alarm, headed to the elevator, and pressed the button for Alex's floor. She stepped off the elevator and cross the short hallway to the front door, her key slipping inside the lock with practiced ease. She entered the loft and closed the door securely behind her before making her way into the living room where she found Castle sitting on the couch reading a magazine.<p>

He looked up when the door opened and smiled, **"Hey, that was fast. Alex is in the bedroom, she seemed tired." **

Kate smiled, **"Thanks Castle. You can go home now, I've got this." **

With that, Castle took his leave and Kate locked up behind him. She took off her coat and placed the statue on a shelf in the living room before heading to the bedroom to check on Alex. She slowly opened the door and was about walk in when she heard Alex's voice.

**"Rick?"**Alex asked as she sat up in bed. She was dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt, her hair pulled back into a ponytail and her face clean. The bruise was purple and very clear thanks to her fair complexion. She was a ball of nerves and she knew that feeling wasn't going to pass any time soon.

Kate stuck her head into the room and looked at Alex, **"No baby, it's me. I sent Castle home. Can I come in?"**

Alex swallowed and let out a breath. **"Sure, come in,"**she said, her mouth suddenly dry.

Kate stepped into the room and closed the door. She took one step forward then stopped, her eyes going straight to the purple bruise on Alex's forehead. After a moment, Kate slowly walked closer until she was standing next to the bed.

She carefully sat down and looked at Alex, **"Oh baby, I am so sorry that you got pulled into this mess. I'm so sorry he hurt you."**Kate suddenly felt the overwhelming guilt that had been sitting on the edge of her mind as it flooded her system. She was supposed to protect this woman, keep her safe like she had promised her she would and then this happened. Kate once again knew what it felt like to fail, only this time it was worse because the woman she loved had been injured and Kate kept thinking that she could've done something to prevent it.

**"I'm going to be fine...eventually. I just need to be here, in my our home where I'm safe. I just need some time to recover and remind myself that we're both going to be all right. For now, I'm just having a hard time feeling like myself. I thought we were both going to die andI couldn't go back down that road, Kate. I couldn't."**

Kate didn't know how to respond to that, she didn't know what the right thing to say was, but she tried anyway and hoped she wouldn't make it worse, **"Ok, I can understand that, um...would it be ok if I held you?"**

Alex looked at her and nodded, though she still felt as though she wasn't really in her body and she didn't know how that was going to affect things. She sat very still on the bed and waited for Kate to come closer.

Kate slipped her shoes off and slid onto the bed so that she could wrap her arms around Alex. She leaned against the headboard and rested her head on the blonde's shoulder as she lightly rubbed Alex's tummy. After a few minutes of silence, Kate asked, **"Baby? What did you mean by you couldn't go back down that road?"**

Alex's body grew tense as the memories flooded her mind. She kept her eyes down, **"When I was shot, I thought that I was going to die that night. I could feel the searing pain and then it was hard to breathe and before I knew it, I started slipping away. It was just black and I didn't know if I'd wake up again once I closed my eyes. I've never felt fear like that before or since...at least, not until tonight...I knew he was going to kill me...but what made it worse was knowing that he wanted to kill you and if he'd done it before he took care of me...I"** She was crying at this point, **"I didn't want that to be my last memory...I didn't want to lose everything that I had my heart set on..."**

Kate tightened her grip on Alex and she shifted closer, **"Baby, I would never let him or anyone else take away what we have. If he hadn't had that detonator in his hand I would've shot him right then and there, but I couldn't risk the lives of the FBI agents in the other building just because he had you tied to a chair. I have never been so scared as when I saw you sitting there. I knew that, above anything else, I had to get you out of there alive, no matter what."**

Kate paused for a moment and then continued, **"But we're safe now. He's in custody and he's not going to be able to bother us ever again. I promise you that."** Kate raised her hand and wiped away the tears on Alex's face before she gently turned her to look in her eyes. Once she had Alex's attention she said, **"I promise you Alexandra Cabot, here and now, that I will never let anything like this ever happen to you again. You and me, we're going to have the life we planned with kids and a home and maybe even a dog or two. We're going to spend our lives together and nothing and no one is ever going to get this close to you ever again."**Kate sealed her promise with a kiss. She knew that even if it meant sacrificing her own life, she'd never let anyone hurt Alex ever again.

Alex buried her head into Kate's shoulder and sobbed uncontrollably, her body shaking and the sounds of her cries so agonized that she couldn't even believe they were coming from her own mouth. She held onto Kate and just let everything out until she literally had nothing left inside. She grew very still at that point and kept her head down, everything quiet except for the sound of her breathing.

Kate held Alex as she cried it out, rubbing slow circles on her back, her own heart breaking at the anguish she heard coming from her lover. When Alex finally grew silent, Kate held her closer and whispered, **"I'm right here baby. I love you and I promise you I am not going anywhere." **

**"You don't know that,"**Alex said in a whisper as she held onto Kate for dear life.

Kate thought for a second, **"Maybe not, but I do know that it would take nothing short of actual death to make me leave you. And even then, I'll probably try to convince St. Peter to send me back because you need me."**Kate kissed Alex's head as she held her close.

Alex just nodded and did her best to let Kate's words sink in. She felt emotionally and physically exhausted and she asked, **"Can we go to bed? I just...I don't think I can stay awake much longer."**

Kate smiled, **"Of course baby."** She slid down until they were both lying on the bed. She didn't want to let go of Alex so she pulled the bottom corner of the comforter over them and settled Alex into her arms. **"Good night baby, we'll talk more tomorrow. I have a special surprise for you."**

Alex managed a smile and said, **"Good night, love. I can't wait to see what it is."**She fell asleep, unable to keep her eyes open any longer.

Kate smiled to herself as she thought of their statue, how it survived the explosion. To her that meant that they were meant to be together, that they were going to have the future they dreamed of. Kate thought back to the call she'd gotten earlier from Tiffany's...the ring was ready. In all the excitement she'd forgotten about that, but she knew that soon she would have to go pick it up. Kate closed her eyes as she imagined Alex saying yes over and over again and soon, she was fast asleep, sweet dreams of Alex in a white dress dancing in her head.

TBC...


	26. Morning Trauma

**Chapter 26: Morning Trauma**

The next morning after a somewhat fitful night, Alex awoke to find Kate missing and she sat up in bed. Her initial thought was that the psycho had somehow gotten loose and took Kate while she was sleeping. She called out to her in a panic, **"Kate? Kate!"**

Kate was in the kitchen setting the coffee maker to brew when she heard Alex calling her name. Kate heard the panic in her voice and she ran into their bedroom. She rushed to the bed and sat down next to Alex, reaching out to rub Alex's arms, **"Baby, Alex I'm right here, what's wrong?"**

Alex let out a trembling breath and felt her face grow hot, **"I'm sorry...I woke up and you weren't here and I thought"** She took another breath,** "I thought something bad had happened. I'm sorry."**

Kate gathered Alex close and rubbed her hand over her back, **"Baby, it's ok. I'm right here. I'm right here, I just went to make us some coffee."**Kate tried to soothe her girlfriend.

**"God, I feel like such a-you probably think I'm crazy,"**Alex said, leaning on Kate.

Kate ran a hand through Alex's hair, **"No, sweetie, I don't think you're crazy. You've been through a very traumatic event and it's only natural that you would have nightmares. I'm going to be here for you no matter what happens."**Kate pressed a kiss to Alex's forehead.

Alex buried her face, **"I hate this...it's just like before..."**

**"No, it isn't. Because this time, you have me. You're not alone, you don't have to go through this alone." **

**"I know. But I hated the nightmares. I hated the feeling of helplessness and I hated the phantom pain I used to get where I was shot. I don't want to go through that again and it's already happening."**

Kate felt a little helpless at that moment, but then she remembered her surprise and she hoped it would help. **"I'm sorry that what happened brought all this back for you. I never meant for you to get drawn into this mess."** Kate paused, **"I brought something that I hope might cheer you up a little bit. Do you want to see it?"**

Alex smiled a little and nodded, her chin sitting on Kate's shoulder. She pulled back and asked, **"Should I wait here?"**

Kate thought about that, **"No, come with me?"**Kate thought it might be best to get Alex out of bed. She had a feeling that if she stayed in bed, the nightmares and the bad stuff would keep haunting her. Kate stood up and held her hand out to Alex, leaving the decision in her hands.

Alex got up from the bed. She needed to be in the other room where there was more space, more air, more light. She took Kate's hand and followed her, eager to see what she had for her.

Kate led her into the living room. She thought about making her close her eyes but decided against it in light of last night. Instead, she brought her over to the shelf that held their statue and moved to stand behind Alex, holding her from behind in a warm embrace. **"Do you see that?"**

Alex looked up at it and leaned back against Kate, **"Yeah..."**

Kate rested her chin on Alex's shoulder as she explained, **"It survived the explosion intact. Baby, for me, that statue is a symbol of our love, our future, and it survived. That makes me believe with all my heart that you and me, we'll survive this too. We're strong like that statue and we'll get through this, I promise."**Kate kissed Alex's shoulder and tightened her arms around Alex's waist, keeping her close.

Alex looked at it, admiring the face of the perfect little baby, and she put her arms over Kate's, **"I want to believe that nothing has changed...that everything is going to be fine-but what if this happens again? What if I lose you, Kate? How would I go on?"**

**"You won't lose me baby. This was an isolated incident. Stuff like this doesn't happen to me. I'm almost never in any real danger."** Kate smirked,** "In fact, despite being a cop in homicide, my job is oddly safe." **

**"I used to think that about my job too."** She pulled away and changed the subject, **"You know, I should go take a shower. I still have residue from last night on me and I really want to rinse it off. I'll be out in a while."**She left the room and went to the master bath, locking the door behind her after grabbing her cell phone. She dialed a familiar number and waited for Jack McCoy to answer.

Kate decided to give Alex some time alone, thinking she might feel better after a shower. Kate decided to make breakfast for them. She went into the kitchen and began getting the food ready.

* * *

><p>Jack McCoy was in his office working on some paperwork when his phone rang. He picked it up, <strong>"McCoy."<strong>

**"Jack, it's Alex Cabot. I hope I'm not interrupting, but it's important that I speak to you."**

Jack smiled, **"No Alex it's fine. You're saving me from paperwork. What can I do for you?"**

**"I need to request a transfer...temporarily. I just need some time away from homicide. I don't care where you put me. I'll even take Appeals...anything you can offer me Jack, please."**

Jack thought about that for a moment, **"Well, Alex, the thing is, there's nothing open right now, I'm sorry. From what I understood, though, I thought you were happy at the 12th precinct, what's going on?"**

**"It's a long story, but I got caught up in something bad and Kate and I were almost killed. I need some time away from the 12th precinct. Will you call me if something opens up?"**

Jack knew when not to pry, **"I see. Well I promise to call you the minute I have an opening up, but in the meantime, if you feel you need to take a leave of absence, I can arrange that too."**

**"I'll get back to you on that. For now I'm just taking a couple of days off until I get back to normal. I've delegated my cases to Rossi, but I'll keep an eye on things. Thank you for doing this, Jack."**

**"It's not a problem Alex,"** Jack said, smiling.** "Anything you need you call me, I'm here any time."**

**"Thanks, Jack. Have a good day,"**she said and then hung up.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Kate was making breakfast, eggs, bacon, toast and coffee while she waited for Alex to get out of the shower. She sighed as she admitted that she would have to postpone her proposal for a bit...at least until Alex was back on solid footing. She paused her motions, her hands resting on the counter where she had the bread waiting to go in the toaster, and hung her head down, closing her eyes to keep her anger at Scott Dunn at bay. Kate took a few deep breaths and when she felt she had her anger under control she lifted her head and went back to making breakfast.<p>

While Alex was in the shower, she found herself just leaning up against the wall, tears falling down her cheeks. She was holding herself, her body bent at the waist, as she did her best to keep from having a panic attack. The last thing she wanted was for Kate to see her like that, but deep down inside she wanted to scream, she wanted to scratch at her skin, just something to get it all out.

Kate finished cooking and served up two plates, putting them on the table along with two cups of coffee. Now that she didn't have the routine of cooking to distract her, Kate realized that Alex was taking a very long time in the shower, longer than she usually took. Kate became worried, fearing that Alex had slipped in the shower or something, so she went to the bathroom door. When she reached for the knob and realized it was locked, Kate frowned; Alex never locked this door. Kate went to where Alex kept her keys and found the small one that fit the bathroom lock. Within moments she had the door unlocked and she carefully opened, slipping into the room quietly. She closed the door behind her and asked, **"Alex? Baby, are you ok?"**

Alex was sitting on the floor of the shower, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees as she held them to her chest. She was sobbing, her entire past playing through her mind.

Kate slowly walked towards the shower and carefully pulled back the shower curtain. What she saw broke her heart and she quickly turned off the water before she knelt down next to Alex. Kate wanted to reach out to the blonde, but she was afraid that might make it worse. Alex looked like she was in shock, so Kate carefully whispered, **"Alex?"**

Alex just shook her head. Her eyes were focused on some faraway place.

Kate settled down onto the floor, realizing they'd be there for a while. **"Alex? Can you look at me?"**

**"Don't..."**was all she said as she remained perfectly still.

Kate was confused now, **"Don't? Don't what?"**

**"Don't look at me. I don't want you to see me like this,"**she said slowly. She wanted to handle this on her own.

Kate felt her heart sink a little lower, **"Baby, I told you, I'm not going anywhere. Please let me help you."**

**"You can't, ok? You can't help me..."**she said as balled up a little bit tighter. She was so angry, so filled with rage that all she wanted to do was break things.

**"Well, I'm not leaving you alone, so can you let me try?"**Kate asked, not knowing how to help her girlfriend.

**"What are you going to do? Tell me Kate, what the fuck are you going to do to make this better?"**

Kate felt a little useless, but she tried anyway, **"I don't know, but I will do whatever you need me to do. Anything except leave you alone. Just name it. What do you need me to do?" **

**"Kill Scott Dunn,"**she said, her muscles tightly clenched.

Kate felt Alex's words wash over her and she realized that part of her wanted to do just that, kill the man who did this to them. The problem was, she knew it wouldn't really fix anything. She slowly reached over and placed her hands on Alex's, carefully prying them off of her legs. Kate held them for a few moments, trying to warm them again after their stint in the cooling shower. Kate took a breath and realized Alex was still staring into space. She took both her hands into one of her own and used the other hand to cup Alex's cheek, slowly turning her face until she was looking her. When her eyes made contact with Alex's she said, **"If I thought it would help, I would. But how would killing him and spending the rest of my life in prison away from you be a good thing?"**

Alex's lip trembled and she started to cry again, her whole body finally relaxing in defeat, **"I want him to pay for what he did! I want to see him punished!"**She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Kate.

Kate held her girlfriend close as she stroked her hair, **"He will, I promise you he will. We have him locked in with the evidence. He's going to spend his life in prison." **

**"I wanted the man who shot me to die too...I wanted to kill him for what he had done...I was alone then, I had to deal with it by myself..."**

**"But you're not alone now. I'm here and you can lean on me. Baby, I love you and that means that I am always here for you, no matter what happens, got it?"** Kate needed Alex to know she wasn't alone anymore. **"You'll never have to be alone ever again because I've got you, ok?"**

Alex nodded and in a weak voice asked, **"Can you help me up? I'm cold and I just want to lay down in our bed."**

**"Of course, come on."** Kate slowly stood up and helped Alex out of the shower before she reached for a nearby towel. She wrapped it around her girlfriend and held the blonde close, her arms around her for a moment to warm her up before she let go and began walking with Alex into the bedroom. Kate pulled back the covers and helped Alex into the bed after the blonde had dropped the towel. Kate pulled the covers over Alex and then she walked around the foot of the bed and slipped in on the other side. She pulled Alex to her, wrapping her arms around her and held her close. She whispered, **"I love you."**

**"Even though I'm such a mess?"**Alex asked quietly as she leaned back against Kate's body.

**"Unconditionally, forever. Nothing will ever change that, I swear."**Kate placed a soft kiss on Alex's shoulder.

Alex smiled just a little, **"I love you too, Kate. I'm sorry for all of this..."**

Kate shook her head, **"You have nothing to be sorry about baby. None of this is your fault."** Kate paused, her own guilt welling up, **"I'm sorry that you got pulled into this, I never meant for you to be a part of this guy's twisted game."**Kate kissed Alex's shoulder again, scared that this might be the thing that broke them...that this might be too much for Alex and she would leave her.

**"It scares me Kate...what if we'd had a child and that bastard did something to her?"**She didn't mean to think that way, but she had to be realistic about the risks.

Kate closed her eyes at that thought; it was too scary for her. She gently turned Alex to face her and when she could see Alex's eyes, she said, **"He will never hurt us again. Our child won't ever be hurt by anything related to my work. I'd quit the force before I'd let that happen. I know I was supposed to protect you and I failed at that, but I didn't think he'd go after you. I promise you again that nothing and no one will ever get that close to you, ever. If I have to take myself off a case or leave the force altogether, I will. Nothing is more important to me than you and our future together, ok?"**Kate knew she meant every word. She would leave the force if Alex asked her to. She'd do whatever it took to keep her and their family safe.

Alex gazed deep into Kate's eyes, **"You mean that? You'd leave the force for me and our baby if it came to that?"**She couldn't believe Kate would actually consider that. After all, Olivia had always been adamant about never leaving her job for any reason, not even if someone was trying to kill her. It always made Alex worry about their future as a couple.

Kate smiled, **"Yes, I would. If it meant keeping you and our family safe, I would. Nothing means more to me than that." **

Alex leaned forward and kissed Kate to show her gratitude. She had her arms wrapped around her girlfriend, gently stroking her back.

Kate leaned into the kiss, savoring the contact for several precious moments before she pulled away. **"I love you."**

**"I love you too. Thank you for what you said, Kate...and thank you for not treating me like a flake. I know I've been difficult since we got home."**

Kate raised a hand and stroked Alex's hair, **"I meant every word baby and for the record, you're not a flake. You went through something traumatic and it brought back what you went through when you were shot. I get that, I really do. I'm right here for you, always."**

Alex leaned her head against Kate's forehead and said, **"Would it be ok if we just stayed here for a while? I know you made breakfast, but I just don't think I can eat right now."**

Kate tightened her hold on Alex, **"We can stay here as long as you need to."**She closed her eyes and breathed deep.

Alex caressed Kate's back, her finger drawing circles on the small of her back as she lay there. She wasn't sleepy, she was just quiet and this was exactly what she needed. Kate was here and she didn't have to deal with it alone. She just had to be smart and let her girlfriend in instead of pushing her away.

Kate lay there enjoying the silence, happy that Alex seemed to be letting her in, letting her help, even if all she could do was hold her. Kate took a few moments to think about what she would do if she left the force and she realized that she could go the usual route of private security, but she knew it wasn't her style. Then Kate remembered the business card she had tucked into her desk. One of her cases a few months before she took her vacation to New Mexico had involved a television producer whose husband had been murdered. The killer turned out to be the production assistant he'd been seeing on the side and the producer had given Kate her card, saying that if she ever got tired of chasing bad guys, she'd always have a job as a technical adviser on one of the producer's cop shows.

Kate had begun watching the shows the woman produced and she spotted a few mistakes here and there, but it was generally pretty realistic. She figured if she quit the force to keep their family safe, she could always see if the consultant job was still available. It would definitely be a nice change of pace.

* * *

><p>After about an hour of laying in silence, Alex gently scratched Kate's back and spoke quietly, <strong>"I think I'm getting hungry. Can we go eat?"<strong>

Kate smiled, **"Yeah we can, but I think what I made is too cold to eat. I'll make us more. You want to come help?"**Kate didn't want to leave Alex alone again; it would be too easy for her demons to overwhelm her if she was by herself.

Alex nodded, **"Yeah. I'll just put on something and be out in a minute."**She pulled back from Kate and got out of the bed to go get her clothes.

Kate stood by the door, **"I'll wait for you, if that's ok."**She really didn't want to leave Alex alone, not even for a minute.

**"Sure,"** Alex said, understanding why Kate wanted to stick around. She went to the dresser and took out underwear and pajamas and dressed herself quickly so that they could go out to the kitchen. She walked over to Kate and took her hand, **"There, better."**

Kate smiled when she saw how sexy Alex looked in her pajamas and led the blonde out into the kitchen. She took the plates she'd set out earlier and dumped the cold, congealed food down the disposal before she turned to Alex and asked, **"Any special requests for breakfast?"**

**"Your specialty..._Malukuao_?"**Alex requested with a sweet smile.

Kate smiled, **"You got it."** Kate had a thought, **"Since you can make it almost as well as I can, you want to help me?"**

Alex smiled and nodded, **"Sure. What do you want me to do?"**

Kate handed Alex a block of cheese, **"Shred this and I'll get started on the eggs, ok?"**

Alex chuckled and saluted, **"Yes ma'am."**She took the cheese from Kate and then grabbed a knife from the drawer to slice the cheese into a smaller portion so that it would fit in the food processor.

Kate began preparing the eggs and together they finished making breakfast in perfect harmony. Anyone looking at them from the outside would swear they'd been cooking together for years.

Alex poured Kate some coffee and set the cup down on the table before joining the detective. She looked down at their plates, **"Looks great as always, baby."**

Kate blushed, **"Thanks honey. Let's eat."** She picked up her fork and picked up some _Malukuao_, **"I like it when we can have breakfast together."**

**"Me too, baby. We need more days like this..."** She stopped and blushed, **"Well, not exactly like this, but you know...where we can have breakfast together."**

**"Yeah, I know what you mean."** She took a bite and chewed slowly as she thought about the best way to tell Alex that she wasn't going to be working for a while. **"Um, well the good news is that for the next few days, I'll be free to have breakfast with you every morning."**

Alex turned, **"What? Did they put you on leave?"**

**"Not exactly, I'm taking a few days off...I have to find a new place to live." **

Alex looked confused, **"Um, no you don't..."**

Kate decided to play dumb, not wanting to assume anything, **"Well, my apartment is a little...blown up right now, so..."**

**"Babe, you have a home right here, with me. There's no point in you going to find something else...because...well, things have been going so well that even if this hadn't happened, I was going to ask you to move in with me..."**

**"Really?"** Kate was still being careful, **"But I thought you said it was too soon?" **

**"No, five months ago it was too soon. Now, I think I feel confident about having you move in."**

Kate looked down at her plate for a minute, trying not to let her emotions overwhelm her. When she was sure they were under control she looked up, **"Are you sure? I mean I would love to live here with you, but only if you're really sure."**

**"Kate, I'm sure. So sure in fact that I've already gotten you a mail key and cleaned out half of my closet to make space for your things. You also have half the dresser now."**she said with a grin.

Kate smiled, **"Really? Then in that case, I would love to move in with you."**Unable to control her happiness, she got up from her seat went to kiss her girlfriend, beyond thrilled that they were taking this next step.

Alex caressed Kate's cheek, **"We can use the next few days to go shopping for you. We'll replace everything that's replaceable and maybe even pick out some new things to make the loft feel more like home for you."**

Kate smiled, **"Honey, all I need to make any place home, is you." **

She blushed, **"Well, me aside, I'm sure you'd like to have things here that represent you, like your comic books, for instance. I want you to feel like this place is ours, not mine."**

Kate frowned, **"Well, the thing is, I kept my comics in the living room so they were destroyed in the explosion. Really the only things that survived were what I kept in my bedroom: the statue, a few books, and some knick knacks."**

**"Like I said, we can always replace what is replaceable, honey. Even if we have to scour all the bookstores and comic shops on the island, we'll rebuild your collection." **

Kate smiled, **"Ok."**

Alex picked up her fork and continued eating her breakfast. **"You know, it's a good thing you let me borrow that Batwoman book Kevin gave you. He would be devastated if it had been blown up."**

Kate nodded, **"Yes it is. I am very thankful that one was here. I'm also very thankful that you weren't there with me. I don't know what I would've done if you had been injured in the explosion. It's bad enough that you got pulled into it at all."**

**"In all honesty, I would've rather gone through that with you than what I went through with him. We could've ducked in the tub and it would've been over, just like that,"** she said, snapping her fingers. **"Quick. Easy. Not spending 24 hours with a lunatic, never knowing if he'd snap or if he'd kill you in front of my eyes and then finish me off."**

**"Well, I would rather have seen you safe in your office or in our bed than anywhere else. Have I mentioned how sorry I am that this happened?"**Kate wished there was a way to fix it and get them back to where they were the night before Dunn had ever come into their lives.

**"Yes, but it's not your fault. It's just...something that happened. Dunn is responsible for this. He just happened to pick Castle's book and he went after you. I'm grateful that you were able to bring him down so that no one else will ever have to suffer at his hand."**

**"So am I."**Kate smiled, truly thankful that Alex was safe. Before she could say anything more, there was a knock at the door. Kate stood up and went over to see who it was.

Castle was standing on the other side with a bottle of mimosas in one hand and a box of gourmet white chocolate dipped strawberries in the other. He figured that Kate and Alex deserved a little indulgence after everything that they'd been through.

Kate looked through the peephole and smiled when she saw Castle standing there. For a moment she was afraid it was someone dangerous. She opened the door and stepped aside to let him in, **"Hey Castle, what brings you here?" **

**"I came by to check on the two of you. How is everything?"**he asked as he walked into the loft.

Kate closed the door behind him and then joined Alex on the couch, **"We're, um...dealing."** She waited until Castle was sitting before she continued, **"Um, Castle, I want to...thank you again, for having my back with Dunn." **

He looked at her with total seriousness, **"You never have to thank me for that, Kate. So long as you and Alex are safe, that's what matters."**

Kate smiled as she rubbed Alex's shoulder, **"Still..."** She let that linger for only a moment before she decided to change the subject, **"So, um, what did you bring?"**

**"Mimosas and strawberries. I figured you might like a little treat,"** he said and set the bottle and box down on the coffee table. **"I promise I won't stay long...you two can enjoy these later."**

Kate smiled at his offerings, but before she indulge, she looked at her watch and noticed the time, **"Um, actually Castle I have to go to the station to close out the case. Would you mind staying here with Alex until I get back?"** Kate turned to Alex, **"Baby, I don't want to leave you but I have to go in and finish this up. You don't mind if Castle stays with you, right?"**Kate hated to leave Alex in such a fragile state, but it couldn't be helped.

**"Of course, I can stay as long as you need,"**he said. He looked at the blonde to make sure she was ok with it.

Alex looked at Kate, **"Yeah, go on ahead, babe. Rick and I will catch up. I feel like we haven't seen each other in days."**

Kate kissed Alex and then hurried to get dressed. Five minutes later, she walked back into the living room and said, **"I'll be as fast as I can. I'm going to use this chance to talk to Montgomery about taking a few days off as well. Call me if you need anything before I come back, ok?" **

**"I will. Be safe, love."** Alex kissed her lips and was tempted to pat her on the bottom in encouragement, but she figured it'd be best not to while Castle was in the room. Once Kate had left, Alex asked Castle, **"How are you doing after all of this?"**

Castle chuckled, **"I think that's supposed to be my question, but I'm ok. It's going to take a bit to get rid of my own guilt over the whole Nikki Heat angle, but I'm glad you and Kate are safe."** He paused, **"How are you?"**

Alex couldn't help the flush that colored her cheeks, **"I've had better days, but Kate is helping me through it."**

Castle nodded, **"She's good at that, being the one who comforts others. I've never seen anyone who has as much compassion as she does when she's dealing with the families of the victims."** He paused a moment, thinking about how to say what was on his mind, **"Um, Alex...there's something you should know about the night of the bombing..."**

She looked at him expectantly, **"What?"**

Castle hesitated, **"Well...you know that Kate was, um, showering when I was trying to call her about Conrad. When...um...well when I broke down her door and found her in the tub she was, um...naked. I promise you I turned away as fast as I could and I didn't try to peek after that, but I saw enough to know she was naked." **

She chuckled, **"It's really not that big a deal Castle. It was an emergency and you were a gentleman about it, I'm sure."**

**"Oh I was, I really was, it's just...I wanted you to know that Kate was very adamant that I not see her naked, which I totally understand. She promised you and under any other circumstances..."**

**"It's all right, Castle, really,"**she said reassuringly. She knew that Kate had no interest in Castle so it didn't really bother her that he saw her girlfriend naked. What mattered was that he got her to safety.

* * *

><p>When Kate arrived at the precinct, she found the FBI agents dismantling the war room, but when she didn't see Jordan aiding the effort, she went to look for her in the next most obvious place. She walked into the break room and called out to Jordan just as she getting a coffee. <strong>"Hey."<strong>

**"Oh, hey,"** Jordan said warmly when she looked up and saw Kate standing there. **"How's Alex?" **

**"She's...coping."** Kate said, not wanting to get into that drama again. **"What's happening with Dunn?"**

**"He's being held in the tombs until we can transfer him to Riker's. The paperwork is moving along nicely."**

Kate nodded, **"Good. Hopefully, he'll be out of our lives forever now."**

**"No question,"** Jordan said with a reassuring smile. She set her coffee down and approached Kate, her voice sincere, **"You know, we wouldn't have caught him if it weren't for you..."**

Kate blushed, **"Well, I had some help."** Then she looked down for a second and humbly admitted, **"I want you to know that I learned a lot from you on this one."**

**"Same here, detective. If you ever want a change of scene, we'd be more than happy to have you on our team,"**Jordan said as she handed Kate her card.

Kate smiled as she took the card in her hand, **"I appreciate the offer, Jordan, but if I ever leave the force it'll be to raise my children with Alex. I don't think I could handle being away from our family like that. Don't get me wrong I admire the fact that you can do this job, but it's not for me,"**Kate said, trying to be honest while still doing her best not to insult or offend the other woman.

**"I completely understand. It's not for everyone, but you really are talented. I hope you stick with law enforcement. By the way, have you seen Castle?"**

**"If that's an option, I certainly will. As for Castle, he's actually with Alex at the loft. I asked him to keep her company while I close out the case."** Then she frowned, **"Why are you looking for him?"**

**"I have something for him...a parting gift, I suppose. I wanted to give it to him personally before I left to the airport."**

**"Oh, um, I can take it to him when I go back to Alex's. I'm planning to take some time off so that I can deal with the aftermath of Scott Dunn versus Nikki Heat."**

**"Oh...extended leave?"**she asked, curious to know how badly this had affected Kate and Alex.

**"Just a week or two..."** Kate explained, **"Alex had some...stuff happen to her in the past and this kind of raked it all back up again. I thought it might be a good idea for the two of us to take some time away from the city."** Kate then changed the subject back, **"So, do you want me to take your gift to Castle?"**

**"Sure. I don't think I'll have a chance to see him before I have to leave. I have something for you as well. You can open it later, if you'd like."** She went over to her briefcase and took out two small packages. **"The blue one is Castle's. This one is yours."**

Kate took the two gifts and smiled, **"For me? Thank you, Jordan."** Kate remembered that she still had to talk to Montgomery so she said, **"Um, I should get going, but have a safe flight home." **

**"Thanks and good luck with everything. I hope the time away helps,"**she said and then took her leave.

Kate watched as she left the break room and then she sighed in relief. It really was over. Dunn was going to be put away for the rest of his miserable existence and she and Alex would be free to move past it.

She walked to the Captain's office, her steps somehow lighter, and she closed the door behind her once he'd asked her to come in. **"Sir, there's something I need to talk to you about."**

**"Of course, have a seat detective,"**he said and leaned against his desk.

Kate sat down and looked at her boss, **"Sir, I'm sure I don't need to tell you the toll that this case took on me. Between Alex getting kidnapped and my apartment being blown up, I feel like I need a few days off to clear my head and get myself back on track. Would it be all right if I took a short leave while I deal with all of this?"**

Montgomery was more than willing to give Kate the time she needed and he nodded enthusiastically, **"Yes, absolutely. After everything you and Alex have been through, I think a few days off is a good idea. We have you covered while you're gone; you don't have to worry about a thing."**

Kate smiled, **"Thanks Captain. I was thinking maybe two weeks, if that's ok." **

**"You sure that's all you want?"**he asked to double check. He didn't want Kate coming back too quickly if she needed more time.

**"Yes I'm sure, but if anything changes, I'll let you know."**Kate hoped it would be enough to get Alex through this, but if not she had enough sick and vacation time to cover a third week.

**"Ok, well, you two enjoy your time and if you need anything, we're here. Don't forget that,"**he said with a warm smile.

**"Thank you, sir."**Kate stood up and left Montgomery's office, but before she left the precinct, she found Ryan and Esposito to give them the skinny on her leave of absence. Once they'd wished her luck and offered her their support, she left the precinct and headed back to the loft.

* * *

><p>She rode up the elevator and smiled at the thought of moving in and living with Alex, spending her life with... Kate suddenly remembered the ring that she'd ordered for Alex was ready to be picked up and for a moment she thought about going down to Tiffany's to pick it up but she was so tired, so she'd leave it for another day. What she really needed was to see Alex and shut out the rest of the world.<p>

Kate got off the elevator and walked to loft door, but before she slipped her key in the lock, she pressed her ear against the door to see if she could hear anything that might signal what was going on inside. All she heard was some light music, so she opened the door and followed the music into the living room where she found Alex and Castle talking quietly. She approached slowly and asked, **"Is this a private party or can I join you two?"**

Alex opened her eyes and smiled, **"Wow, I didn't expect you back so soon. Did everything go ok?"**

Kate smiled as she walked over to the couch and sat down next to her beautiful girlfriend, **"It went very smoothly, which is why it didn't take me very long. Montgomery agreed to give me the time off and Jordan informed me that Dunn is going to be sent to prison for a very long time. No deals for him, he's getting the max."**Kate leaned forward and kissed Alex's cheek to celebrate their triumph.

Alex breathed a sigh of relief, **"Thank God, the last thing I wanted was that guy going up for parole. He deserves the death penalty for what he's done." **

Castle looked at Alex with surprise. He didn't figure her for the type to support the death penalty, but then again, it made sense given the circumstances. For her part, Kate was more than happy to see Dunn get life in prison. She turned to Castle, **"Castle, just so you know, I'm taking about two weeks off. That means you have two weeks off too...unless you want to shadow Ryan and Esposito."**

**"Eh, I think I'll pass. I wanted to spend a little time with Alexis and recover from all the drama. I know I didn't have it half as bad, but you know...a recharge might be good for all of us."**

Kate nodded and then she remembered the gift that Jordan had given to her to give to Castle. She reached into her purse and pulled out the blue box, **"By the way, Jordan asked me to give this to you, a parting gift."**Kate lightly tossed it to him, grinning when he barely caught it.

He looked at the tiny wrapped box and then looked back at Kate, **"Did she mention at all what it might be? A hint?"**

**"Nope, just said it was for you...although she did want to give it to you in person so, who knows?"**Kate grinned.

He shook the box but there was no rattle. **"Hmmm, I think I'll open this later...just to be on the safe side."**

Kate rolled her eyes, **"Chicken. I doubt she'd give you anything dangerous."** Kate turned to Alex, **"How are you doing?"**

**"I'm fine. We've just been listening to some Billie Holiday to calm things down. Castle poured me a very tall glass of mimosa and now I'm very relaxed."**

Kate smiled, she liked seeing Alex calm like this, then she looked over at Castle and silently gave him the signal that she needed to be alone with her girlfriend.

He quickly took the hint and stood up, **"Well I better get going, I promised Alexis we'd go to a movie tonight. Take care ladies, I'll see you soon Kate." **

Kate nodded, **"See you Castle."** He let himself out and Kate smiled at Alex, **"Ok, so now that we're alone...are you sure you're ok?"**

Alex looked at her, **"I'm holding up. But most of what I just said was for Castle's benefit. I didn't want him worrying over me so I did what I could to keep up appearances."**

**"That's what I thought. Um...I was wondering...how would you feel about maybe getting out of the city while I'm off? We could go to Amherst and really relax. How does that sound?"**Kate asked, a little nervous that Alex would say no, but hoping she'd agree.

**"You want to go up to the house? I...I don't know...it's so quiet there...it would give me a lot of time to think..."**

Kate grinned lasciviously and wiggled her eyebrows, **"Trust me, I won't give you time to think...if you know what I mean."**

Alex knew that Kate had her heart set on it so she did the same thing she did for Castle. She relied on the lessons she'd learned as a Cabot and side-grinned, **"Oh really?"**

Kate shifted and straddled Alex, **"Yeah, really. Honestly, I just want us to get away from the city for a bit."** She leaned down and placed a light kiss on Alex's neck, **"I thought maybe if we were up there, just the two of us, it might...help both of us get past this case." **

**"Sure, that sounds great,"**she said, her words carefully measured for the proper inflection and level of enthusiasm. She just wanted to make Kate happy and if this was the way, she'd make it through somehow.

Though Alex had agreed, Kate sensed something wasn't right so she looked into Alex's eyes and noticed that they looked hollow. The enthusiasm that she'd heard in Alex's voice was obviously for show and she realized that Alex was lying about something. **"Alex, honey, what is it? I can tell there's something you're not telling me so just say it. If you don't want to go away, just say so ok? I'm not going to be mad, if that's what you're worried about."**Kate just wanted Alex to open up to her, to be honest with her.

**"It's fine Kate, we can go up to the house,"**she insisted, her lips pulling into a smile.

Kate felt her heart dip in her chest at the realization that Alex wasn't going to tell her the truth, but she didn't let it show. Instead she placed a light kiss on Alex's lips and humored the blonde, **"Ok, good...um, I'm going to get something to drink. I'll be right back."**Kate gracefully lifted herself off of Alex's lap and went to the kitchen to get a glass of cold water.

Alex let out a breath. It wouldn't do her any good to say something to Kate because all it was going to do was make her girlfriend worry and dote on her and she didn't want to be a burden, not after what had happened that morning. She decided to change the subject, **"I was thinking that we could go out tonight."**

Kate walked back into the living room. **"Go out? Ok, where?"**

**"I don't know, a club or something. Somewhere fun,"**she said, watching Kate carefully.

Kate took that in, but in all reality she didn't want to go out, especially not to a loud, chaotic club. She felt like saying something to Alex but then she figured that getting out for the evening might be good for Alex so she came up with a compromise, **"Ok, sure, but instead of a club, we don't we go see a movie and then grab some dinner?"**

**"We could do that here,"**Alex pointed out. She wanted the noise and the crowd of people to fill the space around her and cloud her mind so she wouldn't have to think.

Kate took a breath and realized she was going to have to risk the headache and take Alex to a nightclub if she wanted to keep her girlfriend happy. **"Ok, we'll go to...Merch New York and have a good time, does that work?"**Merch New York was the sister club to the original Merch in Boston and thanks to its location in the West Village, just a few blocks away from where Kate and Alex lived, the lesbians who frequented tended to be of a certain class. Kate figured that if she had to take Alex out, she was certainly going to pick some place nearby that wouldn't get too rowdy.

**"That sounds perfect,"** Alex said as she got up from the couch. **"I'm going to go get ready. We can stop for dinner somewhere nearby. Maybe sushi or Indian?"**

Kate frowned, **"You're going to get ready now? Babe, it's three in the afternoon, we have plenty of time."**Kate now knew something wasn't right but she didn't know how to bring it up without offending Alex.

**"Yeah, well, I thought we could go out now, maybe take a walk, go shopping, just get out,"**Alex said as she started towards their room.

**"Oh...um...yeah o-ok. That sounds like, fun. I'm just going to wait for you out here, then."**Kate had hoped they could spend the afternoon in the house relaxing so that she wouldn't have a bad headache when they went to the club, but it seemed like that wasn't in the cards. She knew that Alex was still having a hard time dealing with the aftermath despite this act she was putting on and Kate knew that she'd have to be the bigger woman and do what she needed to do to help Alex through this. She'd just take a couple aspirins and do her best to burrow through the afternoon.

Alex, meanwhile, went into their bathroom and sat down in front of the mirror to start getting herself fixed up for the evening. She curled her hair, did her make-up, and got dressed in a pair of calf-high boots, a skirt, and sleeveless blouse. She walked out about an hour later and found Kate still sitting on the couch and she asked, **"Is that what you're going to wear?"**

Kate looked down at her dark blue jeans, medium-blue, jewel toned blouse, and her black ankle boots and she didn't see a single thing wrong with wearing that out for shopping or for going out to the club, **"Yes it is. Are you ready to go?"**

**"Honey, no offense, but isn't that a little casual for the evening?"**

Kate thought about that and said, **"Well, we can always stop by here real quick and I can change into something fancier, but for shopping and walking around, this is fine."**Kate wasn't in the mood to change clothes just because Alex didn't like it.

Alex sighed heavily, **"Fine. Let's go then."**She hated that Kate was being so difficult.

Kate stood up and was on her way to the door when she suddenly she took a sharp detour into the bedroom.

**"Where are you going?"**Alex called out.

**"Just give me one sec, I forgot something,"**she yelled back as she walked into their bathroom.

She opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out the bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol to take two tablets before they left for the afternoon. She scooped up some water in her hand from the tap to swallow them and then she stuffed the bottle into the pocket of her jeans just in case she needed them later. She walked back out to the front door where Alex was waiting for her and she forced a smile as she approached her girlfriend. **"Sorry about that, let's go."**Kate reached for her keys and held the door open for Alex.

Alex walked out ahead of Kate, her boot heels clicking a rapid pace as she walked down the hall to the elevator. She pressed the button and tapped her foot as she waited for the doors to open. She didn't want to have to come back so that Kate could change and normally she didn't mind her girlfriend's outfits, but those were her work clothes and she wanted her to wear something a little different for the evening.

Kate saw and heard the foot tapping coming from her girlfriend and on most days she would ask what was wrong, but today a part of her suspected that she was the cause for her girlfriend's irritation and she wasn't willing to start a fight in the hallway. Instead, she just ignored it as she waited for the elevator with Alex.

When the bell rang and the sliding doors opened, Alex stepped in and settled into the rear corner after pressing the button for the parking garage. She looked up at the display where the numbers lit up and waited for the doors to close.

Kate stood in the corner across from Alex and as much as she hated to distance between, she knew that she had to give her girlfriend some space. She could feel the tension between them like electricity, but she wasn't going to rock the boat. All she had to do was get through the rest of the day and then she'd be ok. Kate quietly sighed when she remembered just how early in the day it was though.

Alex kept her hands planted firmly on the railing as the car made its descent. She looked over at Kate when she heard the sigh, **"What?"**

Kate almost let it all out then but decided against it, **"Nothing, just a little tired. It's nothing."**

**"Look, if you don't want to go, just tell me, ok? I can call up my cousin or one of my friends to go with me if you want to stay home."**

Kate turned to look at Alex, **"No, it's fine. I just need some caffeine so maybe we can stop for coffee before we start shopping, is that ok?"**Kate was determined not to ruin the day with her mood.

**"Sure,"** Alex said. The car stopped and the doors opened again. She stepped out and turned to Kate, **"Do you want me to drive?"**

Kate grinned, **"No, I got it. Come on, let's go see what mischief we can get into."**Kate was a bit better at putting on a cheerful face in spite of her mood than Alex and she made the decision to let go of the dark cloud that was hanging over her head in the hopes that she could bring a genuine smile back to Alex's face.

Alex got into the car once Kate unlocked the doors and leaned back against the soft leather seat. She was starting to get a headache, but that was mostly because she knew that Kate was being passive aggressive and she really just wanted to go out without all the other stuff hanging above them. She really did just want to call Janice or Serena, someone who would go out with her and not put her through all of this.

Kate pulled out of the parking garage and turned left to head in the direction of the coffee shop she loved. It was only a few blocks away, but when she saw that Alex wasn't going to make any attempt at conversation, she turned on the radio and drove the rest of the way humming along with the music.

* * *

><p>She pulled up to the coffee shop and turned to Alex, <strong>"Are you coming in or should I just bring you the usual?"<strong>

**"The usual is fine. Thanks, honey,"**she said, offering Kate her first smile since they'd left the apartment.

Kate smiled back, **"Not a problem. I'll be right back."**She got out of the car and walked to the shop grateful when she noticed that the line was short. She stepped up behind a tall, dark haired man and waited her turn.

After a minute she heard a familiar voice, **"Kate!"**Just as she turned towards the voice, she felt the impact on her legs as Kevin ran into them and hugged her.

She smiled as she looked down at the boy, **"Hey kiddo, what are you doing here?" **

Just then Janice walked up to them, **"Hi Kate, sorry about that."** She motioned to her son who was still clinging to Kate's leg, **"He insisted on running over." **

Kate smiled, **"Hi Janice, it's not a problem. So what brings you to this side of town?"**

**"We're on our way to the Brooklyn Zoo. We stopped in to get something to drink for the road. Are you off from work today?"**

Kate nodded, **"Yeah, I'm actually taking a few days off. I'll bet you guys are excited, the zoo sounds like such a fun thing to do."**She started wishing she could join them but she knew Alex wouldn't want to go to the zoo when she had the chance to go shopping instead.

Kevin looked at his mom, **"Can Kate come with us, mom? Please?" **

Janice looked down at her little boy and laughed. She loved when he turned please into a three-syllable word. **"Honey, I'm sure Kate has other plans for her day."**

Kate looked down at Kevin then up at Janice, **"Um, actually, Alex is in the car and we're supposed to go shopping."** Kate saw Janice's eyes light up at the mention of shopping and she had an idea. She turned to Kevin, **"Hey kiddo, can I talk to your mom alone for a minute?" **

Kevin smiled at Kate, he'd do anything for her, **"Sure, I'll go sit over there and finish my hot chocolate."** Kevin walked to a table a few feet away and they kept him in their eye-line as Kate turned to Janice, **"Hey um, I had a thought, and feel free to say no, but Alex really wants to go shopping and I really don't. The thing is, I don't want her to be alone just yet. What do you say we trade? I can take Kevin to the zoo and you can go shopping with Alex? Does that sound like something you might want?"**Kate hoped Janice would say yes, but then she realized that the other woman might actually be looking forward to going to the zoo with her son. She prepared herself just in case Janice decided to say no.

**"Sure, that would be great. I mean, it's not that I don't want to take my son to the zoo, but his dad was actually supposed to take him and he got called away at the last minute. I was supposed to have a 'me' day today but I didn't want to disappoint him. I know he'd love to go with you."**She was so grateful for the stroke of luck. She had spent the past two weeks with Kevin and hadn't really had a day off.

Kate smiled, **"Then I guess it's a lucky day for both of us...provided Alex is ok with the change in lineup."**Kate had a feeling though, given Alex's mood, she might welcome a change.

Just then, the barrista called out to Kate, so the detective went up to the counter to order a coffee for herself and Alex. While Kate was busy giving her order, Janice went to get Kevin so that they could go out to the car with Kate and see if Alex would be ok with the change in plans. Once Kate had the two drinks in her hands, she walked out of the shop with Janice and Kevin and approached the passenger side of the car. Kate set down one of the coffees on the roof of the car and knocked on the window to get Alex's attention.

Alex lowered the window and smiled when she saw her cousins there. **"Hey, what are you guys doing here?"**

**"We're going to the zoo,"**Kevin said excitedly from his mother's arms.

**"Oh, how fun, I bet you're looking forward to that honey." **Kevin nodded.

Kate handed Alex her coffee then said, **"Hey, um, Janice and I were wondering if you'd be ok with a, uh, a change in plans for the day."**

Alex could feel a tightening in her chest and she prayed that Kate wasn't going to suggest they go to the zoo with Janice and Kevin. **"Oh? What's up?"**

Kate smiled, **"I was thinking that maybe Janice could go shopping with you while I take Kevin to the zoo. I thought maybe you and Janice could have a great time and we can meet up later at your place so I can change clothes before we go to the club, what do you think?"**

Alex looked at her cousin and smiled,** "Sure, I think that sounds great, actually. Um, I guess you'll call us when you're done?" **

Kate smiled, **"Well, we'll probably be done before you two clean out the stores, but we'll text you."**Kate opened the door for Alex so that she could go with Janice to her car. Kate was silently thankful that Alex had thought to get the optional built-in booster seats in the back. It would make driving Kevin around much easier.

Alex joined her cousin and smiled, grateful to be going out with someone that actually wanted to go shopping for the afternoon. She looked at Kate and Kevin, **"You two have fun and be safe."**

Kate smiled. **"We will, have a good time."** Kate placed a hand on Alex's shoulder and squeezed gently, not knowing if a kiss, even on the cheek, would be welcome. She watched them walk away before she turned to Kevin, **"Well, looks like it's just you and me buddy. You ready?" **

Kevin smiled the biggest smile he could, **"Yeah!"**Kate opened the back door and pulled out the car seat straps then settled Kevin onto the seat, strapping him in securely. She closed the door and went to the driver's door. She got in and pulled into traffic, heading for the zoo.

TBC...


	27. Shopping and the Truth

**Chapter 27: Shopping and the Truth**

Janice led her cousin to her dark blue Cayenne, curious about the way she and Kate had parted. It was the first time she'd ever seen them not kiss goodbye. They settled into the seats, buckled in, and Janice pulled into traffic. She finally turned to Alex, **"Ok, so, do you want to tell me what's wrong between you two or am I going to have to pull it out in bits and pieces?" **

Alex looked at her cousin, **"I'll tell you, but you have to promise me that anything I say stays between us."** She held up her pinkie like she used to do when they were kids and once Janice wrapped hers around Alex's and shook on it, Alex sighed, **"I've been having a really hard time since the kidnapping and it's not that Kate isn't trying to help me, she is. I just have different needs and what she's offering isn't what I want."**

Janice thought about that, **"What is she offering?"**

**"She wants to go away for a week to Amherst and that's the last thing I want to do. I don't want to disappoint her, but I mean...she should know that I don't want to go."**

Janice nodded to indicate she was trying to understand, **"Well, from what I've read about the kidnapping in the papers, it seems like maybe she thinks that you might need some time away from the city. Some peace and quiet to let it all go."** Janice paused as she made a left turn, **"How much does Kate know about the history of that house?"**

**"Just that it was my parents and I grew up there. Why?"**

**"So you told her about your mother moving there after your dad died?"**Janice needed to know something before she laid out her theory.

**"Yes. Where are you going with this?"**

Janice took a breath, **"For the record, I'm not taking anyone's side here, but,"** she glanced quickly at Alex before turning her attention back to the road, **"Maybe Kate wants to go up to the house because she knows it's where you grew up, that it's where the memories of your mom and dad are the strongest and she's hoping that the atmosphere of the house, the happy memories might be what you need to help you to open up to her and let her help you through this."**

Alex sighed, **"Janice, I know that Kate's intentions are good and maybe that's why she wants to go there, but I don't want to be in a place that's so...detached from everything. I don't want to be surrounded by all that silence, by the ghosts of the past. The only reason I own that house is because my mom died and I..."** She took a deep breath to keep her emotions in check, **"I couldn't be there because I was in the program. I keep thinking how my choices have done so much damage to my life."**

Janice sympathized with her cousin, **"I can see how you'd think that, but can I ask you something?"**

**"Sure."**

**"If you hadn't gone into Witness Protection, if the whole thing with the cartel hadn't happened...where would you be right now?"**

**"I honestly don't know. Still with SVU, I guess. I know where you're going with this Janice. If I hadn't gone into the program, I never would've met Kate and I'd still be unhappy with Olivia or not. I know that, but...what if I had gotten together with someone like Serena instead of Kate? I wouldn't have been put in harm's way again...I'd be safe."**

Janice sighed and then pulled off onto the shoulder and put the car in park. She turned to look at Alex. **"Alex, honey, I love you but you and I both know that you'd definitely still be caught in Olivia's closet. You never would've met Kate and Serena never would've had a chance with you either because you'd still be all doe-eyed over Olivia. That woman had a hold on you that we all saw but didn't know how to break. As for being safe with anyone but Kate, do you really blame her for what happened? Was it really her fault that some psycho snapped and fixated on her? Regardless of who you were with, safe is a relative term. Hell, you were standing right next to Olivia when you were shot, so not even she could keep you 'safe' but I don't see you blaming her for that."** Janice was getting a little upset and she took a breath to calm herself down before she continued, **"Alex...as painful as it was for us to think you were dead and then find out you were alive but in Witness Protection, maybe it was a good thing. It broke Olivia's hold on you and it led you to Kate. Alex, you've finally found someone who loves you, who is willing to do anything for you, and I find it hard to believe that you're willing to throw it all away because you insist on holding onto some illusion of safety. You're smarter than that, I know you are. And yeah, it sucked big time to be shot, to have to be so far away when your mom died, to be alone and so far away from your family, but you're here now. You're back in your real life and you finally found someone who makes you happy...don't run from that Alex. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, let her help you."**Janice finished, not knowing if any of it was getting through to her stubborn cousin, but she was glad that at least she'd tried.

**"What if I'm never ok again, Janice? What if I always freak out or...what if this happens again? I can't go through it again! I can't! And if I had to watch the woman I love get killed because of her fucking job, I'd never survive. I'd die right along with her and you of all people know that once I go down the wrong road, it gets bad. I don't know how to handle all of this and no matter what I tell her, she's not going to listen. She's going to think she knows what's best for me just like your dad, my mom, and Olivia all thought they knew what was best. I am not going to let her do this to me. Not after everything I went through."**

Janice looked at Alex for a few moments, thinking about what she'd just said. **"Alex, you don't know that Kate will react like that. I mean, what if you tell her how you're feeling and she...surprises you by actually listening instead of trying to fix it?"**Janice hadn't known Kate for very long but there was something about her that made her think she wasn't the type to ride roughshod over Alex's feelings.

**"And what if she doesn't? She was almost killed and she's acting like nothing happened. I mean, how can she do that? Doesn't she get how severe that trauma is? She's just going along without a care in the world..."**

Janice looked out the windshield, **"Maybe she just hides it better than most people. Not everyone puts their emotions out there for the world to see. She knows you're going through your own trauma...so maybe she's hiding hers so that she doesn't burden you with it on top of what you're already going through. Did you ever think about that?"**Janice's voice was soft and low, she didn't want Alex to think she was criticizing her or anything like that, but she needed her cousin to understand that people dealt with trauma differently.

**"I don't need her to handle my trauma for me. I need her to freaking feel something besides calm! I want her to freak out just a little! It makes me feel like I'm a nutcase and I shouldn't be reacting like this. Like I should be able to escape to my mom's house and be ok with it and not hate that it's so quiet. I don't like this, Janice, I really don't."**

Janice smiled sadly, **"Sweetie, what good would it do for either of you if you both freaked out at the same time? Isn't it easier when one of you is calm?" **Janice remembered the emotional outbursts she experienced when she was pregnant with Kevin and how her husband, despite the long hours he worked, kept his head and was there to calm her down. She knew that it was usually best when one person could keep their cool while the other was freaking out.

**"No, it's not. Now can we please stop talking about this before I get out of this car and walk home?"**She'd had enough of being told what was best for her.

Janice sighed, **"Alex, you can be so stubborn! Fine, though, I'll let this go for now, but just think about one little thing for me. This little change in plans was Kate's idea. I think it's because she knows she might not be your favorite person right now, especially after the Nikki Heat thing, so she found a way to give you what you wanted. She loves you Alex and something tells me there's nothing she wouldn't do for you."** Janice looked away again, taking a breath before she finished, **"Ok. I'll shut up now, let's go shopping."**They took a short drive to midtown and parked in the Macy's garage before going upstairs to look around.

They spent the next three hours shopping, hopping from Macy's to the shops on Fifth Avenue and then heading back to the loft after Kate called to let them know that she and Kevin were on their way home from Brooklyn. Some retail therapy had helped Alex to forget all about the talk with her cousin.

* * *

><p>Kate and Kevin had spent an hour at the zoo looking at the animals and making funny sounds for them. They were having a wonderful time and once they'd seen all the animals that Kevin was interested in seeing, they went to a nearby park so that Kevin could run around and play on the jungle gym. She kept a close eye on Kevin, but she also took in the environment and reveled in the peace of the moment.<p>

After half an hour of playing, Kevin came over to Kate to let her know he was getting sleepy, so Kate picked him up and carried him back to the car. She buckled him into the booster seat and drove back to the loft after she called Alex and Janice to let them know that she was headed home to put Kevin down for a nap. When they got back to the loft, Kate carried a sleeping Kevin into the master bedroom and put him down Alex's bed and surrounded him with pillows to keep him from rolling off the bed.

She went to the living room and waited for Alex and Janice to return or for Kevin to wake up, whichever happened first. Kate was grateful for the silence and she sat down on the couch to fully take it in.

When Alex and Janice walked into the loft, they found Kate sitting by herself in the living room. Janice looked at the weary brunette and said, **"I take it my son tuckered you out. Is he asleep?"**

Kate smiled up at Janice and said, **"I'm not tired I was just...thinking. And yeah, Kevin is napping in the bedroom. Did you two have a good time?"**

Janice glanced at a silent Alex and then turned back to Kate, **"We found some great sales. My cousin here is quite the hunter. I should probably go get Kevin and take him home. I want to give him a bath and get him to bed early. He has a check-up tomorrow morning."** She disappeared into the bedroom and picked up her son. Once he was comfortably over her shoulder, she walked to the living room and thanked Kate for all she had done. **"You two have fun tonight, ok?"**she said and then left the loft.

Alex set her bags down and sat down in the chair, **"Did you have a good time with him?"**

Kate smiled, **"Yeah we had a good day. What about you?"**

**"It wasn't what I was expecting, but the shopping helped."**

**"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."** Kate stood up then, **"Are you hungry? I can make us some dinner if you want."**Kate took one step to the kitchen, looking down at Alex as she waited for an answer.

**"I thought we were going out?"**Alex asked, her irritation suddenly surfacing.

Kate frowned, **"We are, but I thought we could eat something before we hit the club."**

**"Yeah, so since we're going out, why not go out to eat?"**

Kate smiled, **"Ok we can go out. I'll just go change ok?" **

**"You know what, never mind..."**Alex said as she got up from the couch to go into the kitchen.

Kate watched Alex leave the room and frowned, not knowing what she'd done or said wrong. Kate didn't know if she should follow her girlfriend or leave her alone, but after a few moments, Kate decided to walk into the kitchen. She saw Alex standing by the sink and she leaned against the doorway. **"Alex...please, talk to me?"**

**"What for? You're just going to smile and tell me that everything's fine and that you're going to take care of me and be perfect and ok with it..."**she said as she kept her head down.

Kate took a breath, **"No, I won't. You talk to me and I promise I'll just listen, ok?"**Kate was determined to find a way to get through to Alex...they couldn't go on like this, they had to find a way to get through this and move on...or else it would destroy them and she didn't want that to happen.

Alex slammed her fists down on the granite, **"God! What the hell is wrong with you?"**

Kate jumped at the motion, **"What do you mean what's wrong with me?"**

**"How can you be so fucking rational and calm about all of this? Why don't you just go crazy?"**

Kate took a breath and decided to be honest. **"I can't! Ok? I can't just let myself freak out or go crazy because I don't know if I can bring myself back once I do that. I have to keep my cool or I might do something I might regret." **Despite her words and the passion in her eyes, her voice was low, controlled. She couldn't let herself go like that because she was afraid that if she did...she'd end up hurting someone. Since Alex was the one she spent most of her time with, it didn't take a genius to figure out who would end up hurt.

**"Yeah, well you know what? You're making me nuts with your perfectly measured and controlled way of handling this. You almost died and you're acting like it was just another day at work! Like, oh, hey honey, look, I got a paper cut today. I mean, how can you just bottle it all up? You keep trying to take care of me and all you're doing is making it worse! Everything you're trying is wrong!"**

Kate closed her eyes, **"I'm sorry Alex. I don't know any other way to handle something like this."** She took a breath and then opened her eyes, her focus on the floor, **"When my mom was killed, my dad couldn't handle her death and he started drinking. I didn't have the luxury of falling apart because someone had to be strong and keep him together. And I did. I managed to help him get sober again and he's been doing great, but I didn't have the chance to really break down until a week before I joined the academy. Then I became a cop and it was considered a sign of weakness to let anything affect you, so I just sort of stopped reacting. I know it's not the best thing, but this is who I am Alex. I'm sorry if it's making things worse for you and I wish I could change it, but I can't...I don't know how."** Kate finally looked up at Alex, **"I'm not trying to fix this or fix you and I'm not saying I know what's best for you. All I do know is that I love you and if I could change what happened, if I could've stopped Dunn from taking you and hurting you, I would've."**Kate didn't know what else she could say, so she lowered her head again and waited for Alex's reaction.

Alex shook her head, **"We want opposite things...we need opposite things. I don't think I can get through this your way and it's clear you can't get through it my way. Maybe we just need some time apart..."**

Kate felt her heart plummet in her chest and she didn't like the sound of that. **"H-how much time apart?"** Kate was scared to ask the real question that jumped to her mind, _"Are you breaking up with me?"_She prayed Alex wasn't going to go down that road.

**"I don't know...a few days. Just some time so that we can deal with the trauma and get back to a place where I don't feel like I'm completely crazy and you don't feel helpless and numb. I can stay here and you can go upstate. When we're feeling more like ourselves, we can be back together."**

Kate nodded, not able to say anything as she held back the tears. She turned around, left the kitchen, and went to the hall to get her coat from the closet. She left the apartment with her cell phone in her coat pocket and her car keys in her hand and went down to the garage to get into her car. She pulled out of the garage and drove away from the building, but she didn't really know where she was going. She just drove around for a while until she finally realized who might be able to help her.

She drove to Castle's apartment building and parked in one of the visitor spots, but before she could get out of the car, all of the emotion that she had been bottling up hit her hard and she started sobbing uncontrollably. She kept going over everything in her mind as the tears fell from her eyes: the stalker, the guilt that three people had been killed just so that Dunn could get her attention, the bomb destroying her apartment, Alex getting kidnapped, coming face to face with Dunn, and now, Alex telling her she needed time and space away from her. It was more than she could bear and she felt her soul slowly dying under the weight of it all. The only hope she had of getting out from under the weight was to release it all and then go upstairs to get some support from her good friend.

* * *

><p>Alex stood there in the kitchen and took in what had happened. She knew that Kate would be upset, but she didn't expect her to leave so suddenly. She didn't know whether to go after her or try to call her, but she realized the best thing to do for right now was get in touch with someone that Kate might be more willing to listen to. She took out her cell phone and called Castle.<p>

Castle was relaxing at home, his mother was at her boyfriend, Chet's, place and Alexis was up in her room doing homework. He had just opened a bottle of wine when his cell phone rang. He reached for it and saw it was Alex. His first thought was that something had happened to Kate, but he forced himself to calm down, remembering that Dunn was locked away. **"Hello, Alex? What's up?"**

**"Castle, listen, Kate and I just had an argument and she left without telling me where she was going. I don't know if she's called you, but can you please try and get a hold of her and tell her not to do anything stupid? I know she won't listen to me."**

Castle started to grab his coat, but stopped, **"A fight? Are you ok?"**

**"Yeah, I'm fine, we're just having a difference of opinion and I made a suggestion that she didn't handle too well."**

**"I see. Ok, well...I'll try to find her. Is she in her car?"** Castle's mind was racing with possible places that Kate could be, **"Does she have her cell phone on her?"**

**"Yeah, I think she took it. I'm assuming she drove because she took her keys too. I just don't want anything to happen to her while she's like this."**

Castle reassured her, **"Don't worry Alex. I'll find her and make sure she's safe. I'll text you when I have more information ok?"**

**"Thanks, Castle,"**she said and hung up. She had no idea what else to do to help Kate and honestly, she didn't think Kate would want any help she had to offer. All she could do now was wait.

* * *

><p>Castle hung up the phone and grinned, suddenly thankful for Agent Shaw's gift. She had given him a special password to use on iTunes to download a few 'FBI only' apps like the fingerprint app he'd seen Shaw use and an actual cell phone GPS tracker. He opened the tracker app and once it finished loading, he typed in Kate's cell phone number and hit "locate."<p>

After a few moments, a map of Manhattan popped up on the screen and a red dot started blinking. He zoomed in on the map and when he recognized the cross streets, he realized that Kate must be somewhere in his building. The first place he thought to look was the garage, so he grabbed his coat and left his apartment heading in the direction of the elevator.

When he reached the garage level, he walked to the row of visitor spots and smiled when he saw Kate's car. He walked over to the passenger door and knocked on the window, startling Kate. She did her best to smile, but her eyes were red-rimmed from crying and her cheeks were tear-stained. She unlocked the door for Castle and waited for him to get in so that they could talk.

He sat down in the passenger seat and looked at his friend, his heart breaking at the sight, **"Hey. I heard about your fight...are you ok?"**

Kate felt some irritation rise up, **"Alex called you?" **

**"Yeah, she said I should try and call you to see if you were ok..."**

**"I see..."** Kate huffed, **"I suppose you're on her side too."**Kate knew she was being childish but she felt she deserved to be...especially if Castle took Alex's side in this.

**"Honestly, I have no idea what happened. She just said she made a suggestion and you didn't take it too well. Must've been one hell of a suggestion..."**he said, hoping she'd fill in the blanks.

Kate thought about that and nodded, **"She...she suggested we take some time apart."**She didn't want to say that Alex had dumped her just yet because saying it would make it real.

**"Time apart? That's what she suggested?"** he asked with confusion. **"Why would she do that?"**

**"I don't know. She won't talk to me about what she's going through because it brought up some memories from her past...then she got mad because she wanted me to freak out the way she was and then...we both said some things and next thing I know she's saying we need to spend some time apart. I-I couldn't handle that so I just left."**Kate couldn't clearly remember everything that was said...the only thing that stuck in her brain was Alex's need for time apart.

**"Wow...um, did she say how much time she wants? Are you thinking of giving it to her?"**

Kate looked away, staring out the windshield, **"She said a few days, but...something tells me it could end up being longer. I don't think I have a choice, she obviously doesn't want to be around me right now so what can I do?"**

**"I don't know. I'm not really good at the whole relationship thing...hence the two divorces. I mean, you could go back and try and come up with a compromise or...you could stay here and be with people who care about you and try to work through what you're feeling so that you can get back to a better place. I really don't think she's thinking of breaking up with you. She's probably just as unsure of what to do as you are."**

**"No, I'm not going to push her. I won't be that woman who forces someone to be with her."** Kate turned to Castle, **"Would it be alright if I stayed here tonight?" **

**"Yeah, of course. We have an extra bedroom and I'm sure Alexis will be thrilled to have you stay over. Uh, are you going to call Alex to tell her you're staying here?"**

Kate thought about that, **"No. I'm not calling her."** Kate considered not telling Alex anything to let her stew for the night, but she couldn't do that to her no matter how hurt or angry she was. **"Can you just tell her I'm ok and that I'm spending the night here, just so she doesn't worry? Don't let her try to come over or convince you to hand me the phone, though."**

**"Ok. Come on, let's go upstairs. We were just about to make dinner and you look like you could use something to eat."**He took her up to his loft and once she was settled into the kitchen with Alexis, he went to his office to call Alex.

The blonde answered and said, **"Hey, have you heard from her?"**

Castle smiled at the concern and love he heard in Alex's voice, **"Yes, she's fine. She's spending the night here at my place, ok?"**

**"Oh...um, yeah, good. Uh...I'm sure she's in no mood to talk to me, but can you tell her to call me tomorrow so that we can talk about...well, she'll know what I want to talk about."**

Castle was torn between his loyalty to Kate and his desire to see his two favorite women together again-happy. **"I can pass along the message Alex, but I can't guarantee she'll call you. She's...she's pretty upset. I found her in my parking garage, her eyes red from crying. I-I've never seen her like this. Can I ask you something?"** He paused to think how he wanted to phrase his question. **"Did you tell her you needed time apart because that's what you want or was that your way of trying to break up with her?"**

Alex sighed, **"I asked for time because I feel that's what we need, not because I'm trying to break up with her. I just suggested that maybe some time apart would do us some good. Help us to clear our minds so that we can deal with what happened and not hurt each other."**

**"Oh...well did you maybe say it differently or were you angry when you said it because...she thinks you broke up with her."**Castle was confused, but he wanted to try to help if he could.

**"No and you have to tell her that. I still want to be with her, it's just...we're just in two very different places right now and I thought that she'd feel better if she could handle it her way while I handle it mine, that's all."**

**"Well it sounds like you two have a lot of talking to do...I'm sorry Alex,"**Castle said in a low voice.

**"That's why I want her to call me. I want to sort all of this out so that she understands why I'm asking for time."**

Castle sighed, **"Ok, well I'll give her the message, no promises though. I have to get going, dinner is calling. Good night, Alex."**

**"Good night, Castle,"**Alex said and hung up. She understood now why Kate had taken off in such a hurry, but she hoped that once she had the chance to clear things up, Kate would understand exactly what she was asking for.

TBC...


	28. Coffee and Misunderstandings

**Chapter 28: Coffee and Misunderstandings**

After Alex got off the phone with Castle, she made another phone call to an old friend. She hoped that Serena wasn't busy for the evening because she really needed someone to talk to who would take her side in all of this. She waited for the other blonde to answer the phone.

Serena Southerlyn was in her apartment, bored. Her date for the evening had to cancel and she was at loose ends when the phone rang. She answered it without bothering to check the caller ID, **"Hello?"**

**"Serena, hey, it's Alex. I'm sorry I'm calling at the last minute, but I was wondering if you were busy tonight..."**

Serena smiled at hearing her old friend's voice, **"I always have time for friends who rise from the grave. What's up?"**

**"Um, Kate and I sort of had a fight and she left. Not like break up left, just left to get some space. I was hoping that we could go somewhere and talk. I really just need someone and so far the people on my side seem to be in short supply."**

Serena was instantly on alert, **"Oh my God, um...should I go over or did you want to meet somewhere neutral?"**

**"I'd really like to meet somewhere. I can't stand being here right now. Do you think we could go to that little cafe near the courthouse that we used to go to years ago?"**

**"Of course, um...meet you there in five minutes?"**

**"Sounds perfect,"** Alex said as she went to grab her purse. She hung up and left the loft, catching a cab to meet Serena at the coffee shop. When she arrived, she walked in and found the other blonde standing in line for a drink. Alex placed her hand on Serena's shoulder and smiled, **"Hey."**

Serena turned towards her friend, **"Hey, um...what would you like?"** She indicated to the menu board behind the counter, **"My treat." **

Alex looked up at the menu and said, **"Nonfat latte. Thank you."**

Serena smiled, **"Not a problem, go find us a table, ok?"** Serena's turn came and she ordered Alex's latte along with her own fruit smoothie and two chocolate chip muffins. She took their treats to the table Alex had snagged near the window and sat down. She handed Alex her drink and a muffin, **"Here, I figured you could use something sweet... So, you want to tell me what happened?"**

Alex sighed heavily, **"We just...I don't know. I didn't react so well to the kidnapping and Kate was trying to make things better but everything she suggested just sort of made things worse. We were going to go out for the afternoon and she ended up going with my little cousin to the zoo while I went shopping with his mom. She kept taking Kate's side and telling me that I should talk to Kate and let her know how I was feeling, but I sort of blew up at Kate because she's being so damn calm about things and it just pissed me off."** Alex took a deep breath, **"I told her that we were handling things so differently that maybe it would be better if we took a few days apart so that we could work through our feelings and then once we felt better, we could be around each other again. She just left without saying anything. I knew she wasn't not going to answer my texts, so I called our friend Rick and asked him to keep an eye out for her. She's there with him now and she's worried that I've broken up with her, which I didn't. I just asked for some time to work through this."**

Serena nodded as she listened, and she could understand where Alex was coming from, but she felt she had to say something to make the blonde see things from the other perspective, **"Well, I've never met Kate, but it sounds like she might be one of those people who handles the big stuff by internalizing it."** She could see the look on Alex's face, so she backed off and asked, **"So, what was Kate suggesting that was making it worse?"**

**"She wanted to go up to Amherst and before you think I'm horrible for shooting her down, you have to know that I don't want to be anywhere quiet. I told her that. I need to have things to distract me and honestly, if she needs to handle things by internalizing, I get it, but I can't do that and I don't want to make things any worse by being around her while we're dealing with this. It's going to drive me crazy."**

Serena thought about that, **"I can understand that. Sometimes after something traumatic, silence is the last thing you need. Gives you time to think and replay the event over and over. Sometimes you just need noise, I get it."** Serena paused a moment, **"So she just left? Without saying anything?"**

**"Yeah. She grabbed her jacket and her keys and took off. That was it. I told Rick to tell Kate to call me tomorrow but he said he wouldn't make any promises. I'm not sure what to do, but I really think some time is best."**

Serena reached over and placed her hand on Alex's, **"Give her a couple of days, take the time to work through what you need to deal with and give her the same. Then, you try again...that is, assuming you still want to be with her after all of this."**Serena knew that sometimes, after going through something so awful, people who took time apart ended up never getting back together.

**"I want to be with her, Rena. I still love her. I just...I don't know how to be quiet like her and just hold onto it. She says she can't lose control because of her job, because it's the only way she knows how to function. And I know I'm not doing so well, but I'm going to get help, it's just that in the meantime, I need to be away from the silence."**

Serena nodded, **"Ok. Well you know that I'm here for you, whatever you need ok? I can do the no silence thing with you."**Serena smiled, wanting to be there for her friend.

**"Thank you, Serena. I was starting to feel like I was alone in this. I mean, I know I'm being difficult, I understand that, but telling her didn't help and suggesting time didn't help and I just don't know how else to make this better. I don't want to hurt her any worse than I have, but I don't think she sees that. She thinks I want out and I don't."**

Serena shifted her chair and wrapped an arm around Alex's shoulder in comfort, she touched her head to Alex's, **"I know that feeling. Not knowing how to help someone or express what you need. Been there, done that, have the broken relationships to prove it. But if she loves you, she'll wait for you."** Serena ran her hand up and down Alex's arm. **"In the meantime, you need to do whatever it takes to make it through this so you can go back to her, whole, m'kay?"**

**"Thanks, Serena. I knew it was the right thing to call you. I just needed someone to tell me that I wasn't crazy for wanting some time. I love Kate and I don't blame her, I'm just very damaged from before and it makes me behave irrationally."**

Serena smiled, **"I don't think you're crazy Alex. It's natural to need some time to adjust after something like this..."** Serena paused to take a sip of her coffee, **"Though you might want to let Kate know you don't blame her for what happened when you're ready to get back with her." **

**"I know. I didn't really say much to her except to tell her how irritated I was with her. I am going to tell her I'm sorry as soon as she'll take my calls. So, I was thinking maybe we could go to a movie or something, if you're up for it. I don't want to go back to the loft yet."**

**"Yeah, a movie sounds good."** Serena got serious, **"I just hope that what you're ready for that reconciliation, Kate is too and she's willing to listen."**

* * *

><p>Martha Rodgers was on her way from Chet's apartment to her son's so that she could spend some time with her granddaughter, when she happened to glance into the window of the coffee shop she was passing by. It was a casual glance, something everyone does out of idle human curiosity, but what she saw made her stop for a moment. She took a step back and sure enough, there was Kate's girlfriend sitting close to a very pretty, young blonde, smiling and holding hands with her. Martha's heart sank and she had to wonder if Kate and Alex had broken up or if Alex was cheating on Kate.<p>

Martha moved to the curb to hail a cab. The sooner she could get to her son's loft, the better. She needed to talk to him and see if he knew anything about what was going on between Kate and Alex.

* * *

><p>Castle was sitting in the living room with Kate and Alexis playing a game of Texas Hold 'Em, but much to his chagrin his daughter was beating him to a bloody pulp. Kate had agreed to deal a few hands and was just about to turn the River card when the front door opened. It was Martha. Castle looked over his shoulder when he saw Alexis shoot up like a rocket and said, <strong>"Hi mother...I thought you had a date with Chet tonight."<strong>

Martha nodded distractedly at her son as she took off her coat, **"Yes well, I canceled... I saw something..."** She drifted off as she looked up and saw Kate sitting at the table, a deck of cards in her hand. She hugged her granddaughter then said, **"Um, Alexis honey, could I have a moment alone with Kate and your father?"**

**"Sure, Gran,"**Alexis said, immediately noticing that something was very wrong. She went up to her room and turned on the music so they'd know she wasn't eavesdropping.

Castle stood and looked at his mother, **"What's going on? What did you see?"**

Martha walked to the table and sat down looking at Kate sympathetically, **"Kate, darling, is everything alright with you and Alex?" **

Kate looked at Martha and then glanced at Castle for a second before she looked back to Martha, **"Um...as well as can be expected after the Nikki Heat case, why?"**

** "I saw her...I was passing by a coffee shop downtown and she was there...with another woman and...they were holding hands. I thought maybe I was seeing things, but I wasn't..."**she said, knowing this was going to hurt Kate, but also understanding that it might be better to tell her than hide it.

Kate felt the blood drain from her face and her heart constricted in her chest. Alex was out with another woman? Alex was holding hands with another woman? The first thought that crossed Kate's mind was that she had called her ex and she suddenly felt sick. The brunette stood up and left the room, going to Castle's home office and closing the door behind her. She didn't want to break down in front of Martha and Castle...it wasn't her style.

Castle looked at his mother, **"Did you have to do that? You don't know who that woman was and now you've freaked Kate out."**

Martha was genuinely upset, **"I'm sorry darling, but I thought she should know. I know that if it were me and one of you saw Chet holding hands with another woman, I would want to know."** Martha looked to the office door, **"Should I go in there and...say something?"**She didn't know if Kate would want to talk to her, but she figured that as a woman maybe the brunette might prefer her over her son.

**"No, I think I should. I'll see if I can get her to come out and then we can all talk."** He walked to his office door and knocked, **"Kate?"**

Kate was curled up in Castle's office chair staring into space. The tears wouldn't come but the visual images were there in full force. She could see Alex and a faceless woman in a wide variety of poses and situations, each one more intimate than the last and she was just about to drive herself crazy when she heard a knock on the door followed by Castle's voice. She forced herself to focus and she said, **"Castle, can I just have a few minutes, please?"**

**"Kate...we don't know who she is. She's probably just a friend,"**he said, trying to reassure her.

Kate closed her eyes and while his words made sense, her heart wouldn't let go of the idea that Alex was with her ex-girlfriend. Kate walked to the door and opened it, her jealousy and insecurity making her voice come out angry, **"You don't know that Castle. I know who she's with and right now all I want to do is find them and stake my claim on Alex...Thing is, I don't even know if I still have one."**Kate turned away and went back to where she had been sitting, her energy gone after her outburst.

Castle walked up to her and sat on the desk, **"She's not leaving you Kate. She made that really clear. Maybe you should talk to her, tell her that you're willing to give her time. That might get her to be nicer, you know?"**

Kate got angry again, **"I'm not the one who wanted space and I'm not the one who called her ex the minute she was alone again, so I am certainly not going to be the one to call her. She wanted time and space, that's what she's going to get. First thing tomorrow, I'm leaving the city and I don't know when I'll be back."**Kate turned away and wanted to storm from the room, but she knew it was a childish move and she was already veering too close to immature behavior.

**"Are you sure you want to do that, Kate? You don't know if she's with her ex. When I talked to her, she wanted to make sure you were ok and when I told her you thought she was breaking up with you, she got really upset. She loves you Kate. I know it doesn't seem like it, but she does."**

Kate took a breath, **"I know she loves me Castle, but she doesn't want to be around me right now. She blames me for the kidnapping because Dunn was fixated on me and he used her to get to me. She wants time and space...and because I love her with everything I have, I'm going to give her what she wants...it's all I can do."**Kate looked down at the floor, her heart hurting as she explained her decision to Castle.

**"Do you...want to tell her that? Do you want me to? I don't want to see you guys get hurt because you aren't communicating. I know she started it, but you'll be the better person."**Castle opened his arms in case Kate wanted a hug.

Kate accepted Castle's hug as she thought about what he'd said. She shook her head, **"No. She knows where I'll be when I leave the city and all I want you to tell her is that I'm safe and...that I still love her, ok?"**Kate didn't want to make it seem like she was pushing Alex or trying to manipulate her, but she also didn't want her to worry.

**"Ok, you got it,"** he said as he held her tight like a big brother. **"Do you want to go out there with my mother and Alexis? Or do you want to go rest?"**

Kate drew comfort from the hug then pulled back and said, **"I'm really tired, would it be ok if I just went to lie down for a bit?"**

**"Sure. Your room is all ready for you. If you want to watch TV, you have 500 channels to pick from and if you still can't find anything, we have tons of movies. I'll tell mom and Alexis that you're going to lay down."**

Kate smiled at him. Castle was just like a little boy with his technology and his toys and she loved that. **"Thanks Castle. You're a great friend. I'm sorry for the mini meltdown."**Kate began walking to the door to go upstairs.

**"You never have to apologize for that, Kate,"** he said with a smile and watched her go upstairs to the guest room. He went out to talk to his mother and said, **"No mention of this other woman if she comes back down tonight, got it?"**

Martha had watched as Kate made her way up the stairs, a small polite wave her only indication that she'd seen her at all. Martha looked at her son, her eyes sad, **"I promise."** But then her curiosity got the better of her, **"What's going on between her and Alex though?"**

**"Alex isn't handling the post traumatic stress very well and she basically told Kate she thought it would be good if they took some time apart. Kate's devastated and now you coming in and telling her about this other woman only made things worse."**

Martha lowered her eyes as the guilt compounded on itself and pressed down on her heart. **"Oh my god, I had no idea. I... wait a minute, if all Alex wanted was time apart, presumably to deal with her PTSD, why was she with some blonde bimbo holding hands over coffee?"**Martha was confused but she found herself firmly on Kate's side, even if she wasn't fully versed on the situation. It didn't make sense to her that Alex would be out with someone else if she just wanted space.

**"I don't know. I told Kate that maybe she was a friend, but who can really say? I know this is going to sound so unlike me, but this whole situation is between Kate and Alex. We just have to be there for Kate no matter what happens."**

Martha looked at her son carefully, it wasn't like him to stay out of something like this, but she knew he was right. **"Ok, whatever she needs, she can count on me. Oh but I do hope they work this out and stay together. They're so good together, I can tell just by looking at them that they are really in love."** She walked to her son and gave him a hug, **"I'm proud of you for staying out of it and for not letting your own crush on Kate influence that decision, kiddo."**

**"I wouldn't do anything to come between them. Not like I have a shot with her, but I would never try anyway. She's a good person and she deserves only the best, whatever that may be."**

* * *

><p>Across town, Alex and Serena were leaving the movie theater, the balmy air filling their lungs as they walked down the sidewalk. <strong>"Wow...three hours later,"<strong> Alex said with a chuckle, her eyes adjusting after wearing 3D glasses the whole time. **"Remind me not to eat anything before we do that again, the 3D made me nauseous."**

Serena laughed, **"I know the feeling. It was a great movie, but...I think I might be getting too old for blue aliens in 3D."** Serena stopped walking, **"Oh god, I did not just say that, did I?"**

Alex laughed, **"Yeah, you did. It's ok, my girlfriend still"** She lowered her eyes and bit her lip. **"Um, never mind."**

Serena placed her hand on Alex's arm, **"Hey, you can talk about her with me if you want or need to ok? I'm here for you."**

**"It's just that...I don't even know if she's going to be my girlfriend anymore. She was really upset and I don't think she's going to listen to anything I have to say. What if this is the end of...us?"**

Serena took a breath, **"Hey, if she loves you, this isn't the end. You just might have to make an extra effort is all. But you have to think positively."** Serena paused as she looked away, **"And, if the worst case scenario happens and it is over...I'll always be here for you and I'll help you through it, ok?"**

Alex looked at her friend and smiled, **"Thanks, Serena. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty beat...the only thing is, I really don't want to be alone..."**

Serena put her arm around her friend and said, **"Well you can crash at my place if you want or I can crash on your couch, your choice."**Serena was determined to be there for her friend.

**"We can go back to my place. We have two extra bedrooms...well, technically one. The other is supposed to be a nursery someday,"**she said with a hint of melancholy.

Serena smiled, **"Ok you got it. Come on, let's go."**Serena lifted her arm and hailed down a cab to take them the 20 blocks back to Alex's loft. In the cab they were silent because Serena didn't know what to say. She just waited for Alex to start conversation because she thought it might be better for Alex to take the lead tonight.

Alex was tired, that was about all there was to say about it. She wanted to talk, but she didn't want to talk about the situation with Kate anymore. She wanted to talk about something else so she finally spoke up, **"So, I have a secret that I really want to tell someone..."**

Serena looked to Alex, **"Really? Well I'm here to listen. I promise not to tell anyone." **

**"I...I called Jack McCoy to ask for a temporary transfer from Homicide. I need to do something away from there for a while."**

Serena nodded, **"I think that might be a good idea. It would help you get some space from Kate. Did you ask him for SVU again?"**Serena wondered if Alex had decided to run back to Olivia in this moment of crisis.

**"No, I just asked for whatever happened to come up. At this point, I'd even take Appeals and I told him so. I just want something else..." **

**"Have you considered just taking some time off? Taking a vacation, maybe to Vegas and take in some shows and gambling?"**Serena asked, only half joking.

**"I'm not sure how well I'd do on vacation by myself. I think I'd rather just go to work."**

**"Who said anything about by yourself? I'd go with you...if you want. We can have a blast on the Strip,"** Serena smiled. **"But if you think working will help I won't stand in your way."**Serena had left the DA's office years ago and now she had her own private practice where she focused primarily on advocating for the GLBT community.

**"You'd want to go on vacation with me?"**Alex asked with some surprise.

The cab pulled up to Alex's building and they got out after Serena paid the fare. She followed Alex up to her loft and once they were inside, she turned to her friend, **"Why is that such a surprise? I told you, I'm here for you, whatever you need. It's not like I can't get the time off from work, after all I _am_ the boss."**She grinned.

Alex chuckled, **"I know, it's just...it was a bit of a surprise, that's all. Um, can I get you anything? Wine or something?"**

**"Um...wine is good."** Serena walked to the living room and looked around the room, her eyes falling on a small statue. She smiled at the imagery, **"Alex, this place is amazing. Did you decorate it yourself?"**Serena turned when she heard Alex walking toward her, two wine glasses in her hands.

Alex handed her one of the glasses and said, **"Um, mostly. I had some help from Kate. We were going to get her moved in here after her apartment was destroyed, but...then I was kidnapped, so we haven't really talked much more about it."**

Serena nodded, worried she'd opened a sore wound. **"Oh, I see."**She took a sip of her wine, determined to not say anything else that could cause any more trouble.

**"It's weird...everything just changed in a heartbeat and now...I'm not sure if the future I was envisioning is going to happen."**

Serena lowered her head, **"You can't think like that Alex."** She looked up at Alex and met her eyes, **"You have to believe that this will work out. You love Kate and I'm sure she still loves you...just take the time you need, she takes her time and then, you fight for your woman."**

**"Yeah, that didn't work out so well the last time, or have you forgotten?"**

Serena arched her eyebrow, **"I know you're not talking about Olivia... Alex you should know better than to compare what you had with Olivia to what you have now. Olivia wasn't right for you."**Serena wished Alex could see that her thing with Olivia wasn't worth using as a measuring stick.

**"What if it's the same with Kate? I mean, we fell in love quickly and we've never faced anything like this. What if it's too much? What if this moment is like Olivia not coming out of the closet? I didn't get my way and I slowly pushed Liv away until I was shot and then...it didn't really matter anymore. I was unhappy because I didn't get what I wanted. Maybe the problem is me."**

Serena thought about that for a moment. **"So...what do you want? If I was Kate and she was sitting here willing to listen, what would you tell her you wanted?"**

**"I would tell her that I want to get back to the way we were before...but I know that's impossible. I really think that we both need some therapy and then, maybe once we're healed, we can talk about our future again."**

Serena hadn't been a fan of therapy since she'd come out to her parents in high school and they sent her to a shrink to "straighten her out." **"Alex, I don't know Kate, I never met her, but would she even be open to therapy? I mean, I remember the cops I worked with when I was in the DA's office and let me tell you, it seemed like all cops hated shrinks."** She took another sip of wine, **"I think you're right though, about it not being possible to get things back to how they were before, but they can be made better. Personally, I think you should take a few days apart, give each other some space then try to see if she'd be open to therapy and fixing your relationship."**

**"You're right. I think that I just have to give her some space...maybe I'll call her in a couple of days when she's had some time to process and cool off."** She yawned and looked at the wine, **"Sorry, I guess the wine got to me..."**

Serena smiled, **"It's ok. We should probably get some sleep anyway. I have a client meeting in the morning so I'll be leaving here early that way I can swing by my place for a change of clothes. For tonight though, just point me in the direction of the guest bedroom, ok?"**

Alex stood up and said, **"I'll show you. Come on."** She led Serena down the hall to the guest bedroom and said, **"Do you need some pajamas?"**

**"No, I'll just sleep in my boxers and t-shirt. Thanks though. Good night Alex. If you need anything, you know where I am."**Serena smiled, then hugged her friend before slipping into the bedroom.

Alex made her way to her bedroom after she heard Serena's door close and there it was, the silence and the absence of Kate. She went to the drawer and took out a t-shirt, one of Kate's, and slipped it on, the brunette's scent thick. She knew she was the one who asked for space, but she was starting to wonder if it was the right thing. She had behaved irrationally and she was downright mean to Kate. She just hoped that somehow her lover could forgive her.

Serena slipped into the guest bed and lay there staring at the ceiling. Part of her was tired and needed sleep, but a bigger part of her wanted to stay awake, alert in case Alex needed her. After an hour of waiting though, she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore and she fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, across town, Kate was lying in the bed in Castle's guest bedroom, wide-awake. She kept going over her last conversation with Alex in her head. It was on a loop. Eventually Kate concluded the only thing she could do to help her girlfriend was give her what she asked for, time and space. Then, Kate remembered Martha's words about seeing Alex with another woman and it hurt to think that Alex might've gone running to her ex at the first sign of trouble in their relationship.<p>

Kate didn't fight the tears but she did bury her face in the pillow so no one would hear. She cried and cried and eventually, her crying wore her out and she fell asleep. The tears were still fresh on her face and her hand was pressed against her lips, Alex's ring resting on her lower lip, as she finally found some rest.

* * *

><p>The next morning when Alex woke up, she got out of bed and put on her robe. She went down the hall and expected to find the guest room door closed, but when she found it open and the bed made, she sighed. True to her word, Serena had gotten up early to go home and get ready for the day. Alex went to the kitchen to brew some coffee and found a pot already made with a note nearby.<p>

_"Al, I hope you don't mind, but I needed some coffee to get my day started. I left it warmed for you cause I'm sure you do too. Sorry I didn't say good-bye, but you know you can always call me whenever you need me. I hope today is better than yesterday. You deserve a break. Call me soon, ok? -S"_

Alex set the note down and with a sad smile poured herself some coffee.

Kate woke up early the next day and slipped out of Castle's apartment, sending him a text explaining she was getting away from the city for a few days and wanted to get an early start. She stopped at a small cafe and got a coffee and croissant and then drove to Tiffany's to pick up the ring she'd ordered for Alex. She managed to get there just as they were opening and she waited patiently while the saleslady got her ring from the back. She laid down her credit card to pay for it after everything passed her inspection and then she left Tiffany's and sat in the car for a moment. There was an internal debate going on between her heart and her head. Her heart wanted to see Alex one more time but her head was telling her to just get out of town. Naturally her heart won out and Kate drove to the loft, parking down the block so that Alex wouldn't see her but she could see Alex. Kate sat and waited, praying that Alex had come home and spent the night alone...She didn't want to think that Alex had spent the night with the woman that Martha had seen her with at the coffee shop. Kate settled into her seat, willing to wait as long as it took to catch a glimpse of the blonde.

After having some breakfast, Alex went to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for the day. Since Kate was gone, she thought the best thing to do would be to stop by her office and get her paperwork in order just in case McCoy called her in the next couple of weeks. She got dressed and called a car service to pick her up. The driver arrived downstairs about 10 o'clock and Alex went downstairs to meet him. She got into the backseat and instructed him to take her to Hogan Place.

Kate was about to give up, convinced that Alex had spent the night at that woman's place and wasn't going to come home until later, when she saw a black car pulled up to the building. A minute or two later, Alex emerged from the building and Kate's eyes hungrily followed her every move. She dimly registered that Alex looked about the same, there wasn't that extra bounce in her step Kate would expect if she'd spent the night with someone and Kate breathed out a sigh of relief as Alex got in the car and rode away. Just as she reached for the key to turn the car on, her cell phone rang. She looked down at it as it rested on the console between the seats and it was Castle. Kate reluctantly hit the answer button, **"Hi Castle."**

**"Hey, where are you?" **

Kate didn't want to admit where she was so she said, **"I'm uh, in my car. I told you in my text, I'm leaving the city. Why, what's up?"**

**"We're worried about you, that's all. You took off this morning and I know you're ready to get out of the city, but maybe you should meet me for lunch and then you can go."**

**"I appreciate the concern Castle but there's nothing to be worried about. I wanted to get an early start and, uh, I'm already half way there,"**Kate lied, not wanting to let Castle know where she was. It would seem a bit stalker-like.

**"Oh. Well, when are you coming back into the city?"**

Kate stalled, **"Um...I don't know Castle, probably not for a few days. I just need some time alone to think about things and if I stay in the city, I'm going to try to see Alex before she's ready and it will do more harm than good."**

**"Well, since there's no talking you out of it, how about you give me a call when you get back to the city so that we can go for lunch or something? And in the meantime, if you need someone to talk to, you know I'm here for you 24/7."**

**"Thanks Castle. I just need a few days of silence to calm my brain is all. I'll call you when I get back and we'll have lunch...or something. I have to go now though I'm driving. Bye Castle."**Kate needed to get off the phone and on the road.

He hung up, worried about his friend, but he knew that she knew what was best. He'd keep his phone on him at all times just in case she called.

TBC...


	29. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**Chapter 29: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back**

After two days of complete silence from Kate, Alex decided to try calling her one more time. She waited patiently after dialing Kate's number for her girlfriend to answer.

Kate was sitting in the living room of the Amherst house watching television. After two days of blissful peace and a relaxed routine, she was ready for some outside noise, so she decided to see what was on. She found a marathon of _Bones_on TNT and during one of the commercial breaks her cell phone rang. She looked at it, thinking it was Castle again.

When she saw Alex's beautiful face smiling up at her from the phone's caller ID she considered letting it go to voicemail again but Alex had called at least three times before and she couldn't ignore her any longer. She picked up her phone and answered, **"Hello?"**

Alex's breath hitched in her throat when she heard Kate's voice and she tried to keep her voice steady, **"Hey. I didn't think you'd pick up. I was just going to leave you another voice mail."**

Kate smiled at hearing Alex's voice, **"I can always hang up and you can try again."**

**"No, that's ok,"** she said with a chuckle when she heard the upbeat tone in Kate's voice. **"Um, I wanted to let you know that I'm going to have some time off tomorrow afternoon and...I thought maybe we could talk."**

Kate didn't like the sound of that...wanting or needing to "talk" usually meant a break up was inevitable. **"Why not talk now, what do you want to talk about?"**Kate's voice was serious without being cold.

**"I don't want to do this over the phone. We really need to talk about what happened and where we go from here. Please, will you come tomorrow?"**

Kate closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. **"Where? The loft or..."**

**"No, um, my office. I have a couple of hours between cases and I don't want to waste time going home and then coming back."**

Kate didn't like the thought that Alex was fitting her in between more important things but she swallowed it down and realized it was the best solution. Besides, meeting in the office would help her avoid the temptation that being in the loft would provide. **"Fine. I'll meet you in your office tomorrow...what time?"**

**"One. Normally I wouldn't ask you to come to my office in the middle of the day, but I don't really want to wait until after work to see you. I hope you understand,"**she said, knowing that her suggestion was unconventional, but necessary.

**"Ok, I'll see you at one then."** Kate paused a moment. **"Are...are you ok?"**

Alex was taken aback by the question, but she opted to answer honestly, **"I'm better in some ways, worse in others. How are you?"**

Kate wanted to say she'd be better if Alex was there with her but she wasn't that brave so she just said, **"I'm...ok."**

**"I'm sorry about the way I treated you that day, Kate. I hope you know that I wish I could take it back."**

Kate felt the tears spring to her eyes as she remembered that day, but then she also remembered that Alex had been out with someone later that night. She took a breath, **"We'll...talk about this tomorrow Alex, ok? Face to face."**

**"Ok...um...I love you,"** she said, though she wasn't sure how Kate would take it. **"I'll see you tomorrow."**

**"I'll see you tomorrow Alex. Goodnight."**Kate hung up the phone and let all her emotion come out. She liked hearing Alex say she loved her but until she could see her eyes and hear the truth about that other woman...she wouldn't let herself believe it, not completely. She still hugged the words close to her heart, her tears falling and blurring her vision.

Alex was stung by the abruptness and she hated that Kate didn't say "I love you" back. She was worried that her actions were going to be the cause of their breakup, but if it happened, she knew she couldn't blame Kate. The brunette had only done everything she could to be nice and Alex had done everything to push her away. If she ended up alone, it'd be her own fault.

* * *

><p>The next day Kate woke up on the couch. She had fallen asleep there after another bout of tears, too tired to head to the bedroom. She stretched her neck to work out the kinks then went to shower and get dressed.<p>

By 10:30, she was ready to head back to the New York so she got in her car and took a breath. She glanced at the glove compartment then took the ring box out of her pocket and put it inside. She didn't want it on her when she was talking to Alex because she might be tempted to gloss over everything and propose. Kate started the car and pulled out of the garage. She drove down the long front drive and got out to the road, grateful that she had the next three hours to think about what was going happen when she saw Alex again. Unfortunately, the time passed in the blink of any eye and before long, she pulled into an empty visitor spot in the garage of the DA's office.

She left the car and checked her watch, 12:55, and she took the elevator up to Alex's floor. She was a few feet from the door when the nerves returned. She stopped to take a breath then walked to the door and knocked on it.

Alex looked at her watch and when she saw that it was 1 o'clock, she felt her blood run cold. It was Kate; it had to be. She got up from her desk and went to the door, her body tense as she turned the knob and found Kate on the other side. She couldn't help but smile, even through her nerves, when she saw the brunette standing there. **"Hi."**

Kate smiled when she saw Alex, **"Hi...can I come in?"**

**"Yeah,"** she said with a nod. She closed the door and locked it once Kate was inside. **"Um, do you want some water or something?"**

Kate walked to the couch against the far wall and sat down, **"No, I'm fine."** She looked up at Alex, **"What did you want to talk about, Alex?"**If Alex was going to break up with her, she wanted to get it over with.

**"I wanted to apologize for everything I put you through on Monday. I was wrong and I acted like a total bitch. I had no right to impose my point of view on you or to get upset just because we handle things in different ways. You were trying to help me and I did everything I could to push you away. I can never take back all that I did to hurt you...I only hope that you can forgive me,"**she said in a quiet, sorrowful voice.

Kate looked down, thinking about what Alex had said. She turned her head and looked at the window, **"So...you didn't ask me here to break up with me?"**Kate's voice was low and a little scared.

Alex sat down next to Kate and although she wanted to touch her knee, she held back and said, **"No, of course not. I love you, Kate."**

Kate turned to Alex and she saw the honesty in her eyes. Everything else seemed so insignificant in that moment. Kate placed her hand on Alex's knee, savoring the contact as she said, **"I love you too Alex. I've missed you so much these last few days. It...it hurt when you asked for time and space away from me, but I figured you needed it so I gave it to you. I missed you this whole time." **

**"I wish that I had just been honest with you about my feelings. I know you would've done anything to help me and it didn't have to go this way. Can you forgive me?"**

Kate smiled, **"For pushing me away, yelling at me...I can forgive you. For expressing your feelings and asking for what you really needed? There's nothing to forgive. But Alex, this can't happen again. We have to be able to talk to each other and work things out together."** Kate turned serious, **"I want us to have our life together but if we can't work it out every time something big happens, then I don't know how long we can last."**It hurt her to say that but she needed Alex to know how she felt.

Alex nodded, **"I know. I was wrong and I can admit that. I fell back on my old habits and I guess...I didn't want you to think I was crazy for reacting the way I did. It really bothered me that you were so calm. It felt like it didn't mean anything to you and I know now that's not the case. I...thought maybe we could go to counseling to help us deal with traumatic things. You could learn to show your emotions and I could learn to trust you with my damage and find ways to break my old, harmful behavior."**

Kate thought about that, **"It sounds like a good idea, but Alex, the reason I suggested going to Amherst is because when I let my emotions out, I tend to get loud. I didn't want to do that at the loft where the neighbors could hear and end up calling 911. While I was in Amherst and I let it all go. I was willing to let you see that, if you had come with me."** Kate stood up and walked to Alex's desk, leaning back on it, **"I would never think you're crazy based on your reaction to trauma. I never thought you were crazy, I just...I just wanted to help you. I wanted to...I thought I could be enough for you...it hurt to find out I wasn't."**Kate looked down, her voice almost a whisper.

**"It's not that you're not enough Kate,"** Alex said, getting up from the couch. She needed to look into Kate's eyes. **"It's that I was terrified that once you saw how fucked up I really amyou'd leave me. You were handling things so well and I wasn't. I didn't want to fall apart in front of you because I didn't want to lose you and...ironically look at what happened. I pushed you away even when you embraced me. I was so stupid."**

Kate looked up at Alex her eyes sad, **"I see. So you didn't trust me to not walk away if you let me in to see you at your worst?"**

**"I got scared and I reacted out of that fear instead of trusting you. I'm so sorry, Kate. I should have known better, but I just...my past doesn't make it easy. I'm ready to work through it, though. I've called an old friend of mine and he's given me the name of a very good therapist. I'm going to start working with her soon."**

Kate smiled and placed her hand on Alex's cheek, leaning closer, **"I love you Alex."**Deciding to put aside everything else for the moment, Kate chose instead to do what she did best...she staked her claim on her girlfriend with a kiss.

The phone on Alex's desk began ringing then and she reached for it after four rings. She cleared her throat and spoke in a professional voice, **"Cabot"**

**"Alex, it's Jack. I hope I'm not interrupting anything,"**he said, worried that something was going on since it'd taken her so long to answer.

**"Stop, stop,"** Alex said as she covered the mouthpiece of the phone. She pulled away for a moment so that she could turn her attention to her boss, **"Sorry Jack. Go ahead."**Alex was silent for a few moments while Jack explained to her that there was a sudden opening in SVU after their new ADA, Kim Greylek, had been called back to Washington by the new administration.

**"It's up to you whether you want it. I know you were pretty adamant about not going back to SVU, but it's what I've got..."**

Alex thought about it for a split-second and said, **"No, I'll take it. I don't really want to wait for something else. When do I start?" **

**"Immediately."**

**"Are you kidding?"**she asked with surprise.

**"No. We have a bit of a mess happening and we need someone on it right away. Come by my office and I'll brief you on everything."**

Kate hovered over Alex's neck, her lips mere millimeters from Alex's silky skin. She listened with one ear to Alex's conversation, the rest of her was focused on listening for the tell tale click that indicated Alex had hung up the phone and she could continue with what she was doing. When she heard Alex ask when she started, it got her attention, but she didn't let it show.

Kate waited a second after Alex hung up the phone to ask, **"What was that about?"**The she began kissing the skin under her lips again.

**"Um...they're moving me to SVU temporarily. Their new ADA has been summoned to Washington and they need me to fill in until they can get someone in there permanently."**

Kate's lips froze as the words registered. She lifted her head and looked at Alex, **"SVU? As in your old unit where you told me time and again you didn't want to be?"**Kate knew she was probably overreacting but the mention of Alex's old unit, where her ex-girlfriend worked, brought back the memory that the other night Alex had been with another woman who was most likely her ex. Suddenly Kate wondered if Alex had planned this move back to her old unit with her ex.

**"I didn't ask for this to happen, Kate. I mean, it's not like I put in a call to Washington and asked them to call that other woman away. But they need someone and I-"**she stopped and got up from the desk.

**"And it has to be you? You're the only one they thought to call?"**Kate's voice reflected her disbelief that this wasn't planned somehow. That someone wasn't manipulating the situation to get Alex back together with her ex.

**"Well, I am the only one in the DA's office with extensive experience with SVU since Casey Novak left, but no, they didn't just call me out of the blue..."**She figured it would be better to just come clean this time since she'd promised Kate that she'd try to be better about that.

Kate nodded, knowing what was coming next, **"Of course they didn't...you requested it didn't you?"**Kate's voice had lowered to a dangerous level. She felt herself start to shut down emotionally to guard against the pain and she fought against it, knowing it wouldn't help her with Alex. She had promised to try not to do that anymore but it was almost an automatic reaction whenever something happened that could hurt her emotionally... Alex requesting to go back to the unit where her ex worked definitely qualified as painful.

**"I didn't request SVU, Kate. I requested a temporary transfer to the first thing that opened up. White Collar, Appeals, Major Crimes...whatever. It just so happens that SVU is the one that came up,"**she said as she moved away from Kate, upset at the implication that she'd done this on purpose.

Kate closed her eyes, **"When? When did you request this 'temporary transfer' Alex?"**Kate needed to know if it was before or after Alex had gone out with her ex for coffee...before or after she'd pushed her away and asked for space.

**"I-"** Alex took a breath and let it out, **"That morning before I went to shower and had my breakdown. I called my boss and asked him to look for something because I needed a break from Homicide."**

Kate opened her eyes and she looked right at Alex, **"And when were you going to tell me that you'd requested a transfer? When were you going to let me know you were leaving the 12th?"**Kate felt as if Alex had been plotting her exit from her life and she didn't like that feeling.

**"Well, let's see, we fought, you left, and you just came back, so it's not like I've had much opportunity. I was planning to tell you about it today after we'd sorted out what happened. It's just that Jack called before I had the chance to say anything. Besides, what does it really matter if I go for a little while? You said you wanted me to do what I needed to be ok and this is part of it."**

**"I do, I want you to do what you need to do to be ok but...Alex there was a window. There was an opportunity before the fighting before the time apart where you could've said something, anything about what you had planned. Before Castle showed up..."**Kate ran out of steam.

**"Why are you so bothered about this? It's not like I'm leaving the 12th forever. I just need a little bit of time!"**Alex said, quickly losing patience.

**"Then why does it feel like forever? Why does it feel like I am losing you?"** Kate asked in a sad voice. She straightened her spine and said, **"I can't talk about this now. If it's ok with you, I'll be waiting at the loft and we can talk about this tonight...if you want."**

Alex sighed, **"Fine. I have to get going anyway. I'm needed at a crime scene. I'll see you when I get done."**She couldn't believe that things had taken this turn.

Kate gave a small nod then left the office. She made it all the way to her car before the tears came and she sat in the driver's seat and let them come. She cried as she tried to face the possibility that Alex's move to her old unit could end up being permanent...and she could lose Alex to her ex.

* * *

><p>After stopping by Jack's office to get caught up to speed on the case at hand, Alex caught a ride with an officer to the crime scene. McCoy had called ahead to tell the detectives to hold off until the ADA got there, but didn't happen to mention that it was Alex.<p>

When the blonde arrived, she found four familiar detectives standing in a group and the butterflies began fluttering. She approached just in time to hear Fin say, **"That's not Greylek." **

Suddenly, three other pairs of eyes were on her, but only one made her heart beat fast. Olivia Benson, her ex-girlfriend was standing there slack jawed as Alex looked around and smiled sheepishly.

Olivia had turned around when she heard Fin say that it wasn't Greylek and her eyes met a sight that she never thought she'd see: Alexandra Cabot, her ex-girlfriend and the only woman she had ever loved. When Alex was close enough she said, **"Alex...what are you doing here?"**She couldn't think of anything else to say, she was in shock.

**"I'm filling in until they get someone to transfer permanently into SVU,"**she said, her throat suddenly dry.

Olivia nodded. Elliot noticed his partner's surprise and he stepped in. **"So, Alex, you miss us?"**He gave a smile.

She smiled back, **"Of course. I used to wonder how you were getting along without me..."**

Elliot nodded, **"Uh huh...is that why you never called or stopped by the precinct? You've been back almost five months, right?"**His smile was pleasant but his voice had an edge to it that indicated he was upset.

Alex swallowed hard, **"You have to understand that I didn't mean to push you guys to the side. It's been a little...complicated since I've been back."**

Munch decided to take the attention off of Alex, **"So Alex, you've been briefed on the case?"**

**"Yes, I talked to McCoy and he let me know exactly what was happening. Our victim molested several boys and was awaiting sentencing, from what I understand."**

Olivia snapped out of her stupor and said, **"Yeah, only he decided to sue the cops for supposedly letting him continue molesting boys while we built our case. Now, someone took justice into their own hands and killed him."**She gestured to the townhouse behind them, also known as their crime scene.

**"I guess we should get in there and see for ourselves,"**Alex said as she quickly turned away from them and went toward the townhouse steps.

Benson and Stabler followed after her, Munch and Fin choosing to wait outside, not wanting to be in the line of fire when the sparks really started flying between those three. Olivia was right behind Alex, forcing herself to keep her eyes on Alex's hair and not her ass.

Once they got inside, the CSUs were finishing up their Scan Station rendering of the victim's apartment, so Alex just hung back with Benson and Stabler until the techs were ready to explain the sequence of events.

Olivia didn't know what to say to Alex. Well, that wasn't true. She knew what she wanted to say, but she couldn't say it with so many people around...people who didn't know that she and Alex were lovers before the blonde had gone into Witness Protection...before Velez and his cartel tore Alex away from her.

Alex waited patiently for the techs to finish up, but the tension and the silence were killing her. She didn't know it was going to feel quite so strained, but here she was.

Elliot couldn't stand the silence anymore so he said, **"So, Alex, what have you been doing since you got back?"**

**"I've been working with Homicide, actually. It's been keeping me pretty busy..."**she said, not ready to get into any more detail with so many people around.

Before Elliot could say anything more, O'Halloran was done with the digital rendering and was ready to walk them through the scene. By the time he was done, Olivia knew this wasn't going to be easy. The only logical deduction was that one of Keppler's victims or one of the members of their families had killed him to take revenge.

She turned to Alex, **"Come on, let's go fill in Munch, Fin, and Cragen."**The brunette detective turned to the door because she desperately needed some fresh air, not to mention some distance from Alex. She didn't want to do something she couldn't take back...like kiss her.

* * *

><p>After they'd returned to the precinct, Alex wanted to get that first conversation with Olivia over with so she went over to the brunette and tapped her on the shoulder, <strong>"Liv? Can we talk?"<strong>

**"Uh...um...sure. What's up?"**Olivia hoped she could get through this without saying something stupid.

**"Nothing, I just need to talk to you. Can we go somewhere?"**

**"Um, yeah the crib or the loft?"**Liv pointed to the upper level where they usually brought child victims and witnesses to put them at ease.

**"The crib, it has a door,"**Alex said, not really wanting to air their dirty laundry where people could hear.

**"Ok."** Olivia turned and led Alex to the crib. After she made sure it was empty she closed the door behind them. Olivia leaned against the door as she watched Alex, **"What did you want to talk about?"**

**"Since we're going to be working together, I think we should clear the air about everything that happened between us."**

Olivia looked at Alex, **"What happened between us? What happened, as I remember it, is you broke up with me after I disagreed with you about the Cheryl Avery case, then you wouldn't take my calls for weeks. Then, just as I thought we were going to reconcile, Velez stepped in and before I knew it, you were gone."**Olivia fought back the tears that always surfaced when she remembered seeing Alex on the ground, bleeding.

Alex scoffed, **"You know, it really amazes me the way you remember these things. I told you over and over again what I wanted and if you couldn't give it to me, I wasn't going to force you, but I also wasn't going to stick around and get hurt."**

Olivia turned away as she was remembering Alex asking her to come out, to be honest about their relationship. She sighed, **"Alex, you know I couldn't do that. It's hard enough being a female cop, but adding...that label to it too, I'd lose all the respect I've worked so hard to get. I don't understand why you can't get that."**

**"Because it's not true and we both know it. And before you start in again with your list of justifications, let me save you the time by telling you that I happen to know someone who is a detective and her coming out hasn't hurt her in the least. In fact, it's made things for us better."**

Olivia looked down, **"Alex, I know that Witness Protection may have changed you but back then you weren't going to come out either. You had your eye on the Governor's office and coming out wasn't going to help your chances. We both know you wouldn't have wrecked your political career like that."** Olivia took a breath, **"As for this detective you're talking about, if she even exists, she probably hasn't been a cop as long as I have. She hasn't had to struggle like I did to gain respect from old timers who though a woman shouldn't be a cop."**Olivia remembered the male detectives, sergeants, lieutenants and captains who thought women cops should either be meter maids or stay in dispatch, not walking a beat or wearing a gold shield.

**"Kate's been a cop for a long time, since she was in her early 20s, so about 10 years. She's had to deal with stereotypes too, but when she figured out what she wanted and realized that I was worth it, she took that step and didn't care about the consequences. She wanted to be with me and that's all there is to it. Now we're open and we're happy..."**

Alex's words registered with Olivia and she felt the blood drain from her face. She felt her knees weaken and she stumbled to one of the beds and sat down. She stared at the floor, **"_'We're_ happy'? You're...you're seeing this detective?"**Olivia's voice was low, thready, as she tried to catch her breath.

Alex pulled back, realizing that she'd crossed a very fine line without meaning to, at least not in this way. **"Yes...I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out like this."**

Olivia's shoulders slumped as she realized that Alex was with someone else. **"Wow...I...um, how did you mean it to come out? I mean, did you ask me in here just to rub your new relationship, your new girlfriend in my face? Your new younger girlfriend I might add."**It had always been one of Olivia's concerns, one of her fears that she would lose Alex to someone younger.

**"No, I didn't come here to rub your nose in it. I came here to settle our issues to make working together easier and yes, I was planning to tell you about Kate, but not like that."**

Olivia stood up and put on her game face. **"Well, don't worry Ms. Cabot. There won't be any problems with us working together. If you'll excuse me, I have some work to do."**Olivia began walking to the door of the crib.

**"Wait,"**Alex said, not quite finished.

Olivia stopped, but didn't turn around, **"What is it?"**

**"I don't want us to be hostile to one another. I want us to get along so that work doesn't become unbearable."**

**"Like I said, don't worry. I just need a minute to process this before I can properly react to it ok? Just...give me a minute, please."**

Alex nodded, **"Ok, I'm sorry. I didn't think that...um... Never mind."**

Olivia turned around, **"No, finish what you were saying. You didn't think what?"**She was curious now.

Alex sighed heavily, **"I didn't think you'd still care..."**

Olivia took a step closer Alex so she wouldn't have to raise her voice and risk someone overhearing them, **"I have loved you for years. You are the only woman I have ever loved. That doesn't stop, doesn't go away just because you left me, not once, not twice, but three times. Granted the last two times it wasn't up to you but...you still left."** Olivia paused before she took the last, irreversible step, **"And even after all that, all this time...I still love you. I still held out hope, ridiculous as it may sound, that you'd come back to New York, back to your life as Alex Cabot and frankly...back to me."**Olivia turned away not willing to let Alex see the devastation she knew would show on her face.

Alex felt her body practically shaking, **"I didn't leave you by choice any of the times, Olivia. I left because you treated me like your dirty little secret. I loved you with all my heart and I wanted us to have a future, a family. You ruined that, Olivia. If I thought for a moment that you could've been honest, maybe things would be different, but I knew you couldn't and eventually I had to let go of that hope...I'm...I'm sorry that you still have feelings for me that I can't return, but...you had your chance Olivia. You had years to make this work and you chose fear instead."**

Every word was like an arrow to her heart but Olivia stood there and took it...mostly because she knew she deserved it. **"Ok...ok, I deserved most of that, but you got one thing wrong. I didn't choose fear. You know me, I don't choose fear...I hesitated. And maybe I hesitated too long, but Alex, you were the first woman I ever fell in love with, only woman I'd ever been with so...it took me a while to come to terms with that. All my life I dated men, even if it never felt right, because that's what was expected of me. Then you came along and...you changed me. I wasn't scared and it wasn't fear. It was a hesitation. Yeah, maybe I waited too long but I never thought of you as a dirty little secret, you were never that...I'm truly sorry if you ever felt that way."**

**"You hesitated? Please, Olivia, don't insult me. You were afraid to tell anyone, even your best friend. It's not like I was asking you to post a banner in Times Square declaring your sexuality, but you couldn't even tell Elliot about us. How do you think that was supposed to make me feel if not like a dirty secret? I know he doesn't care one way or the other about your sexuality and you hid. No one knew...no one. I wasn't going to live like that, especially when I knew I wanted children."**

Olivia sighed, **"Yes, I hesitated. I wanted a future with you and I would've told Elliot...I would've but I needed some time. I took too long and then you were shot and you left and...I couldn't tell anyone after that. I lost the biggest reason I had to tell the squad. I had a plan. See, I knew you'd be back, I knew you would be Alex again and I was going to surprise you by coming out to the guys when I announced our engagement. But you found someone else. What am I supposed to do with that?"**Olivia knew that without Alex in her life, she would never have the courage to come out.

**"You had, how long to tell them? We were together for over two years, Olivia and I gave you plenty of time, but eventually I did have to give you an ultimatum because I wasn't going to live like that forever. If you'd done it before I was shot I would've waited for you, but I couldn't go on like that forever. When you almost die like that, suddenly being miserable and afraid doesn't seem like the best use of your time."**

**"Then I guess there's nothing more to say. I'll be professional and I'll be civil because it's really better if we get along."** Olivia's voice was sincere but tinged with sadness as she continued, **"I hope you're happy Alex, that's all I ever wanted for you...and one last thing, if you ever need me, even if it's just a shoulder to lean on...I'll be here."**Olivia loved Alex enough to offer her that much, not that she ever expected the blonde to take her up on it. She walked out of the room then and headed to her desk. Even though she didn't have a fresh lead in the Keppler case yet, she began doing paperwork in an effort to occupy her mind so it wouldn't drive her crazy.

Alex stayed behind in the crib for a while longer until she felt stable enough to walk through the bullpen and leave the precinct. She was so raw and this talk with Olivia hadn't helped. The only thing she feared more was the talk she was going to have with Kate very soon.

TBC...


	30. Working Towards a Reconciliation

**Chapter 30: Working Towards a Reconciliation**

Kate was sitting in the loft, a glass of water in one hand, the remote to the CD player in the other as she listened to the CD she'd made for Alex. She knew she should probably call Castle or the Captain or even Lanie to let them know she was back, but right now, she didn't know what this day would bring and if it didn't go well...she might end up driving back to Amherst again. Kate didn't want to leave again, she wanted to stay and work things out, but she couldn't get the idea of Alex with her ex out of her head.

Alex arrived home just a short time later with a bag of Chinese takeout in her hand and her briefcase in the other. Her glasses were perched on her nose and she looked exhausted despite the relative ease of her workday. She announced her arrival, **"Kate? I'm home and I brought dinner."**

Kate turned her head towards Alex and her breath caught when she got a look at her. Kate had always loved seeing Alex wearing her glasses...it never failed to turn her on and tonight was no exception. However, she knew that given the state of things she couldn't really go there and for the first time in their relationship, Kate struggled to suppress her arousal. She didn't want it to cloud her judgment. **"Hi Alex." ** Kate stood from the couch and walked to the table where Alex had set down the bag of takeout. **"This smells great."**She had missed Chinese take out. The past few days she'd been cooking for herself and it was always the quickest and simplest of meals.

Alex handed her a pair of chopsticks and said, **"I brought your favorite. What do you want to drink?"**

Kate let herself smile, **"Um, just soda. I'll get it."** She walked to the fridge, **"What would you like?"**

**"Water, please,"**she said, grateful that they were getting along...for now. She knew that conversation was coming, the one she'd been dreading all day, but for now, she'd make the most of their amicability and enjoy the food.

Kate poured her soda and then filled up a glass with water and brought both drinks to the table. She sat down and waited as Alex unpacked the food containers. She sat there and smiled as she looked at Alex, letting herself remember the good times...before Dunn and his madness...when they would do this, eat Chinese food and just enjoy being with each other.

Alex looked at Kate and felt happy when she saw the beautiful smile on Kate's face. She picked up her chopsticks and started eating, her stomach nearly growling when she did. **"Um, I thought maybe we could have some 'us' time tonight after we talk,"**she suggested.

Kate looked down and made a decision, **"Um...would it be possible to postpone the talk? Maybe just spend tonight together and then talk say...tomorrow?"**

Alex looked at her and nodded, **"I think that would be good. I've...I've missed you Kate."**

**"Good...because I've missed you too."** Kate paused as she reached out and put her hand over Alex's, **"I love you Alex. I always will." **

**"I love you too, Kate. I don't like fighting with you, I really don't,"**she said in a shaky voice. Her tears were already threatening to fall.

**"Trust me, the feeling is mutual. Now, let's finish our dinner because I want to lie on the couch and hold you...if that's ok?"**Kate smiled, needing to feel her girlfriend's body against hers.

**"It's more than ok,"** she said and returned the smile. The two finished their dinner and then moved into the living room. Alex looked at Kate and asked, **"Um, you want me in front?"**

Kate smiled, **"Yes please, I missed holding you Alex."**

She let Kate settle into the couch and then she stretched out in front of her, leaning back against her girlfriend's warm body, a sigh escaping her lips. **"I've missed your arms..."**

Kate tightened her grip on Alex as she nuzzled her neck. She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes as she took in Alex's comforting familiar scent. **"I love you Alex. I'm sorry I ran away like I did, I promise not to do that again." **

**"I'm sorry that I pushed you to it. I swear to you I will never be cruel like that again,"**she said in a quiet voice, the tears falling.

**"I hope not, I won't be able to take it if you push me away. I just want to be here for you, with you for whatever you need...just please, don't leave me."**Kate's voice dropped to a scared whisper.

**"Going back to SVU isn't something you need to be afraid of, Kate. I'm not leaving you."**

Kate took a breath before she asked, **"Is, um, is she still working there?"**Kate hoped she didn't have to say who she was talking about.

Alex was silent for a moment before she answered, **"Yes..."**

Kate nodded, **"I see...so, how was it? Seeing her again I mean."**Kate needed to know and she figured she'd better ask before she lost her nerve.

**"Weird. It's...not going to be easy being there."**Alex thought back to how strained things had felt all afternoon, not just with Olivia, but with everything. She had a feeling that wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

Kate stiffened assuming that Alex was only referring to Olivia, **"Why? Did she say something to hurt you? Do you need me to go down there and kick her ass?"**Kate's protective instincts kicked in, even though she was only slightly kidding.

**"She blames me for what happened between us."**

**"Are you serious? She's been blaming you this whole time?"**

**"Yes...she said I left her three times...that I made the choice to walk out on her the first time instead of giving her the time she needed."**

**"She actually thinks you chose to leave her after you were shot?"**Kate couldn't believe Alex's ex could be so...vindictive.

**"No...not then. She was talking about when I broke up with her after she wouldn't come out. I gave her two years, Kate, and she wouldn't even tell her best friend..."**

Kate frowned, **"She wouldn't tell _anyone_?"** Kate found that hard to believe. Even before she'd told Castle and the guys, she had Lanie who knew. She didn't know how she would've kept her sanity if she hadn't had Lanie to talk to...especially after the e-mail "Vicky" had sent her last year. **"Who goes through life keeping something like that a secret? Who did she talk to when the two of you argued or something?"**

**"I don't know...whoever she talked to, she probably pretended that I was her boyfriend, Alexander. It would be easy enough to change she to he."**

Kate thought about that, **"That's true, but still...I don't get it."** Kate pressed a kiss to Alex's neck. **"I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't had Lanie last year after that e-mail." **

**"She said she 'hesitated' and I just didn't give her enough time. She wants me to feel like I was wrong, even when I know I wasn't,"** Alex said, a little ticked off. **"You don't think I was wrong, do you?"**

Kate took a moment to consider that before she answered, **"Well you gave her two years right? What, um...what happened when you came back for that trial you told me about?"**

Alex stiffened, **"Her partner, Elliot...we were at the hotel and he told me that she...she went back to dating men. She didn't even wait a year for me."** She started crying again, **"All those nights I was in pain, lonely, desperate to be with her and...she was fucking some guy."**

Kate was confused, **"She went back to men?"** Kate began rubbing Alex's tummy in mindless patterns. **"I'm sorry you were hurt by her again. Did you confront her about it?"**

**"Yes...even after everything she still blames me..."**she said with her head lowered.

**"I meant, did you confront her then, with the information that you knew she was dating men again?"**Kate asked patiently.

**"Oh...um...no, I-I couldn't. I lied to her..."**she said ashamedly.

Now Kate was curious, **"You lied? What did you say?"**

Alex sighed, **"I told her I was dating a man too...a guy from the insurance agency where I worked. I wanted to hurt her as badly as she'd hurt me...so I said it. I should've just been honest."**

**"I can understand that impulse to hurt someone when they hurt you but wouldn't it have hurt her more if you had made up a girlfriend rather than a boyfriend?"**Kate figured that if Alex's ex thought that the blonde was dating another woman, it would hurt more than thinking she was with a man.

**"Yeah. In hindsight that would've hurt her more, but...I didn't want to be that cruel. I just figured that if I made it seem like I wasn't alone, it would be enough. She wouldn't worry about me and somehow I'd handle it on my own. Sound familiar?"**

Kate smiled, **"Yeah...it sounds like a habit that you and me need to break. I don't want us to repeat the mistakes of the past. I want us to work on the issues that pop up, together, ok?"**Kate kissed Alex's neck again.

Alex nodded and then tilted her head, **"Kiss me like that, Kate. Please?"**

Kate smiled, **"As you wish..."**Kate leaned forward and pressed her lips to Alex's, savoring the long denied, much missed contact.

Alex sighed softly, her hand resting on top of Kate's as the brunette rubbed her stomach. She needed this as much as Kate did and even if it was only kissing, she'd be happy.

Kate slipped her tongue out and flicked Alex's lips, asking for entrance. Kate moaned when Alex's lips parted and she slipped her tongue inside the familiar mouth, her hands gently turning Alex around until she was facing her. She pulled the blonde on top of her and ran her hands over Alex's back as she deepened the kiss. Kate had missed this feeling she was getting from kissing Alex and in her aroused state, her hands drifted down from Alex's back to her ass and she squeezed gently.

Alex settled her weight onto Kate's body, her breasts and stomach pressing against her lover's. She was holding herself up just enough to maintain the contact of the kiss while she straddled Kate's hips. She wanted to erase all the pain by making love and showing Kate how much she needed her.

Kate lifted her hips up to meet Alex, her body craving the contact. When air became an issue, she pulled away and began kissing Alex's neck, her hands moving over Alex's body, relearning all the sweet spots she knew would drive Alex close to the edge.

Alex was breathing heavily, her body on fire when she asked, **"Kate, can we go to our room, please? I need you."**

Kate broke the contact between her lips and Alex's neck and she looked at her girlfriend, **"I think that's a great idea, come on."**Kate shifted and sat up, Alex straddling her lap. Kate slid her hands under Alex's ass and held her close as she stood up, carrying the blonde. She began walking to their bedroom, smiling at the look on Alex's face.

Alex's eyes were dark blue as she stared down at her strong girlfriend. She was wet and ready for Kate to make love to her all night long, especially after four days of being apart.

Kate stopped at the edge of the bed, looked at Alex, and smiled, **"I love you baby."** She began to lower her lover to the bed, following her down to help cushion the descent. Kate stretched out next to Alex, resting her head on one hand as the other hand slowly trailed a path down her girlfriend's chest, popping blouse buttons along the way and exposing Alex's smooth skin and bra-clad breasts. **"You are...so beautiful."**

Alex's heart was beating hard and her skin was flushed pink from the excitement. She looked deep into Kate's eyes and replied, **"You're beautiful. I need you so badly..."**

Kate grinned as she pressed a kiss to Alex's collarbone. She looked up at Alex, **"You have me. I want you so much, I want to taste you."**Kate shifted to hover over Alex and began kissing her way down from her collarbone, stopping to pay close attention to Alex's breasts. She quickly removed Alex's bra before her mouth closed over one of the nipples and began to lick and suck on it, her hand giving equal attention to the other one.

Alex sighed happily and rested her head on the pillow, her hand caressing Kate's hair. She could feel the wetness seeping through her panties and she knew she'd need attention down there in the very near future. She whispered, **"Babe?"**

Kate lifted her head and glanced up at Alex, smiling, **"Yes?"**

**"Will you do something for me?"**

Kate moved up until they were at eye level and, after a quick kiss to the tip of Alex's nose, she said, **"What do you need baby?"**Kate was pretty sure there wasn't anything she would deny her at this moment.

**"Wear the strap-on..."** She had a wicked grin on her face, the kind that said she wanted to be a bad girl and she thought it would be insanely dirty for Kate to do her from behind. **"I want you to fuck me while I'm on my hands and knees...I want you to own me..."**

Kate had been kissing Alex's neck as she waited to hear what she wanted but when the words registered, she froze. There was something about it that didn't sound right. Kate had never used the strap-on. The few times they had used it, Alex had always worn it and the blonde had never even hinted that she might like to try it the other way around.

All of a sudden, Kate felt that the timing was a little too suspicious. The same day that Alex sees her ex again she suggests they do something new, something they'd never done before and it made Kate feel sick to her stomach. All she could think was that this was something her ex had probably done and now Alex wanted Kate to fill that void by picking up where Olivia had left off.

Kate lifted herself off of Alex and went to sit at the foot of the bed. She didn't like the thought that Alex was asking for something her ex used to do...worse than that, the position Alex had asked for meant they couldn't even look at each other. That would make it easier for Alex to close her eyes and imagine Kate was her ex and the brunette simply couldn't handle it. Kate turned away and looked at the far wall, **"No."**She wanted to say more but the lump in her throat prevented her from doing so.

Alex sat up and from her position, looked at Kate's back, **"What?"**

Kate refused to look at her, **"I won't do it Alex. I won't let you use me as a stand in for her and make it easy for you to close your eyes and pretend it's her fucking you. I am the one who is here, I am the one who's making love to you and I won't let you use me like that. I'm sorry, but I won't do it."**

Alex couldn't believe what she was hearing. She got up from the bed and moved so that she could look at Kate, **"Are you fucking kidding me? Is that what you think?"**

**"What else am I supposed to think?"** Kate's voice was flat as she stared at a spot on the floor. **"You've never asked me for that before today...the same day you saw your ex again. We were just starting to reconcile and rather than enjoy what we were doing, rather than let me love you in the way I know you used to love, you ask me for something new. Something I can only guess is what she used to do. Something that requires you to have your back to me so you don't have to look at me as you remember how it was with her."** Kate ran out of steam and said in a low voice, **"I don't want it to be like that with us. So I say no."**Kate stood up and tried to walk out of the room.

Alex was about ready to throw something at the wall. She couldn't believe that Kate had actually gone there, that she would sit there and assume that that was why Alex wanted her to make love to her in that way. She stepped into Kate's path as she tried to leave the room and stared straight into her eyes, **"Don't bother, I'm leaving. You can just stay here this time and I'll find somewhere else to go."** She brushed past Kate to get her bra and shirt and once she was dressed she made for the door. Before she walked out though, she stopped and turned to look at Kate one last time, **"I'm glad I know how little you think of me, it makes me feel better about going back to SVU. Good bye."**

Kate stood there for all of two seconds before she snapped out of it and ran after Alex. She caught her just as she was reaching for the front door and slipped in front of her to block her from leaving, **"No! You do not get to walk away from me. We promised we wouldn't do that again, remember? We promised that we would stay and talk it out and work it out together. So...please, stay. Let's talk about this."**Kate looked at Alex, hoping to break this pattern they'd fallen into.

**"What's the point, Kate? You are assuming the worst in me, thinking that I would come back here and ask you to fuck me while I'm thinking about Olivia. It's ridiculous. If I wanted to think about Olivia, I'd be with her right now letting her fuck me...not here with you."**

Kate felt the blood drain from her face at the thought of Alex with her ex. **"The point? The point is to work this out together. To stop running away from each other and start letting each other in. Yes, I assumed something that was probably wrong but if you leave, if we don't talk about it, how are you going to set me straight? How can we move forward if one of us is always running away?"**Kate didn't know what else to say but she was sick of running away from their issues when they got too big to handle.

**"Probably? It was wrong, Kate. It was shitty and hurtful. I didn't ask you to do that to me because I wanted to think about Olivia. I wanted you to do that because I wanted you to..."** She lowered her eyes. **"I wanted you to 'punish' me for being bad. I know that sounds screwed up, but I needed you to own me, I needed you to spank me."**

Kate's eyes softened as she heard Alex's words. She took a breath and said, **"Alex, I don't want to punish you. I like to think that the time we spent apart was punishment enough... I guess it wasn't huh? Not for you at least."** Kate raised a hand to Alex's cheek and said, **"For the record, though, in my heart, I already own you, because you own me. I don't need to cause you pain to establish that, ok?"**

**"It's just spanking Kate, it was just supposed to be fun and a little rough and a way to overcome what happened. I needed something, but again, I'm overstepping and pressing myself on you."** She sighed, **"God, I never thought we were this different."**

Kate pulled away again. She moved away from the door and walked a few steps away before she turned her attention back to Alex. **"I'm sorry. About all of this. Maybe it was too soon for us to be intimate. We've been apart for four days and there are still things we haven't worked through so maybe jumping back into bed so soon isn't a great idea. I just...I missed you so much when we were apart that I didn't want to stop. I wanted to feel you next to me, beneath me. I wanted to love you like I used to."** Kate took a breath, **"You told me once that you were happy with the way we make love, that you didn't mind it being vanilla...but maybe, maybe I was being unrealistic in thinking that it would always be like that. I'm not adventurous in bed, I'm not...good at the spanking and the bondage and all that stuff. As much as it hurts me to even say this...maybe I'm not enough for you anymore. You've seen what you once had, maybe even remembered things she did that I don't do and now...you want that again. But I can't give you that stuff...it's not who I am."** Kate shrugged her shoulders as she held out her hands in a look of almost surrender, **"This is who I am Alex. I'm the same person I've always been with you. I'm not bold or adventurous in bed. I'm sorry. You deserve better than that so if you want to leave, I won't stop you."**Kate began walking to the guest bedroom. She didn't want to sleep alone in the bed she usually shared with Alex, so she stretched out on her side on the guest bed and with her back to the door, she began to cry. She was just waiting for the inevitable sound of Alex leaving her.

Alex sighed and walked down the hall to the guest bedroom. She knocked on the door and said, **"Kate, can I come in...please?"**

Kate didn't answer but the door wasn't locked. She grabbed the pillow and pressed it to her face to cover the sound of her sobs.

Alex waited for a few moments before she turned the knob and walked in. She found Kate crying, so she spoke softly, **"It's not that you're not enough, Kate, and it's not that I don't enjoy the way we make love...but don't you ever want anything different? I mean, I'm not saying all the time...but it would be like you making dinner every night. I love your cooking, you know I do, but sometimes we want something from a restaurant, right? This is just like that. I just wanted something different and I thought maybe you'd understand. It's not about what Olivia and I used to do or not do. It's about needing you and wanting you to fulfill me, Kate. You, not her. But if you can't get past my relationship with her, then how can we ever move forward?"**

Kate tried to calm herself down. She took a few deep breaths before she trusted her voice, **"I thought I was past it. We were doing really well, then this whole Dunn thing happened and it's like...like we took a huge leap backwards."** Kate kept her back to Alex, not wanting her to see the tears. **"I tried to be there for you but you pushed me away, so I went away, I gave you the time and space you asked for even though it almost killed me. Then I come back, thinking that since you called me that you were ready to be with me again, only to find out that you had asked to be moved from the 12th precinct. Another way for you to say you can't be around me. And I can see that it might be a good thing for you, but...honestly I think I'd be handling this better if you were transferred to any other place but the one your ex happens to work in. I know, I know you've told me that it's over and you don't want her back and I have nothing to worry about, but...things are different now. Before, we were rock solid. I felt 100% confident that nothing could break us. Now...now I'm not so sure."**Kate stopped talking as the tears threatened again. She hated the idea of anyone else using their moment of weakness to steal her girlfriend away from her.

**"You know what I just got out of that? You don't trust me...you don't trust my love for you. That basically means that anything I tell you isn't going to mean a damn thing. You've got yourself convinced that I'm going back to Olivia. Is that what you want?"**

Kate could see it was spiraling out of control, but she didn't know how to stop it. **"It's not that I don't trust you. I don't trust _her_. I know first hand how hard you are to let go of. What if, she tries to get you back? What if during this time when you and aren't as solid as we used to be she tries to slip in and win you over? I trust you to turn her down if she tries something overt, but what if she's sneaky? What if she starts playing the sympathetic friend? Starts getting you to trust her again and confide in her? She takes your side in this and soon you're having coffee together, reminiscing about the good times, and before you know it...your old feelings for her surface. And the whole time, you're getting deeper and deeper into the cases and working late and she makes a move that starts out innocent but leads to more. And where am I? I'm working Homicide cases and coming home to an empty apartment because you're working late again to get a motion filed or trying to get your closing argument just right, or working out a plea agreement."** Kate lowered her head, **"I trust you Alex, but what if you don't even see it happening until you're kissing her?"**

Alex listened to all of Kate's rambling and although she was saying the words "I trust you," it sure as hell didn't seem like it. It also made Alex feel like Kate thought she wouldn't be smart enough to recognize Olivia's advances. **"No, you don't trust me. Everything you said right there screams to me that you don't trust me. You think I couldn't see through her motivations? That I am so stupid that I wouldn't recognize what was happening? I could go to a bar right now and get picked up on...would you still worry that I'd say yes and go home with some strange woman?"**

Kate stood up, angry, **"I'm not talking about a random woman here. You loved her! You planned a life with her! And yeah, she waited too long to be honest about herself so you left her but tell me this, when exactly did you stop loving her like that? While you were Jill? Or Emily? Was it after you found out she was dating men again? Was it before that? When, Alex? When did your love for her stop?"** Just as Alex was about to answer, Kate started up again as a new theory dawned on her, **"Or did it ever stop? Did you just lock your feelings away? Just bury them because you couldn't be with her? I believe you when you say you love me. I know you do because I feel it every time you touch me and every time you look at me I can see your love for me in your eyes. I've never doubted your feelings for me, but what about your feelings for _her_ ? Did they end? Did you fall out of love with her or is it still there under the surface or locked in a corner of your heart, waiting to be set free? I need to know Alex. I love you with every fiber of my being. I love you more than anything or anyone else on this planet. I would lay down my life for you. I would've gladly let Dunn kill me if it meant you'd be safe."** Kate looked into Alex's eyes. **"But I need to know."**

Alex could feel the tears hot on her cheeks and she shook her head, **"If you don't know, Kate...then maybe we have no business being together. But just for the record, I stopped loving her like that when I came back for the trial. She'll always be a part of me because she was in my past, but I don't love her, Kate...I love you and you're being too stupid to see it. What the fuck is it going to take for you to get it?"**

Kate looked at Alex, she knew the blonde loved her and that she was being childish but she couldn't help it. **"Come back to the 12th. Tell the DA you can't take over SVU, that you're needed in Homicide."**

Alex looked at her incredulously, **"I can't do that! They need me in SVU until they can find someone. I'm not there for Olivia, Kate. I'm there because I'm good at my job and I had the highest conviction rate of anyone who's ever worked SVU. I'm staying until they get someone else because it's the right thing to do. Stop being selfish."**

Kate tried to breathe through the pain in her heart at the thought that Alex wouldn't or couldn't take her feelings into consideration. Still, she wanted to be a grown-up about it so she straightened her spine and looked at Alex, **"Ok, fine. I understand. I am going to believe that you're not there for her. That you're there because they need you and you're the best because I know you're the best. I am going to trust you, Alex, because that's what you do when you love someone. And I don't want to fight anymore. I am exhausted so I'm going to sleep."**Kate sat down on the bed because she wasn't sure if she'd be welcome in their room. She wanted Alex to make that choice.

Alex let out a breath and tried to suppress her anger and hurt. **"Are you planning to stay here?"**

Kate looked up at Alex, **"Unless you want me to sleep in our room with you. It's your choice Alex."**

**"I don't like being treated like the enemy and I don't like that you don't trust me or my love for you. If that's still a problem, then you can stay here."**

Kate stood up and stepped closer to Alex, **"Your love for me is something I have never doubted. I'm sorry if I made you feel like the enemy. I'll sleep here tonight so you don't have to look at me but can you please think about something before you fall asleep tonight?"**

**"What?"**she asked quietly, a little sad that Kate wasn't going to join her.

**"I'm not trying to justify my actions or anything I've said or how I've made you feel, but you're a lawyer and you know there's two sides to every situation. Put yourself in my shoes for a moment. What if I caught a case and Amber was involved? She was back in my life and I was going to be spending a lot of time with her. What if she'd changed and wasn't the same person? Would you be able to stand by and let me spend so much time with her without getting worried? Amber was my first...everything. Is there anything I could say that would make any difference to how you'd feel about that? Don't answer me now. Take the night and think about it...be honest with yourself and in the morning, if I am still overreacting or in the wrong, tell me."** Kate reached up and placed a light kiss on Alex's cheek before she said, **"Good night Alex. Sweet dreams." **

Alex took in everything Kate had said and replied, **"Good night Kate. I love you."**She left the room and went to living room because she didn't want to be in their room alone. She went to the fridge, took out the bottle of wine she'd started with Serena and poured a glass before setting it back in the fridge. She sat down and sipped slowly as she thought about the scenario Kate had painted. She knew Kate loved her and although she'd hate to see it...she'd do her best to trust her. There was a part of Alex that knew she'd be jealous, but in the long run, she knew her love for Kate was stronger than any threat.

Kate lay down on the bed and whispered into the empty room, **"I love you too."**Kate closed her eyes, truly worn out by the emotional rollercoaster they'd been on, and she was soon fast asleep.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Alex woke up and found herself on the couch, realizing that she must've fallen asleep after she'd finished her wine the night before. She squinted in the early morning light and then got up to go into the kitchen. She found Kate in there pouring a cup of coffee and when she saw the clock on the microwave blinking 7:30, Alex groaned.<p>

Kate looked up when she heard the groan. She felt a twinge of sympathy for her girlfriend who looked like she was in some physical pain after sleeping on the couch, **"Good morning."**

**"Good morning,"** she said groggily as she made for the coffee pot, **"May I?"**

Kate smiled, **"Of course."**She stepped away and waited to see if Alex would notice that she had made a pot of the blonde's favorite coffee. It was a Peruvian Organic blend that came from the Andean region of the country, difficult to find, and tasted like coffee heaven.

Alex reached for her favorite mug and set it down on the counter. She poured a cup from the carafe and took a deep breath of steam in, the scent easing her headache. She sipped and smiled when she tasted the familiarity of her favorite blend, **"Thanks." **

Kate smiled, **"You're welcome. I figured you might need it today."**Kate didn't want to ask about last night, she was scared that she had done irreversible damage to their relationship.

**"Yeah. I...have an appointment before I go to work. What are we planning to do after?"**

Kate made a decision, **"Well, I'm still on leave so I'm going to run a few errands and then I was thinking I could make us dinner tonight? Maybe we could have a quiet night in? Would that be ok?"**

**"We need to deal with what happened last night...we can't keep trying to move forward when the same disease is festering under the surface."**

Kate nodded, **"Ok...what did you have in mind?"**

**"I'm not sure. I thought about what you asked me to think about last night and although I'd hate to see you spending time with Amber...it wouldn't make me doubt your love for me..."**

Kate's first instinct was to once again say she didn't doubt Alex's love for her but she stayed silent, figuring Alex wasn't done. She waited for the blonde to continue.

**"I feel like you don't trust me and you don't trust my love for you. Kate, I've dealt with your jealousy and I've done my best to not let it become an issue, but I'm at a point where I can't really take it anymore. Either you trust me enough around other people who might have feelings for me or you don't and if you don't, then..."** She swallowed hard, **"Then we have no future."**

Kate leaned on the counter and closed her eyes as her head dropped. She took a breath, knowing this was the moment of truth. If she lost Alex over something like this, she'd never be able to survive it, so she did the only thing she could do. She raised her head and looked into Alex's eyes, **"Ok, I'm going to trust you. I'm going to let this all go and I'm going to stop thinking the worst. I don't want to lose you Alex so I'm going to try my best not to let this come between us." **

Then Kate paused for a moment before she decided to come clean about her plans for the day, **"Um, I want you to know that I have an appointment at 11 to see Dr. Jennifer Melfi at her office in Brooklyn. It occurred to me while we were apart that my method of dealing with traumatic events might not be the healthiest way, so I called her and made an appointment. In addition, I'm going to see if she can help me with my jealousy issues because I don't want that to be an obstacle for us. Honestly, I don't know if therapy will help or not, but I'm going to give it a try because I want us to be together and I want us to overcome all of this so that we can fulfill our dreams for the future. I don't want to ruin what we have because I can't deal with my baggage." **

Alex chuckled, **"I have my appointment with my therapist this morning as well. I guess we'll see what happens, huh?"** Then she grew serious again, **"I really hope that she can help you, Kate. We've made it through so much to lose it now."**

**"Yes we have. That's why I am willing to do whatever it takes...I love you Alex and like I said before, I will fight for you...I just don't want to fight _with_ you anymore."**Kate smiled, taking a sip of coffee.

**"Neither do I. It makes me crazy and I feel like crap. Look, I'm going to go take a shower and get ready. I meet with Dr. Olivet at nine."**

Kate nodded, **"Ok. Do you want something to eat before you go to your appointment? I can make breakfast."**

**"If you want...I'll understand if you're tired,"**Alex said and then finished her coffee. She set the mug down and then headed for the bathroom to get ready for the day.

Kate let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. She was tired but she would never be too tired to take care of Alex. She started moving around the kitchen to get the ingredients for breakfast. Kate decided to make _Malukuao_ because she knew how much Alex liked it and she wanted to see a smile on her face...a smile she was responsible for. While Kate was busy making breakfast, she thought about the first time she'd made _Malukuao_for Alex and she smiled. It was a happy memory for Kate and she clung to it now for comfort.

* * *

><p>Once Alex was in the shower, she realized how sensitive her body was from both the stress and arousal that she'd gone to bed with the night before. She thought about easing both by taking care of herself, but what she wanted more was Kate to help her. She closed her eyes and imagined Kate, mentally undressing her as her own had drifted lower over her body. In her mind, she stripped away Kate's top and bra first, the brunette's full breasts causing a moan from the blonde's mouth. She slipped her hand between her legs and there in the spray, she started working her fingers back and forth over her folds, continuing to mentally undress Kate.<p>

Kate finished cooking and served up two plates. She set them on the table and refreshed the coffees, but when she heard that the shower was still running, she wasn't sure whether or not to check on Alex. After wrestling with the decision for a couple of minutes, she figured it was better to give Alex some space, so she sat down at the table to wait for her girlfriend.

Alex got lost in her thoughts of Kate, her hand hitting all the right spots, but she was still aware that she was the one pleasuring herself instead of her lover pleasuring her. She tried to push that out of her mind as she pictured Kate on top of her, rocking back and forth, the blonde's hands on her lover's breasts. She was getting dangerously close to climax and it was a good thing because the water was starting to turn cold. She synched her orgasm with fantasy Kate's orgasm and came hard, a loud moan escaping her lips as she slumped back against the wall, her chest heaving.

Kate could've sworn she heard a noise above the water of the shower, but she dismissed it as nothing more than her imagination. She got up and covered the plates with other plates to keep the food warm while she waited for Alex to finish and then she thought back to the night before. She felt the same feelings of jealousy and fear flare up when she remembered Alex's request, but then she realized that with the spectre of Olivia removed from the scenario, Alex's request was rather alluring and with the right amount of alcohol to loosen her up, Kate might be willing to give it a try.

Alex shivered as she tried to rush through her shower, washing her hair and body out of the spray and only braving the icy water to rinse off. She got out and wrapped herself in a towel, a sigh of relief when she felt the warmth. She wrapped her hair up as well and then when her stomach rumbled, she went into the other room hoping that Kate had cooked. When she smelled her favorite breakfast food, she smiled.

Kate looked up and felt her mouth go dry and her heartbeat speed up at the sight of Alex in just a towel, her shoulders still wet from her shower. **"Um...uh...I made breakfast...if you're hungry."**Kate hated the stammering but she was thankful that she was able to form any words as her memory and imagination conspired against her to feed her images of Alex naked in the shower while Kate kneeled on the floor of the shower, looking up at Alex as she buried her face between the blonde's legs and brought her to orgasm. Kate cleared her throat and forced herself to look away before Alex saw the arousal painted on her face.

Alex's skin was still flushed from her activities and despite her honey almond soap, the pheromones emanating from her were thick. She walked over to the plates and sat down, **"Mmmm, smells amazing."**

Kate kept her eyes averted as she removed the plates that were covering the food. She took a sip of her coffee and then said, **"It tastes even better. Dig in."**Kate began eating, all while not looking at Alex as she tried to control her arousal so she didn't leap over the table and ravish the blonde.

Alex ate slowly, the food filling her empty belly nicely. She was so much more relaxed and it showed. Her skin was glowing and her muscles were loose, the only thing she wished was that Kate had been the one to make her orgasm, but then she thought about it and it had been Kate all along, even if she was only imaginary.

They ate in silence, Kate didn't know what to say and didn't want to risk saying something that might spark another fight. When Alex finished she looked at Kate and smiled, **"That was wonderful, honey. Thank you."**

**"You're welcome. I, um...I'm going to take a shower. If you leave the dishes in the sink I'll wash them when I get out, ok? I don't want you to be late for your appointment."**Kate stood up and began walking to the bathroom. She needed a moment to pull herself together.

Alex called out, **"Kate? There might not be any hot water."**She blushed and looked remorseful.

Kate smiled to herself and thought, _"That might be a good thing."_ She called out, **"Thanks for the heads up."**Then she grabbed a towel and slipped into bathroom.

Alex cleared their plates and rinsed them in the sink before putting them into the dishwasher. She was in the bedroom getting dressed while Kate was in the shower.

The water was lukewarm but Kate didn't mind, it helped clear the arousal from her body so that she could focus on getting through her day. She showered quickly and then wrapped a towel around her body, but she quickly realized all her clothes were in the bedroom she shared with Alex. Kate hoped that was already dressed when she knocked on the bedroom door. **"Alex?"**

Alex was slipping into her stockings when she heard the knock. **"Come in,"**she said, a little confused that Kate was knocking.

Kate stepped in and kept her eyes averted,** "Um...I just need some clothes. I'll be quick."** She hurried to the dresser and pulled out undergarments then crossed to the closet and found some pants and a shirt. She headed for the door, **"I'll, um, I'll change in the other bedroom."** Kate opened the door to leave, **"Sorry." **

Alex got up, **"Kate stop. Come in here..."**

Kate stopped moving and took a step backwards, keeping her back to Alex, **"Yeah?"**

**"Why are you hiding from me?"**

Kate tried to play it off, **"Hiding? What makes you think I'm hiding from you?"**She didn't turn around.

**"Well, you haven't made eye contact with me since I went to shower and now you're going to the other bedroom to change...it's weird." **

**"It's not weird...I'm just, I thought I'd give you some privacy, that's all."**Kate didn't want to admit the truth but she feared it might be the only way Alex would let her leave. Still she put it off.

**"Privacy? Um, ok. Are you avoiding me because of what happened last night?"**

Kate hesitated as flashes of almost making love to Alex passed through her mind. She cleared her throat, **"No...not at all." **

**"Then what is it? Why do you keep avoiding me?"**

**"Please, Alex, let it go,"** Kate silently begged. **"It's nothing, I'm not avoiding you."**

**"Yes you are. But if you want to go in there, fine. I'm not going to make you stay in here."**

Kate took a step forward but stopped herself. She didn't want them to part like this. **"If it seems like I'm avoiding you it's only because I am trying not to say or do something stupid and possibly spark another fight. I'm sorry if I hurt you."**

Alex sighed, **"Oh. Wow...who would've ever thought we'd come to this point? Afraid to say anything cause it might start a fight. Guess it's a good thing we're going to therapy. Anyway, I'll see you when I get home tonight. Be safe today, Kate."**

Kate closed her eyes, **"Alex...wait."**

**"What?"**

Kate took a breath then turned and faced her, **"It's not just...not wanting to start a fight." **

Alex stepped closer, **"Then what? Come on Kate, tell me."**

**"Last night...before everything...disintegrated...we were...um...we were, there,"** she pointed to the bed. **"And...it was wonderful. And then you came out of the shower this morning and...I was right back there and all I wanted to do...all I still want to do is drag you back to that bed and make love to you. But I know I can't do that...hence...the weirdness."** Kate maintained eye contact. She wanted to let Alex see the truth in her eyes, **"I love you and I want you, but I respect you too much to ever try to force myself on you."**Kate stood there and waited for the storm to hit.

Alex reached out and touched Kate's cheek, **"You don't have to apologize for wanting to make love to me, Kate. I...if I had known, I would've asked you to shower with me. I know we've been fighting and last night was kind of horrible, but I was so aroused this morning that I thought about you in the shower..."**

**"I'm not sorry for wanting you, I'll always want you. I'm just sorry if my actions this morning and the...weirdness...hurt you,"**she said as she leaned into the hand on her cheek.

**"I'm sorry too, baby. Look, let's just do our best to get through the afternoon and we'll see how the night goes, ok?"** Alex leaned in and kissed Kate and said, **"I'll see you tonight. Good luck with your doctor and I love you."**

Kate savored the brief contact, **"I love you too. Have a good day, I'll have dinner waiting when you get home." **

TBC...


	31. An Unexpected Lunch Break

**Chapter 31: An Unexpected Lunch Break**

After her appointment with Dr. Olivet, Alex went over to the 16th precinct to see what progress had been made on the Keppler case. She ran into Olivia on her way in and asked, **"Hey, any news?" **

Olivia, who was just on her way to get a soda, stopped walking, **"Um, Warner's still doing the autopsy so we're just comparing notes about the interviews with Keppler's victims."** Liv paused, **"How are you?" **

**"I'm better than I thought I'd be...considering,"**she said referring to the arguments she'd had with both her and Kate.

Olivia nodded, **"Alex, um...I wanted to apologize about yesterday. It...it hurt to know you'd moved on...again...but I see now that I was an idiot when we were together. You weren't asking for much and I...I was too scared to give you even that much, so...I'm sorry. I want us to be able to work together without the awkwardness so I'm going to try to put the past where it belongs, ok?"**Olivia had really thought about it and just because she hadn't moved on, just because she'd only casually dated to keep Elliot off her case because she was waiting for Alex, didn't give her the right to be mad at Alex for grabbing the love she'd found and wanted.

**"Thanks Liv. It's just been a really rough couple of days and last night was just...bad. I really just want to work and not think about things for a little while."**

Olivia sensed there was more to it but she knew when to back down, **"Ok. Do you want to sit in on the information exchange?"**

**"Sure,"** she said with a nod. **"Lead the way."**

Olivia smiled her most charming, sincere smile, **"Ok, just um, let me grab a soda first. Do you want one?"**She gestured to the vending machine down the hall.

**"No, thank you,"**she said gratefully and waited for Olivia to come back. It was nice not to feel awkward and even though she knew that Olivia was probably still struggling, it felt better that they'd cleared the air between them.

Olivia got a diet cola and walked back to Alex. She led the blonde into the squad room where Elliot and the others were waiting and Elliot smiled when he saw her, **"Hey Alex, how's it going?"**

**"Fine, how are you Elliot?"**she asked as she settled in for the exchange.

**"I'll be better when we close this case."**He turned to the others and the four cops began comparing notes and tossing around theories. Before long, they concluded that none of the four victims from the trial or their relatives had killed Keppler because everyone had alibis.

Olivia's shoulders slumped, **"So if it wasn't them, who does that leave?" **

The other cops shook their heads, not knowing what they were missing.

**"Has CSU been able to get DNA from the glove they found at the scene?"**Alex asked after they'd run out of suspects.

Fin looked up from the report in his hand and it was clear that he was confused, **"The only DNA was Keppler's, but they did find a weird combination of salt and canola oil."**

An officer poked his head in and said, **"I'm sorry to interrupt, but CSU has called for Detectives Benson and Stabler. They're asking you both to come down to the lab."**

Olivia nodded, **"Ok. Thanks."** She turned to Alex, **"Want to join us? See what O'Halloran has for us?"**

Alex nodded and joined Olivia and Elliot on the way down to the lab.

* * *

><p>When they arrived at the lab, O'Halloran explained that he had gone over the glove again but there was no more DNA to be found. However, he had found something else and he hoped it would be the thing that cracked the case.<p>

O'Halloran led them to one of the computers and explained, **"This spent .45 shell casing is the same brand of ammo our shooter used."** He pointed to the image of a bullet casing on the screen, **"I put my print on it."**

**"I don't see it."**Liv said as she scrutinized the screen.

O'Halloran pulled up an image of a shell casing from the crime scene and Elliot said, **"Looks like the print's been etched."**

O'Halloran nodded, **"It has. The heat from the gunpowder ignited caused the oils in the print to corrode the metal."**

**"So the perp wasn't wearing gloves when he loaded the gun,"**Elliot concluded.

**"Then why isn't your print etched into the other casing?"**Alex asked, confused but curious.

He smiled at her. She was pretty and he liked blondes, **"Because I'm a vegetarian."**

**"What does that mean? Vegetarians leave prints too,"**Olivia said, noticing the flirty glint in the tech's eyes as he looked at Alex.

**"Yeah. Fingerprints are chemical secretions. We secrete what we eat. My prints are less likely to corrode metal because my diet is low in sodium."**

**"So our perp's print is burned onto that casing because he eats too much of salt?"**Elliot was skeptical about O'Halloran's theory.

**"Or works around it,"**O'Halloran said with a grin.

Olivia suddenly remembered that one of Keppler's victims had been wearing a Happy Burger uniform when they went to interview him. **"Jeffrey Lynwood was wearing a fast food uniform when we went to talk to him."**

Elliot remembered the guy, **"Oh yeah. I'll call Fin and have him pick Jeffery up."**He walked away to make the call.

Olivia thanked O'Halloran and then led Alex out of the lab. **"Come on, let's get going."**

**"I'll observe while you two interrogate,"**she said as she fell into step with Olivia who was already on her way out the door.

Olivia smiled, **"Just like old times, huh, Counselor?"**

Alex nodded, **"Yeah. I never thought I'd actually be here again...it's...it's nice to have something familiar."**

Olivia nodded as they walked and then Elliot caught up to them,** "Hey, um, Munch is busy with something so I'm going to go with Fin to get Jeffery, ok?" **

**"Ok El, we'll wait at the station."** Elliot nodded then headed off to meet Fin at the car. Olivia turned to Alex, **"Well, we have some time. Want to grab some lunch?"**

**"Oh, sure. Any place in particular you'd like to go?"**she asked as they left the building.

Olivia smiled, **"Well...I was thinking we could go to that little deli we used to go to. They still have the best sandwiches. You ok with that?"**

She smiled, **"Yeah, that sounds great. You can catch me up on all the latest gossip around the precinct while we eat."**

**"You're on. Come on it's my treat."**Olivia led Alex down the sidewalk.

* * *

><p>They walked up the street to the deli and found a little booth near the back. The mid-day crowd would soon be heading in for lunch, so Alex was grateful that they'd gotten there early. Alex looked at the menu after they'd placed their drink order with the waitress and said, <strong>"I haven't been here since I've been back."<strong>

Olivia smiled, **"I come here once a week. It's about all I can handle, but today is a special occasion." **

Alex set the menu down, **"I'm sorry I didn't call sooner..."**

Olivia looked at her menu as she said, **"I can understand why you didn't."**Olivia didn't want to get into why she hadn't tried harder to see Alex before now.

**"I suppose it would be understandable after our last reunion,"** she said softly. **"It wasn't our finest hour."**

Olivia remembered that night when she had to say goodbye to Alex with everyone around, **"Yeah...I remember. I wish everyone else hadn't been there. We should've had a much better farewell."**

**"It's not the farewell I'm talking about. It was that night in the hotel,"**she said, knowing that Olivia knew what she was referring to.

**"Oh yeah...I kind of tried to block that night out actually."**She looked out the window, staring at the street without really seeing it.

**"I didn't. I relived it for several nights after...thinking about what Elliot told me..."**

Olivia turned to face Alex so fast she almost got whiplash, **"What Elliot told you? What did he say?"**

She looked at her with disbelief. Was she really going to make her spell it out? **"About the man you were dating...the one you were getting serious with."**

Olivia felt her jaw drop open. **"He told you what?"** Olivia couldn't believe it and she needed to set the record straight, **"Alex, there was no guy. I lied to Elliot about a guy a few weeks before the Connors trial to get him to stop trying to set me up with his male cousins. I never expected him to tell you about it, but believe me, there wasn't a guy."**Olivia knew that lie would bite her in the ass somehow.

**"So you haven't been with a man since I went into the program?"**

**"There were a few drunken one night stands...with both men and women...that I regretted the following morning, but...there hasn't been anyone serious since you."**Olivia said, figuring she didn't have anything to lose by being honest. Alex was happy with her girlfriend.

**"So you've been with both..."** she said, something tugging at her heart. She didn't like the idea of Olivia with men, not when she knew that the detective was as gay as she was. **"So...you hide your trysts with women and tell the guys when you go out with a man?"**

**"No. I don't tell the guys about my social life. I only lied to Elliot that one time so he wouldn't try to set me up with his cousin. I don't really date anyone. One night stands, drunk or sober, don't qualify as dating."**Olivia smirked, not liking where Alex might be going with this.

**"Is that really how you want to go through life?"** she asked, amazed at Olivia's cavalier attitude. **"I never thought you for that type. Especially not after we got together and I saw the real you."**

Olivia looked down and said in a low voice, **"What I want, I'm not going to have so...I settle for what I can get."**The waitress came over and took their order. Liv got a salami and provolone on white with a strawberry milkshake and kettle chips on the side.

Alex ordered a green salad and turkey sandwich with avocado and Swiss. Then she returned her attention to Olivia, **"I know you're not happy like this, Olivia. Even if we can't be together, you deserve better than one night stands with random people."**

**"Well...now that I know you and I aren't going to be together again...I can start to let you go."**Olivia tried to smile.

Something deep inside of Alex hurt when she heard those words. She knew it was going to happen sooner or later and in truth, she'd given up Olivia a long time ago, but something about hearing Olivia say that made her realize that it was really over. **"We'll always stay friends, though, right?"**

**"I'd like that, but I'll understand if it doesn't happen. I don't know too many women who would be happy that their girlfriend is friends with their ex,"**Olivia said, not wanting to cause problems for Alex with her current girlfriend.

**"Maybe if you and Kate met..."** she mused out loud and then thought better of it. **"On second thought, maybe not. The two of you might kill each other."**

Olivia chuckled, **"Only in self defense."**

**"Exactly,"**Alex said simply. She knew Kate would strike first if it came to it and Olivia would defend herself.

Olivia smiled, **"Really? You're saying she would attack me first? She doesn't even know me...why would she want to kill me?"**Olivia sensed there was something there...Alex's eyes always gave her away and although Olivia might be rusty at reading those eyes she still remembered some of the signs.

**"It's nothing really. She just...she's not thrilled that I'm back with SVU."**

Olivia frowned, **"Because of me or...because you're not at her precinct anymore?"**

**"Both. I called McCoy for a temporary transfer because I needed a break from Homicide. The fact that SVU came up was just coincidence, but I'm not sure she's entirely convinced that it was just that. Especially because of our past relationship."**

**"Oh. Well, I'm glad your here because we had a chance to clear the air, but I'm also sorry that it's causing problems for you."**Olivia didn't know what else to say.

**"It's ok. We're sorting it out, but...I fear this may be a permanent crack between us. She doesn't seem to trust me when it comes to you."**

Olivia decided to inject a little humor into the conversation, something she usually did in the past with Alex when they started talking about serious things, **"Well can you blame her I mean, I _am_ irresistible."**Olivia smiled and chuckled a little to show Alex she was kidding.

**"It must be that humble sensibility,"** Alex said, laughing as well. **"I'm sorry about complicating things for you."**

Olivia grinned, **"What's life without complications?"**She liked seeing Alex laugh...she'd definitely missed it.

**"Boring to some, welcome to others. What I wouldn't give to have something easy,"**she said wistfully.

Olivia stopped herself before the words _"Well I'm easy, you can have me"_escaped her lips, realizing it would cross the line. Instead, she just smiled.

**"I'm sorry. I know I'm being very serious. It's just been difficult this past week and I'm desperate to put my life back together...I probably shouldn't be talking to you about this."**

Olivia's smile faded a bit, **"Why not? If we're going to try this friends thing, talking is part of that." **

**"Because...I know you don't want to hear about Kate and me. I'm sorry."**

**"I admit it isn't my first choice of a topic, but if you need to talk about it...I'm here. It's what friends do, right?"**Olivia didn't want to know about Alex's new girlfriend but maybe if she didn't dwell on that aspect of the conversation she could handle it. She really wanted to try this, after all they had been friends before they were lovers and Olivia had missed their friendship all these years.

**"I appreciate that, Olivia. I'll do my best to keep it to a minimum. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." **

Olivia smiled, **"Ok, fair enough."**She knew when to back off and not push.

Their food arrived just moments later and Alex started with her salad. She had missed this place. **"God, of all the salads I tried in all the different places I lived, no place does it like this."**

Olivia swallowed what she had in her mouth and then asked, **"Can I ask, um...how many places have you lived? Where have you lived?"**

**"I lived in three places. The first was Wisconsin, which you knew. The second was Bay City, Illinois, and the last was Santa Fe, New Mexico. I was in Bay City for about three months, then they shipped me off to Santa Fe for the remainder."**

Olivia frowned, **"Why such a short time in Bay City?"**

**"I slipped up...I was still getting my back story straight and one day I said I was from Tulsa instead of Evanston...I had no choice."**

Olivia nodded, **"So, um...which was your favorite?"**Olivia didn't know if it was right to ask about a favorite false persona, but she was curious about Alex's time away.

**"I suppose my time as Vicky in New Mexico. I enjoyed my job and the weather was better than Illinois and Wisconsin."**_ "It's also where I met Kate,"_ she thought to herself. **"Plus I got to come home after."**

Olivia smiled, **"What were you doing? I mean what job were you in? I'm guessing the program didn't let you do anything related to law, right?"**

**"No. I was the manager of an art gallery downtown. I was a buyer and coordinator for art shows. It was great work. Very different from anything I'd ever done."**

Olivia hadn't expected that but she should've. **"You always did have an eye for good art. What, um, do you know what happened to the _deMarco_ that was in your living room before you were shot?"**Olivia had loved that painting, but she hadn't been able to claim it when Alex "died" because she didn't have any legal claim to it. She had always wondered what became of it.

**"It's in the house upstate. I guess my mother decided to move it there after I was gone. It's in one of the sitting rooms. My guess is she kept it there so that she could look at it during afternoon tea. I was surprised to see it, actually. I thought she might've given it to you."**

Olivia looked down at the mention of Alex's mom. She looked out the window as she said, **"No...she, um, she blamed me for your death because I was there when it happened and I couldn't tell her the truth. I couldn't endanger you, so I let her blame me."**

Alex swallowed hard, **"She blamed you? But it wasn't your fault...if it hadn't been for you, I might've died."**

**"Maybe...but the world believed you were dead. Elliot and I were the only ones who knew otherwise, but I couldn't tell her."** Olivia shrugged, **"I accepted the blame, knowing that I deserved some of it."**

**"How? I'm the one who pushed and pushed until Velez put out a hit on me...and her. I'm the one she should've blamed, not you."**

**"I should've been more alert, should've seen that SUV when it came around the corner, reacted faster when the gun went off. I've gone over it in my head so many times over the years..."**Olivia's voice was a bit tortured.

**"So have I...and you know what I realize? Nothing would've stopped it from happening. The important thing is that I lived and you helped that happen. That's all that matters."**

**"Yeah, you're alive, here again in New York...but at what price?"**Olivia couldn't let it go. In her mind, if Velez had never happened she would've had more time to win Alex back...even if it meant telling Elliot about them.

**"It was the way it was supposed to be. I had to go through it to get here...and I'm a better person for it."**

Olivia nodded, **"Well, I'm glad that you're back, safe and sound. I've missed working with you. Casey was great but it seems like you two were the only decent ADAs left." **

**"That's because we were,"** she said with a chuckle. **"So many good ADAs have left the office for some reason or another and the new recruits...I just don't know."**

**"Well, Greyleck wasn't cut out for SVU. She had the legal skills, but...there was always something missing."**Olivia couldn't put her finger on it but she was glad Greyleck was back in Washington.

**"It's hard to find someone who can do this. I guess that's why I'm glad I'm here. I can fill in until Jack can find someone who can really do the job right."**

**"No matter how long that takes?"**Olivia joked, she wasn't very confident that anyone but Alex and Casey could handle SVU.

Alex chuckled, **"Well, I have put a bit of a limit on it. I'll stay for six months, tops..."**

Olivia nodded, filing that information away as a deadline. **"Six months? Well I guess that's better than nothing. Glad to have you back Alex...on the team, not...you know."**

**"I know. It's good to be back, at least for now. I needed something familiar. I just hope I haven't lost my edge,"**she said with a smile.

Olivia's eyes narrowed as she took a sip of her milkshake, **"Something tells me that no amount of time in WitSec could ever dull your edge."**She smiled again.

She was about done with her salad when she heard Olivia's cell phone and she said, **"I guess we'll see. Is that the guys with Lynwood?"**

Liv checked her cell and the text confirmed Alex's guess, **"Yup, ready to get back in the groove?"**Alex nodded and then Olivia went to the counter to pay for their lunch.

Alex left the tip on the table and then followed Olivia out. The two went back to the station at a quick and quiet pace, the two eager to get to the bottom of the case.

* * *

><p>The interrogation went swiftly and though it went against her better conscience to go after a boy who was obviously slow, Alex had herself convinced that Jeffrey Lynwood had known right from wrong when he went after Keppler and she was ready to prosecute him for the doctor's murder.<p>

TBC...


	32. A Romantic Reconciliation

**Chapter 32: A Romantic Reconciliation**

She left the precinct late and went home to relax after a long, hard day. When she walked in she called out for her girlfriend, **"Kate?"**

After her appointment, Kate had walked around the city for a bit before heading to her dad's place. They had talked for a few hours before Kate decided to head home. She was in the kitchen making dinner when Alex came home. **"Hey honey, I'm in the kitchen."**

Alex moseyed into the kitchen and leaned against the door frame, **"Hey. What are you making?"**

Kate looked up and smiled, **"Chicken Cordon Bleu with penne and marinara. Also, there's peach cobbler with vanilla ice cream for dessert. I hope you're hungry."**Kate turned back to the stove to stir the homemade marinara sauce.

**"As a matter of fact, I am. We had a long night and I'm starved."** She walked over to the stove and peeked at the food, **"Looks amazing. When did you have time to make all of this?"**

Kate smiled as she kissed Alex's cheek, **"I came home earlier than I expected so I thought I'd make some of your favorites. My way of trying to mend some fences."** Kate looked down into the pot of sauce. **"The cobbler's in the oven and this sauce is almost perfect."** Kate smiled, **"You have time if you want to change into something more comfortable."**

**"I think I'll do that. I've been on my feet all day and walking around in these heels hasn't been easy. I'll just be a few minutes,"**she said, kissing Kate on the cheek and then heading into the bedroom. She returned a few minutes later in a pair of gray yoga pants and a white tank.

Kate turned to look at Alex, **"You look great. I like this look on you."** She began serving up the food and placed the plates on the table next to the bottle of red wine that she'd opened up to breathe. She then went to Alex's chair and held it out for her and put on a really good French accent, **"Mademoiselle, if you please?"**She waited for Alex to sit.

Alex sat down and looked down at her plate with a smile, **"You're spoiling me, you know."**

Kate leaned down and whispered into Alex's ear, **"That's the plan, so sit back and let me, please?"** Kate straightened up and sat down in the chair across from Alex, **"I like making you smile, I like spoiling you...because I love you Alex."**She reached out and placed her hand over Alex's.

**"I love you too Kate. This just seems...I don't know...we were so unhappy last night and now...it's like none of it happened."**

Kate shook her head, **"It happened, I'm not trying to erase it or pretend it didn't, I just want us to see if we can still be together like we used to be. We can work through our issues tomorrow, but tonight, I'd like to see if we can still...be us, ok?"**Kate hoped this would work...otherwise she was going to give Dr. Melfi a piece of her mind.

Alex nodded and said, **"Ok, that sounds good to me."**She picked up her fork and knife and started eating. She couldn't help but savor the moment. It was exactly what she needed, what they needed.

Kate watched Alex eat for a moment and then she dug in too. She was glad Alex had agreed to her suggestion and she wanted tonight to be perfect. The oven timer dinged a few minutes into their meal and Kate stood up, **"Excuse me, cobbler's ready."** She went to the oven and, using an oven mitt, she pulled the cobbler out and placed it on a rack to cool while they finished eating. She turned off the oven and went back to the table. **"How's the chicken?"**

**"Amazing, like everything you make. Sometimes I think you missed your calling as a chef, but at least I get to experience it,"**she said with a grin and then took a sip of her wine.

Kate felt herself blush, **"I don't have the talent to go pro, but I love having someone to cook for who appreciates it."**She smiled as she brought her fork with chicken on it to her mouth.

While Alex enjoyed her meal, she kept peeking up at Kate and smiling like a little schoolgirl. She liked that they didn't have to think about anything that had happened. She was safe and after her talk with Olivet that morning, she was reminded of that.

* * *

><p>When they finished dinner, Kate asked, <strong>"Did you want dessert now or should we wait a bit to let dinner settle?" <strong>

**"I want some, but...I have a very specific plan in mind and I want to make sure it's cool enough that it doesn't burn..."**

Kate smiled as she arched an eyebrow, **"Ok...how about watching a movie while we wait?"**

Alex nodded and smiled evilly, **"I can't wait until I can drizzle you with sweet peaches. Pick a short movie, ok?"**

Kate felt a tingle from below at Alex's words and she smiled, **"In that case, how about we pop in a DVD from the first season of _House_ ? We can watch a nice, short 45-minute episode. Sound good?"**

**"Sounds perfect, but I might not be able to keep my hands off of you in the meantime."**

**"That's ok with me. Come on."** Kate put their plates in the dishwasher and then walked to the living room. She looked over her shoulder to see Alex following her. **"I'll get the DVDs."**She went to the entertainment center and found the box set. She put in the first disc of season five, wanting to watch a very specific episode, and then walked back to the couch. She stretched out in her usual position, waiting for Alex to sit down in front of her so she could hold her like she usually did.

Alex shook her head, **"No, I want that spot tonight baby...please?"**

Kate stood up after a second of hesitation and said, **"Whatever you want honey."**

Alex settled into Kate's usual spot and opened her arms to the brunette. She wanted to hold her for two reasons: one, because she wanted to pamper Kate a little and two, because she had very naughty hands that needed to occupy themselves somehow.

Kate settled into Alex's arms on the couch. She sighed when she felt Alex's arms wrap around her. She lifted the remote and selected the episode, _"Lucky Thirteen"_ and then gently dropped the remote on the floor next to the couch. She leaned her head back on Alex's shoulder, **"Your arms feel good around me. I've missed them."**

**"You're about to feel a lot better, baby,"**Alex whispered into Kate's ear before dropping a soft kiss on her lobe. One hand began to drift upwards as the show started, but Alex's eyes were focused on her lover, not the screen. She crept up inch by inch until she was cupping Kate's breast.

Kate's eyes closed as she felt Alex's hand on her breast. **"Alex...if, um, if we start this...let's make sure we finish it, ok?"**Kate didn't know if she could take another night of foreplay with no release.

**"My thoughts exactly, babe. I want you to make me come, Kate, your hand, your tongue, your body, all you..."**She slipped Kate's bra up over her breasts so that she could tease and tweak her nipples.

Kate arched up into Alex's hand. **"Anything you want baby...anything..."**She ran her hands over Alex's thighs, her fingers gently massaging the muscles as Alex played with her breasts.

Alex was working her slowly because she was waiting for their dessert to cool. She wanted to lick the sweet glaze from Kate's breasts after thoroughly painting them and then trail the drizzle lower so that she could lick all the way down to her lover's pussy and bring her to climax. As they lay on the couch, Alex was teasing Kate's nipples until they were stiff and then her palm would soothe them back down.

Kate was on fire. She turned her head and captured Alex's lips, needing to taste her lover. She'd have to wait for the real flavor but she'd settle for what she could get right then. She slipped her tongue into Alex's mouth and moaned when she felt the blonde's tongue move against hers.

Alex squeezed Kate's breasts a little harder now, her hunger clear in her actions. She might just have to put her plan on the back burner and take Kate right now, just like this.

Kate couldn't take it anymore. She flipped over until she was hovering over Alex and she broke their kiss to look down at her girlfriend, grinning.** "I know you have plans for me and the cobbler, but...I don't think I can wait for that."**She leaned down and began kissing Alex's neck, slowly trailing lower to her chest, her hands the only thing holding her up so she didn't crush the blonde.

**"Do you think we should move this to the bed so that we can have more room?"**Alex asked, her voice breathy.

Kate lifted her head and looked at Alex, **"Yeah...come on, I have a surprise for you in the bedroom."**Kate slowly stood up and reached a hand down to Alex.

**"Or would you rather I carry you again?"**

Alex shook her head, **"No, save your strength for later."**She followed Kate into their bedroom.

Kate led Alex to their bed, which she'd remade that afternoon with red satin sheets, and sat her down at the foot of the bed. **"Wait here just one moment, ok? I promise, you'll like this surprise."** Kate leaned down and kissed Alex quickly. **"I'll be right back."**She slipped into their bathroom and closed the door.

A few moments later, she came back into the bedroom wearing a black stretchy lace dress with a teasing tie up top and matching black g-string...she stood in front of Alex, **"You like?"**

Alex was practically salivating when she looked Kate over from head to toe, **"I love. Do you know how wet you just made me?"**

Kate reached for Alex's hand and pressed it between her own legs, **"I don't know...as wet as you made me?"**

Alex felt butterflies in her stomach and then they took a quick trip south. She started rubbing Kate between her legs, the thin fabric getting damp. **"I want to make you come so badly, Kate."**

Kate's head fell backwards as her body took over for her brain. She moaned at the movement of Alex's hand, **"Oh yes baby..."** Kate stepped closer until she was kneeling on the bed, straddling Alex's thighs. She looked down at her girlfriend and smiled as she ran her hands through the silky blonde hair, **"Make me yours again Alex, please..."**Kate leaned down and kissed Alex, her tongue sliding into the blonde's mouth.

Alex moved her hands around to cup Kate's ass. She squeezed rhythmically and then helped lower the brunette down until Alex was on her back and Kate was hovering over her. She urged Kate's pussy down until it made contact with her soft cotton pants and she encouraged her to rock.

Kate braced herself on the bed as she hovered over Alex, her hips rocking against the blonde. Kate broke the kiss and began trailing her lips down Alex's neck, licking and sucking the smooth skin she'd missed so much. As her lips traveled down to Alex's collarbone, she lightly nipped the skin there then soothed it with her tongue before moving to Alex's ear to whisper, **"I love you so much...I've missed making love with you and I want to spend this whole night showing you exactly how right we are together baby. If you'll let me..."**Kate pulled back so that she could look her girlfriend in the eye.

Alex looked up into Kate's eyes and stroked her hair, **"I want this so much baby. Please, show me, teach me, love me."**She pulled her back down for a kiss, her body running hot as she longed to feel her bare skin against Kate's.

Kate ran one hand up Alex's shirt, caressing the hot, smooth skin until she reached Alex's breast. She teased the nipple as she deepened their kiss and then shifted to her knees so she could use her other hand. She broke the kiss just long enough to remove Alex's shirt.

She looked down at the perfect, smooth breasts and she smiled, **"I love looking at you like this, flushed pink from arousal, chest heaving, eyes dilated, it's all the proof I need to know that you are mine and I am yours and together...nothing can break us Alex...nothing."**She leaned down and wrapped her lips around a rosy nipple, sucking on it while her hand teased the other one. She grinned against the skin when she heard Alex's breathing speed up.

Alex ran her hands over the length of Kate's back, the urge to drag her nails over Kate's back strong. She found the hem of the dress and started inching it up so that she could expose Kate's tan skin.

Kate kissed her way to the other breast, her hands running down Alex's body to the waistband of her pants. She teased the skin there, her nails lightly scratching Alex's belly. She lifted her head and said, **"These need to come off...now."**

Alex nodded her agreement, her thighs quivering as Kate pulled the pants off. She was gripping the sheets and watching her girlfriend carefully.

Kate threw the pants across the room and smiled down at her naked girlfriend, **"No panties? Someone's been planning naughty things..."** She sat up, still straddling Alex's thighs, and slowly, teasingly removed her dress, leaving herself in just the g-string. She reached for Alex's hands and brought them to the ties on either side of her panties. **"You want to do the honors baby?" **

Alex bit her lip as if she were in deep thought and with a smooth motion, she pulled the ties until the bows came undone. She watched as the material slipped down but it stuck between Kate's legs and she grinned, **"Oh, that's hot..."** She had to pull it away and smiled when she saw Kate's glistening skin, **"Yum."**

Kate smiled down at Alex, **"That's what you do to me baby...that's all you."**She ran her hands down Alex's torso, loving the feel of the smooth, taut skin beneath her fingertips.

**"How do you want me to make love to you? Fingers? Tongue? Both?"**Alex asked, desperate for the brunette.

Kate thought about that, then she grinned, wickedly, **"I want to feel your mouth on me, I want your tongue deep inside of me, your hands on my breasts as I come in your mouth."** Kate lowered her hands down to Alex's center and ran her fingers through the wetness there, gathering some of it up before bringing her fingers to her lips. She licked her them clean, **"Now that's a flavor I've missed."** She winked at Alex, **"Make me yours Alex, please."**

Alex was more than happy to oblige. She rolled Kate so that the brunette was resting on the bed and then told her to scoot up so that her head was on the pillows. She kissed Kate's lips and then began her descent, licking and kissing over Kate's breasts, her taut stomach, and finally between her legs. She scratched Kate's thighs for several moments until the brunette was quivering, then she glanced up at her girlfriend and saw the pained look on her face. She didn't want to make Kate suffer, so she parted Kate's pussy lips and started licking at her clit, the warmth of the wetness coating her tongue.

Kate's head dropped to the pillow and her body was on fire. She brought one hand to Alex's head, encouraging her to keep going, the other hand gripped the bed sheet. **"Oh yeah baby, don't stop."**She spread her legs even wider, giving her lover greater access.

Alex sucked and licked Kate's clit while her left hand moved up to massage Kate's full breast. Her other hand moved between Kate's legs and with ease, she slipped two fingers inside of the brunette. She pumped in and out at a medium pace, her fingers moving from knuckle to tip each time.

Kate's hips moved in rhythm with Alex's fingers, her orgasm building with each stroke. She dropped her hand from Alex's head, not wanting to hurt her as she gripped the sheets tightly. **"I'm so close baby...don't stop...oh God!" **

Alex spoke against Kate's clit, **"I love you,"**and then kissed it, her fingers working deep and fast as she felt the contractions of the muscles. She was brushing her fingers over Kate's breasts and working her with passion, wanting her to come into her mouth.

The vibration from Alex's declaration of love shot through Kate's clit and brought her to the edge. She let herself go and felt her whole body tighten as her orgasm washed over her. She came with Alex's name on her lips as her hands came close to tearing a hole through the bedding.

Alex waited until the pulsing stopped and she placed one last kiss on Kate's clit before sliding up to lay next to her girlfriend. She rubbed Kate's stomach and smiled as the brunette's body relaxed and the glow spread over her skin.

Kate turned her head to look at Alex. The self-satisfied look on the blonde's face brought a smile to Kate's lips, **"That was amazing...God I've missed this with you."**In a surge of energy, Kate rolled over and moved Alex onto her back, kissing her, tasting herself on her lips, and it turned her on even more. She moved her leg between Alex's legs and pressed against her center.

Alex moaned into the kiss and pressed harder against Kate's leg, her hips slowly rocking. She needed Kate, needed to come, and it wouldn't take much to make it happen at this point.

Kate broke their kiss and looked at Alex with a smile before she began kissing her way down her body. Kate lavished attention on Alex's breasts, her hands flat on the bed to hold her up, and then licked her way down Alex's abs, using her tongue to outline the muscles that barely showed through the creamy skin. She gave more attention to Alex's abs than she had to her breasts because it once again hit her that if they couldn't work things out and get back to where they had been before Dunn...she'd never get to see Alex pregnant with their child. Kate felt tears well up and she paused to take a breath, resting her forehead on Alex's belly before she shook off that poisonous thought and continued her journey towards her goal. She ran her tongue through the fine hairs between Alex's legs before she flicked it against her clit. Kate's hands moved to Alex's thighs and she softly massaged them as she eased them further apart. She smiled before she lowered her head again and began sucking on the blonde's clit, desperate to bring her lover to the edge.

As Alex lay there, it didn't escape her notice that Kate had rested her forehead against her lower abdomen and she wondered if the brunette was thinking the same thing she was. Would they have the baby they so longed for? Alex knew she still wanted that and she hoped Kate did too, but she let any worries slip out of her mind when she felt Kate between her legs. She moaned and cupped her own breasts, her pussy pressing against Kate's mouth.

Kate moved her tongue lower, sliding it inside Alex's pussy. She gathered the wetness on her tongue and savored the flavor. Kate moved her fingers from Alex's thigh and slipped them into the blonde's wet center after pulling her tongue out. She began moving in and out of Alex as she licked and sucked on her clit and the rocking of her lover's hips indicated she was close. Kate hummed into Alex's clit, knowing the vibration would push her lover over the edge. Alex gripped the sheets and moaned, her body flushed pink as she inched closer and closer to the edge. She arched her back and growled when her orgasm finally hit her, Kate's name on her lips as her entire body trembled. She relaxed down onto the bed, her chest heaving and her eyes a lighter blue in the wake of the overwhelming pleasure.

Kate couldn't help the wide smile that spread on her face when she looked up at Alex. She loved seeing Alex like this, satisfied, spent, totally relaxed... What made it even better was the knowledge that she was the reason for it. Kate slowly kissed her way back up her lover's body pausing once again at Alex's abs to say a silent prayer for their future. She ran her tongue over the pulse point on Alex's neck, then she lifted her head and looked into Alex's eyes, **"I love you...so much..."** Kate felt the tears well up again as she whispered, **"Please...please don't leave me. I don't think I can handle losing you, ok?"**Kate buried her face in Alex's neck, inhaling the comforting scent of her skin as she held her tight.

Alex ran her fingers through Kate's hair and said, **"I'm not going to leave you honey. I promise. I love you and I want to have everything that we've talked about. I just need some time to sort everything, but I'm working on it, ok? For us."**

Kate tried to calm herself down enough to be able to look at Alex and talk clearly, **"Ok, I will give you all the time you need, but...I don't want to be away from you again. These last few days without you were hell. I hated being at the house without you, so I'll give you time, but...I can't stay away from you, please don't ask me to."**Kate was beyond caring if she came off as needy or weak, she was beyond the need to preserve her facade or her pride. She just needed to be honest with Alex and make sure she knew where she stood. She waited to hear what Alex would say, praying she wouldn't ask for space again.

**"I won't ask you to be away from me, I swear. I thought it would help us, but I think it just made things worse. I was wrong and I'm sorry Kate. I love you,"**Alex said as she rubbed Kate's back slowly, hoping to calm her down.

Kate held tightly onto Alex, her face buried in her neck again. She heard the blonde's words and they soothed her a little, knowing that Alex wouldn't ask her to leave again. There wasn't anything Kate wouldn't do for Alex to help her heal, but she wouldn't be able to stand the pain of being separated again. She turned her head so her lips were right next to Alex's ear and she said, brokenly through her tears, **"Thank you. I love you."**

When Alex heard Kate's broken voice, she started crying as well and said, **"Shh, I'm right here, baby. Please don't cry...I don't like it when you cry."**

Kate first instinct was to try to bottle it all back up, bury it deep inside again, whatever she needed to do to stop Alex's tears, but she knew that even if she could call it back in, it was too late, and it wouldn't be right. She needed to let herself feel and get it all out so that she and Alex could be healthy again. She looked up into Alex's eyes and quickly wiped her own tears away before she brought her hand to Alex's face and carefully wiped hers away. **"I'm sorry...I never wanted to make you cry. I just...I can't leave you again."** Kate ran a hand over Alex's belly, gently, reverently. She stared at her hand as it drew circles on the taut skin, **"I want us to be a family. I want to see you carrying our child and I want to be yours, forever. I will wait as long as I have to for that to happen. I will give you all the time that you need baby."** She looked into Alex's blue eyes, **"That's how much I love you...and that will never change, no matter what."**She leaned down and placed a light kiss on Alex's lips.

Alex kissed Kate back and placed her hand over Kate's on her own tummy. She wanted the same thing that Kate did and she loved her with all her heart. She encouraged Kate to stretch out next to her and then she covered their bodies with a blanket and whispered, **"Close your eyes, honey. I think we're both tired...we'll feel better in the morning. I promise that we're going to be together and we're going to have everything that we want."**

Kate settled in, snuggling close to Alex as she closed her eyes, **"I'm going to hold you to that promise."**Kate smiled briefly before she fell asleep.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Alex woke up and smiled when she felt Kate curled up right next to her. She stroked the brunette's back and stayed still as she listened to her breathing. It was the first time in a week that things felt back to normal and she didn't want to lose the feeling. She was so happy that it was the weekend and that they didn't have to think about anything until Monday.<p>

Kate woke up slowly, her body curled around Alex's, and the sensation made her smile. She stretched out slowly, careful not to break contact with Alex's skin. She glanced up at her girlfriend and smiled happily as she said, **"Good morning baby. I've missed waking up with you."**She leaned up and lightly kissed her.

Alex nodded, **"Me too. It feels like it's been so long since we've done this and it's only really been a week. Isn't that weird?"**

Kate leaned her head on her hand as she said, **"Weird? Yeah a little, but given how we were before...it's not that surprising. Every day apart feels like an eternity. I love you, I never want to spend that much time apart again." **

**"Me neither. It was torture around here without you..."** She tickled Kate's back and continued, **"In fact, I had to call a friend of mine to stay with me because I was so upset..."**

Kate was reminded of the night when Martha told her she saw Alex with another woman and she felt her insecurity start to rise up. Before it had a chance to reach the surface, she clamped it down and put on her poker face, **"Oh? Anyone I know?"**

**"No. She's someone I used to know from the DA's office. We went out for coffee that first night so that I could talk...I just needed someone and she's always been a good friend. She helped me out a lot."**

Kate saw the truth in Alex's eyes and she felt something inside her heart unwind and relax. She smiled, **"Well, while I wish I could've been the one you talked to that night, I'm glad that you had someone that could help you. Maybe the three of us could meet for drinks one night?"**Kate was determined to not let her jealousy mess up this second chance she was getting with Alex.

Alex smiled, **"Yeah, that would be great. I keep hoping that Serena will meet someone...she really deserves it, but she's had a really hard time finding a nice girl. Not everyone can be as lucky as I am."**

Kate ran her fingers lightly over Alex's belly, **"We're both lucky to have found each other baby. As for...Serena, was it? Maybe between the two of us we can find someone for her." **

**"You really think we could?"**Alex asked with surprise. She really wanted her best friend to be as happy as she and Kate were.

Kate grinned, **"Yeah...I just had an idea. We can set her up with Olivia and kill two birds with one stone...what do you think?"**Kate's voice made it clear she was only kidding but if Alex found merit in the suggestion...well that would be fine too.

Alex chuckled, **"Um, I know you're kidding, but even if you weren't, it would never work out between them. Serena likes women who can be open about who they are. Olivia is tragically closeted and probably always will be."**

Kate chuckled, **"Ok, so not her... besides, I was kidding. It would be really weird to go out on a double date with them. Don't worry, though, we'll figure something out. In the meantime,"** Kate grinned and leaned her head down to begin placing light kisses up and down Alex's neck, **"I'm getting hungry, you up for some breakfast?"**

**"Yes. I'm sure any minute my stomach will start growling embarrassingly,"** she said with a grin. **"Do you want me to get your robe?"**

Kate looked up at her and grinned, **"Well I was thinking of cooking in the nude, but maybe a robe would be better."**

**"Yeah, we need to protect your skin as much as we need to protect mine."** She got up from the bed reluctantly and swaggered over to the closet to get both their robes. Then she stopped just a few feet from the bed and said, **"Let me see and then you can have your robe."**

Kate frowned, **"See? See what? My nude, toned, fully satisfied body or..."**Kate liked teasing Alex and it felt good to be able to do that her again.

Alex laughed, **"Well duh, what else would I be asking to see if not your nude, toned, fully satisfied body? I want to see my handiwork in action."**

Kate smiled as she stepped out of bed and slowly walked over to Alex. She stood a few steps away from her girlfriend and grinned, **"Well, I thought you were going to inspect me for new tattoos or something..."** She began twirling in a circle, slowly letting Alex take a good long look, **"Do I meet with your approval?"**Kate's tone was playful.

**"For now...but we have to keep up that gorgeous glow...and I do recall putting off my plans last night for dessert..."**

Kate smiled, **"Well I think I can guess what we'll be having for breakfast..."** Kate leaned forward and ran her hands down Alex's body, from her shoulders to her thighs, **"I just hope it's still good after sitting on the counter all night." **

**"Well let's go find out,"**Alex said with a wicked grin before she slipped on her robe. She took Kate's hand once she was covered and led her to the kitchen.

Kate followed Alex to the kitchen, loving the feeling of their hands linked together. After their separation, any contact was something Kate savored. They walked into the kitchen and Kate wrapped her arms around Alex from behind when the blonde stopped walking. She rested her chin on Alex's shoulder and placed a kiss on her neck, **"So, what's the verdict? Still good?"**

Alex dipped her finger into the filling and brought it up for Kate to taste, **"You tell me."**

Kate wrapped her lips around Alex's finger and sucked on it. She licked it clean, but didn't let go right away. She ran her tongue over the digit and slowly slid her mouth up until just the tip remained between her lips. She flicked her tongue over the tip before releasing it and the whole time she never took her eyes away from Alex's. She smiled, **"Tastes great to me... and the peaches were good too, by the way."**

Alex blushed and said, **"Well, I'm glad to hear it."** She picked up a serving spoon and served some of the dessert into a bowl. She turned to Kate and said, **"Come on, let's go back in the other room so that I can glaze your body."**

Kate smiled before she said, **"Wait, we're missing two key ingredients."** Kate went to the fridge and took out a can of Reddi Whip before she disappeared back into their bedroom to find a jar of Body Chocolate she'd been saving for just this occasion. She ran back to the kitchen and held both up for Alex's inspection, **"You have the cobbler but I want to make you my own personal sundae, ok?"**She hoped Alex would agree because she really wanted to lick chocolate and whipped cream off of Alex's already sweet, delicious body.

Alex looked at the jar of chocolate and cocked an eyebrow, **"Two things, when did you get that and why have I never seen it before now?"**

Kate grinned as she felt herself blush a little, **"I, um...I bought it yesterday when I was out shopping for dinner...I was on my way home when I passed that little sex shop a couple of blocks over. I went in just to look around and I guess I just couldn't resist,"**Kate explained. She hoped Alex wouldn't think she was being presumptuous in buying the chocolate, but she just couldn't help herself.

Alex chuckled and kissed the tip of Kate's nose, **"You are adorable and it's a good idea keeping it in our room. Last thing we want is Kevin coming over, finding it in the cupboard, and asking if he can have some."**

Kate smiled, **"You're right about that, I wouldn't even know what to say. Come on, let's go back to our bed and put this stuff to good use."** Kate wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, keeping the cold can of whipped cream away from her back. She smiled at her, **"We have all day to enjoy ourselves and I intend to thoroughly enjoy you."**She leaned closer and kissed her.

They walked to their room and Alex set the cobbler down on the night table. She went to the closet and took out a soft blanket that she'd picked up for just this occasion. It would protect their regular bedding from staining so that they could go crazy without worrying. Alex looked at Kate and said, **"Ok, who's going first?"**

Kate smiled at Alex's preparations. She set her items down on the other night table and said, **"Well, since you've been waiting since last night, you can go first...besides, what I have in mind for you is going to take all day."** Kate winked at Alex before she dropped her robe and stretched out on the bed, her arms resting on the pillows and her legs spread just enough to hint at what lay further in. She smiled up at her lover, **"Ready when you are baby. I'm all yours."**

Alex's thighs clenched when she saw Kate lying there like that, but she had to remind herself to stay cool and not lose it. She picked up the bowl and tilted it so that the fruit and glaze started pouring over Kate's tight abs and up to her chest. She set the bowl down and started smearing the peaches with two fingers, circling Kate's nipples and her navel. **"God, this is so hot..."**

The fruit was a little chilly after being out all night but Kate didn't mind...it was better than it being right out of the fridge. She smiled at the look on Alex's face and suddenly it didn't seem that cold at all. Her head fell back on the pillow and she closed her eyes, letting herself get lost in the moment. Kate was once again thankful that it was the weekend and there was no chance of work interrupting them, especially since she was still on leave.

Alex painted the last bit of peach glaze onto Kate's lips and then she leaned down and started kissing her, the brunette's natural essence mixing with the sweetness of the dessert. She kissed her until there wasn't a trace of peach left and then started down to Kate's breasts, a soft "Mmmm" escaping her lips.

Kate savored the tantalizing mix of the peaches and Alex. She forced herself to keep her hands stretched out at her sides, letting Alex have complete control, trusting her implicitly. When she felt her lover's hot mouth on her breast, a moan escaped her lips.

Alex circled Kate's nipples until again, every inch was clean and then she moved lower, focusing on her abs. She worked her tongue back and forth, licking lower and lower until she reached Kate's dark curls and she looked up and grinned, **"Are you ready for me baby?"**

Kate struggled to get her breathing under control enough to pant out, **"I've been ready...since I woke up, honey...please...don't keep me waiting...I need to feel your mouth...on me..."** Kate's head lifted from the pillow, she gave in and brought her hands to Alex's hair and ran her fingers through the silky strands. **"Please, Alex...please."**

Alex settled between Kate's legs and inhaled her lover's scent before diving straight inside of the brunette with her tongue. She massaged Kate's swollen clit with her thumb while she thrust in and out of Kate's depths.

Kate's hips began to rock of their own accord, her body disconnecting from her brain as she lost the ability to think. She was so close already just from the foreplay that she knew it wouldn't take much and she was right. Her hands tightened their grip on Alex's hair as she felt her orgasm rise and rush to the surface. She felt her body grow taut as it crashed over her in waves so strong she began to see spots in her vision. At the very peak of her climax, Kate felt herself losing consciousness and she gave in to it, knowing she couldn't fight it. Before she passed out, she cried out Alex's name. Alex remained in place until the pulses stopped, then she propped herself up and looked up at Kate, smiling when she saw her tuckered out girlfriend.

* * *

><p>Slowly, Kate began to stir and she rejoined the land of the living. She slowly rolled her head towards her girlfriend and smiled lazily, <strong>"Hey stud..." <strong>

**"Stud, huh? Did I ever tell you you're good for my self esteem?"**Alex asked as she moved next to Kate and took the brunette into her arms.

Kate had recovered enough to giggle, **"Well...considering no one else has ever been able to make me pass out in bed like that before, I'd say you've earned that title."**She ran a hand lightly over Alex's abs.

**"I'll understand if you want to take a little break. We have all day to be together. You just look so beautiful like this and I want to hold you."**

Kate looked into Alex's eyes and smiled, **"We can take a break. After all, I like it when you hold me. The chocolate can wait."** She began lightly running her nails over Alex's belly and then said in a somewhat sad and distracted voice, **"Do you, um...do you still want to have a child with me?"**Kate was afraid to look into her lover's eyes in case the answer was no.

Alex smiled sweetly and touched her cheek, **"Of course I do. I've...noticed that you've been touching my tummy a lot, is that why? Because you're worried that I'm going to say no?"**

Kate nodded, **"That's part of it..."**She rested on the smooth skin, feeling the warmth seep into her hand.

**"What's the other part?"**Alex asked, her muscles relaxing under Kate's touch.

Kate took a breath, taking Dr. Melfi's advice about opening up and being honest about her fears, **"When...when I was at the house, alone and missing you...I started thinking about our future. I started thinking about the plans we'd made and...for a moment it occurred to me that if we didn't get things right again...we would lose that future."** Kate felt tears begin to gather in her eyes and she used her other hand to wipe them away. **"I had flashes of being in my apartment, five cats crawling all over the place, alone with nothing but my job and my memories to keep me warm at night. I hated it... I want my future to always include you and...our children. Ever since I fell asleep in the guest bedroom two nights ago, I've been seeing visions of you pregnant with our child and it made me smile. I guess that's why I've been paying extra attention to your belly...I've been picturing you carrying our child."**Kate lowered her head and placed soft kisses around Alex's belly button.

Alex smiled and ran her fingers through Kate's hair, **"When you picture it, what do you see, baby? Tell me about your vision for us and our babies..."**She wanted to hear it so that she could share in Kate's vision.

Kate smiled, **"I see you...glowing and beautiful. Sometimes you're lying on the couch and I'm rubbing your feet after a long day. Other times, you're relaxing in the tub and I am crouched down next to you, just looking at you. My favorite times, though, are when you're on the bed and I am spooning you and we're almost asleep and I have my hand on your belly, rubbing slowly as you drift off in my arms."** Kate looked up into Alex's eyes. **"You should know that, for the entire duration of the pregnancy, I am going to wait on you hand and foot. There's going to be tummy rubs, foot rubs, back rubs, and the always popular silly baby talk directly to the baby." **

Alex could picture all of that in her mind's eye and she felt tears, **"That sounds amazing, baby. Um...you know, we've never actually talked about who we want to be our donor...and since we're thinking about doing this soon, I hope, um, maybe we should talk about it."**

**"Ok, let's talk about it. Were you thinking of using someone we know or an anonymous donor?"**Kate was fine either way as long as it wasn't Castle.

**"I'd like to ask someone we know. I think in some ways it's safer than picking an anonymous donor. Would that be ok?"**

Kate smiled, **"Of course, just...not Castle, ok?"**

**"Oh, absolutely not. He's a great guy, but yeah, no. Actually, I have someone in mind and I've been waiting to talk to him until we discussed it. We met in college and we've kept in touch ever since."**

Kate was curious now, **"Oh? Who is he?"**

**"His name is Ryan, he works for NBC in their programming department. He's really sweet and I think you'd totally like him."**

Kate arched her eyebrow, **"Is he cute?"**She knew that was a shallow question but she figured Alex was so beautiful that it would be a shame to have a less than attractive donor.

**"Do you want to see pictures? I have some in my old college album."**

She giggled, **"Baby, I don't need to see a picture right now if it means you have to leave the bed to get it, but you can tell me more about him."**Kate wasn't ready to let go of Alex.

**"Well, he's really funny, very smart, and to answer your earlier question, he's gorgeous. He's about 6'1" with sandy brown hair, blue eyes, and a great smile. Our children would be beautiful and insanely smart and kind."**

Kate thought about Alex's description, **"He sounds perfect but I have to ask, he's not...you know, one of the guys you 'dated' to cover for being gay is he?"**She hated having to ask but she needed to know.

**"Well, kind of. We dated each other to keep our parents in the dark about our sexuality, so I never did anything with him, obviously. We covered for each other when we'd go out on dates, but then he fell in love and we 'broke up.'"**

Kate took a moment to think about that, knowing if she said the wrong thing it might spark a fight. She didn't know if she liked the idea of using one of Alex's "exes" as their donor. **"Wait, you dated him to keep both your parents in the dark?"**

**"Yeah, he's as gay as I am. We figured that if we dated each other, our parents would be happy and we could be free to date whoever we wanted,"** Alex said as she rubbed Kate's stomach. **"Does that bother you?"**

Kate smiled, **"A little, but that was before you told me he was gay too. We should set up a lunch or something so I can meet him, but honey, are you sure he'd be okay just being a donor?"**Kate didn't want to get into any kind of custody battle with this guy if he decided he wanted to be a real "daddy."

**"Well, we can talk to him and see how we feels about it. We talked about kids one night when we were in college and he told me that he could never really see himself as a father, but that was a long time ago. If he's uncomfortable with the idea, we can always look for someone else."**

Kate smiled, **"Ok that sounds good."** She leaned closer and rubbed her nose against Alex's. **"But sweetie, any baby who had half of your genes is going to be gorgeous and smart and I am going to love him or her with all my heart." **

**"Well, that's another thing...I was sort of hoping that we could use your egg...I want to carry your baby,"**Alex said nervously.

Kate's first thought was she would love for Alex to carry her child...her next thought was it sounded like a very expensive procedure. **"Really? You'd want that?"**

**"Don't you? I mean, we agreed that it would be safer for me to carry the babies, but...I'd like one to be yours Kate."**

Kate smiled, **"Of course I'd want that. It would be such a wonderful thing, I just...I didn't think you'd still want that after...everything..."**Her voice drifted off as she thought about Dunn and Nikki Heat and the mess they'd left behind.

**"Of course I do, baby. Why wouldn't I?"**she asked as she leaned forward and kissed Kate's shoulder.

Kate looked away as she said, **"I didn't think you'd want to carry Nikki Heat's baby."**Kate tone indicated she was joking, making light of the situation for a moment.

Alex thought about where she was going, **"Look, babe, even if I carried a baby that was mine, we're still together and he or she would be your child. We'd still face the same issues...wouldn't it be better to just go for it? Unless you don't want that..."** She remembered that Olivia had had reservations about having a baby that was biologically hers because of her genetics and maybe Kate had the same issues.

Kate shifted and then rolled them over until she was hovering over her girlfriend, **"Honey, there's nothing I want more than to have children with you. My eggs, your eggs, it doesn't matter to me as long as they are healthy and ours. I love you Alex and I will love any child that comes from us because he or she will be a product of our love." **She leaned down and began kissing Alex's neck.

Alex closed her eyes and smiled, **"Thank you. I can't wait until we can hold our little one in our arms. I'll give Ryan a call soon so that we can have him over for dinner or something."**

Kate smiled, **"Good...but enough talk...I'm getting a craving for chocolate covered you..."**Kate ran her hands all over Alex's body before she reached for the jar of chocolate.

She spent the next three hours licking chocolate off her lover's skin, reapplying it and licking it off again. She repeated that pattern over and over until Alex finally begged for release, so Kate happily obliged, bringing Alex to a powerful climax that left the blonde breathless, sweaty, and weak, but definitely satisfied.

Kate shifted and gathered her close, snuggling into her lover as they fell into a midday nap.

TBC...


	33. Two Months Later

**Chapter 33: Two Months Later...**

Over the next two months, Alex and Kate spent their time rebuilding their foundation. They spent time with Alex's family over the Easter holiday and went on vacation to the Hamptons with Castle's family. They also sat down to dinner with Alex's best friend Ryan to talk about the possibility of him being their sperm donor. He had taken the request well and agreed to do whatever he could to help Alex and Kate conceive a baby. The two women let him know that they were still working on some of their issues left over from the Dunn case, but when the time came, they'd send over the papers so that he could sign away his paternal rights and accompany him to the sperm bank.

It was a huge load off of Alex's mind to know that at least that was in place for the two of them. She was still with SVU and was hoping that Jack would call her and let her know that he'd found a permanent replacement, but so far nothing. Her friendship with Olivia had grown stronger as the weeks went by and they'd been going out to lunch once a week to catch up and spend some time outside of work. This particular day she was working late in her office and wanted nothing more than to go home and take a bath with Kate, but unfortunately, duty called and she had to finish up her closing for the next morning.

* * *

><p>Olivia Benson was feeling pretty good. Over the last two months she had solidified her friendship with Alex, laying the foundation for something deeper. She knew Alex claimed to be happy and in love with her girlfriend, but she'd seen the sadness in her eyes and knew that things weren't perfect and rosy in their relationship. Olivia knew, deep in her bones, that she and Alex were meant to be together; she'd always known they were soul mates. The proof had come when Alex had survived the shooting. Fate had given them a second chance by letting Alex live and that night when they'd said goodbye, Olivia had seen it in Alex's eyes, the silent plea for Olivia to wait for her.<p>

Olivia had waited for over five years for Alex to return and now that she was back, she was determined to prove to her former lover that they belonged together. She had stopped at their favorite Chinese restaurant and picked up some of their favorite foods to surprise Alex. She knew the blonde was going to be working late and she figured that a little dinner might go a long way.

Olivia walked confidently towards Alex's office door with a knowing grin. Tonight was the night that she would make it clear to Alex that she wanted more than just friendship and she was certain she could get the blonde to respond to her advances. She knocked on Alex's office door and waited to be allowed inside, playing the accommodating role of "gentleman."

Alex looked up from her paperwork, her glasses perched on her nose, and called out, **"Who is it?"**

Olivia smiled as she replied, **"It's me, Olivia, can I come in?"**

Alex let out a breath and smiled, **"Yeah, one sec, it's locked."** She got up from her desk and went to the door to open in. She smiled when she saw Olivia standing there with two take out bags and said, **"Don't tell me that's Chang's."**

Olivia smiled the smile she knew Alex had never been able to resist in the past and hoped that it still worked for her now. **"Is there any other place? You hungry?"**She held up the bags, letting the aroma of the food waft out to Alex as a temptation.

Alex looked longingly at the bags and nodded, **"Yeah. I haven't had anything to eat since 11 this morning. Ridenour kept us until six and then I came right back here to write my closing."**

Olivia waved the bags under Alex's nose one more time, **"You going to let me and the food in or suffer in silence?"**She winked, smile still in place as she waited to be asked into the office instead of standing on the threshold. It was late and almost everyone had gone home, but anyone could be wandering around and she didn't think it was smart to just be standing in the hallway.

**"Sorry, yeah, come in,"** she said, moving out of Olivia's way so that she could come into the office. She closed the door behind her and watched as Olivia took out the boxes and set them on the coffee table that she had in front of her couch. **"Did you finish early tonight?"**

Olivia smiled up at Alex for a moment before she pulled out the chopsticks and opened the last of the containers. **"Yeah, there's nothing we can do until the morning so the Captain kicked us out early. I remembered you said you might be working late and I figured you hadn't eaten since lunch, so I took a chance and brought provisions."** She stood up and brought out two small bottles of wine to go with their dinner along with two plastic cups. She held them up to Alex, **"Sorry for the plastic, but I had to improvise."** She pointed to the couch in front of the coffee table, **"Come on, let's eat." **

Alex joined her on the sofa and picked up her chopsticks. She gathered some noodles and slipped them into her mouth, a smiled of satisfaction spreading from ear to ear, **"Mmmm."**

Olivia smiled as she poured the wine into the cups before she began eating. **"I take it I picked the right food? It's been so long I was worried I'd forgotten your favorites...or that they had changed." **

**"Nothing could ever sway me from Chang's. It's classic. But I do have some new places I've discovered since I've been back. I can't remember the last time we did this..."**

Olivia remembered, **"It was after the, um, Cherish Doe case... after I caught you on your 'date' with Langan and we had that fight...we got Chang's and camped out in your living room, making up with each other. We ate cross-legged on the floor at the coffee table, soft jazz was playing, and we were just...together. We were happy and laughing and...it was a good night."**Olivia's voice grew softer as she spoke, her mind going back to that night.

Alex remembered that night. Sitting in her pajamas with her hair curled and her makeup still on while she and Olivia shared dinner. She hated having to go to dinner with Langan, but thanks to the annual DA's Office auction, she'd had no choice but to go out on a date with him. She and Olivia had a great laugh about it and Alex made a vow to never volunteer again. **"Seems like another lifetime, huh?"**

Olivia looked down at her plate, **"Yeah...it does."** She took a breath then said, **"I, um...I want you to know that I'm glad we can be friends again, comfortable like this, remembering the past. It's nice." **

**"Yeah. To be honest, I didn't have much hope for reconciliation, but I'm glad that we're doing this. It's been nice to have you back in my life."**

Olivia smiled again as she continued eating. Alex's words just added fuel to the fire that was building inside her, increasing her desire to make Alex hers again. **"I know I said it before, but it was months ago and we haven't spoken of it since, but I wanted you to know that...I really am deeply sorry for all the crap I put you through before, you know, not being able to tell Elliot or anyone else about us. I never meant to hurt you and I know I should've just done it and damn the consequences because we'd be together. I see now that I was so wrong back then."**She looked away, taking a sip of her wine in the silence that followed.

Alex touched her shoulder, **"Olivia, look, it's still not too late to say something. If you're ready to come out to the guys, I'll be there to support you...I just want you to be happy, you know?"**

Olivia shook her head, fighting the tears that welled up, **"No, I..I can't...not now."**

**"Why not? Olivia, I can tell you want to be honest with them..."**Alex said, her eyes filled with compassion for Olivia's predicament.

She wiped the tears away as she said, **"I'm not...I'm not strong enough to come out just for the sake of coming out. I mean, it's pathetic enough to be my age and still alone, but...to be my age, alone, and gay just seems beyond pathetic."** She shook her head ruefully, **"The ironic part is that, if we were still together...like that, this wouldn't be so hard now."**

**"Olivia, you can't live a lie your whole life. So what if they know you're gay and single at this age? That's nothing to be ashamed of and to say that it's more pathetic than being straight and single at this age...it makes me think you're not really ok with it...still."**

Olivia looked at Alex, **"What's pathetic is that I am over 40 and the longest relationship I've ever had is with you...well and Elliot but that's different." ** She placed a hand lightly on Alex's knee, **"I'm sorry, I didn't come here to unload this on you."**She lowered her head, closing her eyes.

**"It's ok. I'm here to listen, but...have you thought about seeing someone? A professional that might help you come to terms with your feelings about being gay?"**

Olivia chuckled but there was no humor in it, **"No...being gay isn't my problem Alex...being single is. Being alone..."** Olivia's voice dropped to a very low whisper, **"Without you."**She prayed that Alex hadn't heard that last bit, but she knew, sitting so close, she wasn't that lucky.

Alex looked down at sighed, **"I'm sorry, Olivia...I really am, but maybe if you're honest with the guys, they could help you find someone else."**

**"I don't trust the guys to pick men for me much less women."**Olivia grinned, picturing the guys scrambling to come up with dates for her again, this time with women.

Olivia looked at Alex and saw that the blonde was a little distracted by her thoughts. She figured that this would be her only chance so she leaned in and kissed the blonde, savoring the contact for a moment. Just as she was about to pull away, she felt Alex's lips move against hers, so she shifted closer and slipped her tongue out, licking at her lips silently asking for entry.

Alex inhaled sharply and then pulled away when she felt Olivia's tongue licking at her lips and scooted back until she was against the arm of the couch, **"What the hell?"**

Olivia wanted to lean closer and kiss her again, convinced she could bring Alex around with another kiss, but she stopped herself. She looked at Alex and fought not to smile. She didn't know what to say so she just took a sip of her wine to stall for time. **"I, uh...I'm sorry if I crossed a line but...I still love you Alex. I know you felt something when we kissed. You started to kiss me back so...why can't we just see if we still have that spark? If we can get back what was ripped away from us?"**Olivia asked, desperate for Alex to agree, but understanding that she was too stubborn to give in right away. Olivia knew it would take more than this initial plea and she was willing to do whatever she had to do to have a second chance with Alex.

**"Because I'm in love with someone else, Olivia. We had our chance and even if I hadn't been shot, we were headed for a breakup anyway. Nothing has changed, don't you get it? You're so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents and I can't...I won't be with anyone like that."**

Olivia began to argue her case, **"You won't have to be. I promise you right now, if you give me another chance...give us another chance, I will tell them. I'll tell them all and we can be together, open and honest, like I know it was meant to be. We're supposed to be together Alex, please."**Olivia moved closer and touched Alex's knee again rubbing it the way she remembered Alex liked it.

**"Don't...just don't. If you really wanted to be with me, if you really loved me the way you say you do, you would've come clean to Elliot before I got home. You would've told him after I 'died' that we were a couple. That way maybe he would've understood how upset you were. But you let him think you still wanted to be with men!"**

Olivia looked at Alex, **"So, you're going to keep punishing me for that? Holding that mistake against me? Please, Alex, I admit I should've told him sooner, but...doesn't it count for something that I'm willing to tell him now if you just give me another chance?" **

Alex stood up and looked down at Olivia, **"It means nothing, ok? I didn't have to force Kate to tell her friends. She brought it up to me. I wasn't sure she was ready, but boy did she prove me wrong. She asked her Captain, her partners, and her close friends to come to dinner so that she could tell them. Her best friend already knew...because she trusted her! You don't even trust Elliot with this. It's who you are! It's not going away!"**

Olivia stood up and moved close to Alex, **"I'm sorry I'm not as brave as your precious Kate. The reason I never told Elliot is because he's a devout Catholic! I've worked cases with him that have had a gay angle and while he's always professional and even polite with the victims and the witnesses, I see it in his eyes how he feels. I've never been able to risk what I have with Elliot just to be honest about being gay. But it took losing you, being away from you, and having to pretend that you were dead for me to see that nothing else matters to me but you. I could lose Elliot and the guys and it wouldn't matter...if I had you. Don't you get it?"**

**"You had me and you still didn't say anything! What's changed, huh? Is it because I'm with someone else? Because I'm happy and you're miserable? You had your chance and you ruined it!"**Alex yelled, unable to contain her anger or hurt any longer. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and her body was shaking.

Olivia took a step back from Alex's yelling. She said, **"What changed? You died Alex! That's what changed! I had to watch you bleed out on that sidewalk. I had to sit in the waiting room with the other cops, waiting for the news. The week between that night and the night when I saw you again with the Feds was hell for me. It made me realize that I had wasted so much time and so many opportunities with you. I prayed for the first time in my life. I begged and I pleaded for a second chance. To rewind time and go back to before the day Livia Sandoval landed in our laps so that you didn't have to die. Then I saw you, I knew you were alive and, after the SUVs drove away, I went home and made a vow. If you ever came back to New York and gave me another chance, I would tell the guys about me, about us."** Olivia smirked, **"But then you came back for the Connors trial and told me that you had moved on...with a man. And I...kind of went a little self destructive. But you're back now and we can be together if you'll just admit that you felt something when we kissed."**Olivia begged Alex to think about it.

**"It was familiar, nothing else. I love Kate, I will always love Kate. I want to get married to her and have children with her...nothing will change that, not even you, Olivia."**

**"You wanted those same things with me too. You told me more than once that you'd always love me too. We can still have all of that, please."**Olivia made a last ditch effort to change Alex's mind.

**"No...I see now what life can be with someone who can be honest and I can never go back. She is my soul mate...I know it in my heart. If I was meant to be with you...I would be...but I'm not. I'm meant for Kate. Now, I really think you should leave."**

Olivia brought out the big gun for her final attempt, **"You were kidnapped and held by a raving lunatic because of her! You were almost killed again because of her! How many more times is she going to be responsible for putting you in harm's way?" **

**"That wasn't her fault any more than me getting shot was yours. Some lunatic fixated on a character that happens to be based on her. He was killing long before Kate and she stopped him. And for your information, she's never put the job ahead of our relationship, unlike someone else I know."**

Olivia lowered her voice as she walked for the door, realizing she wasn't going to win this battle, though she wasn't ready to give up on the war, **"She will. If she's any good at her job, she will because that's what a cop does. I'm sorry if it seemed like I was putting the job ahead of you but I thought you understood. SVU is live victims and they need hand holding, they need closure. Homicide doesn't have live victims, they're way past caring if she closes the case."** Olivia looked right into Alex's eyes, **"She'll let you down Alex and when she does...you know where to find me. Have a good night."**Olivia left the office and went back to her sedan. She sat for a moment replaying their fight and she realized that...like it or not, the war was over. She'd lost. But she held out hope that Alex would change her mind. She started the sedan and drove it home, having already signed it out for the night.

Alex wiped her tears and took a breath. She knew Kate would never let her down because she had her heart and mind on the right things. Yes, her job was important and Alex would never ask her to give it up, but it wasn't the most important thing in her life. Once their baby came, it certainly wouldn't be as important and that's when Alex knew that Olivia was just trying to plant seeds of doubt. She wasn't going to fall for them again. She packed up for the night and went home. She needed to see Kate.

* * *

><p>Kate was sitting in the living room watching TV as she waited for Alex to come home. She hated the late nights but she understood they were sometimes necessary. The only thing that bothered her was the fact that Alex chose to stay late at her office instead of coming home to do her opening and closing arguments. Kate was thinking about it and she started mentally sketching plans to turn the guest bedroom in a home office for Alex so that she could work at home and not be out so late.<p>

Kate worried about her when she worked late and although she'd offered to go pick Alex up whenever she worked late, Alex had refused to let her play white knight, insisting that she would just call a car service. Kate had reluctantly backed down, but it didn't stop her from worrying about her girlfriend. Kate had already finished her dinner and she'd left Alex's plate in the oven, keeping it warm for her.

She was sitting in the living room because she knew if she waited in the bedroom, she'd fall asleep before Alex made it home. Kate had showered and was dressed in light blue cotton pajama pants, a dark blue camisole top, and white cotton socks with her slippers resting by the couch. She was curled up in the corner of the couch listening to music while she waited for Alex.

Alex put her key in the door and opened it swiftly, then she dragged her briefcase in and shut the door, the weariness clear on her face and in her eyes. She walked into the living room and when she saw Kate she asked in a small voice, **"Babe? Will you hold me?"**

Kate began to smile when she saw Alex but her voice and the look on her face said something wasn't right. She opened her arms, **"Of course, come here honey." **She shifted so Alex could lie back against her.

Alex crawled into Kate's arms and buried her head in the brunette's neck. She inhaled deeply and then pressed a gentle kiss to her skin.

Kate began to run her hands up and down Alex's back in a soothing motion, **"Baby, what happened? I know something's not right...please, talk to me?"**She was getting scared, her imagination conjuring a dozen scenarios of Alex flashing back to Dunn, to being shot, to any number of things that could've triggered this reaction. She forced herself to calm down and wait for Alex to talk to her.

**"Olivia..."** she started quietly. **"She kissed me."**She burrowed ever deeper into Kate's neck at her admission.

Kate heard the words and felt her blood begin to boil. They'd come a long way in the last two months, but Olivia was still a sore spot for Kate. She wanted to jump up, find her, and beat the snot out of her for making a move on Alex, for kissing her, but she knew Alex wouldn't want that. She calmed herself down with tremendous effort and she said, **"Do I need to challenge her to a duel?"**Kate tried to bring some levity to the situation because otherwise she'd say something she might regret.

Alex shook her head, **"No, just hold me, ok?"** She kissed Kate again, needing to feel close to her lover. **"I...I'm calling my boss tomorrow and telling him to get someone else to take over SVU. I can't be there anymore."**

Kate tightened her grip on Alex, pulling her closer, **"Are you sure? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'll be glad to have you back at the 12th but are you sure this is what you want to do?"**Kate would never push her own agenda on Alex. She placed a kissed on Alex's head.

**"I'm sure. I just think I need a little break from work and then maybe I can go back to Homicide starting in June. I should've done that since the start instead of going back to SVU."**

Kate smiled, knowing Alex couldn't see it. She said, **"I think that's a good idea. A break might be good. I just wish I hadn't used up all my vacation days after the bombing or I'd take them now with you."** She brought a hand up to Alex's cheek and lifted her face to look into her beautiful eyes, **"So, any ideas on what you want to do during your break?"**She leaned closer and placed a light kiss on her lips.

**"Well, I thought maybe I could get some work done around here. Some redecorating in the future nursery..."**

Kate hesitated, **"Um...sweetie it might be a bit premature to be decorating the nursery...I mean we're not even pregnant yet."** She paused for a moment and said, **"However, if you really want to redecorate, I do have an idea or two if you're interested." **

**"Oh? What did you have in mind?"**she asked curiously.

**"Well...you've been working late a lot and you know how I worry when you work late. Since you've banned me from picking you up from work or even loitering in your office while you do what you have to do...I was thinking maybe we could turn the guest bedroom into a home office for you. That way you can get home on time and still be able to work late and I won't have to worry so much about you. What do you think?"**Kate held her breath as she waited for Alex's reaction.

**"Well, I think it's a good idea, but where are we going to put our guests when they come over?"**

**"Um...we can add a foldout couch to the office..."** She hadn't thought about that but that was only because they almost never had overnight guests. **"But baby, the only person who ever sleeps over is Kevin and we can put a small bed in the future nursery for him."** Kate ran a hand through Alex's hair, **"I just...I know your work is important and I would never try to get in your way, but...I worry so much about you working late all alone in your building and if you had a home office, you could work here and I could know that you're safe."**

She smiled at Kate, **"Ok, if it'll really ease your mind we can do it, but I can't guarantee that I'll use it 100% of the time...deal?"**

**"As long as you use it more than 80% of the time after 6 pm, you've got a deal,"** Kate giggled then she got serious, **"But honestly, I just want to know you're safe is all. If you're here, even locked away in the office, I know you're ok."**She leaned forward and kissed Alex.

Alex kissed her back and then leaned her forehead against Kate's, **"I know baby and I think you're very sweet for wanting to do this. I know if the roles were reversed I'd want the same thing. I love you so much."**

Kate smiled, **"I love you too, thank you for being open about this...I know you value your independence and it means a lot to me that you're willing to indulge me in this." **

**"I can't be selfish about this, especially because I know what can happen if you're not careful. I'm just glad that we've gotten back to normal and I'm really sorry about what happened tonight..."**

Kate grew serious, **"With Olivia you mean? She kissed you, right?"**

**"Yeah, she did. Believe me, if I had known that's what she had planned, I never would've let her into my office."**

**"I believe you baby and you didn't kiss her back so it's not your fault. You don't have to apologize for it. In fact, I'm glad that you told me right away, it shows how far we've come."**Kate smiled, she loved that Alex felt safe enough again to tell her something like this; it showed they were well on their way back to normal.

**"I didn't think for a moment, Kate...I...forgot myself for just a split second...but I swear to God I pulled away and I told her that I love you and always will. I'm so sorry baby."**

Kate took that in and she realized that her first thought wasn't that Alex had betrayed her somehow by kissing her ex back...her first thought was how she could kill Olivia without getting caught. She looked into Alex's eyes and smiled, **"Alex, it's ok. I get that it must've been a shock and you probably reacted out of surprise and memory. It's ok, I'm not mad at you...Olivia is another matter but I'm not mad at you. It wasn't your fault ok? I love you and I always will."**She leaned closer and kissed her, pouring all of her love into their connection, wanting to make sure that she erased any and all memory of Olivia's earlier kiss.

Alex closed her eyes and kissed Kate back, her lips parting immediately to allow the brunette's tongue into her mouth. That was the difference. With Kate it was natural and she knew that her love was only for Kate and no one else. This was what she wanted forever and now she had it. They had survived two very different attacks on their relationship and she knew no matter what happened from here on out, they would survive together.

The two women remained on the couch for a bit longer, Kate easing Alex's pain and making her feel safe and loved. They moved to their bedroom and Alex asked that Kate hold her close for the entire night. It was what she needed after a long day and although she wanted to make love to Kate, she was exhausted emotionally and physically. She promised her girlfriend that she would make it up to her and Kate reassured her that she understood.

The brunette wrapped her arms around Alex and with a soft kiss to the shoulder, she whispered good night and fell asleep with the woman she loved in her arms. She knew now more than ever before that Alex loved her and only her and she knew the time was right to ask her the one question she'd wanted to ask her for some time now.

TBC...


	34. Kate's Surprise

**Chapter 34: Kate's Surprise**

The next morning, Kate woke up with her arm around Alex's waist with the blonde on her back. She took a moment to study her girlfriend and she smiled. Alex was so beautiful, and when she was asleep, the years, the worries, the stresses melted away and she looked younger and more innocent. Her blonde hair was spread out around her like a halo and the sunlight from the window caught the blonde strands and seemed to make them glow. Kate shifted slightly, lying on her side and resting her head in her hand so she could gaze at the beauty before her in comfort. Her eyes traced every feature, lovingly following the line of Alex's jaw from her ear to her chin and then down the graceful line of her neck to where the sheets began.

Kate's mind went to the little turquoise velvet box that was still resting in her glove compartment. She knew that she was ready to ask Alex to marry her and she just needed a really romantic way to do it. She wanted it to be memorable...she wanted it to be a story they could tell their children and their grandchildren as an example of romance and love. Kate was still thinking about how to propose to Alex, making and discarding plans, when she felt Alex begin to wake up. She looked up at Alex's face and smiled when she saw those beautiful, blue eyes looking at her. **"Good morning, beautiful. How'd you sleep?"**

Alex smiled lazily, **"I think that may have been the best night's sleep I've had in a while. Thank you for taking care of me and not flipping out when I told you what happened last night."** She grew serious, **"I was really afraid you were going to hate me and push me away."**

Kate lifted her hand and ran it gently through Alex's hair, **"I could never hate you and I don't want to push you away. Like I told you last night, it wasn't your fault and I don't hold it against you."** Kate paused to place a gentle kiss on her lips, **"I'll always be here to take care of you. Nothing and no one, not even Olivia, can ever change that honey."**She smiled, wanting her girlfriend to know it was really all right.

Alex smiled again and then turned onto her side and draped her hand over Kate's waist, **"So, since we both have today off...what do you think we should do?"**

Kate ran her hand up and down Alex's arm as she got an idea, **"Well...how would you feel about a picnic in Central Park? We could find a nice, quiet spot, spread out a blanket, have some light snacks and just relax together...what do you think?"**Kate bit her lip, hoping Alex would agree.

Alex caressed Kate's cheek, **"That sounds wonderful. Should we pick something up or prepare something here?"**

Kate smiled, **"I was thinking we could pick up something on the way. I know a great little deli near the park."** She leaned closer and kissed Alex, **"Thank you."**

Alex gazed into her eyes, **"For what?"**

Kate smiled. **"For coming back to me...for being here with me even after all the crap with Dunn and Nikki...for letting me in and allowing me to help you when you needed it. For letting me take care of you last night. For being there for me when I needed you, but mostly...for loving me enough to tell your ex to go to hell."**She ran her hand around Alex's waist, resting it just above the curve of her ass.

Alex moved in closer to Kate and kissed her lips, **"Baby, you never have to thank me for any of that. I love you with all my heart and I'm sorry that we had to go through all of that, but in the end, it brought us closer together and we're better for having gone through it. Our love is strong and now, we know we can survive anything. You're the only one for me Kate, forever and always."**

Kate felt tears spring to her eyes when she heard Alex's words. Today was definitely the right day to propose and she felt confident about her choice. **"I know what you mean, everything happened rather fast for us, so I think the thing with Nikki was life's way of making us slow down a little and see if we can make it through something that big. I'm sorry you were kidnapped, but I'm glad that we were able to get through it and come out stronger on the other side. We survived it together and now we're more solid than we've ever been. I love you Alex."** She looked over Alex's shoulder and noticed the time on the alarm clock; it was almost 10 am. **"Wow, we really slept in,"** she giggled, needing a light moment. **"We should get out of bed if we want to have our picnic."**

Alex nodded, **"You're right. I'm getting hungry anyway. Do you want to shower first?"**

Kate grinned, **"Why don't we share?"**She got out of the bed and began walking to their bathroom, shedding her clothes along the way.

Alex's eyes grew like saucers and she almost hypnotically followed her lover into the bathroom, her own clothes falling to the floor as she went. She needed Kate, really needed her, and now she was rested and ready to show her girlfriend just how much she loved her.

* * *

><p>After a long, fun filled shower, they got dressed and headed out for the afternoon. They got to the car and Kate held the door open for Alex, then she walked around the car and opened the trunk to place the blanket and the basket inside. They would stop for the food but she wanted to put it in their picnic basket. Then she walked to the driver's side door and slipped in behind the wheel. She looked over at Alex, her skin was still glowing from their aquatic activities and Kate smiled, liking that she was responsible for that look in Alex's eyes. <strong>"You ready, baby?"<strong>

**"Yes. It's a gorgeous day and not too hot, thank goodness. We can find a nice spot near the water and just enjoy the afternoon. I can hardly wait."**

**"Me neither."**Kate nodded as she pulled out of the garage and headed towards the park. They drove in silence, content to just be together. Kate made a quick stop at the deli to pick up their meal, placing it in the basket before she then drove them into the park. Kate drove around until she found a place to park that was close enough to the water so they wouldn't have to walk far but also keep the car in sight while they enjoyed their meal.

She opened the door for Alex and, basket and blanket in hand, she led her girlfriend to the water's edge. There was lush green grass all around and she was thankful that there weren't many people around; it would give them some much-needed privacy. She held Alex's hand as they found the perfect spot and together they spread out the blanket. Kate sat down first and spread her legs, patting the space in front of her, **"Have a seat."**

Alex knelt down and settled back against Kate, a sigh escaping her lips, **"This is perfect baby. Do you want some sparkling water?"**She reached for the basket to take out the bottle of Perrier that Kate had picked up.

Kate wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and she rested her chin on the blonde's shoulder. **"This _is_ perfect. I love holding you like this, it makes me feel whole to have you this close."** She turned her head and kissed her neck, **"The Perrier is for you, I got a Dasani for me. Not a fan of sparkling water, but I know you love it."**She smiled as she went back to kissing Alex's neck.

Alex grinned, **"You know me too well, honey."** She took Kate's bottle of water from the basket and opened it for her. She poured it into a cup and handed it to her girlfriend, **"There you go, baby."**

Kate took the cup in one hand and took a sip of the still cold liquid. She then pressed her chilled tongue to Alex's neck, feeling a shiver go through her girlfriend. **"You like that?"**

Alex sighed and squeezed Kate's leg, **"You know I do. You always turn me on babe."**

Kate smiled, **"Good, that's my plan for the rest of our lives...to always be able to turn you on."** She put the cup down and put her arm back around Alex, hugging her close, **"You hungry baby?"** Kate brought the basket closer as she lifted the lid and took out the deli platter of cheese and crackers before she then pulled out a container of dark chocolate dipped strawberries, the deli's specialty. She placed everything on the blanket, and opened the containers. **"See anything you like?"**

Alex reached for a strawberry and brought it to her lips, licking a little of the dark chocolate before she spoke in a soft, sultry voice, **"This."**She rubbed it over her lips, a little chocolate coating her mouth and then she turned back to kiss Kate. Normally she wouldn't do anything like that in public, but they were alone, so she took a chance.

Kate moaned into the kiss, the mix of chocolate and Alex's natural essence was intoxicating and she suddenly wished they were back home in their bed. She slowly broke the kiss and said, **"Naughty girl, you're making me wet and I want to sweep you back to our bed." **

**"There's nothing stopping us from doing that once we've finished our lunch,"**she said, her fingers grazing Kate's thighs.

Kate closed her eyes for a moment then said, **"Actually, I have a surprise for you later. There's one more stop we have to make before we can fall into bed and make love all night long so...behave baby. I promise it'll be worth it."**

Alex pouted but then she registered the word "surprise." She looked at Kate, **"What sort of surprise...?"**

Kate grinned and she liked the way Alex went from pouting to eager in half a second flat. **"The good kind, I promise."**

**"Well I'd figured that much...I mean, are we going somewhere? Is it a present?"**She was just like a little kid fishing for hints about her Christmas present.

Kate loved this side of her girlfriend, **"Yes to both and that's all I am saying. Like I said, it's a surprise."**She ran a hand down Alex's thigh. Alex pouted again and then sighed heavily in the hopes that Kate would have mercy on her and not make her wait, but she knew that the brunette usually kept mum about surprises.

Kate smiled, **"It's not going to work baby. Pouting and sighing won't work on me this time. You'll just have to wait and be patient."** She reached over and grabbed a piece of cheese and brought it to Alex's lips, **"Try some?"**

Alex brightened up, **"Oh, ok."** She opened her mouth and smiled. Kate was an expert when it came to picking out cheese. **"Mmmm, amazing."**

Kate smiled at Alex's reaction. Together, they finished off the food and then sat back to relax for a bit in the sun, Alex still in Kate's arms. They watched the lake and saw several people float by in paddleboats. Kate lovingly rubbed Alex's tummy as she rested her chin on her shoulder, **"Today has been so nice, thank you for this."**

**"Thank you. You're the one who planned all this and got the food together. You're amazing, Kate. I love you."**

**"I love you too baby. I always will."** She turned her head and began kissing Alex's neck, running her lips from her shoulder up to her earlobe. Kate's tongue snuck out a few times to graze the skin, tasting the honey almond soap Alex used. **"I love the way you taste, I could sit here all day just enjoying your smooth, wonderful skin."**

**"We might get cited for public indecency if you did that. Maybe we should go see about that surprise so that we can go home and make love again."**

Kate chuckled as she pulled away, **"Good point. I love holding you like this and knowing that there's nowhere else either of us would rather be than with each other."** Kate tightened her hold a bit. **"You're dying to know what the surprise is, aren't you?"**

**"Of course. I'm a Cabot honey, I don't do patient very well."** she said with a bashful smile. **"Um, let's get this cleaned up and then we'll go, ok?"**

Kate grinned, **"Ok, I won't torture you anymore. Come on, let's get to your surprise."** Kate helped Alex clean up their picnic and they walked to the car. Kate handed the basket to Alex as she realized she would need to get the ring out of the car without Alex seeing it. **"Hey babe, can you put this stuff in the trunk while I open the car and air it out so it's not like an oven when you get in?"**

Alex nodded and took the basket and blanket from Kate. She tucked it into the trunk and made sure everything was secure before closing the trunk and walking around to get into the passenger seat. Kate already had the car on and the A/C blasting. Alex smiled as she carefully slipped into the seat.

Kate grinned. She'd managed to slip the ring out of the glove box before Alex made it back to the car and now it was sitting in her pocket, nice and safe. She looked over at Alex, **"You ready for your surprise?"**

Alex nodded, her blue eyes all lit up. **"Can you imagine how our babies are going to be when we give them surprises?"**She laughed knowing that they'd pull all the same tricks to try and get her and Kate to give in.

Kate smiled, **"Yes I can and I am telling you now, if you give in to them, there'll be hell to pay."** She chuckled, **"Especially if it's something big that took me a while to plan."**She moved her hand to rest on Alex's knee and she squeezed gently.

**"Kate, no one but you can resist the Cabot pout. It's like one of your superhero powers or something."** she said with a chuckle. **"Then again, I have seen you give in to Kevin, and granted he's not a Cabot, but you know, same blood line..."**

Kate smirked as she focused on the road, **"That never happened."**She tried to deny it, but in truth she had given in to Kevin once or twice. The thing was, she hadn't compromised any surprises, so it didn't really count.

**"Sure it didn't,"** Alex said in a teasing tone. **"I have sources, you know."** Of course she was referring to Janice who gave her the entire scoop on how happy she and Kate made her son. **"Well, hopefully I don't have to wait much longer,"**she said as she noticed they were headed to midtown.

Kate glanced over at her, **"Don't make me blindfold you. I promise it'll be worth being patient."**

**"Ok, ok,"** Alex said and grinned that sweet grin that said, **"I'll play along."**She kept quiet as they drove because she was too busy wondering where they were going and what the surprise would be.

Kate smiled then began thinking about what she would say when the moment came. She found a parking garage that was a few blocks from their destination and she pulled in, getting a ticket from the machine. She found a spot and turned off the car before she turned to Alex and said, **"Ready? We have a bit of a walk so I'm not going to blindfold you. However, don't bother asking questions about where we're going or why because I'm not going to answer, ok?"**

**"Aw babe,"**she whined. She knew it was going to be good, but she hated not knowing.

They got out of the car and Kate said, **"No whining. Come on, let's get going."** She grabbed Alex's hand as she led her out of the garage onto the city streets and then they turned left and began walking hand in hand. Kate smiled at her girlfriend, **"I promise you'll be rewarded for your patience babe."**

Alex held onto Kate as they walked, her heartbeat starting to pick up with each step they took. She had no idea what Kate could be planning, especially in this part of town. Then it hit her. They were near Rockefeller Plaza. That must be it: an afternoon on top of the Rock and a beautiful sunset before going home to make love. She smiled at how sweet her girlfriend was.

They reached the entrance to the building and Kate held the door open for Alex. They walked through the beautiful art deco building and made their way to the ticket counter. Once Kate had purchased two tickets, they walked over to the elevator to wait for an empty car. She looked at Alex and smiled, loving the look on her girlfriend's face.

Alex touched Kate's arm, **"I'll admit, I wasn't expecting this..."**

Kate frowned, **"What do you mean?"**

**"Coming here. What made you think of it?"**

Kate stepped closer and whispered, **"I know that it's one of your favorite places in the city and I wanted today to be special after what happened last night."**She kissed Alex's cheek as the elevator opened and they stepped inside.

**"Thanks, baby. It means a lot to me to be here,"** she said as they stood near the back wall of the car. **"I've missed doing spontaneous things like this."**

**"Well, I'm glad you're happy."** She squeezed Alex's hand before she brought it to her lips and kissed it. **"I love you,"**she said with a warm smile.

**"I love you too. I just wish I'd brought my camera. We could've taken a photo to go on the mantle."**

Kate smiled, **"Well I have my cell phone and we can always come back another day and take more photos, but I promise you that we'll have something to remember this by."**She thought about how the ring would look on Alex's finger and she knew that every time either one of them looked at it, it would remind them of this day.

**"You're right,"**she said as the elevator came to a stop. The doors opened and a rush of cool air entered the car. Alex smiled when she walked out onto the observation deck and took hold of Kate's hand.

Kate smiled as they walked to the edge of the observation deck and she stood behind Alex, wrapping her arms around the blonde as they stood there enjoying the scenery. Luckily, there weren't a lot of people up there with them. Given the time of day, she wasn't surprised, but she was definitely thankful. She wanted this to be a special, private moment. She whispered to Alex, **"This is a great view, I can see why you love it here."**

**"I love looking down at the whole city, really makes me feel like it's real, I'm really here. I'm really home with the woman I love,"**she said and leaned back against Kate.

Kate pulled her closer, **"Yes, you're really here baby. We're really together and nothing is ever going to take you away from me again, I promise."**She kissed Alex's neck to seal her vow.

They fell into a comfortable silence as a cool breeze swirled around them. The sun was just starting to go down over the water and soon the city would light up and twinkle like thousands of stars fallen to Earth. Alex had never felt more at peace than she did in that moment with Kate.

The sunset was beautiful and Kate knew that this was her moment. She released Alex and walked around the blonde until she was looking deep into her eyes. She took a breath to calm her nerves and then spoke to her lover, **"Baby, this place is only part of the surprise I have planned for you. You see, I wanted to do something special today because I want us to remember this day for the rest of our lives. Alex, I want you to know that my love for you started in Santa Fe and since that day when I first said those words, nothing has ever made me falter in my feelings for you. I loved you during the year we were apart, I loved you when I learned that your real name is Alexandra Cabot and not Vicky Harrison, I loved you even after you pushed me away after the kidnapping, and I love you right now in this moment. We went through hell together and we survived it, we came out stronger on the other side of it. We're as solid as a rock and there is nothing that will make me doubt our love, especially not the past. I know that we are meant to be together and nothing will ever sway me from that knowledge, nothing. My life and my heart belong to you Alex, and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and making you happy."** She slipped her hand into her pocket and pulled out the blue box, opening it as she got down on one knee. **"Alexandra Cabot, will you marry me?"**She waited, her heart in her throat as she waited for Alex's answer.

Alex could've been knocked over with a feather at that moment. She looked down at the ring and then beyond it to Kate so that she could memorize every aspect of this moment. The scent of the late spring air, the color of the sky as the sun set, the sounds of the city below and the wind above, the look in Kate's eyes, the feel of her own heart as it pounded in her chest. She licked her lips as her mouth had suddenly gone dry but, before she could give her an answer she whispered, **"I want you to know that you just beat me to this moment..."**

Kate just smiled as she studied the precious mix of surprise and love on Alex's face. She was waiting for Alex to answer and she didn't want to say anything to push her lover into anything.

Alex took a breath and then encouraged Kate to stand so that she could look into her eyes when she answered. **"Honey, I love you with all my heart and I want us to spend the rest of our lives together...so...yes, I will marry you."**She had tears in her eyes and she leaned forward to kiss Kate.

Kate pulled Alex as close as she could and kissed her, pouring all her love and happiness into their connection. She was thrilled that Alex had said yes and her heart was racing at a million miles a minute as she reluctantly pulled away and took the ring from the box with trembling fingers, **"Shall I put this on you?"**

Alex nodded and held out a slightly shaking hand so that Kate could put the ring on her finger. Smiling, Kate slipped the ring onto Alex's finger and then placed a gentle kiss on it. She looked up into her fiance's sparkling eyes and said, **"You've made me the happiest woman in the world, baby. I love you so much and I can't wait to make you my wife."** She took a moment to savor the look on Alex's face before she asked, **"So...was the surprise worth the wait, the patience?"**

Alex blushed, **"Yes. Honestly, I had no idea you were planning anything like this baby. You've just made my life perfect."**

Kate hugged her close but then she remembered what Alex had said and she pulled back, **"By the way, what did you mean by I beat you to this moment?"**

Alex smiled shyly, **"Well...after everything, I just felt like now was the right time to ask you to marry me, so I was planning to ask you when we got home tonight."**

Kate grinned, **"Oh, really? Well I'm sorry I stole your thunder, but, um...I actually wanted to ask you to marry me on Valentine's Day. I had your ring,"** she held up Alex's hand to show her the ring, **"custom made by Tiffany's back in January. I got the call that it was ready after the bomb went off in my apartment and I picked it up before I left town for those few days. You know, after our little, um, disagreement. I've been waiting for the right time and after last night, I knew today was the right time." **

Alex's tears were falling even faster now and she embraced Kate, **"Oh baby...you're the most amazing woman...I love you so much."**

She hadn't expected the tears but it didn't matter because she just held Alex close as she cried as well, **"Baby, don't cry."**She hated seeing her beautiful girlfriend cry because she never knew how to handle it.

**"They're tears of joy, I promise,"** Alex said with a chuckle. **"You were right, by the way, I will always remember this moment and not that I want to leave, but...I really need to be with you...I need to show you how much I love you."**

Kate smiled, **"I'm so glad, I wanted this to be memorable. Now, let's go home and you can show me whatever you want as long we can show each other all night long."**She kissed her fiance and then placed her hand on the small of her back as they made their way to the elevator to go down to the street level.

Just as the sun finished setting, Alex and Kate walked to the car and headed back to their apartment. Alex couldn't keep her eyes off her ring during the drive and the only thing that distracted her from looking at it was when she and Kate made love.

They settled in to enjoy the afterglow and Alex burrowed deep into Kate's neck, kissing her softly just before they fell asleep.

* * *

><p>It seemed like a dream to Alex that this was happening, but the next morning when she woke up next to Kate and saw the ring on her finger, she realized that it was real, that it had really happened. Of course she and Kate couldn't keep this to themselves and they each called their closest friends and family to tell them the news.<p>

Alex called her cousin Janice and then her Uncle Bill and Aunt Beth while Kate called Lanie and Castle. The news was welcomed by everyone, especially after everything that had happened with Dunn, but it was Lanie that had the brilliant idea to throw Kate and Alex an engagement party.

She called Castle about an hour after she'd talked to Kate and told him that she needed to see him as soon as possible so Castle caught a cab to Lanie's apartment as soon as he hung up the phone. Alexis and his mother were also thrilled about the news.

* * *

><p>Castle got out of the cab and rang the buzzer for Lanie's apartment. When she buzzed him in he practically ran up the stairs in his excitement over the news. Lanie was standing in the doorway waiting for him with a knowing grin on her face.<p>

He tried to contain this enthusiasm in the hopes of pulling one over on her, **"Hey, what do you need?" **

**"Oh, don't pretend like you don't know what I need...I take it our girl called you?"**Lanie asked as she ushered Castle inside.

Castle grinned wide, **"You mean about the little bundle of joy they're expecting?"**He couldn't wait to see the look on her face.

She raised an eyebrow, **"We are talking about Kate, right?" **

Castle kept his poker face on, just waiting for Lanie to bite, **"Yeah, who are you talking about?"**

**"She told you that they're expecting?"**she asked, clearly confused. There was no way Kate had told him that she and Alex were expecting...right?

Castle put on a confused expression, **"Yeah isn't that...uh oh, she didn't tell you did she? Oh boy...um... don't take it personally, I'm sure she will..." **He saw the look on Lanie's face at the thought that her best friend hadn't told her about something big like a baby and he couldn't take it anymore. He started laughing and said, **"I'm just kidding, Lanie...relax. They're not pregnant, they're engaged!" **

She punched him in the arm, **"You jerk!"**

Castle took the hit and just grinned, **"Come on, it was too easy."**

**"It wasn't funny. You really had me freaked out!"**

**"Why would you be freaked out? You're not the pregnant one."**

**"No, but Kate told me she proposed last night...she didn't mention anything about a baby...I thought I'd had a stroke."**

Castle chuckled, **"No, just a joke. But they are engaged. I'm so happy for them. So what did you call me here for?"**

**"Well, I was thinking that since they're our best friends and this is something really special, we should do a party for them. To celebrate their engagement."**

That got Castle excited, **"Oh yeah that sounds great. We can have it at my place, invite everyone. What do you want me to do?"**

**"Well, I'm not really up on who Alex's friends and family are...you think maybe you can figure out who we should invite from her side?"**

Castle smiled, **"Here's a thought, you could always ask Alex..." **

**"I want it to be a surprise. The only way we have a surprise is if we keep it quiet from them."**Lanie said with raised eyebrows.

**"Oh! Ok, well in that case, I suggest you start with her uncle, Bill Harriman...um, Judge Harriman actually. She came with him to the _Heat Wave_ launch party."**Castle said, remembering his talk with the Mayor and the Judge, each praising his work. Harriman had mentioned his niece was a fan and had pointed her out to him after he'd signed her book.

**"It sounds like you know him better...I can handle the arrangements, you're better with people."**

Castle smiled, **"You got it. Did you have a date in mind for the party? Something I can tell him so he can make sure the family is free?"**He was eager to do his part in helping to celebrate the big news.

**"Well, she mentioned that they were thinking of having the ceremony next month, so my thought is, as soon as possible. Maybe on Saturday?"**she suggested.

Castle nodded, **"That sounds good. I'll call you after I talk to the judge and let you know if there's a conflict, ok?"**

**"Ok, sounds great."** She grinned widely, **"I'm glad she finally popped the question, I was starting to wonder what was taking so long."**

Castle grinned, **"Yeah me too. Though they had a rough time after that thing with Dunn. I'm just glad they're solid again."**Castle was truly happy they had worked things out. They belonged together and even if he would never be able to join in or watch or even use it in a Nikki Heat book, he'd never want them to be unhappy by being apart.

**"Me too. Alex is good for Kate and Kate's good for Alex. I honestly couldn't be happier for my best friend. Give me a call after you talk to the judge and then we'll start getting the menu and everything together, ok?"**

**"Yes ma'am."**Castle said with a mock-salute; he liked this bossy side of Lanie because it went well with her sassiness. He left the apartment, pulled out his phone and on his way back down to the garage, he called the Mayor to ask him for Judge Harriman's phone number.

TBC...


	35. Celebrating the Engagement

**Chapter 35: Celebrating the Engagement**

Once Castle had gotten in touch with Alex's uncle, he'd insisted that they have the party at his family's townhouse and he'd put the word out to his family and Alex's friends. His daughter Janice was there while he was on the phone and when she overheard that a party was in the works, she asked if she could speak to Castle.

She offered her assistance for anything they might need and Castle, being a gentleman, took her offer. He thought it only fair that someone from Alex's side had the chance to work with him and Lanie to plan the party. They spent the week gathering decorations and ordering the food and by Saturday, the Harriman home was twinkling with lights and laughter as everyone waited for the couple to arrive.

Kate pulled her car into the open parking spot on the street near Alex's uncle's house and turned off the engine. She turned to Alex, **"Did your Uncle Bill tell you why he wanted to see you? And why he wanted us to 'dress up?'"**

**"He said he was having some high ranking officials over and they wanted to meet me. My guess is he's trying to get me back into the political arena,"**she said as she got out of the car.

Kate frowned as she stepped out of the car and walked around to stand next to Alex, **"Do you want to get back into the political arena? Run for public office?"**They hadn't talked about that yet, but she was curious. Kate lifted the remote and turned on the car alarm before they began walking down the block towards Alex's uncle's townhouse.

**"Not particularly, but he's my uncle and I couldn't say no after he went to all the trouble. I'll have a chat with him afterward and let him know that my plans have changed."**

Kate took a breath, **"I'd support you if you wanted to do it."**She didn't want Alex to give up her political dreams because of their relationship.

**"I know, but I don't want to give us any more public exposure than we already have with Nikki Heat, especially once we start our family,"**she said as they reached the front door. She rang the doorbell and waited for her uncle to answer.

Kate just nodded, willing to wait until they were alone to revisit the topic.

The door opened and Janice smiled at them. **"Hi, come on in."**

Alex smiled at her cousin, who was dressed to the nines, and she looked confused. The double doors to the living room were closed and there was zero noise inside. She looked at her watch and then to her cousin, **"Are we early?"**

Janice kept smiling as she let them in the house and took their coats, **"No, you're right on time. You know how dad's political friends can be, low voices and snifters of brandy. Mom and I put our foot down about the cigars in the house though. Come on."**She said as she led them towards the living room doors.

Alex exchanged a look with Kate and then shrugged as the reached the door. Janice opened both doors swiftly and before the two women knew what hit them, there was a loud "Surprise!" from inside.

Alex nearly stumbled back against Kate and her eyes filled with tears. All of their closest friends and family were inside and there was a large banner over the fireplace that read _"Congratulations Kate and Alex!"_

Kate wrapped her arm around Alex's waist to keep her from falling backwards. She smiled when she saw the room full of their friends and family. They took two steps into the room but before they could say anything, Kevin burst through the crowd and ran right to Kate and hugged her leg, **"Kate! Were you surpriseded?"**

Kate looked down at the boy and smiled, **"Yes I was. Did you do all of this?" **

The boy grinned but shook his head, **"Mommy and Lanie and Mr. Castle helped too!"**

Alex chuckled and then looked to her cousin, **"You guys didn't have to do all of this, but I'd be lying if I said it isn't amazing."**

Lanie, Castle, and Janice came forward and hugged them each in turn. Lanie smiled at them, **"You didn't think we'd let something this big go by without celebrating it, did you?" **

Kate shook her head, **"Of course not, but we didn't think about that part, we've been pretty occupied planning the ceremony."**Kate and Alex joined the rest of the guests and everyone found a moment to quietly congratulate them on the engagement and to see Alex's ring.

Once the other guests went back to enjoying their drinks and hors d'oeuvres, Alex walked over to her uncle and smiled, **"Thank you for hosting tonight Uncle Bill. Kate and I couldn't be happier. There's just one thing I have to ask you..."**

Bill looked at his niece and smiled, **"Oh? What is it Alex?"**

**"Since you've always been like a second father to me, I was hoping that you'd be willing to walk me down the aisle?"**she asked, her blue eyes misty.

Bill felt a lump in his throat and he tried to suppress by clearing his throat, **"I'd be honored, Alex."**

Alex hugged him tightly and whispered, **"Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me."**

He hugged her close and whispered, **"It means a lot to me too that you would ask me."** He pulled away to look into Alex's eyes, **"I am so happy for you, that you survived the shooting, that you were able to come back to New York, and most importantly, that you've found someone like Kate, someone you can spend your life with, openly. All I ever wanted was to see you happy and in love."** He smiled again, **"I love you Alexandra and if she were here, I think your mother would've loved Kate as much as I do. She's good for you and she loves you."**

**"I know. All the pain I suffered brought me to her. I'd never trade a single moment if it meant that she would be gone from my life. It was all worth it." ** She looked over at her fiance, who was playing with Kevin, and she smiled, **"She's wonderful."**

Bill's eyes followed Alex's line of sight and he grinned, **"Yes she is, she's going to make a great mom someday."** He paused and looked at Alex, **"Have you two talked about kids yet?"**

She smiled, **"We have. My friend Ryan is our donor. We've already taken care of all the paperwork and whenever the time is right, we can start trying. We decided to take some time to be us before we start our family, though."**

That put a big smile on Bill's face, but before he could say anything, Janice came up behind them, having heard Alex's last statement. **"So, when can I expect a new baby cousin?"**

Alex blushed, **"We're thinking of starting near the end of the year, so hopefully sometime next fall. You remember Ryan, don't you?"**

Janice thought back to the very handsome man Alex had introduced her to a couple of years before the shooting and she smiled, **"The cutie with the great...um...eyes?"**She faltered when she remembered her father was standing right there.

**"Yeah, him. He's our donor. We're going to look for a clinic to harvest Kate's eggs and then we'll work with a specialist to implant the embryos."**

Janice thought about that as she tried to picture a child with Ryan's good looks, Kate's beauty, and the intelligence, class, and breeding that Alex would provide and she suddenly felt sorry for her cousin, **"Well, more power to you both but you should start getting ready now because...when that child hits puberty, you're going to have your work cut out for you."**

Alex grinned, **"Believe me, I've thought about that. I'm sure we can enlist your son's help to protect his baby cousin..."**

Janice grinned, **"Yeah, as long as he never knows there's no blood link between them. Otherwise he might go after her himself."**She was joking but there was a grain of truth to it.

**"That's if we have a girl...besides, I'll be giving birth to the baby, so let's hope he doesn't suspect anything."**

Janice nodded, **"Don't worry, I'll keep him in line. But enough about that, I want to know how you proposed. You never told me, all you said was that you were engaged."**Janice assumed it was Alex who had done the asking because, despite being the more feminine of the two, Janice remembered their childhood games of Alex always being the bride.

**"Actually, I didn't, Kate did. She took me to the top of the Rock just as the sun was setting. She got down on one knee and declared her love for me as she held up the ring. It was the most romantic thing in the world..."**

Janice smiled, **"Well now I know she's the right one for you. You need someone who can take charge and give you everything you've ever wanted. I'm so happy for you Alex."**Janice reached out and hugged her cousin.

Alex was hugging her cousin when she spotted a familiar brunette over Janice's shoulder. She pulled away from her cousin and uncle and said, **"Will you excuse me for a moment?"** She walked over and touched the brunette on the shoulder, **"Abbie?"**

Abbie Carmichael turned when she heard her name and smiled when she saw her old friend Alex standing there, **"Alex, hi."**

**"Oh my God, you're back?"**she asked with a broad smile.

Abbie nodded, **"Yeah I took a transfer to the local AUSA office here. I missed the city." **

**"It's great to see you back. We missed you at the DA's office, but I know you had to move on. Say, do you want to know something funny?"**

Abbie grinned, **"I'm always up for something funny, but first, can I just say how happy I am for you? Your fiance is...stunning."** Abbie got a look in her eyes, **"She's a detective, am I right?"**

Alex grinned, **"How'd you guess?"**

Abbie gave her a look she knew Alex was familiar with. **"Alex, I can spot a cop a mile away just from the way she walks. After Olivia though, I'm surprised you'd let yourself fall for another detective."**Abbie said, not knowing she was possibly stepping into a minefield with her comment about Olivia and cops.

**"Well, I didn't know she was a cop when I fell in love with her, but I can assure you that she is nothing like Olivia. Kate is comfortable with who she is and she loves me with all her heart,"**she said, her mood changing from the comparison.

Abbie sensed she'd hit a tender spot so she backed off, **"Whoa there kiddo, I can see she's not like Liv in that sense. I can see she loves you and she's not about hiding who she is, but come on, you have to admit she looks like she could be Liv's little sister!"** Abbie's voice was just above a whisper, not wanting their conversation to be overheard. **"I just want to make sure you're going into this with your eyes wide open here. I care about you and I want the best for you...and if that's Kate then I am happy you found her. It's just that the resemblance is uncanny."**Abbie had known Alex since college and if anyone could get through to her, it was Abbie.

**"Abbie, stop comparing her to Olivia. I don't care if they look like they could be related, the fact is, they're not. Kate is like the day to Olivia's night and I love her with all my heart. I know what I'm doing and what I want. I appreciate that you want to look out for me, but really, I'm fine."** She took a breath, **"Now, can we get back to that funny thing I wanted to tell you?"**

Abbie grinned, having gotten the reaction she was looking for, **"Yeah, ok. What's so funny?" **

**"Well, see that blonde over there?"** she asked pointing to Serena. **"That's the woman who succeeded you. Weird that both of you are here, but I'm glad you are. She's really sweet. Her name's Serena."**

Abbie turned to look at the blonde in question and smiled, **"She's cute, but why are you pointing her out to me?"**Abbie looked carefully at the blonde and she had to admit that this Serena was her type. Tall, beautiful, elegant, blonde...but Abbie reminded herself that this woman was in all likelihood straight or taken so she didn't let her attraction show.

Alex leaned in and said, **"Because she's single and looking...and I happen to think you're her type. I could introduce you. Only if you want, of course."**

Abbie turned to look at Alex, her eyebrow raised, **"Um, no offense Alex, but I remember the last time you tried to set me up...my nose still hurts in the cold weather."**Abbie was talking about a few months before Alex had transferred to SVU, when Alex had set her up with another ADA, Kelly Gaffney, and Abbie ended up in a brawl with Kelly's on-again off-again girlfriend Tracey when they ran into her at the bar they were at. Tracey had broken Abbie's nose while Abbie had bruised some of Tracey's ribs, but since they both held important positions at the DA's office they agreed it might be better if they walk away and not press charges. Abbie hadn't seen them again after that because she'd gotten the job offer from DC and left town.

**"This is different. Serena isn't seeing anyone and I have it on good authority that she's only been dating here and there for the past year. You're safe, I promise."**

Abbie hesitated, not wanting to get into another brawl over a woman...one was enough for her. **"I don't know Alex. You're sure there's no psycho exes or anything like that in her life? I don't need another gaffe like Gaffney in my life."**

Alex rolled her eyes at the pun and then reassured her, **"I promise. Abbs, I wouldn't say anything if I didn't think that you guys would be good for each other. She's a wonderful woman."**

Abbie smiled, knowing she'd never be able to say no Alex. **"Ok fine. Go play matchmaker, I'll wait right here."** At Alex's puzzled look Abbie said, **"Well, make sure she's interested in meeting me before you just go introducing us. It's only fair."**Abbie hoped Alex wouldn't call her on the stalling technique because she needed a minute to mentally prepare herself.

Alex smiled at her friend and agreed. She figured Abbie could use the time to get ready to meet Serena. She walked over to her blonde friend and placed a hand on her shoulder, **"Hey."**

Serena turned her head and smiled when she saw Alex, then she turned to the couple she was talking with and excused herself. She led Alex to a quiet corner and said, **"Hey Alex, what's the story with the hottie you were talking to just now?"**

**"Funny you should ask. Her name's Abbie and she actually worked for Jack just before you started with him. I told her that I'd introduce the two of you if she wanted to meet you...so, here I am."**

Serena stole a quick glance at the brunette before she turned back to Alex, **"_That's_ Abbie Carmichael?"**

**"So you've heard of her. Indeed that is Abbie Carmichael and like I said, she's interested, she's just worried that you won't be."**

Serena closed her eyes for a second and then said, **"Alex, when I started working with Jack, do you know what the first thing he said to me was? 'Well, you're no Abbie, but we'll see what you can do.'" **

Alex couldn't help but laugh, **"Yeah, that sounds like Jack. I heard he said the same thing to your replacement and believe me, no one under Branch thought it was right that he let you go. He said it wasn't because you were gay, but...we knew better."**

Serena just nodded. She remembered Branch's speech when she was being fired about her being a better "advocate" than prosecutor. **"Yeah well...turns out it was the best thing to happen to me. I found work I love and I'm happier than I was when I was taking orders from Branch. So, Abbie wants to meet me?"**

Alex nodded, **"Yeah. Come on..."** She led Serena over and smiled brightly, **"Abbie? This is Serena Southerlyn. Serena, Abbie."**

Abbie smiled her most charming smile and extended her hand, **"Hi, it's nice to meet you Serena." **

Serena reached out her hand to shake Abbie's, **"It's nice to meet you too. Um, do you want to go out on the patio to talk?"**

Abbie took a second, glancing at Alex before she said, **"Yeah, I'd like that."**Then she led Serena away, taking a second to look back at Alex and wink at her.

Alex was standing there admiring her handiwork when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Kate standing behind her. **"Hey, baby. Are you enjoying the party?"**

Kate smiled as she looked in the direction that Alex had been looking and then she turned to her fiance, **"I am. Are you playing matchmaker?"**She knew that look in Alex's eye.

**"Um, maybe just a little? Abbie and Serena are two good friends who are each looking for someone good in their lives. I figure two birds, one stone, you know?"**

**"I know you like your 'yummy dead birds' sweetie, but what if it doesn't work out?"**Kate was concerned because she didn't want Alex to have to choose between her friends if they started something that ended badly.

Alex stopped for a moment, **"Oh...well...I guess I hadn't thought that far. I mean, I just want them to be happy the way we are and I know they'd be good for each other."**

Kate wrapped her arms around Alex and rested her chin on the blonde's shoulder, her hands resting on Alex's tummy. **"I know you do baby and I hope that things do work out, but you might want to prepare yourself for the possibility that they might not."**Kate placed a kiss on Alex's shoulder, comfortable to openly display her affection for her fiance in this setting with their friends and family.

**"I'll be prepared, but I'm not going to choose between them if things go wrong and I intend to tell them that. For now, I'm content with letting them be happy. Have you had a chance to talk with Lanie and Castle?"**

Kate smiled, **"Yes. They wish us well and have each expressed the desire to be Godparents."**

**"They'd better get in line...I have a feeling that Janice and Serena are going to fight them for the honor..."**

Kate squeezed Alex closer, **"Then either we set up a kiddie pool full of Jell-O and let them go at it...or we have at least two kids."**

**"I know you're only kidding about the Jell-O, but you have to admit, it would be interesting to watch."** she said with a chuckle. **"But really, you'd want to have a second baby?"**

**"Well, I'm only half kidding about the Jell-O, but yeah, if you're ok with it I'd love for us to have at least two kids. I grew up an only child and I always wanted a sibling."**Kate said, remembering how she'd often wish for a sister or brother.

**"Um...I'm all for having two kids as well, but...I'll be 41 in a week and we agreed that we'd take some time to be us before we start our family...that means best case, I'd be close to 45 by the time we'd have our second baby and...you know there are risks that come with getting pregnant past the age of 43..."**

Kate turned Alex to look her and she smiled, **"I know...which was why I was thinking that I could carry the second baby. Your embryo in my womb, that way we can both have genetic links to our children, what do you say?"**

A smile spread across Alex's face and tears came to her eyes, **"I say an emphatic yes!"** She hugged Kate tightly and then kissed her, **"Thank you, baby."**

Kate hugged Alex close to her, happy that her idea was so well received, **"You never have to thank me for anything honey. I love you and I want to have a family with you." **

They were lost in their embrace when they heard the tinkling of silver against crystal. They turned to see Castle, Lanie, Uncle Bill, and Janice standing near the fireplace. The entire crowd quieted down and Castle smiled, **"First of all, we want to thank all of you for being here to celebrate the engagement of Kate and Alex. We have a few things we'd like to say and then we'll continue with the party." **

He quieted and then Bill took center stage, **"First of all, I want to say how happy I am that my niece has found true love with Kate. Her mother, my little sister, always wanted her daughter to be happy and fulfilled in her life and I feel blessed to be witness to just that. Elisabeth passed away before she could see this moment, but I know she is looking down from heaven and sending her blessings to protect and support these two wonderful women."**

He stopped and wiped his tears, **"I look at Alexandra as my daughter and she has honored me by asking that I give her away on her wedding day. I will be the first to say that I cannot wait for that moment to come and I wish you both nothing but the best. I love you Alex and I love you Kate and I hope you have a long and happy life together." **

He raised his glass and several people in the room responded, **"Hear, hear!" **

Alex squeezed Kate and smiled a tearful smile.

Lanie and Castle looked at each other and Castle gave a tiny nod, allowing Lanie to go first. Lanie stepped forward as the room quieted and she cleared her throat.

The room gave her their attention as she began, **"I've known Kate since college. I've seen her happy and I've seen heartbroken, but I have never seen her as in love as I have since she found Alex again. Anyone who has spent more than five minutes with them can agree that no one is more in love than these two women."** She looked right at Alex and Kate, **"Kate, Alex, you both deserve nothing less than a lifetime of love and happiness and when you're ready to have children, you'd better be prepared to deal with all their honorary aunts and uncles spoiling them rotten. I love you both and I can't wait to see the gorgeous babies you bring into this world. To the happy couple." **

The room exploded into applause and soon everyone in the room was tapping their glasses, encouraging the couple to kiss. Kate turned to Alex and arched her eyebrow and once Alex nodded, Kate leaned in and kissed her. The room once again roared, some cheering while others wolf-whistled.

Kate pulled away and then buried her face in Alex's neck, her face a bit red from the attention.

Castle stepped up then, quieting the crowd and taking the focus off of Kate for a bit to let her recover. **"My name is Rick Castle and I want to start out by saying that I've only known Kate for about a year or so, I've known Alex even less, but I'm a quick study and the main thing I've learned about these two women is that they are truly extraordinary. Kate never backs down, she doesn't run away, she goes after what she wants, and she fights to protect the ones she loves. Everyday she makes this city a little safer for the rest of us and I, for one, sleep a little better knowing she's on the job. Alex, she keeps Kate grounded. She works tirelessly to make sure the bad guys go away for a long time. Together, they make a great team. I promised them I wouldn't use their relationship in any of my future Nikki Heat novels, but I hope they won't mind if I borrow Alex to give Heat a platonic ADA friend in the movie."** Castle grinned, **"Seriously though, you're both wonderful women and I can not wait to see how you tackle married life and motherhood. I personally know that there's no challenge, not even parenthood, that you two can't handle."** He raised his glass, **"I love you both. Congratulations." **

Another round of applause broke out and Kate smiled, thankful his long-winded but very sweet toast was over and they could blend back into the crowd again. She wasn't good at being the center of attention.

Within minutes, things went back to normal and everyone started up their conversations again. Alex took Kate's hand, led her to where the toasters were still standing, and spoke sincerely, **"Thank you all for your kind words. They mean so much to us."**

Kate nodded her agreement but kept her mouth shut, she wasn't great in front of big crowds. After a few moments she pulled Alex away from the spotlight and onto the now empty patio. She stepped behind Alex as she leaned against the railing and wrapped her arms around her. **"We have some very sweet friends, baby."**

**"I know. I can hardly believe they did all of this for us,"** she said with a happy sigh. **"I don't think I could be happier."**

Kate pulled her closer and whispered into her ear, **"Wait until I get you alone tonight..."**She reached her tongue out and flicked Alex's earlobe.

Alex felt something warm shoot through her body, **"Is that a promise?"**

**"That's a lifetime guarantee baby."**She smiled as she once again flicked Alex's earlobe and then she wrapped her lips around it and sucked lightly.

Alex moaned softly and asked, **"So, what made you decide that you wanted to carry one of our children?"**

Kate ran her hands over Alex's tummy as she explained, **"Well, I figured that since you were going to go through the morning sickness, the swollen ankles, the mood swings, the cravings, and best of all the delivery for our first child, it was only fair that I do the same with our second child. Plus, I want you to have a child that's biologically yours, too. It felt a little selfish of me to have you carry my child if I didn't at least offer to carry yours. Besides, I like the idea of having a part of you inside of me."** She kissed Alex's shoulder, **"Bottom line though, I love you and however it happens, I want a family with you."**

Alex turned in Kate's arms and looked deep into her fiance's eyes, **"Baby, I think that may be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me and I love you so much for wanting to do this. I will love both our babies the same, but yes, I would like to have one that's yours and one that's mine."**

Kate smiled and then leaned close to kiss her, pouring all of her love and desire into the contact. Kate wanted to leave no doubt in Alex's heart that this was real, they were together and nothing would ever tear them apart. They had survived the worst, Dunn and his craziness, and they had come out the other side of that mess stronger for their suffering. Kate held her close, never wanting to let go of her.

Alex whispered, **"I want to go home and make love to you right now...do you think they would think it rude if we excused ourselves?"**

Kate smiled, **"I don't know about rude, but they would all know why we're leaving so early." **

**"Because my fiance is an extremely sexy, hot, wonderful woman that I can't wait to take advantage of?"**she asked with a grin.

**"Yeah something like that, but I'm going to be one taking advantage. I was thinking...maybe tonight we can...um...do something new? If you're up for it that is."**Kate was a bit nervous about what she was going to suggest because she didn't want to spark an argument or anything, but she felt like they were in the right place, emotionally, for her to bring it up now.

**"Oh? What did you have in mind?"**

Kate took a breath and said, **"Well...um...first of all, I want you to know that you can say no and I'll totally understand, no hard feelings, ok?"**

Alex looked worried, **"Babe, you're scaring me."**

Kate looked down, **"I'm sorry, I'm not saying this right. Ok, I was thinking we could...well actually that I could..."** Kate lowered her voice to a whisper and leaned close to Alex's ear so that there was no chance of anyone overhearing them, **"I was thinking I could wear the strap-on and make love to you...with it...you know?"**Kate pulled back to look at Alex's face and gauge her reaction.

Alex's eyes were sparkling, **"Really? You...you want to?"**

Kate nodded, **"Yeah I want to...but if you don't want to, it's ok. I mean it baby."**

**"No, I do. I...well, I've wanted to for a while, but ever since that night we fought...I was afraid to ask."**

Kate chuckled, **"I was actually waiting for you to ask again. I've wanted to try for a week now, ever since I asked you to marry me. I think tonight might be a good night for it."**

Alex pecked Kate's lips and then moved to whisper in her ear, **"I promise that I'll stare straight into your eyes when I come. Will you let me be on top?"**

Kate felt an answering pulse between her legs and she smiled, **"Baby, we can try as many positions as you want as long as I can hear you call my name as you come."**

**"You got it. Come on, let's go say our goodbyes,"**she said as she took Kate's hand. They went back into the living room and let Castle, Lanie, and the Harrimans know that they were leaving early because Alex wasn't feeling well, but they thanked them for everything.

The conspirators knew the real reason they were leaving early, but no one was going to hold it against them. They waved goodbye to everyone and then went out to the car and drove home.

* * *

><p>When they arrived, Alex practically dragged Kate up to the loft and to their room. She shed her clothes and helped Kate out of hers, worshipping the brunette's body before getting the strap-on from the closet.<p>

Alex watched with awe as Kate slid the harness on and though she could tell her lover was nervous, she still looked hot. The blonde placed a hand on Kate's shoulder and gazed deep into her eyes, **"You look amazing...and if you don't believe me look."**She slipped a finger between her legs and presented it to Kate, the coating of arousal glistening in the low light.

Kate was blushing, having stepped out of her comfort zone with the strap-on, but she was determined to follow through with her suggestion. She knew it was something Alex really wanted and she wanted to try it as well. She ran her own hand between Alex's legs, letting her fingers become soaked with the wetness she found there, then she grinned at her fiance, **"I love that I can do that to you. It tells me without words, without question, that you want me."**She leaned forward and kissed her, pulling her close enough that Alex could feel the length of the strap-on pressed against her thigh.

Alex moaned, another burst of moisture coating her pussy in anticipation. She wanted to look into Kate's eyes and feel the brunette's hands on her breasts as she came; it had been a dream of hers for a long time. She put her hands on Kate's back just above the harness and tickled her in the way that Kate liked.

Kate pulled away from the kiss, smiling, **"You know what that does to me..."** She wanted nothing more than to lay her down on their bed and forget the rest of the world for the night. She wanted it to be just the two of them in this little bubble they'd created. Kate gently guided Alex down to the bed, stretching out above her lover. She looked into her eyes, **"I love you and I want to do this right."**She felt herself blush again but she fought it and began kissing and licking her way down Alex's body, determined to make her as wet and ready as possible before she used the strap-on.

Alex rested her head on the pillow and smiled softly. Her skin was a soft pink color and the throbbing from between her legs was making it hard for her to concentrate. She was so excited to do this with Kate. She ran her fingers through Kate's hair and whispered how much she loved her fiance.

Kate began sucking on Alex's breast as she moved her hand down her lover's body to her thighs. She slipped her fingers between Alex's legs and she smiled at the gush of wetness she encountered. She lifted her head and looked at her fiance, **"Are you ready for me baby?"**

Alex nodded, **"Yes. Trade places with me."**

Kate nodded and rolled onto her back, her hand holding the dildo upright for Alex. **"I'm so hard for you, baby,"**Kate said, trying a little dirty talk.

**"Oh God,"** Alex said in a breathy voice. Kate looked so sexy laying there with the dildo standing at attention and she couldn't wait to have Kate inside of her. Alex straddled Kate's hips and lowered down until she felt the head of the dildo enter her. She hovered for a moment and looked straight into Kate's eyes as she took the rest of the dildo inside of her. She growled and smiled, **"Oh yeah."**

Kate looked up at Alex and smiled, **"Can I just say that you look so hot right now?"** She brought her hands up to Alex's hips and ran her fingers over the skin before she licked her lips, **"I definitely like the view from here." **

**"I'm glad, baby. I've wanted to make love like this so that I can look into your eyes and kiss your lips when I come."**She started rocking back and forth, grazing her swollen clit against the leather of the harness, a soft moan escaping her lips.

Kate slid her hands up until they were cupping Alex's breasts. She gently squeezed them and rolled the nipples between her fingers. Kate started slowly moving her hips up into Alex, matching the motion of Alex's hips, and she smiled, **"I want to watch you come baby, I want to see your face when it happens."**

Alex nodded and tossed her head back, her hips continuing to rock. When she felt Kate thrust up into her, she fell forward and supported herself on her hands. She lifted her hips and started sliding on and off the cock, the sensation against her inner walls driving her crazy.

Kate wrapped her arms around Alex's back, her nails lightly raking her shoulder blades as she kept rocking her hips. She lifted her head and began running her lips and tongue over Alex's collarbone and neck before she whispered against her ear, **"That's it baby, you're mine now...come for me."**

Alex picked up the pace, riding Kate hard. Her clit and breasts were brushing against Kate's skin and the dildo was covered in her wetness. She squeezed the cock and moaned, her orgasm getting closer and closer. **"I'm almost there."**

Kate kept up the motion of her hips and brought her hands back to Alex's breasts, fondling them and squeezing the nipples. She looked at Alex's face and noticed her eyes were closed, **"Open your eyes baby, I want to see them when you come, please."**

Alex registered the request and opened her darkened blue eyes. She looked into Kate's eyes and said, **"Tell me you love me..."**

Kate reached up and ran her hand through Alex's hair as she said, **"I love you so much...we're going to have our future together..."** She smiled as she looked into Alex's desire-darkened eyes, **"I love you Alexandra Cabot and I can't wait until I make you my wife."**

That was all that Alex needed to hear. She let herself go and came hard, yelling out, **"I love you, too, Kate!"**as her orgasm washed over her. She kept her eyes focused on Kate the entire time and lost herself in those dark brown pools.

Kate held Alex close as she came back down from her orgasm. She rained kisses all along her neck, smiling against the skin as she whispered, **"You're so beautiful when you come baby. I love you."**

Alex smiled and rested against Kate, **"I love you too. Thank you for that, baby. It was amazing."**

Kate shifted her hips, slowly sliding the dildo out of her lover and letting it rest against her thigh. She looked up at Alex, **"You never have to thank me for that, I love making you come any way I can, any way you want it."**She leaned up and kissed her.

**"I just know you were nervous about this and you were brilliant, by the way. I can't believe you've never used one of these before."**

Kate grinned, **"Well, I'm a fast learner and I had an excellent teacher."** She winked at her then said, seriously, **"But really, I just want you to have everything you want, I want us to be able to try new things. All I ask is that when you find something new you want to try, don't ask me in the heat of the moment, ok? I think we've established that I don't react well to changes when all I can think about is having you come in my mouth or my hands."**

Alex nodded, **"I know."** She settled down next to Kate and said, **"I think we should get this off of you...I'm sure you're quite excited after all of that."**

Kate grinned, **"Now that you mention it..."**

Alex smiled and sat up to help Kate out of the harness. She tossed it aside and looked at her beautiful girlfriend, **"What are you in the mood for?"**

Kate smiled as she reached for her fiance, **"You...only you in any way that I can have you...please?"**

Alex nodded and then skimmed her slender fingers over Kate's breasts. The brunette's nipples were already hard and Alex lowered her head so that she could suck one into her mouth. She pulled gently with her teeth and then soothed the ache with her tongue as her hand trailed lower over Kate's stomach.

Kate moaned as she arched her back and ran her hand through Alex's hair. She was so ready for Alex and she grabbed the hand that was on her stomach and ragged it lower, **"I need you baby, please don't tease me."**

Alex grinned and obliged Kate, her fingers slipping between moist folds. She found her lover's clit and massaged it in circles while her tongue trailed from one breast to the other.

Kate's hips began to rock. She was so ready that she knew it wouldn't take much, but there was something she needed. She reached for Alex's chin and lifted it up so that she could look her in the eyes, **"Baby, I'm so close... please...I need your mouth...down there...please?"**She loved it when Alex went down on her; it was her favorite way to come.

**"Of course, baby."**She removed her hand from Kate's pussy and settled between her legs. She lifted the detective's legs over her shoulders and rested her hands on Kate's hips, pulling her close as she slid her tongue inside of her lover's warmth. She thrust in and out, the wetness pouring into Alex's mouth.

Kate moaned at the contact. She reached out and ran her hands through Alex's hair, holding on to her as her head fell back to the pillow. Her eyes closed as she felt her orgasm rush forward and before long it crashed over her and her whole body tensed. She cried out, **"Oh yes Alex!" **

Alex remained inside of Kate for several moments until she felt her lover relax. She pulled back and licked her lips, Kate's essence thick. She ran her hand over Kate's stomach and soothed her, **"Breathe, baby."**

Kate's breaths came in gasps as she came back down. She smiled when she felt Alex's hand on her stomach and she opened her eyes to look down at her lover with a smile, **"I love you Alexandra Cabot... you... are... amazing!"**

**"I love you too, Kate Beckett,"** Alex said as she took her lover into her arms. **"You bring out the best in me, I can assure you of that."**

Kate snuggled into Alex's chest, but then something came back to her, something she suddenly remembered, **"Hey, um, can I ask you something?"**

**"Mmhmm,"**Alex said softly.

Kate began drawing idle patterns on Alex's chest as she asked, timidly, **"Did you, um...did you mean what you said that time when we were...talking about our baby being a...Beckett?" **

**"You mean about me taking your name and giving it to our child? Yeah, I did. You still want that, right?"**

Kate looked up into Alex's eyes, **"I'd love that, as long as you still want to. I like the sound of it...Alexandra Beckett."**She smiled as she tried out the new name.

**"Me too. The one thing I realized when I went into the program is that 'Cabot' is just a name. It doesn't change the person I am inside. Taking your name and giving it to our baby...it makes me feel so connected to you. Besides, I don't want our child having a stigma attached to him or her because he or she comes from money."**

Kate arched her brow, **"And being a Cabot would bring that stigma?"**

**"Unfortunately, yes. Our baby is already going to have a hard time because people still don't accept families like ours. The last thing I want is for him or her to have grief because of the whole Cabot thing." **

Kate shifted to lie on her side, resting her head on her hand as she looked at Alex, **"Is that what happened with you? Growing up a Cabot I mean."**

She nodded, **"Yeah. It made things difficult. I never knew if people liked me for me or for my money and the expectations..."** She exhaled, **"It made being me harder and I don't just mean the gay thing. I'm talking about following my dreams."**

Kate felt a tug on her heart. **"I'm sorry you had to grow up like that."** She looked into Alex's eyes, **"You do know that I don't care about your money, right? I love you for who you are not who your family is or where you came from."**She leaned forward and kissed Alex.

Alex nodded and looked into her eyes, **"I know. You fell in love with me when you thought I was Vicky Harrison from Santa Fe and you've never changed, not one bit, since you've found out who I am and where I come from. I've never felt more secure than I do with you, Kate."**

Kate smiled, **"Good. I'm glad. Now...what dreams were you talking about?"**Kate was curious about the things Alex had wanted to do but hadn't felt the freedom to do.

**"I didn't always want to be a lawyer. When I was a teenager, I thought about doing something else with my life. I always liked art and psychology and I wanted to give it a try. But my dad...he was so insistent that I stay focused and not get distracted by frivolous things. I took a couple of art classes on the side, but my nose was always in my law books."**

Kate smiled, **"So your job in Santa Fe must've been a dream job then huh? So were you more interested in the admiration of art or...did you want to create the art?"**

**"I'm not much of an artist. I have an eye for it, but that's about it. Working at the gallery in Santa Fe was amazing and I really liked working with people. It was nice not having to worry about doing things perfectly. It was no pressure, which is something I've never known before."**

Kate nodded, **"After we're married and you become Alex Beckett...will you continue practicing law or...did you want to do something else? I want you to be happy baby, no matter what you need to do to achieve that, ok?"**

**"I don't know what I'm going to do...I guess it'll all depend on how things go after I get pregnant. I don't want to put our baby at risk, you know? I could be happy doing something else...or maybe if I stick with law, I could do something less risky."**

**"Well, whatever you decide to do, I will stand beside you no matter what."**

**"Thank you, baby,"**Alex said with a smile. She leaned over and kissed Kate on the lips and then settled in beside her.

* * *

><p>They lay there in the silence for a few hours. Alex was tickling Kate's arm, thinking about a multitude of things before she finally spoke, <strong>"We haven't really talked much about where we want to get married. We talked about flowers, colors, maids of honor and all that stuff, but nothing about location."<strong>

Kate turned to look at Alex, **"Well, I'm not really feeling a church wedding. Since we're planning to do this in June, I was thinking maybe something outdoors?"**

**"I was thinking the exact same thing...I thought maybe we could get married at sunset on a beautiful terrace overlooking the ocean."**

Kate smiled, **"That sounds wonderful. Any specific terrace calling your attention?"**Kate knew Alex wouldn't suggest something so detailed unless she had something in mind.

**"As a matter of fact, there is a place. My parents and I were on vacation in Venice one year and there was this wonderful villa that overlooked the water. The sunset was amazing. Beautiful blues, purples, and pinks reflecting on the waterways and lights twinkling. I've never seen anything like it."**

Kate shifted to lie on her side, her head resting on one hand as the other hand rested on Alex's tummy. **"Venice? As in, Venice, Italy? You want us to get married in Italy?"**

**"Yeah, don't you think that would be great? We could fly our close friends and our family out and rent a villa where they can stay."**

**"I think it sounds like a great place for a honeymoon but...I was kind of hoping to keep the wedding local so that all of our friends can be there."**

**"But it's Venice, baby. We'll only get married once and what could be more memorable than Italy?"**

Kate lowered her head and began drawing circles on Alex's skin. **"Sweetie, I don't have to go all the way to Italy to make our wedding memorable. All I need is you and I'm going to remember our wedding for the rest of my life because it's the day you officially, and legally, became mine. I love you and that's all I need. However, I am willing to offer a compromise,"** Kate said as she lifted her eyes to meet Alex's. **"What if we got married on the beach in the Hamptons at sunset and then rented a villa in Venice for our honeymoon?"**

Alex pouted, **"It's not the same...I know that it shouldn't matter where we do it, but don't you think it would be wonderful to be abroad when we do?"**

Kate took a breath and then buried her face in Alex's neck to try and steel herself against that pout; she never could say no to Alex when she pouted. After a moment, she lifted her head just enough to growl into her lover's ear, **"You don't play fair. You know I can't resist that pout."** She wrapped her arm around Alex's waist and pulled her closer, **"But baby, it's going to be pretty expensive to fly everyone out there and rent a villa to house them all. How about we rent a house in Martha's Vineyard and get married on the beach there? It would be cheaper to bring our friends and families out to the Vineyard than fly them out to Italy. Plus, you know not everyone is going to have the time and a passport to leave the country." **

Alex sighed and asked in a quiet voice, **"Can I sleep on it?"**

Kate nodded, knowing when not to push, **"Of course. We have time to decide on a location."**

She cuddled up with Kate and kissed her neck, **"I love you, Kate Beckett. I know I can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but I just want everything to be perfect for our special day."**

Kate held her close, **"I know you do and I love that about you baby, but our wedding day is going to be perfect no matter where we have it because we'll be together. I just want all of our friends and family to be able to make it. For now let's get some sleep and we'll talk more about this in the morning."**

**"Ok,"** Alex nodded. **"I love you,"**she said before she kissed Kate one last time and closed her eyes to drift happily off to sleep.

**"I love you too, Alex. Sweet dreams,"**Kate said as she cuddled closer to Alex. She too fell deeply asleep, safe in the arms of the woman she loved.

THE END

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well, so concludes our story. For those who reviewed, let us know what you thought of the ending. For those who've been reading but haven't reviewed yet...this is the last chance! Let us know what you thought of this love story. There are talks of a sequel...but only if enough interest in generated...so if enough people want the second book, we'll write it...but you all have to let us know you want it!<strong>

**A very special thanks to JBCJAZZ...your positive reviews and encouragement have meant the world to myself and Diamond. It is always great to know the work has made a difference. *hugs***


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